Also anxiously attached people feel very close to their partner when they have sex almost like bonding, they feel like they're getting their needs met. so much more important to them. They feel this level of deep closeness and they feel wanted and appreciated there's so much more than just sex with the attached
@Leonard-Mazet
3 жыл бұрын
I very much relate to that!
@ronb9901
2 жыл бұрын
Spot on! 👍
@roberttruman8444
2 жыл бұрын
Is acts in many ways like a drug, a good drug! Providing the sex is mutually enjoyed, then for that brief period the anxiously (and also the dismissive) attached person experiences bliss. Their mind doesn't stray off and start finding things to worry about, and when the sex is with a dismissive avoidant then it also serves as a way of communicating one another's feelings, which is a big deal for the DA for obvious reasons. For those in a AP/DA relationship it is often a lifeline. It provides relief, clarity, safety, and boosts confidence.
@MrPunch09
4 жыл бұрын
If you ever find yourself describing your relationship as "walking on eggshells" that's a clue the communication is weak. If you censor yourself it does you no good and this can be perceived as lying by omission. This further degrades the communication by cultivating an environment where trust is brought into question, exasperating insecurities and resentments on both sides. In this scenario the relationship is ripe, and "along comes a spider". Typically in the form of someone else who one party or both parties are expressing their intimate details to someone outside the relationship. So now you effectively have an emotionally polyamorous relationship with a don't ask don't tell policy. This further drives the wedge between the two primary parties as you could imagine. Walking on egg shells is sabotage, do the work of fostering a strong relationship or tell the other party to leave and go half ass with someone who will tolerate a vague existence.
@user-rb5vo7vn6y
4 жыл бұрын
I’m on the anxious side of anxious-avoidant and I really struggle with my partner finding other women attractive or seeing other women naked. I feel so unsafe, not valuable, and disconnected. My walls go up immediately and I become so avoidant because of the pain and fear involved. I want my partner to be faithful and honoring to me in their heart, mind and actions. I keep this standard of faithfulness to my partner myself and want to know that I am honored and cherished in this way as well, and that I don’t have to worry about whether he is thinking of another woman. This is one of my biggest triggers. I really struggle to express my emotions and needs around this.
@priscillamatheny
4 жыл бұрын
I feel ya... I'm the fearful avoident. I've dated someone who was anxious avoident... I loved him with every ounce of my being but his insecurities pushed me away. I was at the point of walking on eggshells every moment of every day. Every post on social media I made I was worried he would think I was somehow being flirty, every time I talked to another guy in a friendly way he would think I was trying to screw the person, and just so many more things. I gotta tell you, you learning about your attachment style is amazing. I wish he had done the same so kudos to you
@FlavinhaOliveira
4 жыл бұрын
J This is exactly me! I have no idea about your situation, but there may be a chance you're in relationship with a narcissist person. If this is the case, it'll be constant pain and fear of rejection for as long as the relationship lasts..
@user-rb5vo7vn6y
4 жыл бұрын
Flavia Oliveira Thank you for your feedback! I did think he could be a narcissist for a while, but after researching and also watching some of Thais’ videos, I’m fairly certain that he is just anxious-avoidant like I am, but polarized to the dismissive side. The more dismissive he got the more anxious I got and/or the other way around/all at once lol. He actually just broke up with me last week 💔😭. He had pushed away everything I said and showed him about attachment styles, but then told me that everything I said and the videos I showed him were spot on when he broke up with me. He finally acknowledged and admitted it, but he doesn’t want to pursue healing and growth with me, at least not right now. He said he doesn’t see it as an ending, but as a growth opportunity, but that he has to find it his own way, and then maybe later we can pursue it together. Idk... I’m so heartbroken right now. 😪 As a note though, an art therapist I watch on here (she works a lot with attachment theory) says that all attachment wounds are narcissistic wounds and that anxiety and avoidance are two sides to the same core wounds. That it’s a case of like-attracts-like instead of opposites attract. I guess that’s why some of our behaviors can be confused with narcissistic personality disorder.
