When you meet someone new, say 'no' to something small, early on. The reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
@jennysedgley8284
4 жыл бұрын
@@murphymerryliz it's been really helpful to me. Sniffs out the control freaks immediately
@MaryLopez-kb7xp
4 жыл бұрын
Really good advice I should've used this in my last relationship that was so controlling. Lesson learned!
@bridgetmenham5103
4 жыл бұрын
As in do you mean keep yourself a mystery and also make sure you ask about them when they say they like hearing you talk It could be thier getting info about you to use in the future aggainst you and if you ask about them and they ho wierd Be aware xx
@jennysedgley8284
4 жыл бұрын
@@bridgetmenham5103 I was thinking of something small, like if they suggest a movie suggest a different movie, or 'no, I would like the chicken not the fish''. When you get a snotty reaction to something little early on, it's a real red flag.
@bridgetmenham5103
4 жыл бұрын
@@jennysedgley8284 well Ive gone on a second date tonight and he said he didn't like Christmas and I said I'm a Christmasey person all year and he was saying he liked my friend who fixes us up and I asked if hE fancies her and hE said yes . Blimey IS that a red flag???,, xx
@musc4ever
3 жыл бұрын
There is this German saying that it's better to have an ending with horror than a horror without any end.
@Suedetussy
3 жыл бұрын
Dieser Spruch ist echt so nützlich. Den halte ich mir immer vor Augen, wenn die Situation eintritt.
@mariethomas6289
3 жыл бұрын
yes, yes, yes
@halliehere
3 жыл бұрын
Love it
@datingandlivingconsciously3082
3 жыл бұрын
👏
@spdadventurer1754
3 жыл бұрын
thats what i say n m not german lol
@sallyjenko2315
4 жыл бұрын
Be okay with being alone. You don’t need their money, their attention, their support or their positive regard in order to feel good and live a great life. Freedom never loses its sweetness.
@JayJay-ue3xy
4 жыл бұрын
very well said
@carolbell8008
4 жыл бұрын
Sally Jenko AMEN! ❤️
@bhupindergadh
4 жыл бұрын
I like, “You don’t need their money”.
@jcaleca60
4 жыл бұрын
very well said
@sll110
4 жыл бұрын
very true, I need nothing from evils
@lildiamond6235
2 жыл бұрын
Summary 1 - own your reality 2 - don’t fall for charisma 3 - a smart and educated person is not necessarily kind 4 - don’t get snowed by rich, famous and smart 5 - watch how they treat who they think are below them 6 - learn their tells 7 - become OK with setting boundaries 8 - dump the enablers 9 - stop giving second chances 10 - surround yourself with good people and build a healthy support system 11 - become OK with talking the unpopular route
@quirky7735
2 жыл бұрын
12. Have meaning and purpose in your life
@mystrength5640
Жыл бұрын
I can’t wait to dump, have NOO contact… with the Enablers. Who have helped destroy my marriage! It will be happening, in a few months! 🎉 Soo Sadly this Married Couple, are living in a poor marriage Themselves… ! She spilt the beans 😢! They were Soo excited to see How mentally unstable. My Narc is.. And they took total advantage!🎉
@danmason8427
Жыл бұрын
(Raechel Mason here) Thank you for this. It took me WAY too long to realize some of these things. It was hard for me because I had a narcissistic mother AND a narcissistic little sister. I finally cut off my sister entirely. And I finally said, "No!" to my mom! I have to live with her because she is in her 80's and has dementia. There's no way we could afford care for her. My sister doesn't help at all. I would never ask for it, though...to protect myself. I would rather not give her that power. And, OH, does that pi$$ her off. It's really hard because I do like her. She shares the same sense of humor, many life experiences, but it is truly not worth the effort to be walking on eggshells ALL the TIME. That would be my advice. You said basically the same thing. I just thought I'd put that version out there. You should not have to feel like you have to walk on eggshells for ANYone. Even family. It is absolutely not worth it. I may isolate myself too much. I am not sure. I know I just got to a point where I absolutely will not take rude, judgemental, uncomfortable people any more than is absolutely necessary. I am a people pleaser and I suppose my sister thought of me as a "golden child" as I am good at the things I chose to do....acting and riding horses professionally. I admit that was a hard act to follow. I got no special treatment, though. I did it all on my own. But boy, did my sister try to pull me down at every opportunity. Always judging 🙄. She did get more abuse from my mom but that was because she was seeking her attention constantly where I put distance between myself and their treatment. My mom finally, FINALLY has been treating me better and accepting that I have to tell her "no". She does NOT accept that she is not fit to do many things. Especially because she will drive and go buy vodka. OMG a drunk 80 year old narcissist? You talk about difficult!. It is a nightmare. I cut off all fears of putting my foot down and things are better. But like I said, it took me way too long, so I have a long way to work myself back to who I really am, being trapped and aĺl. I've never felt much guilt for my sister because she just asked for my mom's abise. Truly. She stuck around home and just clashed with my mom while I stayed outside..away...any way I could...literally climbing trees, lol. hiking, riding, in plays....anything to keep away from the "trouble" I was always in for petty reasons with the both of them. I tried my heart out to get along with them...and the world....and never gave myself enough credit. Finally, the ties are cut. I own me. I know I am a good person. Sure, I have faults, but I treat people with respect Always have, and always will. But I will be d@mned if I am going to hang around with people that constantly judge me. No more walking on eggshells for me! No way! My two cents. Your advice has been so helpful to both me snd my husband. I just cannot believe tbere are so many narcissists out there! No more eggshells for me!
@happyday3368
Жыл бұрын
@@mystrength5640 Enablers are the worst - justifying the narcs behavior - wondering if the enablers are also narcs?
@HappyHawthorn
Жыл бұрын
@@mystrength5640 Good luck💪🍀🙏
@liljerseygirl249
4 жыл бұрын
They get really angry when they can't control you.
@sunnyday6408
3 жыл бұрын
I love that! I love seeing them suffer. Mine has good & bad buttons. On & Off. Nice & Mean. If they're nice, next moment coming will be nasty, rude. They love the control of your moods. What, who will they attack when you disappear????
@kathyharmon2093
3 жыл бұрын
@@sunnyday6408 they will always have a victim I cut off ( finally) all communication with my mother 3 years ago when I was 60... now it’s my niece who’s subjected to it☹️
@alexandradumitru4281
3 жыл бұрын
And when they can't control you anymore, they will control how others perceive you and will talk bs about you, to make then look like a victim and transform you (the real victim) into a somekind of "abuser".
@liljerseygirl249
3 жыл бұрын
@@alexandradumitru4281 many in my own family have done this, used me as a scape goat. When I stood up for myself they made up all sorts of stories about me and put me down. I dont asshole with any of them.
@alexandradumitru4281
3 жыл бұрын
@@liljerseygirl249 my father did this! After the funeral of my son (who was 3 months old when he passed) he made everything about him, started to act in front of everyone about how much pain he feels, but in reality he was just mentally abusing me, my husband and my mother. We left! And I never ever want to see that man again in my life, for he has done so much harm and caused so much pain to me and my mother, I will never be able to forgive and forget!
@steves4533
3 жыл бұрын
"Charisma is like heavy perfume or cologne that someone wears when they don't take a shower." That's one of the greatest things I have ever heard.
@Tilacr28
3 жыл бұрын
I totally agree! 👍
@nataliatokarska8879
3 жыл бұрын
Absolutely. Brilliant saying, I wrote it down to remember. Couldn't be more accurate.
@aussiegirl2507
3 жыл бұрын
Huh I don’t get it can someone please explain this to me thanks so much x
@yobrojoost9497
3 жыл бұрын
Not in all cases. I know some very charismatic people who are most definitely not narcs. My son was one.
@steves4533
3 жыл бұрын
@@yobrojoost9497 Thank you for the exception to the rule response.
@Tugzma8634
4 жыл бұрын
My Daddy always told me "believe someone when they show you who they are...the FIRST time" advice I wish I had understood much earlier in my life.
@varalabeschkuni2890
4 жыл бұрын
really good advice.
@LisaSalaices
4 жыл бұрын
Yes! This is so true! I ignored red flags that could have alerted me to move on.
@mdee860
4 жыл бұрын
That quote is from Dr. Maya Anjelou (sp?) Your Dad was a smart man to latch onto that. I too wish I had incorporated that into my life far earlier.
@ninjaGurl36
4 жыл бұрын
The best and smartest advice, ever told!
@njhelmers
4 жыл бұрын
How true is that!! And I too saw it quite early. Just didn’t pay attention.
@Sky_Star-hq6bx
2 жыл бұрын
Maya Angelou's "when people Show you who they are the first time, Believe them" really helped me So much over the years .
@indre894
3 жыл бұрын
Each time I’m watching her videos, I’m thinking how lucky we are to get all of this information for free! Thank you!
@robertsinnerman7804
3 жыл бұрын
BIG TIME
@levywesley2066
2 жыл бұрын
yesssssss
@tammydietschweiler7852
2 жыл бұрын
Yes I feel so blessed since I’m sick on disability, so it’s helpful to have the Dr guide us! I am isolated and think sick or not I need to at least find healthy people. I don’t have family and only a daughter 24 in college. She is so stressed If we fight, so I am following the Drs advice on not engaging in it as much as possible. Very difficult to live with someone like this and my best to everyone here.
@cindafuqnrela
2 жыл бұрын
Same!
@teekey6146
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, this so true
@onlyheavenknows8520
3 жыл бұрын
I remember being told to by a narc to “go with the flow” Then heard a wise saying that said “Dead fish go with the flow...”
@teal1010
3 жыл бұрын
Wow! That put a lot of things in perspective!
@SR77736
3 жыл бұрын
@Weare Thecollective 😆😆😂
@jahfeentertainment6011
3 жыл бұрын
was told the exact words
@zlatkajupe
3 жыл бұрын
Oh that's brilliant!
@patriciagivens2578
3 жыл бұрын
My soon -to-be ex-husband narcissist, ALWAYS told me that I needed to" fall in line", and just let him love me🙄...what a crock of💩!
@goodgracious6364
4 жыл бұрын
Beware of people's RUDENESS and SARCASM--those are BIG WARNING SIGNS--narcissistic people will start by doing small rude things like not saying thank you or making snide comments and then acting like it's no big deal.
@EphemeralProductions
4 жыл бұрын
I have TWO if not more, people like that in my life! I work with one of em and the other is a longtime "friend". It's all i can do, most of the time, not to tell em to f*** themselves and storm out.
@mamalex5
4 жыл бұрын
So so true!
@jelkastadelmann3051
4 жыл бұрын
Good said!
