OMG, when you said, "They grieve the life that could have been" it brought tears to my eyes. I was late diagnosed with ADHD at 36 and I'm still processing what my life was, before the diagnosis and the impact it has silently had on me as a person, my jobs, friendships, and more. It's even lead me to discover that I've been subject to a lifetime of emotional abuse, which I'm struggling to get away from, and I feel my ADHD makes me weak and more vulnerable to this... It makes me feel ashamed and hurt, confused, lost and very, very alone. Hopefully, one day I'll come out the other side of it all and be able to start living a happy, safe, simple life.
@TheKjoy85
10 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 30 and with Autism at 36. I'm now 38. My mom tried to get me help when I was little, but her concerns were dismissed by my doctors. There is grief both for myself and on my mom's part. She feels like she failed me. This feeling is compounded because my older brother was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4. He got help, and I didn't.
@kristalpower292
10 ай бұрын
I was 33 when I was diagnosed with ADHD after first being mis/diagnosed with depression in my 20’s. For me the part about grief hit but more about the loss of that was. During my teenage years while learning was hard there was less stress as there was lots of time spent walking home or to a friends house despite being able to take the bus. The impulsively meant choosing a new sport activity each term. I kept telling myself once I do this or finish this I’ll be able to exercise more and enjoy the things I like. There is frustration that while my son was diagnosed early thanks to an amazing paediatrician his teachers seemed surprised by his diagnosis. And a bit of anger about the misconceptions and myths that still exist in regards to ADHD which can prevent many from even considering it as a possibility especially the if you get diagnosed your going to be taking medication.
@Charmainejay
10 ай бұрын
My daughter need advice on how to get a diagnosis. She hides it so well.
@TheKjoy85
10 ай бұрын
@Charmainejay The recommendation that was given to me was to make a list of my quirks and ask my closest family and friends to make their own lists of my quirks and compile them. Take that to with me to an appointment with my primary care doctor and ask for a referral to a neuropsychologist. If you can find a neuropsychologist in your area who takes your insurance, they should be able to do the necessary assessment and give a diagnosis. I happened to be treated by a psychiatrist who had experience diagnosing and treating kids with autism. He recognized the traits from my charts at the clinic and his interview with me, but the clinic we were at didn't include the full assessment as part of their services. I was being treated for depression and anxiety there. My diagnosis of autism is unofficial because of the lack of testing, but it is good enough for my family and my primary care doctor.
@Charmainejay
10 ай бұрын
@@TheKjoy85 Thank you for the advice.
@someundeadtalent2016
11 ай бұрын
Literally me because I mask 24/7 My friend (also female) is the hyperactive type and doesn’t mask, and that’s when I realized that I once was like that too- until I learned that that’s „not good“, „not feminine“ etc
@dianavp9054
7 ай бұрын
Oh what could have been. Self-diagnosed this year, age 67, suspect AudAdhd. Life has been unnecessarily difficult for me. Grief is real.
@JRoseBooks
5 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing this message. I’ll add that even if you’ve known you’ve had ADHD all your life, you can still grow up having to mask constantly…and start to wonder who you really are when you’re older-once you have more freedom to do so!!! Not all of us grew up in this uber-conscious era. 😁 Luckily I was one of the hyper girls! 🤣
@ellie9295
11 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed with ADD and autism 1 when I was 33y, I'm now 37y. The only reason I was diagnosed was because my youngest son was diagnosed with autism 2 and when I read up on it I also read up on adhd as well. If I hadn't realised it before my son did his assessment the doctor gave me a lots of hints that I should do my own assessment. I was already in the process of doing that at that time. I was angry in the beginning. Now I'm grateful that I was diagnosed later in life. I would most likely used the diagnosis as an excuse and wouldn't be where I'm today if I had been diagnosed when I was younger. My diagnosis has helped me understand myself and it has also made me a much better and understanding mother. It's not easy and I hate it sometimes. It's also a huge resource and one of the reasons why I'm so good at my work and why I have the carrier I have.
@juliebrammer
7 ай бұрын
❤ 34 being diagnosed I am active. I am a force, have a ton of energy, not just physically. Used to be unstoppable when I was younger. Then I had a burn out, cause I didnt know when to rest or stop or how to take proper care of myself. Now Ive found out its the ADHD in me, that drives me to do things with a 150 % effort, when only 50 is needed. Its soooo hard for me to unlearn to do this. I always do too much - emotional support / work to perfection / do everything in a day so I feel proud and accomplished / be somebody to 100 people and forget myself / and so on and so fourth. ADHD in women is wanting to be superwoman and in all places at once 20 miles an hour. I think we all suffer from that complex. ADHD or not. We forget we are human super women ❤ We can do less and expect more credit.
@chrisbooth75
7 ай бұрын
This is all true. I am a male I had inattentive (female type), and I can identify with this I was not diagnosed until I was 42.
@lxcs115
7 ай бұрын
Thank you!!!
@monicarodrigues985
4 ай бұрын
I had to diagnose myself at 50.
@Heidi-y1d
11 ай бұрын
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@missdirectedawakening
11 ай бұрын
Rarely does anyone talk about grieving the life that could have been had I had the chance
@wednesdayschildfullofwoe
10 ай бұрын
Really?? It's all I see in adhd groups and in comment sections. Especially whenever there is any mention of late diagnosis.
