The guy playing Bard in my group brings a book of limericks to each session, and he writes out his own list of insults depending on the races and such we're facing. He has the table in stitches every game.
@monhunterz5430
5 жыл бұрын
So you're saying that he literally had a race-based insult book
@lionelk.y7233
5 жыл бұрын
@@monhunterz5430 The Holy Text
@Mxmusicaddict
5 жыл бұрын
I can't compete with those kind of expectations!
@somedrunkdude5728
4 жыл бұрын
My cleric did that except they were eulogies for each character who died in our group. He was tasked with sending the letters to next of kin.
@CharlieCat18
4 жыл бұрын
I play as a bard in my current campaign and one of my favorite cantrips to use is Vicious Mockery, some of my highlights include: “Who’s shrine did you piss on to get a face like that?” “I’m glad I can’t read minds, I doubt there’s anything interesting in yours.” “I’ve seen better weapons in the hands of preschool children.” “You have a face only a mother could love, too bad she’s probably dead” (Even the DM was shocked by this one)
@TheAmazingBoogeyMan
4 жыл бұрын
It's all fun and games until the DM requires you to act out your seduction.
@savary5050
3 жыл бұрын
Lmao
@bloodyidit4506
3 жыл бұрын
You kidding? That’s the fun part.
@TheNocturnalOracle
3 жыл бұрын
As if that will stop me
@savary5050
3 жыл бұрын
@@TheNocturnalOracle One of my friends was a barbarian and he asked the DM if he could go into a rage well having sex.
@adamn8156
3 жыл бұрын
The party rogue: "I roll to seduce." Me: (spy voice from TF2) "Seduce me."
@sananaryon4061
4 жыл бұрын
"I roll to seduce Tiamat with... 33!" "Okay, then. Tiamat takes an interest in you, grabs you and throws you into her lair in Avernus, where you will have to be her love slave for eternity." Just because you can seduce someone doesn't mean you should
@stm7810
4 жыл бұрын
in that case you should.
@Kyla-Stormhazard
4 жыл бұрын
Probably better than dying horrifically
@jennytulls6369
4 жыл бұрын
I mean, all options considered, it don't sound like a horrible fate
@azmiraclegirl441
4 жыл бұрын
My DM is like this. I didn't survive the Bugbear mating ritual :(
@ryanweible9090
4 жыл бұрын
so death by snu-snu-snu-snu-snu?
@Doc_of_derp
4 жыл бұрын
my bard: I SEDUCE THE DOOR my dm: roll charisma me: crit door: randomly becomes both polished and unlocked
@crimsonwizahd2358
4 жыл бұрын
"A hint of bright red on both sides of the doors center..." (it blushed....the door fucking blushed)
@trinitesalte4280
3 жыл бұрын
*this is beyond human comprehension of the bards ability to literally seduce everything,even air molecules*
@oscarwang7227
3 жыл бұрын
Bard: crit Door: doesn’t open Rogue: I use intimidate Masochist door: blushes Oh no
@tucan6376
3 жыл бұрын
a n i m a t e o b j e c t
@TheTiredBard
3 жыл бұрын
I like to say that some objects contain a spirit, and eventhough you can't seduce the door, you could seduce the spirit in the door. But that is only posibble if there is a spirit in the door.
@EldritchDoodler4828
5 жыл бұрын
And now the bard's most intimidating attack: *F U C K Y O U* or *I N S P I R E D*
@christopherrhodes3228
5 жыл бұрын
Wait... SUCTION CUP MAN IS A BARD
@eidolor
5 жыл бұрын
*YOU CAN’T KILL THE BARD, MAN*
@Dino-er8tp
5 жыл бұрын
@@christopherrhodes3228 SUCTION CUP BARD IS COMING ROUND HIS SUCKING POWERS HAVE NO BOUNS SUCTION CUPS ALL RED AND SHIT HES PRETTY HOT YOU MUST ADMIT DO MOT TEST HIS SUCKING POWERS HELL CLIMB YOUR TOWER IN JUST AN HOUR YOU CANT KILL HIM HES WAY TOO COOL HES SMUDGING UP YOUR WINDOWS FOOL
@Galdenberry_Lamphuck
5 жыл бұрын
*HEY I WROTE YOU A SONG* "what?!" *IT GOES LIKE THIS* plays three notes *FUCK YOU*
@moon12299
5 жыл бұрын
OH I'VE BEEN CLIMBING UP YOUR TOWER YOU CAN KISS MY ASS! I'VE BEEN CLIMBING UP YOUR TOWER AND I'M SMUDGING UP YOUR GLASS!
@ranpo_edogawa
5 жыл бұрын
DM: Well here's the main enemy of the campaign- Bard: _I'm gonna seduce them._ DM: YOU WHAT-
@FieldMarshalFry
5 жыл бұрын
Bard: "I'm gonna seduce the werewolf!" DM: "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SEDUCE THE WEREWOLF!" Bard: "why not?" DM: "BECAUSE I SAID SO YOU FURRY FUCK! NOW ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!"
@ironmilutin
5 жыл бұрын
@@FieldMarshalFry Bard : Ok fine *rolls and has initiative* Bard : I use my turn to serenade the werewolf DM : Your singing is so powerful that werewolf feels moved, however your tunes were so loud that the cave ceiling got destabilized. TL:DR Rocks fall, everyone dies
@Unclaimed_Username
5 жыл бұрын
Completely valid. DM: "the lesser succubus casts 'charm' on the cleric" Cleric: [Fails some saves] "Ah fuck she's too hot. Sorry, guys, this demon I've sworn to defeat is my new wife." Bard: ...[Player literally stands up from table, and points to the sky, shouting] "NO ONE IS HOTTER THAN XAVIER THE DIVINE SPEAR!" Bard: [Rolls to seduce succubus] DM: "Look we've been over this, you can't just bed any-" Bard: [Throws d20 at DM. Lands on 20] Dm: "...That's bullshit, but I'll accept it. The Lesser Succubus is now your Succubae." Bard: [Points at Cleric] "Now you!" Dm: [Shrugging, having come to terms with the previous bullshit] "...fuck it." Bard: "That's the plan!" Cleric:[If you looked up "big dude" in the dictionary you'd see his face and upper torso] "No homo?" Bard: [Physically grabs Cleric player and looks deep into his eyes (note the bard player is a foot shorter and has all the muscle mass of a twig)] "No homo. Only Xavier..." And then the rogue stabbed the succubus while everyone is distracted. We all died horribly.
@ranpo_edogawa
5 жыл бұрын
@@Unclaimed_Username I want "No homo. Only Xavier." on my tomb stone.
@Ianjk6
5 жыл бұрын
@@FieldMarshalFry Bard: "Fine... I cast Suggestion." DM: "I don't even wanna know what you suggest to it."
@smokybros1267
3 жыл бұрын
I wonder if when JoCat wrote this, he had any idea he'd get actual Matt Mercer in a collab a year later.
@bretsheeley4034
3 жыл бұрын
I wonder if this video will be redone where the only change will be swapping out the "ehhh.... errt..." sound effects with takes done by Matt himself.
@grimmashley8422
2 жыл бұрын
Wait, he did?? For real?
@Tengila
2 жыл бұрын
@@grimmashley8422 Yeah, in the DM video. A whole _bunch_ of DnD content creators show up in that one, including Matt Mercer
@SpectreCiNW
2 жыл бұрын
He said himself on stream that he never thought he would get to do that, was so afraid just to try before giving him a call
@megapokekid1
2 жыл бұрын
Looks like he rolled well on pursauation
@mrbibs350
3 жыл бұрын
The message that flashes up behind Matt Mercer when he's throwing noodles: "Disclaimer: Matt Mercer will not actually throw foam noodles at you for not playing a stereotypical D&D character because he doesn't judge the way you have fun and is a genuinely swell guy. He may throw noodles at you for other reasons however, so you should still watch your back." 1:56
@leviblanchard7437
Жыл бұрын
I came to the comments just for this 🙏
@raina8334
Жыл бұрын
Sounds about right. I'm not convinced he DOESN'T have a stack of them hidden under his chair in preparation for Sam Riegel' nonsense. XD
@sallyparty1978
Жыл бұрын
Thxx
@magma9953
Жыл бұрын
THANK YOU SO MUCH
@AdamJones-tu9lx
Жыл бұрын
@@raina8334 this improved my day
@XPtoLevel3
5 жыл бұрын
This is real good
@ΜΑΙΡΗΧΡΥΣΑΝΘΑΚΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ
5 жыл бұрын
no u
@Ike_of_pyke
5 жыл бұрын
INSPIRED!
@wolflordxyz
5 жыл бұрын
I thought you said bard sucked tho
@yandengray4516
5 жыл бұрын
I read this in your voice
@oogabooga620
5 жыл бұрын
Hey cool
@restingbitchface2785
5 жыл бұрын
One time the bard in our party was so innocent she asked for apple juice in a dwarven bar
@ladysybylgrey
5 жыл бұрын
I once asked for grape juice... and I WAS A DWARF!