@Ellen-Seeker-of-Truth
4 жыл бұрын
You just described several family members of mine 😯 my therapist from years ago said i was the peacekeeper in the family.. and now as an adult, if i want to get along with my family members i have to excuse their rude and mean behaviour.. and further, I understand i will never get an apology from them.. & that REALLY hurts, some of the things one of them has done to me was unforgivable.. but if i waited around for a heartfelt apology i would never have a relationship with my family because those apologies will never & have never come.. so I swallow my pride, I forgive them so there is peace.. unhealthy? Yea.. but i accept it and have my faith in God and small circle of true blue friends.. so it is what it is.. but when it's family there's not much you can do..
@dancingnature
4 жыл бұрын
Ellen Don’t accept cruel nasty behavior ffrom them just to keep the peace . You can think of this as being cruel to yourself.
@Hello11235
2 жыл бұрын
A friend told me yesterday: ‘freedom begins where expectations end’ . I found it incredibly powerful to deal with narcissist, expect nothing good and you will be free of their poison
@samuelpassos1541
2 жыл бұрын
I love this statement.
@sangeetha279
2 жыл бұрын
The thing is even if we have zero expectations on them, they have 1000% on us
@samantalha5430
2 жыл бұрын
@etmira krkuti did you get separated with that narcassistic Husband and got healing after that or got the healing lessons without being separated?
@samantalha5430
2 жыл бұрын
@etmira krkuti so your husband was not a narcassistic then, coz how would he get chanhed and went for therapy?
@katherineh9814
Жыл бұрын
@@sangeetha279 💯
@jadegreen8159
4 жыл бұрын
My addition: *Don't* try to see it from their point of view! It's only a good practice for healthy relationships but NOT with a narcissist.
@livingever8287
4 жыл бұрын
Crucial
@cbmk788
4 жыл бұрын
I call it: "Watch out! If they put themsleves in your shoes, you're never getting those shoes back." I have been burned so much by trying to put myself in their shoes, even going to therapy to understand my limitations, only to have it thrown in my face as an admission of guilt (with no attempt to put themselves in my shoes) for a decade. Now, grey rock it is!
@stevenjohnston1107
4 жыл бұрын
Yep. This is how I got manipulated most of the time. Seeing and understanding her point of view (as I usually try to do with many people) is dangerous and can lead to lowering your boundaries without noticing it.
@jenlinds1
4 жыл бұрын
This is a big one. Thank you! It’s what I try to do every time yet most every romantic relationship I’ve been in are narcissists & 1 sociopath. (Parents are narcissistic & mom’s mother full narcissist ((or more)) & my sister is a psychopath.) I didn’t get this till going through therapy from my sociopath husband (now ex-husband) I’ve been surrounded by it my entire life. It’s comfortably uncomfortable for me. THIS is the tip I needed though. I’ve NO narcissist/ic friends (nor ever have) yet almost every close romantic relationship has been with a narcissist (or worse.) I’m trying to break the cycle & I think this might be the missing piece. This & Dr. Ramani’s ‘no charm’ advice. For some reason I look for VERY different people for friends v lovers...yet all I’ve ever wanted is my lover to be my best friend. Lots of work to do still. But seriously this tip of yours is key for me 💛🙏
@mihaelamarinoiu5181
4 жыл бұрын
Totally agree!
@mahimayambem4698
4 жыл бұрын
Just notes -- 1.Detect gaslighting 2.Don't' get attached to charismatic ,seductive people. Sometimes all that glitters is not gold. 3.Education is not directly proportional to good virtues .( same like charismatic or successful) 4.Same like 3 ( insert wealth in lieu of education) 5.Watch how they treat people 6. Dont accept their false excuses 7.Set healthy boundaries.Learn to say NO 8.DUMP the narcissist enablers . 9.Stop giving second chances by gaslighting urself 10.Surround urself with good empathetic people. Find ur passion ,work for it This is your life ..your choice and all your happiness is in your hands Don't give that power to anyone else BONUS:sometimes in this journey u might be left out and alone ...but dont worry ..those who fly alone have the strongest wings . Also : dont self destruct ..Face and fight ..be it therapies ,books Educate urself ,help urself . Stay strong ,Stay healthy .. Be patient ..we will definitely make it to the other side💪✌✌✌✌
@TT-ls1yz
4 жыл бұрын
Thanks Dear for putting these together. This really helps 👍🏼💞🍫
@mdee860
4 жыл бұрын
Very nice summation Mahima! Thank you!
@sonalibhat5149
4 жыл бұрын
Amen
@mjayanthi3425
4 жыл бұрын
Very nice, thank you. Your point number 2 is very important As humans we fall for such people
@Lou-gn6tc
4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for doing this I’ve just screen shot it for keeps ❤️
@nnebundoannaobi1386
3 жыл бұрын
Never let a narcissist see you get emotionally charged, stay firm, calm and assertive *Practice and you'll get better at doing so
@abdulc5726
3 жыл бұрын
Before u realise youre dealing with narcasissm you've already lost your cool. But after you know how to handle yourself and the situation xo
@pm660
3 жыл бұрын
This is one of the most effective tips when it comes to creating a protective shield against the narc
@india1422
3 жыл бұрын
Never let a narcissist see you. Leave the relationship
@natalieroehrig4370
3 жыл бұрын
Stefflo2😀😀😀😀😃😃😃😂😊😄🍄😆😉😆😆😆n
@prakataw1604
3 жыл бұрын
@@india1422 I feel it is profusely more complicated, if there is anxiety, depression, grief, any other health or mental conditions, family commitments etc. to leave a relationship than just taking the suggestion to leave. The practicalities may anchor some people to stay. Even though there is the just leave truth or awareness too.
@Star-333
3 жыл бұрын
When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time- Maya Angelou. Don't give them additional opportunities to gaslight and abuse you.
@toyabdool5127
2 жыл бұрын
I am close to one listening to this advise and seeing the truth thanks
@kathryncainmadsen5850
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly.
@susanq6398
2 жыл бұрын
That is true however when we are in the throws of love/attraction and are committed we gloss over alarming behavior and blame it on outside forces. I certainly did until it was too late. Believe what they show you the first time.
@therespectedlex9794
2 жыл бұрын
First time it's their fault, second time it's yours. But, I personally, have often forgiven too quick, particularly with my own family. You don't practically have other options. Even they are a more practical help than the alternative, in the short term.
@janetdiaz8916
3 жыл бұрын
I have learned that most of the misery in my life came out of my inability to set boundaries. Empaths have a difficult time finding strength to set boundaries. It takes much healing to get to the place where you can set boundaries.
@prijevodib2139
3 жыл бұрын
you are just one of many
@chillibeginnersgrowalongwi5624
3 жыл бұрын
I try to set them and get railroaded. I'm still learning
@bunitamarcus5173
3 жыл бұрын
I think it's also helpful to realize that everything the narcissist says about you is probably true about themselves instead. This is their projection. So keep that separation in mind - - that what they say is true about themselves--and not true about you.
@obgfoster
3 жыл бұрын
When there's one finger pointing at you, three fingers are pointing to themselves!
@mrst1246
3 жыл бұрын
We can call it "QTIP" = "Quit Taking It Personally" - they never take responsibility for their own 'stuff', they just set out to maneuver more expertly to avoid having to do so, and to expertly get their needs met at others' expense!
@jeem8760
3 жыл бұрын
I so agree with you. I have a narc mom and a narc ex fiance, I guess people like us are a narc magnets. I chose freedom over my ex and I'm choosing and choosing myself over my narc mom now. I love her but I need to keep my peace and sanity too.
@bunitamarcus5173
3 жыл бұрын
@@jeem8760 i have a narc mom. it is bad news. no love ever. stay awayand find a new family. you willprobably become the scapegoat. do not take it personally (even though you are being attacked), it is about them and their inabilty to be humane. Just stay away. They will never change, they dont want to, they are predators. you are their prey. and yes, a sensitive, thoughful, openminded person is a magnet for their abuse.
@evathiessen2244
3 жыл бұрын
Wow! Thank you!!
@jacecunningham8085
2 жыл бұрын
When I stand up for myself he says I’m “attacking him” which is why he calls me names. I’m on my way out of this relationship!
@nicolerosenkohlchen2876
2 жыл бұрын
Wish you luck! Stay strong!
@nancymc
2 жыл бұрын
Jace you can do this. Run for your life. It all gets easier with time. The recovery is so sweet.
@Lightingthedark
2 жыл бұрын
Hurry honey
@robyndismon394
2 жыл бұрын
Plse get out ENTIRELY! Time is of the essence.
@roachie998
2 жыл бұрын
Be careful Don't tell just run
@Kelly-oe8kr
3 жыл бұрын
Learn to tolerate THEIR discomfort instead of being the one who constantly compromises for them. WOW that is so true, the sting of the peacekeeper!
@Angell_Lee
3 жыл бұрын
It's f up since for empath, it' in my nature to do that. But then I met a few narcissit and learned the hard way.
@eurokay4755
3 жыл бұрын
I saw a t-shirt that said, "Not here to please you" and immediately put that in my set of go-to phrases that I say to myself (not out loud) when dealing with my covert narcissist mother. A few others are, "The less I say, the safer I am" and "Don't give away your thoughts/opinions here for free; save them for people who value them."
@Angell_Lee
3 жыл бұрын
@@eurokay4755 So true, thank you for sharing
@eurokay4755
3 жыл бұрын
@@Angell_Lee Absolutely! It's also necessary and difficult to become accustomed to simply sitting quietly with their dissatisfaction, confusion, and discomfort, which they will frantically try to pin on you, expressly or impliedly. Casual indifference to my mother's escalating frustration is so hard, but extremely efdective.
@lilalaunelove
2 жыл бұрын
"Being smart or successful is not a virtue. Being kind is." 😭❤️
@Shukra9665
2 жыл бұрын
Kindness is the biggest weakness in this context.
@lilalaunelove
2 жыл бұрын
@@Shukra9665 in my understanding the exact context when she said that was before in a closer relation with a narcissistic person: don't fall for smart or successful - check if someone is kind, too, before you engage. All the best!
@seriouscat2231
2 жыл бұрын
Virtuous people are not always kind and kind people are not always virtuous. But I would go with virtue, because it does not exclude kindness. But kindness sometimes excludes virtue, which is the problem in the original statement, because kindness can be self-defeating, unlike virtue.
@beachlife4346
2 жыл бұрын
Acts of kindness, appearance of happiness, being a good listener it can all be faked and is definately not always someones traits and is not always a virtue!!! The person who everyone sees as "nice" all of the time can also be an act with the motivation of not being pure. With a covert narcissistic person this is all an act. It's not normal to be over the top with anything. A person that has the appearance of never faulting from "being nice" "kind" etc in public can be using that as their mask to gain the accolades and attention and advantaces on the outside to lore people into their web of fantasy and illusion about themselves as they use their manipulation and charm
@lilalaunelove
2 жыл бұрын
Totally understand your opinions, too. Hm, everyone might have slightly different definition of the word "kindness". Niceness is not kindness in my eyes - one is sugary and sweet and leaves you hungry, the other has something nurturing and real to it. It's full of heart and has not necessarily an overly sweet manner. Intuition helps me to feel if something is truly heartfelt or if something feels off. If something feels off - I usually think people have reasons for being people pleasers and failing to be authentically kind Could be trauma related fawning. So my question in that case is "Is this person I am dealing with a person that is caught in their patterns or are they a wolf in sheep's clothing?" If someone is "always nice" etc. it does have something strange to it, whatever that might be in the end ... Probably it's even a bigger issue in the United States or maybe in Japan where wearing a very polite or sweet mask is anchored deeply in the culture. Here in Europe sometimes people love to act gruff and show a big heart anyways.
