Oh my gosh, what a story, f-i-f-t-e-e-n years! I kept shaking my head during this, like this was way over and above anything that should be expected. I'm so glad you were able to finally break free. Do you happen to know how many years your mother did this when it was her turn to give red packets? It was so funny where you kept saying that had you known you would have to do this as an adult, you would never have accepted those red packets, haha. Guess they didn't want to ruin it for the child while it was the child's turn to get them. But really, what a terrible story. Do you know, I had not heard of this specific tradition, so when I read the title of this vlog, Insidious red packets of Chinese New Year, I actually thought it was going to be about the husband bringing home take-out restaurant food way too often during the holiday and having unhealthy packets of restaurant flavorings to add to food or something like that!
@lebooshdiaries
2 ай бұрын
Good question. I believe my mom never did it because her mom (my grandma) was ill for a very long time and passed away relatively young. I also believed that even if my grandma lived till a ripe old age, she wouldn't have demanded my mom to do so because grandma is not like that. My mom only gave red packets to her own sisters and brother's children, not distant aunts and uncles children. The tradition of giving red packets is a worldwide practice by the Chinese, no matter which country they live. But the culture of being forced to "pay back" to relatives offsprings (distant and close) is just my mom. She just wanted her siblings and relatives to know her children have manners and not stingy so that she does not lose face. In Malaysia for example, once u are married, you need to give to an unwed person if u saw them during the lunar new year or they visit you, your subordinates at work (even if they are married), your parents, grandparents (as respect), your closest friend's children and any service worker you wish to give (like the garbage disposal guys, postman, etc). Maybe in other countries, the tradition is a bit different in who you chose to give to. I heard in Vietnam, even when you are single but already working, you will need to give red packets. I don't remember my cousins who married before me gave me any red packets which means my aunts never forced them to do so. So it was just my mom forcing me. I am so glad that I eventually put my foot down. It was quite a lot of money!
@SunrayStar
2 ай бұрын
@@lebooshdiaries Thanks for your story; this was all so interesting to me. Wow, I was so surprised to hear that your mother never had to do this to the extreme extent that you did, so surely she must never have really understood what a burden on you it was, since she didn't experience that herself in the same way. I'm sure it's a lot different if you are only giving the packets to close relatives' children that you already know well, vs. giving away a whole lot of money to virtual strangers, AND that you are giving the packets to them only for a limited amount of time. Was your brother not expected to give back red packets also? And what about people who were supposed to give red packets away, but they did not earn much and could barely afford their own bills? I do wonder if all the other children that received packets from you all through those 15 years thought that "Aunt Sarah" was the most generous person ever, to keep giving these far and wide for so long, and thought of you so kindly. I say this because when I was very young, starting probably around 5 years old or a little older, there was an aunt of my father's who was very old and lived all the way across the whole country, who I never met a single time. She was a widow for a long time until she died. She would occasionally mail me a letter with some amount of cash like $10, for birthdays for sure, and she did this a number of times until I got to be a pre-teen. Since she never even met me, but she was thought of and spoken of very highly of by my father, who really thought a lot of her when he was a young boy, it seemed very generous of her to send me those cash gifts. I'm sure she did it because she was so fond of my father as a young boy. I always thought so kindly about her and really appreciated her and thought she was very special even though I never met her, and I wrote her a few letters back when she would send me letters with money. So you may really be thought of highly far and wide, haha. Anyway, you must have felt such a huge relief and lifting of a burden when you finally got it out into the open and addressed it. Good for you!
@lebooshdiaries
2 ай бұрын
@@SunrayStar Oh, my brother married much later than me. I have to give him red packet every Lunar New Year, which is terribly annoying. I don't know if he was forced to give red packets once he married. My mom's fav child is not me, let's just leave it as that. This money giving is a tradition, not a law. So if one doesn't want to give because they are struggling to get by, then they can choose to not give. Just have to be thick skinned a bit because sometimes people will give u a look because they won't know your financial background. This is the kinda look my mom did not want to get from relatives. She didn't want them to question and judge her for why her daughter did not give red packets - is she stingy, is she poor, is she not working, etc etc. It doesn't bring her honor. Fortunately, I was able to give but it was a burden - i could use the $ for something else or give to someone who needs it more. I know many adults who do not look forward to lunar new year because of this. Even the person who used to cut my hair lamented that it's no fun to give away money every year when cost of living is rising. Only children love it! Your story is heartwarming. It was so kind of her to send u letters and money. And u were nice to write to her back to thank her. $10 is a lot back then! I never got any thank you calls. I am sure they wondered, who is this person giving me money but hell yea, i love the money! I really don't know how my cousin's children look like. Some are not in the same country. When I was young, my mom would make me call each aunt/uncle who gave me the red packet to say thank u, if we were not able to travel back to the state where they live. Yes, i am glad i am not still paying every year!
@SunrayStar
2 ай бұрын
@@lebooshdiaries Well, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but heck it, I will anyway. Oftentimes it's very hard to get the correct meaning to come across when writing something vs. speaking to someone, so I hope the empathizing intent is plain to see. I have continued to think about this on and off all the time, and so finally I decided to tell husband the story about this whole red packet business and what you've been through with it. This was kind of unexpected, but he said it made him feel angry! FOR you, that is. He said that normally he would not have any emotion about something like this that happened to someone he didn't even know, but that since I like you so well, that made it different to him and so it made him feel really mad that you were treated that way. The unfairness of it. I guess he felt that the extent you were forced to be involved bordered on outrageous. Then he went on and said BUT it spoke really well of you and said a lot that you honored your mother by doing what she wanted anyway.
@lebooshdiaries
2 ай бұрын
@@SunrayStar Oh! YOur husband is very kind to get upset for me. Thank u, grateful!!! Tell him, it's ok because my mom never asked me for a portion of my salary every month. So when she asked me to give all these red packets, i didn't think too much (until after many years that is). I felt more of the burden after I left work and wasn't earning much as an artist and the resentment started to grow. But asian kids are raised up to be subservient to their parents. In the case of boomer parents, almost all children then were beaten into subservience. So we rarely say no. Growing up, if I had thrown any tantrum or talked back, it would be the cane or a big slap on my face. But it was normal growing up like this back then. My mom also had a tough life with my father. So when they part ways, we try our best to make her happy and do as she says. The thing about parents is, they always make you feel bad or guilty if you don't do as they say because they have sacrificed so much for you. This is one of the many reasons why i chose not to be a human parent so that this type of toxicity does not continue.
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