Just got officially diagnosed yesterday! After four years of being ignored by literally everybody. Thank you so much for your videos, that were a huge part in helping my parents understand my daily struggles :)
@HowtoADHD
4 жыл бұрын
aww welcome to the tribe!! *hugs*
@dreamchaser7177
4 жыл бұрын
It's so hard being a girl with ADHD, I feel your pain. Welcome to the tribe, Jessica's videos are so helpful!
@soul_asmr
4 жыл бұрын
Alexia Laurie 🥺🥺🥺🥺 getting diagnosed was one of the greatest moments of my life. I am so so happy for you and wish you so much luck on the rest of your journey!!! If you start taking medicine just make sure to look up side effects and keep a close eye out for them. They’re not all bad!! But everyone reacts differently (esp if you have asthma etc)
@soul_asmr
4 жыл бұрын
Charity Edge for real 🥺
@madalice5134
4 жыл бұрын
Welcome to the tribe, fellow brain. If you're going to start medication, make sure to keep an eye on the side effects, especially loss of appetite, if you are going to be on adderall or ritalin. It's really easy to forget to eat at all when you have your appetite just vanish. I set reminders on my phone to eat because that's the only side effect that never went away. Best of luck to you.
@janeldavis905
4 жыл бұрын
My husband is the king of helping without parenting. If he sees that I'm off track he'll say something like, "This is a gentle reminder that you wanted to be working in the yard." Then he'll give me a kiss and walk away. It's perfect because it doesn't feel like criticism and it never makes me feel ashamed-- just understood and accepted ❤️
@Pesso121
3 жыл бұрын
You have a great husband
@baggageatthedoor5463
3 жыл бұрын
How sweeet!!!!!!! Love it!
@mariastevens6406
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for this. I just entered into a relationship with someone who has ADHD and this has been a great tip.
@janeldavis905
3 жыл бұрын
@@watchaholic99 I'm so glad it helps! There can be such a thin line between statements that make us ADHDers feel supported and statements that make us feel ashamed! Our dear spouses must feel like tightrope walkers at times! LOL Good for you for communicating your needs, and good for him for adapting :D
@PichuElric
3 жыл бұрын
@Anna Bald Divorce him
@Macluny
4 жыл бұрын
"THIS IS me trying." hit close to home. wanted to scream that to my ex but my guilt shut me up.
@K3zz21
4 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry 😢
@Macluny
4 жыл бұрын
@@K3zz21 meeh. the trick is to learn from all experiences, good or bad =)
@hitsunakousaka9497
4 жыл бұрын
IKR, and they make it worse by saying "Try harder"
@pierowmania2775
4 жыл бұрын
@@hitsunakousaka9497 They only say that because they don't truly understand how hard we do try. Unfortunately they can't see our internal efforts. If only they could...
@hitsunakousaka9497
4 жыл бұрын
@@pierowmania2775 ikr ;_;
@TheSasquatch14
4 жыл бұрын
“This is ME TRYING” is an echo that has resonated throughout my life. So often met by being told I’m not trying hard enough.
@heatherm5405
4 жыл бұрын
Same 😪
@iqi616
4 жыл бұрын
My teachers would have saved a lot of time by making an ink stamp: "Michael would do better in __________ if only he would apply himself"
@samlafontaine8552
4 жыл бұрын
Peoples high expectations are usually to blame, because apparently everyone has the exact same brain? Pfft! I don’t think we’re ever the problem tbh :/
@deanrichard1770
4 жыл бұрын
iqi616 saaaaaame
@ilikeglitterwhores
3 жыл бұрын
Same. And constantly being accused of being lazy or told " you just need to work on time management" or " you just need to apply yourself" etc.
@lemonshark4961
4 жыл бұрын
Honestly how do you get people to take you seriously when you tell them you have adhd? It always feels like an excuse when i explain why i cant do something.
@izzynarnia3619
4 жыл бұрын
Dude I feel the same way ://
@sarazigova5873
4 жыл бұрын
@Liina Ennusaar well its not as easy as u think
@lujanr32
4 жыл бұрын
"don't see it as an excuse, see it as an explanation"
@terrynb1922
4 жыл бұрын
Yes...I try not to wave the "ADHD Banner" all the time. Sometimes I just know when someone is not going to "get" me. They say they will - maybe genuinely will try - but take a look at their actions and their life...you can tell. "Nah...can't handle this."
@MusicMAAD
4 жыл бұрын
I feel the same. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't even explain myself but then everyone seems to think that I'm not doing enough.
@elizaelle2929
4 жыл бұрын
6:40 when you said “we feel like we don’t deserve to ask for things because who are we to ask for what we need when we’re not doing enough” that part really hit me.
@gomolemokau3562
3 жыл бұрын
Me too
@ashiff7781
2 жыл бұрын
Oh man....you never know where would you learn important lesson in life. I've just learned to teach my kids how "good-enough" they are and how much they deserve to ask for help.
@camillegerhardt8990
2 жыл бұрын
Same!
@andymania13
2 жыл бұрын
Yep. Felt that deep thread throughout my entire life
@lu.ciel8770
2 жыл бұрын
This hit
@nathangrubb6945
4 жыл бұрын
As my ADHD wife and I were watching this, she got up to start doing the dishes about 8 minutes through. About halfway through the dishes, she stopped and came back into the room dancing and humming like a cartoon character.
@warriorqueen8285
3 жыл бұрын
This is so me. Your wife is so beautiful I love her already
@joshuagavaghan224
3 жыл бұрын
Beautiful.
@XeniasWorld
3 жыл бұрын
This made me chuckle
@dericflairmultiverse4952
3 жыл бұрын
poetry in motion
@sebastiannickel4377
3 жыл бұрын
This made me happy. :)
@warrenxanthos8241
3 жыл бұрын
"ADHD doesn't create new problems, it just exacerbates the universal struggles" Wow, perfect. What a great way to explain that.
