"As an adult you can't be abandoned" oh. My god. This was actually mindblowing to me
@bobman929
4 жыл бұрын
I finally got the courage to tell 3 of the 4 friends that I was so lonely and depressed I was going to kill myself. 1 told me to the doctor, 1 said they were too busy and the last onebcall the cops. None of them ever spoke to me again. No one came to see if I was all right. No one came to say "glad you didn't die last night". Not even a text message. You can absolutely be abandoned as an adult. And it's worse thing you can imagine.
@marilenat.1271
4 жыл бұрын
@@bobman929 oh, I'm so sorry to read that! What a terrible response from all 3 of those "friends".
@daniellamoreno3616
4 жыл бұрын
Im #2.
@mayafoxwitch
3 жыл бұрын
Yo, same.
@absent_cat1043
3 жыл бұрын
i feel like the phrase "as an adult you cant be abandoned" perhaps does not necessarily relate to being abandoned by people in general? maybe it's a metaphor for not being in your parents care or relying on them too much anymore? (meaning abandonment by parents isnt quite as big as a problem as an adult compared to being a child?) so basically a phrase to describe the transition to an adult from a child....because im seeing the other replies here, imma just say that i think this phrase was particularly for Anna by her therapist and maybe others with similar conditions, not necessarily for other people with conditions that are a bit different (which in this case, i think a doctor would advise/say something more in depth than this rather blunt phrase that could have different meanings depending on how the person perceived it.
@imasisara
5 жыл бұрын
My conversations: "Cute dress!" "Thanks! It has pockets!"
@naglismalisauskas1779
4 жыл бұрын
:o
@beanofconfusion9876
4 жыл бұрын
Pockets? Okay now I'm interested-
@TheAntFair
4 жыл бұрын
Dresses with pockets are the best! 😍
@UltromanTheTacoman
4 жыл бұрын
I need a woman who has pockets in her dresses...that sounds like heaven.
@sasha_bean
4 жыл бұрын
yes
@ATrueLoveOfficial
5 жыл бұрын
The fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment are relatable not only in relationships, but also with family and friends. That's life and it's up to us on how we handle it.
@Goteiii
4 жыл бұрын
Family, you can afford being clingy they won't really ever abandon you. You can also be more distant and keep them at arms reach if that's what you want to do. You can also keep your distance with your friends and they can easily set their own boundaries if you are being too clingy and you won't make much fuss about it cause they're just friends and you can have lots of those. But with romantic relationships, being too distant or too clingy doesn't work. Someone's going to get hurt if their attachment style doesn't match yours. If one person craves more connection than the other is willing to have, it doesn't work out.
@tamararabah9469
4 жыл бұрын
@@Goteiii family CAN abandon you , idk what picture perfect world you live in but a lot of people have been abandoned by their families and\or neglected by them
@susannaluterotti
3 жыл бұрын
"I desperately want love. But I'm afraid that loving means losing myself and my freedom"
@georgedunn320
3 жыл бұрын
Well, to some degree, that happens. In shrink-talk, you may hear the word "confluence." It recalls the mixing of two streams to form a river. One way to view that is that the greater river subsumes the lesser, which loses its individuality, becoming a mere "tributary." Another way, however, is to regard two roughly equal rivers as forming a third, new, and more impressive stream. Think Pittsburgh. Relationships can be like that; if one is the junior partner, there's a chance that one will suffer a subdued sense of identity. However, if both parties stay conscious of their personal needs, desires and conceits, regarding the relationship itself as an important, _but limited,_ part of their existence, they avoid this sort of dissolution.
@blazingdusk4046
5 жыл бұрын
My girl Anna saving my relationship... again.
@davidnl1579
5 жыл бұрын
🙄
@bhartleby5033
5 жыл бұрын
@@sonnymanta Well, Anna is reflecting and sharing thought prozesses and skills you learn in therapy that can be used in different ways. So it makes sense that someone who is not in therapy or is not at this point of therapy yet can make use of the things being presented. In my eyes it is a very resonable response, but I agree If problems in a relationship pile up one shouldn't rely on other peoples thoughts and assume therapy/help for themselfs If possible and needed. We are all kind to each other here ;)
@swifferwetjet6506
5 жыл бұрын
pumbisz get off your high horse honey, good advice is good advice
@TalesGrimm
5 жыл бұрын
Seeing the likes change from a bunch of 9s to 1k is soooo satisfying
@aaronjones3900
5 жыл бұрын
Attractive 1 smart 2 cool comedian 3 Anna Akana thaaaat 's her !
