It’s a compliment not to be hoovered. You don’t want that! Trust me. You want them to stay gone!
@vintagebabyseventythree6244
3 жыл бұрын
It’s an odd thing to want to be hoovered after they’ve discarded you. I’m guessing it’s normal and will eventually fade away. I think a lot of us want the pleasure of rejecting our npd/bpd ex right back, so it’s like please Hoover me so I can laugh right in your face.
@DrEmilyMayfield
3 жыл бұрын
After the discard you feel so out of control and this is hard. The narcissist wants to keep you feeling like you have no control and it is only natural to want to be hoovered. Stay strong!
@johnjohnson1681
2 жыл бұрын
you forgot the most important one you caused a mortal narcissistic injury
@Cucurigu813
3 жыл бұрын
No contact. No hoovering
@grantking6393
3 жыл бұрын
I wasn't hoovered because I blocked everything
@Therealdonaldtrumpusa
4 ай бұрын
Same! I told my ex narc to go f himself with the emoji too 😇 Then I changed my number, blocked him on all socials and put his phone number on grinder 🤷🏻♀️ oops..
@rainerneumeister5239
2 жыл бұрын
It seems as though the narcissist can’t loose. If they don’t hoover, they have control by not hoovering. If they do hoover they have control by manipulating you. There seems to be no way to beat them.
@Meii652
11 ай бұрын
Mine does not reach out AT ALL and it makes me SO angry because we have a Child 😡
@jdubbya348
11 ай бұрын
@Meii652 same for me, only I'm the father. So messed up
@Meii652
11 ай бұрын
@@jdubbya348 and the Child lives with you? Or with the Mother?
@jdubbya348
11 ай бұрын
@Meii652 with the mother, been a year and never met her. I was used then smeared once I called her out for it. Hopefully the child will find me someday.
@Meii652
11 ай бұрын
@@jdubbya348 But you can Go to court, you have visitation rights
@elaineclarke9177
Жыл бұрын
I had been hoovered twice but was not aware of it the first time, he was so smooth. Then he secured his new supply. I had to heal and it took months the pain of it. Then 4 years later it came back and hoovered me at xmas time to say it is all mines. This time round I am aware of it's antics and spent 1 year and 5 months grey rocking him and save my heart. He found me hard work and did not know what its going to do with me. It started saying things like me having male friends. It was telling on itself I knew there was a discard in the winds for me only this time it was blatant about it with the new supply in both hers and my face and saw nothing wrong in what it was doing. She was in the love bombing stage. I took my que and abruptly discarded him. I was expecting it anyway. I can tell you this much that mask fell off completely when it shouted 'Why, I can't see what is wrong with what i am doing. You will ask, then why did you go back to be hoovered? because I was lonely at the time but pissed off that he was not an empathic man. This demon must have been watching my moves without me realising. IT can panic now and look for another supply to fill my space. It gets bored real quick and dont do lonely. I will pray for her to see the BS for what it is. These demons really goes to church with bible in their hands, as this one did, they are werewolves dressed in sheep clothing. That's where I found and met it right in the church. I did block the demon only for it to ring me. I did not give it the satisfaction to speak as I had the power to shut the phone down. I am alone again but wont be hoovered a 3rd time it will be a waste of time.😂
@sarahb.art.a8100
2 жыл бұрын
I haven't been hoovered by my ex. It has been almost 5 years since I was discarded. It surprises me that I haven't been hoovered because I was a doormat for a while before I realized that I was being used. Then I silently started pulling away.
@Alice-ts3vl
28 күн бұрын
When you're too strong and educated, they won't hoover you❤
@andnowyouknow3363
Ай бұрын
Nearly 8 years of no-contact here with my BPD ex who has strong NPD traits. She hasn't hoovered, because she knows I will reject her on the spot. I did not chase her or ask her a bunch of questions when she initiated the no-contact. I simply accepted. Fast forward to today, life couldn't get any better. I am a completely different but much ore developed person in all aspects of my life. Currently also in a wonderful relationship for 5 years. Just bought a house together too.
@TheDevineFempress
4 ай бұрын
If you reject a Hoover you win….if you want them to go away …Hoover them ….they will reject you to be in control ….they are nut jobs !
@kimwells7245
3 ай бұрын
It's been 4 years and they still haven't hoovered me or contacted me since they discarded me. Thank you for explaining why they don't hoover you back. You're the only one on youtube who explained it. I've been trying to find the answer to this for years. So I appreciate you answering this question and helping me understand it's because it's about however they can feel they have the most control.
