I have to say that the „it’s only about attraction“ actually made it clear to me. If it’s only about sex I would have brushed it off and would have said „naaa… that’s not me“ (wasn’t ready at that point. I could handle the attraction thing but not the sex thing) The attraction thing was eye opening. I thought hot is just another word for good looking. Especially to learn that there is a difference between sexual attraction and Aesthetic attraction was 🤯 I DIDNT KNOW!
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
That’s why I think both are so important. Both give folks entryways into aceness and for a lot of folks both are really important!
@gillb9222
11 ай бұрын
Totally agree. I can understand aesthetic attraction and can see that someone looks attractive but that's it, it doesn't mean I want to date them or sleep with them. I thought that's what other people saw as attraction so I thought that that was what I was meant to feel too but I never did, I would want to date someone who was a nice person. I never felt spark and felt it was weird that other people did. I would never have said I was asexual though, I didn't understand what it was.
@theladyamalthea
11 ай бұрын
I agree, too! That was my experience.
@emmareiman64
11 ай бұрын
Yeah for sure! Never have I ever had desires for relationships/partners, but I sure as heck have said 'hey that looks nice' & 'you see this pic? the person here looks really nice'. It's been purely a thing like 'their hair is great' 'I love the colors here' 'that vest? perfect fit.' It's never been about wanting to do anything with the person in question or such like. Just a simple appreciation for the way something looks, and that's 110% fine!
@fabuloussloth8670
3 ай бұрын
I thought this too! I’ve only found people aesthetically attractive.
@maz.s
11 ай бұрын
I didn't ID as asexual for a long time because I had heard that "It's only about attraction!" thing. Like. I would experience something and tie myself in knots, asking "wait, was that sexual attraction? What if it was? Am I really ace?" But when I finally asked myself "Do I want to have sex?" The answer was an absolute NO. So that's when I was sure I was ace. I know that the way I figured it out doesn't serve some universal Definition of Aceness. But I think its a valid way to figure it out
@shohanwilks
11 ай бұрын
i get what you mean, because no one really grows up talking about how they actually feel when they’re sexually attracted to someone, how their mind and body reacts. I would try to date people while realising there was just 0 desire to ever be sexual and that’s confusing when you’ve convinced yourself you like someone
@thatonewitch
11 ай бұрын
@@shohanwilkssame here - I spent hours looking on Google how sexual attraction feels and I have a somewhat loose definition of it, but I also realized I have no desire for sex
@emilygruen-white7952
11 ай бұрын
I appreciate this video as someone who works in the mental health field. I think it's incredibly important to be cognizant of the language we use in general, but especially when we talk about marginalized and underrepresented communities. Thanks for bringing these up!
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
We can internalize and normalize so many messages that don’t affirm us, and they come out in the language we use
@SmokeyEdits
11 ай бұрын
i think of my asexuality like not enjoying roller coasters. it may not make complete sense but i've found that "i'm glad i got to ride the ride, but i'm choosing not to ride it again" is a really good way for me to articulate my feelings. i'm glad i got to have the experience, but not again thanks.
@SilverAceOfSpades
11 ай бұрын
I'm scared of roller coasters and find them gross so I'll never ride one but I like to crack jokes about them. (sex-repulsed virgin)
@SmokeyEdits
11 ай бұрын
@@SilverAceOfSpades fucking finally a fellow ace with boner jokes
@maxoweenie
11 ай бұрын
In a similar way, I'm very ambivalent towards "rides"! If my fiancee wants to go on the rollercoaster with me, I'll help her have fun. But I just don't care about rides myself. For me, it's never an active choice, just a "non" choice.
@christinapalafox
11 ай бұрын
I think of sex in the context of asexuality using the analogy of massage: I don't feel an overwhelming urge to massage people regularly, but I enjoy massaging my partner because it makes me feel good to make them feel good. Massaging my partner doesn't do anything for me in and of itself, but the closeness and the intimacy of the act is wonderful. Massage can feel fantastic, even though I don't have the inherent urge to have anyone massage me. That analogy helps me explain having sex as an asexual individual.
@clairbear1234
7 ай бұрын
This is how I feel. Thank you. I was with someone I was interested in last night and I realized it really came down to- I don’t feel an overwhelming urge that would compel me to take this any further but if it went further it would probably feel nice to be close
@MaxwellTrias
11 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this! I always have a hard time describing what asexuality is to other people, because for me it means: everything else! Great friendships, co-parenting, reading books, going on hikes, programming computers, learning physics, cooking, watching movies, etc. It's my entire life! I don't define myself by the fact that I don't enjoy underwater basket weaving. But if the prevailing culture all but required a passion for it, then yes, a community of people who didn't would be helpful. So for me asexuality is less an identity and more a community where I can get support if I'm feeling particularly at odds with the world about compulsory underwater basket weaving ;-)
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
I really love this approach. It’s affirming and community-minded. Wonderful.
@M-Blue-M
11 ай бұрын
" I don't define myself by the fact that I don't enjoy underwater basket weaving." that's so funny, yet so helpful to explaining asexuality. I will definitely remember that for next time xD
@MykiiMescal
11 ай бұрын
being demisexual is funny because people think i’m too horny to be ace but then shit on me for not wanting to do hookups and whatnot
@EmilyEverglot
11 ай бұрын
My youngest son(28) is asexual and aromatic. He and so we have always described asexuality as a spectrum that can range from not having sexual desire for others, and/or for not satisfying self or maybe only satisfying self but not sexual attraction to others. Some may have romantic attraction some may not have romantic attraction. In that romantic attraction that can be a spectrum of it's own. Like you said, polyamerous, bi, straight, ect Whether you're ACE or any of the LGBTQTIA don't apologize for who you are!
@grenade8572
11 ай бұрын
You're a great parent. I'm barely older than tour son (33yo) but will never dare to come out to my parents (as ace and maybe aro)...
@EmilyEverglot
11 ай бұрын
@@grenade8572 Oh, no I'm just a regular parent. I'm honored my son feels comfortable enough to be who he is around me. You are an amazing human being. Those you choose to share your authentic self with are the ones that are privileged.
