Daydreaming is bad but waking up from it one day is worse.
@sanataj
Ай бұрын
Having nothing - no love care or success is worse. No purpose in life or stoicism for the terrible truths of life.
@Outlawsrevenge1020
9 ай бұрын
I've been daydreaming since childhood to help me escape the emotional abuse I was going through. I still do this as an adult and it's to the point where I don't try to make my life better. My mind was the only safe place as a kid, and now I have to let it go, so I can build a fulfilling life for myself. Its the only comfort I get, and yet I know I have to let it go.
@Heyu7her3
9 ай бұрын
He's essentially talking about Complex PTSD. The symptoms are similar to ADHD.
@anxylum
8 ай бұрын
I spent my entire childhood and well into adulthood (mid 40’s) fantasizing/daydreaming as well. I never chose to stop, but one day, I was forced to. The ability just left me one day (partly due to acquired aphantasia). I spent the next several years going through absolute hell, but I have made a lot of changes and am still actively working on things and while it doesn’t always feel like it, they are slowly getting better.
@junepearl7993
8 ай бұрын
@@RS-of8odDon’t take advice from some random person on the internet. See a professional if you need help. You might or might not have PTSD.
@Oddity00
5 ай бұрын
@@anxylum how did you acquire it?
@anxylum
5 ай бұрын
@@Oddity00 I don’t know, but as far as I can tell it happened one night. I still remember the last image I saw. My doctors and therapists think it may have been medication I was on, or more likely due to PTSD. My anxiety absolutely skyrocketed after I lost my ability to visualize, it felt claustrophobic and scary. It comes back in little flashes every now and then, and it’s almost always something negative, so I guess I should be thankful for the aphantasia.
@gaiagoddess5360
9 ай бұрын
What about when you've spent your entire life (50+ years) trying to build a good life for yourself only to have it elude you forever? I can see where this would be helpful for a young person, but what about when you are nearing retirement age and still have not been able to build the life that you want? Spending time devoted to a fantasy might truly be all you will ever have. I know another person who is also in their late 50's who is in the same boat as I am, and we both say that we don't know what we would do without our fantasies, because we have spent our whole lives struggling and suffering only to have our lives get worse, not better, and now it's too late to do anything but enjoy what little time we have left the best way we can. We are also both autistic, and autistic people spend a lot of their time in fantasy worlds because we can barely survive in this world. In this case, I think it really is a survival mechanism.
@jenniferroy6288
9 ай бұрын
Maybe you are lucky you have creativity. It’s not too late to create something different…
@creatrixZBD
9 ай бұрын
Same age, can relate. Do what you gotta do, you’ve earned it. It’s not true that if you work hard, success will come. It’s ok, you can just enjoy the here and now when you can, you know how to cooe and do the hard yards, no need for any more practice at that! Take care, look after yourself and your mates. You’re not alone with this. Young people have no way of understanding how hope can be eroded over decades.
@ubernerrd
9 ай бұрын
Find a good therapist and work on building a better life. You're only 50, you could still live for decades longer.
@letsreadtextbook1687
9 ай бұрын
In my opinion, if one can manage it well, fantasy doesn't just make life more bearable, but also more functional. I'm sure it has helped you going thru things and you've made it this far, I'd say celebrate it ❤ Sorry that not everything worked out as well as you want to, but hey, you've done your best and survived! And I totally can respect that. Don't mind other people.
@gaiagoddess5360
9 ай бұрын
@@jenniferroy6288 I've lost my ability to be creative due to autistic burnout, perimenopause, depression, anxiety. I was never able to make much money off it anyway, even when I did have it.
@evadebruijn
9 ай бұрын
First of all: Thank you for this very important message. Second of all: This screams for a part two. The actual steps you took to muster up the energy courage stamina resilience and whatever you encountered when fighting yourself a way back to real life. I am almost 50 and only gotten worse with maladaptive daydreaming and my discontentment with real life has gotten as problematic as you stated: social skills, isolating, hypercritical, and I try to push through but it leaves me feeling depleted for the amount of effort it takes me for what looks like/feels like very little payoff (if any). So ... Staying on this road paints a picture of a bitter old lonely cat woman I am determined NOT to become, on the other hand, HOW?? I find the reality of daily life so incredibly not fulfilling, it feels like doing time. Looking forward to all your future video's on this topic! ✌️
@mtndewprettygud6416
9 ай бұрын
Seriously I could use an entire course on fighting against this instead of letting it win nearly every day
@wh44
9 ай бұрын
A part two would be really good. Until then, might I suggest exercise as a starting point? Any exercise that you might like, whether alone or in a group: long walks, running, swimming, whatever. The important thing is not which exercise, but that you like it enough to do it. My exercise is also self-defense: Jujutsu. I was 48 when I started and am now 62 and am still at it - so don't tell yourself you're too old. And if you don't feel like it on some particular day, tell yourself "just 5 minutes". If after 5 minutes you don't want to continue, then don't. But often it is like snacking: a little bit and suddenly you want more.
@mtndewprettygud6416
9 ай бұрын
@@wh44 Great way to put it, exercise is wonderful. Starting small & giving 1% is always better than nothing, even if you gave more yesterday. It’s all about not falling back to 0% for a consistent period. You have a good mindset friend, keep it up
@evadebruijn
9 ай бұрын
@@wh44 Thank you for your comment, funny thing is I always advise exercising to people who feel low, and like life is passing them by with them being more like an onlooker than a participant. The thing is, I already exercise most days of the week, HIIT and training for a half marathon and taking cold showers (Wim Hof method) and the list goes on of all the things I do to "heal". THAT is what I meant with little pay off for so much effort. All my resources are going towards "healing"/ "getting a life", but as I said, feels like doing time and does not make me feel anymore connected / feel a sense of community (you can work out together for years but you don't get quality one on one bond building, this goes for any group activity really, it helps with a certain type of loneliness, but not the existential type) ✌️
@wh44
9 ай бұрын
@@evadebruijn If your exercise feels like a burden, try something else. The best exercise in the world won't help if it drains your motivation so that you stop. If you want to socialize in your sport and you're not getting that, then try a sport where you can socialize. Half my social circle is now "Jiukas" (Jujutsu practitioners). If you do want to try a martial art or similar, ask if you can observe or even try out before joining - if you cannot, that's a red flag. If it's all young men, that's also a red flag: such groups tend to be more competitive, less social, and less helpful. Be sure the trainer treats everyone with respect.
@acools07
9 ай бұрын
I am 56, I have been using this for most of my life. I have never thought of it in the way you have explained it, nor have I ever heard a mental health professional talk about it. This will be a hard habit to change for me 😢
@jayalexander3356
9 ай бұрын
I'm 54. I've spent most of my life being, what I call, "in my head" I never thought of it as a fantasy world. This is probably why I have nothing in real life.
