When your parents treat you a burden from a young age, it’s hard to stop believing everyone feels the same about you
@marly689
8 ай бұрын
For me it was everyone in my environment not just my parents. Autism sucks.
@user-pe5xv4ev7d
8 ай бұрын
that's why I became avoidant. I think just my presence is a trouble :-(
@Buhleep
8 ай бұрын
especially when they're also your first bully. idk how I survived my childhood😂
@mtul86
8 ай бұрын
:(@@Buhleep
@user-tr7yg7zo3j
8 ай бұрын
This opened me up to the “burden” I was to my mother. Every time I walked into a room where she was, she would sigh, like I was “bothering” her. One day I called her on it. “Why do you sigh so much, Mom? What’s wrong?”I asked. She replied, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you!” In other words I was expected to be a mind reader about something I was doing wrong. It was a no-win against her passive aggression. Anyway, I grew up terrified that I might be a “bother.” 😢
@Jazminksie
8 ай бұрын
Taking up space is my most difficult struggle...
@jettanyiagumbs6091
8 ай бұрын
You don't just take up space...You Matter... 🥰🤭😅
@lauramytunes
8 ай бұрын
I hear you ❤ i am becoming aware it is very difficult for me as well.
@sharynmain2432
8 ай бұрын
Sadly some of us loose space with others stealing more than their share… Bolshey siblings, maybe parents snatching attention or family members or friends wanting you to baske in the shade while they expand their own needs. Go forth and conquer people…. Be seen and be heard.😮
@Jazminksie
8 ай бұрын
@sharynmain2432 such a good point. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Sadly, fairness, equality, justice, maturity, kindness, humility, are rare occurrences.
@mariamjimoh885
8 ай бұрын
@@jettanyiagumbs6091never before has physics brought tears to my eyes ❤️
@JennySEJ
8 ай бұрын
Aaand, when you try to break out of this pattern because you have become aware of it, you might feel super guilty when people notice you act differently than they expected and they might think you're rude all of a sudden. I just had to realize and accept that most of my old friendships was based on me being actively traumatized and when I began to heal and change my patterns - all of a sudden I was not fun to have around because they took it for granted that I would just give and give and give, and help unconditionally. Rude awakening, but also good riddance.
@kendallliann
8 ай бұрын
This !! Especially at work. Once I stopped 'over functioning ' suddenly it was a problem
@JennySEJ
8 ай бұрын
@@kendallliann yes, like you said - Especially at work, they where ruthless at my workplace to the point of me quitting my job and effectively ending my career because there was no boundaries and only judgement when I basically matured emotionally from understanding what I have been through. No one knew my struggles, they didn't know I have been abused, nor should they have to. They just saw me as a pushover. At some point during this awakening process of how you function and what your patterns are, you get a better sense of your own value and morals. And you will heal even more if you act in accordance to your true self, imo.
@neoyaku
8 ай бұрын
Just hit this phase with several family and friends
@eileengleeson7851
8 ай бұрын
Jenny what a powerful comment I agree with you 💯 per cent thanks for sharing it's the truth ❤
@duckalot
8 ай бұрын
Omg I spent the pandemic years using the isolating thing as an excuse to cut out the people that used me and made me feel like crap 😭I still slip into people-pleasing patterns sometimes, and I only hang out with my girlfriend and family now (and I'm distancing myself from my family a bit to get more independence) but I definitely feel less like I have to be responsible for keeping everyone safe/happy. It's a gradual process, but I've found that I love myself and my environment is incredibly important to my mental health, so to be around people who love me too and don't put conditions I have to meet to get their approval on me.
@BigIndianBindi-jy1cz
8 ай бұрын
i'm a people pleaser, but not that type. I'm the type that lies to the therapist to make the therapist think they're helping when they're not. I feel like they will get mad at me if I don't act like they're helping.