@AidenHarteWrites
11 ай бұрын
I only recently come to terms with the fact that I’m probably on the ace spectrum. This realization is bringing me so much comfort and joy, even more so than when I came to terms with being biromantic or genderfluid. After years of doing things I didn’t really want to because I wanted to be normal and to please the people I loved, it’s so nice to finally understand what I want in a relationship.
@MightyCows3000
11 ай бұрын
I think i might have said this before. But until now. As an asexual i have never thought about how good it feels to be told these things. Thank you yet again for just making people feel comfortable and normal for "lacking" sexual desire. I will stop using that word from now aswell 😊.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
You’re very welcome. I’m glad you’re here!
@isabelhasse773
11 ай бұрын
I really like the point about how asexuality is not only about attraction and that the choice about how/whether to have sex is an important part of the ace experience. My choice to not have sex as a sex-averse asexual was a crucial part of coming to accept myself and reject allonormativity, and I think it is the way in which my asexuality has made me feel most marginalized and shamed in the past (I know this is not everyone’e experience of course). Thank you for a lovely video!
@ghostoftheashplant1471
11 ай бұрын
I think people started saying "it's about attraction not behavior" because, early on when the ace community was really starting to define ourselves, there was such emphasis put on the experiences of celibate, sex repulsed aces that anyone who had sex or engaged with kink were often told that they weren't ace. Focusing on attraction rather than behavior was intended to make the community more inclusive. If someone's behavior appeared no different from the outside than the "average allo person" their experience would still be valid as an ace person as long as they experienced limited sexual attraction. However, the emphasis on attraction over behavior did end up being exclusionary in it's own way as well. People who experienced higher levels of sexual attraction but were, for example, sex repulsed were now excluded by definition despite having experiences aligning with many in the community. Maybe the issue is with trying to define aceness as if it's a diagnosis; if you are this, this, and this then congratulations you're asexual. Maybe it should be a more experiential; if someone's experience aligns with those of us in the ace community then they are ace. My only concern with that is if people start trying to decide whose ace experience is "valid" and whose is "invalid."
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
I’m with you all the way. And have been, in talks and trainings, defining aceness differently. I’ve been opting for “a coalition of connecting experiences around sexual attraction and sex that do not adhere to cultural norms around sexual attraction and sex.” It’s more wordy but it speaks to more of the diversity of our experience.
@ghostoftheashplant1471
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice Oh I like that a lot! Especially the "coalition of connecting experiences" part. I agree, I think it really speaks to the fact that while we all have similar experiences there is no singular ace experience. Thanks for sharing!
@vanetyd
11 ай бұрын
i struggle to understand how someone that doesn't like/want sex or is sex repulsed can feel sexual attraction. wouldn't it be just a strong attraction?
@ghostoftheashplant1471
11 ай бұрын
@@vanetyd It's not my experience so I can't really explain it to you. I do know it's something that some people experience though because I had a partner who felt sexual attraction towards women but was also sex repulsed and really didn't enjoy the physical act.
@syraasch
11 ай бұрын
@@vanetydI consider myself allosexual but sex repulsed (but I can see how someone who experiences what I do may find asexual as a label useful) I experience an attraction that feels to me like sexual attraction and it feels different to when I am experiencing strong attractions other than sexual attraction (e.g. aesthetic or sensual attraction) but I find the idea of me participating in a sexual act feels wrong to me.
@cma.ksiezycowa
11 ай бұрын
The last point hits hard. I'm trying to stop being and feeling sorry for being ace but it's hard. But i agree it's a necessary journey to go through, just a long one i guess
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Absolutely. And I still stumble on this one. We all do. As long as we are giving ourselves space and grace to make mistakes, we can work to remove apology from our vocabulary.
@jdsmith8282
11 ай бұрын
Immediately subscribed. I’m asexual and I’ve never seen anyone on KZitem dedicating a channel to asexual awareness and I’m so glad to have found your channel!
@entiresunset
11 ай бұрын
Language shapes reality. It is so important how we talk about ourselves and our identity and the identity of others. Thanks so much for this video!
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Absolutely!!
@terryparker9237
11 ай бұрын
I was unsure of my asexuality because of the "lack of" wording. I just found orchid sexual.I experience the attraction but I don't desire sex with anyone.It's definitely not demi, and is closer to fray.
@TheBobobo2
11 ай бұрын
Cody this is so incredibly eloquent and helpful. You are world-changing.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
I’m glad it’s helpful! I’m still walking these paths myself. :) I’m glad you’re here
@ranairby9697
11 ай бұрын
I second this
@softfirecrow
11 ай бұрын
It's true! Another changed world here🙌
@juliegolick
11 ай бұрын
Stop saying "I'm sorry"?! [gasps in Canadian]
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
This made me laugh out loud. :)
@apet6752
11 ай бұрын
good to watch as an ally (im bi) and find that i actually had a pretty good understanding of the language that's okay to use about aceness 💟 always like to still keep an eye on other people's experiences and listen to gain new updates to my own speech-patterns though 😁👍 new subbie c:
@Orech-the-Nut
9 ай бұрын
Cody, I struggle with PTSD for eight years and you literarilly helped me to untangle the exact cause and beginning of the trauma by these videos. Thank you 🙏 I would like you to know your work has made difference for me. Yaaaaaaay! 🎈🎉🥳
@AceDadAdvice
7 ай бұрын
This means the world to me. I’m glad you’re here.
@Orech-the-Nut
7 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice 💜
@BeauMeztli
11 ай бұрын
I really really like the definition in Refusing Compulsory Sexuality. It doesn't Center on that lack either
@spacenoodle8207
11 ай бұрын
Oh my glob, I apologize so often. I'm aroace and I'm always so afraid someone will ask me out or say they like me. That's genuinely one of my biggest fears when making friends. I feel like I'm selfish if they want to have a relationship with me, and I don't, and It's not like I'm already taken, and It's not like I care about these things, but I can't just say "yes", because I don't like them that way, so that would be a lie, and also what if someone else asks me out? I can't make them all happy, I'm not sure I can make even one of them happy. I know I don't have any other choice, but every time I feel like I'm a selfish person and they will probably be sad because of me. A few days ago my friend asked me if I have a boyfriend. I told him I'm aroace. I couldn't sleep all night after that, I was thinking maybe he's fine and doesn't care too much, but there is a chance that I made him suffer. Why are people like this, why is anyone sexually or romantically attracted to me, please stop T_T
@gbarrera5847
11 ай бұрын
THANK YOU for this perspective shift. I have to watch this again (and again) for a while. But I love that this part of my ace journey is now about thinking of my language more as a tool to educate the outside world, as well as myself. I’ve spent so much time using language to figuring myself out, and now I’m feeling ready to actively, outwardly live in that more.