@le3308
9 ай бұрын
Yes I made the realization this year that I needed to stop living on the internet. I feel the difference, but it’s not fun working on social skills. I dread events
@HinnyHinaika
9 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video! I had a terrible childhood, where I felt so unloved, helpless, hopeless, neglected and abused. The pains were too great for my child brain, that it did find a brilliant and least self-destructive way to survive: fantasy escapism(books, movies and video games). Thanks to my coping mechanism, I never took drugs nor ever got involved with the criminal youths in my neighborhood. But that same mechanism is now so maladaptive, because I'm an adult with much more responsibilities. I can't afford to neglect my real life. You are right about every points. Yes I do feel more depressed whenever I've been too long in my fantasy, and having to get back to real life. Love your contents, sir!
@amytv787
9 ай бұрын
Anyone else feel like social media perpetuates these fantasy worlds? Social Media really makes us lose grip on reality, and want to escape the life right in front of us. All the comparisons, expectations, and overloads of information we absorb bring us father and farther away. Gotta get back to reality.
@Yoshoggutha
9 ай бұрын
Social media is seriously a curse on humanity.
@evadebruijn
9 ай бұрын
Especially when every available legal option to keep us engaged is put to use and we get to live in parallel realities where the us and them do not talk to each other anymore but only talk about eachother which can't ever lead to a constructive outcome when there's issues. Maybe the next war should not be on drugs but on everything that messes with our brains and nervous systems especially the dopamin reward system. Take the power back! Great moment to log off KZitem and go do something else 👍😄🙏
@Light-m8l
8 ай бұрын
what is reality to you?
@MonicaMartella-xq7wf
6 ай бұрын
Thank you.
@alexanderkane9864
9 ай бұрын
Earlier this year I began to crawl my way out of the fantasy hole after 23 years of dissociating and daydreaming. I have lived much of my life as if I were watching it as a movie. Beginning to leave this coping mechanism behind has been very painful, but I'm glad to hear that it may be worth the effort. Thank you!
@MsCalcat
3 ай бұрын
I'm 70, spend most of my time in a near-fantasy world and I love it. I function and thrive as well as anyone. I rise to occasions and real-life situations as they happen and accept my responsibilities. I have very good self-care, longtime friends, a happy marriage, and enjoy my post-retirement parttime job. I'm an artist and writer and being in a fantasy world has made me better at both. I have the advantage of AGE in a world that is crumbling and beyond repair. What's more delusional than fantasy is to carry on with magical thinking or hope that the world will reverse its course. It will never happen.
@donnaanderson7954
9 ай бұрын
If not for my fantasy (or fantasies), I'd have nothing. Nothing. I'm getting old, and I found myself going to fantasies more and more the older I got. Reality has always hurt too much.
@seanmclaren8829
8 ай бұрын
Thank you so much. Outside of meditation and spirituality circles I've never heard a psychologist talk about this severely under-discussed mental health topic. To the extent that we are lost in our thoughts and daydreaming, we are missing the majority of our lives and waking up to how much time has been lost to it already is a painful pill to swallow. It negatively affects everything. It is very correlated with ADHD and depression. Even after "spiritual awakening", seeing through the veil of thought, the habit of daydreaming is so entrenched it requires perpetual, vigilant self-inquiry to counteract. Not to mention the massive amount of backlogged trauma and trapped emotion that must be felt and released. Maladaptive daydreaming is more addictive than drugs and I'm positive is even more excruciating to withdraw from. I hold the barbaric "schooling" system more to blame than any other factor for this mental pandemic. The creative imagination of the child is severely thwarted in its process and divorced from expression and application in real life, it retreats inward into personalized fantasy.
@NoblesseOblige-17
9 ай бұрын
I kinda unintentionally did cut most of that (much less time with games, anime, books) out for the last 2.5 years and focused more on my life at work, but what that lead me to was 2 years of misery, depression, and maybe developing/discovering BPD. I've hit my limit now and resolved to stop attempting to feel better there, distance myself and just drown myself in games/books.
@yuka-coco
9 ай бұрын
Hi!! I'm a 25 year-old Japanese woman. One of the mental struggles that I've been wanting to overcome is daydreaming. But it's so hard not to daydream and I keep doing it on a regular basis. Probably because I'm getting something out of it. I would appreciate it if you could talk about the cause of daydreaming and how to overcome it. Anyway, Thank you so much for talking about this!!
@divinespark4987
9 ай бұрын
I'm no licensed specialist, but I can share my experiences and understanding hoping you find them helpful. In general terms, (as I see it) daydreaming is a maladaptation of the conscience to a stress of some kind with which you can't deal at the moment. I can't guess what the stress or stresses might've been for you, but it can be something you either deeply dislike about your life, or something you'd want to change, or maybe an experience you wish you haven't had. You can try to pinpoint the cause of daydreaming through any mindfulness exercises, for example meditation. You can also visit a mental health specialist all by yourself or in a group. I bet you have at least a general idea of what's wrong, so try exploring it. Overcoming can be started right now. You only need professional help to finish it, not to begin (at least unless it worsens to an emergency, which to my understanding is not the case). Try doing sports, hobbies, socializing, doing something new, learning new habits. This is all possible starting this moment and it's always useful whether you know the reasons of your daydreaming or not.
@yuka-coco
9 ай бұрын
@@divinespark4987 Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it.
@angelwings7930
9 ай бұрын
Are you an artist ? Daydreaming isn’t always a bad thing. Creative people daydream.
@suziecreamcheese211
9 ай бұрын
This is what he’s talking about right now. He calls it living in a fantasy world but part of that is day dreaming.
@Heyu7her3
9 ай бұрын
Could also be a symptom of "inattentive-type ADHD". It's one of the disorders he mentions at the beginning. It's also the prevalent form of ADHD diagnosed in women.
@heliofurtado4263
9 ай бұрын
Don't you think that spending a time in a fantasy world might be a psychological necessity, especially when your present life is too hard to bear, and it is much beyond your power to change it, at least for the time being? Of course, we always run the risk of addiction. But it is a necessary relief before coming back to reality.
@evadebruijn
9 ай бұрын
But is is truly a relief? If it enhances your reality, then yes, like coming home from a vacation all refreshed, battery charged. But if it is to escape reality, and coming home is extra unpleasant because of that stark contrast with that paradise like feel on that remote island, then more time spent on that island will not help with having the home life feel less burdensome. To create a life you do not need an escape from would be the wiser long term solution to grow out of being unhappy with where you're at. But I totally see your point of psychological necessity, if it is chosen consciously, temporarily, while main focus stays on what IS in your power/where you have choice and the freedom to choose differently. The thing is these things rarely are temporary, they become a habit, and habits are very hard to break so best not to cultivate them to begin with, as in an prevention being better than cure (I would like to say this to my younger self, spending so much time depressed in bed. An ex-partner taught me how even being on the couch all day is still an important step better than staying in bed when going through a depression episode.) ✌️
@letsreadtextbook1687
9 ай бұрын
Yes 🙌 my daydreaming recharges me thru life. People say they need vacation after hard days at work 😂 well the vacation I need is inside my mind
@Heyu7her3
9 ай бұрын
... that's what he's talking about
@saltiestsiren
8 ай бұрын
Everything in moderation
@Iquey
7 ай бұрын
@@evadebruijnI think fantasy can be a tool to make our lives better, such as creating things and pursuing art because art can be shared in the real world, and that's why the ruling classes always want to suppress the creativity of the working class. If we gave ourselves the time to create shareable different worlds, we just might fight to manifest them in reality and they wouldn't want that.
