Self-centered, lack of empathy, unpredictable mood, always confuses you and makes you suspect that they hide something from you and lastly they lack accountability
@mavi6068
Ай бұрын
Thanks 🙏
@shantesummers5775
Ай бұрын
👏 👏 👏!
@janedoh123
Ай бұрын
No they have hijacked the empathy word such as a dark empath, it’s compassion that they lack which sets them apart
@nicolajirving
27 күн бұрын
@garycapili9193 It was precarious when he accused me of having a sexual encounter in a public loo with a random guy. I asked if he really thought I was like that. Made me feel like poop.
@noturningback2023
27 күн бұрын
@@garycapili9193 bingo. Exactly 💯
@marialeiva5443
Ай бұрын
This breaks me. You build a life with someone and realize you’ve been holding on to what they “could be” instead seeing who they actually are.
@ARKH76
Ай бұрын
48 years!!!
@palapalak.8907
Ай бұрын
@@marialeiva5443 exactly
@zachgardner2927
Ай бұрын
It's even worse when they're your parent(s)! It's so sad and damaging...
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
i call them wastes of perfectly good human beings, doomed by their own accord.
@TheFreqens
Ай бұрын
The love of potential is one of the greatest downfalls and one of the biggest coping mechanisms. It's basically overpowering hope that things can be better inspite of a harsh reality. This only brings more pain as it false hope and a projection of an inner reality onto people who simply will never be that way. Learned this with friends and family, if someone is unwilling to change they will not change.
@noturningback2023
Ай бұрын
They accuse you of playing the victim when you confront them on their abuse.
@adw6894
29 күн бұрын
this. Victim blaming is their favorite things
@debbiedebster5806
29 күн бұрын
Every time!
@lisaward8216
27 күн бұрын
Yess!! “Ok victim” is something I heard all the time in our ending.
@prettypuppy6752
27 күн бұрын
@@adw6894🎯🎯🎯🎯
@debbiedebster5806
27 күн бұрын
@@lisaward8216 I brought it up, that he always says I'm a victim...he was VERY clear to correct me that I ACT like a victim, I'm not one. He's soooo good to me, where does this come from, etc. He definitely knows what he's saying & why... Total shame spiral
@user-cl5vk2ug4i
Ай бұрын
The worst is when you're sinking and they're almost happy about it...
@colleenshea2293
Ай бұрын
Their greatest moments in life is watching you 'fail' ...
@user-cl5vk2ug4i
Ай бұрын
@@colleenshea2293 Yeah they're always in comparison with everyone and they can't bear you being better at anything...
@dub1951
Ай бұрын
True
@MassageMagick1111
Ай бұрын
then worst is when you're sinking and they ask you to help them.
@vitamia9113
Ай бұрын
we can eliminate the "almost" 😊
@aliza4158
Ай бұрын
The sad part is that it’s a toxic cycle. You always think they can be better. The better you treat them, the worse they treat you
@pierrettebrousseau282
Ай бұрын
That is indeed one of the great mysteries.
@2sides_2everystory
Ай бұрын
This!!
@annacribbs4142
Ай бұрын
The best thing is just to leave them alone. Just don't put up with it
@Mercalons
25 күн бұрын
Move forward
@Mercalons
25 күн бұрын
Yes,leave them alone
@sterntaler64
Ай бұрын
The wonderful moments you get are just a fake show in order to keep you hooked.
@incognito595
27 күн бұрын
Oh, Yes. We know All the Manipulations! Never, Ever, let your guard down.
@cryptaxpt
Ай бұрын
If you are chosen by a narcissist, it is because you are a good person. They choose you because you are so much better than them and they feel better if they can pull you down. So congrats to you! You are a great person an have so much to offer to the world! Losing them is dodging a bullet.
@taymicastro2749
Ай бұрын
Amén 🙏,thank you for saying this ❤
@KP-5928
Ай бұрын
I don't necessarily think that narcissists target "good" people; they target people who struggle with maintaining boundaries and who have a tendency to put others' needs above their own. neither of those things automatically equate to someone being a good person.
@cryptaxpt
Ай бұрын
@@KP-5928 I think they target good people. They want to hurt and control people better than them, because that makes them feel better. They get energy from bringing other people down. They really suck all energy out. Narcissist also hate younger people. They want to suck their youth out of them. I speak from experience. I have seen and experienced it very close…
@cryptaxpt
Ай бұрын
@@taymicastro2749 Your welcome! Hope it made you feel better!
@stasiacromie9584
Ай бұрын
@@KP-5928ok so a person who puts others first is a bad person?
@1SeekTruth101
Ай бұрын
#1 thing is they blame you for everything. #2 is they have no self awareness so they are always right. #3 is they never apologize for their personal attacks & rage.
@scottoz7891
Ай бұрын
Correct ❤
@whitecoffee05
Ай бұрын
Yup sounds just like my mom…
@dk5755
Ай бұрын
They are never accountable. And, total lack of integrity.
@lesliesantos8595
Ай бұрын
THEY LIE AND EXPEXT YOU TO FIX IT ANDDD still trust them and care for them..and when theyre confronted about why its not working...we are made out to be the villain for how weve changed...leaving me feeling conflicted and resentful
@MC-nk6gn
Ай бұрын
@@whitecoffee05 Mine too. I don't talk to her anymore.
@Blessed591
28 күн бұрын
I was on the hamster wheel for 23 years , giving him 110% . . . One day my eyes opened during a phase when he had reverse discarded me . . . He did this often assuming that I could never leave coz I had tolerated it for so long and I had gotten married to stay married . One day he came from work to find me gone . . . Its 2 years since I left . . . I dont know how I came out sane . . . It's been 4 years of insomnia , BP . . . But I am on the healing path now . I pray daily for God to heal my soul wounds and to heal the trauma . . .
@themoontoonshines923
27 күн бұрын
@@Blessed591 you will heal and you made the right choices when closing the door!
@imaginyas
25 күн бұрын
I'm so proud of you. I know how hard that was to do. Please know that you are NEVER alone and brighter days are ahead ❤️
@nikicarrie4071
25 күн бұрын
I have to live through you what did he do when he found out 😂❤
@Blessed591
25 күн бұрын
@@nikicarrie4071 Nothing , he could do nothing . . . It was too late . . . And I told him in no uncertain terms that I was done and NEVER going back . . . I reached the wall . . . And I decided to climb over it and find my freedom . . .
@nikicarrie4071
24 күн бұрын
@Blessed591 I mean did he call you, cry, beg , surprise Pikachu 😮 face lol i need to know. Proud of you btw
@gavinwilliams1687
Ай бұрын
All of their needs can never be met no matter what you do for them.
@Maryjanesassy
Ай бұрын
Exactly
@pearlluber5849
Ай бұрын
Indeed, they expect perfect, and that does not exist in this world.
@nunepcn8289
Ай бұрын
True
@nwabisabeba1678
Ай бұрын
Jesus!
@pearlluber5849
Ай бұрын
@@nwabisabeba1678 Refer to the book of Genesis when the Creater creates the Universe and he it is noted that what He makes is ''good.''
@DarkMoonStarsong
Ай бұрын
Narcissists will ALWAYS play victim, throw temper tantrums and blame everyone else but themselves for their words and actions. No matter what you do or say, they'll never be happy. It never gets better!
@GeriRogers
Ай бұрын
TRUE !! BEEN THERE FOR 50 years. Yeah really. Terrible life. Mentally ill idiots ! Mean as can possibly be Like a devil in them They are really unbelievable!
@kaypud
Ай бұрын
Is this true ?.. I’ve experienced the same with my partner . Who claims to have depression & anxiety but display what you just mentioned
@Soyyomml
Ай бұрын
sounds like my mother 😢
@RH-ul2bc
Ай бұрын
@@kaypudif they have depression and anxiety, they should be willing to seek help to get better.
@amberhoward7807
Ай бұрын
I remember someone asked how do you argue your point to a narcissist and I told them never argue with a narcissist because it will never go good...
@erynkirkwood5046
27 күн бұрын
Imagine being with someone who DOES know you who DOES understand you more than anyone else in the world.... uses exactly that to do HARM.
@Olivia-bl8ez
21 күн бұрын
Yup. My soon to be ex husband was so open to talking about his emotions in the beginning. He made it easy to open up. I told him things I had never told anyone. And then the devaluation phase started, and he used everything I told him to totally discredit any negative emotions I had around anything he did. Even when it made zero sense.
@AB-ec5qv
16 күн бұрын
Yes. YOu think yo can tel them anything and then they use it to hurt you. Always.....
@stephanielee81
10 күн бұрын
Yes. My father-in-law did this. But he hid it so well from everyone else. Nobody would believe it.
@Secretgeek2012
6 күн бұрын
100% My recently ex-wife was more than happy to use and twist every vulnerability, every secret, every childhood trauma of mine, and make up new ones, as a weapon in her rages, with absolutely zero hesitation.
@elainec5333
Ай бұрын
Time passed is not an apology. And an apology by a narcissist isn’t an apology. Don’t be that person’s fool.