@dawnieb.7394
5 ай бұрын
It terrifies me whenever my brain dares to go there. :(
@zezezep
5 ай бұрын
i hold it inside
@MoreWaterThanBlood
11 ай бұрын
My brother had adhd and was diagnosed very early on like at 3/4 … when he was 16 and I was 18 I went to pick him up from his neurologist apt and the dr met me 5 minutes later she asked me if I had ever been tested for adhd … booom she was spot on. It is always baffling to me this is something I could have known about and learned tools for from such an early age just like my brother. Also so baffling my parents, family, friends, teachers, coaches no one ever noticed or mentioned I should be checked for it. This woman knew me for 5 minutes and gave me so many answers I wasn’t even asking the right questions for. I am always going to be grateful for her.
@NancyMcCurry
10 ай бұрын
I love that you found her.
@brendatomlinson
10 ай бұрын
What a blessing that you found her. She saw it in you. ❤
@Jade.051
7 ай бұрын
Boys are always quicker to get diagnosed, which is sad… I had a similar experience but with giftedness, I had a male classmate who was gifted since he was really young because teachers spotted it, I went through the same teachers and three different psychologists, none of them spotted anything.
@Elle-fp5uy
4 ай бұрын
Well I'm a 63 year old women with ADHD, and turns out you know me better than my parents , my children my friends, my employer, myself, I think you're some kind of alien.
@sumis8096
11 ай бұрын
“Grief the life that could have been” 😭💔 this is me 💔
@TheNinnyfee
10 ай бұрын
Yep. I could have had my dream family if my self-esteem hadn't been that crippled.
@tawnyew
10 ай бұрын
My therapist sent me this after I expressed regret over a life I wish I had lived or a path I could've taken "I'll never know and neither will you about the life you didn't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from shore" This helps me at times I hope this isn't overstepping
@sumis8096
10 ай бұрын
@@tawnyew thank you for sharing it 💛🙏
@Deb11-11
6 ай бұрын
God has shown me that just like Lot, we aren't to be looking back, but appreciate the now. We can use what we have learned to move forward in knowledge and faith.
@dawnieb.7394
5 ай бұрын
@@tawnyew wow, thank you so much for sharing this. I needed to read that.
@tiegrsidesignsandstudio4794
10 ай бұрын
We didn't try to fool our doctors - our doctors weren't LISTENING to us.
@tiegrsidesignsandstudio4794
10 ай бұрын
I'm 43 and got diagnosed AuDHD less than a year ago. Looking back, I've had OBVIOUS "symptoms" since childhood, many of which were brought up to doctors and completely dismissed as "hormonal" issues because I'm female.
@dawnieb.7394
5 ай бұрын
Some did though; every single thing he said was my mother to a T.
@shellsjourney7069
5 ай бұрын
Amen!
@tiffanywalker713
5 ай бұрын
Totally! and then when hit an older age, you're just considered a "karen"
@katiejenkins5038
11 ай бұрын
I use to think I was crazy until I found videos of people talking about ADHD. so glade to know I’m not alone.
@mzmancmuffins3747
11 ай бұрын
Same
@logiclight
10 ай бұрын
Definitely, not alone😊
@virginias.poston4308
6 ай бұрын
Yes! and seeing how it explains so many things in my past.
@mackenziedrake
4 ай бұрын
@@virginias.poston4308 I'm still amazed at that ongoing realization. All the best to you.
@danaw6745
11 ай бұрын
Labeled with depression half of my life by physicians and therapist. Self diagnose two months ago at age 58 when I saw a video and started to cry because it was me. Asked my physician and psychiatrist, and they agreed with me, but they don't seem to know what to do with me. I'm grateful for KZitem videos knowing I am not alone.
@SeRialRedHeaD
8 ай бұрын
I hear you. I'm 61, self diagnosed about 18 months ago. I'm dealing with the grief of what could have been. I hope we both can heal from that grief, and find ways to move forward.
@SeRialRedHeaD
7 ай бұрын
@@labanisarkar8304 hi, it was the poster above me that mentioned the video.
@aYTaccount
7 ай бұрын
I feel you
@zezezep
7 ай бұрын
I give thanks to KZitem too 😊👍🏻
@chelseaweiss8334
5 ай бұрын
This is my story too. My husband saw a video and saved to share with me (he’d already been diagnosed but I hadn’t…I was just struggling and assuming I wasn’t because our brains are soooo different from one another - I wasn’t aware of how differently it could impact one person to the next). He showed me the video and I just sat there in shock with tears running down my face. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t an idiot. I did the same as you and went to my PCP and psychiatrist who had been prescribing me antidepressants (PCP did verbal test and suggested I talk further with me psychiatrist because, yup I checked all the boxes). I asked my psychiatrist to go off the antidepressants and start Dexedrine (one of the two stimulants included in Adderall). Did it fix everything? No. Did it help? Without a doubt. But I still recognize the need for more help (drugs help with the chemical imbalances, but I still struggle with behavioral habits that I’ve spent nearly five decades creating for myself) and am working to find a good therapist familiar with ADHD who can understand and help with my specific kind of struggles. Point is, sometimes we need to help ourselves. Sometimes that just means asking for help with your plan. Ask your doc about coming off of whatever you’re on and transitioning to something aimed at your ADHD rather than your depression. Doc can keep in touch to see how you’re responding and feeling and adjust dosages accordingly. We’ve played with my dosages a bunch over the years and I finally feel like we’ve got it figured out, but we wouldn’t have even tried if I hadn’t asked.