@melopepo
5 жыл бұрын
“As adults we can’t be abandoned and we can’t be trapped because we have power” 🤯🤯🤯
@danielledec4028
5 жыл бұрын
Asking for a sign, and this just might be it
@Ezencee
5 жыл бұрын
i feel this too hard
@christinelee2535
5 жыл бұрын
Literally me after every one of her videos
@Amy-uj2mw
5 жыл бұрын
lisafagerli sameeee lol
@anneginting2062
5 жыл бұрын
Girl. Same.
@ireallyreallyhategoogle
5 жыл бұрын
Gemini There's your sign.
@alenavocado
5 жыл бұрын
“I am now clingy and demanding cause i’m totally insecure about the natural space that’s evolved over time in our relationship and I’m gonna overreact to and o v e r th i n k *e v e r y t h i n g*” Does she HAVE ACCESS TO MY ACTUAL INNER THOUGHTS
@WorriorXD
3 жыл бұрын
@Amelia May sameeeee
@veronicaestigoy5780
5 жыл бұрын
Anna PLEASE post an ongoing list of the books you read!! You honestly feel like a human buddha of emotional intelligence
@Oceanlinx
5 жыл бұрын
I agree.
@hamdaalzary726
5 жыл бұрын
Agree
@raincid
5 жыл бұрын
Or better yet let's create a group on Goodreads.com connecting through books... yesssss....
@adrianazashen
5 жыл бұрын
@@raincid great idea 😻
@MeredithMynroseUniversalHealer
5 жыл бұрын
I agrreeee!!! Shes like more sharper in articulating the emotional sh*tstorm ppl go through
@misscurls101
5 жыл бұрын
when you started talking about Fear of Abandonment I was like "Haha! I'm safe from this callout once again! That's not me at all" and then Fear of Engulfment happened and I suddenly understood that moment when you feel like someone came directly for you and your lifestyle but for real thanks for the life advice this is actually super useful
@elza_jay
5 жыл бұрын
I love Anna's videos, they give me some solid topics to talk with my therapist
@yonathanasefaw9001
5 жыл бұрын
I love your profile name lol.
@elza_jay
5 жыл бұрын
@@yonathanasefaw9001 lol thanks
@yonathanasefaw9001
5 жыл бұрын
@@elza_jay No problem.
@zacharymorris8608
5 жыл бұрын
I just avoid romance because it means less time to spend with myself. Fear of loss of freedom and self identity used to be the issue, but now it is just me enjoying my own company more than the thought of spending time with an other.
@MsTuliplady
5 жыл бұрын
That's why I am a WGTOW! ;)
@LilPoopsie
5 жыл бұрын
Same
5 жыл бұрын
Gena Holden is it really “waking up” if you still want a relationship even after knowing it’s pushed by media? 😑
@xFlared
4 жыл бұрын
There's one thing not pursuing anyone or avoiding romance. And then there's a moment you randomly fall in love and feel helpless, even though you don't want relationships or friends. This happens a lot. And I believe us being hateful and ignoring our feelings to be with another we find fascinating are self destructing.
@SatumainenOlento
3 жыл бұрын
@@xFlared I agree. I found out that against all the odds I have fallen in love. Last time I was in a relationship was over 14 years ago. A bit of a shock.
@shachiiiiiii
5 жыл бұрын
YOU ARE SAVING MY LIFE, YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS BUT YOU ARE! ✨
@amenodorime5439
5 жыл бұрын
Wut
@UltromanTheTacoman
4 жыл бұрын
We need the story! Did it go well? What happened?