@flagirl0315
Ай бұрын
It will be framed they are a victim and they did the best they could do given their trauma 🙄
@tanypie1321
Ай бұрын
Oh, I really like that statement, thank you!
@Anonytubous
Ай бұрын
Apology is not saying sorry. It's validating how someone feels because of what we've done. Telling the other person how it is wrong to hurt them, and how we intend to fix it.. and fixing it. Showing that it really hurt us to hurt the other person, and we truly understand what happened and we want to heal the relationship. Personally, I've never encountered that.
@alpineazalea8029
Ай бұрын
@@Anonytubous Yeah, lots of people don't know how to apologize, it's not a uniquely narcissistic issue.
@LisaSmith-yb2uz
Ай бұрын
I have been, and will undoubtedly be that “fool” again… hopefully just much less often, the wiser I become ❤😌
@lwontherez7927
Ай бұрын
Not only are they not THERE for us during our darkest hour, they may actually BE THERE ONE causing us that most excruciating pain. -and be “spitting” on our pain…that THEY’RE causing!!
@bellaabby11
Ай бұрын
Totally agree with you!!
@taymicastro2749
Ай бұрын
Wouu so true that is sad 😢
@carolinasanchez8541
Ай бұрын
when he sent me to the mental hospital and have me negging to take care of me after I told him it was like I just came out of a heart surgery and you are punching me in the heart.
@deehyatt5173
Ай бұрын
@@carolinasanchez8541- I am waiting for him to try this with me.. sadly I was in the hospital for 8/9days (I honestly can’t even remember 😢) and the entire time my older children had to take care of my animals - he was sleeping at some women’s house - while cheating with two other ones TOO😡- I found that all out almost a year later .. and now 21 of them.. I swear the anxiety attacks and all the panic attacks .. are going to give me a heart attack/stroke. I was just given a workbook to do, but I am hoping to purchase the actual book for myself before I get in to the work book. It is called your body keeps the score and reading some reviews made me seriously want to read the book !! The workbook is good- just need to get my brain FIXED- because I feel like I can’t even focus and absorb information anymore.. 😢😢😢 I’m sending positive vibes to everyone who has suffered or is still suffering 💞💫
@san-rf3jo
Ай бұрын
@@lwontherez7927 it’s a spooky reality.
@kathymc234
Ай бұрын
When I stop giving my narcissist emotional responses, he accused me of having no emotions. I chuckled.
@adw6894
29 күн бұрын
Typical narcissist men, always complaining "women are too emotional", but when you stop showing your emotion, they get mad and angry at you
@Joe_334
28 күн бұрын
I had to stop talking to my mom, because she treats me and my sisters like we are her work gossip. It was crap when my old man had to stay with her when he had the stroke. It was super awkward. Would you allow yourself to be taken in by an ex who says you are always the problem but doesn't mind helping themselves to your money. My mother has been scamming my old man for years. Same happened to my grandfather. He realized too late on his death bed that his new wife was only after his military benefits. She blocked him from his previous family(my dad being one of eight kids).
@Avalonkenton
Ай бұрын
The indifference when something really bad happens is really sinister they just don’t care at all
@Fdgdfdhghjjkjkknnjjh
Ай бұрын
They’re annoyed that you can’t function and serve as previously.
@elainec5333
Ай бұрын
Yes! Thank you for pointing that out. It’s so shocking and painful to experience.
@opticalman6417
Ай бұрын
there only in the relationship for the sex they are not capable of love
@StellaGizzi
Ай бұрын
So true💯
@WonderWoman1984-uy5yn
Ай бұрын
I admitted to mine that I was in such a bad place I'd been self harming. It was painful to admit and I was frightened, he glanced down at my cuts and just said "oh right" like I had just shown him a new nail polish. Then went back to watching TV.
@JustaNobody-j8x
Ай бұрын
Narcissists can really weaponize empathy as a tool for manipulation, allowing them to deflect accountability for their actions.
@lucabisonni6562
Ай бұрын
I understand all, but why i can't let go of her?
@Champman543
Ай бұрын
@@lucabisonni6562 trauma bonding, my friend. Happens to a lot of us
@getin6952
Ай бұрын
They dont deserve emphaty. They dont deserve love either is the hard truth we should understand.
@JustaNobody-j8x
Ай бұрын
@@lucabisonni6562 Trauma bond
@scottoz7891
Ай бұрын
Lacking Empathy. Emotionally Unavailable. Selective Amnesia AND. Master Manipulators. Projection AND Deflection. AND absolutely no Reflection...
@DrSandraAnderson
Ай бұрын
Matthew, please hear me when I say this as a therapist and an individual who has earned a doctorate in community care and counseling marriage and family therapy, you are by far the most intuitive, accurate, compassionate and thoughtful individual to present on this topic. Thank you. for what you're doing for your world and the way in which you do it. Truly phenomenal. I'm grateful. Blessings and love to you and your family.
@KMG829
Ай бұрын
Absolutely spot on. I was so touched by his delivery with such compassion and empathy.
@pammccallister553
26 күн бұрын
Of all the videos I’ve watched on this subject, this one has the most truth and powerful statements!! I lost track of the times you said something and I thought, “Yes!!” I think somehow there is envy involved with their behavior. I’ve noticed this is the motivation behind some of the mean things said or done. They are so insecure, even seeing you have compassion on them makes them feel so ashamed of their limitations, they don’t know how to handle that.
@chachi_is_my_dog
21 күн бұрын
❤It indeed is the best ❤
@stephaniecsp
Ай бұрын
Not only are they happy to let you drown, they'll be the ones to hold you under when you try to surface. Our pain makes them feel so powerful
@lynnwillis4332
Ай бұрын
So well put!
@Joshualuv13
Ай бұрын
Absolutely. It almost feels like you sell your soul to the devil.
@kikindelka
Ай бұрын
Spot on !
@tpink8040
Ай бұрын
Facts!!!
@moesymoe4407
Ай бұрын
Made me cry to read your comment. It’s so true and so very hurtful and worst of all there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. Love is not enough.
@persiancat19
Ай бұрын
Take that discard stage as a gift to get away and live a beautiful life without them . Also no contact ever again for your own sanity !
@cleanslate5313
Ай бұрын
Agree 100% !!
@nehagabhane5679
Ай бұрын
But relation ship as marrige is difficult
@user-qr3le5oz9u
Ай бұрын
That is true but it doesn't feel like it at the time. But now I am glad. Never have to see them or deal with again
@persiancat19
Ай бұрын
@@nehagabhane5679 Yes alot more difficult, but still possible to live your life happy after you get away from them 🙏
@BrendaBaBoom
Ай бұрын
@@nehagabhane5679 Decide if you want a difficult marriage as a full time relationship ….
@theartzscientist8012
28 күн бұрын
Narcissists don’t live in godly integrity.
@free2be748
Ай бұрын
Hits entirely different when you were raised by one, shapes the way you interact with the world and your environment.
@imbolc8024
Ай бұрын
💯
@hilarypower6217
22 күн бұрын
My mother was a narcissist. I'm 68 and I've only just learned about this condition. Everything now falls into place and I realise why I was so unhappy as a child and so damaged. But this knowledge has given me the strength to move forward. A bit late in the day, sadly, but now I'm FREE!
@amarbyrd2520
19 күн бұрын
Yes. Yes, it does. Or raised by two (I was talking about that upthread).
@ainzaida477
6 күн бұрын
Ikr
@alxp-zd1zj
2 күн бұрын
May I ask how that shaped you? Did you get traits from your parent and if so, did you realize this and that this was a bad trait during that time when you did not realize your parent was a narcisist? If you have one or more of the traits mentioned in the video, could you try to expain if it is iust grinded into you? LIke, is it taught behavior and you are just copying without thinking, without passing this by your feelings, or is it a conclusion coming from your feelings.
@laurarinna
Ай бұрын
The broken clock being right twice a day is a very accurate way to describe a relationship with a narcissist! Good respectful behaviour should be a constant...not a once in a while event!
@75adag
28 күн бұрын
Never ever any slightest "I am sorry". But: "You are so much overreacting ! It's always the same thing ! I am tired of it" Thank you Matthew, this is the most healing video I've ever watched on this subject.
@brookeplifts
24 күн бұрын
Even if you do get an apology, they think saying the word “sorry” is enough when it obviously aren’t. Orrrr they’ll tell you “just tell me what you want me to say” so they don’t have to think about how to actually apologize, and instead can just know the magical words to say to you that’ll get you to stop talking about what they’ve done wrong It’s truly disturbing how their minds operate
@FarzyMC
Ай бұрын
When being with someone with narcissistic traits, it can be hard to trust your own judgment because they manipulated you so much. But that being said, one of the most obvious signs you can rely on is: when they constantly mistake your good intentions as bad intentions or manipulation. You know in your heart how you really feel about them, so don’t let them tell you how YOU feel. If they try to paint you as the villain, don’t make the weak mistake of believing them (we’ve all been there and it sucks). Stand up for your truths, and don’t placate their false beliefs to make them stay with you.
