Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
In this video we are going to explore the anger, reward, guilt, and shame sequence. This is certainly common in those with BPD and other PDs, but also in those without PD or with other mental illnesses. As we go through this process, you may stop and think, “hey that’s me!” This is a common react and this is invaluable insight. Recognition equals empowerment, which equals control, which means you choose how to respond instead of others or the world around you.
Common causes of anger include:
Stress: Stress related to work, family, health and money problems may make you feel anxious and irritable.
Frustration: You may get angry if you fail to reach a goal or feel as if things are out of your control.
Fear: Anger is a natural response to threats of violence, or to physical or verbal abuse.
Annoyance: You may react in anger to minor irritations and daily hassles.
Disappointment: Anger often results when expectations and desires aren’t met.
Resentment: You may feel angry when you’ve been hurt, rejected or offended.
Once you have an anger expression, you tend to get an anger reward. If you only felt guilt then shame, you wouldn’t engage in so much anger. Anger rewards can be many things, such as an emotional release, someone else stops bothering you or hurting you, someone else gives in and gives you what you want. It all depends on the reward, but recognize that the reward that is often so close to the anger expression encourages a future anger episode.
Most individuals tend to have short-term anger rewards and quickly fall into guilt for their anger expression and how they negatively impacted someone else or a situation. Guilt can manifest as anger or depressive rumination, which is very common for those with BPD (explain). It can be a tendency to over justify actions, thoughts, and feelings, increase the tendency to be overly emotional, be a cause for difficulty sleeping, you tend to avoid those source of your guilt, you overcompensate, or you blame that other person .
When guilt subsides, shame is often next. Shame eats away at your self concept, outlook on life, and degrades your ability to manage your behavior, hence leading to an increase likelihood you’ll have additional anger episodes.
So, what do you do about it? Identify the underlying cause of your anger, build in strategies to lessen the stress, frustration, fear, annoyance, disappointment, and resentment. Immediate management techniques include giving yourself a timeout when anger activated, leave the situation as you feel your temperature rising, and use “I” statements and avoid blame and raising your voice, this only makes matters worse.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com/books
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
Dr. Fox offers consultation sessions to help you learn more about your BPD:
www.drdfox.com/consultation
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Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
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