@HengHuiMei
5 жыл бұрын
can anna be my therapist
@smat_f
5 жыл бұрын
Same here I need her expertise
@davidsunni528
5 жыл бұрын
You changed my life, thank you anna
@SonicCloud7
5 жыл бұрын
"You can't be rejected because you value isn't dependent upon what other people think of you" - I needed to know this years ago lol. My inner child is at peace! - Thanks Anna
@jayg1316
5 жыл бұрын
OK the intro is the most accurate thing ever, I know I do that for a FACT
@trinitrojack
4 жыл бұрын
2:11 Love the cozy cat keeping you emotionally secure like a BOSS!!!
@ntr10me
5 жыл бұрын
Good grief, this was fantastically therapeutic. Anna has this knack for entertaining and healing all at the same time. Thank you for this.
@heaven-leejacobsen2022
5 жыл бұрын
Okay holy crap. I've struggled with an abandonment complex my whole life, which in turn has destroyed like all of my relationships and friendships, because not only was I severely bullied and constantly left out as a child, an entire half of my family literally and metaphorically abandoned me on the side of a road when I was 3. It's taken me some time to realise my toxic behaviours, but hearing this is kind of like an eye-opening slap to the face. As an adult I have control over what happens to me, and you're right, I can no longer be abandoned now. I've really appreciated your videos, you've really helped me start owning up to my own issues, and learn how to correctly face them. Thank you
@slurpeeeeee425
4 жыл бұрын
I love this girl, she knows so much. I’m amazed of how far you’ve come, and she proves that EVERYONE can change ❤️
@user-lw7ng1ep2u
5 жыл бұрын
Something about the colours and set ups of your videos makes me feel extremely comfortable & relaxed. It’s amazing
@Metruzanca
5 жыл бұрын
That thumbnail though. Adorable. Edit: that **WISDOM** was really damn good.
@erickgordon5195
3 жыл бұрын
If I ever met a women like who’s psychological aware, emotionally adept, smart, gorgeous and supportive like Anna Akana I’d never need anything else for the rest of my life! I love your videos 😂❤️
@jennyparkparrajp
5 жыл бұрын
Her timing to posting in relation to my life situations is SPOT ON.
@AstroMarta
5 жыл бұрын
I admire how well read and disciplined you are. You're the most amazing role model and you should know that you indeed are! I feel like your videos truly speak to those with anxiety and depression and I say that from experience. Thank you for existing and creating. Trust me, you're saving a lot of lives! Side nore, you basically have a degree in Psychology based on this, you'd pass everything easily. If I was running a University and was aware of your efforts, I'd acknowledge you with a proper degree.
@carolinehassun7175
5 жыл бұрын
please do a bit longer videos because i LOVE the topics you talk about so I would love if you could go more into detail with longer videos Love you Ana you are awesome girl!!!!!!
@dragonswordmountain2908
5 жыл бұрын
+Caroline Hassun Even better, long videos with the feel of a The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon interviews on serious topics. She does the comedy but with the serious psychology stuff, plus guests.
@ellier1250
4 жыл бұрын
It's probably more profitable to make shorter and more binge-able videos like these.
@vitali-opal-and-gem
4 жыл бұрын
She is spot on with everything except two things. Did not mention you must forgive the situations that we need to learn from and also some things may not be just from childhood but past lives as well
@Nessa0482000
5 жыл бұрын
I'm definitely fear of engulfment so when I meet someone with fear of abandonment, I freak out and run!
@mevellemartin6783
Жыл бұрын
same here
@zoltankotolacsi6892
5 жыл бұрын
This is why I love and share you videos all the time. Talking casually about kitchen psychology and philosophy, with your specific problem sprinkled in and just BAM, dropping a knowledge bomb on the end like it's the most casual thing in the world. Helping out confused people on the internet like a boss as always Anna. Please keep going, your channel is a godsend.
@AntheaPeter
5 жыл бұрын
I'm anxiously attached in relationships. Fear of abandonment definitely a thing. It's a struggle...
@zelenoye
5 жыл бұрын
This is just so simple but it's not obvious. We often forget about it and just simmer in our emotions. It is a great reminder that everything is really in your hands and there's nobody to blame, but you need to act and think like an adult.
@Lilylikecom
5 жыл бұрын
I needed this reminder today.