@ancient_bam
6 ай бұрын
I used to spend a lot of time fantasizing as a child and young adult, especially when I was suffering from a painful untreated illness. I had this elaborate daydream that involved all my friends and all my favorite fictional characters and music, and I'd spend hours pacing and imagining it. I think in my case it wasn't entirely maladaptive-- I'm autistic and it seemed to help me process my emotions about my friends. Bu I think it was also a shitty outlet for my desire to tell stories and explore narrative techniques. Eventually I got serious about my writing again and I haven't felt the need to go back to those fantasies since then. For a while, I thought I was completely done fantasizing, but eventually I figured out I was still using limerence and fantasies about the future to escape-- still not as often as I did when I had the fantasy daydream story, but enough to crush me when reality didn't turn out the way I wanted. With those kinds of daydreams (especially ones about the future) I could never stand to just sit around and think about it--I felt (and still feel) a strong need to try to make it reality. These days, I treat daydreams as signs that point me toward things I might be missing in life. If I'm daydreaming about being in a band, that probably means I miss spending time with music. If I'm daydreaming about moving to rural Europe and hiking for weeks at a time, I'm probably frustrated that not getting enough solitude in nature. If I'm starting to feel limerent toward someone who seems to idealize me, maybe I'm trying to make up for my internalized shame.
@vectoranvil
3 ай бұрын
You can get by pretty well in my rural country of Bulgaria, especially if you have income streams from your place. Rural houses are so cheap they are almost for free, after some renovation you can grow your food. It's lush like Naboo.
@violetwilight
9 ай бұрын
As someone who's battled for years with nearly destroying my life through escapism and gaming (especially MMOs), I thank you for this. It's given me a lot to think about as I work to rebuild a real life again. It has become so common, sadly. I'd love to see a part two! A huge thank you goes out to you for putting out such relatable content!
@cybermangaka
7 ай бұрын
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live"
@726fhd7ywhjjfuudik
9 ай бұрын
Ive spent way too long in fantasy worlds where im being atta ked and simulating fears and fights and such actually taking place in my mind causing me to always dissociate. They feel real and my body responds as such. Always robbing my of mypeace and leading to bipolar shifts. I find myseld becoming volatile. Its a defense mechanism to prepare urself for the worst as if the worst is actually literally taking place.
@patbingsuyaa
4 ай бұрын
Most creative people are prone to having fantasy. But I think the best/ most cathartic works of fiction have a maturity and immersiveness that comes from real experience. If anything, it is the interest in and love of other people that craft meaningful characters. I really urge fellow artists out there to just go out even if it might be painful sometimes, because growth is beautiful.
@isabelle7046
9 ай бұрын
I found that all of those law of attraction/assumption/manifestation related beliefs and behaviors contribute in exacerbating this problem when at the end of the day as you mentioned it's about not reinforcing the cognitive deficit already in place.
@sc3ku
9 ай бұрын
I very much relate and also call for a part 2!!! Daydreaming heavily each day since feeling trapped during childhood emotional abuse, with much fantasy interaction. Realized my seemingly inescapable internet addiction/escapism this year is another extension of that and determined to start working to break free.
@Shiamirei
9 ай бұрын
I wonder if there is a way to spend a healthy amount of time in a fantasy world of your own creation when you’re a writer who creates fantasy worlds? I can see how it makes my life harder sometimes but without that creative expression I wouldn’t be living my life to the fullest.
@suziecreamcheese211
9 ай бұрын
I don’t think he means having a good imagination.
@TheKrispyfort
9 ай бұрын
My mother literally taught me how to dissociate and escape into fantasy when I was 5yo. Not an exaggeration, not a euphemism. Sat my-5yo-self down and gave me detailed instructions.
@jeepgirl8800
9 ай бұрын
I’ve gone down too many rabbit holes. Finding the truth that I don’t necessarily need must be my escape. I’m barely working. Found mold in the home removed. I’m in a constant anxiety now and have a fungal infection. Can’t even barely answer the phone. Then I stress about money. Not taking care of myself, feeling stuck and burnt out. People used to be drawn to me and now I don’t even want to be around me. I know I can heal but don’t stick to what I should be doing. I want my spark back but for once I want something easy. Thank you this resonated with me.
@probablypoetic8759
9 ай бұрын
I guess even if you're just wishing that people were different than they are or the world was different than it is, would you fall into this fantasy world idea? I've never been addicted to video games, anime, or anything like that, but just being isolated and wishing things were different in relationships and the world tends to come up often. I'm trying some of your techniques for depression/anxiety. So far, they are helpful. I made myself go to the family gathering yesterday and actually had a decent time. Thanks, Dr. Scott.🙂
@SideB1984
9 ай бұрын
This is my experience as well. Magical thinking. Wishing the world would be different, more accepting of autism and disabilities. It involves a grieving process. I almost feel like I have a complete block or resistance to fantasy world, having very little imagination and inability to visualize (aphantasia).
@evadebruijn
9 ай бұрын
This is huge: I made myself go to the family gathering and actually had a decent time These successes need to be celebrated for the lived experience is the only sustainable incentive to stay on track, so here's to you 💪🥳👍‼️
@inspirony229
8 ай бұрын
Dr. Scott, thanks so much for your videos. I just found your channel. I feel like you are exactly expressing what I feel at the moment. I just came back to my hometown after a long time staying abroad. In that country, I had a hard time integrating myself because the culture is really different from mine. I am a very creative and imaginative person so that I sometimes lived in a fantasy world before, but abroad I really distanced myself from everything and was all by myself for a long time because I felt I don't fit in. Now that I am back home, I often have the feeling that the real world is flawed and surreal. I am now searching for jobs and sometimes think that this is not real. I often had the feeling that I am loosing my mind abroad and now here too. I never realized that I might have built a fantasy world for myself because I am very sensitive, and the real world can hurt me severely. Maybe you can make a video on how to stay "sober" and/or how sensitive people can still survive in this world. 🙂
@RemyNas24
9 ай бұрын
Wow finally someone addressing this,,,, daydreaming is a symptom!!!
@reglook1
9 ай бұрын
To the 50yr old Afraid of being a cat lady /not a bad thing to help homeless cats, IT can be so rewarding. It an be a challenge at times, u Always have a reason to get out of bed bed.
