I'm 52. I just realized my mother is codependent, and this has explained my extreme discomfort with our relationship for years. It just clicked somehow. One of her traits is chattering. She has even said that people have told her she's a chatterbox. Her response was, "No I'm not. If I don't have anything to say, I don't say anything." Her chattering isn't so much about self-centeredness as it seems to be a pathological condition, like she just can't keep quiet. Has to verbalize all the chattering that's going on in her head, chatters to "connect." As though updating me on all the minor details of her life and her day is somehow "visiting." She will start to make a point about something and she will digress into so many unnecessary details and tangents that you'll wonder if she's ever coming back to the original point.
@MichelleFarrismft
6 ай бұрын
Yes that is sooooo common sadly. I hope these suggestions help!
@alleynejoelle
6 ай бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you!
@MichelleFarrismft
6 ай бұрын
@@alleynejoelle I’m glad too!
@emac1286
5 ай бұрын
Sometimes these people are on the spectrum , ADD, ADHD. That’s the only thing making me have compassion….These tools are great.
@surbana9803
23 күн бұрын
This is my mother-in-law. A chronic overtalker. Frustrating as hell. She has dementia & is now near the end of her life. As I look back over the 25+ years knowing her, I realize I never really got to truly know her very well, which is really sad - all that talking & never really saying much at all. Hungry for connection, but likely never really felt a lot of it. The rest of the family always tuned her out. Wish we'd had these tools years ago. 💔
@amandakaras356
5 ай бұрын
I am a talker, and I want to thank you for making these videos. I am learning to have more balance in my friendships, and your videos are very helpful.
@MichelleFarrismft
5 ай бұрын
I’m so glad - you Hank you for taking the time to say so!
@tomb20061
9 ай бұрын
Good content 😊. Chronic talkers are maddening. It’s always surface level , everyday things that they drone on and on about. Never anything of importance. I usually just zone out and then escape as soon as I can.
@MichelleFarrismft
9 ай бұрын
That’s sad but a very common experience. I’m so glad you found me!
@katiad4140
2 ай бұрын
There's a fellow dog owner in my hood who drives me crazy every time. She just talks and talks and talks and in so much detail and does not pick up on ANY cues that I'm not listening and trying to move away. Today my dog started pulling away and she kinda came closer instead of letting us go! And kept talking!! I have issues with boundaries, having grown up an only child with a narcissistic mom. I can handle the 10 minutes that once in a while when I bump into her, but I come out angry and frustrated. My life's been quite tough with my upbringing, and I feel increasingly that I don't want to dedicate even 10 minutes of my short life to anything so toxic and time-wasting. Yet, I don't know how to deal with this woman because in the past, in one of her ramblings about whatever she mentioned she sometimes has s******l thoughts. Like, seriously, I opened up about having anxiety and she went straight in into a rambling about her mental health to this level. Plus, I think she wouldn't be able to take my boundaries onboard anyways, and I'd end up with an ugly and angry face every time I'd bump into her, which equally diminishes my quality of life because you don't want to have the bad experience of bumping into someone in your neighbourhood who doesn't even say hi to you. I think I'll just pretend to be on the phone 9/10 times I'll bump into her. But, given my own issues with boundaries overall, it bugs me that I'm not able to set one in this case.
@MichelleFarrismft
2 ай бұрын
@@katiad4140 yeah this is challenging. Maybe watch the video again to see what might work. Life is all about practice- no one gets it perfect but taking baby steps can make a difference.
@lynnstotz9374
2 ай бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft
2 ай бұрын
@@lynnstotz9374 thank you Lynn!
@ankharahallstrom1580
9 ай бұрын
I'm one of those people who talks too much. I don't mean to be annoying. I just love to share things that I think are cool.
@MichelleFarrismft
9 ай бұрын
I understand, it's very common - I have a few videos on that topic - here you go :) kzitem.info/news/bejne/lWOPn4uvnaWDnHY
@leeboriack8054
8 ай бұрын
People, who think other people are obligated to be their audience have an attachment disorder from their infant years. See a counselor and explore the possibilities of narcissism and childhood issues.
