After some traveling, I came back relaxed, confident & overconfident even. Micro interactions along the way, or at places where you leave & never see them again, or them seeing you, gives a more experimental sense of adventure. A noncommittal/disposable freedom, as it were. You try different approaches/reactions & find human commonality & more of what you actually like. You burn up pent up nervous energy & generate more social energy/endurance...
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
You're being raised in a home that's going to make you hyper vigilant. You'll notice what everyone else is thinking or feeling. You're going to be super sensitive to changes in people's moods or facial expressions, and you'll startle easily. - Where I am getting this from? - Well your father has a bad temper and he erupts out of nowhere. Sometimes when you're just playing or relaxing in your room, he just starts screaming at you. We (mother and father) fight a lot and don't really ask about how it's impacting you. Or we don't talk to you about the fights at all or why they happen. So your nervous system is developing on high alert and your amygdala, the part of your brain that senses threats and danger is overactive. Difficulty of relaxing or just playing. And when you're older you'll have the same difficulty in social situations. Often labeled as social anxiety disorder, this can actually be a symptom of C-PTSD. You'll feel awkward and worried you're saying or doing something wrong. Basically your internal threat system is off because you're being raised in an unsafe environment. Dr. Nicole LePera, TWITTER
@xeropunt5749
Жыл бұрын
@@ranc1977 Oh wow, very good! Yes, endured/impacted by extreme fighting/arguing marathons 😅. But also pmo. Zimbardo says many anxious young men are in a constant state of arousal. What is the most embarrassing/private thing? Sexuality. And it’s signs. Especially with self conscious/conservative or suppressed upbringing/households. When you stop pmo for whatever reason, mine was due to hyper self awareness through cannabis, it acted as truth serum😂, you will see a drop in anxiety. I was cured of almost EVERY anxiety. Only love, awareness & service remained (I took it before work as a cashier). The only anxiety that remained was from the contact lenses giving me a -4.50 correction. At all distances. Real vision isn’t like that, it’s fluid & central fixated, not “whole field fixated”…When I’d relax my lenses would pop off my eyes, because the cornea would flatten to normal flatness.. So controlling pmo/visual/voyeuristic arousal, is a game changer!👍🙏
@JustMeMinaa
Ай бұрын
Psychology and wisdom at its finest!
@jolte4
2 жыл бұрын
I love how scientifically you break down these very complex and individualized struggles!
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
He talks about shyness here. NOT actual social anxiety.
@jordansthoughts54
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for this video much needed
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
This video is misdiagnosing us and you thank him?
@niewieder99
3 жыл бұрын
How this channel doesn’t have more views/subscribers is fascinating to me. Keep up the good work 😊
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
Because it is filled with misdiagnosis and wrong information.
@tannerhagen774
3 жыл бұрын
What’s people’s take on virtual reality in assisting in PTSD? I know it is not related to the title, but perhaps it may also assist in social phobia as well where people create avatars and engage with people before taking to the streets. I assume Mark’s position, if I may call him by his first name, would be a bit dubious for the former as for the latter I think it has some potentiality. Thoughts?
@brqznia336
3 жыл бұрын
Great idea! Using technology to help.
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
These are all interchangeable: RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) = Social anxiety = Emotional Dysregulation = Complex Trauma = Toxic shame = After-effects of ACoA & ACE = After-effects of narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse = Hypervigilance/hypovigilance = PureOCD = Unfavorable power dynamics = Trauma response = Trauma bonding = Neurodivergence = Spectrum, not binary thinking = Amygdala hijacking = Trauma triggers and flashbacks = being criticized for something you can't control = having high moral and ethical standards and enforcing them = someone random complains about our errors when we done superhuman efforts to avoid ALL mistakes which 98.5% percent of people never invest neither physically nor mentally = toxic person complaining and expecting us to know something for the first time without mistakes = Perfectionism = Protesting: someone toxic complaining without fair assessment and basing their protest on bias and prejudice and oversimplification = Protesting: trauma panic symptoms related in an attempt to express OUR OWN judgement and negative evaluation and holding criminals narcissists accountable for their crimes and hidden selfish agenda of exploiting others = Not conforming = Conforming (fawning) to unreasonable standards and neurotypical norms = Conforming to narcissistic abuser and psychopath who would punish us if we don't conform to their Coercive control, hidden agenda and manipulation and pathological lying = Being authentic true speaking the truth to fake people and toxic people who have hidden covert agenda to exploit others = being Agreeable (Big 5 personality trait) = being Open (Big 5 personality trait) = Being Neurotic (Big 5 personality trait) = being healthy, friendly and open to life and people = Attachment issues = Codependency = Listening to our gut feeling = Quiet BPD (PureBPD) = BPD Splitting = Inner critic = Imposter syndrome = Being exposed to Operant Conditioning of Negative reinforcement (rejection, cold shoulder) = Being exposed to Negative reinforcement Breadcrumbs hoping positive reinforcement will come instead = doing the best we can to avoid and mitigate negative reinforcement = Avoidance "People expect the quiet one to adapt to the loud people but not the other way around"
@tannerhagen774
Жыл бұрын
@@ranc1977 This comment can’t be to me, you must have responded to the wrong person although funny enough your comment appears to be in its own reality. The most impressive thing is you didn’t use any punctuation. A tip, when you try to say too much all at once you say nothing at all, have a clear concise goal when you communicate. You come across as talking to yourself in an alley. Good luck in life, take care.