@althelor
5 жыл бұрын
Well according to the adventure zone, if you go to a bar and ask for apple sauce or apple juice you'll get some seriously potent halfling cider.
@bogustoast22none25
5 жыл бұрын
That is a cinnamon roll of a bard... I give it 3 sessions and I'm being nice.
@rita6355
5 жыл бұрын
I love that bard thank you for telling me about them
@ARACHNIDPARTY
5 жыл бұрын
“wHaTs A sEdUcE” -One of my bards, 2019
@schrodingerskatze6487
5 жыл бұрын
I once had a elf bard in my P&P group, he could only do two things, evade stuff and persuade people, but by Gygax he did it well (rolled more nat crits than anyone ever on top of that). That character lived through four entire new groups of characters, managed to seduce a whole convent of priestesses (of a love godess but still!) into an giant orgy (because he could), talked a greedy ass dragon in giving up an important thingamajic and even bested the avatar of an god of music in a music duell. In the end, I was forced to exercise my DM rights and forced the guy into retirement because he was to gamebreaking. His legend lives on though, in lots and lots of half elf children.
@gameridiotNOT
5 жыл бұрын
That is amazing. May the children be a quarter as godly as he was. Less than a quarter, otherwise the world would be overrun in no time
@schrodingerskatze6487
5 жыл бұрын
@@gameridiotNOT Trust me, I took care of that. The actual group has met a few of these grown up children so far, one became a teacher who pretty much turned out like Susan Sto Helit, the niece of Death himself from Diskworld, another daughter became a priestess herself and one boy ended up badly beaten and publicaly shamed on the pillory because he thought he could do like his daddy (but couldn´t).
@Hawwwlucha
5 жыл бұрын
Your description of the elf reminded me of one art someone drew of their half-orc, saying her mom's a full orc while her dad's a very ballsy elf. Said elf is drawn blindfolded & chained while saying "Fuck yeah!" as he most likely was getting laid by the orc.
@FeliceJaganshi
5 жыл бұрын
Wait, so they pulled a "devil went down to georgia" with a god of music? Lol
@schrodingerskatze6487
5 жыл бұрын
@@FeliceJaganshi Ya, pretty much, now that you say it that way.^^ For the contest I wanted to see 3 nat crits in a row to succeed and he delivered 2, re-rolled the nr 3 thanks to his bards trait "Favour of Lady Luck" and boom, 3 nat crits in a row. After that I had to get the kitchen scales and checked the dice. XD
@danterodriguez03
4 жыл бұрын
I SEDUCED MYSELF INTO THIS MESS AND I WILL SEDUCE MYSELF OUT OF IT!!!
@PupOrionSirius26
3 жыл бұрын
And in and out...in bed.
@thatguyyouknowtheone4073
7 ай бұрын
why do you look like young homer
@DarkHeroCC
5 жыл бұрын
These keep getting better and better. PS: I do want Matt Mercer to break into my house
@MegaIata
5 жыл бұрын
Me too
@thepuertoricansoldie
5 жыл бұрын
I will play against all the stereotypes until he does, I'll play a paladin with an aligence with a devil and be lawful evil and not be an oathbreaker (oath of conquest mother fuckers)
@theblackbaron4119
5 жыл бұрын
No wonder he's been buisy lately , breaking into people's houses and throwing foam noodles at them.
@quizilot
5 жыл бұрын
@@thepuertoricansoldie depending on the good you serve that may work. Try a fighter that is afraid of combat.
@derphamsterslicer321
5 жыл бұрын
YES
@animelytical8354
5 жыл бұрын
"If the sword and shield was an RPG clas it would be the bard" *Hunting horn sounds intensify*
@lawabidingsins1846
5 жыл бұрын
Animelytical as a filthy gunlance player your sweet melodies keep me going at the worst of times
@chihirovx1774
5 жыл бұрын
Bow before the mighty HH gods peasant.
@jonathanguajardo8430
5 жыл бұрын
or I shall SMITE
@iTzNikkitty
5 жыл бұрын
They're just mad because he's right.
@leviacrus
5 жыл бұрын
*Angry Doots*
@andyharley2644
5 жыл бұрын
"Disclaimer: Matt Mercer will not actually throw foam noodles at you for not playing a stereotypical D&D character because he doesn't judge the way you have fun and is genuinely a swell guy. He may throw foam noodles at you for other reasons however so you should still watch your back." -Joseph 1:57 This text was only in video for like 2 frames but I managed to finally read what it said. Figured I should share the disclaimer so people don't need to live in fear of Matt Mercer. PS: Love the videos, keep being you and making fun videos. Edit: Uh, why did I get so many likes for this after over a year? I was just bored one day and wasted around 45min cause I didn’t know YT had some features that makes reading the text a lot easier. I don’t deserve the attention lol.
@CazTails
5 жыл бұрын
Dude you are seriously naive if you don't fear Matt Mercer
@c66584
5 жыл бұрын
Bless your soul I tried and I shit you not for fifteen minutes to read that. You give me rest, thank you.
@johnwyres3638
5 жыл бұрын
*throws foam noodles at Andy*
@Mackinz92
5 жыл бұрын
*nyeh*
@yolojocolo5523
5 жыл бұрын
Andy Harley thanks I was trying to get it for so long
@vasudeanguy8523
3 жыл бұрын
Jocrap: "All bards are lust-compelled sex deviants." My Lore Bard who's a historian: "You try to force to do that, I will bore you to death. Quite literally in fact. Who says Vicious Mockery has to be an insult?"
@grimmashley8422
2 жыл бұрын
You’d think a historian would know the definition of the word mockery
@vasudeanguy8523
2 жыл бұрын
@@grimmashley8422 In theory, definitely. Not in practice though.
@TheGreyKami
2 жыл бұрын
*Goes on a two hour tangent about how your species used to screw fish*
@gramfero
2 жыл бұрын
"who says vicious mockery has to be an insult?" The description of the cantrip
@savvythedivineyethuggable7493
2 жыл бұрын
I actually just recently made a bard who has all his charisma in being either a big, string man, or being a cute boi. Okay, I just looked at the comments, and I thought they meant "historian" as someone who studies and understands history. What the actual shit is all of this stuff about getting down and dirty with marine life?
@PunkietheAlien
5 жыл бұрын
1:57 "Disclaimer: Matt Mercer will not actually throw foam noodles at you for not playing a stereotypical D&D Character because he doesn't judge the way you have fun & is a genuinely swell guy. He may throw foam noodles at you for other reasons however, so you should still watch your back."
@imptooth
5 жыл бұрын
Punkie Zee Thank you, I was about to spend an eternity trying to pause it at that timestamp on mobile.
@BrutusSalad
5 жыл бұрын
The hero we need!
@Hawwwlucha
5 жыл бұрын
*Other reasons may include, but not limited to, having similar sounding names for your characters and proceeding to joke about different names, violating the big ancient dragons by fisting inflicted wounds, rolling natural one/twenty 2-3 times in a row, etc.
@RandomBooksXD
5 жыл бұрын
Punkie Zee thank you.
@TheBluriteMVP
5 жыл бұрын
Unless you play an outcast drow ranger/rogue that's socially brash and has a pet panther
@loganb7059
5 жыл бұрын
This makes me want to make a skeleton bard, who is having an existential crisis because they can’t bone anymore. Pun absolutely intended. *Anything walks by* _Heavy Sigh_
@Wrightkov
5 жыл бұрын
You mean Brook. You are talking about Brook. Go watch 800 episodes of One Piece like the rest of us.
@Xbiggie216X
5 жыл бұрын
Bonus for a skeleton bard is they don't even need an instrument, they can just play their own ribcage
@meatballsander
5 жыл бұрын
There's a skeleton bard in my current campaign. He only plays woodwind instruments.
@loganb7059
5 жыл бұрын
Meatball Sander what rules do you use for skeletons as a race? Because obviously a skeleton bard would be different to a mindless skeleton raised by some necromancer.
@jakestavinsky3480
5 жыл бұрын
Logan Bedenis Combine that with my Necrodancer build. Go lore and grab all the good necromancy spells
@silaven1309
5 жыл бұрын
*Slams my mug against the table and points to the crowd* "And that's how I wooed the Immortal Dragon God Tiamat"
@gregorymckenzie7511
5 жыл бұрын
*shouts in the background* "Is that considered bestiality?"
@hernehaugen6878
5 жыл бұрын
"Does she also have seven-" whammed in stomach by cleric "LANGUAGE ASSHOLE"
@nyanbrox5418
5 жыл бұрын
*clicks pen* Reporter:"did you have a favourite head? is the god of dragons expecting soon? was the bed OK?