@FlavinhaOliveira
4 жыл бұрын
J Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear he broke up with you. It's not sounding nice the fact that he is saying that maybe in the future the story can be different. This is what narcissists do: leave the door open so you continue hooked and they can easily come back (called hoovering). I suggest you looking at other aspects of narcissism (I.e. covert narcissism, which is not the stereotype but oh so common and the worst kind, because it's so hard to detect!) and try to understand if he is one without using your empathy and compassion to make excuses for someone you love (but doesn't love you back - because he is not capable to do so) - IN CASE he is narcissistic (I’m not saying he is). Most narcissists can be anxiously attached in the beginning stages then become avoidant and or dismissive, with short periods of respite so you conrinue hooked. It's a feeling of addiction, not love, we feel for them (I’m not just saying it). It's an obsession with trying to get the other person to love us, and with hoping they will change. I've been there. I also follow Briana. I’m insisting because you may find the closure you need to have and move on in case he is one.
@priscillamatheny
4 жыл бұрын
@@user-rb5vo7vn6y I'm so sorry to hear about your heartache sweetness ❤ I assure you, after you get through the initial tough first couple of weeks/months, you will indeed move on and I personally believe things happen for reasons in our short lives. I think you have many more things to learn (as we all do), and you'll learn them with different people and more experiences. Look at this time as a window of opportunity for growth, because it's in discomfort that we seek change.
@christinaspann1737
4 жыл бұрын
Right on point. As an anxious attachment plus the coupling of low self esteem and bad boundaries - as a teen my views on sex and relationships were so skewed. I had sex to please others and get any kind of connection but would often find sex cold and only serving to the man. It is odd to say this but like she said- You start off with sex but then I ended up in a sexless marriage for 8 years until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I made a lot of mistakes and my abandonment and attachment styles really were a driving force. It took a long way to get to a healthier view of sexuality and start serving myself and see it as a beautiful sharing act. Everyone has their own journey. Learning about anxious attachment and codependency has helped me a lot but In the long run loving yourself, trusting yourself and nourishing yourself has been the key to healing as well. It’s not an easy road but I can see light at the end of the tunnel. sex and relationships aren’t as scary as they used to be. Love these videos. Thanks !
@Anime_kitten
3 жыл бұрын
Me too. Same thing happened to me now. I only care about myself. Guy has to be attractive. And pleasure me now. I wont settle for less
@roberttruman8444
2 жыл бұрын
My experience was slightly different in that I took immense satisfaction in pleasing my partner, and most of the time didn't neglect myself or have any reason to be resentful. I would not enjoy the sex if my partner didn't, which was a good way to ensure that the sex life was kept exciting, but was why sexual compatibility was pretty mandatory. Unfortunately my longest relationship was with someone I am still very close friends with but with whom there was no sexual chemistry. By the end the relationship was pretty much sexless. She battled depression and would occasionally get very drunk and this was when she wanted sex. I never got to that level of drunkenness in my life and certainly did not want sex while I was drunk and it felt very obligatory for both of us. Women talk about the need to fake orgasms a lot, but I found myself having to do this numerous times, and as someone who values sex as something to celebrate this was an all time low.
@Diego_Winterborg
3 жыл бұрын
As an anxiously attached male I can confirm that all Thais said is absolutely spot on!
@littlefishell81
2 жыл бұрын
The sex life I have with my current partner has been a real reflection on how much personal development I have done. It is so so different to what I have been like with my former partner. So it's been very revealing as to the amount of healing I've done. This has been reassuring for me
@monkeytrollhunter
3 жыл бұрын
I have a secure attachment style so that's a relief. If I feel that my partner will leave me, I wouldn't have fears without any evidence. It's pointless to be in fear of something that has no evidence.
@ytbymz
4 жыл бұрын
Being an ENFP 7w with an INFJ and watching this you changed my life forever
@casandrahanson3838
4 жыл бұрын
This is my exact situation too!
@Yallahbyee
3 жыл бұрын
I’m an INFJ dating an ENFP... trying so hard here!
@NoahLema
2 жыл бұрын
The way this is so accurate is so insane
@nycjanedoe
4 жыл бұрын
100%. Thank you. As humbling as it is identifying these patterns, the clarity I get knowing my experiences match patterns for anxious preoccupied attachment, feels validating, which I do need.