@sherryf
9 ай бұрын
Hello! Im fairly new to your content.🙋🏼♀️ I've never heard anyone talk so clearly about the fantasy world and how it keeps us from really engaging with friends, life or in particular, romantic relationships because we've conditioned ourselves to be disappointed by real people. It helps so much hearing someone talk about it that also has experienced it, not just studied it in books. Happy New Year!🎉
@juancarlosdelgado7791
9 ай бұрын
THIS has impacted me and all of us who have perhaps lived under that heavy rock and we felt “alone”, yet normal to live that “way”. I, with a ton more viewers, highly suggest to continue on this topic. The last two minutes while obscure to find “methods”, it is something I am dealing with as I go thru a divorce. This comes from a true sense of feeling: the day or moments you realize imagination didn’t work SUCKS to no end. But the days/weeks after those two days have been awesome, if that is even allowed to describe by. I am NOT even close to being “me”, but reading books, exercise, saying “no”, has helped. Whatever any of us does to stop this “addiction”, I wish you all success, from my sincere side. Doctor, please I beg you kindly to consider more in depth on this topic. You are a hero by bringing this out. I feel shame I have lived that way, but to hell with that addiction. Thanks, jcd
@elliejhs24917
9 ай бұрын
Thank you so much! I've been doing this since I was a teen, and I'm 41, my life is a mess. I'm the cautionary tale, I feel like I'm losing grip on reality so hard that even when I try to do something to improve my actual life, I lose precious hours imagining possible outcomes. Please help us with a second part on how to stop. I'll be doing my best to avoid daydreaming from now. Also, I'm going to stay tuned in for any resources you can give us. Thank you again. Ps. I'm starting to read your book.
@CMoore8539
9 ай бұрын
Totally on point Dr.! Especially the part about Attention Span. Also communication skills go down the tube literally.
@megscott222
8 ай бұрын
Great research right here. This is such an important topic that completely gets ignored. I'm just amazed you didn't specifically mention adult content. That's a huuge issue with modern relationships. It's so very sad.
@SLefd
7 ай бұрын
That surprised me too.
@leonasandich2682
8 ай бұрын
The most important video I’ve watched in a while. I lost so much in 2023 due to my living in my fantasy world. Thank you so very much❤
@saracarlson-kringle
9 ай бұрын
This explains why the movie trope of a person getting hypnotized or knocked on the head and waking up as their favorite hero or fictional character are my favorites. Somewhere between age 3 and 7, I decided 'these are definitely NOT my parents', and perhaps I wasn't from the area where I lived, and that I was WAY different and sometimes invisible...and yes, it went into I'm possibly not from this time period, or planet - or maybe I was a lab experiment that got away, as I headed into my teens. That topped off with my parents raising me in a rather unpopular cult, as the cherry on top - so, not only am I different, now I get to be openly disliked for that. I'm 59, dumped the cult some years back, and still don't fit in anywhere somehow. Either, I'm not 'free willy' enough, or I need to be in someone else's religion. I recently listened to a podcast about possessing 'quirks' and embracing them, and seeing who shows up. Giving it a go...I live in a relatively small community so it's not surprising to me that I live in a 'nest' of people who are desperately uncomfortable not 'belonging' to a 'family line' [that 'founded' this area in the 1800s], a religion, a local group, 'friends' who all do the same thing [which around here involves drugs and/or alcohol at some point in time/if not all the time]. In 2021 at my dad's funeral, none of the cult attended - but his old buddies and family before the cult came, and here's the flea they put in my ear..."God, your dad and I had some times [aka drinking and sleeping around]! Then he went and joined that damn religion! " [which didn't stop dad any from 'having some times' with his friends on the sly]. Alrighty then! And thank you for 'barfing' your beef with him, on me. Same with his relatives...before it was all over somebody had decided that my mom had done him in. If anyone feels warm fuzzies for these people, they live at the tippy top of Northern California - you can't miss them - it's like they're all inbred. But I'm the weirdo. Just remember that. I don't mind flawed human beings - I mind toxic flawed human beings. I happen to be a really good listener, and people tend to tell me everything - and because I'm listening and holding space for them to 'get somewhere in their thoughts', they assume I'm agreeing with everything they're saying. And I don't. I'm not their therapist, I'm their dumping ground. When I share, they are either floored, can't hear it, or start fixing me. Long story long, I need a lot of recovery time, all the time.
@clarkbruce_exmuslim
9 ай бұрын
One thing I've learned from all of my addictive/fantasy tendencies (gaming, masturbation, music, weed, sugar, Islam which I'll get to, shopping) is that they can also involve some engagement in reality; in friendships and social situations (i.e. peer pressure), also in volunteering. Another thing can be that a new addiction serves as a sequel to an old addiction, meaning that the main reason the person can't kick the habit is not because he fears withdrawal, but relapse into the old addiction (e.g. Methadone replacing heroin). Speaking of friendships; that's very often the greatest cost if you kick the habit, hence you keep going. I think many people know these days how dreadful loneliness can be. As much as games can be addictive, I have to believe that had it not been for games, many people would've instead turned to drugs/alcohol, suicide, crime (in real life as opposed to in many games, e.g. for excitement/adventure). Thus it ain't really the games' fault. One thing that's never brought up by therapist circles, but I think should be, is how car dependency has impacted North America: Lack of daily movement, obesity, less daily exposure to people (due to lack of public transport and walking/biking), car costs, pollution and climate change (hurricane Katrina, wildfires), bigger roads and parking lots, less room for nature and useful facilities etc. It's hard not to believe that's caused some additional depression in many lives. Being from Sweden; I've been very exempt from all that, except for climate change to a degree. After having compared all of my tendencies after listening to this, I have to say nothing comes anywhere close to Islam. Why? Well, this could apply to any religion, but Islam is what happened to me. It all started with peer pressure in 2015 and seemed harmless. I'd been thinking about Islam for many years prior without knowing much. Turned out I knew nothing before, cause now my whole life turned upside down never to be the same again. Like any religion, I couldn't question my new-found faith nor leave. It became all about heaven or hell; this life didn't matter, it's just a test. The only thing that matters is following the religion correctly regardless of consequences. At first I wasn't trying to escape anything, but now I had to simply not go to hell. And this was pushed steadily by scholars; I wasn't just living in my own head. I saw my life fall apart and I desperately wanted to go back again and pull it together, but Islam wouldn't allow me. Eventually my own body wouldn't allow me to continue with Islam fully. It came just in time in 2020. Now I had debilitating chronic fatigue for the years to come, once again hooked on games and masturbation like when I was a teenager. At first it was all "Qadr Allah" (God's plan), but realizing gradually that Islam had caused all this (masturbation is haram btw, but I've never used porn for it), I left in September 2022 and never looked back. I automatically lost interest in games in late 2021 already and I've cut down on MB just recently. The thing about Islam is that I firmly believed I was engaging in reality. During those years I hardly ever gamed much less MB'd. Only recently I've realized Islam was all a fantasy, an addiction in fact. Gaming and MB made me in fact get back to reality in the given circumstance, sharing those interests with many others online, eventually wanting to be more outdoors around strangers and crowds. It taught me stuff I'd otherwise never learned, and thus I can apply that to reality (let alone post this very comment) instead of just escaping it all. You should definitely do a part 2 on the subject of fantasizing.
@charmedprince
9 ай бұрын
Dr. Scott, you are a very special man talking about vulnerable topics. Thank you .