@immystery3946
8 ай бұрын
Mood
@cosmicmuffin322
8 ай бұрын
You need to tell your therapist this, if you haven't already. If they are a good therapist they will prove themselves worthy of your trust and you will probably feel a huge sense of liberation and relief! I did for sure 🙂
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
You're wasting both your time and theirs that way. Your therapist is the one person you can't do that to. Honestly If someone pretended that I helped them when I didn't I would take that as an insult. So use people pleasing logic that you don't want to waste someone's time. If you have to find any way to feel guilty about lying to them, because it'll be so much better in the long run to be honest Look if you can't actually do it face to face It's totally okay to like write down a book of how you've been feeling and your perspective of everything and then just hand it to someone so you don't have to deal with talking to someone and explaining it at the same time. When I people please I will do or say anything it's like I'm not the same person. So the only way I can say what I mean is if I'm texting or if I wrote it down beforehand
@ap3008
8 ай бұрын
I can relate...except I'm doing it so that the therapist doesn't feel bad for not helping me.
@kyrah1313
8 ай бұрын
A few comments on here saying that you're wrong for doing what you're doing but I agree with you. I've seen 5 different therapists as I have been diagnosed with a few serious health conditions. Unless the therapist has been in your shoes they don't understand how to help or guide you. They learnt from a text book which doesn't have all the answers. Cruel truth the only person who can help is you. Time is a healer & you will work in out when you are ready to let it go. All the best my friend. ❤
@sincerecinnamon
8 ай бұрын
Exactly. At family events, I figure that the best way to help is to shrink myself down and try to be invisible instead of socializing because being "independent" and "quiet" by denying my needs has always brought me praise.
@snoozebutton23
8 ай бұрын
I do that but mainly cuz im a scapegoat. So i do not draw attention to myself and become a fly on the wall.
@nickpassion123
8 ай бұрын
Same
@amandastypul4399
8 ай бұрын
Yep, this is why.
@uuiwindi
8 ай бұрын
This was tooooo relatable. The feeling that you can't relax unless you do something "useful" hit hard.
@qingdaogrrl
8 ай бұрын
I've never felt so seen. Sigh. Gotta stop doing this.
@petals1000
8 ай бұрын
Always in between trying not to feel stupid bc I tried too hard, people pleasing and doing too much, and forcing myself to not care even tho I do… Trying to act normal is hard😢
@JR-cooru
8 ай бұрын
I am with you! I hate it 😅
@AEM479
8 ай бұрын
Yes!!! ❤
@petals1000
8 ай бұрын
Well, 70 likes must mean we aren’t alone.. 🥲
@bethanienaylor
8 ай бұрын
Trying to act normal IS hard
@SunflowerAspenPlays
8 ай бұрын
Its hard not to do this when you grow up being made to believe your only redeeming features are "low maintenance" and "helpful". Both my family and some of my friends treated my that way.
@viannebinoche
8 ай бұрын
After being bullied, 25 years later this is me (BUT: working on it! Yesterday I started my first argument at work, because I will not be taken advantage off any longer 💪 )
@Marina_7
8 ай бұрын
Congrats!!
@Permissi0nSlip
8 ай бұрын
Good for you!
@TEM14411
8 ай бұрын
I cannot believe i was so like this. Thank you God for healing. Wisdom. Inner peace and self love. Peace and blessings to all.
@Wgeez7
8 ай бұрын
Ive learned to not be like that anymore because people will really take advantage of you.
@earthheavenisa
8 ай бұрын
This is so much part of my Asian collective consciousness. Everybody is EXPECTED to feel like a burden when visiting. And fight to death to pay the bill when eating out. Not for the sake of others, but to feel less worthless.
@bellabong8862
8 ай бұрын
Earthheavenisa: LOL. Yes fighting over the check is what I and my Asian family members do too. On the very rare occasion that I'm not fast enough to grab it first, I feel guilty and like a loser or thought of as a cheapskate for having them spend money on me. If I pay all the time, then I feel resentful. What a mess. I'm grateful for being aware now that this is unhealthy behavior, not honorable or even truly generous from the heart.
@cheesecakepaws
8 ай бұрын
The irony of this is that while you try to desperately take up less space, you are actually taking up more space than you noitce. Leaving early because you think nobody wants you there or shutting down in the middle of a party or starting to clean up in the middle of it all is just distracting and irritating for most people. All of these accommodations you are making, makes people feel very uncomfortable and then they have to put a lot of mental energy into you to make sure you feel relaxed and okay, constantly having to check on you to see if you feel welcomed and being anxious you're going to shut down again for no reason or won't take what they try to offer you over and over again. It's draining, and someday, they will give up, so you're going to feel justified in your feelings, and the cycle continues itself.