@MichelleFarrismft
8 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing!@@leeboriack8054
@ankharahallstrom1580
8 ай бұрын
@@leeboriack8054 I don't think people are obligated to be my audience. I just love to share things with people. I don't get upset if someone doesn't want to talk, I just kind of have terrible social skills. I was diagnosed with autism, so I tend to not always at first see what I'm doing. To me, I'm just trying to give others a chance to experience the joy I experienced when learning things that I did. But, I'm genuinely horrified at the idea that I might be some kind of heartless, manipulating narcissist on top of the autism I have. If it turns out I have a dark triad personality, I may consider removing myself from the gene pool, since the last thing I want to do is make the world a worse place. I don't mean ending myself (I'm too much of a coward to do that anyway, I'd planned on multiple times when I was a teen being tormented by intrusive thoughts but could never finish the job), I just mean I might refuse to be in a relationship and voluntarily choosing to die alone. I apologize for taking the conversation in such a dark direction, it's just hearing that I might be a danger to others shook me to the core like nothing else has in a long time.
@ankharahallstrom1580
8 ай бұрын
@@leeboriack8054 KZitem removed my comment. I'll reply piecemeal instead and see what I did wrong. I don't feel that others are obligated to be my audience, I don't get upset with anyone for not being interested, I have autism and I don't always understand at first what I did wrong. From my perspective, I'm just trying to share things to give others a chance to experience the joy I did when I discovered them. I have the misfortune of a blend of autism and extroversion.
@JohnMoya-j7c
26 күн бұрын
EXACTLY 😂😂😂
@MichelleFarrismft
26 күн бұрын
Thank, you!!!
@jillianroselovesfilmandchurros
6 ай бұрын
I'm watching to help gain insight for those on the receiving end. I can honestly say that chonic talking can coexist with thoughts of the other person and can actually be what drives our defensive speech. It's like constantly keeping their road in mind and putting down bazillions of pilons in the conversation to ensure your message stays within what would be understandable according to what you think their judgements are based on what you know about them as a friend. The over talker is only an over talker with those that they trust and are relieved to have the opportunity to be social with.
@tiagonthego
6 ай бұрын
All this talk and it barely made any sense.
@MichelleFarrismft
6 ай бұрын
@dianengako4304 sorry it was confusing for you.
@AnnaGrace603
7 ай бұрын
I sometimes wonder if it says "trauma dump on me" on my forehead. Thank you for this advice. I hate people who talk a lot. If I can, I avoid them all together at this point. I hate conversational narcissists. They are too selfabsorbed to even notice that they dont see you and hear and dont even bother to care
@MichelleFarrismft
7 ай бұрын
Oh I used to have the same sign in my forehead until I got really good at spotting them. Now I don’t engage and silently wish them well!
@mindset_olympics2
3 ай бұрын
Just Gotta be assertive and give poeple chances before you label them "convo narcs" one of Michelle's techniques was stating the time limit i.e.: "I've got 20 mins to talk" and I remember my mom told me that. and I love that.
@MichelleFarrismft
3 ай бұрын
@mindset_olympics2 thank you!
@theeprettypoet0126
2 ай бұрын
Wow this really feels validating. It’s good to know I am not alone.
@richardgrant9590
2 ай бұрын
They hate your reclusive self too. Coward.
@leeboriack8054
8 ай бұрын
At age 63, I have two friends of 30+ years, who call to dump for 10 to 30 minutes at a time. When I see their # I preface with “I can talk but at any minute I’m expecting a call from my brother, Dr. etc.” If they are retelling a story for umpteenth time I say “I remember your telling me about that” and I quickly tell them how their story ended. Rarely can you change people. But you can change your reaction, but you can change friends.
@MichelleFarrismft
8 ай бұрын
YES! You can change your reaction but not what other people do.