@finch600
9 ай бұрын
31, spent years of my life living a daydream, hyperfixating on fictional characters and that, even feeling emotions through them. As I've healed Ive relied on it less and less and I tend to just daydream when I want to pass time. It gets easier
@paulgibson9936
Ай бұрын
Thank you, I've just tried connecting with friends when I tend to get lost in, say distractions. They are busy (friends) but it's a step forward I feel. Always feel enlightened whilst viewing
@katherineprice96
9 ай бұрын
So helpful!!!! Thank you sooooo much for your presence and sharing this!!!!! I love the analogy to getting sober and living in real time confronting things head on...so hard and your sharing your journey is encouraging!
@maureendrozda9960
9 ай бұрын
YES! AND - On The Flip Side - SOMETIMES The CREATIVITY Of Escaping Pain Thru "Fantasy" ALSO Draws Creates Great Art & Great Artists! Can't Wait To Read Your Book, Dr. Scott!
@darkangelkate3950
5 ай бұрын
Hello Scott. Wow!! This video really hit hard. But I am glad it did. I am not a gamer, at all. But I spend too much time on Facebook, KZitem etc. What you said about ADHD was also scary for me because my daughter and granddaughter are ADHD. They both spend way too much time on games. Thank you for shining a bright light on this subject.
@ripple_on_the_ocean
9 ай бұрын
I admire your commitment to a metaphor I have actually imagined myself at least doing my taxes on time or even ahead of time 😅
@spectatorsatori1197
9 ай бұрын
I do this though thankfully nowadays it's a lot less prevalent. The thing about these fantasies is that they're not difficult to take to a different direction. let me explain. I was never allowed to express emotions or opinions as a kid so I the only way I could deal with my emotions was through fantasy. The most common type was that I played a sort of monster or otherwise outcast person (usually the descendant of some evil race) and I would be rejected hurt or mortally wounded one way or another. Another was me trying to befriend a person I admired at the time (once again, from an underdog position). In either of these, the goal for me as a character was to be saved by another character or to successfully befriend the person I wanted to befriend, but for the longest time I never let myself get to that point. What I told myself was that anything I would think of would be unrealistic, but in reality people liking me was just so out of my frame of reference that my brain bluescreened trying to imaginine a happy ending for me. Make of that what you will. The twist is that no matter how unrealistic it seemed, I started giving myself a happy ending anyways. Compared to the initial fantasies, these took minutes instead of hours and calmed me down a lot faster so I can almost immediately resume my business in the real world. As it turns out this is how I was able to connect to my wounded inner child. By giving them someone that would save/befriend/comfort/heal them, who is, of course, also played by me.
@NikitaSharma-bs4gg
6 ай бұрын
i am so glad for videos like this- and yes relatable - the moment in 2022 i clearly remember was - no matter how much perfect my imagination would be - it will never give me that memory and experience of life itself that a real moment does - slowly the way my entire brain was working , it understood and went 180 degrees- It was a collective insight from personal experience, lot of guidance and stories through videos and doctors and reminiscing old good memories and seeing how imperfect they were yet good #7stepsToMentalHealth
@peggymerritt9019
4 ай бұрын
100% right! Being disabled & homebound, the only people I interact with are paid Caregivers & doctors. I do stupid things like buy clothes with the vision that I will get better. I will go out, dressed up, looking & feeling good. Waste of time & money. It is a fantasy world, but if I smack my face - saying "No, I'm never going to go out & about." Deep & quick spiral down into depression & GRIEF.
@jasongretencord3326
9 ай бұрын
I started writing my fantasies in novel form. I find that I ruminate a lot less now.
@jenrayn5040
9 ай бұрын
Living with a person who has done this for more than a decade now. It mimics addiction, and it has also been paired off and on with substance abuse. The cognitive effects and negative social consequences are the same. Like addictions, this is a relationship destroyer, although this seems more insidious when it starts as something that appears innocuous until it takes over multiple hours of the day and the person living the fantasy is emotionally bankrupt.
@derrickedmundson5813
8 ай бұрын
I understand your trying to bring awareness to us who are in this space. Please try to focus on the solutions not the problems. Alot of us feel doom when 90% of the information is negative. It's like trying to motivate with fear. We need solutions not doom
@Lino75
9 ай бұрын
This is just another super great video. I find them all useful and clear. Thanks.
@NooneDoingNothing
9 ай бұрын
The Sims! Totally. I’ve done that.
@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv
2 ай бұрын
Great video Dr Scott. Once a fortnight or so I like to escape in a game for an hour or two. I think it restores my sanity and gives me a break from my anxiety as it's relaxing. My Avatar is blonde, slim and young - very idealistic. All the Avatars are young-ish whereas when you communicate with the people behind the Avatars, many are old etc. I like the option of dressing up my character as I've always had an interest in clothes design and it's nice to get compliments on my outfits or looks. I don't get them in real life anymore now I'm 65, old and fat!! 😂 it's.nice to re-live my youth occasionally through the Avatar. I don't take it seriously though, just the occasional fantasy.
@angiet1683
9 ай бұрын
How do you know my brain soooo well?!?! I’ve never heard another person understand my inner world so well without even knowing me. I’m not religious but growing up my mom would take us to church. I remember that she found a priest that would give his Sunday sermon (I that’s what they are called) and she said that she felt that it always had a message about how to deal with something she was going through that week. That’s how I feel about your videos. I’ll be ruminating about something and then I’ll check KZitem and there you are with a video that addresses exactly what I’m going through. I’ll always comment this, please keep going and making videos. I literally don’t comment on any videos ever. But I feel like this is the least I can do. You are saving lives.
@mattlu5493
9 ай бұрын
Sometimes the fantasy world helps you get through the real world
@u563rick6
9 ай бұрын
Then Change your real world. It won’t be easy.