@pierrettebrousseau282
Ай бұрын
Thank you for your insightful contribution... which rang true for me. My spouse was recovering from major surgery a while back, and I was doing my best to be helpful (he was mobility-impaired for a few weeks). My attempts at being helpful were met with accusations of being "a control freak", "hovering" and "doing things that HE didn't ask for" (although I knew they would help). I got so fed up with his attitude that I finally said "Fine. I won't lift a finger and take the initiative to be helpful. If you get really stuck, let me know and I'll help if it's convenient for me to do so". (Of course, he then accused me of being a jerk because of my reaction!).
@wendykarle3114
Ай бұрын
It. Is so hard because your constantly questioning yourself. Like wow, I was really trying to help But I just the worst person who doesn't know how to do that? Until you realize you're the same person you always were.It's just a problem with this one . But they are so convincing.
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
does not matter who im with; narc/non narc alike, i never loose track of me, my morals, my convictions, my integrity, for nobody, ever.
@JensRhude
Ай бұрын
The exact advice I needed at the exact time to receive it. Thank you 🙏
@BonnieJean4578
Ай бұрын
You nailed it! After being with my now ex, for 30 years, when he finally admitted his double life, it was just like, "How did I not see this? how could I not know this?" I really did not have a clue. And then, because the reality hit me, I doubted my ability to trust anything or anyone. The world seemed different to me. I remember taking a hike by myself and even the trees and bushes did not seem real to me. Life was not how I saw it. It turned my life upside down. It took years, but eventually I moved on, and now I am remarried to a wonderful man. Could not be happier! I thrived! 🤩
@kingaberlakovich5585
Ай бұрын
They are nice as long as you play their games and don’t question them . Never say no, never have needs and never set boundaries. Then you will be panished. They are brutal.
@tinkerbellUK
Ай бұрын
100%
@mbernesdotter6881
Ай бұрын
Spot on.🙏🏼 I have to write this down .. the mental fog after interacting with one is no joke . YOU KNOW deep down after a while what's going on,but you also feel all their projections and feelings in YOUR body until it shuts you down if you're not careful. It leads to such a state of burnout on all levels of you stay with them and makes you sick you start to feel that you are this awful person they want you to believe that. REMIND yourself over and over that YOU ARE NOT. It's like you have to rewire and heal your brain back to a state you were in before. It changes your brain. But it can be healed. One BIG sign is you always feel drained after talking or being near them and one example can be GUT PROBLEMS like cramps, feeling sick like you're about to throw up. It's your body and soul saying get rid off this toxic being and cleanse yourself. It's like drinking poison. No joke! You also feel tension in your body. So listen to what you body is trying to tell you. I my case I even had dreams that warned me to get out. Like a guardian angel standing beside the road to say, get out let them drive away on their own and save yourself. They can't control you, they can and will hurt you as long as you stay though. Sharing this in hope that it can be helpful even if it only reaches one person
@justynab2806
Ай бұрын
@@mbernesdotter6881so true ,constant tension in my body and soon I want to set boundaries he will kick of and saying he is done and Slag me off ,never apologise and soon I say I am done and have enough they he will start to be calm and nice again to pull me back .
@floydjohnson1617
Ай бұрын
They told me to f* my boundaries. And it will get better when I learn that what’s mines is theres😂
@mbernesdotter6881
Ай бұрын
@@justynab2806❤
@denisemramirez5096
Ай бұрын
"I don't care what season you are in, it is never too late while you are still breathing to take that LOVE somewhere else..." Thank you💓I felt that message loud and clear. 🙏🏽 I am at a crossroads and needing all the support, validation, and clarity to be confident in my choice to move on.
@tonymurray814
29 күн бұрын
Run, don’t walk!!
@maritaberndt6200
28 күн бұрын
Me too.
@Blessed591
28 күн бұрын
I left , but the only person I can love right now is me . I don't foresee myself in another relationship in the near or distant future . . . I am totally drained . . .
@daniellerice9204
27 күн бұрын
Me too!
@Oklahomagirl49
26 күн бұрын
Me too. At 74 years old I feel like I’m in a wasteland. What I never hear talked about though is the rich narcissist and the golden handcuffs that come with that situation. That’s mine.
@freya33
Ай бұрын
This is such a beautiful quote. "No matter what season you are in, it is never too late while you are still breathing to take all of the love that you have and point it in a direction where it will do good and blossom into something beautiful, for you and for somebody else." It makes me think a lot...
@judy5936
27 күн бұрын
That's what made me cry. Tears for the future.
@freya33
27 күн бұрын
@@judy5936 Yes, make it happy tears 😊
@julieseymour3192
Ай бұрын
When he said they treat you worse when you treat them better it was like pure validation. Thank you! Brilliant video!
@annjohnson8437
Ай бұрын
After my mom passed away, my narcissistic spouse of 30 years did not support me at all. In fact, he would make insensitive comments, and he blew 3/4 of my inheritance on a new truck for himself. Lesson learned ... don't ever expect an ounce of empathy from a narcissist or have a joint bank account with a narcissist. 😢
@JessAnonymous
Ай бұрын
Never go into business with a Narc. NEVER
@adw6894
29 күн бұрын
You should have kicked him away since he made insensitive comment on your mother's passing away
@Blessed591
28 күн бұрын
I can relate . . .
@Joe_334
28 күн бұрын
My old man would work long hours. Of course my greedy mother would have access to the account. He keeps telling me that only she had access to their account. She was obviously taking money and making excuses to give it to her brother. The worse part is she really thought it was going to work on me. I was in AIT in the Army. I get a call from her saying her and my sister opened my mail, and tried to get into my account to help pay for it. Must not have gotten the memo that these bills can be paid online or something. Yes, when I enlisted it didn't take long for her to show me off to her unsatiable family. I wanted to just go in and not have to see her annoying narc family. I was able to accomplish this with Trucking--No fanfare. Haha, low status job to the elitard family, who lies about why father disappear...
@AngelOrrandMore
27 күн бұрын
Honestly, never have a joint bank account with anyone period.
@blueskiesatx
Ай бұрын
This is exactly true. It took me five long years to realize I was involved with a narcissist. I was so naive. I had never met one. I was a shell of my formerly strong self by the time I finally got rid of him. He was so angry when I finally threw him out of MY home that he threatened to put a scope on me from a half mile away and shoot me through my sliding doors some night. They are soooo good at convincing you that their actions are YOUR fault and always deny saying and doing things that they ABSOLUTELY said and did. They are masters of gaslighting. What disorients your reality is they can be sooo nice for two or three months and you think “maybe I AM crazy, maybe it IS me” like he keeps telling you. No it’s not you. These people are damaged. You can’t fix them no matter how much you love their good version. You will be destroyed doing that.
@user-my4rp6nt8p
Ай бұрын
So true
@Champman543
Ай бұрын
@blueskiesatx it's just so crazy how many people say they were only a shell of their former self at the end. me too, unfortunately. I had one or two breakups in my life, but never did I feel and experienced this kind of pain, abuse, and confusion. It's a totally different experience.I still have to process wtf happened and who this person was...
@doglover5519
Ай бұрын
@@Champman543 Yes, this is exactly what I'm going through. Do they ever reach out?
@persiancat19
Ай бұрын
Wow you have lived my story for the same amount of years and exactly the same threat (ex military ), Sending you healing vibes
@blueskiesatx
Ай бұрын
@@Champman543 All of us who experienced this had healing to do afterwards.
@MelissaSzarka-cp2cv
Ай бұрын
Once you recognize you are with a narcissist, that gives you insight. Then you can stop blaming yourself.
@renet.3108
Ай бұрын
And you can recognize the bs for what it is and call it out then stop reacting 🙌🏽
@darcieturner5423
Ай бұрын
100%!!! xo
@EvieVermont
Ай бұрын
And plan your escape route
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
not knowing is the worst part of dealing with one. just like a lot of things in life, knowledge rules the roost.
@Scott0909-j7m
Ай бұрын
So true. It was a relief.
@livkind3522
Ай бұрын
Omg. The empathy getting WORSE treatment. Making you think you’re good parts are bad. It’s so horrible
@harpbarham3238
4 күн бұрын
I got him probiotic drinks for his stomach ache ..god the abuse i got. His birthday gifts which were expensive perfumes got abuse ‘why couldn’t you get me clothes’. Awful person.
@Milestonemonger
Ай бұрын
Demeaning remarks disguised as compliments.
@karenbraddock5738
Ай бұрын
He commented on social media to say thank god our daughter had his brains and my looks and not the other way around 🤷🏼♀️
@thomasboyd8480
Ай бұрын
Vailed humor, its a joke and a put down
@Booboonancy
25 күн бұрын
You recognize a backhanded compliment because it leaves you confused with a side of crappy feeling 🤗
@stellablue7435
Ай бұрын
The "ease to move on" is remarkable. They could literally break someone's bones and not only move on with ease but they will completely forget they ever did it. Crazy!!
@lc5666
Ай бұрын
Believing that the bone breaking was the injured person's fault, telling everyone that the injured person actually broke THEIR bones, devising revenge against the injured person for having broken bones instead of "really believing in them" and staying unharmed... And it goes on
@lianehelms2530
Ай бұрын
Great summary of narcissts. Your advises on this topic are gold. Thank you sweet Matthew❤
@shelleyrambleson9198
Ай бұрын
Well they do forget it, but if you bring it up later on, even years later, they will swaer you must have "done something" to set them off or been on their case all day about something before they finally snapped. Nope.