@awkwardbirb5710
5 жыл бұрын
@@nyanbrox5418 A moment of silence for the bed.
@thejurassicwarewolf3300
5 жыл бұрын
i am not the only one who noticed the second the
@samuelparchment1908
4 жыл бұрын
The cool thing about this is that he had every class prepared ahead of time so he could reference them all. Like the Paladin walking across the screen at the mention of a pretty face.
@serenashum600
2 жыл бұрын
and later in thewarlock vid they're gettim married XD
@kaiju9363
2 жыл бұрын
I guess Jocrap's bard is bisexual. Perfect for a horni bard.
@cyanideytcuriousseadoggo
11 күн бұрын
@@kaiju9363from a video it seems to be a pansexual bard
@twi-knightthefox5543
5 жыл бұрын
Friend: taking a poop Me: INSPIRE! Friend: *EXPLOSIVE HYPER DIARRHEA*
@notloopers1110
5 жыл бұрын
i want "Died of *EXPLOSIVE HYPER DIARRHEA* " on my grave
@swatmajor1
5 жыл бұрын
Aaaaand Bobby was launched into the 3rd floor from ground level. ..RIP
@theweasel7222
5 жыл бұрын
I cannot stress how funny this is
@jasongibson1225
4 жыл бұрын
The absolute greatest nursery rhyme "let's go poo poo like a big kid" kinda music ever made
@MystralThunder
4 жыл бұрын
I am taking poop rn am scared
@VerumAdPotentia
5 жыл бұрын
I can sing, dance, paint, prance, make a pretty dirt drawing with a lance! Plenty of ways to further enhance, the battle-field if given the right chance!
@andrewpenn1145
5 жыл бұрын
Now you know how to play Bard, you're welcome.
@LuckySketches
5 жыл бұрын
College of Rap is the best subclass.
@lionelk.y7233
5 жыл бұрын
@@LuckySketches Collage of Dropping mad bars
@yaelcarrasquillo1675
5 жыл бұрын
Bars!!
@KrisEnby
4 жыл бұрын
This man is a bard at heart.
@kingcvst
5 жыл бұрын
DM: Okay you are now locked inside a cage because you locked yourself in a cage- Me, a bard: *sEdUCe thE lOCk* DM: nO
@gingerinajacket8519
5 жыл бұрын
This isn't only a problem with bards, I had a rogue that tried to intimidate the door. I told him that the door began to open, for him to see two guards, one of which hit him in the face with their sword's pommel and the other one asked what the fuck did he think he was doing.
@Mare_Man
5 жыл бұрын
@@gingerinajacket8519 _the guard ended him rightly_
@theclinger
5 жыл бұрын
@@gingerinajacket8519 I intimidated a wall once. It opened.
@Endershock1678
5 жыл бұрын
@@gingerinajacket8519 Nobody knows how to open a door. I've played as a Rogue with massive lockpicking proficiency (I have Expertise in it and a Dex Modifier of +5), and we got a Barbarian and Monk trying to break it down (it had a strength check of 20), a Paladin who really wanted to screw us all over with Thunderous Smite (lawful good btw), and a Ranger who wanted to Yeet our gnome through the door, all of this while the Bard was ready to help with Bardic Inspiration, and I was just sitting there watching these idiots while the two other competent people (a cyborg warlock and sorcerer gnome) in our party kept suggesting the Rogue (me) pick the lock. And this night, we were all rolling super low for some reason, so this entire interaction gave us two critical failures and caused two people to take damage. It was fun.
@debreczeniarpad9956
5 жыл бұрын
Remember when Mung tried to seduce the rebarbara plant?
@bruhboss3141
4 жыл бұрын
"I don't know how to draw stereotypes" Draw a fireball
@calvincuonz2740
5 жыл бұрын
when the bard manages to seduce a succubus: *CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH*
@frozenlizard7738
4 жыл бұрын
if my information is correct, that bard is now a pureblood vampire (maybe?)
@PupdudePwns
4 жыл бұрын
@@frozenlizard7738 Wait, so that crap in Elder Scrolls about Molag Bal making pureblood vampires through sex was actually based on something?
@frozenlizard7738
4 жыл бұрын
@@PupdudePwns I dont know about elder scrolls (it is similar)
@ansixi4194
4 жыл бұрын
@@PupdudePwns Elder scrolls started out as a custom DnD campaign so yea
@raisinsun4328
4 жыл бұрын
@@ansixi4194 yep, when a succubus kisses someone out of true love, they don't die, instead turning into a pureblood vampire capable of forming a covenant.
@Alex-yl8dz
5 жыл бұрын
Came back from the Paladin video to check if the pretty face was indeed the Paladin. I am not disappointed
@somedragonbastard
5 жыл бұрын
LET THE BARD FUCK THE PALADIN 2K19
@kassaran2092
5 жыл бұрын
@@somedragonbastard In the new Ranger vid, it has Paladin stepping on the Bard's face... Also, Ranger is in this video being brought out of the night club. Dude's got Easter Eggs on Easter eggs so I'm having to go back through and list them all.
@kassaran2092
5 жыл бұрын
Fighter is also in this video... as the fighter.
@vdsora32
5 жыл бұрын
I just wanted to see this again and I didn't realize he had this planned from the start
@geromlarayos6696
5 жыл бұрын
The orc and Elf are also his other characters...
@MrMatt8790
5 жыл бұрын
my first time play DnD I was a bard, and after a luxurious adventure of selling my body, then knocking out said buyers and stealing from them, I was rewarded 4 grilled cheeses from a kind man. Further on in the story, I lost those grilled cheeses to a godly power unbeknownst to man. From that moment forward, I dedicated my life to reclaiming those 4 grilled cheeses, until, finally, at the end of our campaign, I helped my party slay gods and demons alike to finally recieve my crispy, golden triangles of bread and dairy product. I lived a life of happiness from then on, forever preserving those grilled cheeses as my own trophies of triumph.
@strionic770
5 жыл бұрын
Amazing
@bedge7782
5 жыл бұрын
I find this character pretty cheesy
@lennimation231
5 жыл бұрын
Bet those sandwiches got pretty moldy after a while.
@phylippezimmermannpaquin2062
5 жыл бұрын
What the hell is that grilled cheese made of
@TheSyntheticAbomination
5 жыл бұрын
@@phylippezimmermannpaquin2062 the power of god
@swordbrethrenmordred1230
3 жыл бұрын
DM: ... and NO, the Bard is NOT allowed to seduce the final boss. Bard: Okay.... I roll to seduce the DM😏
@PupOrionSirius26
3 жыл бұрын
"Final boss uses great cleave to have the bard to themselves."
@ever_flowing_styx698
2 жыл бұрын
I'm playing a bard in my campaign and my girlfriend is the dm so I might use this one
@thegamingcat1524
2 жыл бұрын
Dm: …listen here ya little sh*t
@sarawhite9338
Жыл бұрын
😂Go for it, I'm the DM's GF & he's not into dudes. & Our bard has a GF, sooo... 🍿?
@laravioliiii2832
Жыл бұрын
Rolls a 20 DM: OK get in the bed
@Trizenoid
5 жыл бұрын
A painting bard is actually genius. On a quest to make the ultimate painting by seeing the sights. Doing royal commisions etc.
@cdgonepotatoes4219
5 жыл бұрын
this is why I've been looking to try and have people change the name of the bard into something broader: "non-combatant travellers", "wandering artists", "muse?". Bards sing and play with the occasional jest and pun, artists can be something different and maybe have some homebrew skills glued to them, dancers? dancers can't draw a map, they're useless but at least they can do some moves, they're not bards but they're.. there. We need a name.
@cevune-8652
5 жыл бұрын
I had a player who did exactly this. He did it during a shipwreck scenario and chose his art easel as the one thing he could snatch up before bailing and ended up visually chronicling the party's lives on a deserted island.
@seannotshawn3521
5 жыл бұрын
How exactly are you going to give inspiration roll bonus with a paintbrush? "Aha! You have given me my next masterpiece! Thank you, Fighter!" "Uh....you're welcome?" *somehow gets a +d6 to his attack roll*
@Heavenlyhounds96
5 жыл бұрын
So...basically Medieval da Vinci arguably.
@michaelmorrison1251
5 жыл бұрын
It's great until you have a Nat 1 related seizure whilst painting a portrait of a dragon and he turns you into a well done steak for making him look bad.
@Mare_Man
5 жыл бұрын
Why have a sword and an instrument, instead of *using your instrument as your weapon?* _Didgeridoo greatclub intensifies_
@jennytulls6369
4 жыл бұрын
*Crossbow violin intensifies*
@Zombiewithabowtie
4 жыл бұрын
"This is my axe, and this is my axe." "Y-you just held out your guitar twice..." *"YES."*
@ultimaterecoil1136
4 жыл бұрын
Best multipurpose weapon is a sword fish. Sword and dinner
@iaintgonna3717
4 жыл бұрын
Hunting horns rise up
@dreamfire3133
4 жыл бұрын
Great club cello y'all
@Lynaida.
