I have listened your discussion with Su, Shuen-Hui regarding setting a boundary in relationship. As a listener and observer I believe your main concern is setting a proper boundary between you as a mother and your beloved daughter. The purpose of this boundary is to avoid the struggle between you and your mother and to help your daughter grow well and avoid the natural compulsive involvement from your mother and smoothly your mother-daughter relationship. We all understand that the natural way for a women, young or old to find her own identity is through the connection with her parent. A women has a need to go back to her parent's home during the Chinese lunar New Year. It is our culture and beautiful tradition. This mother-daughter tight help a women grow well. As a wise women you noticed as a small girl that there are so many similarity between you and your mother. Going home to see your mother, enjoying a meal or even have a small , caring and heart warming talk become important in a women's life. And this is how a women grow through a connection with parent, especially mother. Next. I would like to share my idea on setting a mother and daughter boundary. Raising a daughter or a boy is something like flying a kite. To fly a kite high, you hold the string tightly in the beginning. You learn to loose your string decisively to let a kite fly higher. The sky is not always calm and wind is not always gentle and friendly. A good old hand knows how to adjust the string on her hand. The higher the sky, the higher the risk. Risk taking is essential to let the kite fly high. At the end, a mother needs to cut the string to allow a kite to fly as high as it wishes without attachment of a string. The attachment does not disappear, it is just become intangible. When a bond becomes strong , the string has to be broken. Just like birds fly with wind, they do not know the existence of the wind. Fishes swim without knowing the water. Boundary disappear in due course. The best boundary is no boundary Sincerely, Tom Cheng Edmonds, WA
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