@carolinefabri4919
29 күн бұрын
An illusionary relationship. Twenty years with a narcissist. It took me 7 years to heal from the hell he put me through. Since I have left him nearly 10 years ago, my happiness scale is at its highest. Thank you Matthew for making people aware about narcissism, as it needs to be talked about.
@brandimcmillen4005
Ай бұрын
Eight years with a person that I did so much for, gave my time and energy, made a top priority in my life. This person left me eight days into an emergency hospitalization/surgery that almost took my life and had me in the ICU for 4 weeks. He spent two weeks, after he walked out of that hospital room, sending me vile texts messages and giving me the “reasons” he had to go. Those messages kept coming for 8 months, in between asking me if I was healed now and if we could try again. I told him there was no way I could forgive him walking out on me and then saying awful, hurtful things to me. It’s been one year and I still play the whole thing over in my head each night when I lay down to rest. I am 53. Thank God I didn’t waste another 20 years trying to make things work with someone of this character. I’ll never understand it.
@tothzoltan3993
Ай бұрын
Dear brandimcmillen4005! Good for you that you are now free of such an abusive person. I think, people from the “dark tetrad” kind (earlier called: “dark triad”) in a way similar to colourblind people, of course the difference is that they are not blind to certain colors, but in a way blind to… well, to a lot of emotional things. Thus, they consider you and others, like you consider elaborate tools. They learn to mimic the behaviour what - to them - seems like THE behaviour which, if they apply, they can efficiently get what they want. This works a bit similarly to how a colorblind person can get by in everyday life: The order (and shape) of certain traffic lights can be used to know if I can now walk or not, instead of seeing the actual color itself. Of course: Similarly to how you generally shouldn’t trust a colorblind person’s color vision in case your life depends on their judgement of color, one shouldn’t trust a narcissist in matters which have anything to do with emotions. I know, it is a bit more subtle than this, but I think, for all practical purposes, this is a usable way of thinking. I wrote all this, because you wrote that you’ll never understand it. To me it was also something what I could not understand, and they infuriated me. But looking at it like this, I can emltionally allow myself to see them similar to crocodiles or snakes: even if I mean no harm for them and maybe I can be generous and loving to a crocodile, I will never be able to teach that animal to not see me like food. (Maybe for a while he wouldn’t bite me, but as soon as he is really hungry…)
@cleanslate5313
Ай бұрын
I'm sorry that happened. It's unimaginable how they think they didn't do anything wrong. The gift is you realized who they really are and got away from them. Hard to part with what we thought we had as far as any relationship. It was a situationship catering to only themselves.Thank goodness you weren't married to them and then found out their true colors. It will never make sense but gets easier to not ruminate as time goes forward. 8 years knew, 2 years dated in late 40s, 5 years post narc and zero thoughts of him now. Felt like he stoke years of mine into my 50s. But staying strong, going permanently no contact is absolutely freeing. Grateful to know what we know now is keeps me going in a positive direction. You'll get there.
@luzguerrero1530
Ай бұрын
God bless you ❤
@Von2968
Ай бұрын
I’m so sorry. At a truly vulnerable time for you. Thankful you are free of him now. 🫂
@suemorgan2185
Ай бұрын
It's almost as if Matthew has experienced the hell of being with a narcissist. He is right on all of it.
@robertanna9964
Ай бұрын
Exactly what I was thinking.
@raymondtendau2749
Ай бұрын
Too right. Every single one of them hits home. It's like someone told him about my partner. Very terrible beings.
@incognito595
27 күн бұрын
Of course he has. It's OBVIOUS.
@tobiannfoster3429
Ай бұрын
A rough quote: “The fact that you can be thrown to the curb by the narcissist, as if you never existed, and at lightening speed, is the most disorienting thing of all. “ That is the most accurate description of how I have been feeling. The word ‘disorienting’ is the word I’ve been searching for and even it is an understatement. I feel like no one can understand the magnitude and enormity of how absolutely disorienting and invalidating it feels to have suffered an injustice such as this.
@sbyrum315
28 күн бұрын
I know exactly how you feel! It's like our 27 year relationship/ 25 year marriage didn't matter at all. He was moving on the day after he said he wanted a divorce.
@tobiannfoster3429
28 күн бұрын
@@sbyrum315 Thank you, it helps to know I'm not the only one.
@Phenix-k8g
23 күн бұрын
You gave me some understanding Matthew. Living through this now. Can’t even recognize him anymore. Just got out of the hospital due to a lot of what you explained here. No accojntability. No explainations and just cruelty. Picking up the pieces. While he’s living his life holding my things hostage and I’m re- learning how to walk. Not just mentally but actually physically.
@ginkgo2021
18 күн бұрын
I understand how you feel. So do others.
@anjawilliams6168
8 күн бұрын
You are not alone. I am barely holding on.
@mv6094
Ай бұрын
I have been married to a narcissist for 8 years and we have a 16 years old daughter now. It was incredibly difficult to let go of the humiliation, the pain, the anxiety...as so many of you, I was a wreck for a very long time... My daughter is going through a very tough time, she cannot stand the presence of her father anymore, and has realised so much about him. It is so sad and hard for such a young soul to deal with things like that. Still, we have to deal with the pain he put us through. Better days are ahead, I hope that with the help of people close to us, she will happy, acknoleging all her greatness. We are still undergoing therapy... Love to all of you, who have suffered a relationship with a narcissist. Nothing is wrong with you, you are great, just run!!!
@danielled1720
Ай бұрын
Hugs, you deserve better.❤
@mv6094
Ай бұрын
@@danielled1720 Thank you!
@celinedelarosiere7043
Ай бұрын
I bet you are a great mom. All good to you & your daughter ❤
@themoontoonshines923
Ай бұрын
I ran away with my now 16 year old too. She and I are SO MUCH BETTER off!
@adw6894
29 күн бұрын
Your daughter would have a better life without that narcissist father.
@dianeblach4322
Ай бұрын
I think the lying and deny is the worst trait and then feel aggrieved that you’ve called them out on it!!
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
they absolutely hate being called out, and i absolutely love calling anyone out on their bs, just to see them squirm.
@isabelleboulay2651
Ай бұрын
my ex used to get angry at me if I cried after losing my mother. I knew I had to leave as I realized I was only crying while I showered.
@g1344304
Ай бұрын
“For a narcissist, our empathy isn’t seen as some beautiful quality that signifies our value, our empathy is seen as their ticket to do whatever they want. It is seen as their perpetual get out of jail free card any time they want to get their needs met in any disrespectful or terrible way. And they know at the end of any terrible behaviour they can always rely on, and because of their entitlement, expect forgiveness” WOW. I’m ashamed of myself for putting up with it for so long.
@georgebeierberkeley
Ай бұрын
Yeah, our empathy gets reframed as "being needy"or some sort of weakness. The narcissist won't change ... but you can. :) Best of luck.
@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht
Ай бұрын
You and me both
@Metube-l8d
21 күн бұрын
You and you and me too, but we didn’t know… now we do
@dvssss7372
Ай бұрын
At the most painful moments of my life and catching my mom smirk is the worst feeling.
@MoonfishSparkle
Ай бұрын
That would be my husband smirking at me when I was at my very lowest due to him and his family
@tinabolesful5184
Ай бұрын
Me too I hear you. same
@corey6013
Ай бұрын
Sorry your mom is sick. Treat her as such. Remember your the priority
@cb8597-q6l
20 күн бұрын
@@corey6013 Treating someone as though they are sick requires empathy. DON"T FALL FOR IT.
@corey6013
20 күн бұрын
@@cb8597-q6l empathy partnered with boundaries is key
@sarahstrong7174
Ай бұрын
Narcissistic Personality Disorder started to make sense to me once I realised that Narcissists are literally physically addicted to the chemicals generated in their brain & body when they cause others pain & distress.
@Algie123
Ай бұрын
14:05 Point no 5: It was the night before my father’s funeral, I was a mess and the only adult member of my family left , trying to hold it together…and she started playing silly mind games and then ghosted me that evening. In the last few previous years, I had lost my brother, mother, wife and then father. And she said she was suffering more than me as she had to support me in my grief . That’s when I realised what she was really like.
@davidcoxinparis
Ай бұрын
Wow, every single point resonated with me. What a horrific trap narcissistic relationships are. It takes years to recover, and once you think that you have, you find out that you haven't totally recovered. It's so taxing.