@miagrossi9904
5 жыл бұрын
Anna I don't know if you'll see this but I wanna say how meaningful and helpful your videos have been for me. My life has been kind of a mess the last few years but your videos have helped me grow and mature so much and given me tools to deal with all the crazy things in my life in a more healthy and productive way it it really means a lot to me. Thank you Anna!
@RachelIan
5 жыл бұрын
Can I just say, lately your make up has been looking so good! 😍
@SEEZEE
5 жыл бұрын
Anna is growing stronger by the days. Shes an unstoppable force!
@ApricotMallow
5 жыл бұрын
"Comfort the inner child in all of us" I love this. P.S. you're arms look good. Lift, brah?
@wowno.2269
5 жыл бұрын
I love how professional she talks.
@mayak.2926
5 жыл бұрын
I'm gonna watch it at home. Love you Anna, you've helped me so much. Hope you see this. Stay awesome. 💕
@katieneri7664
5 жыл бұрын
"As adults...you can't be rejected because your value isn't dependent on others' opinions of you." SPREAD THE WORD. Our society needs to hear this message.
@LashanR
5 жыл бұрын
Brand new thumbnail style WHAT? 😱
@angeliquec2422
5 жыл бұрын
School of Life-ish
@Emilieho
5 жыл бұрын
My therapist recommended the same book and I just finished reading it. I feel strangely connected with Anna, in a good way. It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in thinking that this book helped me a lot in my life recently.
@RachelAnnTaylor
5 жыл бұрын
That “wisdom” really helped me tonight, thanks Anna!
@dorit3153
3 жыл бұрын
I like this because it's a tough and painful subject but your bubbly personality and humor brings me out of my "blah" for a short time. Thank you.
@Danny-ln7ly
5 жыл бұрын
Her: that will be $175! Thank you uwu Me: *checks wallet and then bank account* Me: Do you take tears?
@sirered888
5 жыл бұрын
I've had a recent break up and it was short lived. It happened during the honeymoon period so when it all hit the wall, I felt like I got hit by a mental train to another reality because i couldn't believe it. I just wanted to say how great your videos were because this happened yesterday. I've never felt so bad then. Thanks for being awesome
@15.johnsonangel
5 жыл бұрын
*I AM AN ADULT!* Navigating emotional territory that ignites us. FUN!
@ivanovana-larisa8077
5 жыл бұрын
I searched online the book recommended by you and I am currently reading it. I must say, I am REALLY impressed by how it categorises people in such a realistic way. I mean, we all believe that we are different, we are unique, but, in fact, if we are to analyze every situation in particular, we discover that all these have things in common and the pieces of advice this book gives are actually applicable in real life. Thank you, Anna. Great book 👍
@misiaflejszman3664
5 жыл бұрын
Anna, I simply love your videos. Also, your hair looks so good today!
@General_Kenobi1
5 жыл бұрын
Anna. I am so glad i found your videos. They really help me set my head straight when i’m feeling worthless or depressed. Thank you for what you do
@snehaparanjpe5454
5 жыл бұрын
Iam recently facing problems in my relationships regarding insecurities....but You really motivate me..thankyou so much Anna.
@xxdreadsaintxx
5 жыл бұрын
I feel like your words are so beautiful. I hope that those in this world who need to hear this in their lives, have the opportunity to do so 💜
@BoMwarriorVlog
5 жыл бұрын
I've never had a girlfriend, yet how you speak an explain makes it so relatable. 😁💛
@marycaroline9808
5 жыл бұрын
anna...are you the other half of me cause everytime i cant explain myself, your videos made it sooo possible, relatable, and easier for me to say "YAS THATS TOTALLY ME!!" thanks anna :" great job delivering most of our feelings lol
@juliamartyr
5 жыл бұрын
The book Anna recommended is really good I’ve been listening to it before this vid 😂 SELF EVALUATION IS PART OF SELF CARE 💖
@-simplicity7551
Жыл бұрын
Ok this just changed my entire life, I already technically knew it but having it smack me in the face was very helpful thank you
@williamchamberlain2263
5 жыл бұрын
0:05 is, I think, tribal foraging strategy; someone who complements you is an ally, or a potential ally, so you share information on where _they_ can get the thing to 1) build your relationship 2) have more resources in the tribe. Also us-vs-them; by sharing a secret you form an in-group, and put everyone who doesn't know in the out-group. Also gossip theory; by sharing a true and valuable semi-secret you build the value of your word to them. Also conversation balance; they've given you something of value, so you give something back with an open topic.
