TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
In this satire on our present economic divide in this country, I refer to a recent judicial case of a wealthy juvenile who got no jail-time for being found guilty of stealing liquor from a retail store, drunk driving/speeding 3 x times over the legal limit, and manslaughter 4 times over.* The defense that prevailed on his behalf: the claim of affluenza -- a so-called ailment of a wealthy person having been raised with privilege to the extent that she's unable to comprehend consequences for her actions.
*cf: www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2...
Senator Shimerheimer is played by Thomas100000. My thanks.
Transcript:
NARRATOR: Every year wealth affects the smallest portion of our population in a manner that trickles down upon everyone. Those who live by the silver spoon of affluence may be forever scarred psychologically by the privileges granted to them, day after day, in a world of materialism. Their so-called reward for having no other talent than being born into a so-called "good" family, is a newly recognized disease authorities call affluenza. I'm here today to raise awareness of this plight upon our most well-to-do families -- of being raised in a coddled lifestyle in which entitlement is believed to be a way of life, and one no longer feels culpable for one's mistakes. Fortunately, Texas State District judge Jean Boyd recently acknowledged this disease when she avoided a jail term for a wealthy teen who accidentally killed 4 middle-class citizens while he was speedily driving along his father's car, intoxicated a mere 3x the legal limit. I hope you will join the magistrate, as well as myself, in a contribution to this woeful teenager and his family -- not of any monetary reward (though most of his family's wealth is currently tied up in government contracts, so even that will be appreciated), but, rather, in a charitable contribution of forgetting this ever happened. By proxy, I'm here to ask you today to be prepared to brush things away -- even when this disease reaches your neighborhood, if it hasn't done so already. Please treat with leniency those who may wrong you, but who are accidentally raised to be too self-absorbed to care. Of course, I'm speaking today on behalf of our nation's finest -- yes, the wealthy.
SENATOR: In my office in Washington D.C., we've been aware of this problem for many years, and I'm proud to say: we were among the first to deal with it. I'm so happy today that affluenza is more controlled than it's ever been before. As it stands, thanks to my efforts and those of my party, wealth is now concentrated to a very few (approximately 1 percent of the nation holds 50 percent of it). But we still need your help. Please continue to vote for things like tax cuts for the rich and disregard any calls for campaign finance reform, and we'll soon nip this problem in the bud in order to prevent this disease of wealth from spreading.
NARRATOR: And just remember folks, if, for any reason, leniency and your vote is too much to ask of you, please just continue to ignore the problem and send us your apathy instead. Here at the Ivory Tower think-tank, we'll continue to do our best to turn these wayward United States, with so many exploitable resources, into a third world country with first class values.
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