@TH-hi8zx
Ай бұрын
Thanks Matthew! This video of yours hit so close to home. I built a life with a pure narcissist for over 20 years. it was an extremely toxic and abusive relationship. When i first met this man, he was broke and I did not care. He took a student loan, my dad had also helped him financially and asked the bank to secure him a student visa to America. I left my career back in Singapore and went to America with him. I was young and naive then. He really was not the kind person I thought he was. I could not leave because I knew if I left him then, he would not be able to finish his college with not much support. I was soft-hearted, stayed on and thought things would get better. Like you have mentioned, sometimes he was very sweet. So the bad moments just getting worse after he completed college and got a job in America. His behavior had gotten a whole lot worse when he became successful. He would flirt with other women, and likely cheated behind my back. When I found those suggestive text messages and pictures on the shared ipad, he would call me crazy, overreacting and got so mad with me for invading his privacy. I had been shoved, fell backwards and physically dragged out of the elevator by him. I dare not tell my friends and family back in Singapore. Gaslighting was a common practice at home until at times I started to doubt myself. He would get angry and yelled at me for the slightest thing or for no apparent reason. I was humiliated, body shamed among many other things. In the end, I found out he was also cheating with our neighbor too. I am so glad I have finally put this behind me. It is true that he has used my empathy and kindness as his ticket to mistreat me. I have done nothing wrong to this man, yet I was discarded by him when I was no longer of use to him as he became a big shot in Singapore. He is now a COO of a startup company in Singapore. He got away from doing so many bad things, yet I am still trying to recover from the past abuse and trauma. Till this day, he is still haunting me by stalking me on social media; I have suspicion he is still misusing my email. Nobody, except me, knows his very humble beginning, and what a horrible person he is. To me, he is not just narcissist but he is just pure evil. I pray no other woman will suffer the same fate as me with this man. I am still hopeful I will eventually find a man who is genuine, empathetic and kind. Thanks again for making this video!
@Mintychops
Ай бұрын
if you’re a parent or sibling of a narcissist it’s not as easy as ending a relationship. It’s literally a living hell with very little understanding from the outside world
@cracklecreek
Ай бұрын
Yes also if you're a child of a narcissist
@littleDutchie92
Ай бұрын
@cracklecreek imagine being a child of an alcoholic narcissist😢 I've cut them out of my life a year ago and realized he really didn't miss his daughter, he misses the idea of having a daughter.
@itzajdmting
Ай бұрын
This is so true. My father and sister both have this character disturbance. Pathological liars, deeply jealous, prolific gaslighters, grandiose personalities and self-belief.... It's true misery. I think about just escaping to the other side of the world and changing my name.... I seriously might do that one day
@Fonn-ig1hc
Ай бұрын
@@Mintychops I was just thinking , we need to address the issue of women with children With an abusive dad. More understanding please. And how do you help the abused little old lady? People just make things worse. I got a big dog.😁
@Fonn-ig1hc
Ай бұрын
@@itzajdmting I did it once.Drove two states away, Cost 70.00 to come up with an a.k.a. before a judge.
@TembaBallardHankins
Ай бұрын
THIS situation is DEMONIC. PERIODT.
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
i hear the demon thing a lot, and with all the narcs ive had dealings with, ive never seen it. ive seen plenty stupidity/ignorance in its highest degree, but never any need to hit them w a splash of holy water?
@Tammy11768
Ай бұрын
@@lilfairycupcaketammy pinnell
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
@@Tammy11768 hi.
@bbhsgsgsusiizizozozo
Ай бұрын
@@lilfairycupcake I was a very rational man like you but after my spiritual awakening it all became clear. Yes they are agents of the devil and if you live mindfully you will notice the orchestration! Try just to turn to God for a while and they will start to pop up in your life unexpectedly and it will be so obvious you will not doubt because God will do his part of work to show you the truth. God does not want you to perish, yes he is mysterious and vengeful, but trust me, you do not understand the bigger picture. Try and you'll see that narcs are literally chosen by Satan like Jesus was chosen by God. Ps. I repeat, DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Do not be very logical because it's a trap!
@saulescamilla3605
Ай бұрын
@@lilfairycupcakecan’t say if you’re just not close to God or you’re overlooking or not paying attention but whatever the reason doesn’t matter. I’m not saying to trust anybody saying narcissist are demons because some are not even aware of their narcissism, however the ones that are truly know they are evil and don’t care that one day they will have to answer to God. I’ve never heard one say so but their actions will make you believe they can “trick” God into his kingdom and “trick” the universe into not getting their bad karma. They are so delusional it’s insanity what they will say and believe. The narc I used to deal with had a demon in her. You can see their face and eyes turn into the demon inside them. I never thought anything like that was remotely possible. They have many demons in them it’s frightening to look at those monsters for who they really are and you can’t unsee it.
@thebjm1967
25 күн бұрын
Narcissists HATE when you set boundaries. They see it as an attack and will try and make their victim feel guilty for setting them to feel safe.
@michaelporlier8957
Ай бұрын
Their tears aren't for you.. they are for them. Damn.
@annadonahue4119
Ай бұрын
THAT IS SO LIGHTENING TO LEARN.... It's OK to drop the weight of the responsibility one has been carrying of the entire the relationship
@lpirvine
Ай бұрын
Having been married for 20 years and having two children with a narcissist, I can confirm that your message is SPOT ON! Thank you for providing such clear validation to those struggling to "fix" someone who cannot be "fixed." You are wise beyond your years!!
@narckillerinfj
Ай бұрын
Being the opposite sex, I have been there too, add her Being an alcoholic, it was even worse
@LarynxBlue-ds3dg
Ай бұрын
@@brianna-u7q Why was adding the "he has a new gf" part necessary? Of course he is going to move on from you lmao ??? Maybe you were the one making him consume all the alcohol. Men tend to drink alcohol due to overwhelming stress, which you clearly failed to understand.
@dexteregod
Ай бұрын
They will drown you and will blame you for not making it to the surface “for them”. It’s always for them and it will always be your fault.
@sorangelgerardo2019
Ай бұрын
I was with a person like that, I was married for 14 years, I almost lost my mind. One day he treated me like a queen and another like the biggest shit. He was unfaithful to me and I had a son with that person. He has never apologized; and even more so, he dares to say that I was to blame for what he did. Thank God I'm free of such a being. It is one of the most unpleasant experiences that a human being can live.😢
@suzettechristine8609
Ай бұрын
I was in similar situation. Feel that. Extremely hard to trust after putting all ur trust on a person you've been married to 13 or 14 yrs. For them to go live a double life then blame you for that happening. Extremely hard to trust after that.
@sorangelgerardo2019
Ай бұрын
@@suzettechristine8609 it has been difficult to be myself again and trust people, but for my own good I have decided to enter into a process of forgiveness and healing, I have only learned to be patient and understanding that it will take time to be completely well again, since this type of relationship leaves sequels.
@jrddoubleu514
Ай бұрын
And now you reduce him to a single word to make yourself feel better. Dont forget to take some accountability for your own part in the story of your lives.
@tammydietschweiler7852
Ай бұрын
@@jrddoubleu514Are you kidding? Why would she take accountability? Were you there, what is wrong with you? Omg
@jrddoubleu514
Ай бұрын
@@tammydietschweiler7852 Accountability is kryptonite to the narcissistic. That's the point. IF you aren't narcissistic, you actually will look at yourselves in the morror of truth, and not the water of self-deception. If you aren't narcissistic, you know you have/had a part to play, and won;t pretend everyone else but you is responsible/accountable, for what happens, in YOUR LIVES. I'm not kidding. It's fundamental adulthood/adulting. It's what adults have to do, to be adults, and competent parents. If you can't do that. (each of you on an individual basis) You do you. Whatever helps you sleep at night. 'You stayed with him for 14 years, and suddenly he's been reduced down to 'a narcissist'.' Ok. 🤣Has he reduced you down to a 'narcissist' or was he going about his business? (rhetorical) Everyone makes mistakes. Nobody's perfect. (including, each and every one, of you, and that's fine. Learn from them.) It takes two to tango. Many believe themselves empathic, when all you really are, is emotional and self-absorbed. Communicate like adults. (Rather than expecting telepathy and codependence). If there is a lack/failure to cooperate, you know where you stand, and need to leave. If you didn't, it was your mistake, not his. How will you avoid making the same mistakes again? You'll probably make the same mistakes again, if you don't recognize that you did to begin with. It's what makes you human, in the same capacity, that your exes, were/are human. Were you there? No. I wasn't even taking to you. But the point stands. You've all got to reflect on yourselves (inflect). Inner and outer work, girls. He might have already done his, while he was with you, (and other women). What is wrong with you? You should really take a look in the mirrror, behind all the makeup, just once every now and then, girls. If you don't, you'll forever be living in a world of self-delusion. Puppets in a pantomime. 15 years. (Picard facepalm). Man's empathy is how they feed. Independent seed. Codependent feed. Don't hate the player. 😅
@Makeupbykimberlyp
Ай бұрын
Signs you’re dating a narcissist? You’re watching this video!
@jimenatroncoso9124
Ай бұрын
I am not in a narcisistic relationship, but I lost a dear friend because she is married to this kind of monsters😢
@user-nd6zn4jx7f
Ай бұрын
You have described the man I was married to for 45 years until he left me for a high school girlfriend whose husband had died. She came sniffing around after MY husband......but in a sense, I owe her much gratitude for getting him to let go of me.