@alphaspace1100
11 ай бұрын
Very nice video! I think it's very important to remove any negative language from the way we talk about asexuality, since it not only helps us live a healthy and happy life but it also makes easier for others to accept asexuality as valid. Some of the language that is used sometimes is already suggesting that asexuality is a negative thing, so we don't really have to wonder why some have an inaccurate perception of asexuality. one question tho: could you add timestamps to the video? I've seen you added them in the description, but I think this might not be the most elegant way. (not that I personally need them).
@lilylegacy-zierer7397
11 ай бұрын
I needed to hear everything in this video but especially stopping the constant apologies for being ace… I only learned what asexuality was in my late 30’s and accepted that I am ace in my 40’s. I still have a ways to go to fully accept myself and often still revert to thoughts of being broken or less than a “normal” or allo person. There is still shame and guilt and I love your message because I don’t want anyone to feel what I felt since I first tried to not be ace (even if I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing at the time) I appreciate this channel and am glad it popped onto my feed. It’s helping me with not only self acceptance, but giving me better language to communicate with others about asexuality. I hope you know you’re doing good work here and helping people with your compassionate and informative approach to discussing aspec, aro, and agender issues. Thank you 🙏
@mylife-23
11 ай бұрын
- I don't rly see " the lack of " as a negative. - I've explained attraction vs action but in more context. - " even thou " i understand that one but depends on context like, " yeah well geuss what even thou im ace i can still.... (Insert things here) " - 100% dont apologize for being ace. There's nothing to apologize for i agree on this.
@KidKit
11 ай бұрын
I've been watching your content since I found out I was Ace a few years ago and they've really helped me with how I interact with my asexuality. When I first watched them I literally starting crying because no one in my life ever told me it was okay to not experience that attraction or not want sex. It's helped me live a better ace life. For me, sex does feel like it plays a role in my asexuality, like it's intertwined, because I defintely don't view others sexually and I've never wanted to have sex with someone. And having asexuality there for me to use to explain that experience makes me happy. It was one of the ways I knew I was asexual and it made me relieved that there was a word for it and a community that also shares similar experiences!
@aff77141
11 ай бұрын
So glad to hear someone say these things. As someone who has always rejected the idea of normality and realized I was ace pretty young, I never liked it when people talked like that about their asexuality. Why compare my experiences with that of allo people when it's completely different? Why should that be the baseline of communication?
@grenade8572
11 ай бұрын
Very useful video! I had already internalized the negative vocabulary "even though" I know I'm ace for only a few monthes...
@SalemElectro7
11 ай бұрын
Another amazing video. You are a lovely human and I love how genuine, compassionate and willing to share your journey you are. You are such a great teacher in how you impart this information. I’ve learned so much more about my personal space I occupy under the ace umbrella from your videos. I’m a lesbian and super proud of that, but I didn’t realize how much my aceness has affected my life in many ways. It’s really nice to be able to understand that one little piece of my experience I couldn’t quite get to before. Thanks for sharing! 😊
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for this very kind comment. I appreciate it and you very much!
@Furriner
11 ай бұрын
One of the things that keeps me "in the closet" per se as asexual is that, were I to tell someone I was asexual, nine times out of ten that person would just assume I was neurotic and in need of therapy to get over it. I like that you want to get rid of the apologetic terminology, which kind of feeds into that way of thinking.
@aarondubourg3706
11 ай бұрын
I've added "Asexuality is defined as..." cus I believe it's important to know that "it's just about the attraction" but there's also better ways to word it. And also I talk about Asexuality as a demographic and th Asexual community as two different things. One can be part of the demographic without being part of the community, and one can be part of the community without being part of the demographic.
@raccoon_bones
11 ай бұрын
wow, this was amazing. it’s so needed to have someone that speaks to specific negative patterns and ways to change for the better in the community, not just repeating the same ace class 101. the idea of keeping sex relevant to ace experiences was so interesting, if i had heard more language like that i think i would’ve recognized my asexuality sooner. i love the point of not using language to describe oneself as an obstacle, that can be applied to other parts of my life so thank you for that. keep up the good thinking :D
@corpsinhere
11 ай бұрын
A technical criticism (the content was excellent)! The voice volume was a bit low, and the thump noise when introducing a new point was quite loud - I was v startled :(
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
I'm trying to get the right balances. In my headphones, things sound pretty balanced and not too jump-scary. lol I'll work on it.
@OverEverything438
11 ай бұрын
First video, I've watched of yours and instantly loved it. Subscribed within minutes of watching said video. I'm new in both diving into the ace community on social media and realising I'm ace-- probably aro but that's a whole other journey-- and this was enlightening and an educational take. Thank you.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Awesome! Thank you! And I’m glad you’re here.
@michellesamain
11 ай бұрын
An excellent video. For me the point that really hit home was that I’m othered because of the choices I make relating to sex and relationships. That my long-term celibacy, and single status, are the expressions of my ace and aro-ness that is visible to others. While that should be obvious it is easy to get caught up in the not experiencing attractions thing. Since I’m not really out (older age discovery) most of my conversations are online where I can think about my language longer. I will try to be more mindful now.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
I still struggle with some of these. It’s an ongoing process of standing up for ourselves.