@Permissi0nSlip
8 ай бұрын
I understand what your saying but also realize the people won’t take what other people offer them is because they possibly had toxic people. Toxic people who say you could have something and then make you feel guilt or shame you for it. Or even worse blame you for wanting it. So yes people may get tired but everyone isn’t trying to get attention and making them feel bad for it won’t help. People are here to see their patterns so they can stop. Some people don’t have therapy or have healthy relations that aren’t taking care of them for example.
@theinvincibleinvestress
8 ай бұрын
This is so important, I'm so glad you said this! For some people who don't understand why others "quit" on them this may spark something that helps them see the other person's side and maybe go back and work on balancing the relationship. We are taught to invalidate our own feelings while giving people the space to heal and sometimes that creates its own trauma...
@buszje1
8 ай бұрын
Ow I recognize myself...not trying to be a burden and always doing something to help at parties
@reneeMajor856
8 ай бұрын
I over burnt myself doing this so bad I had an 12 mnts breakdown.
@teenahmichelle407
8 ай бұрын
I passed out at work from doing too much and as I was waking up I was apologizing for making a scene 🤦🏽♀️
@HNCS2006
8 ай бұрын
This is my mum. Every single point. Recently she was meeting my sister's in laws for the first time, they had invited her to an expensive dinner, and she had to make sure the in laws knew she had already eaten so she wouldn't be spending a lot of their money.
@Marina_7
8 ай бұрын
Same! And ofc it can (and probably does) affect you too. I remember the first time I noticed just how much I was used to expecting (and my mom expecting me) to be a burden on others. I had gone on a trip with some friends' group of friends, we all decided to go together, split the money etc. On the trip, I was in awe at how much praise and appreciation people gave me for my personality, small stuff I did, talents etc. I was genuinely astpunded thinking "holy shit, I'm not complete trash, I have some value". When I returned, my mom asked if I'd thanked them for taking me with them, all with a tone as if I was someone's annoying little sibling they were forced to take with them. It clicked so fast.
@a35362
8 ай бұрын
I don't like waiting in lines, not because I'm too good to wait in a line, but because if there is some resource that we all have to wait in line for, I feel that by standing in the line, I am part of the problem. "What, YOU want one TOO? Great. Okay, hang on...." 😟 I can't go to a fast food place if there are lots of other people there (like at lunch time). If we're having an office potluck or breakfast, I have to wait until everyone else has been through the line once and only then get whatever is left, picked over.
@janinawaz4596
8 ай бұрын
That's hardcore. Sometimes there's just a distribution choke point. There's plenty to go around but they just can't make it or hand it over fast enough. The best thing you can do for workers in that case is be pleasant (instead of rude and impatient) when it's your turn to get some. Also, some places use manufactured scarcity to increase demand. In that case, I'd walk away too.
@m.h.8084
8 ай бұрын
So sad, and so true. So many of us recognize the feeling. Then I feel like a burden for feeling like a burden. Why can't I just be normal? I don't dare call my friends not to bother them. They might think I don't care or think of them, and I struggle so much to click on send a simple "how are you?" message after contemplating a call for an hour and deciding it might be too disruptive (on a day off, in a mormal situation).
@stealthwarrior5768
8 ай бұрын
In Australia, everyone brings a plate and a bottle of booze to a party. That's just good manners. I understand that it's not expected in USA.
@boobah2622
8 ай бұрын
Ehhhh it kinda is, though. Maybe a hispanic thing, but I've always been told not to show up empty-handed. Could also be that the people throwing the gatherings arent rich so bringing something helps to not have everything on the host and have a better time. I am from NYC(most my family born and raised in nyc) where things are always tough which could also be a reason.
@lottidabodi
8 ай бұрын
@@boobah2622 It’s not about manners. It’s not about Australia vs us and which one has “better manners”. It’s about respecting the hosts wishes. She specifically asked that no one bring anything. Ppl do that some times bc they want their guests to come to a party care free w/out having to think of what to bring.
