Hey!! Hope you enjoyed this one! Leave a comment below let me know! 👇🏻 Wanna join my Focus Bootcamp? be.ultranormal.co/focus-bootcamp - Chris
@codecae2
5 ай бұрын
At what point does management of ADHD become masking, instead? It's generally understood that masking is unhealthy as well. I spent my whole life trying to understand why my social interactions were different thatn others. But now that I know why, it's impossible to ignore. It has its grasp into all of the struggles and challenges in my life. And it just feels like no matter how hard i try, i always fall short of expectations. It's defeating and unbearable. It makes me feel like im forcing myself to mask and be someone other than myself.
@BeUltranormal
5 ай бұрын
Great question! I think you can be 'unmasked' (i.e.. be open with people about your struggles) while still accepting responsibility for the consequences. For me, managing other people's expectations is part of being responsible. I am much much more deliberate with what I make promises on, only saying 'yes' to things that I am absolutely certain I can/will achieve, and I will put in systems to ensure that it happens. I also know when I have the energy to be able to be social, etc... and when I don't have that energy and I will be transparent with people about that so that I'm not 'faking' anything. But also I believe that we're not just to believe that we are to avoid situations where we are uncomfortable. One thing that has stuck with me ever since I read it is this: There are precisely two situations where you can be yourself. 1) Completely alone 2) in a room filled with people who think, talk and act exactly like you do. For every other situation you need to learn how to interact with other people. It's true. I have had times where I have *hated* being around other people, but there's also been times when I have loved it. The reason why is that we are ever evolving people. So this is part of what this video is about. Our brains are still neuroplastic, they can change, so I'm not a huge prescriber to the idea that we should just "be ourselves" because it implies that we should be static or worse, that we ARE static. Which I don't agree with. So I think we're able to be honest and realistic about what we're able to give at that moment in time, while also putting in the effort to grow and change (if that's what you want to do). For me, it's never one extreme or the other. It's about finding and nurturing the right balance, but always heading in the direction of growth. And growth will always always require discomfort.
@sehr56
4 ай бұрын
Came back to this one. Getting diagnosed in my mid-fifties, a lot of resentment towards my diagnosis. Everytime I read one of those posts or listening to podcasts that “celebrate” the “gifts” of ADHD. They must be living on another planet or diagnosed early enough that they can be engaged with the effects it has on being Whenever I hear that l, resentment and anger come up. Externally cheery. Interiorally just feel pissed, like I’ve been cheated for the great majority of my life.
@BeUltranormal
4 ай бұрын
I've been there and felt this, for sure. I think it's finding the balance of being able to acknowledge the challenge of ADHD without being bitter/resentful about it nor pretending that it's an inherently good thing. It just 'is', and we can choose how to respond to it. There's 2 stages of emotions: 1) the initial *pang* of it. We can't control this. It lasts maybe 5 seconds. 2) How we interpret that emotion. Focusing on the second stage is crucial in not getting pulled around by our emotions or dwelling on things that are out of our control. This is the difference between being a victim and holding a victim mindset. This is not easy, but for me it's the difference between getting things I want done, or not.
@sehr56
4 ай бұрын
@@BeUltranormal Thanks Chris for your insight and wisdom! Yes! How we (I) interpret the emotion is where I get hung up. Even those the pang is gone I keep it alive long past the initial feeling, both physically and emotionally. For some reason I go into rumination. It maybe that I’m looking for something that is no longer there but was srrong enough I want to keep it alive. Control? Engaging with the familiar patterns of misery and self loathing rather than sitting with it and not ruminating, but “accurately” interpreting that emotion. I seem to struggle so much with what I’m feeling. Often when my girlfriend would ask, what are you thinking about or what you are you feeling right now? And I can’tell her. I really stopped to examine how I am feeling and why. Just surfing🏄♂️ the emotion until I crash into the sharp coral in the shallows or hang out with the feeling, churching the waters bringing in the violent emotions and frustrations of my shortcomings and those of others. Ugh brother! And a huge, “f***, I hate living with me and the rolling waves of resentment. (this concludes my surfing metaphor!) Thanks for all you do Chris in tending to the neurodivergent tribe. I really am surprised you don’t have more viewers! Great content always, but obviously a very crowded field! I’m pretty isolated, but the few I do know I’ve sent them your links.
@ΑντρέαςΣωτηρίου-π8γ
Ай бұрын
That is great. You either take responsibility and accept adhd and manage it or blame it for everything.
@BeUltranormal
Ай бұрын
💯💯💯
@anishkrishnan3979
2 ай бұрын
Hey, maybe you can give me some tips. Im in a field i have no interest in. I have 4 years of experience in said field. At the moment i am unemployed but when i sit down to prepare for something i feel physically frustrated and unable to force myself to learn things. But, i dont have the luxury or moving to something i might be intersted in at the moment. Any idea what i could do ?
@BeUltranormal
2 ай бұрын
Obviously it's difficult to give tips without really fully working together, but the advice that I would give would be this: if your brain is trying to resist learning something, find out what it is that's blocking you: fear of failure, lack of information, etc... rather than simply trying to force your brain to overcome a hurdle you can't identify, try to identify the hurdle first. The second piece of advice I'd give you is rather than trying to take steps onto the long term career goal immediately, give yourself two goals: 1) Short term, what's the best way you can sustain yourself for the next 2-3 years while you work on the long term goal. Something that gives you the best amount of money that your brain can work with. Make that your 9-5 and strap yourself in for 2-3 years in that. 2) Long term: Look at what you are interested in (not something that's trendy or a fleeting interest, or something that other people think you should do, what do YOU want to do?) and figure out the steps you need to take to get there and start taking that first step immediately (could be buying a book on the subject, creating a 3 year realistic plan etc...), make this your 5-9. Strap yourself in for the next 2-3 years in that. The truth is that a lot of success is filled with boring crappy repetitive work, so for ADHDers brains we are very interest driven. So we're much more able to do the crappy boring repetitive work if we're interested in what we're doing. I write, film, edit & publish 4 long form videos a week, as well as actually running my coaching business. I used the same process to get to this point. There's a lot of repetitive, boring work involved in making videos, but the subject is what I *love* so it makes things a lot easier to get through when it's been a long draining day. Just take the first steps, and keep looking at the next step and the next step, eventually when you look behind you, you'll see that you've taken 365 steps and you're well underway on your journey. :) Let me know if that helps!
@fatimal2406
5 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video, great informations!
@BeUltranormal
5 ай бұрын
Thanks so much for stopping by!!
@fatimal2406
5 ай бұрын
@@BeUltranormal what you have described in this video is crucial for ADHDERS. Elevate consciousness and responsibility is the core of the solution. It's like we use our higher spirit to transcend the cognitive difficulties. That's make our life meaningful, cause life may all be about this challenge at the end. Transcendence...
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