@gabriellevitale2497
4 жыл бұрын
Stop watching shows or movies that reinforce the idea that relationships should be frustrating, confusing, and whatever combination of “hot and cold” that is being sensationalized. Breaking up and making up, crying yourself to sleep, and feeling like shit about yourself are NOT a sign of passion or love. I used to enjoy watching Sex and the City, but now I can’t stand to see it after realizing how toxic Carrie and Big are as love interests. Cut out all that influence that makes you think love is complicated and messy! That is NOT what we (or future generations) should be led to believe is healthy or normal.
@floxendoodle942
4 жыл бұрын
As a former K-drama addict, I agree with this message! 👍😂
@natashah7390
4 жыл бұрын
This should be content for a separate video 👍
@gabriellevitale2497
4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the support everyone. Glad I’m not alone in my thinking!
@cindylmaxwell4976
4 жыл бұрын
Now I know why I am drawn to watch 90 Day Fiance on TV! Wow!
@dancingnature
4 жыл бұрын
This is why I hated soaps as a kid. I thought the people in them were stupid. Should have also paid attention to the stupid people in my real life
@kokosage
2 жыл бұрын
Don’t react emotionally to something they do to draw you into a drama. Be very neutral. They love to yank your chain just to see you freak.
@enriquemora9272
4 жыл бұрын
"Being smart is not a virtue...kindness and compassion are virtues" Thank God for professionals such as you. This is not only useful to avoid narcs, this is validation for us empaths. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Thank you.
@shanthf2505
3 жыл бұрын
Initially they are kind and compassionate and then they change
@maryellwood3653
3 жыл бұрын
I will keep reminding myself this about virtues...a lot of narcissistic personalities try to convince you how smart and superior they are
@hansgonzalezphotography8385
3 жыл бұрын
Yes, that comment was brilliant, the same goes to successful people.
@chargennaro976
3 жыл бұрын
@@maryellwood3653 oh are you ever so right, they will give unsolicited advice about everything. And try to get you to believe that they are the smartest and no the most of the situation. Even if they don't they try to convince you with something they even made up. Be careful in believing everything they say, they want you to think how smart they are so that you come to them and ask advice about everything. I learned the hard way but not anymore.
@newlife4231
3 жыл бұрын
‘Don’t get snowed just because someone is rich or successful’
@mrstraore4782
4 жыл бұрын
Another one: Be completely financially independent of them if you can, and don't allow them access to your finances.. Dependent=control to them unfortunately.
@meadowsanddawn7464
4 жыл бұрын
Good advice, you cannot depend on them in anything and certainly not in your livelihood; so much future faking and opportunism. They simply do not value other people, nor their basic rights and needs, they would leave you penniless if they could and not feel bad about it.
@june-mariehamilton5455
4 жыл бұрын
Mrs Traore Yes that is where it will lead after control - fraud, embezzlement and direct theft, eventually- if you don’t set those boundaries.
@yvonnebond9795
4 жыл бұрын
Very good advice!!!!
@anniecarbonneau1634
4 жыл бұрын
That was my narcissistic mom's strategy : she refused to take her name off the joint bank account that was meant to be mine (she opened it when I was 8, so a cosigner was mandatory at that point), so I made her blow up with rage when I sneaked around and emptied it to open my own. At this time, my older brother still hadn't done so and was so deeply entrenched in the harmful control my mom had over him, that he actually attempted suicide when she found out he had spent a major portion of his savings in only a month. She demanded he earned all the money back within a month, which was impossible with his minimum wage job. I encouraged him to do the same thing as me. He did, thankfully.
@brykit1972
3 жыл бұрын
Going along with this advice, don’t let them handle any business for you. My mother was my insurance rep for a while. When I started realizing she was a problem (before I knew what NPD was ) I went with another company. She did NOT like that. Her bad reaction told me I’d made the right choice.
@jaredmello
4 жыл бұрын
For me it’s practicing Radical Self-Respect! Owning everything about ourselves, and never being afraid to walk away when we are being disrespected!
@CreativeCookie94
4 жыл бұрын
radical self-respect, I love that term!
@jaredmello
4 жыл бұрын
LauraM Hell yea! Thank you, I wrote an ebook called Radical Self-Respect, you would probably like it!
@lesleyelalami2562
4 жыл бұрын
I began the walking away bit ... literally about 4 years ago. Prior to that I thought it would be too rude. Sod social nicities. I now make no excuse, no apology, no comment.... I just leave without saying a word, no guilt either. If it smells bad go to where the air is fresher...and I do!! lol
@jaredmello
4 жыл бұрын
Lesley EL ALAMI yes we must walk away sometimes! It’s the only way to protect ourselves sometimes and it’s the only thing that gains some people’s respect
@jaredmello
4 жыл бұрын
Si Bi I’m so glad you were helped by it! That’s my goal
@abigailmason1439
2 жыл бұрын
My heart goes out to all the Victims in this world It's uncalled for and breaks my heart to know so many are losing their lives over this. The Narcissist is uncalled for. *Minslegend* , don't stop doing you we here to support you 💯%..
@jjlove2115
3 жыл бұрын
When they say “ I love you” pay attention how they are saying, why, when and watch what they do after. Narcissists use I love you as manipulation that somehow it puts you back on course. If someone genuinely loves you it’s shown in their actions not just the words. Actions matter.
@sabrinacrawford2510
3 жыл бұрын
So true! Every time I heard I love you...repeatedly.........I knew he had been sleeping with someone else 🤣. Once I figured him out. I felt so foolish to believe that he ever cared or was capable of being in a mature respectful adult monogamous relationship!! Such a fool! But, experience and education come at a cost.....
@camillep9346
3 жыл бұрын
‘On the Money’ here!! ONLY listen to actions!! Words are cheap!!
@emilymbogho5945
3 жыл бұрын
Iwornder if at all they love
@jolly7728
3 жыл бұрын
A female narc I know can't end a phone conversation with most people without saying, "I love you" and sometimes blabbing on ad nauseam with over the top reasons why she feels that way. She seems to have no self-awareness of how desperate and manipulative she sounds.
@avahsieh4645
3 жыл бұрын
They are self-centered people who don't reciprocate. "I love you" in narcissists' language only means "I love the fact you love me"
@Gigi_Ann
4 жыл бұрын
Gossiping is their way and agenda is their game. They study the room with crossed legs and want to control the room and the situations around them. Their fits are like a child.
@AlexAnastaso
4 жыл бұрын
I dissagree with the crossed legs, there isnt body language, crossed legs and crossed hands means that I am ready to be defansive: I m ready to hear and judge, that doesnt means anything, sometimes you want a coherent story of your experiences and the experience of others, you dont need to be completly open-gaslight yourself by accepting the realities of others and denying youself. Narcissists are defensive, but defensive people arre not narcissists, this is a one way road --->. Opinion, ofc if you dissagree we need proves
@AlexAnastaso
4 жыл бұрын
I am saying that because people need to be defensive when they face threats. If they want to stop being victims. Τhat's why I am a little confident that the gaslight concept needs more structure, you deny the reality of the other person, when this person has proved her/his side. (Sry for my English)
@annburge291
4 жыл бұрын
Narc is very clever with the gossip... lots of emotional pulling with faces, sighs, hand gestures, mocking... they set the general tone, fly in some general comments before the gaslighting gets heavy handed. It's not only me who is gaslighted. I'm trying to keep things grounded by simply asking ..'Who? When?..'Is that your opinion or their opinion? Be more specific, because I don't understand where you are coming from'... So far this is my defense against gaslighting. Narc can't handle being specific because it unravels the lies... Defending myself to the enablers only gave them more ammunition.
@prettynena3102
4 жыл бұрын
Amen 🙏
@danielkaiser8971
4 жыл бұрын
Absolutely agree with the gossip routine, it goes right along with the smear campaign routine. Often the narcissist takes the gossip and isolates chosen people to share it with, then the next gossip session isolates different people, and on some cases the two (or more) different groups get together and reinforce the gossip by filling in each other's blanks the others don't have because the narcissist set it up this way, all to appear to be the one with the special twisted and fabricated knowledge of everyone else. This is how a narcissist I know keeps her group of flying monkeys interested in her on the homeowner association I live in.
@robinahlquist9953
3 жыл бұрын
One key ive noticed about encountering a toxic person is to notice how you feel around them, if your gut dont feel right then proceed with CAUTION!
@oscarwilliamson1264
3 жыл бұрын
Robin Ahlquist,You are beautiful 🌹🌺🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
@A.C.71
3 жыл бұрын
I would say if your gut don't feel right then pause instead of proceed.
@asryn96
3 жыл бұрын
Spot-on! My gut never lies. NEVER!
@areyouarmy9916
2 жыл бұрын
8. Dump the enablers 9. Stop giving second chances 10. Surround yourself with good people 11. Skip events 12. Have meaning and purpose in your life
@olivewoo522
2 жыл бұрын
I never attend family reunions. Not ever!
@Revolution-tl5wo
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like several really crucial things were left out of this list. Among them are: 6. Pace yourself when forming new relationships 5. Be your own source of validation 4. Familiarize yourself with the narcissistic cycle of manipulation (love bombing/idealization, devaluation, discard, hoovering, repeat) and behavior patterns (gaslighting, blameshifting, projection, triangulation, word salad) 3. Know exactly what your standard is for how you wish to be treated; anyone that doesn't meet that standard or responds inappropriately when you articulate your boundaries is filtered out 2. When you see signs of contempt, RUN 1. Identify AND HEAL your attachment style; insecurely attached people are infinitely more likely to attract narcissists
@summydots
Жыл бұрын
@@Revolution-tl5wo these're really good ones, even if they're your own. Could you post it in the main comments so more people can read it?
@lindamaddox828
3 жыл бұрын
"A wise man conceals his learning." "Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." "A wise old owl sat on an oak; the more it saw, the less it spoke; the less it spoke, the more it heard; why don't we imitate that wise old bird?"
@annaann2910
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Linda🌹 I just... love this 'poem'****** Thank you for sharing that & Best wishes to you***💜***🙏
@lindamaddox828
3 жыл бұрын
@@annaann2910 You're very welcome. Learned that from my first grade teacher.
@annaann2910
2 жыл бұрын
@@lindamaddox828 😚~💜~🌹~
@krystalglass8186
2 жыл бұрын
I love love love this!!!