@gregc247
2 жыл бұрын
Well this was spot on, everything she talked about from the guys perspective was spot on
@dubstepfrenzy
8 ай бұрын
This is so spot on. I do use sex as a tool to avoid abandonment and have for my entire sexual life. I find myself worrying if I say no, my partner will leave me and go find someone else who is more willing all the time. I find this makes me dissociate sometimes during sex, or I will straight up start thinking about abandonment during a sexual act. I overall do have a high sex drive, but I do resonate with it fizzling out over time, usually because there is some kind of emotional need I haven’t expressed because I don’t want to push people away but then I obsess about it internally and it affects my ability to feel connected and then I can’t get “in the mood.” Vicious cycle. I look forward to diving into this work more, to move towards a more secure attachment. Thank you for this info!
@UngdommensMonopol
4 жыл бұрын
You are very good at teaching and explaining. Thanks for sharing :)
@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you! I'm so glad you've found value in my content. Stay tuned for more!
@Iamthebigcheeze
4 жыл бұрын
This resonated with me soo much.
@Iamthebigcheeze
4 жыл бұрын
Can you do a video on how this attachment style connects with delayed ejaculation or ED. I am more often easily aroused and can finish on my own than with a partner. I feel pressure to cum inside or when she touches me. I love touch, but my private area does not seem to respond to other sensations outside of myself. It makes me super anxious that a girl would be disappointed with my inability to finish despite being hard because I am more comfortable masturbating.
@kale_salad
2 жыл бұрын
read to filth by this woman. Buying your books rn I stg
@564d
4 жыл бұрын
First of all, your voice is cute af. Second of all, thank you for this video. I appreciate you
@Pr_20
4 жыл бұрын
This is so me! My DA and I were together 3 months and had no sex (I wanted to wait) but he started to pull away so we had sex so I could feel closer. The sex was to awkward and after listening to the DA and sex video I understand why. I do feel sex for me is a connection and without it I wouldn’t feel that. I have a high sex drive and never get bored.
@nicolekinsler6640
4 жыл бұрын
I couldn't describe myself any better if i tried... I am anxious A.. To a T... It's so textbook and you're channel has become a daily thing for me as I deal with a 6 year breakup and promised myself i wouldn't keep these traits going anymore... They ruin me 😔
@blaqkween4628
4 жыл бұрын
Nicole Kinsler omg same, I’m getting over a 6 year breakup too. Sending you love and hugs🤗
@BirdieHaze2207
2 ай бұрын
This is absolutely me!! Spot on.
@Leonard-Mazet
3 жыл бұрын
Your add came on this video, what you're doing is truely awesome. Love to you, may you bring peace and happiness to many people
@caycic1
4 жыл бұрын
And again.....she's right ♡
@Neeshad22
4 жыл бұрын
I like, share, and subscribe. This channel has helped me so much in the past month. I share it with people all the time. These are tools most people are not taught so we go through life feeling defeated and broken. I feel capable and empowered now that I have strategies to deal with my past trauma. Thank you for this.
@marinakondova4854
4 жыл бұрын
I really love those videos. One advice only which I think would help people like me more and I hope you won’t mind me giving this comment, is that 80% of the videos explain about examples or specifics on the attachment types (which if you already know which one you are, you know very well what your actions are or how you react in those situations without the need I think for the video to repeatedly explain for 15 min things we all know as we are those attachment style. What will be much more comforting and helping is to talk more about the solutions. For example 5 min explaining examples (which we all know and analysing) and 15 min of solving these problems. I somehow feel there is a lot of analysis which doesn’t help the person who already knows those problems for themselves but what we actually need is more help on how to grow and learn from those problems. Right now each video decicates only few min at the end on the solutions. And while listening so long about why or what or how (which we already know), we get highly dissaponted that all those examples are slapped in your face, yet the solutions are not very well structured...In my case I love your podcasts so much but I tend to feel more worried listening too much examples what someone has done in the childhood or how they avoid something in the present, but get almost no clear guidance at the end on how not to feel this way. Already the title of each video suggest what the topic will be about to a person with similar experince can directly click on the title knowing why they are choosing this particular topic and then get an answer/guidance directly without the 10 min of analysing those people and get last 3-4 min for how to solve this. Just some food for thought.