@Mystik3eb
4 жыл бұрын
God it's amazing to feel the release in my chest when I hear you saying the exact same things I think on a regular basis. "I messed up again, it's because I'm so awful, augh". It...hurts. The Inner Critic is a real nasty thing, something that comes about to anyone who experiences trauma as a child, not just us ADHD people who are simply MORE LIKELY to experience trauma since we're such spazs, and since cultural understanding of ADHD is still SOOOO BADDD.
@familywilliams4058
4 жыл бұрын
Yes, this, pretty much every video. I've known for a while now that I had ADHD, I was diagnosed at a military hospital when I was married to my first husband (I've now had TWO marriages fall apart and really wish I knew more about ADHD earlier in my life...). The problem is that when I moved back home, the military hospital never transferred my medical records, and my doctors here have been like "well, do you want me to give you any medication?" without really helping me find someone who could explain what ADHD actually was. I always said no to the meds, because I was in a stable career, and didn't think it interfered too much with my daily life (boy was I wrong). Taking the time to really learn about it these last few months has made a huge difference in my life, and I'm already doing much better then before, at least mentally. Though my house is currently a mess because I have returned to college and it seems I cannot do both chores and homework...(I am getting a's in both of my classes though.)
@Mystik3eb
4 жыл бұрын
@@familywilliams4058 Sounds like you've had a lifetime of untreated ADHD like I did until last year. Sorry for your struggles. I've definitely had a hard time with friends and relationships, and I can trace most of these difficulties back to ADHD. Only learning I have it at 32 has been life-changing. I'm still slowly learning everything there is to know about the impact it makes on our lives and thoughts and emotions. Good luck with school! Let things be messy if that makes it easier for you, but also be open to recognizing if keeping things messy actually makes things worse for you by keeping you depressed or stressed about "all the work I've got to do to eventually clean all this up". Only you can know what works for you. Good luck!
@dannymacgyver
3 жыл бұрын
This is sooo much me as well
@rupandita2683
3 жыл бұрын
X2!!!!!
@rolita12
4 жыл бұрын
This is wonderful. I think ADHD in some adults is much worse when it comes to relationships, especially with a significant other or dating. It’s a pain to date when you know you suffer real rejection sensitive dysphoria.
@SonsOfLorgar
4 жыл бұрын
And when one is like me and is oblivious to whom, if anyone in a general company the flirting is directed doesn't make it easier to notice if someone is interested in me either...
@AlfieAlpaca
4 жыл бұрын
True! I went to counseling and she helped me so much with my self esteem and insecurities. Now that I'm in a relationship, those feelings are coming back, so I'm going to go back to her and talk to her about them. My ADHD makes having a romantic relationship a little harder to work for, but with help, I'm sure I can make my relationship fulfillment and long-lasting.
@terrynb1922
4 жыл бұрын
Agree! I'm not so much worried about the other person's feelings or me hurting them, it's more about me internalizing their feelings about the way I handle things in my life. I'm the one taking things personally!
@ashakaROCKY
4 жыл бұрын
I don’t have ADHD but my husband was recently diagnosed with it and seeing this makes me realize how much I have pushed away from him in the past because I felt like he wasn’t trying enough... I am so glad I found your channel. Since my husband and son have been diagnosed I have been pouring over resources to better understand.. I want to be an advocate for sure. So happy I found your channel 😊❤️
@ShirtlessSimonCowell
4 жыл бұрын
Lol Jessica saying her place looked like a mess went off but "this is me trying" basically is a summary of my place 90% of the time. I'll be doing multiple loads of laundry, trying to sort papers, do dishes, cook and put stuff up, etc. It'll be over a few days or so, but I won't finish something before starting more so everything is out at once. It's because if stuff is out of sight, it might not get done and I keep telling myself I'll have it all done way sooner than I ever get it done.
@gracealice9176
4 жыл бұрын
Rebecca A. WOW I really relate to this!!! Keeping things that I have to get done/things in general in places where I can see them is really important for me because often if they get put away I forget them. This is tough for people who live with me and don’t want to deal with my stuff/clutter being out all the time 😅😅
@ShirtlessSimonCowell
4 жыл бұрын
@@gracealice9176 The stuggle is too real. In case it helps I'll share some of what I try to minimize that. Sometimes I find that having something in sight but a little put together more neatly helps with the look of clutter. Like I might put my clean clothes in a laundry bag and put that laundry bag in my clothes basket so there's not clothes just spread out everywhere. Or I might stack papers I need to organize by switching between them being landscape or portrait for each set I have semi organized (That's helpful when I have a group of things that are related so I'm not just undoing my progress and mixing up school stuff with medical stuff and bills, etc. If nothing is organized or I don't know what to do with something in that moment, I tried making an "action" folder to keep up with. But that didn't work long for me. ) That makes it easier to get back to something without having everything everywhere. But honestly, I'll still have things spread out like 20-80% done most of the time since I'm soooo sure that I'll get to it so soon that it's not even worth putting away to pull back out again. I need to work on that 😅
@SonsOfLorgar
4 жыл бұрын
Another potential aid could be to have a wall mounted tool rack for common house hold tools (scissors, measuring tape etc.) in each room so that you can stow them in their places without going to another room and keep them visibly accessible at all times without cluttering the tables or other furniture.
@ShirtlessSimonCowell
4 жыл бұрын
@@SonsOfLorgar I sort of do that with some things. Like scissors are in my kitchen, office and bedroom. But I'm in a smallish 2 bedroom apartment so I don't need to go far looking for things and there's not much room for duplicates of stuff. But overall, I think organizing things by functionality is so valuable and much better than what's pretty or some complex system that I'll end up abandoning. Having the stuff you use all the time readily available wherever you're likely to use them is super fantastic.