@Neebles21
Ай бұрын
My mother-in-law. Send help. 😂
@yeeeeeyy
Ай бұрын
My brother
@dcanes5720
Ай бұрын
Would like to hope if some is dating a narc, they would be watching someone more qualified than this dating charlatan
@kernow9324
8 күн бұрын
I was in an insane relationship with a narc for seven years, during which time I completely lost any sense of myself and ended up believing the problem was me. Intermixed with the madness were moments of pure elation where I thought I was loved after all, but then I was discarded one day and then ghosted. It took a few years to recover from that and I have since married a wonderful man who has no narc tendencies at all. Believe me, I've looked! Sometimes it's difficult to believe that there are good people out there who would never intentionally harm you, but they are out there. Don't give up.
@JasonHill-q8y
Ай бұрын
Im 45 years old and this is the first-time ive ever commented or spent the time to let someone on KZitem know how 100% spot on they really were. Its like u described my relationship of 4 years like you were there the whole time. Ive related to things ive seen but you have hit everything right on as ive lived it. From what was said to what was done its like you know the exact words and excuses used from day one. Thank you for taking you time to help people in a impossible situation that makes you questions everything u have known to be right and wrong in life. I know shes a narcissist but you hit everything like u experienced it through my eyes. Your in the perfect position you were ment for. Thanks for all your information it really is something to see someone ive never met know all ive been going through for years. You r a good man
@publicserviceannouncement4777
Ай бұрын
When I told my aunt I was having health problems she responded, "now you know how I felt when I was raising you." Unbelievable.
@fraukatze1147
Ай бұрын
Yikes
@aidanleblanc5448
Ай бұрын
Brutal! So sorry you had to hear that.
@kandice777
Ай бұрын
This is what my mother does, as well
@debbiehopper5288
Ай бұрын
Wow
@satukataja-lf4wo
Ай бұрын
Ugh …gross comment. This behaviour is in my family too. :(
@ashnoel38
25 күн бұрын
When we left my dying Grandmother’s bedside for the last time (he ignored me while there) and he screamed at me for 3 full hours on the drive home while driving erratically, all because I had mentioned wanting to return to the workforce earlier that day…. That was my wake up moment. I left him a few days later. It’s been almost a year of no contact now and it’s been a brutal year of healing because you do cry. You do question your entire relationship. But the healing is necessary. ❤
@Jess-g7k
Ай бұрын
Point 4- he blamed me for catching him cheating and “ruining it between the threee of us”…. I was speechless .. 😂😂
@remarkable937
Ай бұрын
Same here. I approached him and the woman he was cheating on me with and his reaction, "thanks a lot, thanks a lot for ruining this for me" 😦🤨
@haleytruslow7200
Ай бұрын
I’m glad you’re at the point where you can laugh at the absurdity
@jackietaylor3188
Ай бұрын
What?!! Omg!
@jackietaylor3188
Ай бұрын
@@remarkable937😮
@lesliesantos8595
Ай бұрын
@remarkable937 i mean if they fid it to us...and we do it back..they dont like it...theyll rage..i hate the double standards...with a passion trust me...its not right to get upset with a partner who we lie to and then expect them to not do the same back to us. And thats what i got lol and made to feel crazy for it...and insecure asf...until i realized it wasnt right...and havung to explain how its fucked up and how my trust is broken...they will NEVER understand. .and when if they do...itll be too late i suppose...if they do even contemplate it all...
@TammyLeeW
Ай бұрын
I finally was able to stop being abused because I set boundaries. It was painful. But 8 yrs of trying is too many…you would think. But I truly loved until that moment happened. When you know you, you know. You’ll know it has to be finally over. Self preservation
@medpach
29 күн бұрын
I met a narcissist who was married. He was cheating on his wife with many women, I was not the only one. He was absolutely charming, affectionate, generous, cheerful until I found out and confronted him. Again he tried to convince me with more lies...no remorse, no apologies...etc. He consistently needed validation from others (boss, colleagues, wife, friends...etc) Everybody was mean to him, or didn't recognize his accomplishments....etc. After awhile one gets so confused. I began to educate myself about a narcissist's behavior. He fits all the description of a true narcissist. I feel deeply sorry for his wife and his child who are going to suffer a lot living with this individual. Thank you for the video.
@Coolgirl1309
Ай бұрын
The story of my life: raised by narcissistic parents, former partners who were also narcissistic, current "best friend" who is a narcissist too. I found all this out six months ago. I'm currently in psychotherapy trying to heal, because the damage narcissistic people do in our lives is devastating 💔
@stephanieneider3861
Ай бұрын
@@Coolgirl1309 Yep It Is So Very Sad Messed Thinking A So Called Friend Would Hurt You When You Told Them What You Have Been Through ! & I Have Been In Really Bad Relationships In My Younger Years ! & Even Now ! 😢 STEPH 🤓 7.21.2024
@EmzBJD99
Ай бұрын
i can't imagine that at all. Just left a narc 3 days ago who i was with in a ldr for over a year and it was draining and i tried to explain so much why i should be treated better. The manipulation is crazy and does get to you and it is devastating and heart wrenching and for me to have deep love for someone like that. I hope your journey gets better and i hope you find a ''best friend'' that is actually a good person...👋😭
@rutep2901
Ай бұрын
It’s a hard road! Wishing you find yourself and get back on your feet so you can avoid any other narcissist in your life from now on!
@susanmorgan2613
Ай бұрын
Your story is just like mine.😢
@woodyharrelson2624
Ай бұрын
Are you the narcissist?
@Champman543
Ай бұрын
Seven years together. She tried to emasculate me and diminish me. I was always the culprit. Everything was very subtle. I got depressed over the years. Last year, I lost my job and couldn't handle the situation. She said, "Calm down, take your time." Well, she left in February after two weeks of silent treatment. I had two wisdom teeth surgeries that month. She couldn't care less; she was disgusted by me. So she left when I was depressed, unemployed, and in physical pain. She took her stuff, our dog, and went to her mum's from one day to another. Two weeks later, she had her new supply. So, yes, being discarded and "replaced" after seven years, and now treated like shit, can be very traumatic. Edit: Thank you all for your kind words and for sharing your opinion 🙏
@vanessag2251
Ай бұрын
So sorry to hear this!!
@fionasheepwash2718
Ай бұрын
I can identify with your experiences, the ex (16 years married) left me nine weeks after I had life saving surgery, one of his many reasons "things change it's time to move on" ??? Much later found out he was online the night of my surgery looking for other women. Seven months later he texted me that he was divorcing me( he was visiting the girlfriend). He cleaned out our joint bank accounts, lied to family and friends, the irony I am in therapy for what he did when he should be in therapy😂. Thanks to friends,family and work colleagues and a good therapist I am starting to heal.
@Sekouguru
Ай бұрын
Thats tought, terribly sorry to hear that. I had similar dealings. Its actually very surprising how similar these narcs are and their base level. Crummy people to say the least.
@joeoreo2498
Ай бұрын
Stay strong bro. If you are correct about her being a narc then realize she never loved you, narcs don't know how to love. Move on from her. And do not take her back. Keep your sanity n work on yourself. Get your life back together. I'm working on myself after discarding my female narc.
@JohnDoe-fk5ps
Ай бұрын
True this, mine had her orbiters around, posted thirst pictures on her social media and called me controlling when I raised the issue. Women say they want you to be emotionally available , the minute you are you lat this behavior into your life.
@douglasr8036
Ай бұрын
Spot on! Remember, who they show you they are at the end is who they were at the beginning.
@ladyhawke1357
Ай бұрын
"What they do when you need them the most" is exactly what I experienced. When you're drowning, they will throw you something but it won't be a lifeline... it will be a cement bag! Everything you said is spot on and I only wish I'd figured out sooner that I was not a crazy, deranged person but a victim of narcissism. Thanks to caring mentors and educators like you, Dr Ramani and others, I am beginning to understand how I lost myself and how to find myself again. Your videos are incredibly helpful and very much appreciated.🙏💞
@AlwaysHapp1989
Ай бұрын
I have dealt with two narcissist in my life and they are truly bewildering. I have listened to countless videos and read everything I could find on this subject over many years and I will say this video I just found is one of the most well said. It felt like a friend was talking to me in the most supportive way. While the subject is not fun, your perspective and delivery was kind and loving. Please keep up the good work bc there are still a lot of people out there that are dealing with this and still do not know or understand it. Thank you for sharing.
@alxp-zd1zj
2 күн бұрын
2? You mean Kamela and Donald? We all deal with a LOT of narcissists and psychopaths and it rubs off on us all.
@AlwaysHapp1989
2 күн бұрын
@@alxp-zd1zj 🤣well I was speaking of 2 "regular" people in my life, but yes those two, and many others affect us all.
@danielalee7387
Ай бұрын
14:23 they don't just let you drown, they push you down and don't let you come back up
@ces369
Ай бұрын
My husband walked out two days before Christmas. No family Christmas trip, no honeymoon in April, divorce was final in may. I waited 30 days to file. This brought me comfort.