@LOVE24677
4 жыл бұрын
Oh wow I’m crying, didn’t expect that 🌚. Thank you for those words, it truly comforted me 💛.
@vtr0104
5 жыл бұрын
I have none of these, but I do have "I'm likeable enough to get into a relationship but insufficiently equipped by nature to bring you physical satisfaction so I'd rather not start the relationship in the first place to avoid disappointing you in an extremely personal situation." K, thx, by.
@luckyxxxxk
5 жыл бұрын
vtr0104 after reading this now I feel attacked, thank you lol
@vtr0104
5 жыл бұрын
@@luckyxxxxk Sorry about that, buddy :( ...
@kthylupavid
5 жыл бұрын
Omg seriously just understood YEARS of my life in these 3 minutes!! :O Anna you are the best!!
@ainhunny9413
5 жыл бұрын
But why I am focus on your adorable kitty behind there 😂😂😂
@tunitoilolo539
5 жыл бұрын
THIS is the exact reason why i chose to study psychology. I always wondered why I was hard to love at times. Also, I knew since I was a child that certain parenting techniques/approaches were just so unhealthy for relationships in general. Seeing alot of your videos just makes me want to get to know more about you. TYSM for your content. Looking forward to more.
@Lena1997berry
5 жыл бұрын
Yaaasss!! Girl, you’re killing it! My friends and I now have a ritual to message each other when you come out with a new vid! It’s freakin great and so are you 💜💜
@easoteric
5 жыл бұрын
I dont understand how your videos are always so timely
@jamesmason7979
5 жыл бұрын
"Wisdom! That'll be $175 a month." 🤣🤣🤣
@pb5626
5 жыл бұрын
Lol ya. I rewound to see that after I saw something under Wisdom. Her humor style is classic.
@gord4555
4 жыл бұрын
Anna you are clearly very intelligent and have done a lot of work!! You express complicated dynamics in a very humorous and straightforward easily understandable manner!!! Amazing!!!
@gabrielladoucette4124
5 жыл бұрын
this was great! thank you! would you be able to share a list of the other books you've been reading this year?? :)
@galleryg998
5 жыл бұрын
Pause at .. 2:35 yeah right there, THAT is why Anna is amazing for known therapy helps, but also aware that is a financial burden, and thus showing her awareness of what she preaches - while doing it comedically, thank you Anna, you’re on my role model list (I mean you already were)
@opedromagico
5 жыл бұрын
Your videos are just incredible. Lets talk someday!!
@pardisarjmandi8889
4 жыл бұрын
The fact that this showed up on my feed and it’s what I’ve been thinking about is crazy 😍🥰🎄
@thebestian
5 жыл бұрын
Ah great, Anna reminding me why I'm terrible in relationships. THANK YOU SO MUCH IT"S GREAT I FEEL FINE.
@samar7151
5 жыл бұрын
Ian B 😭😭😂 fear of abandonment is my companion
@devinbelland4928
3 жыл бұрын
Youve got it girl. Disregard any attemps for suggestions, recommendations, orders, and any attemps of non provided behavial demonstrations that others might consider important for you to include of your perfection. Although the decision is yours. I hope you appreciate this entire post that is an uncostomary attempt with love.
@katerinacerna8555
5 жыл бұрын
I've recently started going to therapist, but I can't open about anything, I just have wiped mind and stare at her when she asks me "So what brings you here?"
@tonyvang1704
5 жыл бұрын
Just try to talk about something. Eventually the more you talk about something you will be more comfortable talking about anything. Takes time. 😉
@katerinacerna8555
5 жыл бұрын
@@tonyvang1704 Thanks. I definitely realize it's gonna take some time, but oh the awkward silence that lasts for minutes kills me. 😅
@MrBraddles3128
5 жыл бұрын
Eh, I’m not a fan of therapy. Why pay a stranger to talk to me when I can just talk to myself?