@Denita925
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much for this key to wisdom. I will definitely make every effort to make this a way of life for me.
@celisachoo7900
3 жыл бұрын
I’ve noticed that when you stand up for yourself, they call you difficult.
@MediumLynnetteM
3 жыл бұрын
Yes!!! Or find another victim & bring up how much better things are going with them than it was with you.
@A_Foolish_Arrangement
3 жыл бұрын
And when you call them on their shitty behaviors, they call you a trouble maker. Love it.
@chrissy9382
3 жыл бұрын
my ex husbands mom talks to him like he's being difficult when he now stands up for himself so they make him feel wrong.
@mihaelamarinoiu5181
3 жыл бұрын
Exactly!!
@JordanPAT
3 жыл бұрын
Of course, because they're perfect and you're not! Lol, never ever argue with a narc. Just ignore them and they'll lose interest in you. Even if it's a family member. They aren't well.
@roshalllambert
4 жыл бұрын
Some other ways- 1. Monitor your inner self talk if you have positive self talk and self compassion you are going to look out for people who treat you the same way. 2. Don't have the belief that if you sacrifice just enough people will value you and finally notice your efforts. If people don't value you when you sacrifice a little they won't value you when you sacrifice a lot and will take you for granted. 3. Notice the red flags early. If a person abuses you the first time leave asap as it only gets worse with time. 4. Watch how they talk about their ex. Statements like all my ex's were crazy bitches is a huge red flag. 5. Do not think that if a person is overconfident or know it all they actually have a good reason for being that way. It can be possible for a person who does not know anything to act like a know it all. 6. Beware of connections that seem like home if home wasn't a good place for you. Break the mindset that familiarity is safety. 7. Don't think other people are like you. Just because you are a nice person doesn't mean others are good people too. Also stop believing there is a good side to everybody and don't project your niceness onto others. 8. Beware if a person overly values you on superficial things like the way you look, the way you dress, the brand of your shoes etc. 9. Beware of people who give you extreme amount of validation because there is a high chance they need the same from others. For example they may give over the top compliments like "you are the most beautiful person in this world" or "you deserve the best in life and I will make sure that happens when you are with me". 10. Don't think that it is better to be with an abuser rather than being alone.
@lesleyelalami2562
4 жыл бұрын
A brilliant list of reminders. Thanks for taking the time. x
@danielkaiser8971
4 жыл бұрын
Excellent. My favorite is #7, "Don't think other people are like you." That gives too much credit to people who are consistently shitty. Instead, "tell 'em like you smell 'em."
@Melia_Mer
4 жыл бұрын
Great list! I'm guilty of a number of 'em. Thanks a lot for sharing!
@roshalllambert
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you all for the wonderful comments
@jean6453
4 жыл бұрын
Excellent list of recommendations , thank you : )
@carolynscott7413
2 жыл бұрын
55 Years married. 10 years journaling. Trying to figure out how to communicate in a way that would not set him off. Then, I saw your videos and learned a narcissist can be the most wonderful member of the family. Always kind, listening and doing things for others and yet, I could be a victim of total disregard of my feelings, my needs, my desires and not because of what I did or did not say or do.
@lzu2860
2 жыл бұрын
And people wonder why we left such wonderful men….
@amykyns15
2 жыл бұрын
So sad Carolyn. I can relate to trying to communicate the ‘right’ way. One of Dr Ramani’s videos I listened to before this says they don’t know how to answer ‘why’ questions. THAT was mind blowing!! So true as I reflect. Also she says, we learn so we can protect ourselves, NOT so we can change them. 2 simple points that are so powerful.
@virginiag3338
Жыл бұрын
Thats the crazy part right? The everybodys darling, considerate with everyone, more empathic with a acquaintance or eaven a stranger .. but totall lack of empathy and connection with the partner. So everyone thinks you are the nut. I realized the most unsettling thing for the narc is mentioning his actions in public. He gets totally out of balance. Really challenging having to deal with a Narc, especially when you have to co parent.
@keerthikaranji1209
Жыл бұрын
Hi have been dealing with the same situation trying how to communicate in ways that would not set off another fight. Tried every possible way but nothing works. And as u rightly said they are the most wonderful people on earth who are so full of love , compassion, care etc etc for everyone except their partner for whom ideally they should do it the most. I was puzzled thinking about this but when i started watching these videos and reading messages like yours i understand that i am not alone . Thanks a lot
@comeon_man
Жыл бұрын
@@lzu2860 And women.
@amie8286
4 жыл бұрын
I’m guilty of going with the flow. I’m now 19 years in and miserable, mentally and physically exhausted. They just continue to take no matter how easy you try to make their lives. It’s NEVER enough.
@emmas2771
4 жыл бұрын
Hi Louise, hang in there, you are on the right path.
@Hundredacredaycare
4 жыл бұрын
Louise Kiel I understand what your going thru. I’m 33 years in
@lesleyelalami2562
4 жыл бұрын
7 billion people on the planet, a lot of narcs to serve, don't be last in this queue!!... make sure you're top of your own list. Attend to YOUR agenda first, you can't fill up a bucket that has a hole in it. Learn to be what other people call selfish and realise it's not selfishness.... it's self interested. Sometimes if you're not interested no-one else is. Self first and when you get to overflowing then they can have the spill over.
@EphemeralProductions
4 жыл бұрын
it's been 27 years for me. O_o
@Destiny-ev8sp
4 жыл бұрын
Ditto! I hear ya! It’s been over 21yrs here and now I’m having very serious health issues but as soon as I’m well enough, I’m out. My hope is that you can break free, flourish and find out what you’re really meant for. I’m rooting for you and everyone else who has to or has been enduring these types of people.
@mslovee21
3 жыл бұрын
Knowing when someone is overstepping your boundaries constantly like it doesn’t matter to them can be a big clue
@jacquelinemosforth8280
2 жыл бұрын
I agree. Don’t accept apologies, only changes in behaviour.
@NH-vp6qk
2 жыл бұрын
Hey love it’s not LIKe they don’t care They clearly don’t care, When I said no to my ex He was yelling screaming like a psichopath
@vg1403
2 жыл бұрын
I learnt this the hard way.
@newlove7184
2 жыл бұрын
Yes...I've learned this.
@sarasol4677
4 жыл бұрын
Another one: pay attention to what your body says. It's incredible how clear mine talked. I'd fall literally ill every fifteen days, which bothered him a lot, of course. Thank you, Dr Ramani!
@emmas2771
4 жыл бұрын
After attending many sessions of body psychotherapy I now honour what my body is feeling, short circuiting the rationalisation that I've been conditioned in my family to practice.
@80islandia
4 жыл бұрын
The body plays a huge role in warning us about people who are causing us harm! Thank you for this reminder.
@suzannesmith5339
4 жыл бұрын
I’d start not sleeping well, getting a knot in my stomach, GI issues, irritability, nagging my kids to death about their rooms and homework, and anxious about groceries and housework, the entire week before the N’s visits. Then a week of recover time afterward!
@80islandia
4 жыл бұрын
@Suzanne Smith Sounds very, very familiar (especially the GI issues). Sorry your body had to go through that for the sake of another person :(
@lucycrown212
4 жыл бұрын
Same here. Doctors at a loss, bloodwork perfect, and yet my body hurt all over. My head felt like it was full of cotton balls.
@kathaleenreed3166
2 жыл бұрын
Here are a couple of additional ways to resist: Don't take anything personally - this isn't about you (from don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements) - I have found that when someone starts raging, that keeping my responses minimal and neutral deprives the fire of oxygen. Another thing: stop accepting "gifts" from them, because they see everything as a transaction and the last thing you want is to set up a quid pro quo with a narcissist.
@dianemuldoon2974
Жыл бұрын
Interesting. Recentlt met a new friend. Early on she kept trying to give me things. Wanted to drop off food at my house. A calendar. A belated birthday gift and I hardly knew her. She had odd behavior and raged early on. I stopped interaction with her. Searched for information on love bombing in same sex friendships, but couldn't find much. I thought, "it's like she's love bombing me," so your comments helps make sense of quid pro quo. She would use it later to say I gave you this, and I gave you that, etc to try and make you feel badly and gain some sort of leverage?
@vanissaberg5824
Жыл бұрын
Yep especially the gifting thing. They use that as leverage to manipulate you later down the road once you stop giving them what they want. I ended up giving back birthday presents they had given me and never asking them for anything so they can't hold it over my head to make me feel obligated or guilty anymore.
@bfisherful
Жыл бұрын
@@dianemuldoon2974the lovemombing with gifts are transactional. They regurgitate it when they're told NO, cant get their way in something, holding them accountable and leaving them. The gifts are manipulative way to keep you serving them and controlling you. You are right, friends do it as well and they idealize you for their own purpose of helping them achieve an image, job, influence, your money, etc.
@ilonaendisch5603
Жыл бұрын
oh i've read the 4 agreements it's SO GOOD!
@ilonaendisch5603
Жыл бұрын
so on point about the transactions my narcissistic brother sends my 6 year old presents yet does not call her to have a relationship
@sherrie3632
4 жыл бұрын
I know you have thousands of comments and it's overwhelming to read them all. But you helped me get out of a 30 year marriage to a narcissist. I don't hate him. I have sadness that it's not that he didn't want to love, he was incapable. I spent 30 years trying to prove my love, our children did the same. We never thought to ask him to show love to us. I'm grateful for your education and wisdom on this subject and will carry this with me on my journey to find love in a partner and companion. My son is also very grateful I finally left his dad. I held back leaving earlier because I didn't want to raise my son in a broken family, I think more harm was caused by staying. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
@loormaria
3 жыл бұрын
Oh gosh Sherrie, that’s exactly why I’m staying. My boys are so young. I tried the separation for a while and they were not okay. It broke my heart to see them so lost and sad that we weren’t a family, so we reconciled. He changed for a bit, but is starting back on his old ways. I’m starting marriage counseling again with a new therapist.
@FaithfulandTrue949
3 жыл бұрын
@@loormaria try and show your sons that his words and actions don't match, get them to recognise their feelings if they were gaslit or manipulated by asking "did that feel kind or loving?" would a kind person belittle you like that or does that gift feel like a gift or does it come with strings attached and expectation? Beware abuse worsened when I returned, finally fled to a refuge with my little one leaving all. Thank God we did, He is the only Truth that can save you 🙏🏻
@teal1010
3 жыл бұрын
I always advise my friends and family, if you "stay" in a marriage where there is abuse, it's "already" broken"...get out of that marriage!
@philima
3 жыл бұрын
@@loormaria please leave, your kids won't be okay with you being abused. better to spare them and yourself the pain.
@chantleolyvia3638
3 жыл бұрын
Be strong dear! God bless you always I’m sure you will get a super kind n nice husband later after leave the toxic one..