@Aster-v8j
11 ай бұрын
This is the best video yet. Savied for later
@vaughnhaney7020
11 ай бұрын
Ironically, I think it'd help ace people if society was more open about sexuality in general. Not just labels, but the experience. I spent YEARS wrestling with myself over whether I'm ace. Frankly, trying to force myself to be ace, because it felt like ideal human was ace. Surely the best way to handle a topic that's so taboo is to be one of the people who just doesn't want to interact at all, right? If there's so much shame around this, I must only be a good person if I'm separate from it, just like how I'm a good person for not partaking in crimes or being rude- other things that cause shame. It doesn't help that I couldn't tell types of attraction apart for the longest time because I had such a twisted view on relationships and how people are "supposed to" behave. Oh, I want to hug my best friend? I must be in love with her. Then on the other side- I don't want to have sex with total strangers for safety reasons? That means I don't experience sexual attraction. People either don't acknowledge sexual attraction at all, or make it out to be this huge all encompassing thing. It's not always. And it's also not always obvious. It's not like my mind is suddenly filled with vivid fantasies of doing explicit things with people I'm attracted to, which is how it was always portrayed to me. It's not like I can't ignore it, either. It's not some irresistible force where I feel like I'll die if I don't act on it. Because I didn't have this dramatic reaction like it was portrayed to me, I thought surely I must be ace (then punished myself any time I had a feeling or thought that just might go against that) Turns out, I'm completely allo. I am gay though, but that was much easier to figure out. I'm also VOLUNTARILY celibate, not for religious reasons or anything (im an atheist) but because I still don't want to have sex. Yes you can be allo and not want to have sex. In my case, it's like... An interest in parkour (which I actually do have). I find it fascinating and in theory I'd love to do it someday, I feel impulses to parkour when I see the right environment, but I'm too scared of making a fool of myself or getting injured. I can recognize an area I'd LOVE to parkour in, but I choose to pass it by because I'm lacking confidence and don't feel safe. So yeah basically overall I think people should be more open about sexuality regardless of where they lie.
@lys8779
11 ай бұрын
I find your comment really relatable as someone who's started questioning whether I'm acespec this year. The way both allo and ace communities define and explain sexual attraction is a source of frustration for me as I try to examine myself in relation to those explanations and just ending up more confused and questioning whether anyone even knows what anything means. Am I acespec, or am I like you also a voluntarily and happily celibate but theoreticallly interested allo, I may never know.
@vaughnhaney7020
11 ай бұрын
@@lys8779 Honestly, you be you. Do or don't have sex, either way it's your body and up to you (so long as the other person's consenting too if you do of course). Sometimes labels are more trouble than they're worth. If you want one for your own peace of mind, that's entirely valid, but ultimately people don't fit into neat little boxes and you don't owe anyone a label yknow? Until you figure it out try not to stress about it. And it's also okay to go unlabelled. Whatever makes you feel comfortable with yourself, essentially. I ended up deciding I'm allo because I do think that one day I probably do want a sexual relationship with someone, even though I'm fine without one for now. Ultimately, I decided my label based more on what I want than what I currently experience, which I'm often told is incorrect, but it brought me peace of mind so I figure what I label myself is my business. I still don't think my sexual attraction is necessarily the same as most allo people, it's just so much milder than is portrayed in media (I compared it to parkour rather than something like food- as people often do- because it just doesn't feel that visceral or vital to me. I also have a degree of control over it tbh), but that's fine. I'm rambling cos I'm super sleepy right now, sorry. I hope that made some sense, and that wherever your questioning leads, you end up feeling confident and happy in your identity
@lys8779
11 ай бұрын
@@vaughnhaney7020 I really appreciate your reply, thank you for that 💜
@Toni-lo9ms
11 ай бұрын
I'm demi-sexual, demi-romantic and recently realized I'm ambi-amorous (that's one who could be content with monogamy but also can be with polyamory.) I've always felt the need to explain in great detail that I can feel (attraction x or y) under the right conditions but some don't when talking about my identity. Then I'd go into complex explanations about how aces can do what we want AND be ace even if not attracted in a particular way for other reasons because so many do take from the language a "lack" of something or some restriction that doesn't exist. It's a lot sometimes. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and candor, I really do.
@Ikine557
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for introducing me to the concept of ambi-amorous. I have never seen a word and said "that's me" so fast.
@cmmosher8035
11 ай бұрын
Not an ace person but i have friends who are. These are good things to keep in mind with the language i use. Thanks for the food for thought.
@spacecat8511
11 ай бұрын
The “even though I’m ace” is one I’m definitely guilty of. Ie, “I experience romantic attraction sometimes even though I’m ace.” And…this is honestly internalized to the point that I…just don’t want to even bother to try to date. Now, granted. I’m demiromantic, and dating conventions might as well give me hives and a panic attack. I also don’t want to kiss-ever-no matter how much I love someone romantically on the Very Rare Occasion I actually do. Like…I think I gave someone I Actually DO Like Very Much the impression that…if they’ve heard of Asexuality At ALL…that I’m THAT DragonCardAroAce Stereotype. While reassuring them that I really didn’t care they just wanted to be friends and friends was all I’ve ever been after, anyway. (Look. People butting in despite us both saying NO for our own very different reasons to that was quite literally giving us anxiety. But I think I screwed it up and shut them down for a But Maybe Later Date. Ugh. Guess time’ll tell. In the meantime I gotta work on my internalized aphobia anyway so.)
@CorwinFound
11 ай бұрын
Appreciate this content as a parent of a potentially ace 15 year old. When discussing this potential with other parents there is always an, "Oh no! But he's probably just a late bloomer. So don't worry.... yet." I've even been accused of wanting him to be ace and trying to make him that way because we've talked about it in positive ways. It hits me as so bizarre. If he was gay and I was accepting, I'm a good parent. But accepting of ace-ness is somehow deviant or pushing him to be ace. So anyways, I appreciate the ace-positive content.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Love hearing some ace-affirming parenting going on! I’d love to hear some tips you have on being an ace-affirming parent!
@CorwinFound
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice The big one was before I even considered the idea that he might be ace. As soon as he was old enough, probably around 5, different sexual orientations were discussed - bi, straight, gay and ace. (I know that ace doesn't preclude the others but I simplified for a young brain.) Since he had the terminology and the idea that it was just another way of being, it let us talk about it pretty casually and openly when it came up for him personally a few years ago. Right now he's very anti-label about it, so I'm not using the term asexual much. More sweeping statements like, "If you end up being into men, women, NB's, any, all or none..." I'm trans and bi and at least a bit politically active. He's said that he doesn't want to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community and I haven't pushed back on that at all. I think part of that is typical "not like my parents" 15 year old stuff and the other that at least for him right now, if he is asexual, it's very much an opt out thing. And claiming the queer community can be very much an opt-in thing, especially at his age, the exact opposite of his current inclination. I'm also avoiding typical parent stuff like talking about a future family, partners, grandchildren etc. It's crazy how much of that is baked into usual parenting language. If it ever does come up, I try hard to frame it as "if" rather than an assumption. And of course it is possible that he's a late bloomer or demi-sexual type orientation that doesn't remove the possibility of sex, attraction, relationships etc. In my own head I'm working hard to make as few assumptions as possible and just be open to however it turns out.
