Agile Merchenary
(Verse 1)
Twenty-three, coach and so mature,
Gave speech to bosses, but no one endured,
Execs ears were turned away,
He bought agile merch, do they now stay?
In his hand the most expensive Moderation case,
He hoped this will get him management attention,
Sharpie markers, super sticky sticky notes, execs first base?
But the C-Level Coach was from another dimension.
(Chorus)
It’s not about defending agility over waterfall fame,
Go find your own why - that’s not the same,
Through all the tools, books and all the buys,
Look within, and you’ll realize.
(Verse 2)
Kanban sim. games, heroes agility proud,
Decide card sets, he showed the crowd,
60 Planning Pokers, cards in hand,
But no one played, no one planned.
Delegation Decks, unFIX Merch too,
Huge Dysfunction maps in every hue,
All Product Canvases filled his little room,
But management ignored the agile boom.
(Chorus)
It’s not about winning an agile vs. hierarchy game,
Go find your own why - that’s not the same,
Through all the tools, books and all the buys,
Take a deep look within, and you’ll realize.
(Bridge)
Books on Scrum and team delight,
Product Management literature wished him a good night,
Sociocrazy paperbacks, Agility bibles,
New Work pamphlets, All Scrum Guides, Books of agility's disciples
Now thirty-five, his home’s a tomb, a store,
Talking Elmo puppet, Ken Schwaber doll galore,
Sharon Bowman’s original training space,
the PMI, a ship of SAD MF convoy grace.
He owns a small ski resort in Utah’s snow,
Yet still, agility for management was a huge no,
In despair, bought tie, cologne, smart disguise,
Executive meeting invites arrived, surprise, surprise.
(Chorus)
It’s not about making an "I’ve always been right" claim,
Go find your own why - that’s not the same,
Through all the tools, books and all the buys,
Take a very deep look within, and you’ll realize.
(Outro)
Morale learned, in agile’s grand frame,
It’s not about them playing your game,
And the Life size doll of Ken Schwaber,
Better hide it from your creepy neighbors.
To Ken Schwaber of course - still, Jürgen Appelo and Michael Loyd have the better merch. And to Angela Agresto & Karen Bruns for inviting me to the room of Sharon Bowperson.
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