@DrEmilyMayfield
3 ай бұрын
So happy to hear this video was helpful and provided you some answers you have been looking for! And that is correct, it is all about them and what makes them feel in control and has nothing to do with you and what you did right or wrong.
@s1416p
6 ай бұрын
Darn! Turns out that the narcissist in my life was my therapist. She then decided I should see another therapist and end our relationship by going no contact with the silent treatment. This is very hurtful to me but I am trying not to react but instead be the best version of myself adult self. Painful and difficult not to think I am not good enough.
@bethcollier220
2 жыл бұрын
Haven't been hoovered since Dec of '17. I use prepaid dump phones. After my divorce was final with that thing... I did two phone dumps. When I found out who the flying monkeys were.. I dumped my phone again. My number will continuously change every 2 years. I don't register to vote either. That'll reveal my address. Plus.... When I left the state I was living in.... The doors on my past life was slammed on everyone. Moved into a neighborhood that's primarily old folks and I listen to their wisdom and knowledge. Since they're retired there's movement up and down the street.. so if the narc would ever show up.. they'd be seen clear. Plus we have this fabulous law called stand your ground. I would hate to have to use it.. but I will.
@HELLo_tHERE_plAyLists
2 ай бұрын
I can see someone thinking all these actions you’ve take are a bit paranoid but I had to comment and say: I’m the exact same way. I severely limit what I tell people. Blocked ex and anyone we knew in common. Changed my number twice and phone once. I feel violated and now carefully guard my privacy. You have to go through it to really understand the experience. I can’t imagine being a celebrity! Yikes! Stay strong. I’m preparing for a possible but hopefully unlikely Hoover by listing all he has done and the destruction he caused as a reminder for when it comes (Gods be good it does not) full force using every trick in the book. I am on the fence about saying anything at all but I also wrote scripts on how to respond by almost no responding or at least to a minimum.
@jacklimcortez7660
Жыл бұрын
Better to let them go and be around people who love you for who you are born to be free
@emmadonovanmarshall1834
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you! This was very helpful and much appreciated.
@DrEmilyMayfield
3 жыл бұрын
You're very welcome! Happy to hear it was helpful!
@reebell34
2 жыл бұрын
It's been two months and I haven't been hoovered. It is an odd feeling. I hated it when it was happening previously because I knew it was all lies however now that it's not happening it makes it real that it is over. I set the standard in our dissolution of the marriage. I wanted this and I still do. So why does it kind of bother me that he hasn't even tried? It's completely psychological. I am so much more happy and don't want him back. I think he realized I was finally done and that he wasn't going to get to me so easily as before.
@dylanstevens1301
Жыл бұрын
i just want to be closer to my son, and fear somebody essentially "replacing" my role as my only child's father
@Happy-Me.
10 ай бұрын
I was hoovered once by my BPD ex with a blank message. I told her not to Hoover me again and have heard nothing since.
@vintagebabyseventythree6244
3 жыл бұрын
Can you talk about bpd
@DrEmilyMayfield
3 жыл бұрын
There is a lot of overlaps in NPD and BPD. I can try to add some videos specifically on BPD in. Thank you for the recommendation.
@Nobodyhome630
3 жыл бұрын
Does any of this apply to secondary supply ?
@DrEmilyMayfield
3 жыл бұрын
I am not sure what you are referring to specifically, but always remember a narcissist does whatever benefits them. Who the other person is/was doesn't matter to them. It comes back to what they need for themselves in that moment.
@fantasiazplatkami
Жыл бұрын
@@DrEmilyMayfieldsecondary supply= u are not their target person, just someone they consider less worthy , but hang out with U a bit.
@nicholecornes1915
5 ай бұрын
Lol i guess im useless
@richardgomez1353
Жыл бұрын
She hoovered me once or twice and suddenly stopped Haven’t heard from her for about 6 months I see her around town pretty often Why did she suddenly stop hoovering?
@rockybalboa4593
Жыл бұрын
Probably has a new supply
@karimshalaby9124
3 жыл бұрын
If the narcissist "love" was a mirage to me, was my love also compensatory or was it misplaced love.
@dawnacoxon3111
2 жыл бұрын
Our “love” for the narcissist is the ultimate example of love is blind.
@Cherabreena
Жыл бұрын
It's not love. It's a trauma bond.
@JH-td4mn
4 ай бұрын
Look up limerance. We only loved the illusion of who we thought they were. That person never existed.
@mikeg7553
Жыл бұрын
My female covert narcissist has hoovered me a few times but she suddenly stopped it’s been months since I’ve heard from her Why is this, why was she so nice and talkative the last time we spoke Then the next day she just cut me out of her life?
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