@annaairahala9462
11 ай бұрын
Wow this is really nice. I definitely have used a couple of these without ever realizing the potential issues behind using such language
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful!
@MireyaRivera
11 ай бұрын
I don't know what I watched recently that resulted in the KZitem algorithm suggesting your video, but I'm so glad it did. Thank you for such beautiful messages in this video.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching! And I'm glad you're here.
@nat9504
11 ай бұрын
That last one hit me like a sack of bricks. It's something my (allo) boyfriend has been working towards helping me with - not treating myself as something to be apologized for, but as someone deserving of respect and kindness.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
You absolutely do deserve to be yourself unapologetically.
@cecile436
11 ай бұрын
I am ace, and demiromantic, and polyamorous. And I feel like now that I know that about me, I'll be single for the rest of my life, because it's already not easy to find someone who's ok with one of these things, so all three together??? Also, realising I'm demiromantic makes me feel even more anxious when a guy shows interest (because it's always guys, I never had a girl hitting on me). Although I could like flirting a bit and all, I'm so used to people telling me after 2 weeks that they're in love with me, I always panic and break up at that moment. Only once did I let it go (he was drunk when he said that to me, we were about to sleep, I didn't answer and convinced myself it was only the alcohol talking. It's only a few months later, when we really got to know each other, that I started developing feelings. So now that I understand my way of experiencing these things is very different than most people, I feel like just getting along with flirting, dating, ... and only after a few months being able to tell if I have feelings or not, it's leading the other on. So I freak out and don't do that anymore. At all.
@bbygorla6713
11 ай бұрын
This is such a helpful reframe 🙏
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Thank you. Glad you’re here!
@MattRumm
11 ай бұрын
When I acknowledged my asexuality, I was very sex positive. But as I think about all the times I had sex before that, I realise that I was always trying to get something from it. At the basic end of the spectrum, I might have wanted the social benefits that being with a pretty woman would give me. And at the darker, more complex end of the spectrum, I was engaging in relationships and sexual behaviours because, at its root, I thought sex and relationships were a path out of depression and towards a stable form of happiness. When Alladin sang, "A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view"... well, I would have traded literally anything for a new fantastic point of view. And now, as I look back over my sexual experiences (I was a hippy with a van), I have become more and more sex negative. I feel like every sexual experience I had was a transaction for happiness. And not even a successful transaction, because any happiness I got was superficial and based on achieving social status. I hope I become sex positive again, because I'd like my memories of sexual experiences to be enjoyable. Anyway, it's great to find a relatable vlog. And hey, I think it's great that the ACE community is the only one in which it is completely acceptable to get advice about your experience of your own sexuallity from a guy with grey hair and big dad glasses, and it doesn't even approach feeling awkward 😂 more power to you, ACE Dad!
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Ha I’m glad you’re here
@BeauMeztli
11 ай бұрын
For what I gather in your comment, you are using sex positive (attitudes towards sex in general, sex Ed, sex freedom for the general population) instead of sex favorable (that is how you feel about sex for yourself) and sex negative (thinking of sex, in general, for yourself and others as something baf, sinful, something that should be controlled under strict regulations) instead of sex averse/repulsed (whether you wanna do it yourself)
@Krranski
11 ай бұрын
I always love hearing your work, thank you for what you do. Thank you for helping me better understand and communicate myself and my feelings and needs.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
You are so welcome. I’m glad you’re here.
@fireyjon
11 ай бұрын
I must admit I am guilty of all of these things, but I will take your comments into consideration and attempt to change my own speech as well. Mainly you make really good points about how the words we say can have an unintended impact on how others view being ace.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
We can always be more thoughtful about the language we use and what it tells us and others about us.
@mariegracebrabandt8028
11 ай бұрын
Cody, thank you for all you do, and this video is awesome!! Thanks 🎉🎉🎉
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Thank you so much friend!
@katemcbride8715
11 ай бұрын
I came to understand my closeness to ace later in my life. It was freeing. I have spent years trying to be the same as the people around me. Expectations for future relationships and home/family normatives. Realising I didn't want to share my home or body was something I saw as selfishness. When I first heard non binary and it was explained to me I felt released to be. People had been defining me as gay with occasional insistence. I'm not gay as I have never imagined or fantasized about sex with a female. Sex with a male interests me only in fiction. I have had sex but prefer toys and usually only for relaxation. Having terms and reference points allows me to feel able to talk with people in conversational settings without needing to excuse my differences, for example I identify as female but not as a woman and there is no other reason than it doesn't feel like I'm a woman. This makes the ridiculous transgender bashing question "what is a woman?" funny. A woman is someone who feels that they are a woman and vice versa. Have you ever sat and looked back at your life and how you feel inside yourself? At some point you realise that the mental/spiritual self is separate and has no age attached. There is knowing that the body is aging but the self is independent of that. That self can therefore feel as anything regardless of the body. I often talk to people I interact with as a nurse about this because when the body is a vehicle for the person, it is easier to deal with injury or illness because the self is not what has been damaged. Damage to the brain is hard for people because it interferes with the self communicating. Anyway that's enough of thet.
@Momma_Stina
11 ай бұрын
How do you find other ace people as a divorced older mother? I played the game, badly, and tried to be 'normal' and hated every moment of it now here I am trying to find out how to exist in this world as someone who shouldn't and doesn't exist in any conversations or spaces or parts of life. I .. don't even know where to begin with this. I know I am going to sit down and watch ALL of your videos though.... first time I haven't felt bad about the way I am in my entire life.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
It’s tough to find ace-affirming spaces to connect with folks anywhere. Our in-person community isn’t as developed as our online one. A good place to start is with your local LGBTQ center. Maybe there’s a mixer or a social hour to connect where ace folks might be. Or the folks there might know where Ace meetup groups are.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
And I appreciate your kind words. And you deserve to feel good about who you are. Because you’re awesome. I’m glad you’re here.