@cha9165
Ай бұрын
You deserve more. I wish you every happiness
@ces369
Ай бұрын
@@cha9165 thank you. The healing process is one hell of a journey ♥️
@acaciajacqueline
Ай бұрын
Thats not really related to Narcissism
@adw6894
29 күн бұрын
It always brings comfort after you leave a narcissist. Glad for you
@jelibra1967
Ай бұрын
Thank you so much Matthew. I will keep revisiting this till I am healed. You capture perfectly the unbelievable irrationality, disconnection and self absorption of the narcissistic individual. But point no 1 is the clincher for me. It’s the contradictory nature of them that keeps you invested in them. In the good moments, I believe we see the person they might have been if they’d not been damaged in their childhood. The mistake is to think you can help them heal but you can’t. Their brains have been wired in childhood and no-one can rewire them. It’s too late. Thanks again Matthew. Helped me a lot.
@doomnoises
Ай бұрын
We usually don’t know that we’re thinking that until we have some experience or time to reflect. Most of us have no idea what’s happening at first. The person takes you on an emotional roller coaster. Years later you might find yourself tolerating a situation with a parent and thinking it will get better. It doesn’t.
@alxp-zd1zj
2 күн бұрын
Why do you say no one can rewire them? Did you omit the therapists? Or do you feel they are useless?
@jelibra1967
2 күн бұрын
@@alxp-zd1zj My experience has been that the significant narcissists Ive encountered in life, have not changed in spite of considerable input. My theory on this, is that they are similar to feral children who, if they reach a certain age without developing language skills, have missed the ‘critical period’ for doing so and can never learn to speak. This is a fact. I think at the ‘critical period’ for developing empathy and understanding that a wider world exists outside the child’s close environment, 2 things happen: one is a childhood trauma of some description, the other is an inappropriate response by the main caregiver to support the child through that trauma ie. They are too protective meaning the child is allowed to remain a child on an emotional level. They are shielded from having to deal with their emotions by being over shielded so do not develop the appropriate skills at the appropriate time. Just my opinion btw. Not scientifically proven
@user-hv9dd3gj1m
Ай бұрын
I have been dealing with this for 10 long years. I don't know how to leave. He always says it's everyone else's fault but his. He cries for himself. I makes me feel like I am loosing my mind. I feel so isolated and drowning. My boundaries are trampled all over. Thanks for your understanding and information Mathew. X
@themoontoonshines923
Ай бұрын
Leave! You can do this! I thought I couldn’t. I left with a 14 year old! We are SO MUCH BETTER off! Better each day!
@tonymurray814
29 күн бұрын
Please run.Don’t walk. And don’t look back!!!
@jokester5812
26 күн бұрын
Run, and don’t look back.
@Mercalons
25 күн бұрын
I was there fifteen years and I left,better alone than in bad company
@Siegefya
19 күн бұрын
Took me 13 years to leave her. And of course my dumb ass left the door cracked, thinking that it was just gonna be a break, we had a break before that was initiated by her and we got back together. Well, she did something different this time, the mask...she masked up and got with about 6 other dudes in the span of 2 months...I say about as it was at least 6, I'm not sure exactly how many it was, that was not our agreement, . She then found the new supply and discarded me. So I left, but I shouldn't have left how I did, I should have left and slammed the door behind me and not looked back... Looking back crushed me because I thought we were just taking a separation break like she wanted in the past, I felt I needed one, to go visit family, go get some things with the VA in order etc... nope, she knew what she was gonna do, and she knew it was gonna hurt me.
@aatonnaa4958
Ай бұрын
I will never understand genuinely mean people
@kalasmith9472
Ай бұрын
There’s nothing genuine about a narcissist. They’re sheep in wolf’s clothing, master manipulator, a con artist.
@jrddoubleu514
Ай бұрын
They usually spend half their time hiding from themselves and others in the mirror. Most of the supposed 'victims' here, are the narcissistic perpetrators. They were grey rocked. Deprived of supply, the parasite falls off and believes itself a victim. 'All my ex's were narcissists'. (The ones who stopped feeding/facilitating me) They all need to believe they're superior. But they're not.
@reneefesler4442
Ай бұрын
A decent person can't understand . It's an abnormal, alien way of thinking, and far removed from anything you can comprehend.Which is good; we should all hope we never understand this behavior.
@kimberlyjensenlangford568
Ай бұрын
Nope!
@donapaulen8700
Ай бұрын
This video left me crying. I have seen several videos on narcissism, however YOU truly have a gift. Married almost 24 years to one. Recently divorced, however I am still under his control due to needing the house sold before I can move. I look forward to the day that I am free forever. So glad that your video showed up on my feed. Thank you. 🌸
@tonymurray814
29 күн бұрын
Best of luck. Got get em girl. Have a wonderful life!
@mariedigital4404
27 күн бұрын
This video actually helped me open up tonight about abuse I went through for the last year that’s had me in deep isolation. I’ve kept silent about it until tonight. I just shared my truth to a family member. Thanks for your help in affirming me Matthew. 🙏🏼
@user-wi9hv2pb2q
Ай бұрын
The narcissists in my life always change their lie or their cover story. "I did this for A" and 5 months later, "oh I did this because of B." The story always changes as the days pass.
@cha9165
Ай бұрын
100%. They cant remember their lies it's hilarious when people clock their lies. I sip my wine
@markblaze4909
Ай бұрын
thats impressive tbh usually they just say " i dont have to explain myself to you"
@Avalonkenton
Ай бұрын
I have noticed how they always try to ruin fun such as birthdays and holidays and events because it isn’t all about them they will do this by forgetting that it’s your birthday or by not turning up to an event or starting arguments on holiday
@lundworks9901
Ай бұрын
* Starting arguments.
@pierrettebrousseau282
Ай бұрын
Wow. Funny how they manage to pick a fight just as you're on your way to a family event, a friend's home or another special event. It never fails. And of course, it's always our fault for "pushing their buttons"!
@PaintedK
Ай бұрын
... every memory of a fun event must be ultimately connected to them. Even if it's just their devastating conduct.
@soniashelzi2237
Ай бұрын
I filed for divorce after my 10th birthday with him was destroyed again.
@nassima.Urkiia
Ай бұрын
Wow exactly this is crazy
@SouthernGalwithCharm
15 күн бұрын
Your video came up as I was watching one with Dr Ramani, and I became intrigued. I have consistently claimed my ex-husband is a narcissist, but there has always been a tinge of doubt, despite all the videos I've ever watched or articles I've read. This video right here validated 20+ years of wavering in the belief that I am correct. I listened and thought of numerous examples of times he would do each of the 7 things. I was fine and felt a little bit of freedom with TONS of finally I'm validated!! Then, you moved to say "Some good news for you" and I cried. You truly wrapped up all of it with the most beautiful bow on top. I have continued to have problems accepting that it's not too late to have a blossoming beautiful love with a significant other, and that's not just unconditional love to my 2 children.
@markbradshaw7282
Ай бұрын
9:00 Spot on. When I finally stood up to the narcissist and told them, "You know, I think I just need space from this situation and need time to think how I want to move forward with you." they gave me about two days of "space" before they were giving me all of these "apologies" and false promises. I could tell by the tricky, manipulative language they were using that it was all a bunch of fluff, telling me what they thought I wanted to hear. They didn't apologize in a sincere way where they actually acknowledged a lot of the awful things they did - instead they apologized for "hanging out with shitty people" which was....not even an issue I had. But it was because they were trying to say "sorry" in a way that gave them credit for apologizing while simultaneously never ACTUALLY having to admit to the true misdeeds ("Why are you still mad and holding a grudge? I already said I was sorry.") Then of course this came with a whole bunch of false promises - "I think it's worth trying to just start over and everything will be great if we just stick it out." No REAL promises of change, no tangible steps or actions that you can hold them to, no acknowledgement of WHY they treated you so terribly and how it's supposedly "different" moving forward. I saw right through it and I said "I understand, but I still need time and space to decide how I feel." Their immediate reaction was to threaten me in a passive aggressive way. "Cool. Well I tried. Guess I'll never do that again." So apparently, they were GOING TO treat me completely differently and they were a whole new person who was truly, genuinely sorry about how awfully they treated me.........but yet the second they didn't get what they wanted at the snap of a finger, they revoked every bit of what they had just told me. They tried to guilt trip me and threaten me, but all they really did was prove that I was completely right in not trusting their "apology" that was a clear manipulation attempt. It was so easy to see that she was "apologizing" because SHE wanted something - NOT because she wanted was best for me.
@jo-annahicks3324
Ай бұрын
There is a book called 'Psychopath Free', and it talks about the 'Psychopathic smirk'. Whenever I see someone do that now..I think to myself..."there it is..get away from this person ASAP."...they are enjoying having power over you. Once you see it, you can never unsee it...truly chilling!
@LoneStarLady-
Ай бұрын
Number seven really hit home. After 30+ years of marriage and within six weeks of being separated, my husband had joined two dating websites and already started seeing other people. I know I shouldn’t be shocked due to the multiple betrayals and extremely narcissistic/ selfish behavior, but it’s hard for me to wrap my head around that. Thank you so much for the beautiful encouragement at the end of the video. Definitely struggling with some of those feelings as a almost 60 something year old having to figure out life moving forward.