@Otaku-ld8wg
9 ай бұрын
i dont interrupt to be able to finish speaking , i just stand up silently and walk away right in front of them in the middle of what theyre saying and i do it rudely ive had a few people ask like"where are you going?" to which i reply oh u didnt care wat i had to say so i dont care wat you have to say 😊
@MichelleFarrismft
9 ай бұрын
These are definitely challenging - thanks for watching!
@rukiak89
5 ай бұрын
😂😂
@MichelleFarrismft
5 ай бұрын
@rukiak89 hang in there!
@laurenspouse3521
6 ай бұрын
I have had several roommates like this. So annoying and mentally draining.
@MichelleFarrismft
6 ай бұрын
Yes they can be draining!
@LyssaHirsche
18 күн бұрын
Currently living with 2. Lived with only 1 for all of last year and now there are 2. It's only been 1 week and I've been avoiding them by staying in my room
@MichelleFarrismft
18 күн бұрын
@LyssaHirsche ugh! I know how hard that is!
@loissemanek1715
10 ай бұрын
I interrupt my friend when he keeps going on and he doesn’t mind. He isn’t a toxic person. My sister goes on all negative and it’s awful. I use some of your techniques and it hepls
@MichelleFarrismft
10 ай бұрын
That's great! That is a sign of health that your friend is willing to hear you. Thanks for watching!
@diannedell8405
10 ай бұрын
Great suggestions......my problem is, that I get angry at them and tell them off! Need to try better strategies..haha
@MichelleFarrismft
10 ай бұрын
Thanks, I totally get the anger - this video might help The Secret to Managing Emotional Triggers in Relationships kzitem.info/news/bejne/lJh_rHVtmpl3bHY
@myrnasmith565
22 күн бұрын
I just moved in here with a married couple. The man talks incessantly. I am using the strategy of leaving the room. He acknowledges that he talks too much. On the first day I told him that his talking left me feeling over extended. He seemed to understand. My goal here is peace and to master setting boundaries.
@MichelleFarrismft
21 күн бұрын
@myrnasmith565 wow! That’s great - the fact that you could speak up early before it went on too long definitely makes a difference - and that he was receptive.
@MichellePoirier12
10 ай бұрын
My issues are with the cashiers that won't shut up. Like, the transaction is over, why are they going story after story without pause? Or total strangers. I don't want to be rude, but I'm not big on conversations to begin with.
@MichelleFarrismft
10 ай бұрын
Yes, it's challenging for sure! I think some people who talk too much are starved and they just can't stop. Compassion with boundaries works!
@leeboriack8054
8 ай бұрын
Pretend your phone reminded you of an appointment.
@jillianroselovesfilmandchurros
6 ай бұрын
For the over-talker, a coffee date with a best friend can be 5 hours or as long as 2 days. Each person takes turns saying everything they want, without worrying about passing the ball. The ball is naturally passed, and the other person tends to talk for an hour. I wish over talkers were not seen as selfish so much as just seen as bigger servers in terms of verbal exchange. It's a really embarassing feeling of being devalued when someone's eyes start shifting after 5 minutes and they cut you off politely. It's when you know this person has acquaintance potential but the mind starts to self-attack. I think the best thing to say is "You talk more than I can listen!" which would likely make us laugh and know that you are not the one to go to in order to feel seen and heard.
@MichelleFarrismft
6 ай бұрын
Thank you, I think the key is to be considerate of each other so one person doesn’t dominate the conversation. Appreciate you watching!
@Noonien96-nx6yj
15 күн бұрын
Something odd that I observe in people who talk too much is if I try to bring up something interesting that I've seen, they'll interrupt with a negative perception before I've finished the statement. They'll say "I hate it when people do that." before I've gotten to the part where the other person I'm describing actually did something positive. And then I'm stuck trying to decide if I should tell the positive part to the chatterbox person, or instead just avoid them from now on.
@MichelleFarrismft
15 күн бұрын
Speaking up IS a challenge but definitely worth trying.
@mindscramble8248
2 ай бұрын
I'm noticing in the comments here that people who claim that they are the excessive talkers seem to leave the shorter comments than those who are are commenting on how they deal with excessive talkers. Kinda funny 😊.