@pierowmania2775
4 жыл бұрын
I totally relate to the "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" syndrome! It's my biggest issue.
@izzynarnia3619
4 жыл бұрын
4:07 I felt that so much!! Like I'm crying tooo. ADHD is so hard and nobody sees us struggle. Everybody says it's full if excuses or its fake. It's not fake. Its not a fake disorder. Its friggen real and its horrible. It's so hard to live with.
@rickforsythe5480
4 жыл бұрын
"This is me trying" Whew, you hit the nail right on the head. This whole video was really really great. Thank you so much for all of your videos.
@Thinking-OutLoud
4 жыл бұрын
“this is me trying” is something I use all the time BUT NO ONE BELIEVES ME
@andycocking10
3 жыл бұрын
We ADHD-ers believe you. You can do it!
@noortjetolhuijs
4 жыл бұрын
How is sex not family friendly? It creates children! Great video! I love how you remind us what you were talking about on the bottom of the screen. Really helpful for us brains ;)
@LittleLizardAudio
4 жыл бұрын
dang, you right though xD
@LittleLizardAudio
4 жыл бұрын
also, i JUST noticed that little reminder L O L! it is very helpful! thank you for pointing that out for me!
@xenmaifirebringer552
11 ай бұрын
Sweet home Alabama...
@CatalogK9
4 жыл бұрын
Made me think of how my previous marriage crashed and burned because my ex was a narcissist with no empathy for me; even if I'd known I had ADHD back then, he would've either dismissed it or used it as another weapon against me to undermine any last shred of self-confidence I had left. The key thing to look for in a partner IME is that empathy that was so lacking before: when they can see you struggling and they actually care about what you're going through and not only how it affects them, it can make all the difference between finding solutions together or building insurmountable walls of resentment.
@marjannikolic2224
2 жыл бұрын
I had same situation.
@nikkidickinson5918
Жыл бұрын
Completely. I, too, was in a similar situation to you and agree how it would have played out. I'll be looking for bucket loads of empathy in any new partner!
@SodaSpeakNow
4 жыл бұрын
I love how you make a taboo topic feel not so taboo! I love the part where you talk about the effort. I totally started getting emotional because I could relate. Once my husband understood how much I am trying and even though I’m not up to his standards of tidiness it helped our relationship so much! Thank you 😊
@dreamchaser7177
4 жыл бұрын
Yes! This! I cried too because I felt that so much!
@gringogreen4719
4 жыл бұрын
Love your pic! Don't feel too bad, most women I have dated are nowhere near my standards of cleanliness. Two things, first I take ownership that its my standards and not theirs. Second, I just turn my brain off and next step...next step...next step...until whatever it is, is finished. That way things get done and arguements are minimalized. I'm the opposite of Jessica, maintaining a managed/cleaned space helps me deal with mental clutter. I just do the Yoda school of philosophy.😉
@jfilm7466
4 жыл бұрын
Your channel is the only channel I don't watch at 2X Speed. You have perfect timing and intonation, so you really are a pleasure to listen to. I'm ADHD and Spergers.
@korichamberlain
2 жыл бұрын
I was just thinking this! I was watching planner videos earlier that were at 1.5x. When I started one of her videos I double checked the settings because I thought it was still sped up, lol.
@jenniferhiggins6317
4 жыл бұрын
Oh Jessica.... it's ok to cry. You are so brave!
@georgeb.wolffsohn30
4 жыл бұрын
WOW ! When you wiped away the tears I absolutely lost it and cried in sympathy for the hurt . I'm going to steal that phrase too.. "This IS me trying". Thanks.👍❤️👍
@doro0831
4 жыл бұрын
When you started crying my heart broke!
@jankoszuta9835
3 жыл бұрын
Me too
@AubreyKat
4 жыл бұрын
This video addresses the fight i got into with my boyfriend last night. I'm actually scared to send this to him. Will update with his response.
@Cronos804
4 жыл бұрын
Just wait 24 h Linking to a video is not rarely seen as a passive aggressive response and you need to wait until the other person has some distance to the matter at hand. That is just good advise with adhd in general. When things get emotional or stressfull, just delay your answers by a healthy ammount of time.
@poppop-oj6by
4 жыл бұрын
@@Cronos804 That's good advice. Waiting saved me hundreds of times. It results in more nuanced communication and smarter behaviour making it easier to achieve what you want to achiece.
@cjk705
4 жыл бұрын
@@poppop-oj6by i agree like im not exactly on with the relationships but with friendships especially i always tend to wait after arguements for both sides to have time and chill so things are more clear and can be better ^-^
@StoHelit7
4 жыл бұрын
Just as a future thing well framing things as "this expresses what I was trying to say the other day much better than I did." Rather than "see!!! I'm Right!!" Which it can be tempting to do when you find something that backs up how you feel, especially if you've taken a long time to feel that validation. Hope it went well with your other half. X
@RedisFun2
4 жыл бұрын
@@StoHelit7 yes, yes! How it's said. I try to do that when I need to show my partner what I was trying to explain. The statement "this is what I was trying to say but couldn't"
@michaelroberts2453
4 жыл бұрын
Could you possibly tackle anything about overcoming addiction with ADHD?
@xRockLobster75x
4 жыл бұрын
Good suggestion, I would find this interesting and helpful.
@ResortDog
4 жыл бұрын
Impulsiveness is your enemy. Make sure you have a "downer" and an "upper" and "hate for 'it'" (whatever is getting your goat) in your mental tool box. A bigger hammer for me has always been the FIRST addictions: Music (Mothers Voice) & Sugar (Mothers Milk). Its no accident us squirrel people have a "stuck in the highway" reaction to the sheer decisions of modern life. Its stacked against our desires. Dodging the tires makes me feel alive & in the now, even if the consequences are permanent. Medicated not dedicated only works until a bored/evil psychopathic person comes along to ruin your life for entertainment. The tire usually gets them. Rejoice.