@JB-qf5ep
11 ай бұрын
I masked in my childhood and internalised all of this (except time blindness, skin picking and other traits). I am now in my 30s and can't get a diagnosis because my GPS won't refer me because I can sit in a chair during the appointment and because I masked in childhood. Extremely frustrating and can't help feeling diminished and misunderstood.
@AnnaYV
11 ай бұрын
Keep trying to get a referral. Keep pushing. Wishing you luck 🍀!! Don’t give up :) you’ve got this
@tigerkitten8352
10 ай бұрын
Honestly, you may want to try to find a new GP cuz it shouldn't be that hard to get a referral. Also, I suggest looking up videos that spell out the diagnostic criteria then ask a parent or close relative you grew up with "what did I do before age" and pick the age you look back and are like "yeah, masking" and see what they answer. Based on my mom alone I would be diagnosed easily. Based on my mom and my aunt, I tick nearly every single box in all 3 sections of criteria before the age of 10. I know I started masking some at 8, but know i continued to have some issues with emotional regulation and stuff like that. I also have always been a fidgeter. I can sit in a chair for long periods of time, but other parts of me are constantly gonna be moving. Hell, I am standing at a bus stop to go to work and am swaying back and forth because I just can't stay standing perfectly still and waiting.
@dawnieb.7394
5 ай бұрын
WON'T REFER YOU??? That's cruel!!!! You need an advocate. Reach out to adhd groups, counselors, anyone. You need a new GP. "can sit in a chair" sounds like someone who does NOT understand what adhd is.
@J4sonkempson
11 ай бұрын
52 year old man misdiagnosed as bipolar, i didn't even know inattentive was a thing. Lost a marriage due to me going down Hill while being medicated for something i didn't have, i nearly killed myself. Needs to be more training in mental health for this in the uk, been waiting 2 years for an assessment. I don't normally reply to shorts but this has been my life experience.
@brendatomlinson
10 ай бұрын
I feel this, you’re my brother from another mother as they say. I just found this reel today so you might not see my response. I was diagnosed BP II after MUCH testing by THREE psychologists, the last one a neuropsychologist (she even upgraded me to BP I. I was having a complete meltdown during our 3-hour session.) I’ve been on heavy duty meds this whole time - zombifying antipsychotics, Xanax, and mood stabilizers, at one point even two antidepressants at once. After reading your comment I’m definitely going to explore with my doctor possibly tapering off the mood stabilizer. Who knows, I may someday feel like a semi-functioning person again.
@J4sonkempson
10 ай бұрын
@brendatomlinson I don't normally receive notifications this quick. You hang in there Brenda, I've gone through most of the bipolar drugs 🤢
@brendatomlinson
10 ай бұрын
@@J4sonkempson Thanks, Jason. I actually felt better after replying to you, more determined now to get off this drug if my doc agrees to try it.
@AuroraAronia
10 ай бұрын
@@brendatomlinsontry amphetamine medication and see if it works if it its adhd if it doesent its not
@mariaevans8437
7 ай бұрын
And less judgement and more understanding
@anitarashidi8466
11 ай бұрын
I relate to this so much! Misdiagnosed for so long, and was incredibly good at masking - until I found a therapist who helped me “unmask” and get the proper diagnosis.
@NancyMcCurry
10 ай бұрын
Diagnosed at 63. I cried, so much lost time. The diag helped me find my tribe and discover a boiling anger at being scolded as a ditz and a trifle all while scrambling to regain some order in my life.
@mackenziedrake
4 ай бұрын
I'm 65 and awaiting diagnosis. I had/have some serious emotional regulation issues that tore my life apart, but we still have today and hope for tomorrow. All the best to you!
@plcumming
11 ай бұрын
Thank you - I had multiple doctors consider an adhd diagnosis over the first 34 years of my life - I even had two full psycho educational assessments - everyone decided I did not have adhd and my symptoms were caused by anxiety, depression and bulimia. I finally had a wonderful female psychologist who suspected adhd and sent my last assessment results (and even all my old report cards) to a specialist in women & adhd and said that my results were bang on for a woman with adhd and a moderately high level of education / intelligence. Turns out my depression, anxiety, bulimia and even sensitivity to rejection all stem from undiagnosed and unsupported adhd. I often wonder how different things could have been if someone had caught my diagnosis during my first assessment - at 6 years old!
@zezezep
5 ай бұрын
i really feel for you. My story is somewhat similar
@brendatomlinson
10 ай бұрын
I’m in tears. “Grieve the life that could have been” is where I am currently. I was diagnosed one year ago, at 60 years of age. The clarity that’s coming to me now is overwhelming. I was diagnosed bipolar II about 10 years ago. I’m planning to revisit that with my current p-doc at my next appointment. With so much overlap of symptoms between bipolar and ADHD I think it’s worth exploring the possibility of misdiagnosis.