@debimary6812
Ай бұрын
4 weeks after me, came the announcement of the new supply. So much for me devastating him. Didn't take him long to recover.
@roryasrorri701
Ай бұрын
My dad, 58, had an affair with a woman, 43, when he was still with my mum, 60. They got married two months after my mum divorced him. And then his new wife divorced him six months after they were together. Don't be too hard on yourself, ma'am. They're the parasites. Not you.
@helenedwards9304
Ай бұрын
You can do this I did it at 56 never been happier. You keep praying,learning,relearning who you are! You are strong. Proof,you left good for you. It does get better,it gets easier,re invent yourself.
@LoneStarLady-
Ай бұрын
@@helenedwards9304 thank you for your kind words and support. Glad to hear you are happy, strong, and healthy.
@michelles2715
Ай бұрын
Thank you for this whole video. Married 32 years but getting divorced due to various things (and more) you mentioned in this video. Thank you for saying that what the victim brought to the relationship was REAL, and the victim carries those traits when the relationship ends. The ability to commit, honor, live respectably, live with integrity/truthfulness, respect and properly love someone is still there and can be gifted to someone who is deserving of those qualities.
@abelitsos
Ай бұрын
I am 64 yo and so appreciated your closing comment that it doesn't matter what season you are in, or that it is never to late to direct one's love in the right direction. Thank you Matthew 🫶
@nikkyshamz2696
Ай бұрын
The accuracy and timing of this video is so eerie. I feel like God sent you to give me closure because a person I've been refusing to accept is a narcissist sent me on a tailspin this weekend. Having me question my reality and heavily gaslight me. Even did the exit gaslighting thing you spoke about when I said I simply can't do this anymore. This video confirms all my suspicions and basically spoke my life. Phew. This is such a huge relief that I'm not crazy and that they are deliberate with their actions. This is tremendous closure. Thank you for your work, Matthew. You're literally saving lives and sanity.
@courtneychmura
Ай бұрын
This is so spot on! Also, when you confront them about the disrespect but they just tell you you’re sensitive, dramatic and insecure and then they will throw in your face all the good things they do for you and call you ungrateful
@mommakimmins5554
Ай бұрын
I was romantically involved with someone with narcissistic traits. When I broke up with him I had prepared for his usual response of rage. I was not prepared for the tears. However, I luckily remained strong. Almost a decade and a half later I'm married to someone else who treats me much better
@Joshualuv13
Ай бұрын
Absolutely. When u deal with an actual narcissist,u will know. I realised over time ,after I felt like I had a crack addiction to the narcissist. After I had a breakdown. After I'd almost lost everyone else .While my bed was warm from where he slept , he had already moved on to a lady who had more money and comforts to offer than me.And when I tried to get hold of him to find out what was going on..he sent me a message threating a restrainting order and blocked me .He had only been with me a couple of days prior .And we had been seeing each other for a couple of years.Oh, and then after a time .He tried to walk back in like he was entiled .. no explanation. No apologies.I truly hate these ppl
@dorianmeyette8560
Ай бұрын
Just stumbled upon your channel. I was married to a narcissist and am now seeing my kids grapple with the same issues in dealing with him. This video is spot on and so well done! I shared with my daughter as she’s struggling to set boundaries with her father.
@ParagraphGurr
Ай бұрын
Not only will they let you drown, discovering they were the catalyst for the hole in your ship is such a betrayal that drowning seems more suitable than dealing with the aftermath
@rebz-wt6bp
Ай бұрын
Coming out of over three decade long marriage to a person I now realize has NPD. Something that I’ve been struggling with for over a year now is how I was just discarded along with my children without even a look back. You said something so helpful to me in this video…the fact that I can’t wrap my brain around how he acted is a sign of MY character…because I would never do that to him. Thank you.
@TheRater3
Ай бұрын
This! I say the same thing about mine. I was always shocked at how he behaved, but then I realized that's because I could never comprehend doing that to someone.
@NKdP39
Ай бұрын
I am coming out of a 3 decade marriage too and was discarded. I totally hear you regarding the comment he made. It really resonated with me too!
@janettepointon2540
Ай бұрын
20 yrs and the discard is like you dont exist anymore
@VT-di1jx
Ай бұрын
I could write endless paragraphs, but the short of it: Married to him for 25 years. Set boundaries that I finally kept. He left. I've spent the last 10 years reading and listening to 'experts' in narcissism, trying to understand it all. This short video explains more about my marraige, who he was, and who I am than any of the rest of those 'experts.' Thank you. Even now I need to reassure myself that I wasn't crazy and to understand that most people will never understand this.
@themoontoonshines923
27 күн бұрын
@@VT-di1jx 17 years here… took me a little over one to find my way out for my child and I. It was rough and I thought I would never heal. I am finally healing, my child thriving, we are building a better life and the narc is getting punished in court. Dr. Carter, Andrew from Narcdaily and Dr. Ramani and others were my educators and my strength. This video here is an amazing compilation of lots of what I survived. You can too! Keep your light shining and do what you love to do, the rest will line up well. ✌️
@heyu123
Ай бұрын
I just realised my ex has quite a number of these traits. I couldn’t see it when I was in it. Now it’s all making so much sense. I was discarded before our flight home. After a beautiful trip in Crete. I never saw it coming.
@FaithfulandTrue949
Ай бұрын
Wow "a broken watch is right twice a day" God raised you for such a time as this, its not good for man to be alone. Your gifts will make room for you ❤️🙏🏻🔥🕊
@trinaloje
Ай бұрын
This video is so spot on! I am 8 years out, back then I felt as I saw right through him, but now I know I didn’t fully. Luckily I never gave in 100% I stayed somewhat logical. But it took many betrayals, him not showing up and then finally, having my daughter in my home country, to want to flee his grasp. I had endured his abuse, but she was not going to. I cut off ties with him when my daughter was born. He ticks all of these boxes, and I still live with a lot of triggers to this day, much guilt, and especially guilt towards my daughter that someday I will have to tell her about him and who he really is. She didn’t chose this life, I absolutely have to protect her, that’s my job as a mother, sadly it’s her own biological father I am protecting her from, and his abuse. But she saved me!
@Barbara_3788
Ай бұрын
This was incredibly healing for me. I was married to someone with a full-on double life. A criminal one and an immoral one. I was married to an alien. It has shaken my trust in prospective future relationships. I am in counseling, but sometimes another perspective is exactly what you need.
@cy9770
Ай бұрын
The “emotions” the narcissist shows us - they aren’t for us - those emotions are for the narcissist themselves. That helped me to understand more. Thank you for all you do Matthew!
@foxerrr7864
28 күн бұрын
This is hands down the most accurate, kind and empathetic video on narcissistic partners I’ve watched. It hurts to know who I’m with, but your delivery really made it easier to swallow. I was raised by an extreme narcissist father - and its been a battle to find a normal person in my adult life to partner with. They all end up being narcissists. It’s so hard.
@sahrishmansoor3858
Ай бұрын
Please bring on more content for narcissism, Matthew! This was heartwarming and heart wrenching at the same time. Thank you.
@suzettehorn4504
Ай бұрын
It is so heartbraking to hear that a narcist can be so hard to someone who really loves them.
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
its sad, but they do everything by choice. a non stop circle, of continuations self torment, is where they exist. the only thing they care about is themselves, and they do a sh it job of that.
@markblaze4909
Ай бұрын
narcissist's don't know what real love is. its all about power notice their words i love you are often not backed by actions. they are truly selfish, but love requires one to be selfless.
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
@@markblaze4909 actions, not worthless words. i could go the rest of my life, not hearing the i love you crock of sh it again.
@karnerblue7658
Ай бұрын
Narcissists don’t even love themselves.
@lilfairycupcake
Ай бұрын
@@karnerblue7658 it took me a long time to conclude how something so self centered, can also be so self destructive? it just did not add up? they go burnt earth policy on everything they come in contact with out of hate, this hate goes so far as to self hate. they hate themselves, just as much as they hate the world, hate you, hate everything, hence the self destruction.
@elizasoutie
Ай бұрын
This was cathartic to listen to, particularly the piece about believing that the person will definitely be there for you if there’s a crisis, and then the shock when they abandon you during a true crisis. In my case, he seemed to make himself the victim of my crisis. It was so confusing, and this description helps. Thank you.
@lilw00
Ай бұрын
I am a gay man who let a str8 women into my life and my home and I never had such an experience with anyone like her. She emotionally and then physically abused me. Turns out my empathy was her way to get her supply (a home) off of me. When it got to a head and I asked her to leave she became worse. After watching this I realise it’s nothing I did; she was actually a narcissist. I established boundaries and she didn’t like it. I spent so much time blaming myself and criticising what I did. I didn’t charge her rent and she didn’t pay for bills - she took advantage of me. Thank you for this video - I now see I couldn’t stop her - but I now know that she doesn’t deserve my empathy. She deserves what I give her; silence.
@ruthgregory5599
Ай бұрын
I feel your pain!! Had nearly exactly the same experience with a family member. It’s my fault for taking her in again for the 4th time. Don’t blame yourself….. it’s sooooo easy to get caught up in their web of deceit!!!
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