@PeachPlastic
4 жыл бұрын
This is not my personal experience, but a few other members of an ADHD therapy group I attended had past addictions and reported that getting diagnosed was a key element. There's a reason addiction is labelled "self-medication" - you're subconsciously trying to control/rebalance your off-kilter mind with some substance. Some gravitate more towards uppers, some to downers, some circulate. I had a strong pull towards sugar, caffeine, and even 'used' sleep deprivation or the hangover that follows hyperfocus. I dislike being high but kept returning to weed because my mind was just so damn loud and full all the time. - For some of those people I met, getting the right medication was enough to help them re-regulate and transition out of addiction, others had so find a host of other strategies that would produce similar effects, but in a healthy way. It's hard to say what those strategies will be for you, since everyone is so different. Maybe try to think into the direction of "skills" used to replace self-harm in other patient groups to get initial ideas. I wish you the best :)
@monkemantan6789
4 жыл бұрын
I need this
@cortezfilms8511
4 жыл бұрын
Your about to do a thing your addicted to then BAM a butterfly passes by and now your too distracted to do the thing. Problem solved.
@Casperski1312
4 жыл бұрын
Ok so big question: Is it more common for us with ADHD to cry and be overly emotional? Ive seen a good chunk of your content so far and I always end up crying whenever you do! I haven't gotten far enough into my therapy to really understand why I get so emotional, but you seem to react similarly and now I'm wondering if ADHD plays a part in all of my intense feels.
@EmilynWood
3 жыл бұрын
Not sure about emotions in general, but rejection sensitivity dysphoria is a huge part of ADHD not often discussed--we tend to get very overwhelmed emotionally by rejection and we tend to be more sensitive to it.
@darciaglaucerica
3 жыл бұрын
this comment is from a year ago so you might have seen the video this channel has on the topic but the answer is yes! emotional dysregulation has been linked to ADHD in a very strong way!
@Casperski1312
3 жыл бұрын
@@darciaglaucerica I missed that video, but I appreciate you coming to tell me about it! Thanks friend!
@andrean733
2 жыл бұрын
emotional dysregulation is a big part of adhd
@CharliMorganMusic
2 жыл бұрын
No, you probably have different diagnosis that you'll discover. If you're at teen or young adult and your emotions are intense and very difficult to control, I'd put my money on borderline personality disorder.
@stingman777
4 жыл бұрын
I'm not currently in a relationship or sexually active, but I still got a bunch from this for myself and for being prepared for a relationship. This was SO helpful beyond "just" sex. Thank you!
@xXKenzieGurlXx
4 жыл бұрын
wow...no clue how needed this was, no one talks about this but adhd effects l i t e r a l l y every aspect of your life. thank you for doing what you do
@dakotapeters5654
Жыл бұрын
Made me get emotional 😢 same time she started tearing up. Can't stand seeing someone else sad. I'm very empathic.
@joanstultz173
4 жыл бұрын
BRILLIANT video!! I too got emotional about it. Because this is me trying! Is literally the story of my life. Too many times I let myself feel inadequate or unworthy for something I can not control. I have an excellent husband who is so patient, kind and caring and accepts me the way I am. Messiness and unorganized and all of it!! I just wish I could be more "normal" and do stuff and handle things like normal people do. I hate feeling like I'm always letting him down. However, I will keep trying to do better.
@Andrea-gp1xn
2 жыл бұрын
7:45 This is usually me feeling that way towards my non-adhd partner. But, mostly because we both have trauma related to cleaning and whatnot and I have SUCH a hard time keeping up with it.
@0a4adxm8nd9
4 жыл бұрын
Me during sex: this is fun, that’s a cool looking wallpaper ooohhhh look at that KZitem video imma do something else! *the struggle is real*
@cashy4172
4 жыл бұрын
#feelsbadman
@Misc935
4 жыл бұрын
Yep, that is the struggle for me as well. Also, getting distracted by my thoughts and then having to yammer at the wrong time is a struggle too :/
@tpebbles
4 жыл бұрын
@@cashy4172 find a healthy addiction/habitual routine, or meditate until you can sit still in the moment
@monicahobbs499
4 жыл бұрын
I was diagnosed about 6 months ago and it’s been emotional discovering your page today. Did not think the ADHD after dark video would hit me as hard as it did but the common threads are everywhere aren’t they? Thanks for this channel, I think I’ll stick around ❣️
@thiske0
4 жыл бұрын
I have been diagnosed with ADD a couple of years ago, but I never know what is the consequence of having ADD and what is my own laziness. I don't ever want to blame my ADD because it feels like an excuse..
@theoneandonlymeshe9174
3 жыл бұрын
I came to the realization recently that laziness isn’t a real thing in most cases. The reason that people are “lazy” is rooted in executive dysfunction, mental blocks, or some mental health issue. For me, as someone with ADHD laziness has a lot to do with the lack of dopamine I would get from doing the task, taking out the garbage, etc... meds and the two minute rule help a lot. Also, positive reinforcement from my partner really help. If I can’t get into my hobbies it probably means I’m depressed and need to work on my self care.
@troygreen7990
9 ай бұрын
I am putting in so much effort. It feels like I do most of the house chores now as opposed to before where I was lazy and undiagnosed. Getting it on once or twice a year is not enough! I am tired of being ignored. This episode has helped me understand the seriousness of my situation more than my friends and councilors. Thank you.
@nip917
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this. Was just diagnosed at 40 and these fights are the same fights me and my wife have had for 20 years. We literally went through this last night. I love the idea of using my strengths and asking for help where I struggle. She always says "not everything is black and white." To me it is. She can scream at me for an hour and all I heard "was you need to help do the dishes." So frustrating to both of us. But with each day is a chance to make things better. Thank you again.