@JB-Hae
7 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed just this past year at 64. I do have a question do you have depression? Is that part of add?
@guineverebachelor6089
6 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed last year at 62 years. I suffered from chronic depression too.
@JB-Hae
6 ай бұрын
@@guineverebachelor6089 Thk u. I hope you are doing well now. Are you on meds and if so what dosage and has it helped.
@WhiteRabbitAnne
5 ай бұрын
Yes I have both too. The way I know I have bipolar 1 is because I had manic psychosis not something that would happen with adhd alone expecially being stone cold sober not taking anything that would promote mania. Definitely look into it more see if the diagnosis fits squarely If it doesn't ask more questions do more research. Good luck!
@EC_123-h8i
5 ай бұрын
I was also diagnosed with bipolar II about three years ago, and got my ADHD diagnosis last year at 30. My new psychiatrist (also a woman with ADHD!) strongly suspects autism as well, and that the bipolar diagnosis was incorrect from the beginning (a lot of women are misdiagnosed bipolar). We've spent the last several months slowly weaning me off bipolar meds, and so far so good. Definitely worth revisiting that, if you feel you may have been misdiagnosed!
@none3668
10 ай бұрын
I'm 46 and refused to take drugs for depression and anxiety. I have been miserable trying to figure out what was wrong with me. All my life traumas just distracted me and I have tried to hide how broken I feel on a daily basis. Trying to find myself... I found me. Now I don't hate myself anymore.
@dag118
10 ай бұрын
Diagnosed at 50....happy that I finally know I am not lazy and stupid
@vtheb1299
11 ай бұрын
I have every symptom in the book but doctor 1 said it's impossible because it would've been caught when I was a child. I was a child in a communist country, such diagnoses did not exist and mental health was the ultimate taboo. Doctor 2 said it's impossible because I made it to grad school. But never asked at what cost. 😢 grad school is precisely the kind of environment that brings out the best and worst of adhd. I wanted to tell this doc you went to grad school too, did you not learn not to put a label on people based on one single thing. Psychologists are the worst doctors I've ever had, cocky and entitled, they psycsplain and gaslight someone they think they understand in a few minutes to one hour based on no objective tests but only their own psych biases without considering that there's a lifetime of complexity to each and every person. Peace all and never allow a doctor to gaslight you.
@RethabileMatete
5 ай бұрын
Sorry you went through all of this
@krysab6125
10 ай бұрын
It only became a diagnostic option for wonen in the UK in 2008. 2008! The year that I, a full-grown adult, had to take an extended leave-of-abscence from uni due to (you guessed it), 'anxiety and depression'! I'm 36 now, still battling the system for an official diagnosis (with one hand tied behind my back, effectively, due to ADHD symptoms), and I am so tired. I wish I could give 20-year-old me a hug for what she had to go through
@zezezep
7 ай бұрын
The best i can manage is giving myself a pat on the shoulder a couple of times a year. A hug? One day, i hope
@alphafert608
11 ай бұрын
Diagnosed at 7 & I'm not better off for it. All it got me was recess taken away & ridicule by teachers in front of the class. At the end of high school they dropped diagnosis, told me I would grow out of it & I was on my own. Yippee we got adhd awareness month but I can't disclose at work because "they might discriminate".
@jessycagoldman8964
11 ай бұрын
This hits hard. Every thing he just says is exactly how I am
@vargrprincess
10 ай бұрын
I'm 50 and recently figured out I'm ADHD and possibly on the spectrum. I mask so well my closest friends are asking if I'm sure. Given that it's likely genetic and my kids have it, it explains so much about my mother and my childhood.
@louana87
11 ай бұрын
So true, i have autism and ADHD, i know it since my 23yo birthday where my mom said to me than i might be autistic because a psychologist tell her than i might have autism (she make me consult because she think i might suicide, which wasn't the case, i just need to be alone because the world was overhelming me) but she keep it to herself, she never make me diagnosed and i feel betrayed because i could have learn long ago to be myself and not be in this permanent masking mechanism, but also than i can actually have a diagnosis because now it's late and it will take so much time to just have a yes. I know i have ADHD too because i am very hyperactive mentally, i have the inattentive form. My Autism and my ADHD mask each others and i also mask to reach the expectations of my parents and of my social anxiety which can make me even more depressed. I start to unmasking little by little, i'm accepting myself and i try to find more healthy ways to cope with my autism and my ADHD. Videos about those make me feel better and it explain and give me advices to actually live with my disorders instead of denied them.
@momlee664
10 ай бұрын
I’ve always felt that others were given the keys to how to live life and I have been locked out looking into the windows begging to be let in but it’s dark and I’m apparently too scary.
@guineverebachelor6089
6 ай бұрын
As a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD only in my 60s, I want to thank you for this. It’s so accurate.
@tawnyew
10 ай бұрын
As a mother who just was diagnosed a few months ago I feel this deeply. I do mourn the life I didn't live but now I'm able to look more closely at this for my daughter so she can be ahead with support and resources. That's one silver lining for "the life I could've had". And I am learning who I truly am, even at 30, better late than never
@harrismonica44
7 ай бұрын
This is EXACTLY how I feel, thank you! I was diagnosed at 54…
@MarcoZamora
9 ай бұрын
This! Plus... most primarily inattentive men with ADHD, like me, who was diagnosed at 55. I'm glad I now have better tools and a deeper understanding of what to do, but as others have said here, the grief about the "what could have been" is pretty overwhelming.