@angelinarinna5014
6 ай бұрын
It's because she wants you to buy the course to find all of that out. She spends her time putting together all of these videos for us and has helped so many of us for free. If she gave away all of the information to help us, it would be like her time was worth nothing to us. She puts out so much valuable information and has helped so many. The least we can do is buy her course! ❤
@ronb9901
2 жыл бұрын
It’s getting annoying that you’re so right so often! 😉 But! I never thought I was a AP until I started dating a DA, now all I think is what the fuck am I doing and how the hell do I deal with my DA?!!!
@kyrareneeLOA
Жыл бұрын
So how do you get them to be more secure in themselves... insead of using sex, as a pacifier??
@liammorningstar4970
4 жыл бұрын
I love u Thais Gibson....u are the best
@JIMH_
3 жыл бұрын
this is me. after I find out my partner’s been unfaithful or has lied to me, sex becomes painful. I cry during love making once I’ve been betrayed but I continue to have sex/be with the person who hurt me. It’s such a toxic & draining cycle😭
@englishwithsanjuktadas
4 жыл бұрын
You are awesome!! Thank you so much
@cherieenicholson6654
4 жыл бұрын
Spot on!
@angeliquenoelle7316
4 жыл бұрын
Hello! Could you do a video about the differences between AA protest behaviors and being dismissive or fearful avoidant? Learning this really helped me to understand more about my attachment style and I bet it would help others who may be feeling DA or FA but are actually AA but just using behaviors that push others away. Thank you :)
@piamuscat
4 жыл бұрын
AH.... do you have any links you could share in thurs topic? Thanks!
@angeliquenoelle7316
4 жыл бұрын
piamuscat sorry I just saw this comment but I read it in the book Attached by Amir Levine but I’ll write them out here: Protest Bx are any action that tries to reestablish contact with your partner and get their attention. Anything that jolts the other person into noticing or responding to you. Some examples: Excessive attempts to reestablish contact Withdrawing Keeping score Acting hostile Threatening to leave Manipulation Making them jealous
@piamuscat
4 жыл бұрын
@@angeliquenoelle7316 thanks for your reply. I will check out that book.
@AfghannBeauty21
4 жыл бұрын
Hi there, you please do a video on anxious attachment partners in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant partner in terms of intimacy
@jennafelder6399
4 жыл бұрын
@AfghannBeauty21 She has, you probably just have to scroll back a ways :)
@seangilshannon8939
29 күн бұрын
So. I was married to the poster child of a dismissive avoidant. Checks off every item. 31years of marriage. The scant sex was just terrible. I'm now disoriented. Divorced now and my dating is not going well. I need to get back to normal.
@inovermyhead2988
4 жыл бұрын
Wow. This is so so so incredibly helpful. Thank you for this!
@neptunusrex5195
2 жыл бұрын
I need a differential on if it’s my attachment style versus just my regular ocd 😅🙈
@sohila5033
Жыл бұрын
Yes as a AA I only have sex to please my husband otherwise I could care less for it. DA husband says he cares that we only have sex when I really want but if I say no he gets super dismissive and get cold and distant. Physical touch is not my love language it's his though. My love language is connection and communicating honestly without repercussions. I guess this has to do with my sexual abuse history as a minor.
@luislahassey
3 жыл бұрын
Any pattern you have seen with anxious males and PE? And perhaps advise.
@whamadam7
3 жыл бұрын
I would have really appreciate it if you could share your references...or some of them.
@gebronthomasson6960
9 ай бұрын
For me a male AP the before and after more important to me(now granted I love the sex)but as compared..touch is massively important..
@johannaj1522
4 жыл бұрын
Hi, is it possible you misnamed the part of the video within parenthesis? I do not believe anxious preoccupied is the same as anxious avoidant or disorganized
@johannaj1522
4 жыл бұрын
Part of the title I mean :)
@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
4 жыл бұрын
Yes! The title was left from the previous video :) Thank you!
@montieannear2982
4 жыл бұрын
Bingo
@gwho
4 жыл бұрын
0:15 yeah, why were you withholding the sex video 😂
@alexgreen1913
4 жыл бұрын
Omg I took the love language test and I got physical touch. I didn't know I had this but it makes since. Hey what do you think about the AA and porn? I'm curious
@zigazagaaddiction
4 жыл бұрын
Well, you're not wrong haha..ha
@ejroughley
3 жыл бұрын
I hope you have invested in a more suitable microphone.
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