@erichamilton3373
11 ай бұрын
So if I understand what Ace is it's a community. How much you want or don't want sex is not an issue.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Asexuality is about experiencing sexual attraction and sex in ways that go against cultural expectations and norms. And a unifying feature is experiencing little or no sexual attraction.
@SkyeID
11 ай бұрын
I don't wanna say allosexual ever again, because I think it's a clunky word to say, and it automatically reminds me of the aloe vera gel I put in my hair. I say "zedsexual" instead. It makes sense to me because the first letter of the english alphabet is A and the last letter is Zed. Not sure if zedsexual is gonna take off the way allosexual did...
@orangesnowflake3769
11 ай бұрын
I really like changing the way we talk about aceness in like, I have a partner and im ace, I am polyamorous and ace
@largoalquacktotum5232
11 ай бұрын
Very interesting and illuminating as always!
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Glad you think so!
@mayranush
11 ай бұрын
as conversations about ace experiences transform inside of me, I feel a need to also question the label itself that I feel like puts "sexual" as default and is being described as lack of the default, so I guess this is a call for new ways of thinking and naming this experience
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Yeah that’s one fight we won’t win because I think we are stuck with the label lol I agree though. That’s why I think it’s important for us to talk about what it means in broader, different ways
@laylascarlett2010
9 ай бұрын
Thanks for the video
@AceDadAdvice
7 ай бұрын
You bet
@Paradigm-Shift208
15 күн бұрын
My main problem with the definition of ace being 'lack of...' is that it erases a substantial part of the community. Asexual means *little* to absent attraction. Saying 'ace is the lack of sexual attraction' erases demis, grays, frays, etc. I think the best definition is 'someone with little to no sexual attraction.'. That's just a personal opinion though.
@thekarret2066
11 ай бұрын
I was never an apologetic ace. xD Before I realized asexuality was a thing, I thought something went wrong with everyone else, so I guess if I was sorry for anything, it'd be thinking that and not realizing I was just ace. Even now, I just crack jokes that turn it around on all sexual folks, how I see them as the weirdos. It seems to go over well.
@Meccarox
11 ай бұрын
I appreciate these points.
@elizayoung3362
11 ай бұрын
Thanks for another great vid! I hadn't considered some of these things before 💜☺
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
You're so welcome!
@jecicox7605
11 ай бұрын
This advice goes well for other things as well. Thank you. It will help when I talk about myself around allosexuals AND allistics.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful!
@bryce_griggs
11 ай бұрын
beautiful video. thank you for making this.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for being here.
@lprosser5841
11 ай бұрын
Very helpful, thank you 💜
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful!
@_em.
11 ай бұрын
I really dont agree with the point about lack. Because i just see it as "not being there". Not that there's an absence of something that SHOULD be there. I see why you think that though. I'll stick with my definition. I really disagree with the idea that separating attraction from behaviour is harmful in any way shape or form. What needs to happen is education based on these things needs to be more readily available. Easier typed than done, but thats the only thing that would make people less confused. I somewhat get your point about behaviour and how that is perceived by society and other people is important. I really do. But here's the thing: when you tie behaviour into what defines aceness, you are literally telling the people (who are already in the majority) that believe ace = sex repulsion or dislike of or incapability of having sex that their belief is TRUE. That's what you achieve by doing that. I get that you might not see that, but it is what's happening. I DO agree that ace people are othered because of their relationship to sex (i have always held the belief that it is similar to the oppression same gender sexual/romantic relations are treated) and that whoooole point that i dont want to type out but everything you said there is absolutely 100% true. I know my ace experience is unique. I know that not every ace person can identify with what i find relatable and thats okay. Most wouldn't. But people try to take their unique experience and make that universal, and when ace people do this it USUALLY revolves around not liking sex somehow. Not liking sex or being negative towards it will NEVER (i am just using caps for emphasis but am not in any way trying to be aggresive) be a universal ace experience. And when people tie behaviour to the definition, people INEVITABLY do this. Regardless of intent, because i dont think you intend for that to occur. I am NEVER saying that ace people who have aversion to sexual things are not ace when i am saying that asexuality is not based on behaviour. But when people insinuate that not liking or having aversion to or being neutral towards sex EQUALS asexuality they ARE excluding aces who are favourable towards it. Without even mentioning them. Nobody would be like "oh okay i get what being ace is now" if i said "im ace and i like sex" But the opposite is okay? So. If an ace sex favourable human being CAN exist and no one is contesting that, WHY can some sex repulsed aces say things like (some variation of) "not wanting to have sex encapsulates the ace experience". That liking cake more than sex is an "indicator" that you may be asexual. That any story about their relationship to sex is somethng that people should look to to see if they too may be ace. I agree that these stories are important, that they show us how people are affected by their unique aceness and how its percieved by people and internally felt. I would never say that any of these people aren't ace or that their stories aren't valid ace experiences. But what are they saying about all the aces who exist that don't feel the same way? When people continually insinuate that being ace INHERENTLY has something to do with being negative towards sex, it literally just says to me people are not truly learning what being ace is. Which it is about attraction no matter which way you slice and dice it. Straight people, just as one example, aren't defined that way because of their sexual attraction AND life experiences that are important to talk about and highlight because it shows the differences in perceived reality. They are defined that way because of what gender they are sexually attracted to. Asexuality should not be differently defined than any other sexual orientation. It actually makes it more complicated to do that, than clear things up. And to be clear, im talking specifically about people who go the extra mile to insinuate that being ace inherently has something to do with having a repulsion towards sex. And im not at all talking about sex repulsed aces sharing their experiences without doing that. People, as a whole, use the term ace as a replacement for sex repulsion and that needs to end before anyone can claim that people in general have any understanding of what being ace means
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
I’m not interested in defining my community and myself through a lens of making sure non-ace people don’t “get the wrong idea.”
@_em.