@markmuller7962
10 ай бұрын
It'll take at least another decade for my sister (with ADHD) to accept that she has ADHD like me but her addictions, life path, responsibility, interests and culture have been completely different from mine greatly mitigating the damage and symptoms. Also masking/perfectionism can be so severe in late diagnosed people to resemble pathological narcissism making it even more difficult to accept such a "diagnosis"
@rebekahh350
7 ай бұрын
Even finding out in my early twenties, I've still had to grieve the childhood and teen years that could have looked entirely different. I can't imagine what that is like at 40 or 50 or 60 years old.
@cwright821
5 ай бұрын
It's a maaaasive grief/relief cycle whatever age you are 🤗 Still riding my own, 18 months in (diagnosed at almost 45)!
@yvettebeck6367
10 ай бұрын
I found out that I've suffered with ADHD my entire life just as my fourth son turned 18. My heart hurts for them. They could've had a much better mom growing up. They got cheated. 😞
@cwright821
5 ай бұрын
I feel like this too a lot (diagnosed 18 months ago at almost 45, sons 14 and 11 now). However, I am sure if you really pick over things and are fair to yourself you will see all the ways you were there for your sons BECAUSE of your ADHD. You maybe felt more deeply and empathised where other adults would have just jollied the kids along. Maybe you worried about the future more so put more healthy boundaries in place or were more inclined to down tools and play on the floor with them, or have massive long creative discussions/art sessions, not caring about the mess. Maybe you told the best stories, or enjoyed doing all the voices when you read to them. Maybe you made sure to greet their friends and be genuinely interested in their lives. Maybe you played more video games with them than other kids' parents did. Maybe you sat up late hearing all the gossip because you are approachable when there is a problem. Maybe they know you slay on a karaoke machine and are secretly proud of you for that. Maybe your tendency to over-explain means you taught them their lifeskills with thoughtful metaphors and your EF difficulties meant you showed them a creative way to remake a bed or remember which setting the clothes go on the most. You're maybe the best at body doubling because you needed it too. Maybe you show them what it's like to be afraid but do the thing anyway... You get the idea. Maybe you were doing it well all along, but you were too busy fighting your brain to notice 🤗🤗🤗
@AvokiSuadi
11 ай бұрын
now , at 32 years, i‘m finally on the right diagnosis and medication. i struggled so hard, failed university, went through addiction etc etc. now i am back on track to get my life under control, but i‘m often really sad about how things went in the past… with the diagnosis everything makes sense , i understand and i am able to work it out :)
@GinervaWeasleyPotter
10 ай бұрын
I’ve realised slowly over the past year, all my “quirks” that made me stand out and seem interesting or annoying to people were just ADHD symptoms. Im 27. It was really REALLY relieving and irritating. On one hand, I know why I am the way that I am, and it’s not a character flaw or laziness or anything. On the other hand, looking at all the symptoms on paper that are common in women with ADHD, I had all of them - it should have been blatantly obvious and someone along the line should have helped, could have supported me, could have stepped in. But because I was high achieving, no one cared. A particularly harsh one was how depression and anxiety are common in women with ADHD, and I had almost unalived myself at uni because I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t keep up with all my classmates and the stress was killing me. Since realising this about myself, I started a new university course. I noticed that when my brain wandered during the lecture parts, that was ADHD, not me being stupid or lazy or not paying attention. I realised having to doodle in class so I could pay attention to what was being said, wasn’t a weird quirk, it was necessary to have more than one thing to focus on so I could focus on both. I realised my endless struggle to never be able to start assignments until the night before they were due wasn’t just me procrastinating or being an awful person, I physically couldn’t do it until the adrenaline kicked in. I realised the joy for learning I had when being asked questions and actively participating was because I was better suited to active learning and it was engaging my brain and giving me dopamine. I had a good cry after that first lecture, “grief for the life that could have been” indeed. I might have met the potential in school everyone said I had, I might not have dropped out of university, I might have had more direction in my career, I might have not seen myself for so long as a failure who deserved to be mistreated and had to earn her spot wherever she went. At least I know now and can find new ways to manage my ADHD without feeling guilt and self loathing about the symptoms. I hope everyone else out there finds out too x
@Gimenez528Hz
5 ай бұрын
"grieve the life" I absolutely know that feeling I was diagnosed at 55
@TheNinnyfee
10 ай бұрын
Not just women and girls, though. There are also guys with inattentive/mixed ADHD. ❤ Gendering these forms might prevent their diagnosis. There's also tons of eating disorders because of ADHD.