@brindageorge701
3 жыл бұрын
I attract narcissists like a sticky flysheet. Two traits on my part that I've narrowed problem down to: 1. Unconsciously fawning. 2. Readily accommodating and compromising.
@ehyeh365
3 жыл бұрын
Such great empath qualities. So great, when u hang out with empaths!
@chillibeginnersgrowalongwi5624
3 жыл бұрын
Me too ❤🤷♀️😂
@shadowasmr4299
3 жыл бұрын
What does unconsciously fawning mean?
@khana5pc
3 жыл бұрын
Brinda. You hit it on the nail with those two things with me also. if you want to share how you examine those things or give an example would be wonderful. --- how you shifted from what you thought was accommodating and compromising which are good things but -we- do those and inappropriate situations with covert narcissists. I learned so much from real life examples. I totally get the theory . I get stuck on what to do when it's actually happening. Thnx for share.
@robertsinnerman7804
3 жыл бұрын
@@shadowasmr4299 unintentionally showing affection or admiration.
@Kitoni31
4 жыл бұрын
I know it sounds like something out of a self help book, but finding real happiness really repelles those suckers. They can't stand it if you are actually happy.
@theresefournier3269
4 жыл бұрын
Imagine!
@7hilladelphia
4 жыл бұрын
Too right
@lauraJa777
4 жыл бұрын
Soooooo True. When others are happy it makes them crazy. They always pick it apart.
@melissamary8305
3 жыл бұрын
Thats the thing, they're dangerous
@Kitoni31
3 жыл бұрын
@@melissamary8305 they really are.
@imana4838
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve grown up with narcissistic siblings…and I ended up becoming a people pleaser just to buffer their negativity…your channel has really opened my eyes to the mental abuse I’ve grown up with and the mockery and belittling I still experience today…I didn’t realize their words taught me to self sabotage my own goals in life…I love your points about surrounding yourself with people who actually care about myself and about not sharing my goals or successes in life with my narcissistic family members…cause they’re really not happy for me. 😳
@martap.548
2 жыл бұрын
I've born into a Narcissistic family of huge number of people. I truly believe i'm the only non-narc in the whole family on my mother's side. They've done a lot of damage in me that i still suffer from. Recently i found out that the only person i ever trusted was my childhood friend of 50 years that i really admired is a COVERT Narcissist. Looking back i had a million signs under my nose but i chose to ignore it. It is so normal for me to deal with narcs all my life that i didn't even notice anything different. I am also a people pleaser, i gave everyone a billion chance to abuse me again and again. I understand your situation, i feel for you. I hope you'll heal your soul soon and find true happiness with normal folks. Wish you the best! 😘
@kimberlybrown5348
2 жыл бұрын
Once you learn the tools to deal with them and start using them, it changes EVERYTHING! I grew up in a dysfunctional home and like you, didn't even realize what was going on. I thought it was normal.
@arenee118
Жыл бұрын
I eventually went no contact with my siblings. The one is a narcissist and I am her primary target. The other five enable her and blame me. It doesn't help that I was the scapegoat in the family.
@francesbernard2445
Жыл бұрын
Me and my brothers were only 3 years apart in age. When our father was home all of us felt like we were walking on eggshells even when he was allegedly sleeping because we never knew when he was going to be only pretending to sleep while assuming things about what we were up to at the time. So all 3 of us learned how to be people pleasers whenenver the situation was calling for it. A narcissist loves to triangulate people like us before we get their number.
@charlottetheartist327
Жыл бұрын
Hugs
@Star-333
3 жыл бұрын
Pay attention to how you feel when you meet someone. For me personally, I literally feel physically cold all of a sudden when I meet a person like that. I've learned the hard way not to ignore my first impression.
@TheMilwaukeeProtocol
2 жыл бұрын
I have something similar, which feels more like cringe. It's like, "I know I should like you but I really don't like you and I don't know why I don't like you and I feel guilty about that...." Until I realize I was indeed detecting something.
@beautifulplaces2703
2 жыл бұрын
True. For me some of the ways I felt were feeling drained, being afraid to be myself, and eventually feeling cringe.
@amrinkhan2672
2 жыл бұрын
Yup. For me, it’s the anxiety I used to write off as “butterflies.”
@MonicaGunderson
2 жыл бұрын
Right!?!?!?!? I feel uncomfortable AF, socially awkward ( which is weird for me). I can almost hear, "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!" Or like Spidey Senses.... My body feels something is not right, or someone is being fake. I need to listen to that feeling next time, cause it has a pretty good track record of being right about BS. I get the whole pit in my stomach, feel ill, cotton dry throat.... It's like a deer getting the first smell of a forest fire..... I have C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse when I was a preteen and teen by my stepdad..... So yeah....... Unfortunately narcissistic feels "like home" to me.... And when my blinders fall off..... 🤦♀️ 🤷♀️😥
@robinobrian4842
2 жыл бұрын
I'm still very susceptible, but I'm learning!!
@mostthegames3723
4 жыл бұрын
Charisma is like wearing cologne and not showering. Perfect analogy!!
@saltaba321
3 жыл бұрын
Idk, I have two narcissistic parents and I am very compassionate and a people person, probably because narcs make you learn how to read the slightest signs in people to notice a change of heart... So, I am also very extraverted and I consider myself to be charismatic. But I am not hiding anything, I sincerely admire people for the good things they do and tell them this. So, I don't like the analogy.
@GnosisDharma
3 жыл бұрын
@@saltaba321 Yeah I also think I'm kind of charismatic, but not charming though. Sadly it is very common for very abusive persons to be very charming I have seen it many times and they wrap people around their little finger. People can be abusive even if they aren't charming too.
@glorykache2851
Жыл бұрын
OMG 😢 I’m crying while watching this. I didn’t even realize I was in this kind of a relationship until now. Thank you so much for this video. It is really so unhealthy. I feel so lonely and not myself.
@JestDreamin
Жыл бұрын
Same here!😢
@kennadimpho5099
Жыл бұрын
I’m right there with you sis 🤞
@arachneplayz
Жыл бұрын
Hope you can find the strength and knowlege to repel any narcissistic relationships!
@Srossartist
Жыл бұрын
You’re lucky you found her channel now. I needed it 13 years ago and suffered way too long. Just having awareness will get you through. Be patient with your healing process, you’re doing great🥰
@matadeneelima5721
8 ай бұрын
Be strong dear. Trust God.There are many people who are out of it and living peacefully.
@nanamama152
4 жыл бұрын
That bit about the charisma. Holy crap, so that's why I usually dislike the kind of people everyone else seems to adore. I've been exposed to narcissism far too early.
@asseyez-vous6492
4 жыл бұрын
I know, I’m the same. I can’t stand the ‘charming’ ones, it’s an instant turn off for me. Always has been.
@danielkaiser8971
4 жыл бұрын
When the charisma is genuine, you will know it and it will stand the test of time, and it will not be a cover for something else.
@pyarkaaloo
4 жыл бұрын
I think there’s a difference bw genuine charm/authenticity & artificial charm that is slick (but u still have to be cautious)...even if the slickness is well played, I can usually feel if something is wrong...there’s something abt being disingenuous that repels me
@roohisayed89
3 жыл бұрын
Sometimes it’s a sister. You have to learn to say ‘no’. Cut them off no matter how much it hurts you. It is not selfish, just sane. Lastly, believe that you can be happy even if you cut off family. It’s okay to cut off family.
@dnk4559
3 жыл бұрын
Very difficult but sometimes necessary…
@jeannieneuser5316
3 жыл бұрын
Yes, it IS okay to cut off family!! If you wouldn't tolerate the behavior from a stranger, then it is *even*worse*, coming from those who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. It sucks, but if you can do this, you are strong!! And you will build yourself a good life, without these people. Much love to you, girl. 🤗💖
@mrst1246
3 жыл бұрын
FOC = Family Of Choice is who I'm most drawn to now, thankfully. I've a sane, serene existence now! YAYAYAY!
@Sarah-pj4vo
2 жыл бұрын
I completely agree. I've had to cut off a lot maternal relatives because of their toxic and dysfunctional behaviour.
@redlikewineagain697
2 жыл бұрын
Right?! So many people have the bar on the floor when it comes to family. Raise the bar!
@Dysfuctional101
4 жыл бұрын
>*Please read*< My sister is a covert narc. 4years older than me. She's been lying about me to my parents and extended family/friends since I was a baby( We are in our 30s now) she has spent her life tormenting me and assassinating my character Contact was on and off between us for years(instigated by me after she hit me in private, then denied it, several times) we've been completely no contact again for 5 years and still I'm hearing lies she told about me that I never knew. We ignore each other if she comes to my parents home. So now she works on my parents and uses them. Our mother is now becoming wise to my sisters narc ways. My father doesn't believe it. Still thinks I'm a 'trouble maker' and not trust worthy. My advice is NEVER try to tell people about the narcs 'evil ways'... You will look crazy. EVERY TIME! And the narc will be believed again. Please ignore it, go to counselling and wait for the day others see it themselves and apologise to you. You won't ever get an apology from the narc but when others see it themselves, you will feel vindicated.
@marisadaniela6
4 жыл бұрын
Wow I saw this topic on another video and they recommended the same thing. You'll only make yourself look crazy if you try to show the narcs true colors
@d.on.in.a
4 жыл бұрын
Dr Ramani herself made a video about this! So sad but so true, if you call the narcissist out, you won't be believed most likely!
@monbonica4362
4 жыл бұрын
This is so interesting to me how family members try to destroy others even at a young age when there is absolutely nothing to be mad about. This happened to me too. I had to really stand my ground (when I was older) because no one would believe me, but I was adamant. I was like if you don't believe me then GET LOST. Of course it was very destructive, but so were the lies. The destruction just seemed the same difference to me. So I just threw a big monkey wrench into everything.
@Dysfuctional101
4 жыл бұрын
@@monbonica4362 so glad you had the strength to get away from it. I hope you're living a good life free of narcs
@lesleyelalami2562
4 жыл бұрын
@@monbonica4362 Good for you!!! I had to do it with my only daughter as her behaviour was well out of normal range (identical to my narc ex-husband's abuse of me) and my red alert radar was constantly going berserk. I wasn't going through that from a 4th generation.... she'd been coaching her children in the narc agenda too. Peace reigns now they've been absent for nearly 5 years.
@meghna454
Жыл бұрын
In my experience, I’ve seen that when you share the compliments other people give you, it can trigger the narcissist into being even nastier, but it definitely aggravates them to know that other people like you, your personality and your work! It can sometimes lead to dramatic episodes, but these episodes are very helpful to call them out on their behavior! To show them that it’s evident that they are not the gracious, simple and honest people they claim to be all the time! Thank you Dr. Ramani! Your videos have been very helpful to me!