5 жыл бұрын
Still waiting on that Matt Mercer with foam noodles
@dragonfire7354
5 жыл бұрын
He's getting around. It's a long list he's gotta get through. Matt isn't Santa Claus you know.
@teo-kk7zk
4 жыл бұрын
@@dragonfire7354 XD
@brandonfaddis7443
4 жыл бұрын
Yes. Bold of JoCat to assume I don't want this to happen to me.
@speedcat5477
3 жыл бұрын
He wont throw foam noodles at you ‘cuz he’s a chill guy and doesnt mind whatever way the players play the game
@speedcat5477
3 жыл бұрын
Look at 1:56 in 0.25 speed
@ndisfoshiz
3 жыл бұрын
The “shouting my greatness from the rooftop” with the “Fuck you Baltimore” made me laugh more then it really should have.
@victorqwilleran3331
2 жыл бұрын
As someone living in Baltimore, I laughed even though I felt somewhat attacked. XD
@beckhornig7910
2 жыл бұрын
@@victorqwilleran3331 I have been to Baltimore multiple times in my youth woth my mother to help with festivals and I do not. That city is falling into a sinkhole called the consequences of their own actions and so far it is not getting better.
@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice
Жыл бұрын
@@victorqwilleran3331 If it helps, it's from Big Bill Hell's!
@victorqwilleran3331
Жыл бұрын
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice home of challenge pissing?
My favorite bard experience is still prancing into the giant fortress with my Dimension Door and just shouting "we are gods!" (With my little rogue wing man behind me going "ANGRY GODS!") It worked, and I convinced Guh, the giant (whos mission in life was to eat enough that she became huge enough to get the gods attention) to let me cast Polymorph on her to turn her into her "true form". Which I claimed was going to be the goddess of gluttony, and I turned her into a hairless cat, it was beautiful.
@TheSyntheticAbomination
5 жыл бұрын
This remind me of Road to El Dorado XD
@tyokabina2829
4 жыл бұрын
I'd say you fulfilled your promise.
@iaintgonna3717
4 жыл бұрын
That is the _best._
@cordeliathedm
4 жыл бұрын
Now that's epic!
@fupa_chalupa
5 жыл бұрын
I just realized that the "pretty face" that walks by is Sasha Stoutbough from the Crap Guide to Paladin and I'm assuming that's why Felicia Gritasto (the Bard) shows up a few times in the Paladin video, that's amazing.
@ninjabluefyre3815
5 жыл бұрын
In the recent Warlock video, they actually got married.
@jakoblent4694
5 жыл бұрын
@@ninjabluefyre3815 and the Paladin died becaus of Eldritch BBBBLLLLLLAAAAASSSSTTTTT
@et3inuyasha
4 жыл бұрын
And in the Races video, Sasha and Felicia show up again when bringing up that elves are resistant to Charm spells.
@paulollarsabaiii9824
4 жыл бұрын
Gregory Stephens Their relationship is the epitome of “Do you like me?” “We’re married” “Yeah, but do you *like* like me?” and I would love a side story for those two
@apossiblyhereticalalphaleg3595
4 жыл бұрын
@@et3inuyasha And in fact Sasha just says to Felicia "You know that you could've just asked"
@theflightlessalbatross3415
5 жыл бұрын
Truly the sword and shield of D&D. "Need to do anything and everything? Grab the bard!"
@Lordike3
5 жыл бұрын
"..and then use them as the weapon."
@SwordsmanStudios
5 жыл бұрын
The motto of our party is slowly turning into "Throw the goat" . We have a satyr bard. He teams up with the druid, who turns into a goat. They're both clueless (in character, they're both pretty good players), but outmatch our barbarian. The tiny druid has been tossed satyr goat-boy our at enemies, beast shaping midway in the air into a goat. The goat bros are becoming unstoppable...#throwthegoat.
@andrewpenn1145
5 жыл бұрын
But can the bard use potions while their weapon is drawn? Not even the crazy stuff of DND can rival the SnS.
@lovaniagengar7941
4 жыл бұрын
Bard: I roll to talk the dragon to sleep *rolls 1* DM: the dragon was so enthralled by the conversation that you're growing malnourished, the rest of the party left 3 days ago. Bard: I knew I shoulda went for seduction.
@WexMajor82
Жыл бұрын
Crystal dragons could actually do that. They are the chatterboxes of the dragon world.
@godzillaboy1954
5 жыл бұрын
*reads the opening text" "You will not learn anything useful here." Me: pfft! I learned I need to play as a bard now!
@lumberluc
4 жыл бұрын
Got to give him credit. Out of all the classes, in Buffs/Heals, Control/Debuffs, Stealth/Social, and Utility/skills Bards are A-grade through and through. But they lack Tank and DPR till level 5, then their the worse tank, and better DPR. The ones who try to compete are wizards.
@namesmoriarty3388
5 жыл бұрын
I'm playing D&D for the first time and my character is actually a bard, so I tried to read a lot of stuff just to make sure I do things the best way I can but now seeing this video I realize I didn't even scratched the surface of my awesome potential. However I see many sharing fun stories, so, even though I'm still a newbie, here's my first one: So I was new on the group and on the game, so I really didn't knew what to expect. My party, 'Shingeki no Goblins' (That's the name I gave it, at least) and me were going up a mountain cause some dude told the party, before my arrival, that he was having trouble with some Goblins that had their nest somewhere on that mountain. So before we arrive, a huge, badass centaur shows up and it's ready to stomp our heads cause he's a forest guardian of some sort and doesn't like intruders, so I decide to intervene and talk to the guy, rub his back a lil, make sure he knows we are not there to cause harm to the forest and whatnot. Roll a Nat 16, I believe but since my Charisma is high AF, especially my deception, dude let's us go through and even gives us a magical horn he had. Turns out, our DM is new to the thing, and forgot to check what languages do centaurs talk, so in the end the guy did not understood a single word I said, but THE WAY I SAID IT was so convincing that he spared us. I did not get any XP but I was given 1 inspiration point for that performance.
@stm7810
4 жыл бұрын
It doesn't understand you but is flattered anyway.
@teo-kk7zk
4 жыл бұрын
@@stm7810 Is that a Undertale reference?
@stm7810
4 жыл бұрын
@@teo-kk7zk Yes :D Froggit dialogue.
@teo-kk7zk
4 жыл бұрын
@@stm7810 I see you're a man of ~culture~ Undertale as well.
@teo-kk7zk
4 жыл бұрын
Ooops culture should be crossed
@reks334
5 жыл бұрын
My bard was a prettier version of Waluigi that got eliminated from existance because he high-fived a past version of himself... Long story
@mickboontjes1674
5 жыл бұрын
That would make a great video
@bumblebot2458
5 жыл бұрын
Please, tell us more. This can't be forgotten.
@reks334
5 жыл бұрын
well, we had to fight our old party member who was an evil centaur that made a deal with the devil himself to get a lot of power. We managed to kill him but when I went to check if he was really dead he came back to life so we had to kill him again, the druid in our team managed to crit him and one shot him but the demon came back to life once more, this time he managed to kill me and the druid, turning us into undeads. The party somehow managed to kill him a third time, this time he was dead for food but me and the druid were ashes on the floor, thankfully an npc offers us a vial that could resurrect the ashes of one of the two fallen heroes, It also happens that we had these little sphere that could send one of us back in time, so of course the first thing my party did was to male a little castle out of the ashes and to pour the vial over It to see what would happen, it was not a pretty sight to say the least. Thank god for the time traveling sphere right? Wrong. One of them goes back in time and does the SAME thing again, this time tho I manage to get resurrected just fine, so now I can go back in time and resurrect my other friend so that we both live, I do just that but before we can resurrect my friend a bright idea pops in the mind of one of the party members: "can we have two bards at the same time?" We try and sure enough here is an exact copy of me, now, my DM makes this very VERY clear: " be careful not to touch your past self or viceversa, you have no idea what would happen" so the first thing that comes to mind to my party is: "if you have sex with yourself is it masturbation or incest?? You can answer that question now!!!" Thankfuly we were just joking around so nothing like that happened. What happened was that while the others were discussing what to do next I was there shouting jokes at myself so clearly what do you do when you want to express how much fun you are having? You high five yourself. Thankfully an npc offers us a vial that could resurrect the ashes of the SINGLE fallen, but now another party member has lost an ear lobe and the whole underground is a bit more sad, since everyone is missing a wandering bard in their lives. And that's the story of how an epic bard named Valdo was lost to time and space itself. But if you could help me I have a mission and a glorious vision, if we can somehow have this channel make a video about my character maybe I could convince my DM that somehow getting erased from time and space is not actually that bad and you can manage to find a very hard way to regain fisical form and become the God of TIME AND SPACE, kinda like gaster from undertale is not really really gone but is actually spreaded across the multiverse, just no one remembers him.