@majda940
8 ай бұрын
I'm from a small European country, same thing! You can't show up to someone's house empty handed, it's considered rude. But I understand the point of the video, it might not be the best examples tho
@jcandoo
8 ай бұрын
Where are all these people pleasers? I’d like to meet one. I am gracious and courteous , by choice and nature, and it’s been rewarded at times. If all the people pleasers could please meet so we could band together and find a way to please each other!!!!! What a wonderful world it would be!
@taradilella520
8 ай бұрын
Yeah, I thought this was just being courteous and conscientious.
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
@@taradilella520People pleasing is very real, and has plagued me most of my life. What makes it people pleasing is the fact that it interferes with the person's day-to-day life and lowers its quality. I hand out $20 bills like they are pieces of candy, because my brain tells me I'm unlikable and the only way that people will keep me around is if I make myself a novelty and useful. It's a survival instinct too so you can't even just turn it off. It is this parasitic worm eating away at your brain, your logic, your thoughts, telling you that you are so awful and disgusting that just being yourself is a crime
@taradilella520
8 ай бұрын
@@lilitpatchwork I don't doubt it's real. I do it myself, I'm more annoyed other people aren't the same way 😬. I'm super aware of when someone is coming down the aisle at the store. I move to let them through and tell them if I'm blocking what they need to let me know. Meanwhile, other people in the store block the entire aisle and ignore me when I say excuse me or give me the least amount of room.
@cannonrange9977
8 ай бұрын
It's rough because I admitted to my bff about a year ago that I do this; they recently got heated and accused me of doing this "all the time" and "to everyone", which I don't, as I defined when I told them. The root issue is my bff takes this people-pleasing to mean I don't trust them. I don't know how to even discuss that conflict. I feel betrayed that she used an admitted negative habit, that I'm avidly working on, as an accusation... then made assumptions about it. Trying hard not to let this underline that my issues are burdensome to them and I should just keep things pleasant to keep the peace. 😕
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
Honestly the only advice I can give to you is to go through and find a bunch of KZitem shorts that sum up why people people please, and why it's not something you can just turn off and why it's a trauma response and you can't help it. Find videos that are short and very to the point. If he still doesn't believe you then that's him not trusting you, not the other way around
@janinawaz4596
8 ай бұрын
Sounds like that person is weaponizing the vulnerability you shared. It sounds manipulative.
@cannonrange9977
8 ай бұрын
@@lilitpatchwork Thank you for your advice, true to form I didn't expect anyone to give any. I'll try what you suggest. I know they're very busy... work, renovating their house, a relationship, a needy parent living locally. Im hopeful.
@cannonrange9977
8 ай бұрын
@@janinawaz4596 Much as it pains me to consider what you suggest, I'd say the same thing were I outside the situation. And, frankly, that you're not the first to suggest this (an equally long known friend said the same, many years ago), gives me pause. Thank you for saying what I'm sure you anticipated I likely didn't want to hear, and for doing so while being respectful of my friend.
@laurenluff
8 ай бұрын
Nicole, YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!! thank you for your relatable, creative, & sometimes funny (the leaves in your hair) scenarios to help us see ourselves. ❤laur
@RoKe30
8 ай бұрын
I'm the opposite of the people pleaser, I go out of my way to not be needed
@f.stewie6429
8 ай бұрын
I feel attacked and very aware of myself before the holidays. Thank you for this.❤
@user-st4mj4to3h
7 ай бұрын
This makes me wanna cry bc of the accuracy… I appreciate these vids so much
@MissVanHelsing
8 ай бұрын
I've recently joined NA and AA and gotten sober. I'm noticing my "defects" in spades since doing the 12 steps; people pleasing is one of them. My behaviours are flaring up in different ways, too, including off the rails people pleasing. Glad to have the insight now so I can work on it for myself and others.
@lottidabodi
8 ай бұрын
Congrats on your sobriety! 🥇
@baribach8701
8 ай бұрын
The old me
@MissVanHelsing
8 ай бұрын
Howd you stop
@matchbox420.
8 ай бұрын
Oddly, all the women in my family were proud to be this way. Of course I became this way because it was modeled for me, but I also attracted friends for years who were serial people pleasers. It’s taking me until my 30s to finally be able to reconnect with my true self.