@arlene9480
4 жыл бұрын
I recently met a very bright, accomplished, charming, seemingly warm and witty neighbor who introduced herself by reporting her many professional achievements to me and additionally those of her children. Never once did she inquire about me or my interests. I decided this would be probably a good person to avoid from the start. Best not to risk trouble. She appears dedicated to maintaining a perfect image and a perfect decor. I doubt she will even know my name the next time we meet.
@annabee922
4 жыл бұрын
I need to learn your superpower! 😩 Seems like you are able to identify an energy sucker from that first meeting..have you always been able to do that or did you need to practice it like a skill? I tend to get sucked into the "listener's trap" because apparently they can smell my good listening skills from a mile away or something. And since I don't talk about myself too much, they are more than happy to talk my ear off about them and turn anything I say about myself right back to them..it's exhausting.
@swizzleproxi4810
4 жыл бұрын
Whawooo
@arlene9480
4 жыл бұрын
I’ve learned from experience that if someone dumps his resume on you at first meeting, they will likely continue to do so and show themselves to be no one you want to know. The superiority game starts at first greeting.
@vickylight11
4 жыл бұрын
Alena First greeting says a lot. So true! For me, when that first encounter is over, if I don’t feel happy, or I feel a tight gut, I know something is wrong. I used to blame myself but now, maybe I have more practice, it’s getting clearer as to who they are from the start.
@pyarkaaloo
4 жыл бұрын
Sounds awful! Ppl like this are nauseating 😒
@khalidababaali2583
3 жыл бұрын
Being smart is not a virtue ... wow that speaks volumes
@om9670
3 жыл бұрын
That statement...omg
@kellywerner5976
4 жыл бұрын
I became financially independent so I didn't need his money. It took alot of hard work but well worth all the long hours. I have more confidence knowing I can take care of myself.
@MaladyRose
3 жыл бұрын
Seeing this comment made me cry. One of the worst positions to be in is being economically dependent of a person who wrecks you emotionally. You feel like you can never escape. I'm glad you achieved independence and I'll work hard to do the same.
@celtic4033
3 жыл бұрын
I can't wait to be financially independent from him...
@shannonrichards5984
3 жыл бұрын
I'm working on that to Kelly! Can't wait to be finally free!
@EL-fq8to
3 жыл бұрын
We'll get there.
@sherikwasnik5290
3 жыл бұрын
My ex fiancé encouraged me to go back to school to become a nurse, avoided me the entire time I was in school, then tried to get me to “take care of him and his Mom” when I was finished. He was always trying to get me to pay for him, taking advantage of me, and never wanted me to be involved in his personal life or with his family. I was so miserable, but kept giving him repeated chances. He was legitimately shocked when I said I wasn’t happy and broke up with him. He did nothing, except tell me that “he would always love me” and then proceed to pretend that I never existed. Life is so much better for me now. I am with a man who loves me, he tells me, he shows me. He is real and invites me to be part of his real life. The best thing ex did was be an asshole, bc I never would have left.
@karatzekaratze9000
2 жыл бұрын
This is exactly what helps me staying away, going no contact: It is a waste of life time. Very true. Unfortunatly I only realized this after decades, when severe illness made me aware that time might be more limited than I ever thought. I somehow always believed that I have to live with whatever problems my narcissist mother caused me, because when you are brought up you are taught that you can't dump your family. Yes you can. The mother plus the rest of the bunch because otherwise she will use them as enablers and flying monkeys.
@debrasexton6050
Жыл бұрын
I know this too well
@j.thornton8390
Жыл бұрын
Same
@sueb6885
4 жыл бұрын
It is important as you stated not to get into these relationships in the first place! If you grew up with narcissistic parents and are an empath you are a narcissist magnet. After years and years I have broken free from the narcissists in my life! Remember narcissists are very dangerous!
@BS-dq1kz
4 жыл бұрын
Oh geez 🤦🏻♀️My dad is a narcissist and it is horrible. I hate to sound like I’m patting my own back but I really think I am an empath. I have allowed the narcissists in my life to absolutely devour me. I feel hopeless and depressed now. Pretty sure my husband has some narcissistic tendencies as well but I can’t be sure because he has also been diagnosed with Aspergers years ago. I love him and I think he loves me as much as he’s capable of loving. He found his dad dead at 5 yrs old and remembers it clearly. He has a mom who has never said “I love you” to him or hugged him or anything like that. I think that’s weird. Anyway, I can’t tell if he’s a narcissist or if he’s just emotionally immature or closed off because he has never been taught or shown how to be compassionate, loving, affectionate, etc... He also uses sarcasm often and I despise sarcasm. I just hate feeling the way I do and when I read your comment it kinda shocked me because I didn’t think having a narcissistic father and being a loving person myself, would make me a magnet for narcissists but you may be right!
@debwefoxx9389
4 жыл бұрын
BS17 Keep learning. It’s confusing and upsetting but it will get clearer and clearer. Regardless of what your husband has experienced, please value what you have experienced and are experiencing now as more important. You are the only one who can, who knows what it’s like inside.
@TT-ls1yz
4 жыл бұрын
@@debwefoxx9389 I agree with you. BS17, focus on yourself. Just because your husband had difficult childhood is not for you to 'fix'. It is an explanation, not an excuse for him to hurt you with sarcasm. Tell him straight on his face, I didn't like what you said and I don't like sarcasm. Remember we can't change any adult unless they want to change. Your focus must be on "YOU", to make sure you are healthy, happy, content. Be at peace with yourself. Treat yourself well. Find activities and people who value you and make you happy. No one loves us as much as we love ourselves. So, take care, lots of love from Austin, TX 💞🌹🍫
@sueb6885
4 жыл бұрын
@@BS-dq1kz Well narcissists love to play the victim role to keep kind, empathetic people on the hook. Often times they are not telling the truth about their past or are exaggerating it. Even if some of it is true there is NOTHING you can do to FIX it for them. My last narc relationship I was a captive audience for years of whining and victim mentality. It ultimately harmed me but didn't heal the narcissist at all. They cannot be fixed in this lifetime. Value you yourself enough to break the trauma bond and stop the abuse. When you look back, most likely you will wonder why you stayed so long. Its just not worth it.
@genevalawrence801
4 жыл бұрын
If you grew up with narcissistic parents, unfortunately it's likely that you won't recognize the danger of a new narcissist easily. The new narcissist in your life will feel familiar, even comfortable at first. Just like "home."
@tjd8139
3 жыл бұрын
Gurl - where you been all of my life? I'm an only child, and you're like the wiser big sister I wish I had. Thanks for your dedication to doing this Dr. R 💞
@vandit6354
3 жыл бұрын
Only child here as well. thats why my mother knows she can do what she wants with me and theres no consequences.
@lorindasmith9846
3 жыл бұрын
Right! I am an only child too and I am also similar to an empath and this Dr has been so amazing for my mind and soul, wish I thought about this stuff years ago as I always thought I was doing something wrong.
@riviclaye615
4 жыл бұрын
"Charisma is like heavy perfume that is probably covering up something else."----HAHAHA! Dr. Ramani, where do you come up with these gems?:) This is one of the best videos you have made, in my opinion. I actually saved it, to show to my daughter when she turns 10, to help protect her from toxic people in the future.
@angelauraheart
4 жыл бұрын
I would show it to her again every year at least once
@nicola-anneross5585
4 жыл бұрын
Teaching your child about narsissism is a beautiful thing to do
@vukilemtshali9786
4 жыл бұрын
They sound easy and yet they are spot on.... I don't think there is anything more
@KayQhosa
3 жыл бұрын
Yes!!!
@user-yk9sk7pg6v
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Shell, your daughter is lucky to have your guidance in this life. Thank you for keeping her safe.
@kathleenalexander2022
2 жыл бұрын
They addressed so many issues lots of people had with the narcissists and that makes me extremely happy to know that he is really listening to their community like they did so many years ago. Thanks *Leapnotch*
@niggaflies
2 жыл бұрын
#13, Trust your instincts. If you feel the relationship is not right, leave!
@ljrockstar69
Жыл бұрын
Yes, this is a good one, be on guard for red flags.
@niggaflies
Жыл бұрын
@@ljrockstar69 Thanks
@RonTon89
Жыл бұрын
Hardest thing to do! 😫 One green flag (real or not) would cancel out like 5 red flags when I was in my last relationship. You find that small perceived good deed or hope, and cling onto it! 😢
@niggaflies
Жыл бұрын
@@RonTon89 It is
@FindYourFree
Жыл бұрын
yes!
@Luke-fu5co
4 жыл бұрын
One of the most important things to remember is; YOU👏DESERVE👏HEALTHY👏RELATIONSHIPS👏 I know myself, i feel like there mustve been something i did to deserve it, or even just not recognising the toxic behaviour altogether. But everyone deserves honest, empathetic and genuine connections with the people in our lives 💖💖
@debwefoxx9389
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for the reminder
@balancedplans3007
4 жыл бұрын
👍
@francesca.pellegrino
4 жыл бұрын
The key is IDing them early. I once had a coworker admit openly, she was proud of having done this, that she intentionally terrorized her grandson by throwing his video game system out of the window from 3 stories up. Apparently, his grades were slipping, and his soccer stats were slipping too. He had gotten benched or something, I don't remember. This woman told me that story within the first month that I knew her, even though it had happened many many years ago. And she was all, "THAT is how you raise obedient children. You find out what they love more than anything, and you set it ablaze." Thanks for telling me you're a narcissist in our 3rd conversation together, Brenda (not her real name). Now I'm going to avoid you like the plague.
@abowling5759
3 жыл бұрын
Sounds more like a sociopath..Poor boy!
@alanalycan3986
Жыл бұрын
Such an emotionally wise lady ☺️ her soul is very advanced 💜
@miaferrari958
3 жыл бұрын
In retrospective, the thing that bothers me the most about dealing with a narcissist is having let them in, letting them know too much about myself, because they always found a way to use that against me. I'm not saying I would never be open with anyone again, but I sure am more careful now who I trust (and believe me that narcissists are the most "welcoming" and "warm" people on first interactions) And in all honesty, I hate that I have to walk on eggshells around a person until I can say I know them because I always want to see the best in people, but protecting my mental health will always be first.
@az_asaf
3 жыл бұрын
OMG it's like you've typed my situation and my feelings
@janan5570
3 жыл бұрын
I so relate to what you said. I’ve had to harden my heart to learn to NOT trust immediately. That’s what narcs count on and look for.