@andreazumpano8006
4 жыл бұрын
I cant even tell you how incredibly insightful this video has been to me. I was diagnosed ADHD at 38 yrs old. I’m now 55 and have been divorced 3 times. I now see the patterns you described and they are spot on! Thank you, Jessica, from the bottom of my heart! You are a treasure! God bless you!
@laurenalise3488
2 жыл бұрын
Wow… I relate so much to your channel. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, but kept saying that there a apart of me that knows this isn’t it. I was able to effectively manage the OCD, but there was more going on. My therapist just brought up ADD/ADHD to me, and am reading “Driven to Distraction,” this plus your channel have opened my eyes. I’ve gotten so emotional because this is ME, I just would have never thought it was this.
@captngen
4 жыл бұрын
i'm really grateful you kept the shot of you tearing up. i always feel like a massive crybaby having tears in my eyes when being softly confronted or lightly discussing something sensitive or when it hits too close to home. it's such a heartfelt and relatable thing to see, you made me realize it's a super normal reaction
@Marslo
4 жыл бұрын
Happy some one has touched on the subject. My sexuality has always been something I've struggled with and I never made the connection till I got diagnosed.
@sillyanna5623
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for doing this episode!! (Trigger Warning) I have ADHD (inattentive), Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD, and I feel like this video really helps me hone in on my PTSD symptoms. A few years ago, I was raped. When I tried out a new relationship and I was thinking maybe I could do this, at first it was okay. It become a struggle later though. I was constantly getting distracted during sex to the point that I would freeze and not be able to anything. Thankfully, my boyfriend (who also has ADHD) knows me incredibly well when my PTSD hits, and he's willing enough to take himself out of the equation to help me. I hate myself when this happens, and this spiral makes me feel worse about my sex life. I'm trying, but I always feel like it's not enough. Again, thank you for doing this episode and helping me get clarity about myself and how my mind works. +hugs+
@galli0
4 жыл бұрын
Id love to see something about adhd and chronic illness / pain, being trapped in your head often while your body cant, and when you do surrender it wrecks you, how to balance mind and body
@olivia6102
2 жыл бұрын
I really appreciate that you put what topics you're talking about on screen. Half way through I've already forgotten what the main point you're making and my mind goes elsewhere, it's helpful in bringing me back in. Thank you 😊
@ryancier
Жыл бұрын
4:20 Yeah, I'm cryin' right there with ya D: I often struggle too with this sense of unacknowledged effort.
@MrProbeNWatch
4 жыл бұрын
Ive be diagnosed since 7, I didn't take my ADHD seriously until my first relationship ended earlier this year and I really thought how much this actually effects my life. And turns out it has more of an impact on my life then I thought. And now thanks to this channel and research, I plan on taking the steps to Improve my life slowly but surely
@Larandar
3 жыл бұрын
I'm not an emotional person, but when you said "it's me trying" it hit me hard too...
@bogmossart
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you Jessica - this video really resonated with me. My results don't always reflect just how hard I'm trying and it can be difficult to ask for more leeway when you already feel like you aren't meeting expectations. As much as I wish you didn't feel that way, it is nice to hear my own feelings echoed.
@LightTribe88
3 жыл бұрын
I started taking medication regularly about 9 months ago. You are making realize that I, nor my family, nor my past partners had any clue just how serious and impactful this has been to me. 38 years I have struggled. And the person who convinced me to take meds is a new partner who instinctively knew to do many of the things mentioned here. Thank you for what you are doing. I get emotional pretty much every time you do, for what I imagine is the same reason.
@erdub84
3 жыл бұрын
JESSICA AND COMPANY: EVERY. SINGLE. VIDEO. I WATCH. HELPS ME. SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR THIS.
@larendijacosmica
4 жыл бұрын
Ufff When you said that We don't ask for things or put our needs first for feeling like We don't deserve it I cried... It's just exactly how i feel.
@erikolsen148
4 жыл бұрын
In my head, I can give you heartfelt gratitude, but when I actually try to put it into words, I stumble. Soooo... thank you. That covers most of the things I want to say.
@i_dream_of_memes
2 жыл бұрын
there’s something so striking about your eyes! some balance between vulnerability and strength/determination. Great information here, thanks for doing what you do
@ulthea
4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for creating this, Jessica, and I love that you're as passionate as I feel about everything! I often get teary when I listen to or read about ADHD and autism because until recently I felt an absolute failure; it was so nice to finally have others I could relate to. Take care of you, appreciate what you do!!
@johnfrench1441
4 жыл бұрын
I love your videos, they really do hit home for me. "This is me trying", just hits home. I watch so many of your videos and there have been so many moments where I've been like, "its not just me?!" and "this is real!". Ive always thought i just wasnt trying hard enough and just failing. Thank you for you and your channel and helping me to not feel like a freak-ah-zoid or that there is something wrong with me. You try and you try your hardiest and most times it feels like its not enough. But, you and everyone here really help to validate how i feel and that I'm not alone and that these failures aren't my fault and you know the struggle. This is me trying and trying my best. And I'm not the only one kicking, hoping i can kick hard enough to turn this cream into butter. I am not wrong, i am me and because of you i can be proud of that and not feel isolated and alone in this. Thank you!
@heresy02
4 жыл бұрын
This very well done! As always you did great and covered the topic well with great information. This should not get you demonatized!
@journeytowellness7096
4 жыл бұрын
Ben Smith I don’t think it will be, there was an ad at the beginning of the video.
@jeremymiller3144
2 жыл бұрын
THIS IS ME TRYING!!! I normally repeat this in my head all day long.