@Sharonmxg
10 ай бұрын
Diagnosed with ADHD, ASD at 56 years old after a lifetime of desperately seeking something..I am actively grieving an entire lifetime of missed and failed relationships, rejection, isolation, and exclusion. I don't know how to unmask, I don't know who I really am. I realized I don't have any actual aspirations of my own because I have spent 50 years trying to be what others expected of me without ever discovering myself. I envy young girls who are benefiting from more modern understanding. In 1973, a psychiatrist told my mother that "girls don't get ADHD"
@sharonh.5768
5 ай бұрын
Another Sharon here, diagnosed AuDHD this past December at age 55. I started wondering about a year ago when KZitem began suggesting videos on autism and ADHD. I was struggling at work for over a year with meltdowns and panic attacks which scared the crap out of me. I’d worked there for 21 years, mostly because I was good at my job and worked mostly by myself as our department staff were spread out in different offices around our city. But a new boss younger than my daughter turned out to be the last straw. Nothing I did was good enough, and then she offered our department up to take on responsibilities from other departments ‘because they had too much on their plate’. (News flash - so did we!) My husband tried to convince me to quit for more than a year before I realized the stress really was going to cause a heart attack or stroke. Hello, burnout! Next month will be a year since I quit my job and although my husband sees big improvements in me, I still can’t wrap my head around how exhausted I feel after doing simple things around the house. I’m perfectly happy to not leave the house for weeks. I’m grateful to have my family and close friends who are supportive, but I definitely still grieve the person I could have been if I had known earlier, and had been able to advocate for myself.
@MRSD45
11 ай бұрын
Morning the life that could have been, thats so real for me!
@seaweed2433
10 ай бұрын
Ouch i feel so called out 😂 so much suddenly made sense when i got diagnosed last year and its been hard to reconcile the past to it
@LotusAngel83
10 ай бұрын
Totally felt grieving the life that could have been. Turning 40 in a month and only been diagnosed less than a year ago. I don't know who I am because my personality/behavior has always been just been molding to what I see around me. Leaving me exhausted all the time. I mask all the time even at home with my family. Unmasking feels like constant embarrassment and cringey. I wished people talked more about ADHD's range of effects like being more susceptible to alcohol/drug usage, more impulsivity that can lead to things like STI's or even food issues. Not just forgetting to eat, but overeating as a way to stimulate. Finally I know it's not all my fault. Yes bad decisions I made are still my responsibility, but the there were underlying factors at play. I'm not a complete failure anymore. I still have to cope with the years of burnout, the rejection sensitivity and imposter feeling that I'm not sick enough to seen as needing help, but not well enough to function correctly. Getting diagnosed has felt like a life affirming experience that I can get there it just takes more time and effort for me to get there.
@smittywerbenjaegermanjensen
11 ай бұрын
This hit me a lot harder than it should have.
@piersburgoyne3649
11 ай бұрын
I understand 😪
@HollieAndApollo
11 ай бұрын
Same… I’m 38 and just getting diagnosed now.. it’s been very frustrating. I was so good at masking and using all these little tricks and hacks over the years and I finally just recently realized my life didn’t need to be this hard..
@bdaly03
11 ай бұрын
@@HollieAndApolloI’m basically one step ahead of your girl, don’t give up! Got diagnosed about 18 months ago at age 36 and still trying to learn how to live life with having new info and tools to cope. It gets better, you just have to keep fighting for it no matter what. I pray you receive all the help you need to make the rest of your life dramatically better in this regards!
@Sombre_Moon_sistermoon
9 ай бұрын
Hugs ditto
@dishevelleddev
11 ай бұрын
It's more complicated than that. Boys can have inattentive type, too, and anxiety/depression isn't always a misdiagnosis. In fact many of us have those concurrently with ADHD, maybe even caused by it. But you are right that we've normalized our ADHD and masked it to the point that it can take years for even a trained therapist to realize.
@wednesdayschildfullofwoe
10 ай бұрын
Yes, I consider my previous anxiety/depression diagnosis more like an underdiagnosis than a misdiagnosis.
@akpopfamily907
10 ай бұрын
Even though I have a diagnosis and have for 10+ years but even with therapy and an excellent doctor, I still mask. I mask until I have a complete melt down, at times ending up in a facility. Any time I have a new doc, they have a hard tune believing my diagnosis until they have been with me for awhile. It's so hard letting myself be me when I've been conditioned to believe that it wasn't acceptable and I was bad. Thank you for bringing up a hard subject.
@MsLinoi
10 ай бұрын
I got diagnosed over a year after being diagnosed with Depression & my diagnosis was *luck* because I told my psychiatrist that I had a panic attack after procrastinating. So they checked me for ADHD. Almost 2 years later, my adhd was questioned once more because of my epilepsy & my psychotherapist diagnosed me again😅 turns out, I'm not just the inattentive but cimbined (I was diagnosed with the inattentive type at first, probably, because I've been masking the hyperactivity & my impulsive behaviour) the Epilepsy is making things worse and more complicated for sure, it's worsening the inattentiveness, but it can't explain why I'm impulsive or why I've never really been calm throughout my entire life. I can't take stimulating meds like adderall since they might trigger seizures, but atleast I can go to therapy, work on my diet and exercise maybe...❤️ I've been masking this stuff for way too long & noone realized I've been struggling, I had good grades in school, now I'm struggling in Uni especially eversince I got diagnosed with Epilepsy because I don't have energy to do things right before the deadline... My old patterns don't work anymore 😅
@juliarussellkautt4748
11 ай бұрын
Undiagnosed - but sure this is what I’ve struggled with for decades. And yes, it stinks that I feel I’ve wasted so much of my life trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.