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
@@tannerhagen774 I am not topic here.
@uncommon-knowledge
3 жыл бұрын
For help right now in becoming more socially confident and relaxed, try my course ’10 Steps to Overcome Social Anxiety’ - currently 50% off. Try it here ▶︎bit.ly/3chNJD7
@emilymurphy1888
3 жыл бұрын
you are beyond helpful and reassuring
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
It is surface level information about shyness, it does not help at all. Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics - struggles with maintaining interpersonal relationships - struggles with codependency - impulsive or dangerous behaviors - anxiety and hypervigilance - fear of abandonment - conflict avoidance/fear of conflict - constantly seeking approval - struggles with authority figures - poor communication - struggles with emotional regulation - poor self-esteem and self-image, or constantly feeling "different"
@taniadow60
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you this will be very useful 😊
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
Things hidden away from us: 9 Signs if Quiet BDP 1. You are calm on the outside but suffer on the inside 2. You have a high need for control, and hate uncertainty 3. You withdraw from people and shut down very easily 4. You mentally retreat or dissociate, as coping mechanism 5. You have an unclear sense of self, resulting in low self-esteem 6. You always blame yourself for everything, and self sabotage a lot 7. You avoid conflicts and anger at all cost, and check yourself as not to offend anyone 8. You are extremely fearful of both abandonment and intimacy 9. You look 'perfect' from the outside, but deep down inside you keep on isolating yourself more - Quiet BPD subtype Also known as High-Functioning BPD One of the subtypes of BPD, people living with "quiet" or "discouraged borderline" live in extreme emotional turmoil because they don't show their distress. - not easily detectable - those with the disorder often struggle alone because they feel like a burden - common people-pleasing behavior - withdraw when upset - feel detached from the world to cope - fear of rejection and abandonment - fear of being alone - social anxiety and self isolation (Healthline, 2020) ; thebrightbabe - QuietBPD A person living with quiet BPD will typically internalize their emotions, which creates invisible feelings of turmoil that can make life extremely difficult. While quiet BPD is not an official diagnosis, the use of this term denotes a subtype of BPD that tends to turn symptoms inward rather than outward (which makes it less obivious). As a result of this, quiet BPD often tends to go undiagnosed, misdiagnosed as something else (eg depression, social anxiety, autism), or takes longer to diagnose because of the lack of classic symptoms.
@pauale10
3 жыл бұрын
I just ran out of the gym right now I’m in my car crying cus wtf is wrong with me?!? 😅🙈 I can go to the gym with my sister, a friend or my son but alone I obviously can’t I ran I just can’t I had people staring at me and I didn’t know where to hide it felt so uncomfortable I can’t believe I’m crying an adult woman with a 13 year old son crying cus I can’t be in a social environment without people I know to make me feel comfortable 😅🙈🤦🏻♀️ I’m such a wierdo, awkward as hell It sucks
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
It is Quiet BPD. Quiet BPD looks different from ‘typical’ BPD. You may appear calm and high functioning, instead of ‘exploding’, you implode and collapse from within. some people fight, some people flee, some people dissociate. It is a matter of spectrum, rather than categorization. No one has either completely ‘classic’ or ‘quiet’ BPD, or should be labeled as such. As we discuss ‘quiet borderline’ or Quiet BPD, please be mindful that it is a survival strategy, not a definition of your personality. (eggshelltherapy) It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to imitate somebody else's life with perfection. Bhagavad Gita Common characteristics of high-functioning BPD include the following - Intense episodes of sadness, shame, and guilt directed towards self - Repressing and hiding mood changes - Social withdrawal - Extreme fear of rejection and sensitivity to criticism - Distorted self-image and low self-esteem (leafcare co uk) Quiet BPD often also overlaps with 'high-functioning BPD', where a part of the self is 'split off' to maintain a facade of hyper-competence and independence. (psychology today) Signs and Symptoms of Quiet BPD You look calm on the outside even when you are suffering from extreme pain on the inside. You have extreme mood swings that seem to come from nowhere. You hide your anger, sometimes to the point you don't know it when you are angry. You tend to blame yourself for things even when they are not your fault. When relationships end or conflicts arise, you immediately assume you did something wrong. You hold up an image that appears 'normal', calm and successful. You feel that there is something defective about you. You mentally retreat and can become dissociated when stressed. Most of the time, you feel empty and numb. When someone upsets you, instead of seeking clarification or confronting them, you immediately withdraw and may end the relationship without speaking to the person. You feel that you are a burden on others. One moment, you idealize other people, but soon you lose