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice im not sure where youre getting that i am? Many ace people themselves also hold that misconception? So. Are you okay with everyone just thinking asexuality equals sex repulsion then? Because that is exactly what tying sexual behaviour to what actually makes someone ace does (regardless of whether you yourself understand that there are differences and nuance in the ace experience), due to very popular misconceptions currently held by MOST people (in AND out of the ace community). A lot of what I'm talking about in my first comment is ace people (aka people in the community) who are sex repulsed putting it out there that the often talked about, rarely understood by non ace people 'unifying experience' IS being sex repulsed. Im not talking stictly about sex repulsed aces sharing their experiences, im talking about the ones who actually use the term ACE to mean sex repulsed in casual terms. I see it literally all the time. Paragraphs literally describing sex repulsion and equating it to what "makes someone ace". I'm actually scratching my head here wondering if youre implying im not part of the ace community or something. Ace people themselves "get the wrong idea" when misconceptions are allowed to become "ace culture". Also, this SHOULD be a conversation. I appreciate what you do for the community, but im raising these points bc as a PART of said community, it is incredibly frustrating to be consistently kept out of the conversation when i am as ace as any other ace person. I have been told by countless people in and out of the community that i dont "make sense" or that if i experience what i experience im simply NOT ace. Comment upon comment enforce this idea. That is BECAUSE of the misconception that aceness is due to what one does in regards to sexual behaviour. YOU may be okay with non ace people getting the wrong idea, but i am NOT okay with consistently being erased by my OWN community. It really bothers me that you boiled down my first comment to something that is completely in different realm than what i was trying to say. Please explain how me wanting to make it clear that i, and people like me, EXIST is somehow NOT important to the ace community when large swaths of the people in general think a sex favourable ace is an impossibility? People make comments that get 3k likes saying "asexuality has always been really easy for me to understand. You ever wake up and not want sex? For an asexual, that's everyday." 3k likes. Again, just because you're okay with non ace people having misconceptions, doesn't mean its not straight up erasure.
@_em.
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice this response really bothers me. Im not angry at the idea that non ace people may "get the wrong idea". I am angry about the constant and CONSISTENT erasure of sex favourable aces IN asexual spaces. If that doesn't bother YOU congrats, youre not dealing with something that i see EVERY time i enter a discussion about this. Every. single. sexual orientation has a multitude of ways that can explore relationship to sex. Every single one, that isnt something specific to aceness. Tying relationship to sex with what MAKES someone ace muddies the waters SO MUCH, but thats okay for you, right? I apologize if i come across as confrontational but you are literally asking for the ONLY defense sex favourable aces have against the idea that asexuality is synonymous with sex repulsion to be deemed unnecessary by the ace community. That's upsetting to me, when ive been fighting against this idea since i figured out i was ace.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
@@_em. your anger and aggression is wildly misdirected. I’m sex-favorable.
@_em.
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice are you even reading what im writing? I have stated several times in both messages that i don't think youre intending for that outcome. It happens regardless. People (as in most people who are misinformed about what being ace is whether they are in the community or not) hear "relationship to sex is important to what being ace is" and intead of understanding the nuance of that, they inevitably take it to mean "not liking sex is inherent to being ace". That's not any one person's fault. But it literally happens.
@smolmoru
11 ай бұрын
1. I tend to call it more like immunity to seduction for funzies. I'm also strongly advocating that you don't need *any* attraction to be able to form any kind of bond with another person. like I'm attractionless down to the core and I don't crave connections in any way shape or form, but I'm still capable of forming/having them. besides allos(including in the platonic sense) are also fully capable of having relationships and bonds with people w/o attractions being present. they just don't realize it, because society's so romance/sex focused when it comes to attraction 2. I'm intensely apothi, but I still make sure to explain to allos that you don't need to feel the ahooga to wanna bang another human being. again. why the need to put so much value in and be so dreamy about something that sounds tbh like such an absolute pain in the ass? 3. ha! you got me. I kinda did that in the 1st point with my "I'm attractionless, but I'm still able to form bonds" thing. but how can I expect normative brainwashed allos to understand the concept of attraction = not as important and needed as you think w/o making it clear to them that I don't just have ASPD or something? they don't get it unless you spoonfeed it to them. there are even other a-spec's who struggle to understand that. the thing I did overcome with my attractionless realization tho is getting myself out of the brainrot of amato-/allonormative indoctrination. nothing more nothing less and I'm proud I'm now capable of seeing though the veil of normative doctrine and expectations, cuz we need people who can do that to break free from, for lack of a better word these curses humans put upon themselves we call "normativities". 4. I'm not. well I am for the people who had to suffer through emotional damage, cuz I thought I *had* to fall in love someday. while all I did was killing them internally with my inability to reciprocate romantic love. but I don't fully blame myself for that. just for not realizing sooner that I can't be "fixed". the rest of the blame lies in those expectations and fear mongering of a lonesome and miserable life. I'm more vengeful towards these concepts than I am sorry about who or what I am. they damaged me too and I'll not stop being obnoxiously annoying about my identity until I see actual progress when it comes to the abolishment of normative expectations. same difference for neurotypical expectations, cuz a lot of my struggles intersect with my autism as well as my genderless existence
@orangesnowflake3769
11 ай бұрын
I have been calling myself asexual for a very long time, but i'm wondering what if you can sometimes feel sexual attraction to others but NEVER want to act upon it? For example if someone never wants to have penatrative sex ever ever? Would that still be part of asexuality? i welcome all comments!!
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
It absolutely is. Asexuality is not a straitjacket. Labels are tools not tests. They help us describe the patterns of our experience and help us connect to others who share that experience. They are not pass/fail tests we take indefinitely. And asexuality broadly describes folks who have relationships to sex and sexual attraction that are outside cultural norms, most commonly unified by lacking sexual attraction or desire. That’s a wide range of experience. It’s not monolithic and it’s not contingent on purity of experience. All that to say, it’s a part of asexuality.