@zk6019
9 ай бұрын
Woman here. I got diagnosed with ptsd/depression at 25. I really do grieve the life that could’ve been.
@kaileyenns
11 ай бұрын
I was very very lucky to get diagnosed at 16. I went from being a D- student, to being a straight A student. My confidence skyrocketed.
@thenationreport7210
10 ай бұрын
what treatment worked for you?
@a.k.3110
10 ай бұрын
Can I just shine a light on the observation, that there are men and boys too with ADHD showing up either more inattentive or that had to learn and master these masking skills as well?
@Solitude11-11
10 ай бұрын
All true. And women can often have the hyperactivity too but are far more likely to be constantly told to sit still and not fidget…then it goes internal.
@Heyokas
11 ай бұрын
im a dude and this is exactly my story and i hate that im excluded from this cuz of my gender
@kristalpower292
10 ай бұрын
Hyperactivity still exits in girls it’s just often in the speed of thoughts or your often thought of a the dedicated athlete or dancer. No one questions someone going to the gym regularly or going to practice most nights a week.
@michellecobb8403
10 ай бұрын
Thank you! Exactly what I feel about my life. So much of my life lost! 😢 How much better it could have been.
@gabrielakarl3859
7 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed at 45 after my 4 year old was diagnosed....I was first diagnosed with depression by my NP...they also refused to give me ADHD meds in spite of my crippling exhaustion... found a psychiatrist NP and I'm all set now. I wish I knew sooner that my quirkiness is my ADHD not something Wrong with me
@aYTaccount
7 ай бұрын
Much love ❤ Edit : (was too overwhelmed and didn't know what else to type!) So I'm a woman in my mid 20s, and despite gaining information online from sources like yours... And finally making sense of why my life has been the way it is has been so far... Getting evaluated with severe depression, severe anxiety, and high on parameters of adhd... And STILL hearing things like "it's more your anxiety than adhd" from my therapist when asking for a formal diagnosis.. This hits hard (even though I clearly say that adhd symptoms are hindering my day to day tasks! I've left two jobs and am making zero progress in life.. Even though I'm aware that I'm capable of doing things with the right help! It's just saddening.. Plus cptsd to the mix makes things even harder.. Just because I'm not "VISIBLY" on a MOTOR in people's views... OF COURSE I am hyper energetic in my room... Away from my demeaning and toxic family) I hate being perceived, and of course... Most of my battle is in 'unmasking' my OWN self to ME, I rarely feel what it feels like to be out of executive paralysis
@jonhill3328
10 ай бұрын
Agreed, similar in men who don’t present hyperactivity but all the other symptoms too.
@KayleighMamaMissus
10 ай бұрын
At 33 I'm still sat on a waiting list after sooo many misdiagnosis' I felt this so personally
@callieherself9209
8 ай бұрын
Hence the reason so many of us are being diagnosed now in our 30s-50s. I’m 2 months into my diagnosis at 33. For the first time in my life I understand myself and am slowly unraveling all of the internalized loathing of not being able to perform seemingly regular/simple tasks. Before I knew I have ADHD, I used to say my brain was not my friend when I stumbled or struggled over little things. I find this ironic looking back.
@bellahexdanna3220
11 ай бұрын
My friend's thought I was super awkward till one asked me if I had adhd, I do and since then they make it easy for me to communicate with them.
@DownTheHoleConspiracy
7 ай бұрын
Yup. Although in a man and I use to be hyperactive but only liked doing things I Wanted to do. Til later on I got it under control after my addiction and I really had to figure things out within myself at 28. I’m 34 now and leerned I masked it very well now days until I seen some adhd videos and boom!!! Reminded me I still have it and it’s there.. I just mask it well but all the symptoms is there and still going on!
@denanebergall5514
7 ай бұрын
OMG, this is so me!! 😢 I am not diagnosed yet. Only recently just realized I might have adhd.
@chantaldrehobl4200
7 ай бұрын
100 percent me, but only noticed these connections via videos like yours as I have been watching add videos to understand my 16 add son.
@rainbowsludge660
7 ай бұрын
Well I'm male and this description resonates greatly. Its a curse to be able to mask it. But the mask does fall off and when it does I feel so ashamed from the inevitable disapproval from those judging all my mistakes. I think its very unhealthy to mask it, although I totally get why I/we do. However, its been a component of many which has led to self harming the face and neck. Its as if I desperately need people to see whats happening inside. What I struggle to articulate and cover up in attempt to fit into this world. It makes me feel quite insane at times, as Im sure it does many
@susanegley4149
9 ай бұрын
Not only THAT but, 1 in 4 of us have had S. trauma and have PTSD as well!
@margarettaylor6537
7 ай бұрын
I have just been told at 50 after being diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety of stress
@Avi_Z.
7 ай бұрын
Thank you. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 50’s. 🤦🏻♀️. It’s been a wild ride.
@Amberdawnn76
7 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed combined adhd and autistic at 46/47. I'm grateful I have my whole life ahead of me now.