@curtisrobinson7962
8 ай бұрын
I have not been there done that, but: "Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life." Eckhart Tolle
@Atopico8
9 ай бұрын
I feel this topic needs further discussion. In my personal case, my fantasy world was a way for me to cope with my skin condition and the horrible suffering it has caused me since my childhood until this day. I'm much better now, but not completely. When my condition would worsen, especially in stressful situations, my skin would itch and then get injured. And sometimes my skin would get so dry that even physically moving my body would hurt me. Now, imagine a child or a teenager going through school, being made fun of, physically hurting, and having no energy to explore further relationships. The only thing you want is to find an isolated corner so you can manage your suffering in peace. That was me. So, yeah. My fantasy world was my way to escape. And while I understand the points you made in this video-I see myself in some of them-I feel that the fantasy world is not necessarily just an escape tool. For me, it was a sort of filter, a buffer, so I could understand the real world better at my own pace while, at the same time, managing my own feelings towards it in a safe environment. Each time I would see or read about a fun, deep, or interesting concept that I didn't fully grasp, I would try to adapt it and integrate it into my fantasy world so I could "study it" in a safe and familiar environment. While sometimes I imagined myself as more powerful than my real self, sometimes I imagined the exact opposite. Sometimes, depending on my mood, I would choose to incarnate certain characters-weaker characters, morally questionable characters-throughout certain scenarios that I had built inside my head, so I could develop my own empathy, try to understand their side of the story, and work out moral dilemmas. Each time I got emotional towards someone or something, I would have the perfect scenario of my fantasy world ready so I could vent without harming anyone, including myself. I would do this while listening to loud music. Note that I would often hurt myself, scratching my skin violently and getting injured. But my fantasy world stopped me from physically harming people. I would remember the moral dilemmas of my fantasy world and its consequences, and that was often the sole motivation I had in order to stop myself before I would put someone in the hospital. All this in order to work out and manage real-life people and situations. My fantasy world offered me a place so I could reflect on all of it. In a safe, free-of-judgment environment. I've recently come out of my fantasy world. It's overall appeal started slowly vanishing in 2022. And I've made my peace with it, and I'm grateful for it. I don't feel like I've wasted my life. Quite the contrary. It bore fruit. People in my life often comment on my maturity, praise my perspective on things, always tell me that I'm a good listener, and often seek my advice. I feel that I own a great part of that in my fantasy world. It was my instrument of choice for self-development. You brought up the lack of social skills and relationships and their impact on real-world experience. Well, for many years, I often felt behind in life as I watched my peers and people younger than me already settling and accomplishing things in their lives, like marriages and kids. And I recently realized that I don't value any of that. To be clear, I think some married couples and kids can be some of the most beautiful and wonderful things in life. But I realized that the more I think about doing either of them, the more I feel that it's not for me. I have several reasons for not wanting to raise a family, but that's a whole other story. My point is this: What can one do when real life fails to provide you with people or an environment that can either nurture you or pique your interest at a particular point in your life? To be clear, I'm not talking about situations where you spend so much time on escapism that you forget to develop yourself. You entropize. I get that, and I fully agree with that. What I'm talking about here is when the same people and environment that surround you don't mean anything to you. When you don't perceive anything of value coming from them, you feel that they aren't worth your effort anymore. After you tried over and over to connect and socialize, you realized that the best of some people is just mediocrity, and you're not interested in it. And yet, when those same people and societal norms demand your conformity and you feel you're getting entropized and crushed by this social game that you don't want to play, but if you refuse to play, you get punished by your peers, and, all the while, you feel that your unique potential is getting squandered because you fail to find someone or something that can nurture you, even if that potential is something as simple as a different perspective or something that is not understood or doesn't fit society standards. Where, I ask, does that leave you? It's no wonder many of us escape to our fantasy worlds. It's our sanctuary to escape the forces of entropy. It’s a tool that you can use to either nurture or entropize yourself further. Again, this is not to downplay or underestimate the points made here. I just feel that, to repeat myself, this topic needs further discussion. I would love to see a part 2 of this.
@DenebolaWhytestar
5 ай бұрын
I think it’s fitting yet bittersweet that I watched this in the first week after the loss of my (toxic) mother. I've been a mental escapist for the majority of my almost 52 years. It’s going to be tough to build a healthy mental state and happy single life, but I both want to... and need to. This was one more very big truth bomb added to the arguments why it's so important that I do. Thank you for not shying away from difficult and painful truth. You are like few other counselors out there because you understand from personal experience what it’s like to be at unhealthy, absolute rock bottom.
@ladysparkymartin
9 ай бұрын
I wish I lived in a fantasy world. But I know that wouldn’t help my reality. So gratefully, I haven’t stepped off that other cliff yet. 🤷♀️
@valerieheilman3184
9 ай бұрын
Dr Eillers, I have a question. What about people who are using meditation and spiritually for what they think is balance? Aren't they to somewhat escaping their reality, focusing into another reality? Just a question, not a judgement of anyone. Asking because my spiritually is to a large extent my strength and balance, but I also have to be very careful because I could stay in meditation all day if I didn't restrict myself. So my question is, can that be something that can cause you to have unrealistic expectations, because your spiritual world is so much better?
@shebacynn1320
8 ай бұрын
Wow you cover most things people don’t so glad you’re sharing your insights. I know what disassociation feels like.
@nicholasgoh3526
9 ай бұрын
Great topic that is seldom discussed. I used to have bipolar and one of the symptoms is having grandiose fantasies and having out of proportion confidence and optimism from those fantasies. Now I look at life as a single player game. Everything from work to relationships is a game. Those fantasies in my mind have turned into sort of fantasy games. I choose my games and I play to win.
@Nevernow721
8 ай бұрын
Nobody "used to have" bipolar. There's no cure. If you have bipolar, it doesn't go away. You might be less symptomatic now but you still have bipolar. IF you were correctly diagnosed by a psychiatrist or a very good therapist.
@nobodysgirl7972
9 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for all your videos and the personal experience you share. Sounds like your wife is a wonderful person as well btw
@christiannasoumakis1653
9 ай бұрын
1) Absolutely true! I have experienced all of these costs to some extent. Of equal importance, my paracosm, like JRR Tolkien's and those of many other artists and writers, is a source of inspiration and a "training ground" for real world issues, including recovery from trauma, visualisation/affirmation, catharsis, etc. I am SO grateful for my paracosm, as well as for the incredible effort it took to separate from it, as from an over-protective parent. Now, after a significant struggle and growing period, I can engage with it in a healthy, creative, non-addictive way that fuels my art and writing. 2) Petition to rename "maladaptive daydreaming" to "immersive daydreaming" instead. Less stigmatizing/judgemental imo. 3) You're 40?! You look great!
@don-eb3fj
9 ай бұрын
2nd "immersive daydreaming" not only because it's non-stigmatizing but also more descriptively accurate. This is often an automatic defensive adaptation formed in very early childhood as a psychological adaptation to attachment injury and other psychological or physical abuse when the ONLY response possible is to immerse one's focus within an inner landscape- the daydreaming part is the mind's attempt at problem-solving within that environment and when those solutions are tried out in the real world it's called play. The "maladaptive" parts here are the necessity of psychological flight and the lack of a safe supportive environment/others to play with- those deficits unfortunately are NOT mere fantasy. The "real" world is little more than a commonly-adopted fantasy overlaid on physical reality, a "game" of too-real consequences and little reward in which the players will often kill each other for the right to impose their own fantasy of "the rules" on everyone else. For those who have learned from experience and choose not to "immerse" themselves in it, the only choice left is to immerse ourselves in our own safe playgrounds where we don't have to be afraid of conflict over whose fantasy is right.
@suncoco6495
9 ай бұрын
I wish I could like this more than once.
@joanfolds476
4 ай бұрын
The story of "Cinderella" caught my attention as a little girl. That fantasy followed me through my forties. I'm 67 and have been engaged twice (@ 39 and @ 55). However, I'm still single. But, I've accepted my reality. Nevertheless, my distress tolerance is low. It's very hard for me to deal with conflict.
@emilyhaggard4420
5 ай бұрын
I do admire your courage to share your personal life with the whole world. Your metaphors are so helpful in getting your points across to your viewers. I have found your wisdom and advice to be very helpful. Thank you for “putting yourself out there” to benefit others.😊
@debbysimon120
9 ай бұрын
I look forward to every video you post. It helps me so much! I pursue unrealistic goals. I daydream, I make up daydreams in my head that make me happy, and then I have to hit Reality. I am an artist (amateur), I keep dreaming I will get better, but no matter how much I try, it is grueling, which makes me want to QUIT.