@julies5400
8 ай бұрын
This is me. I’m always thinking about what I should do to compensate for those who do whatever they want. I’m such a martyr!!
@marycumming8461
8 ай бұрын
Response to that look: "Oh sorry, should I just not be here?" "Oh no, NO, it's fine. We're glad to have you." People pleaser: existential crisis
@eramirezsw
8 ай бұрын
Any tips on how to not be a people pleaser?
@nicknightingale4230
8 ай бұрын
Start giving yourself that attention, love and validation that you need from others. ❤
@eramirezsw
8 ай бұрын
@@nicknightingale4230 thank you!
@youareworthalot1228
8 ай бұрын
Know you are worth a lot and Jesus likes and loves you!!!(:
@MissVanHelsing
8 ай бұрын
@@nicknightingale4230but how?
@kucylja
8 ай бұрын
@@MissVanHelsing imagine the person in a mirror is not you, but someone else - treat it accordingly
@wg8517
7 ай бұрын
I definitely became a people pleaser because of the way mother raised me. I didn't know any better and spent most of my adult life being afraid of making anyone else angry.
@annabron9699
8 ай бұрын
The amount of times I start a sentence or a conversation with the word 'sorry'. 😅
@damiana5268
8 ай бұрын
strange part is all the extra stuff makes them actually feel like a burden
@tiltedtam8887
8 ай бұрын
Yes!
@jilliantex
8 ай бұрын
this is why you gotta love yourself and have pride for yourself. there’s a difference between respect and just stressing yourself out
@danyielsays4621
8 ай бұрын
Omg thats how my parents made me feel, ive taken the bus to save gas and always bring something, and then i clean up after myself when i visit
@MeltingHeartsWaxMelts
8 ай бұрын
So basically we’re all children of “those kind of boomers”… it’s so nice to randomly find a village 😣💜
@missilemedic
8 ай бұрын
I've come to the point that my people pleasing skills are so refined that I try to teach others to do as I do but feel like a control freak for, not setting a boundary, but suggesting that one should consider the idea of doing something I do to make life easier.
@chocolatesugar-lovage9678
8 ай бұрын
Besides being a people pleaser, I'd still bring an eco-friendly plate and utensils 👏
@BigHeartNoBS
8 ай бұрын
This hits home. You get me!❤
@mercedesflores464
8 ай бұрын
I could see myself being a person who did just that Mostly because i was being considerate And being helpful Now i know my conditioning So I don’t have to do nothing if i choose not too
@sak407
8 ай бұрын
Not a people pleaser this is something we do culturally out of love and respect. I’ve watched my parents do this growing up and lots of my friends and relatives from the same culture so it too ! Very interesting how different cultures view things. In fact if someone wasn’t considerate we would think them stand offish and rude 😅
@mascara1777
7 ай бұрын
Yes, and this follows you your whole life!! At work, I'm never seen as confident. I start sentences with "i think" instead of "i know" became my alcoholic mother made any normal sign of development or independence in me seem wrong and I'd be mocked and punished. She was a product of rape unfortunately and always told me that "something was wrong with me." Now, as an adult, i realize she really felt that something was wrong with her bc of her traumatic past, and she took it out on me. The shame runs very deeply!
@embaggins
8 ай бұрын
the way i want to figure out why i behave like this, but i just cannot remember my childhood to even begin figuring it out (and it didn't have some traumatic event that i blocked out, i just have very poor memory and always have, my mum and grandma also have it)
@psychicbyinternet
8 ай бұрын
Sigh. Same. I can remember some stuff but a lot is a blur.
@craveliving681
8 ай бұрын
generational trauma is also a thing and that also doesn't mean nothing happened either way
@HNCS2006
8 ай бұрын
The funny thing with memory is that you can recover it. I once was taught that a bad memory of childhood almost always means trauma. Trauma doesn't have to be a big event it can simply mean many little neglectful events, or witnessing a damaging parental relationship. Recovering memories can also be painful though because when we become willing to remember, we have to re-experience it with the same amount of raw emotions.