@mickboontjes1674
5 жыл бұрын
@@reks334 this is very relatable No but thanks for taking your time to write it out, it was a good read haha
@qwertycal1707
5 жыл бұрын
@@reks334 I don't know if there are alternative universes in d&d lore. But maybe your party can try to summon one of the alternative versions of your character that didn't get eliminated from existence.
@laws-innercircle
4 жыл бұрын
I love how he gives this so aggressively. It sounds like he’s shoving all this down our throats all while doing us a favor by thanking himself for the advice he gave you then responding with your welcome. Bloody Brilliant
@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice
Жыл бұрын
What can I SAY except, you're WELCOME!
@charlesgray6385
5 жыл бұрын
I refuse to believe there are people who don’t want Matt Mercer to break into their house and pelt them with foam
@A.Pebble
5 жыл бұрын
I mean, tbh he could just knock on my door and be like "Okay so I'm here to fling this foam at you" and I'd be "Yeah okay sure, come on in"
@Medinaxz
5 жыл бұрын
He doesn't need to break into my house. I'd happily invite him in as if he's Dracula who needs an invitation to come in and throw foam noodles at me.
@tabchanzero8229
5 жыл бұрын
Maybe we should, like, petition Matt to actually do that?
@eddiemate
5 жыл бұрын
I’m not even a fan of critical role (tried getting into season 2 but it started slow imo so didn’t get further than that) and I’d be ok with that.
@Chronopie
5 жыл бұрын
*Dragon* "I roll to seduce. 20!" "Roll a con save." "What, Why?!" "Roll the save." "6+1." "You take 12 points of bludgeoning damage. And you might want to visit the temple when you get back to town." Male dragon.
@louddirt
5 жыл бұрын
But did you die
@teamcyeborg
5 жыл бұрын
I'd let my PCs seduce dragons of any gender.
@firestorm165
5 жыл бұрын
Only 12? A moment of weakness on the dm's part it won't happen again
@Konpekikaminari
4 жыл бұрын
@@firestorm165 hey don't judge that dragon things like that happen to everyone!
@Sir_Bucket
4 жыл бұрын
@@teamcyeborg he did, he just chose to make the dragon a little too...affective
@christopherbryan160
5 жыл бұрын
4 levels in paladin go oath of redemption. 16 levels in bard go college of lore. Focus on charisma ASIs and put expertise in persuasion. You can now pass a DC 54 persuasion check. Seduce the world.
@@ianmoser9435 This is a build. My charisma is like a 9.
@ViridianForests
5 жыл бұрын
@@christopherbryan160 "So much wasted potential"
@monkeysue61
5 жыл бұрын
Lol every thing will have my babies
@macabre_and_cheese
5 жыл бұрын
Bard: I'm going to fuck the world. DM: *visibly confused on all of the planes of existence* what???? Bard: I, am going to stick my massive throbbing love meat DM: ok- Bard: into the very ground we stand upon and screw this fertile sexy soil like its never been screwed before! DM: please sto- Bard: I'M GOING TO FUCK THE PLANET SO HARD IT'LL HAVE A WOBBLE IN ITS ORBIT FOR A THOUSAND YEARS!!!! I'M GOING TO MAKE SWEET PASSIONATE LOVE TO THE PLANET AND CUM DEEP INTO THE PLANETS CORE AND MAKE PLANET BABIES!!!!! *The whole table is silent and deeply uncomfortable as the bard shouts and laughs maniacally* DM: .............................. DM: ..............*raises a finger meekly and opens his mouth to speak* DM: *sighs heavily and sinks down defeatedly behind his screen* FFFFFFFFFFFFINE! Roll a seduction check...... what's your persuasion? Bard: *leans back with the most smug look on his face* 54 DM: *reeees internally in agony* roll.....with advantage *he says through teeth clenched so tight they may crack and shatter any second*
@Mr.Roboto_
3 жыл бұрын
1:40 this hits so differently now that Mat Mercer made an appearance in the DM video.
@eldermaxson6437
5 жыл бұрын
in my campaing the bard tried to woo the main villian. *_he did_* the villian died of aids
@theepicspy570
5 жыл бұрын
Lmao.
@witherblaze
5 жыл бұрын
Tell the story.
@eldermaxson6437
5 жыл бұрын
witherblaze so when i was DMing a one timer i had a group of 4 (cleric, warlock, fighter, and of course the bard) after the introdactions while in the tavern the bard found a female persueded her to woo her (rolled an 18) after the "action" i told him he got aids and to roll a constitutio save *he rolls a 20* i told him he is immune to the desease they play through the campaign they get to the villain (wich is also female) and the bard gets an idea he tries to persued th main villain he needs to roll a critical success to do that *witch he does* he woos the villain the villain kills the bard then i fail a constitution save, the villain dies of aids and we laugh our asses of
@agsilverradio2225
5 жыл бұрын
Well, that is one way to beat the bbeg.
@abelkoh2723
5 жыл бұрын
@@agsilverradio2225 the old bone and begone
@DMGamer_PC
5 жыл бұрын
You missed Vicious Mockery, aka the cantrip that allows you to explode goblin brains by insulting them from across the room.
@matshbocks
5 жыл бұрын
*inhale* YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DONE EAT MAC BOOKS FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH, SUPPER, _AND_ DINNER
@manticore6963
5 жыл бұрын
That reminds me of the D&D Campaign by the Roll4it Crew, where their Bard used Vicious Mockery on a Hound, by shouting at him "Bad Dog!". And the poor thing just laid down and died of a broken Heart.
@handsomebeauty1829
5 жыл бұрын
My Bard once said “Your mum gay” and the person died.
@mcmosfet2856
5 жыл бұрын
He covers it in the bullet points at 0:36 "Roasts enemies to death"
@eddiemate
5 жыл бұрын
I’d like to give my favourite example of how this spell is the best one. Eloy from TFS at the table. He’s literally killed enemies by yelling "HEY YOU BIG DUMMY" and it’s wonderful.
@Someone-sq8im
4 жыл бұрын
I can't believe my girlfriend chose Bard to seduce everyone but me
@barkingmad7090
4 жыл бұрын
Someone404 F
@iaintgonna3717
4 жыл бұрын
F
@Cheeseboiga
4 жыл бұрын
F
@esteban8471
4 жыл бұрын
F
@lunasnook4509
4 жыл бұрын
F
@AuntieCarol1970
2 жыл бұрын
As a mom....THANK YOU for explaining this in a way I can understand! I have struggled thinking my son only speaks GOBLIN....when he would try and tell me about his games I was CLUELESS! I am not a nerdy mom BUT want to listen and support my boys...So seriously thank you.
@maidxxxxxx
5 жыл бұрын
my bard was a kenku who just functioned as a living record player
@miserlou2289
5 жыл бұрын
I'm playing a Kenku bard right now!!
@scp049hasbreachedcontianme9
5 жыл бұрын
I once played a game with a kenku bard and an aaracokra ranger. Let me tell you, the bard wrote a LOT of "Fuck you" songs about the ranger
@Heavenlyhounds96
5 жыл бұрын
Did you name them Stitch by any chance?
@agencymenace1090
5 жыл бұрын
K I R I??!??!?!
@OHC-mon
5 жыл бұрын
haha record player!
@MagicalMedic
5 жыл бұрын
Matthew Mercer hasn't shown up yet and I'm playing a somber bard who performs in prose and plays the violin. I need my dose of foam noodles thrown at my head.
@Vinewood8
5 жыл бұрын
Keyword here is YET ;)
@awkwardbirb5710
5 жыл бұрын
Maybe he's already shown up in spirit and is just throwing emotional foam noodles at you.
@jackmanplayz
5 жыл бұрын
*matthew Mercer appears with 300 foam noodles*
@chaselittle7751
5 жыл бұрын
He's to busy throwing them at me
@MrManicQ
5 жыл бұрын
I need my dose of Matt Mercer
@joeynelson9761
4 жыл бұрын
Just rewatched it and took a closer look at 0:07 - Don't know how I missed that >_
@CrownofMischief
3 жыл бұрын
@@ShugoAWay would've thought Pocahontas would play more of a druid than a paladin
@CrownofMischief
3 жыл бұрын
@@ShugoAWay I mean, wasn't the movie version of Pocahontas all about freedom of expression and learning from other people? Hard to see that as a "no fun lawful paladin"
@TheQueerLeaf99
3 жыл бұрын
❤️
@lnt305
3 жыл бұрын
Holy shit, I watched this so many times and I always was like "What's with the random Disney princess insert". Sneaky bastard
@Anstent1419
5 жыл бұрын
Yeah Im actually a condomancer
@liam-ethanwallis4924
5 жыл бұрын
Remember not to let your concentration break ;)
@Punintentionally
5 жыл бұрын
So the school of magic that deals with condos?