@lilajean8146
4 жыл бұрын
Wow, you really tackled that topic well!!!!!! Thank you sooo much, your channel really helps me and my sis learn how to work with our amazing ADHD brains!!!!!!💕💕💕
@foxfx8340
Жыл бұрын
I just meditate or exercise- dealing with stress beforehand is the best thing you can do and it's a lot easier to enjoy yourself- this goes for many things in general.
@michaelaustin8982
4 жыл бұрын
THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! If only I had known this stuff in my last marriage. It wouldn't have saved it, but at least I would have been happier while it was ending.
@mandyblevins2607
4 жыл бұрын
I have been recently diagnosed after 37 years. After my diagnosis, I sought out your videos. Your videos, my diagnosis, and my medication have opened up an entire window for me. I love you so much girl. You give me these little gifts that I need just when I need them. I see your beautiful emotion in this video, and was doing the same. I dont feel alone anymore and I dont feel like I am living with blinders. I cant Express how much you inspire me. I want to be a part of something like you are doing now. I think there is so much more advocating in my state. So, before I ADD and ramble, just thank you. I appreciate the work you have done!
@j.effinb5030
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Jessica, for doing what you do. I appreciate your diligence, compassion, and vulnerability. Not only have you helped me continue to streamline and be more adaptable with my accommodation strategies, but a few specific videos and your Ted Talk (which makes me cry every time) have been hugely helpful for explaining ADHD to my neurotypical friends and loved ones. It's sooo cool to have an advocacy rockstar representing and educating.
@lisac.697
4 жыл бұрын
I never knew I needed this. All this while I just thought I was cursed in the relationship department...Thank you so much Jessica for willing to put up a video like this on your family friendly channel. And yupe I feel emotional too when he said that 😹 Hopefully this would help me in future relationship! :D Love from Malaysia :)
@kays3561
2 жыл бұрын
When he said “wrestling with it”, my brain exploded. I am in a wrestling match every single day, it’s sooo hard, I feel so alone. But I see I’m not and there is a real reason why I have to fight myself (and yes I do mean fight) so hard. Glad I found your channel.
@1920sgirl
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for another fabulous video and this one was obviously a tricky one and brilliantly handled! So important to talk about all aspects on life that get influenced by ADHD. Thank you!
@journeytowellness7096
4 жыл бұрын
While it hasn’t had any specific affect on our sex life, my wife and I have grown so much closer once she started learning how my brain works. I’m so thankful that she’s so supportive and understanding. She’s usually the first to remind me to take it easy on myself when I inevitably screw up.
@DaleESkywalker
4 жыл бұрын
Brain...blown! This is me trying. Do more of what sets your soul on fire... This is the way. Do more of what you love. I have spoken.
@catsonmars87
3 ай бұрын
"Consistently failing to meet everyone's expectations ".....story of my life. I haven't been diagnosed but the more I learn the more I wonder
@buffysaviation
4 жыл бұрын
Never expected this to pop up in my notifications, I just finished watching it all the way through and this was really well done. It’s totally okay to get emotional, it’s a way of life. I also love that this helps me much more than sex ed in school.🤣
@susansewall6632
3 жыл бұрын
we are moving into a new home... I am soooo excited because I get a dish washer... I dont like doing dishes because I feel it takes to much time away from other things I need to be doing (I am a stay at home mom with a 5 year old 3 cats a dog 2 guinea pigs and homeschool) and it helps to know that I can just rinse out my dish put it in the dishwasher and wash them before bed then get up and while having my coffee put them up and load it throughout the day... my husbands biggest complaint for years has ALWAYS been the house... I always put it off because dishes have to be done first or nothing gets done... I love the small things that make my trying better
@chelsistratton7777
3 жыл бұрын
I personally have to do a mini mental meditation session, clear my mind, and try my hardest to be present - paying close attention to the environment, grounding myself, how things feel, what he's doing, what I want, etc. That helps alot... when my brain is too busy and thinking of everything going on in my day all at once... it's a big killer of the vibe.
@user-iz8rr1kt5w
4 жыл бұрын
it would be really nice if you could make a video about adhd and depression or anxiety
@soneejillcassiday3712
4 жыл бұрын
I was diagnosed in 2002 and have struggled with my ADHD daily. Thank you for helping me understand my brain! Every single episode feels like it was written about and for me. Thank you, thank you and THANK YOU!! 🙏♥️
@timothyunderwood7880
4 жыл бұрын
This is me trying- genius phrase! A few months ago, I tried to articulate my frustration with a girl I'm pursuing criticizing me for having bad teeth. Usually, I didn't have the money and when I did, I didn't have the executive function capability to be diligent with dental care. I was sick and tired of years of small put-downs whenever this topic came up and tried to express myself but simply could not. This video really helps clarify what needs to be spoken in an intimate relationship.
@deliriumzer0
4 жыл бұрын
So my husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but he never had any real treatment for it - he just knew what he was dealing with so he came up with coping mechanisms for himself that worked for him, so as an adult he's basically the "non-ADHD partner" as far as this scenario is concerned (he has his bad days, of course, but he's the more functional one between us by far). As such, I cannot BEGIN to tell you how helpful this video was. There are no words for how grateful I am that you took the sorta-kinda-risk making this video, it illuminated SO many things I hadn't thought of that I fully intend to bring up to my husband and my therapist. I'm also definitely going to check out Ari's book. I am so excited to see how things develop in the future. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
@o0Avalon0o
4 жыл бұрын
This was surprisingly informative
@caleyparsons3026
4 жыл бұрын
My therapist suggested your channel to me and honestly I am enamored. I thank you so much for putting out this content. I feel like this is going to help me understand myself. And also my husband to understand me. I want to cry thank you 😭💗
@DailyDriver.