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
It could be that the way your brain reacts to stress is to disassociate and then not remember it later. I don't remember most of my childhood and I didn't think I had any trauma, but now I'm realizing that growing up with a parent who was in chronic pain, growing up in poverty, growing up neurodivergent, and not realizing I was trans all affected me in a way that is classified as trauma. Also keep in mind that kids can get traumatized by literally every day events, like getting shampoo in their eye. If their brain reacts violently enough and then holds on to that fear throughout their life it ends up turning into some kind of nonsensical phobia, but it is still trauma. Brains are weird
@embaggins
8 ай бұрын
thank you all for the replies, you're all so kind 💛
@juliews105
8 ай бұрын
This! When I was 19 or 20, a car ran a red light and T boned me. I was strapped and taped to the board in the ER and was afraid to call my parents…
@llynxfyremusic
8 ай бұрын
Me, asking if i can go to the cinema with soms acquaintances, them saying yes, then worrying if they actually want me to be there and worrying that my schedule constraints are a burden to them.
@user-tr7yg7zo3j
8 ай бұрын
Women in particular are often taught from a young age to be like this. Rarely are men the ones coming with casseroles and home-made cookies when you are sick or sad or recovering from a difficult period lol. We are the people pleasing gender, let’s face it. I love being my friends’ “nurturer.”
@bloodymary8540
8 ай бұрын
The problem with the nurturer is..they always forget themself and people use them more than they should
@danny-ie1ze
8 ай бұрын
ugh but how do we rewrite this in our brains 😭😭
@carolinecarter6874
8 ай бұрын
It's not our fault... we were made to feel unsafe, unwanted, and born into servertude. I forgive myself.... Excellent example 👏
@shireenaliewa6189
8 ай бұрын
What can cause someone to turn out this way? I wasn't treated like a burden from my parents at all and until this day they are the most loving and supportive parents I'd wish for. However, for some reason this is still me.
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
My parents never treated me like a burden but my mom has chronic pain she has to deal with and my dad was working 12-hour days so I had to babysit my younger siblings and I couldn't rely on my parents to be there to spend time with me. I was always fed I was always safe, but the inconsistency of having people around I could go to ended up having a very similar effect
@Bliss20244
8 ай бұрын
Reusable plate wasn't about people pleasing, that's judgement 😂
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
Any of these things on their own would be okay. Hell, all of these things from a less desperate person might be okay. There are some people who just like to walk, who like to cook and like a specific type of alcohol so they bring their own, and are eco-friendly. But don't tell me you can't see the desperation to be needed in the body language. This woman is not doing this because she wants to. It's not a choice, it's a need. It's all about the context, do they act like this outside of this kind of setting? Are they someone who always uses eco-friendly plates, or only when they go to other people's houses? You ever heard of this person going on a walk because they enjoy it? Things like that become really big red flags of something being wrong
@deirdreegan420
8 ай бұрын
This make me so sad as I relate but I'd never class myself as a people pleaser..I am😢
@peachlue6100
4 ай бұрын
That "what the heck is wrong with you" face 😅😂 is spot on. But if you cant see what youre doing as weird then that face just reaffirms the idea that theres this mysterious wrong thing about you that everyone else can see but you cant, they only invited you to be polite, you really are a total burden and everyone is going to talk about how weird you are as soon as you leave and never invite you back again. But with all that going on, you probably wont accept the next invitation anyway. Or at least that's how i experienced it 😅 I really appreciate this creators content.
@watchingthewaves1
8 ай бұрын
This is so funny and sad at the same time but that’s me 😢
@Dom-vo9ni
8 ай бұрын
Thumbs up if your triggered by people pleasers.😊
@avril.227
8 ай бұрын
I don’t think this is the best example. I would love a guest like this, to be honest. Plus I was personally raised to be a considerate guest and pitch in.
@Liusila
8 ай бұрын
It all depends on what the host asked for - what if the host here hates the food you bring but now they’ll have to pretend it’s wonderful so it’s a burden? It’s best to follow the request of the host instead of doing what YOU would like people did for you. I think that’s the main problem with people pleasers - projecting their wants onto others and expecting gratitude.
@HNCS2006
8 ай бұрын
In this case it isn't about whether or not you want to be helpful, or whether or not you would appreciate a considerate guest, the point is the person who is the people pleaser is experiencing constant anxiety, panic, insecurity and will inevitably at some point misread the room. It is unhealthy for the person. Being a considerate guest is a virtue but only when you are in control. A people pleaser is operating on 24/7 fight or flight and is not in control.