@TheAmubis
5 жыл бұрын
@@Punintentionally yeah, they summoned the entire apartement
@MapleBull95
5 жыл бұрын
You get a permanent -6 to charisma if you use condoms as a bard. Thems the rules. In fact, you gain +1 to charisma for each STD you manage to catch.
@Punintentionally
5 жыл бұрын
@@MapleBull95 Really?! I have to go adjust my character sheet!!
@fedechan6325
4 жыл бұрын
Me: this class sounds good Him: they're lust compelled sex-deviants Me: .......I've found my class
@cordeliathedm
4 жыл бұрын
Honestly, same though.
@goroakechi6126
4 жыл бұрын
*gets the lube*
@BEEEES
4 жыл бұрын
The fact that I want to play a bard and I'm planning on him being bi but asexual towards women kinda makes me feel like he will end up being the closest thing to a virgin in a group of stereotypical bards.
@fedechan6325
4 жыл бұрын
@@BEEEES and his bard friends will all be supportive about that if they're real friends
@oscarwang7227
3 жыл бұрын
@@BEEEES so he’s gay
@probablynotasith5355
5 жыл бұрын
My current D&D party: 1 - A cleric who hates healing 2 - A fighter with the Str stat of a Wizard 3 - A Rogue who never uses sneak attack 4 - A Wild magic Sorcerer with an obsession with Catnip (They're a Tabaxi....) 5 - A player who has their character die every few session because the DM hates them 6 - The Assimar Bard with expertise in intimidation who can turn into a fallen angel having everyone within 10ft of them to wet their pants and dealing a ridiculous amount of necrotic damage in the process with an aura of death and fear.(Why do I have to be the only one who takes the game seriously?)
@Straven93
5 жыл бұрын
I prefer a wizard with the str stat of a fighter. no one expects you to cast fist
@notloopers1110
5 жыл бұрын
@@Straven93 I CAST *BIG STICK*
@matthewdc6
4 жыл бұрын
I'm curious what stats/abilities/spell the bard is using for that mass affect... I need some tips for mine
@ChevaliersEmeraude
4 жыл бұрын
@@matthewdc6 It's an Aasimar ability, specifically a Fallen Aasimar ability, but all Aasimar types have an ability that, among other things, allow them to do extra damage each turn! For the Fallen Aasimar and the ability they are talking about here, it's called Necrotic Shroud, and it causes the frightened condition to anyone around them who fails their saving throw and, for one minute, they can deal extra Necrotic damage each turn they hit an opponent, equal to their character level! Only downside, I'm pretty sure you can only use that move once per Long Rest!
@jessieevans8258
4 жыл бұрын
What's a rouge?
@shiy6055
4 жыл бұрын
Bard :*casually painting a Bob Ross painting during the final fight * Everyone : *inspired*
@greenredblue
8 ай бұрын
"Looks like this BBEG is gonna have... _a happy little accident..."_
@marmotbro4673
5 жыл бұрын
At my table I am banned from playing Bard after I ended what was supposed to be a very long campaign in the third session with clever use of a Hold Person spell, a flying lute and a Barbarian.
@lykillcorreli6740
5 жыл бұрын
Oh? Do tell.
@marmotbro4673
5 жыл бұрын
@@lykillcorreli6740 Well a few weeks before the campaign started we created our characters and the DM asked us about magical items and ones we wanted. Me being a bard and king of the rhumba beat I wanted an Instrument of the Bards, specifically the Doss Lute. Fast forward to the first session, we are introduced to an allied Dragon, who coincidentally had a large stash of treasure including all of the magical items the players said they wanted. We would receive one piece of her treasure if we did a quest. Me being a bard, seduced the dragon and convinced her that we could get the job done better if I "borrowed" the lute. Fast forward 2 weeks later, after some shenanigans breaking the druid out of jail, on top of the clock tower in the middle of town the dark evil dude started an evil ritual of some sort. Now the DM planned for this to be an introduction of the main bad guy, but what happened instead is I cast Fly on the Barbarian, he picked me up and Superman'd to the top of the tower. I used Hold Person on the bad dude, and the Barbarian simply picked him up and threw him off. Once he landed the DM ruled he was not dead from fall damage, but the hold person was still in effect, so we tied him up and carried him back to the friendly dragon. She ate him. And that's how we became heroes.
@zapper717
5 жыл бұрын
@@marmotbro4673 Damn, prompt service and you do delivery. She better have given you a tip.
@andrewpenn1145
5 жыл бұрын
@@marmotbro4673 your DM must have been tearing his hair out.
@caseyhudson4929
5 жыл бұрын
Seems like they shouldn't have introduced their big bad on the top of a clock tower if they didn't want him to fall off it. Murphy's law, they really should've seen it coming. I mean, this villain is meant to be _that_ important to the story that the _entire_ campaign hinges on this guy staying alive? Come on, he had no legendary resistances? He didn't have a Wizard cast a clone spell on him? There's a million and one ways out of having him captured or killed. Hell, just have him cheat death by means of some other kind of resurrection. If the DM _really_ wanted that very long campaign they could have had it with the snap of their fingers.
@Azeur
5 жыл бұрын
I'm keeping an eye on those figurines ...
@basilschizas2211
5 жыл бұрын
Same. He's gonna screw around with something.
@ncdxero88
5 жыл бұрын
@@basilschizas2211 Probably the Bard. Bard *screws* everything.
@spicydragon301
5 жыл бұрын
Same
@pohatunuva3771
5 жыл бұрын
Meanwhile, my party's rogue is the horny one and the bard is a chill salesman... With a healthy lack of ethics in everything besides selling stuff.
@goldlink567
5 жыл бұрын
Mine too, expect I took a joke to far and made my Bard a furry... don't let your rouges pickpocket building and take the door people or else you could be dressing up as a furry to trick a salesman.
@nathanabel8169
5 жыл бұрын
.... as a bard, I was a Tiefling chior boy. It's a funny story and part of his sales pitch "lemme tell ya the story of me conception." As a Rogue... I have talked the enemy out of combat enough that the rest of the party got mad. So I seduced the princess to make the queen unleash her entire army on us. All according to plan. Fortunately i already had the General and Blacksmith seduced to aid us as well.
@beastwarsFTW
5 жыл бұрын
Thats how I play bards, that and they fake other classes like how people lie on resumes.
@samuellee178
5 жыл бұрын
Never let the smart ones become bard....never.
@zamb4010
4 жыл бұрын
You inspired one of my players to create a Bard who didn't sing, she was a tabaxi who painted pictures with her tail. The flavor of that character was absolutely beautiful
@paranidherc
5 жыл бұрын
You beautiful bastard did it again! Awesome guide, thanks XD
@ironmilutin
5 жыл бұрын
Take that back! It's a crap guide and you know it
@slushthefox1234
4 жыл бұрын
"All rouges are claptomaniacs." Me, a rouge main: Well...
@popitrekker1543
4 жыл бұрын
Well get clapping rouge
@SnivyTries
4 жыл бұрын
That moment when you were about to do a Fireball-level burn over a single misspelled word and you realize you're a bad person. XD
@namekman01
4 жыл бұрын
rogue... rouge is makeup
@crimsonwizahd2358
4 жыл бұрын
"yelling at container of rouge" *CLAP DAMN YOU!*
@JohnSmith-ex8iw
3 жыл бұрын
@@crimsonwizahd2358 *suddenly disappears and claps ur cheeks with a crit hit sneak attack*
@LeroyJ12
5 жыл бұрын
I've watched this video many times over now, and only just noticed Jocat's character wearing a wig with the other disney princesses at 0:07
@Obi1Classic
5 жыл бұрын
As did I like 10 minutes ago, don't worry
@Wrightkov
5 жыл бұрын
wow good call lol
@wintertigerdraws
5 жыл бұрын
Oh! I didn't notice until I read this. I kept looking at Arial and never bothered to look around.
@juggerNOTtoday
5 жыл бұрын
That's Cinderella's hair W h a t h a p p e n e d
@benjaminwertz2379
4 жыл бұрын
@@juggerNOTtoday He couldn't remember if it was 'laying bitches and slaying witches' or 'laying witches and slaying bitches'
@doggosplosion
3 жыл бұрын
And that future kids is how Bards are all the parents of Sorcerers, by seducing during campaign boss fights.
@Elenrai
2 жыл бұрын
Does that mean if I did so with my tabaxi lorebard, all sorcerers in the future could be cat girls/boys with a strong dose of ADHD? ....This sounds like a really bad idea.... I AM GONNA DO IT!!!