trust in them. Generally, you don't feel safe in the world. (Psychology Today) Through research, his team found that some people are 'overcontrolled' rather than 'undercontrolled.' Rather than being dysregulated and impulsive, they have the opposite struggles. They overly tolerate distress to the point where they don't seek help even when needed. They are sensitive to threats and interpersonal cues and easily feel hurt. However, they hide their emotions so much that they appear flat and un-feeling. While most people with BPD are undercontrolled and come across as being overly emotional and erratic, overcontrolled people are quiet, reserved, understated, and seem hard to engage. Because of this, their suffering is missed by most. Usually, undercontrolled personality is associated with Cluster B personality disorders such as Antisocial Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, while the overcontrolled character is linked to Cluster-C personality disorders such as Avoidant Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, or Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. (Psychology Today) According to Dr. Lynch, people who are over-controlled have the following four core deficits: - Lack of Receptivity and Openness: You tend to be risk-averse and hyper-vigilant. You may avoid new and novel experiences and can be dismissive of other people's input and feedback. - Lack of Flexible Responding: You may have a compulsive need for structure and order. You plan and rehearse everything. Your life may be governed by rigid rules you impose on yourself. You may also censor yourself and other people's behavior with high moral standards. - Lack of Emotional Expression and Awareness: You inhibit spontaneous emotional expression. Maybe you have expressions that do not match how you feel inside (e.g. you smile when you are distressed). You also tend to diminish your distress and adopt a stoic facade. - Lack of Social Connectedness and Intimacy: You may appear distant and aloof and keep people at arm's length. You may also compare yourself with others often and feel envious and bitter. These biology-based traits are powerful because they are unconscious and affect us without us even realizing it. Because this is an innate predisposition, you cannot will yourself, think yourself, or use more willpower to control or talk your way out of it. (Psychology Today) The Struggles of Quiet BPD Posted July 23, 2021 Over-control may help explain Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder.
@ranc1977
Жыл бұрын
First of all social phobia is archaic term. IT was replaced in mid 1990s when CBT "experts" discovered that it is not phobia at all - which means it does not go away with exposure, as any phobia does go away with repeated exposure to feared object. This panic is actually Complex Trauma. It is complex version of PTSD. Panic is amygdala hijacking and Emotional Dysregulation - it is important to notice that - because Mayo Clinic defines panic as hallucination and that there is nothing to fear. Trauma is not fear. Trauma is being exposed to psychopaths and abuse over long period of time at repeated intervals. So it has nothing to do with willpower as ableist CBT explains and brainwash us into false explanations that we are simply "over-sensitive". "Social phobia" is not related to social situations. We do not get panicked because of normal and kind and safe people. "Social phobia" panic will come due to toxic people and predators. So we are not problem as CBT gaslight us. Social "phobia" stems from ACoA and ACE - which means we have high skills to detect fake people. So idea to become relaxed with potential serial killers is really really bad advice. Instead of relax - I would not fight our alarms going on due to abnormal and sick and evil people who trigger us into social "phobia". Instead of gaslighting us into relaxation - I would rather transform this "relaxation" by becoming Sherlock Holmes and look for clues what bothers us about people who trigger social anxiety panic triggers. Like a detective. Or another analogy is being scientist in a lab - that we detect new viruses. Being curious. If we go with CBT ableism - where we suppress our emotions - this will end up as mental illness and personality disorder. When we distrust our gut feelings - we will end up with toxic shame. 5:49 "Look at your surroundings" "Socially anxious people focus inwards" That is shyness, as you said in the video. You are talking here about shyness. NOT social anxiety. You mix up shyness with social anxiety. Socially anxious focus on other people. They notice what other people do, act, they focus in detail on other people - due to expectation of aggression and attack - which is similar to the original trauma which caused social anxiety trauma. This video is worthless, it is talking about shyness. Whereas shy people will expose to social situations - and their shyness will naturally go away. What bothers me about videos like this is that it gives wrong information about social anxiety - and that is narcissistic abuse: gaslighting and brainwashing into false explanation of reality. You are doing incredible psychological damage to socially anxious people who look for honest and genuine help - and get this shy nonsense described here - which will make socially anxious worse , since shyness is not the same as social anxiety.
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