Calm conversation is extremely important for me. Behaviors such as: yelling, sarcasm, name-calling, insults, obscenities, hurtful criticism, and aggressive speech INSTANTLY triggers my defensiveness more so than how others (neurotypical brains) might respond. They might be able to assert themselves appropriately and deescalate the conversation or enforce their boundaries. However, with my own experience with ADHD, my emotional reaction can overpower my ability to remain calm and continue to listen. It would be helpful if my partner can talk to me in a calm tone of voice, not be aggressive, and definitely reassure me that they still love me even if they’re upset. Unfortunately, my impulse during relationship conflict is to run away from them and hide away and to never see or talk to them again. This results in isolation, withdrawing, and a complete shut-down in communication 😢
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