@orangesnowflake3769
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice thank you 😊
@jimiwills
11 ай бұрын
Applicable to other truths also ❤
@TinasArtPage
11 ай бұрын
As a Mom of a kiddo who just came out as non-binary, demi & Ace - right now I’m a little confused on how things work with having relationships while also being ace…. Is it difficult to navigate explaining to potential partners? Also I have to ask in your personal experience how does polyamory work in conjunction with being ace? I’m Demi-pan & non binary myself and I know that even gets confusing for me at times and I’m trying my best to understand and be supportive of my kiddo so they can have a hopefully easier experience as they move into the world of dating and relationships and this way I can understand better and be more supportive of them and any potential future partners they may have…
@MR-el2ym
11 ай бұрын
Great work on brainwashing your child and leaving them just as messed up in the head as you 🤦.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
I think the important thing to remember is that all relationships require thoughtful, respectful negotiation of terms around intimacy and shared goals. The same applies for ace-allo relationships. Are allo-allo negotiations easier? Sure. But the same relationship skills apply. And as long as they understand how sexuality works for them and what they want in terms of intimacy and physicality, they can advocate for those things with a partner. I think it's valuable to teach young ace folks a) you deserve the things you want our of a relationship, so don't go in assuming you have to compromise in the direction of an allo partner, b) how to ask for what you want without apology, because allo partners ask for what they want unapologetically and c) if a person can't give you what you want, that's not a failing of YOU, and don't internalize someone else's inability to provide the relationship that lets you thrive.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Polyamory works great for me! lol Again, it's a matter of good communication, being clear about what I want and what my boundaries are, and making that an ongoing discussion with my partners.
@juliaabreus
11 ай бұрын
I don't think I agree, at least not with everything. To me there's no way around it, lack of attraction, not feeling attraction. They are both in the negative, aceness is the consequence of absence, and thats okay. "It's only about attraction" was important to me, not in the sense that it encapsulates everything, but in the origin of the otherness. I was trying to conform, to experience. The behavior wouldn't have spoken to me, and it's important to differentiate it from celibacy. And the "even though I'm ace", sometimes its true, sometimes it's a obstacle and there're behaviors we do to conform that are contractions to how we experience our aceness and behaviors that complement, we shouldn't have to censure ourselves for others. But I do totally agree with the sorry, I'm so tired of feeling apologetic. Anyways, I think there's a reason why we use the language that we use, it may not be always positive but humans are complex.
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
“Asexuality is the consequence of absence” is an allonormative way of conceiving asexuality.
@bethsophia398
11 ай бұрын
This is often the way “others” are named by the majority-with what they lack or how they diverge from the norm. A pathological lens likes to put people in boxes when they have something “wrong” with them (think attention deficit disorder and other diagnoses) Just because our society does this doesn’t mean it has to continue to be this way. Rejecting Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda J Brown is a great read to expound on this idea. Sex and sexual attraction don’t have to be one of the most important things people define themselves by, but our culture has done that for a long while now so we don’t even know what a world without that emphasis would feel like.
@antiamatus
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdviceThere is no way to define asexuality accurately without referencing an absence
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
@@antiamatus the point being made is that when you call it a “lack” or an “absence,” you are implying that something should be there. “I don’t experience sexual attraction” does not suggest I am missing something that should be there. It does not suggest that I lack something. It does not suggest that I possess an absence where something is expected to be. It just explains the nature of my experience without comparison to something else. So you can describe asexuality without talking about a lack or an absence.
@antiamatus
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice Those three phrases come across the same way to me. I suppose they probably don't to other people, so I'll take your word for it.
@edspace.
11 ай бұрын
Granted I'm probably in a slightly different position due to being autistic, since the social expectation of autistic people is to not be romantic (let alone sexual) beings. So the idea of asexuality as "a lack of" can feel a little paradoxical since it can then (through the lens of autism) fell like its basically Straight (since the social expectation of autistic people is that we don't find relationships, we don't reproduce and we don't experience sex) so I hope I don't intrude on a conversation I've no place in. And in fairness it was only one person who said I have a "lack of" sexuality and they claimed it was from being Irish and thus "lacked the competitive drive of the English", (I've one Irish parent and one Lancastrian parent and have curly hair and I deliberately chose the pre-1801 flag for a reason). Still I hope everyone's having a nice day and I thought I was already subscribed but I wasn't so I've subscribed, but might be worth anyone checking if you were subscribed but find you're not.
@BeauMeztli
11 ай бұрын
That's interesting that you associate acenes with straightness. My aceness never felt straight, even being aro (gray) I feel it's oriented, not straight. Aceness feels like being autistic, human still but outside of the 'norm' or what's expected for a human, ace is still a sexuality but outside of what's the norm (both in queer and straight spaces) or what's expected of sexuality.
@BeauMeztli
11 ай бұрын
Ofc, as autistic, there's the problem of desexualization and of forcing a label on you from the outside as opposed to you identifying with it
@edspace.
11 ай бұрын
@@BeauMeztli Thank you for your kindness and understanding, granted I may not have the best words. I was meaning more for me rather than aceness in general, since it can feel hard for me to feel like I'm a good fit at pride as I don't feel like I am outside the norm expected of me (even if another person oriented the same way would be seen as outside the norm). Perhaps this may also result in being outside the norm of queer spaces to.
@edspace.
11 ай бұрын
@@BeauMeztli Which is sad since it feels oddly paradoxical being both outside the sexual norm but never being expected to "come around" or "maybe you haven't met the right person yet" or other experiences that other ace people seem to find as such a big part of their ace experience (albeit it shouldn't be).
@BeauMeztli
11 ай бұрын
@@edspace. This is true, I don't feel all that comfortable at pride either but perhaps bc that feels more of an NT and allo way of celebrating, or at least not my way, regardless, this year I still had some fun, maybe the company also makes a difference
@theladyamalthea
11 ай бұрын
“We deserve to live unapologetic Ace lives.” 🙌🏻💜🩶🤍
@kjones5654
11 ай бұрын
I love this as an aroace linguist! The language we use to frame things is so important to how we and others view things. The first point you mention reminds me of a paper I read recently about asexuality not being a lack, but rather a space where other things can grow; I found it to be very inspiring, especially since our society tells us we *need* to fit allonormative standards to be happy. 🖤🩶🤍💜
@AceDadAdvice
11 ай бұрын
Asexuality as a creative space is part of my next book. I completely agree. And HI AROACE LINGUIST! Queer linguistics is one of the areas really sparking my learner brain now that I am back in school.
@kjones5654
11 ай бұрын
@@AceDadAdvice I look forward to reading your new book! And queer linguistics is such a fascinating field! It always keeps my brain going because there are always more things to consider and learn :)
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