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
If someone is happy doing those things then good for them but this is focusing specifically on people that you can tell are only doing things because they are convinced if they don't do it everyone's going to hate them. It's constant anxiety and panic and stress that manifests as just trying to be as nice as possible. You can tell the difference
@caroliinec
7 ай бұрын
I raised where this was normal and considered "considerate" ... To know its not is freeing! Thank you ❤What makes this different from being polite?
@grietjenieuwkoop8234
8 ай бұрын
In Asia we bring food and help with the dishes, that is the culture not party pleasen
@sheriA7082
8 ай бұрын
It’s the motivation behind the act. Not the act itself.
@grietjenieuwkoop8234
8 ай бұрын
@@sheriA7082 some People dont understand the motivation behind the act
@beccamcdonald9846
Ай бұрын
I truly hate being a “people pleaser”, but I really can’t help it. As a child both of my parents literally DRILLED “You need to put others before yourself” into my skull. Like they took a chisel and a hammer and they CRAVED it into my skull and it’s there forever
@darkdaygirl
7 ай бұрын
The leaves in her hair make me laugh! 🍂
@xrockangelx
8 ай бұрын
Wait, are there leaves in her hair because she trekked through various foliage to get from her parking space to the front door?
@umm2656
8 ай бұрын
yeeesss! haha hillarious
@hyperionsolomon
8 ай бұрын
She feels like she doesnt matter.
@Deadlycats667
8 ай бұрын
I missed being this way by a smidge because i have no friends to visit😢
@jenniferlanders5741
8 ай бұрын
Ooh, I am some levels of this. I am working on it; being enough triggers it. Thank you for the share.
@puccipower
8 ай бұрын
I’ve never been like this in my life. I’m relaxed and want to help or bring something but I would never sacrifice my own comfort to please another person. Not unless they’re my partner. I like company and all but I’m very tired of trying to meet people’s expectations after hitting my 30s. Just fucking relax, love yourself and calm down.
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
I wish it was that easy. I tell my brain that everyday. But my brain puts me in fight or flight mode if I don't do the things that I think I need to do to make people not hate me. The reason I people please is because if I don't it completely dysregulates me for the day. I don't function. It doesn't feel like it's me when I'm people pleasing, It's compulsive. I'm trying to figure out why I do it and how to stop without traumatizing myself more, but you can't just change your thought patterns overnight, So it's slow slow slow
@lisamorrissey4077
8 ай бұрын
Ok this is not a problem for me 😂
@neoncoyote2008
8 ай бұрын
This seems like it could be a fine line. I don't feel others should have to clean up after me after being generous enough to host me, for example. If I stay with someone not likely to visit me, I clean the bathroom I used, strip the bed, and if more sheets are in the room re-make the bed before I leave. While I'm there I do all I can to be helpful: cook a meal and clean up, clean up if someone else has cooked, etc. I feel like this is the behavior of a good guest who is likely to be invited back. Am I wrong about this?
@CurtisIsacc
8 ай бұрын
BRILLIANT performance 😂
@grumpyschnauzer
8 ай бұрын
I mean, some personality types are people pleasers. Maybe the receivers can show gratitude and appreciation for the person who is NOT like them instead of trying to twist and change the people pleaser. Seriously. It's lame.
@Liusila
8 ай бұрын
I can respond here. People pleasers just like the character in the video, do things nobody asked for and then expect favours in return. It’s not giving out of kindness, it’s ransom. If you want to be nice to someone, ask them if they need anything but then LISTEN and act accordingly. What if the host is allergic to something and doesn’t want random food in the house? What if the host wanted people to feel comfortable and to not fuss about bringing something but now since one guest did, everyone else will think they should have? Imposing favours can be just as rude as being absolutely selfish.
@NoRevengeNeeded
8 ай бұрын
...I'm a ppl pleaser and I don't do any of this...I'm the one outshines the one who planned the party while purposely omitting some folks cuz I low key don't like them.