@MichelleFarrismft
2 ай бұрын
It's the opposite on the other video I have - people tend to show up as they are - and the key is accepting them or making the choice to distance if it doesn't work for you.
@JamieHouseweart
10 ай бұрын
Yes😊
@MichelleFarrismft
10 ай бұрын
Thanks Jamie, I hope you found it helpful!
@evamejia9108
10 ай бұрын
Yes😊
@MichelleFarrismft
10 ай бұрын
Thanks Eva! You're not alone!
@queenofhearts1138
9 ай бұрын
I hope you see this comment. Hello, I am new to your space. This is a constant issue for me, something about me seems to say "please trauma dump on me, please pour out on me, think out loud to me, give me the highest most detailed overview of your day/life/traumatic event. I have a "friendship" now where she just takes up too much space, she talks and talks. When I start to interject she'll leave the room. I can't stand it any more and have again started to avoid her. She talks and talks and talks. She talks about gruesome things and is always sharing bad news with me that I don't want on my mind. I don't like her as a friend but we've trauma bonded over single motherhood. It is not a mutually satisfying relationship I feel drained by interaction with her, and her children and household dynamic is a mess. It's not a balanced relationship. The problem I have is that.... I don't want to do the work to redirect this person, and "teach" them what's acceptable. I take this constant overtalking as you don't care about me. I don't want to do the work of having to redirect them in conversation that's not fair to me, and once I see this the friendship immediately becomes not worth the work for me. I'm in this situation right now, she'll even get up and walk away when I'm talking she can't stand to focus her energy/attention on ME when I'm sharing. Tired of her actually...
@MichelleFarrismft
9 ай бұрын
Yeah some people will respond to feedback but others won't - I think that trying to say your peace is the first line of defense - and will tell you a lot. I agree though, sometimes letting home know up front that you don't want to talk about heavy stuff can help but only if they are willing to listen, if not, then you get to decide if you want to stay or go.
@leeboriack8054
8 ай бұрын
Please seek counseling about this dynamic.
@MichelleFarrismft
8 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching!@@leeboriack8054
@MichelleFarrismft
8 ай бұрын
Yes being clear and walking away is usually the best course of action with people who can't hear us. Thanks for watching!@@julienfarinas
@theeprettypoet0126
2 ай бұрын
I wish my prior therapist was able to provide techniques like this. Instead she made me feel like a pushover and as if I was weak. Thank you for this! It’s good to know I am that someone does under and that it’s okay to detach from that person if they refuse to allow me to participate in the conversation.
@MichelleFarrismft
2 ай бұрын
Oh I am sooooooo sorry, not every therapist is trained in codependency. and YES! Detachment is super important - you might find this video helpful too kzitem.info/news/bejne/16Gc3IWPo2OJh6A
@jillianroselovesfilmandchurros
6 ай бұрын
Interrupting is about affirming. It's about making the other person feel validated and normal. It's an expression of care.
@MichelleFarrismft
6 ай бұрын
Thank you for watching! Interrupting is tricky - even when you mean well, the other person often doesn't feel heard. Wondering if you meant validation?
@jillianroselovesfilmandchurros
6 ай бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft I mean affirmation in terms of emotional support or encouragement. :)
@cookiepookie2233
4 ай бұрын
Yes❤
@MichelleFarrismft
4 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching! You’re not alone!
@bubbleculture
9 ай бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft
9 ай бұрын
Thanks for being here!
@tanyablais2992
2 ай бұрын
I have out of state family members that visit an then that talk way too much. A few exit strategies are always helpful, like taking the dogs for a walk or running an “errand”. I also find that if I can work on something, like a knitting project or adult coloring books, I can passively listen with much more patience. Still though, it is painful. Thank you for saying not to feel guilty, because I always do…
@MichelleFarrismft
2 ай бұрын
@@tanyablais2992 yeah I know but us feeling fully for their behavior doesn’t make sense ( even though emotionally that’s where we get stuck ). You’re in the right place! Thanks for watching.
Пікірлер: 80