@dawnjohnson8739
8 ай бұрын
Just at the beginning of the video - yes, it makes sense that the very thing helping can turn into the problem. I guess it’s the same as as coping mechanism in childhood that are problems in adulthood. Really glad Dr. S is addressing this. Thank you.
@jonransdell
8 ай бұрын
This probably falls under misallocation of resources, but declining physical health issues is a possible consequence of spending too much time in fantasy. I'm type 1 diabetic, and I've been allocating literally all of my resources to fantasy and not taking care of my diabetes or any other aspect of my life. I'm only 30 years old, and I've already got erectile dysfunction, hair loss, stage 2 peripheral neuropathy, stage 2 retinopathy, and also periodontitis.
@GiftSparks
9 ай бұрын
Gosh- I LOVE your channel. What about “manifesting”, which seem to involve a healthy imagination to envision the type of live and accomplishments in your goals? This seems to be a form of fantasy as well.
@robertashaffer3950
9 ай бұрын
Hello from Montreal, Canada! Looking forward to this Dr. Scott!
@Nelson-lh2bk
4 ай бұрын
Could you make a video covering strategies to overcome this problem?
@joelkong9060
8 ай бұрын
Stumbled across your channel and I have to thank you for creating these contents. They are tremendously insightful and it nails the issues on the dot. I've been struggling with these symptoms for many years and I'm actively searching for solutions. Thank you Dr Scott. Hailing from Malaysia.
@noone-ol7nj
7 ай бұрын
I've started daydreaming when I was really young (kindergarten age) and it became maladaptive a bit later cause I've been bullied a lot at school and wasn't really close to any of my family members... Had a lot of issues and have been labeled as lazy or useless, I just really needed to feel accepted and safe. I'm stuck now, I'm 26 and I'm afraid I'm way beyond repair. Anytime I've tried not to daydream for a few days I had terrible issues like hearing my voice coming from another place, not recognising myself anymore, seeing fog in my room and feeling like a zombie... Do I have any chance? I don't know what to do with my life anymore...
@dianadeejarvis7074
9 ай бұрын
Can we go back to the wood panel backdrop please? There was something soothing about it. The diplomas, picture frames, etc. are too distracting.
@onesunnyday5699
6 ай бұрын
There was this song "Angie Baby" about a girl that disappeared into a song with her perfect boy. I wanted that so bad when I was a young teen.
@michelekurlan2580
4 ай бұрын
Living vicariously has been my escape hatch. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Opt out of living, you will be excluded, watch the "party" thru a keyhole. There are ALOT of novels waiting to be written by dreamers. Thankyou, Scott, for lighting the fire under our collective butts about this matter. The part about atrophied social skills is an owie. Kinda kicks me off of my cloud
@elf10
9 ай бұрын
Some thought provoking content in the video ❤ Thanks so much! My personal 2 cents is I think 1 key consideration is understanding one’s motivation behind watching movies, reading novels, etc. For example, I think there’s a huge difference between hypothetical Person A who watches movies endlessly for the sole purpose of escapism, as opposed to Person B who watches movies endlessly as an art form, say, to study the filming angles, lighting, etc. - both are engaging with the same media for the same period of time, but for different purposes. I understand it’s different for each person (e.g., varying motivation and threshold between healthy and less healthy consumption of various forms of media, where you have talked about the latter but less so the former), but I think some people (e.g., some creatives/artists) may have a somewhat different relationship (at least in some ways) to consuming media, in terms of both motivation and their “threshold” or “line.” I suppose what I’m saying, perhaps inarticulately, is perhaps understanding one’s intent/motivation behind a behaviour is another key consideration in deciding what is personally healthy or less healthy, which is of course a highly individual decision ❤
@MrTastelessVideos
8 ай бұрын
Thank you for having started and still maintaining your side gag.
@felixishere9933
9 ай бұрын
Wow. I came back after a while because thanks to your earlier videos I have had some changes in my thinking and my life has been better. But the topics you cover are surprisingly relevant and useful, I thought about this but 1)I couldn't process it thoroughly, and 2)maybe because I don't play games, or use any substances, I was lying to myself a little bit that I didn't get affected by my escapism. Now here I am learning more about myself!. I'm listening for the 3rd time and taking notes to reflect on this further. I'm waiting for part 2 if you will make it. But realizing these things is already so helpful. Thank you for the truth bombs, Dr. Scott. 😂
@ellahopkinson
4 ай бұрын
I used to do this a lot when i was younger and it was fine- i used movies books and shows to escape the pain of my real life, and learnt to socialise through characters (I'm autistic) but recently it's been causing me to feel very depressed after watching or reading something because i get so emotionally invested in the story and characters that i am almost grieving for them not being real- the comparison of my real life and the fantasy world is awful, i never used to feel that way when my life was objectively worse but for some reason lately the peace i get from submerging myself in the fantasy world is far outweighed by the depression of my real world, and i am sad about losing my ability to simply enjoy these fantasy stories because they were so special to me but it's like they just keep 'triggering' me lately. I am going to try watching or reading less- i think the overwhelming emotions are not helped by the easily available binge content, hopefully if i limit my use of this escapism it can be in balance with my real life instead of causing me so much pain. Thank you so much for talking about the struggles lots of people have and making us feel less alone
@EricHarris2309
9 ай бұрын
My fantasy world is you tube so I guess this is goodbye, Dr Scott. My fantasy is my nonexistent you tube channel and also leaving comments on other people's KZitem videos. 😂
@minimal13579
9 ай бұрын
I’ve been trying to work on this for the past months/years but I’m really struggling. The real world is exhausting but also boring. Do you have any strategies to share for how to reduce or rather regulate this? I think I’m already benefiting from having realized the effects of idealization. What I’m really struggling with is the ADD part where I can’t be productive and actively work on my goals because I’m constantly somewhere else. I wish I could have control over when to daydream/escape and when to be present.
@kdjourney51
9 ай бұрын
Ooff- Oooff- thanks for the candor. That hit in the heart center. The atrophy makes sense.
@ShanDog47
5 күн бұрын
As an only child I have lived in my head in my fantasy world most of my life. It saved me as a child but it doesn’t serve me as an adult. Letting it go is difficult though
@melissaguevara724
8 ай бұрын
Wow. This video really hit home. I have been doing this a lot. Not with like video games but in my mind. Thank you, this really helped!!!! Your videos are helping me so much!
@leathewolf
9 ай бұрын
I developed a rich fantasy life that reinterpreted everything I did, while being bullied to the point of considering suicide. Over the years, I've stopped reinterpreting real-world life, but have several alter egos and spend a lot of time there, even though I have nothing to escape. The MMPI diagnosed me as schizotypal-- which means exactly what I just described. I could have achieved some of what I wanted if I'd taken a different track in life. But I made all the right decisions for good reasons. I've realized though, that if I had it all, there are many downsides that I ignore. When I heard "the mind is a comparison machine", I realized that I was indeed feeling inferior because I don't match up to my fantasies. I'm now turning my fantasies into a fantasy novel, so they're actually useful.