@i_kissed_a_pixie1537
7 ай бұрын
Same at 42! ❤
@gemma-louisecarrington346
11 ай бұрын
Ouch. Right in the feels 😢
@melod3331
7 ай бұрын
45 and found out last year because I was using energy drinks to calm down from overstimulation anxiety and stress at my work environment, I’m thankful for the universe providing me comfort through a work mate that recognized my symptoms ,cause I’ve been shamed being called lazy and plain incompetent most of my teen and adult life by family and partners as well as by friends and colleagues… The hard part now is educating people around me about my condition…
@simplysarahorganizedesign938
11 ай бұрын
My “H” is all in the brain ✨🧠✨ When I start info dumping I realize it😅
@tiffknox6158
7 ай бұрын
I finally got in to see my new psychiatrist and asked about an ADHD/Autism DX and she completely blew me off saying, “well that’s a very complicated dx.” I’m going to treat you for depression and anxiety. Since I wasn’t diagnosed as a child she couldn’t help me with that. So bizarre! I think the depression and anxiety are stemming from the ADHD Neurospicy stuff.
@allrequiredfields
5 ай бұрын
The problem is this just another generalization in the opposite direction. Women aren't a monolith. And while men and women absolutely ARE different, this is entirely baseless.
@anthia1156
10 ай бұрын
I am a 48 old woman and i suspect I have ADHD. I was and I am hyperactive though. I believe I have autistic traits as well. I don't know if it's worth getting a diagnosis now. I have accepted myself and the way my brain works and I quite like me. What if I don't like my "normal" brain mode? My main issue is loneliness, difficulty making new relationships (romantic, frienships) and issues with connection and touch.
@lamented-musings8932
7 ай бұрын
Definitely. Am woman and although i am 100% inattentive I am also great at hyperfocusing and a psychologist gave me the conner’s test and told me i didn’t have adhd because I did well on it. All it did was test my clicking reaction. Listen, I play videogames so my clicking reaction time is pretty good. That test is very unreliable. Gonna get a diagnosis elsewhere.
@brazensigilos8161
5 ай бұрын
Funny enough this doesn't just apply to women, inattentive ADHD has those men diagnosed feeling the same way alot.
@jabberwockytdi8901
5 ай бұрын
Bit fed up of this male vs. female type ADHD thing , that's a simplfication. There may be a difference in ratio of the types of ADHD between men and women, but men with the more inattentive type are underdiagnosed as well, whereas women can also be in the more obvious hyperactive range.
@SashaFiercer
10 ай бұрын
Everything he’s said is me. Diagnosed this year at the age of 47 and realise why I’ve struggled with absolutely everything and wondering why I can’t just ‘get it together’ and be normal like everyone else. Such a waste of potential.
@katej-c4261
5 ай бұрын
You just described me and my life to a tee! Diagnosed 11 months ago at the age of 51 and every thing you said is true. Every single thing. I do wonder and grieve what my life could have been, I still struggle with debilitating low self esteem.
@GoDenimAndLeo
4 ай бұрын
This is my life in a nutshell. Not diagnosed until age 51 after my boys were diagnosed. I am constantly overwhelmed and often grieve the life I could have had if I had been diagnosed and treated early on. Every part of this is exactly how I have felt my entire life.
@carolyntalbot947
10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for your empathy ❤
@Preppy-886
5 ай бұрын
I copied link I want more people to understand how girls feel for example I am under 16 but I feel very insecure about myself because of how much I feel judged and I don’t know if it is smth to do with trauma cause I heard you can get adhd from trauma and I bite my nails and my dad screams at me and I just cry everyday and feel all the time I am alone and all my freind laugh and call me finger I just laugh and try to shake it off but inside every time it’s said it feels like another part of me breaks down and I dint know how much longer I can do this x ❤ sorry if this felt like I was ranting
@heididepotter8136
6 ай бұрын
My dad hit the hyper out. Children had to be seen NOT heard. I masked way to long!
@reishiramzi
6 ай бұрын
Glad this is coming out for women, but for polite boys with adhd its time we stop letting us suffer needlessly as well. In my experience, the same as inattentive female. Bet id Have an easier time transitioning then getting help. People dont want to help men...
@lynnh1682
6 ай бұрын
I never was told i was supposed to be quiet and not be weird and crazy loud so when i was in preschool i was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ritalin.
@BigIndianBindi-jy1cz
6 ай бұрын
im a guy and i have these same issues except i don't know how to mask. i'm still not hyperactive.
@ana419
7 ай бұрын
Who is this man in the video? Is this a Psychiatrist MD? Please give us information on the sources and authority behind the content of this channel. That is key to taking these to our Doctors for serious consideration.
@becksarmour9922
10 ай бұрын
That explains that absolutely brilliantly, sending love to you and thankyou so much for this ❤❤❤❤
@Yobydobie
10 ай бұрын
I’ve definitely lied my way into misdiagnoses and don’t know how to get my way out.
@nativetuber
7 ай бұрын
Even with a diagnosis, my doctor told me that I don't seem to have adhd and questioned the report 😢
@ellenwhittle2150
10 ай бұрын
Also often misdiagnosed with personality disorders!
@forfunstudiostm3788
5 ай бұрын
Ho, how can I be closer to adhd autistic girl! ❤😘
@traceyhilder6640
10 ай бұрын
Very much agree the grief for the life i could have been so true
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