@georgeuferov1497
2 жыл бұрын
@@Elenrai I don't wanna be that person, but Sorcerers don't have to have magical parents. Most of them (wild magic, storm sorcery, divine soul, clockwork soul, sometimes abberant mind) seem to come from ordinary people being randomly 'irradiated' by pure magic from other planes. Also apparently you can literally make your own a Sorcerer in a pot
@azekiel2114
5 жыл бұрын
Not gonna lie, that was a pretty sick rap at the end Just like a true bard main. I salute you
@Jamstaro1
5 жыл бұрын
Still love the lesser known fact ur adding miniatures of the classes u cover... Swell wishes and keep it up it made veterans laugh
@Striner1772
5 жыл бұрын
Even after knowing he did the same thing for MHW (and making the LS longer) I still failed to notice this. Am I even a real HIJEK fan anymore.
@warriorfire8103
5 жыл бұрын
It's my favorite part about the video
@peterwhite6415
5 жыл бұрын
I wonder if hell pick a diference race or if hell repeat a few.
@SpamDestroyer
5 жыл бұрын
I hope he keeps making the bard sexier
@ihatethatyoutubedisplaysyo8106
5 жыл бұрын
@@SpamDestroyer do this
@rowanheart8122
4 жыл бұрын
I don't even play DND, nor do I have a basement or friends to play DND with. But, if I survive until next year, I can join the DND club
@jonathanrich9281
4 жыл бұрын
Try playing online. There are probably subreddits for people who are looking for groups.
@acarnivorouslizardfolk1033
3 жыл бұрын
You’re almost there!
@Void-rj3sq
3 жыл бұрын
did you survive?
@ed1434
3 жыл бұрын
That's a mood right here
@ed1434
3 жыл бұрын
@@jonathanrich9281 yeah but (personally) the best way to play dnd (even as a first time) is with friends or at the very least people you know
@MizukiStone44
3 жыл бұрын
I remember one Bard character I saw who was actually an old army dude and his form of inspiration was telling stories like 'this reminds me of the time we-'
@rokechikan4481
5 жыл бұрын
Bard: I’m going to seduce the Dragon! DM: You won’t seduce the Dragon, it will eat you- Bard: NATURAL 20!!! Looks like that Dragon is going to eat me, if you know what I mean~ DM: OH GOD DAMNI-
@stm7810
4 жыл бұрын
the dragon has a vore fetish, it eats you for real, but it's very fun for both of you.
@DragonNexus
4 жыл бұрын
A good DM will never let a player roll something that is impossible to succeed at =B
@justbrowsing4925
4 жыл бұрын
Or you just make them seduce a male dragon and then roll for damage. If you know what I mean.
@That_One_Guy_In_A_Band
4 жыл бұрын
@@justbrowsing4925 So funny story about that... My friend was testing out his DM skills on us with a one-shot, and since he had never DMed before, it was an insane, no rules, anything goes, homebrew one shot. So we get to the dragon, the second to last boss, and my character, an executioner, looks at my friend's character, a bard, and yells "You're a bard! Seduce it or something!" upon which my friend rolled a Nat 20. The DM then just sighed, rolled his dice, went "Oh... Oh no..." and rolled again, looking my bard friend dead in the eyes. The conversation was as follows: "So, I'm sorry to say this, but you just took 16 points of bludgeoning damage." "I what?" "Oh, and you bleed 1 hp every 1.5 minutes until you either die or get healed" "What? Why?" "It was a male dragon. It impaled you. I'd describe the scene, but it was too grotesque, even for this party." The bard got healed, but he was never the same after that. The player, on the other hand, laughed his ass off, as did the rest of us.
@KapitanQaz
4 жыл бұрын
Look 'em in the eyes and say "DC:60 we're playing Pathfinder now bich"
@genericname8749
5 жыл бұрын
Lay dragons you say? *NOW THAT'S MY KIND OF CLASS*
@jordy7625
4 жыл бұрын
Same 😏
@lem2004
4 жыл бұрын
And died of snu snu
@MonkeyJedi99
4 жыл бұрын
@@lem2004 The body is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
@GrassPokeKing
4 жыл бұрын
"Lay on hands"? More like "lay on dragon"
@Fletchayabetcha
3 жыл бұрын
Me as a dragonborn bard: we making this work
@frozeneevee
3 жыл бұрын
Quest Giver: Did you slay the dragon? Bard: Wait, slay? I thought you said lay!
@Version2LP
5 жыл бұрын
The fact I find your Tiefling Bard so hot means you made an amazing Bard and that I am now also a Bard. Thanks Joseph :)
@cryw1092
5 жыл бұрын
Tiefling bards of either sex tend to be the sexiest bards.
@brandonwelsh5090
5 жыл бұрын
Thank God I'm not the only one who thought that
@clowntown5220
5 жыл бұрын
Hell yes? WHY DO I KEEP FINDING PEOPLE WITH MY NAME ITS FUCKING WEIRD FOR ME
@geromlarayos6696
5 жыл бұрын
*He ain't the only One who made Tiefling Bards*
@eddiemate
5 жыл бұрын
I don’t know how, but every Tiefling bard is really hot. I love it.
@KarmaHauntsYou
5 жыл бұрын
>cant play music irl >guess I'm playing music in any game that offers me the option >"The Thunder Rolled like Waves on Black Seas" >everything dies
@jberrethful
4 жыл бұрын
Normies: Dungeons and Dragons Bards: Dragons and Sex Dungeons.
@dillonbenson5908
4 жыл бұрын
Hell of a username
@Max_G4
4 жыл бұрын
*in
@fearanger1
4 жыл бұрын
No. *BAD* Dragons and Sex Dungeons.
@CharlieCat18
4 жыл бұрын
FearRanger this is the best version 😂
@thomaslam1608
3 жыл бұрын
Slept drangon and sex dungeon
@TheShurimanPigeon
4 жыл бұрын
This video was what made me wanna play bard for my first DND session. Within the first session he stole a mask and hijacked an elven parade. And he's a skeleton.
@EldritchDoodler4828
5 жыл бұрын
*Why did the Jack Skelington INSPIRED get me so hard*
@strionic770
5 жыл бұрын
In what way ;)
@baburik
5 жыл бұрын
something about bones and boners...
@bartleby116
5 жыл бұрын
I'm a little sad you couldn't fit in magical secrets. Bards can know literally ANY spell in the fucking game. Still though, great job.
@moonwalkingmyers8749
5 жыл бұрын
Ya with their 1 spell slot
@Felinius
5 жыл бұрын
Animate Objects. Only one you need. Want to become a one bard band? Want to bludgeon a dragon to death with it’s own gold?
@shirt9862
5 жыл бұрын
0:07 holy crap hes actually at the table
@shirt9862
5 жыл бұрын
@Dewani90 cinderella's real name is Ella
@Randomizer903
4 жыл бұрын
0:16 Love that reference. Even if it is a typo.
@blooodybladez
5 жыл бұрын
What do you mean Matt Mercer will NOT actually throw foam noodles at me for not playing a stereotypical D&D character because he doesn't judge the way I have fun & is a genuinely swell guy. Also why he may throw foam noodles at ME for other reasons and I should still watch my bac..... oh.....
@pedroxavier4227
5 жыл бұрын
Liam: Matt could't came *throws foam*
@bradkylep
5 жыл бұрын
"You have to follow that contract or Matt Mercer will break into your house and throw foam noodles at you." And now I will make a barbarian with a noble background!
@gingerinajacket8519
5 жыл бұрын
Mad King
@Condorito380
4 жыл бұрын
I believe it was the book Sabrael about the lawful good girl necromancer that contained a noble barbarian. Basically dude lost his shit in combat but was otherwise a pretty swell noble.
@erikakorpela3027
5 жыл бұрын
me: makes bard character Bard: i want to Seduce a dragon! also bard: is dragonborn lol
@kirierjiro6436
4 жыл бұрын
That should at least protect you from damage
@santiagofurlani7437
4 жыл бұрын
Lol I'm currently playing a dragonborn bard and when I was writing the first things (before I started to take it seriously) I put "Fuck a dragon/masturbate (they're equivalents)"
@sageoftruth
3 жыл бұрын
Is his name Oedipus?
@JohnSmith-ex8iw
3 жыл бұрын
That'd prob give you dis, seeing as all true dragons hate dragonborns.
@Khajiidaro
3 жыл бұрын
Like father like son.
@Paulunatr
Жыл бұрын
I knew a guy who made a bard with sock puppets as his performance skill. Had different personalities and voices for whichever puppet was fronting at the time.
@williammagnaye8315
5 жыл бұрын
I have the most dysfunctional group known to man. There's this one guy planning play a bard, but he will become a one man band. He said his instrument of choice is an organ with wheels, the pedals playing war drums, the pipes blowing out fire, and the second set of piano keys playing every instrument. I'm quite fascinated as to how he thought that out.