@serenahilton1428
8 ай бұрын
🎯🎯🎯💯
@sarahwithanhyouheathen3210
8 ай бұрын
Wow look it's me out in the wild 😮
@JennyLynnMinistries
8 ай бұрын
Eco friendly utensils lol
@Linda-zd6wu
8 ай бұрын
Omg🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ truth bomb
@lindagabriel3419
8 ай бұрын
This is me to a T. Why am I like this?
@yaya804
8 ай бұрын
I thought I was a people pleaser... I'm clearly am not after watching this 😅 I try but not that hard...
@centpushups
8 ай бұрын
People bich when you act this way and bich when you assert yourself. What a world we live in.
@Liusila
8 ай бұрын
At the end the guest gets angry because she does things nobody asked for but doesn’t get the praise and thanks she craves to feel calm. Then the guests leaves in a huff disappointed and disheartened and the host gives a big sigh of relief because the unnecessary drama is over.
@xylophone_888
8 ай бұрын
please stop dumping your horrible past experiences and assuming everyone who was traumatized into people pleasing is the same as the one person who you're clearly holding a grudge against and who you clearly described in your comment, we just want to feel like we're viewed as real people instead of objects to use and throw out, we don't care for your drama and it can be extremely triggering to some to hear what you just said here
@lilitpatchwork
8 ай бұрын
You've clearly never dealt with anxiety a day in your life. You're mistaking your privilege for others being weak darling
@megamaze00
8 ай бұрын
People from northern Minnesota:
@Strawberria
8 ай бұрын
Hah I do this all but I don’t think I am a people pleaser. The “I am a burden thing”, sure, but mostly I’d rather be helping out than sitting around because I’m also boring as rocks and can’t do small talk. But if I am doing something I don’t think about that and conversation can occur organically. Doesn’t have to be cleaning. Could also be playing a game, etc. Plus I despise waste so yes, I bring my own utensils sometimes, because I don’t want to use throw away stuff.
@KosmikGawdess
8 ай бұрын
Me to the T😭😭
@valerie4912
8 ай бұрын
Guilty 🤦🏻♀️
@cjboyo
8 ай бұрын
Literally me
@marylu2216
8 ай бұрын
In my culture if you dont bring anything, help serve, clean up, wash dishes, basically lift your own weight at a party youre not hosting, youre very strongly criticized and judged.
@davabeardsley972
7 ай бұрын
This is literally my mom
@evydarling
8 ай бұрын
🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️
@otrinolaringolog
7 ай бұрын
it's genius
@Em280483
8 ай бұрын
I feel seen.
@marycampeau9378
8 ай бұрын
omg i just saw myself for the first time
@mickerzmouse
8 ай бұрын
I feel so seen 😂😅
@mrstoner2udude799
8 ай бұрын
I still bring something, lol.
@efree3462
8 ай бұрын
It's a class thing too. Upper class get insulted if you bring something. Working class get insulted if you don't.
@mandysingh5085
8 ай бұрын
I just like to bring something to contribute
@swright4000
4 ай бұрын
lol
@coppersense999
8 ай бұрын
I know ppl pleasers and fawners can be annoying, but making fun of trauma survivors for their coping strategies seems either below the belt or like click bait. I don't think she'd appreciate satire of her acting skills.
@lapislazuliphoenix
8 ай бұрын
I felt understood, not made fun of. I always try not to be in anyone's way, or cause any bother, but to make as little "noise" in every situation as possible, and to blend in or not be seen and heard. Feeling unworthy and really not wanted; that was how parents made me feel. 😢 Gave me such social anxiety, so now I don't know how to relax and just 'be' and still be wanted, accepted, and possibly even enjoyed! 😕 That's the day I live for; to be liked while not having to be a pushover doormat.
@mercedeswalker7819
8 ай бұрын
It’s meeeeeeeeeee 😭😭😭😭
@elizabethlagrand9516
8 ай бұрын
This sounds like my mom....
@nidhia6925
8 ай бұрын
I would love to help....carry my utensils But, can't say abt rhe parking part I am blunt..anything but, a pp Thats being considerate People pleaser is different, Ig But, then shes a professional....
@EtherTheReal
8 ай бұрын
Does this behavior actually off-put people? I know when i do it people just say its fine and brush it off. I never saw any behavior of them feeling overwhelmed with it...
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