3 жыл бұрын
This is amazing. Can you do a video on overthinking ? I overthink everything and it causes me to freeze and do nothing and miss out. I misinterpret people’s actions or silence or them being tired thinking it’s because they are mad at me. Etc
@ozer3884
3 жыл бұрын
Yesss! I am very much the same! I’m never public about cause then i overthink about what may happen if i do. just like i’m overthinking about my reply to your comment...but yes i feel you man.
@mav807
Жыл бұрын
I absolutely connect with "this is me trying". I happen to have found myself saying that in the past few years to express what was going on in my brain in response to others not being satisfied with my efforts, and that's an incredibly emotional sentiment for me too. It feels bad to be trying my best and then being told it's not good enough, but finding people that appreciate the effort over the results while also working to improve what our best efforts look like is what I strive for to improve my life with ADHD
@ShunyataGuy
4 жыл бұрын
I just lost a relationship. I didn't realize until too late how many of the pain points and challenges we experienced were the result of my ADD. I realized that while I had spent a lot of time and effort figuring out how my ADD affected me personally I had never given much thought to how it would affect my partner, crazy as that seems. Why all this video came too late for this relationship I am so grateful for this discussion and for alerting me to how I'm going to have to pay attention (!) to this in the future if I'm going to have a successful relationship with anyone.
@JonGilb
4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the video. An eye opener. I've split this year and this is going to help me out for my next one. Thanks for being helpful. Love your videos. 😊
@shana3834
4 жыл бұрын
I've seen various interviews with Ari Tuckman since his book was published, and this is the first time I felt like oh I can really benefit from reading that book! Thanks for such a great interview, Jessica!
@malgates13
4 жыл бұрын
What to do if you have adhd and you always want it
@journeytowellness7096
4 жыл бұрын
Malcolm opened mind Gates Gates Hopefully find someone with a matching appetite. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case for me, but I’ve come to learn there’s a lot more to a relationship than sex. When you really think about all the working pieces that have to be in place for a relationship to thrive, it almost becomes unrealistic to think that one person could be good at everything. For me, I’m glad that I found someone who can love as deeply as I do and is as committed to making a relationship last as I am. Once that was established, everything else, including sex, just became the finer details to work out.
@livinginfictions
4 жыл бұрын
A big part of ADHD is our brains constantly searching for dopamine and norepinephrine by doing things that interest us. Sex is a Big provider of those neurotransmitters, it makes us happy and focuses us. If you aren't managing your ADHD, whether by choice or issues with doctors, often you'll find yourself craving sex All the TIME because it's a surefire way to get that hit of dopamine. This can cause a lot of tension with your partner if they don't have an equally high libido. It's neither of your guys' fault, that's important to note. Your partner isn't responsible for your sexual satisfaction if they aren't interested in sex. If masturbation works for you, then I would suggest it. Just because you have a partner doesn't mean that you 'shouldn't have to do that anymore'. It's totally okay, and even encouraged to supplement your sex life with some Personal Time if you're finding yourself feeling unfulfilled. Also, try some other tips to keep your mind busy the rest of the time. The better you're able to manage your ADHD, the less you'll be hunting for neurotransmitter hits, and the less desperate you'll feel for sex quite so often. Whether this means getting medicated, or pouring your energy into a really hands on hobby, etc. Find what works for you, and be honest with your partner about what's going on.
@BeautifulSafety
4 жыл бұрын
Maybe find work in the adult entertainment industry...not joking
@Sereno44
4 жыл бұрын
These tips and counseling, I think applies for all couples and not only for us, as you call us, brains. It breaks my heart seeing your beautiful face crying since I saw your TEDx Talk.
@Paris11loves
3 жыл бұрын
Taylor Swift must have watched this video before writing Folklore (track 9)!! "This is me trying" is such a powerful phrase and hits the nail on the head.
@cawknee
4 жыл бұрын
woah! Notification SQUADHD where you at?
@jeremymcadams7743
4 жыл бұрын
Here
@92RKID
4 жыл бұрын
Here.
@nicoleflores4221
4 жыл бұрын
Here
@sarcasticnotsad5155
4 жыл бұрын
Ah, I see what you did there.
@SonsOfLorgar
4 жыл бұрын
Left over pizza is great lunch.
@rustyspoonzzz
4 жыл бұрын
You're brilliant, I've seen a bunch of other KZitemrs that focus their content on ADHD - but they often seem to have a dramatic ( everyone with ADHD is a victim) approach. Feels pretty destructive. You have a very positive and engaged approach and it's finally amazing to see someone out there providing this info in the right way. Thank You!!
@michaellarsen7450
2 жыл бұрын
My Son has ADHD and is 7. I've started watching these videos sometime in the last two years. As a parent it's helped a lot in understanding and connecting with him. Also I find a lot of videos are just helpful in my relationship like this one. Thanks for your efforts!
@brandiveazey940
4 жыл бұрын
OMG...My boyfriend and i both have ADHD and i swear we just had a fight about all of this! I mean EVERY single part...and i have been trying to figure out how to talk to him so we can both be on the same level again like we always have been. I am just going to play this video after dinner tonight and We should be able to talk it out instead of fussing...THANK U SO VERY MUCH!!!!
@dreamer_4937
Жыл бұрын
Really interesting video, thank you! I haven’t watched/read an ADHD vid/resource for a while now and this one was really eye-opening. I’m not in a relationship but I feel a lot more prepared for one now!!
@margrain1
10 ай бұрын
Oh my lord, I'm a 54 year old male and in absolute tears watching this because all this time i have thought that i was just lazy and a failure, to not only myself but everyone around me. All my life i know i have always been different. to the average person but couldn't understand why? Thank you so much for sharing this i know it was done 3 years ago but it will probably change my life forever xo
@michellekinder7752
3 жыл бұрын
Absolutely love and appreciate this video. I have been married for 5 years, and just diagnosed with ADHD. I have been so scared of divorce. I couldn't understand why we were failing until I discovered my ADHD. This video has helped me find ways to reconnect with my husband and understand why he feels the way he feels sometimes. It has helped us to improve our communication and connect on a more emotionally and physically intimate level. I never dreamed that possible for us just six months ago. Thank you for covering this very important topic.