@MitsyWuzHere
5 ай бұрын
It's funny, I've found peace recently re-engaging in a fantasy world through the game Valheim. Thing is though, I was ripped away from my old fantasy world(s) when my mom died and all my electronics got stolen shortly after. So I agree there is definitely a balance to be struck because staying in the muck of IRL can become unbearable sometimes, but of course I wouldn't want to neglect it at all.
@homiekeen23
6 ай бұрын
Solutions? After we've been doing this our whole life? 🙏 💪
@peggymerritt9019
4 ай бұрын
My real world is always sucky. Great anger that my illness chains my Hope! Drowning with brief gasps of air.
@peterclaver5579
9 ай бұрын
It would be great if you could address this for problems that will only get worse (eg extreme burn victim with increasing paralysis). Specifically on the side of meditation and dissociation in such people. This relates to “the dark side of meditation” yet for someone I know in constant crippling pain, it was explained as: Pick either controlled dissociative mediation or uncontrolled dissociation. There is no avoiding it when severe pain is not treated. (‘Not treated’ referencing that in his region medications are not used anymore for chronic conditions) Thanks!
@soonsuicidal
9 ай бұрын
This is so relating to the point that it hurts. 🎯 I have been daydreaming more often lately as I am currently moving on (not really so) from a 9-yr relationship. It has been so hurtful that daydreaming have been my savior and escape at the same time. I have been like this since I'm 10yrs old now 2 decades+ later I am still daydreaming. Even my dog gets confused coz he would often caught me talking when there is no one else in the room. Im not crazy (maybe I am lol) but most of the times I get carried away that I am verbalizing my talks/conversation in my dreamday. Also I realized that I have so many memories with my family, former relationship that I cannot remember (unless reminded) because I daydream sooo often. 😢 Thank you for reminding me this. Truth hurts, but these lies hurt even more. Knowing that none of those daydreams were true. Yes they were comforting and kinder to me compared to my reality but I missed out so much in my life. It wont be easy but I know in the long run it will be worth it. ❤
@sparky955
9 ай бұрын
At 65, I have just recognized my childhood as abusive, physically & emotionally. My ACE score is 7. I’m wondering your professional opinion of childhood/adolescent coping with chronic abuse through the mental creation of a safe & loving family & environment. Your presentation was compassionate & I thank you.
@Yolduranduran
5 ай бұрын
My parents were so demented that they kept us shut away from the world our entire childhood. We could not have friends or contact with people outside of our house. I felt so trapped I could not wait to get out. While I was stuck in that house I would read a lot, it would take me away to another world. As soon as I could I left and started living my life, I loved it.
@JustMe-oo3wm
3 ай бұрын
I fantasize too much about my future but then I do nothing to actually improve it and get what I want. The twist is that my present real life isn't even that bad. I have some things going for me but I still feel like a loser. In my fantasies I am not a loser anymore.
@JoaquinPhi
9 ай бұрын
Wait, wait a second. When I get home at night after a day of hard working, where people look me down in my way home just for my short height and pathetic aspect (which i never asked), with just a few dollars in my pocket I deeply sumerge with my thoughts and have to chose btw thinking about the awful reality ahead of me (that it can't be change) or the beautiful world i've create in my fantacies. Hum! Hard decision. No way! Life is for some of us a missfortune we have to go through and to do it we must seize any tool we have at hand. This video suggest a way out of this missfurtune, there is not. Not for all. Having said that, I do believe that there are people who are waisting their time in those fantasies (people who are blessed with beauty and talents but they ignore that) and everybody should give the reality a chance and in case they come across with a world where thy are just shit well, go back to your minds. Nice video!
@ewmurphy
9 ай бұрын
Hello Dr Scott, escapism is understandable but the construct of fantasy worlds seems nebulous, especially within the context of the mind. If mind fantasies are associated with idealism, are u saying we shd just succumb to the crazy and messy world, forsaking moral values as a benchmark/comparison/guide for our lives, as an example? Realistically, comparisons of sorts across life circumstances are somewhat inevitable, this is part of our human construct, for better or for worse. Does it also mean the strong minded, independent thinking, unconventional or perfectionistic individuals inadvertently slip into a life of fantasy? Life isn't binary, it is a paradox; I believe there are also benefits not treading the path most travelled. Hope you can add more clarity and context to this topic. Cheers
@JeanFrancoisDesrosiers
9 ай бұрын
Yes. Although an eurêka at 1st, this concept seem so broad that it can be applied to everyone. To an extent, all humans find some ways to escape reality sometimes. That's the goal of entertainment industry, alcohol, etc.
@heatherheron-speirs8727
9 ай бұрын
Thank you very much for this talk. It helps me very much to better understand a loved one who I am worried about. It is a special gift.
@fazlic3858
9 ай бұрын
Firstly, I am glad you are speaking about this topic and trying to help those that struggle and use this too much as a crutch. I see you trying to speak with understanding and empathy on why individuals would decide to engage with this action however you also didn't provide any potential positives that it has when it is not overused which made this video disappointing for me. My personal experience on this topic is using this to get by and not commit the unspeakable when i was a teenager. I hated school in every way, I had a different mind set that leaned more into understanding and being at the same pace as adults, I got along well with teacher and could socialise with them rather than my peers. My life was hell and the only reason i am here is because on the way to school, during school and at home i was able to use this to comfort myself, To feel like living and to know what i want and aspire to be. I used it a lot, and i agree on some points however i think a lot of people are aware that its just like a movie, you know that its not real, its just a escape and that's OK. I no longer day dream as much due to other distractions like videos and novels however i enjoy creating my own worlds, stories, dramas and passions to fall asleep, It doesn't keep me up at night. It is a good tool that helped me be more creative, let me expand my mind and let me visualize methods i wish to use and also improve my memory on situations, for example remembering the body posture of someone i liked and potentially using it myself. Don't get me wrong, i don't believe people should only live in their dream world, however if people are struggling having that sort of escape i think is important and better than a lot of other coping mechanisms like drugs, alcohol, smoking, overeating ect. Finding a good balance is important as you mentioned in the video. Just wish there was a small bit on why it can be a good thing if used responsibly.
@purplerobin92
9 ай бұрын
i have been always aware of how much escapism has ben my drug. And I have been working at getting back into real life, but it is hard. I guess....trying to make my life more romantic has helped. Caring about the beauty of the space I live in, the way I dress and look, learning new skills. But my social life si still poor and awkward. I know it's not entirely my fault. I live in a pretty secluded place, in the country, and I'm really shy. I hope to work on that this next year. But fantasy worlds are and will always be a part of me. I just try to make them a part of my reality as well....finding a balance. It's not perfect, and things get really hard I know I will always reatreat a little bit into my safe space, but at least I like who I am a bit more than I did a few years ago.
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