@NickBatinaComposer
3 жыл бұрын
I’ve been workin on this same thing bruh, can I share an idea that might help? I’ve been rolling this idea around like a dung beetle for a good while, so I’m glad others feel this way too (aside from the “being abused” part, u know what I mean lol). The fact is, we are here to learn to be healthy and be happy, and part of that authentic experience IS the draw to be vulnerable. It feels good and well that that’s the case, that seems like the right thing to do, so let’s do that, moving forward only with the understanding and foresight to take the reigns ever further when people begin to change your course. Looking at it like this, you’re just acting as the feathers of an arrow, slowly modifying and steadying the trajectory of your life. The momentum is already there, it is the strong emotional foundations, experience, drive to escape, empathy, morals, cognition, rationale, and an untainted healthy core. Don’t include them into your version of the game, and trust in your version of the game, a trust generated from its unshakable empathy and compassion. Gl yall, and I’m not sayin that’s easy at all, it’s tough to stick to. Hold tight to the knowledge that their game is to shake your worldview, and it’s easier to catch in the moment ❤️
@oklahomaisok
3 жыл бұрын
they love to say “blood is thicker than water” and other such sayings after they’ve done something destructive, to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries against them. Dealing with family is the hardest because some family members will try to suck you into family situations or gatherings with the narcissist family members.
@HannaBenana
3 жыл бұрын
I hate the short version of that proverb, the full version is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" I told my dad that every time he said it. He hates it, haha.
@mikemendez3778
3 жыл бұрын
or the if you cant handle me at my worst you dont deserve me at my best
@joemann7971
3 жыл бұрын
Just reply "syrup is thicker than blood, so what's your point?"
@nantiachronidou3799
3 жыл бұрын
Unbelievable... Exactly same story with a sibling that is a narc. She was using it as an excuse to make me feel guilty when i was taking a step back. Its just incredible how this disorder is so identical to people that suffer from it.
@oklahomaisok
3 жыл бұрын
@@nantiachronidou3799 It definitely follows a pattern. I think for decades many of these people have been diagnosed as borderline personality disorder when they are narcissistic, there are variations on narcissism but they all follow a pattern of being extremely self-centered people who use others for their own benefit and don’t care about how much they cause damage to them, their finances, their relationships or even their jobs or businesses. They get a sadistic sense of power from doing that.
@rhumimaher9470
3 жыл бұрын
never let a narcissist act as a middleman in your relationships, they will come across as a generous facilitator and later use them as leverage against you- if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
@locman6228
3 жыл бұрын
dang, just went through this, and i knew better
@Lisa-nt7wt
2 жыл бұрын
This is so helpful to me.Over 50% of my family are narcissists and the mom is the ring leader. After I found my meaning and joy for life, everything got so much better. I no longer focus on pleasing them (it's impossible to make them happy anyways since all they want to do is control). Now I plant and enjoy my flowers, travel, go to weekly bible studies and stay busy doing things I like to do. I can tell they are very jealous and envious that I no longer focus on them. I do y own thing and it's so much more peaceful being in my own thoughts. I said all this to thank you Dr. Ramani for these videos. I am a witness that everything you teach is true and pratical. I am better now because I took notes and really let everything process in my mind. You truly are a blessing to the world. God Bless You, Lisa !
@charlottetheartist327
Жыл бұрын
Lisa. It's been pleasant hearing your testimony. I thank Jesus for protection over you now. And also, during that time of escape. Amen. I know he can help me and my 3 children. I know he is. Amen.
@landline516
3 жыл бұрын
I wish I had this information 5 decades ago. This is the education our schools don't give us.
@andrearobinson9809
3 жыл бұрын
So many of the teachers need to do this first - then teach it to their students, inevitably they are not getting it from home. They could get a lot done with children in a year.
@margarethession5980
2 жыл бұрын
Children and teenagers are not there. They are in the moment, friends, food, family, social media, sex, hobbies. They are not mature enough to grasp this shit. There are people that are 60 and dont get it.... Sometimes you cant teach life and unless you have been with a NARC, no one will EVER get it.
@suzesinger6762
2 жыл бұрын
That ...is most probably that a lot of Teachers - AREEE Narcs. !?!? ;))))
@lesleyfarris4025
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr Ramani. I was born into a toxic family and I'm now nearly 70 years old. You are a wonderful teacher and I'm learning so much from you.
@brooklynchristopher7261
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for all that you've done for I and my family during the difficult time! *minslegend* you eased all my pain and provided a beautiful celebration... thank you so much for the evidence you helped me received against my Narcissist husband, Your kindness and professionalism helped us through and is much appreciated
@kimslone5185
4 жыл бұрын
Number one is the most important. It's important to recognize lies.
@mdee860
4 жыл бұрын
linda kauder - Hmm, mine usually started with love bombing. Either way, they are all smoke & mirrors & really big liars. Evil people.
@annburge291
4 жыл бұрын
I had to learn what a lie meant sound's stupid but I was putting it on a balance and if it tilted to truth I accepted it as valid. I had to learn that placing a truth out of context is a lie, leaving out critical information is a lie, exaggeration is a lie, changing the order of history is a lie...
@lesleyelalami2562
4 жыл бұрын
@@annburge291 Exactly ... there are lies by omission (not telling the full truth, being selective to tailor your conversation with a certain slant to suit yourself) and lies by commission (outright, bald, bold-faced lies that have no truth whatsoever in them). They come in all shapes and sizes and from all angles. BS detector working overtime!!!
@MsKariSmith
3 жыл бұрын
Somehow get a sense of humor, use it to distance yourself from your narc. They won't like it one bit, but whatever they do or say...just laugh it off. Laughter is a great anti-stress trick that is good for you.
@Gracenglory5
3 жыл бұрын
I literally just did this a week ago!! They (dealing with a covert malignant narc duo) hung up on ME!! 😂 Threw them off completely as they tried to bully, project and blame me. Epic.
@teal1010
3 жыл бұрын
I did that two months and counting! They took EVERYTHING away and waited for my response! None!!! At first it hurt, how can a person do such a thing but, thanks to videos about Narcissists, I'm laughing every day! 🤣
@deborahcollins1100
3 жыл бұрын
I always thought I had a good sense of humor but my husband never thinks anything I say is funny ever! People at work used to laugh at stuff I said and it wasn’t being hateful about anyone at all. But no my husband just never laughs when I try to make light of a situation. But he laughs at the most awful things that are happening! Go figure! 🥲
@najeehaamid5194
3 жыл бұрын
ooh ooh be careful....they get angry, like really angry 😡 when you laugh even though you may be laughing at the situation not at the person.
@lanaerhodes6350
3 жыл бұрын
doing that now, we at the end laughing my ass off, he lost his keys ...NOT MY PROBLEM, aw you gotta get a new work badge and was on your keys and cant find your wallet....LMAO NOT MY PROBLEM!
@rachellemcchesney49
3 жыл бұрын
I lost 35 years of my life to a narcissists. I was so young and so blind. I fought nail and tooth to get my degree in education. It wasn't until I took it a step further to get my master's to be a school counselor when I realized his addiction to porn. I learned that he had hidden this our entire marriage - which explained a lot of his other behaviors. I finally found the courage to leave. My sister Anna, who is a strong headed woman, helped me out of the hell I was enduring. Another friend also opened my eyes to what narcissism was and that it was something that would not go away. I endured years of physical, mental, emotional and even sexual abuse. It has not been easy starting out on my own (with my 16 year old daughter). But I now feel so safe and happy. My 20 year old son still lives with his dad. I breaks my heart to see him becoming like his dad. I don't quite know what to do about that. But now, I am continuing my education and am considering getting my PhD. I also have a list of inspirational books that I am wanting to write. I have found my passion. And I am running with it!
@jackpetersen7545
2 жыл бұрын
Rachelle McChesney,You deserves better 🙏
@lerragnar0kk479
2 жыл бұрын
run run run and congrads-you are heroic-you will get yr son out-that day will arrive SOON-if 50 is the new 25 remember yr son is still ten-do not ever give up and he will see the truth!
@proverbs3530
2 жыл бұрын
37 years for me. Now my husband is disabled, ugh. But atleast I have this info and can STOP being controlled. Karma?
@meredithheath5272
2 жыл бұрын
More than 40 years... So don't think you are alone - or stupid because you didn't get out sooner: Sometimes circumstances limit our choices at that time, and, in particular, "lack of information".
@marys33794
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Rachelle, I hope to read one of your books when they are published. And well done for having the courage to leave a long, unhealthy and sad relationship. That takes mega courage and bravery. Cork city, Ireland. 👍❣💞
@jaynematthews5430
Жыл бұрын
My Both of my parents were narcissistic, of course I married one and find I was a magnet for them. But not now. I listen to the bells and whistles, be they loud or soft. It has been over 8 years since my last narcissistic relationship. As stated many times in the comments, I was too nice, too accommodating, and once you stand up and start changing your behavior, they have no interest in you, as they can no longer manipulate you. I believe I have learned and now am so very aware when meeting someone new.. Thank you for the advice and guidance that you share with us. It is so appreciated.
@vanissaberg5824
Жыл бұрын
I worry because my husband is also a very generous and kind person and I swear narcissistic manipulators can smell kindness like blood in a bathtub full of sharks. People who are not even close to him ask to borrow money and all kinds of favors. I know why he feels obligated to do it. I was also a people pleaser for my toxic family for years trying to keep the peace. But it's not healthy and it'll eventually wear you down. You have to set firm boundaries and not fall into the guilt trap these people use to reel you back in so they can continue to take advantage of you.
@dhanyaslifeventure
4 жыл бұрын
The best way,if you are lucky,flush them off. Forget they exist especially in their presence.
@mjayanthi3425
4 жыл бұрын
Shilpa, love it . The phrase flush them, Not easy, but that is the way to do it . Narcs will find new ways to find their daily food If not they will go hungry with out hurting the person under their grip But one should make them go hungry By flushing everything they do to hurt victims
@dhanyaslifeventure
4 жыл бұрын
@@mjayanthi3425 hey.....nice one huh
@jessicae1695
4 жыл бұрын
One of mine is to block them. 🤷🏾♀️They are not entitled to your energy. I noticed my creativity blossoming when I blocked a couple. It’s like I stopped feeding them and fed myself for once. It’s a beautiful thing.
@lissebae
4 жыл бұрын
I just did a series of blockings and I feel better already. It is time that I let these people go for good and stop giving them a way to contact me.
@ebonysmith2936
3 жыл бұрын
Find time to create your own space where you feel at peace. I wake up early just to center myself before the hell starts.
@coryanne9031
3 жыл бұрын
Agree, I treasure any alone time, I feel calm, light, peaceful.
@jwknits7880
3 жыл бұрын
Yes, when I’m home alone I get the cleaning and cooking done, and things I want to do but if he’s here it’s me waiting to see what he wants to do, it feels like a waiting game to see if he will look at me, touch me, acknowledge me.
@sararichardson737
3 жыл бұрын
I got into that habit when I was cohabiting with toxic one. Still waking early with the horrors of it all still haunting me alas.
@stefaniatallberg5534
8 ай бұрын
“Second chances turn to 10,000 chances and a lifetime lost to psychological abuse.” I will remember that
@ntitus3025
4 жыл бұрын
There's so much peace in your delivery of this subjects. Gems upon gems every time. You are greatly appreciated❣
@keithpage8672
3 жыл бұрын
What an ADVISER, TEACHER !!!!!!! I'm extremely appreciative, thank you Dr Ramani.