@chrish564
4 жыл бұрын
Psychiatrist started the interview part of diagnosis. She said I had several markers but wanted me to pick up a form to fill out before giving me the official diagnosis... get to office and it isn't there and she is on vacation. Then she had no idea what I was talking about and asked me to schedule another appointment. Now I have lost my insurance and I am hanging in the wind. My son was recently diagnosed and most everything I answered on the Vanderbilt forms applied to me. Trying to help him and myself and this channel helps me feel like I have some direction on how to help us both. He is starting counseling whenever they have space for him at least.
@thekingron8270
4 жыл бұрын
Hi I feel little losted without my my speech and language therapist which helped me deal with social problems and sometimes I'm ok but I realise that I really do feel less than
@monticae
4 жыл бұрын
I really appreciate this conversation between the two of you because it is very relevant to my ADHD struggles and offers very good strategies. My dear, seeing you tear up (not the first time!) made me emotional (not the first time). It hits home to hear that we’re not alone in our struggling brains. And it’s more relevant to hear our unrecognized struggles spoken about out loud and perhaps because it has a little bit to do with hearing it from a neurotypical brain who recognizes the intense struggle “to keep up with” and also “make up for” ur shortcomings as it negatively impacts your life and worse, others lives (especially ur loved ones with neurotypical brains) and also those who you do business with who have had to deal with ur shortcomings. (Run-on sentence not changing it! Lol) We try hard to do what we plan (which shows) however we rarely meet our desired expectation and it shows. People who don’t know we have a brain disorder end up thinking we don’t really care or not really trying to do what we said we’re going to do, or that we aren’t very smart or efficient or reliable. It hurts because we end up letting people down. We really care and respect those we make commitments to, but as much as we constantly try hard to fulfill them, we often don’t. We feel terrible for letting people down. Of course not all ADHDers are thoughtful or concerned with these constant shortcomings the way you and I are. We don’t all cry or get emotional over them. That doesn’t mean ADHDers like this don’t care as much! We should never assume our ADHD friends don’t struggle as much as we do. I think we all recognize that our brains work differently and that people can’t see our tireless effort we have going on in our brains just to look normal. We of all people know that what we see by looking at people and their actions (however hard or simple they may be) does not match up with our inner mental struggles and will to manage and execute. We take in information and direction, speak intelligently about important issues and we often have great results from our perseverance. With that in mind, outwardly look and seem fully capable of tasks. We are seen as normal except when we fail it looks like we didn’t care to put much effort into it or we poorly planned. ADHDers should never doubt the will, effort or struggles of other ADHDers. We know better! So, Non-cryers - we know your emotions are there, even when we don’t see it in your faces! 😊 Thank you for this video and all of your hard work and dedication. We want to manage our lives the best we can, like you. God bless you!
@stoodmuffinpersonal3144
4 жыл бұрын
THAT'S A REAL THING?! THAT'S AN ADHD THING? THAT'S A THING? THE TAKING A WHILE TOGETHER OH MY GOD SO MUCH MAKES SO MUCH SENSE First minute and a half, and I AM ALREADY BLOWN AWAY. THAT IS A THING. WOW.
@jenniferciaccio2940
3 жыл бұрын
Oof. "This is me trying" was a gut punch that knocked the wind out of me.
@-A-c
4 жыл бұрын
My non-ADHD brother is probably more open minded than most people and it still takes a lot more than just saying "this IS me trying." to get him to understand. After years of frustration and yelling from both sides, I can confirm that Ari is spot on with recognizing and working through the internal guilt and codependent thinking (that's a DAILY battle for me). Only then was I able to begin speaking from a place of genuine honesty and point out where I could be treated better. But even then, it's still a challenge because I needed to work to heal the damage from the constant misunderstanding between us. In finally speaking out with real strategies verbally agreed upon by both sides we ACTUALLY started to live better together. Everyone's situation may be slightly different so dig deep about what might work and aim for genuine fairness. It ain't perfect. Adjustments need to be made from time to time as situations change. But after that first honest talk, I don't think I cried so much in my entire life out of relief in knowing that progress IS possible. And yes, he now recognizes that I AM trying.
@Aerylia
3 жыл бұрын
Me and my husband have the rule to "always compromise out loud". Make it known to your partner that you are compromising. This helps with being mindful of the other. Basically, don't say "ok, I will do you want" but say "I don't think I can meet your expectations, but if you really want it, I'll do my best for you". Or say "I don't want to go to that restaurant, but we can go there regardless". And we call each other out on it: "I feel like you are compromising, are you?". It happened too often that we both compromised but not in the middle. For example, we both went to a restaurant because we thought the other wanted to go. It helps a lot with miscommunication and prevents frustration, because you notice when the other is constantly compromising and you want to do something about it.
@stephanieweeks3489
4 жыл бұрын
Saw the title, didnt believe my brain was transmitting correct information lol
@parkerking6410
4 жыл бұрын
I really like how this video is helping better understand and approach my sex life, but the things talked about are very valid about how to improve relationship as someone with ADHD and with someone with ADHD. P.S. Just found your channel yesterday and have been absolutely loving every video I’ve watched so far! P.P.S. It seems a very strong emotional point in the community is feeling misunderstood when you have ADHD and you are trying your hardest, but people don’t understand that.
@lyn3325
2 жыл бұрын
That was really helpful in many ways that I didn't expect. The video was a lot more of great relationship advice than I expected and I love it.
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