@katerinacerna8555
5 жыл бұрын
@@MrBraddles3128 If you can talk to yourself then you are lucky. All I can do is shout at myself and never ever forgive anything. The therapist is very helpful to me. 💗 Except for the fact that I'm awkward and introverted, so it takes a while for me to even tell her anything.
@FIVECOLORSTUDIO
5 жыл бұрын
Love this content. This is what I’m currently working on understanding and dealing with in my own life and having content like this more readily available by trusted sources is an amazing privilege
@tolkarius58
5 жыл бұрын
MONEY AND SELF-RESPECT
@arvindtaheam
5 жыл бұрын
This is advice is relatable in so many levels.
@brandonlee9887
5 жыл бұрын
My ex broke up with me because I cared to much. I never knew someone never wanted to be loved 🤷🏻♂️
@chucklefox
5 жыл бұрын
yes! learned about similar things in other videos & books. so basically, the anxious or avoidant types of attachment, with the third (and probably least common??) one being 'normal'.
@dianar6600
4 жыл бұрын
Person: “I love your shirt! It looks nice on you.” Me: “Ah thank you!” *looks at what they’re wearing* “I love your shoes!”
@MsPriya1993
4 жыл бұрын
'Attached' book was soooo much helpful and so mind blowing to read. Totally recommending it to everyone!
@guestuser3113
5 жыл бұрын
*WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU, MY INTERNET THERAPIST?!*
@siddhantjadhav7189
5 жыл бұрын
You’re just too cheerful,stay blessed
@shanonew
5 жыл бұрын
this is sooooooooo relatable like why are all of your videos struck the core of my life? 😂
@mashakalinkina7207
Жыл бұрын
Yep, have both.
@Ykhraam
5 жыл бұрын
"I've been reading a plethora of books" - do you have a Goodreads account? Asking for a friend
@lawrencefitzgerald4744
5 жыл бұрын
I respect and appreciate how open you are with your life and struggles. I believe such honesty is the only way we humans can truly understand and help one another. Wishing you find all the happiness, joy and love you're searching for. P.S. Love the $175 bit for the wisdom.
@jag519
5 жыл бұрын
I wasnt expecting price/where, I was thinking "thanks, it has pockets"
@arande3
5 жыл бұрын
Glad to see someone with influence like Anna is spreading good ideas. It's hard to to be both an influencer and smart for some reason
@The_Katsiaryna
5 жыл бұрын
"I am a therapist meow meow"
@fireflies15
5 жыл бұрын
The editing style is crazy entertaining. And I cant thank you enough for recommending the book. I've been looking for something just like that
@lilimasters2923
5 жыл бұрын
Your videos somehow always correspond with my problems haha
@HisEverMore
5 жыл бұрын
Spot on!! What we go through has a lot to do with what we “think” our future may turn out to be. But that’s not always the case, people can change & for the better too 🧡
@seansarto
5 жыл бұрын
I thought that book said “How We Attack”...I was wondering if you were into Sun Tzu now.....
@arcadiusfire5139
3 жыл бұрын
I love her videos. I actually do feel like they cure me.
@zerelada5973
5 жыл бұрын
Not normally this early... ummm okay well... *CLASSIC COMMENT ABT HOW CUTE ANNA IS*
@yuhansungscoffee
5 жыл бұрын
I love the passages you narrate at the end. I had overlooked it this entire time
@Holycryptonite47
5 жыл бұрын
I'm Sorry Anna I was listening until...... That cat caught my "eye"
@knorki5268
5 жыл бұрын
I don't know if this will ever reach you, but to know that even across the world there are people who feel the same as me, is kind of relieving. Ever since I got kicked out of high school because of depression and lost some friends, I had to fight with this enormous hate towards myself, I completely lost my confidence, and even though all these things you say make sense and sound logical, and I know they are true, I often find myself just not being able to trick me into believing them... Like my mind doesn't even try because it just knows that I'm trying to "trick" it, so it (or I) gives up because it (or I) thinks I'm not worth it... But I'm not gonna stop trying. Because I know I'm worth the effort, I know my potential and I have seen and felt life without all these doubts and the hate... I just have to believe... in me.
@zeruszephuros5419
5 жыл бұрын
Dang, I really want to know who your therapist is, I mean like he/she's the....great stuff!!!!
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