@huggablepenguin1465
3 жыл бұрын
"Learn to tolerate their discomfort, instead of succumbing by constantly being the one who compromises for them." 8:33-8:41
@jamesspareusbeatztm9555
3 жыл бұрын
It's amazing how that works isn't it? lol I just think it's sad when the person who's trying so hard to who the narc is, is the narc themselves. leaving no stone unturned.
@thegreencleancrew2818
3 жыл бұрын
Whew..this was me....I didn''t like the discomfort.
@mamamagere
3 жыл бұрын
Repellent: Defining yourself. Creating a life that you love filled with what you love to do. 😊
@mariethomas6289
3 жыл бұрын
thanks for this La La
@Livia-hv6gw
3 жыл бұрын
Dr Romani has a great Chanel in this subjucet. I try to listen to all videos.
@acolley2891
3 жыл бұрын
yes! the less I focus him, the less he tries to control me. If we have sex, he gets worse.
@TheBjabeytalial
3 жыл бұрын
❤
@kidistkibret4959
3 жыл бұрын
The passion is the Narcs worst enemy. The moment mine started to make fun of it and belittle my years of hard work to build a career, I ran away as far as possible. My passion is my medicine towards my healing
@A.C.71
3 жыл бұрын
The best thing to do is leave a narcissist instead of having to deal with them..they will never change so what's the point. I lost a year of my life to a narcissist..never again. She is so right about "second chances" I kept on doing that over and over she began using it as if she was giving me a second chance like I was the problem..always trying to twist things to be my fault no matter what. I feel so bad for the next guy..she comes off great at first then once in her web she begins to suck the life out of you.
@wchiwinky
4 жыл бұрын
"No is a complete sentence" !...XLNT!....and 'no contact' is a complete settling! Thank You Dr Ramani, You are a complete Blessing!
@traceyellis7399
11 ай бұрын
Thank you 🙏 Dr Ramani. I spent years thanking a lot of behaviours was toxic and I was right but the enablers really don’t help and this becomes the normal for some people to except these toxic behaviours! After weeding my garden I feel the healthiest I have EVER felt and started to thrive. You probably don’t realise how much you help so many people and validate their genuine feelings, pain and suffering which will lead to a better life one day if they take your advice. Bless you ❤ for all you do 🙏
@a.l9313
4 жыл бұрын
I had a 90 day trial when first meeting someone new. I figured a person can pretend to be someone else for a few months, then you can see if their words and actions line up. I've extended the period to 120 days. Lol.
@kristinerivera6637
3 жыл бұрын
for six years i expired my communication with him
@jazz-hummingbird
3 жыл бұрын
“Stop falling for charisma and charm” - Dr Ramani. Awesome 👍
@lenap4956
3 жыл бұрын
My mom being who she is, I unfortunately never got to experience a healthy and good role model. So thank you doctor for being that voice, you are a huge help.
@DestinationXX3
3 жыл бұрын
I’m in the same boat as you sister
@kikkiak2919
3 жыл бұрын
Same here
@nickyhyman4375
3 жыл бұрын
Me too How does build boundaries when you come from a place where Mum destroyed all?
@manitahathi9361
3 жыл бұрын
46 years n it still hurts but severing ties is the only solution for my peaceful life
@manitahathi9361
3 жыл бұрын
Why should one be obliged to be in a relationship just because it's a toxic mom, divorce is meant for a reason so why not do that to the mom
@DeborahLArmstrong
4 жыл бұрын
I watch for patterns in every new relationship. Everyone can have a bad day, and I would not want to be judged for having a bad day. But when I see a pattern of behavior like gaslighting or always having to be devil's advocate, or interrupting and over-talking, etc... I will ghost.
@MonicaGunderson
2 жыл бұрын
Don't change boundaries just to make others feel comfortable, while making you feel uncomfortable.
@ericblack1127
2 жыл бұрын
Here's a rule I came up with on my own in trying to protect myself from narcissists (though I just saw them as "bad people" ): Good people tend to make bad first impressions, while bad people tend to make good first impressions. I realize after watching this video (and some of your others), I was talking about/thinking about charisma/charm/love-bombing hiding something.
@johnrider4649
2 жыл бұрын
@Excel.In.Life.Faith! Good people are honest, are themselves, and don't tend to highly develop social game skills. Therefore, initially, can come across as somewhat socially clumsy. In fact, they are not playing 'the game'.
@lynncostello2305
2 жыл бұрын
John rider you are do right . I am socially anxious and I tend to make bad impressions
@rebeccafly9432
3 жыл бұрын
This was very enlightening. I've been saying we need to stop as a society thinking people are virtuous because they are smart, rich or famous. I've noticed people with those attributes in particular can get away with abuse for a very long time. Society itself becomes their enabler. We need to learn to look past that.
@sukkritsamaddar6867
3 жыл бұрын
Exactly, but unfortunately i think most people are either Narcissistic or enablers themselves which makes it normalised in the society. I fear pretty soon people like us will be treated as the problem and not them, when the world is full of people with Narcissism or Narcissistic traits and they are genuinely rewarded in various ways, i think the structure of the society created is horrible. Maybe creating a society where they aren't rewarded for their Narcissism and are rather punished for it will change things.
@nanettewatkins7310
3 жыл бұрын
Hello the teachings of the Bible. Seriously, it’s been said over and over in the book.
@rebeccafly9432
3 жыл бұрын
@@nanettewatkins7310 yet people ignore that message
@lrowlands53
4 жыл бұрын
A rule of thumb I now live by after the narc devastation is having zero tolerance for abuse, whatever form it may take and regardless of who the perpetrator is - it's a life saver. Someone who has respect and regard for you will not belittle your existence in any way. There are no mistakes to be forgiven. Walking away is your superpower.
@barbarahawkins7864
Жыл бұрын
What I’ve noticed as being most helpful for me is to take the time & effort needed,no matter how much it is, to become comfortable in my own skin. When I started doing that, my life got a whole lot more peaceful... on the INSIDE.
@nazhadkathrada
3 жыл бұрын
I'm living with a narcissist for 40 yrs, it's been a week I learned about the personality disorder. I didn't know earlier, I've decided to leave him, these videos are helpful in guiding me what to do. I like listening to you Dr Ramani. It's not easy to get out of this relationship but I've to. My children are away so I have to count on myself .
@LeslieMBates
3 жыл бұрын
I've been in a narcissistic relationship for 20 plus years. I've lost hella confidence and I constantly feel overwhelmed and taken advantage of. I have to leave him so that I can begin to breathe freely. So can become my full self. However, I have 2 teenagers who have only known a "nuclear union". I want to ensure they "launch" w/out trauma, so leaving is not the best option for me at the moment. PLUS he will definitely play the role of the ultimate victim. I must leave this union, but HOW?! It cannot be at the expense of my kids.
@hlengiweyourstruly
3 жыл бұрын
This broke my heart
@nazhadkathrada
3 жыл бұрын
@@sillypinkewe not yet, divorce still under process.
@nazhadkathrada
3 жыл бұрын
@@sillypinkewe I'm fine. Thanks a lot for your support, I really appreciate
@catheenmason
2 жыл бұрын
@@LeslieMBates 39 years here. It only gets worse and you only get weaker. Your children will understand if not now they will when they have grown. Just give them lots of love and support and let them talk out their feelings. Make a plan in silence. Then slip out the door with your children when he is not aware and don't let him know where you are. Find a safe place to go in secret. That is what I would do. I left and slipped out really quietly. I told him I was going to take a break to think about things and left most of my things there. 8 months later I sent him divorce papers then gathered my things. I had lots of support but I am lucky he wasn't a malignant narcissists'. He was very rageful but didn't act out to physically harm me.
@marinastavalejoaquim870
3 жыл бұрын
"going with the flow is how many people have lost lifetimes in these relationships" oh god. I lost 6 years of my life like this. I needed to hear this wake up call. She's saving my life. I must take the unpopular, incomprehensive, path.
@az_asaf
3 жыл бұрын
I wasted 14 years
@margaret1524
3 жыл бұрын
Don't feel too bad I've lost 30 years
@wiselichosen6366
3 жыл бұрын
I lost 12, moved on, engaged to be married now, now he wants custody of our 11 year old son🙄narcissism at its finest (worst)
@MarioBohorquezE
3 жыл бұрын
I love how you talk to us, I don't feel judged for once.
@joannephillips6689
3 жыл бұрын
Why would you be judged .are you a narcasists?
@MarioBohorquezE
3 жыл бұрын
@@joannephillips6689 No, I was a victim, but most people don't understand how it is to live it. There is almost no empathy anywhere to male sufferers of female narcissists.
@lisalambert81865
7 ай бұрын
My daughter called me a narcissist, I believe because I was starting to heal and set boundaries. YES I had traits and have been addressing them, since I was raised by a narcissist and learned and were taught behaviors, developed ways to survive in that environment. After that I went for a complete psychiatric evaluation and gave her a copy of the report, it said I was not a narcissist but had suffered traumas throughout my childhood. I also became emotionally stunted at about age 12 when a lot happened from being molested, water boarded and the explosion of my family stemming from my dad catching that in process, which as a child I took on the blame , guilt and shame for. So people can have traits without being a narcissist, we can heal and change but a true narcissist can not.
@AshleySigurdson-fs4ep
3 ай бұрын
I hope your daughter is doing okay..
@lisalambert81865
3 ай бұрын
@@AshleySigurdson-fs4ep me too.
@pjams2745
4 жыл бұрын
I met a famous narcissist and he was the most insecure person I ever met. Successful, yes but hated when you pointed out his weakness.
@hughkelly623
4 жыл бұрын
Yes, they’re typically ostensibly successful on the outside, but on the inside, they’re VERY hypersensitive and miserable human beings. And Narcs do dangerous things because of this.
@tomr4583
4 жыл бұрын
So you met the current President.
@EphemeralProductions
4 жыл бұрын
well to be fair, NO one likes their weaknesses pointed out; it's humbling and embarrassing. But, sometimes it needs to be done and we can only take it maturely and try to use the criticism as constructive.
@EphemeralProductions
4 жыл бұрын
@@tomr4583 lmao! good one! yeah he's a narc if ever I've seen one!
@pjams2745
4 жыл бұрын
@@tomr4583 He was actually one of the Marvel actors. Really bad dude.
@jessicaw.6539
4 жыл бұрын
Not saying too much upfront or seeming too friendly/like an easy target......even ignoring them a little when they say something....prayer and fasting for protection/deliverance
@sylwiareyser7438
4 жыл бұрын
K ko
@rochellearellano7135
2 жыл бұрын
These are really great because they take the burden off of being on the defensive, and place it squarely on taking responsibility for your own life. Also they affirm the fact that you are not helpless just because you're in a relationship with a narcissist. You never need to be a victim
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