@snugg-slugg
4 жыл бұрын
"All bards are lust compeld sex deviants" Me: *causally looks toward my 15 year old goblin bard*
@BEEEES
4 жыл бұрын
Looks to my rainbow half-asexual bard.
@cookiebombcasualemail5284
4 жыл бұрын
...did you know that goblins canonically reach maturity at the age of 8?
@maximillionchaoswolf
4 жыл бұрын
@@cookiebombcasualemail5284 to be fair even with multiple books the rate at which the different races age could still be shown a lot more clearly. its not easy to keep track of this way.
@cookiebombcasualemail5284
4 жыл бұрын
@@maximillionchaoswolf Try 5etools
@datkhornedog899
3 жыл бұрын
*Goblin Slaying rising up*
@yeetles296
5 жыл бұрын
In my next campaign, we’re gonna be a hippie band of bards spreading our sick tunes because we don’t need those fancy clerics or barbarians when we can murder orcs with our funky songs
@NimhLabs
5 жыл бұрын
By murder orcs you mean have lots of sex wit the orcs. Then go out for a pack of smokes when the ones that can get knocked up get all belly swoll.
@NimhLabs
4 жыл бұрын
@verlie King Oh, it was well known for a while. Just nobody says it, because it would only encourage the Bards.
@hotcottagecoregramma6703
3 жыл бұрын
I made my bard a fortune teller who casts spells with her Tarot deck instead of picking an instrument for her. Apparently she's also very good at figuring out the backstories of the party, all of whom seem to have an unhealthy amount of secrets.
@frydfish4934
5 жыл бұрын
I've seen all kinds of characters in each class and creed. Crafted carefully by kind hands and clever wits to subvert and surpass each previous creation in complexity and indearment. But never, not once have I seen someone play a bard that wasn't horny.
@Kyla-Stormhazard
4 жыл бұрын
Imagine how crazy bard college was
@humanbeing5086
4 жыл бұрын
BARD ORGY BARD ORGY
@sweetielea3194
3 жыл бұрын
Haha, I actually play an asexual bard that only wants attention when its not lustful attention. My bard nopes out of any situation where someone is flirting with her.
@VanymStorm
3 жыл бұрын
Plot twist: horny paladin. (Oath of Conquest, probably.)
@Khajiidaro
3 жыл бұрын
Well when you main stat is charisma and you get to choose persuasion and performance, best to use your strengths to your advantage. I honestly prefer the bard class because of the jack of all trades feature that I plan to abuse until all DMs collectively ban the class because not even the gods themselves can stop the sexual tyrant that is the bard class.
@gyclamenfrostfire3484
5 жыл бұрын
This inspired me to make a interesting bard. She's a gnome with a really big heavy coat and a ton of colorful scarves that you can't see past her nose. What makes her so different from a lot of other bards is that she is a mute. The only thing she carries on the out side her coat is a bunch of pouches holding different colors of sand. To give inspiration to her teammates, she throws down the sand to make art on the ground. As she does it, it looks like she's dancing. Whenever she's nervous she'll retreat into her coat and start to crochet more scarves. Her main weapon is a sling and she tucked inside her scarves. She'll also give some scarves to someone as a gift or if they're sad or cold. And because she never talks, you probably won't learn her name. She lives on the nicknames everyone gives her.
@TheAmazingBoogeyMan
4 жыл бұрын
I absolutely adore this idea.
@gyclamenfrostfire3484
4 жыл бұрын
@@TheAmazingBoogeyMan really? Thank you!! Feel free to try and play her if you'd like!
@BEEEES
4 жыл бұрын
This is the cutest thing in the whole universe I need this in my life!
@gyclamenfrostfire3484
4 жыл бұрын
@@BEEEES Aw thank you!!
@sweetielea3194
3 жыл бұрын
I am STILL waiting for Mercer to throw noodles at me for making an asexual bard only interested in being glamorous.
@valentinapetraeterovicbubl2756
Жыл бұрын
slayy
@iellswo
5 жыл бұрын
1:40 Do I spy the Paladin from the latest episode making an early appearance?
@zanthe_
5 жыл бұрын
I'm almost shocked at the level of detail in this series.
@gatonoturno7159
5 жыл бұрын
Don't forget the moment in 1:28 i think it's the half-orc from the ranger video
@Heavysandvich24
5 жыл бұрын
in the cleric video the sorcerer is floating
@jayhill8892
5 жыл бұрын
Yes, as the pretty face that distracts the Bard. Now watch the Warlock video and look at who got married :)
@jakoblent4694
5 жыл бұрын
@@jayhill8892 and divorced because of the warlock
@byte.mp311
5 жыл бұрын
Bards are the Swiss Army knife of D&D.
@jonathanbubley4893
5 жыл бұрын
Vern the Fox black Dragonborn. I respect that. What class?
@JKPancake
5 жыл бұрын
If the knife was a chainsaw and the screwdriver was a condom dispenser than yes a bard is the swiss army knife of dnd
@estebanramirez1178
5 жыл бұрын
Your channel is the reason why I decided to play D&D. This video is why I main bards.
@gamertwo6263
4 жыл бұрын
Same... Except I only played dnd once over the course of about 4 days
@TheOGBasementGremlin
Жыл бұрын
Whelp, better get ready for the foam noodle onslaught
@witchBoi_Connor
5 жыл бұрын
So far we’ve got a dwarf barbarian and a tiefling bard. I see where this is going.
@phyvo
5 жыл бұрын
Night elf rogue?
@kingcorporeal
5 жыл бұрын
THIS IS BLOODSTONE HELLFIRE, MY HALF-NIGHT ELF ROGUE WITH DUAL SCIMITARS AND A PET PANTHER THAT FEASTS ON THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED. HIS PARENTS WERE KILLED BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT, HE WAS RAISED BY MOTHERFUCKING SHADOWS AND HIS BROTHER IS ALSO HIS RIVAL AND THEY HAVE EPIC ANIME BATTLES LIKE NARUTO AND SASUKE DO IN MY FAVORITE SHOW OF ALL TIME. OH YEAH AND HE ALSO WEARS A BLACK CLOAK MADE OF FUCKING NIGHTMARES AND MORE BELTS THAN THE AVERAGE SUBURBAN COOKOUT
@jimjimmy8900
5 жыл бұрын
@@kingcorporeal HE ALSO FEASTS HIMSELF IN ORPHAN BLOOD EVERY NIGHT AND KNOWS HOW TO CAST MISTY STEP BUT THE MIST IS BLACK
@chainsnz8164
5 жыл бұрын
@@jimjimmy8900 but secretly he has a heart of gold
@jimjimmy8900
5 жыл бұрын
@@chainsnz8164 he was always Chaotic Neutral and converted in the mid of the campaign
@zidanetribal1406
5 жыл бұрын
I’d love to hear about a bard who’s basically Silvagunner. Taking well known songs in D&D and changing them with memes and jokes until they sound completely different xD
@stm7810
4 жыл бұрын
silver crossbower
@jennytulls6369
4 жыл бұрын
*The party steps into the dungeon and faces the enemy* *The bard begins playing an epic/Celtic version of We are Number One*
@iaintgonna3717
4 жыл бұрын
YEEEES.
@spindash64
3 жыл бұрын
Through the nuts and the shacks
@PupOrionSirius26
3 жыл бұрын
Have you watched Critical Role? 😂
@abouttime837
5 жыл бұрын
_nyeh_
@someoneofnoimportance2856
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for bringing up how bards can do things besides music for their performance!! One of my best bards was a mime, and completely mute. Throughout the yearlong campaign he only communicated through body language, and would mimic the person's desired action succeeding when giving them inspiration.
@JimFaindel
5 жыл бұрын
I can attest to Mercer's noodle throwing curse, my God is this depiction accurate!
@pandalion342
5 жыл бұрын
And I watched this after creating a bard character that literally flirted with gods once and succeeded... whoops.
@scribblerstudios9895
3 жыл бұрын
Uuuuuh could we get some more story for that?
@pandalion342
3 жыл бұрын
@@scribblerstudios9895sure, tho it was a while ago and I barely remember much from the campaign itself.. Cassie is a half elf who flirts with literally everything, but this one was more of a dm-approved backstory... my character used to date a god and then broke up with him, because she's not about to settle down and yet neither of them are over one another.. so every time he showed up during the campaign she'd lowkey flirt with him. which, with my flirting skills being as terrible as they are, ended with pick up lines. I think they started dating when she used the "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" line, what with him being a literal god-
@scribblerstudios9895
3 жыл бұрын
@@pandalion342 pffft perfect line for the situation, well played
@PupOrionSirius26
3 жыл бұрын
"Oh Lord!"
@CairoCreations
3 жыл бұрын
*when you don’t follow bard stereotypes but nobody cares because you make role play and diplomacy segments actually enjoyable and interesting*
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