“Nobody should be living rent-free in your head, your heart, or your soul.” Spot on!!!
@tam.s..9131
2 жыл бұрын
How many kids do yo have..thank you..send a picture of you..
@catrionabensch2850
11 ай бұрын
Yes I agree, I just this is exactly why I was so screwed up by my ex husbands I blame you letter , it was him dumping all his shame on me. I sensed it but Icouldn't articulate it as clearly as this. He doesn'tget to usemy soul as a place to park his shame.
@jessicaselenecenteno
7 ай бұрын
Agreed
@brainboosterrva2320
2 жыл бұрын
Storage unit is a mild way to describe it. I was his trash bin, his dumping ground. Thanks to my children and learning from you, I’m done with him!
@DiamondEyez456
2 жыл бұрын
Well said! We are to feel constant shame and blame, for what they have done or not done. With parents who are like this as well, same thing. They will never ever own their horridly abusive ways and gaslighting.
@lulumoon6942
2 жыл бұрын
I have called it a toilet at times, too! 😕
@reymohammed7040
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I'd have said trash can.
@josephpress1235
2 жыл бұрын
I was more the junk yard they threw their garbage truck into at the end of every day.Now no contact my children and I have a chance to clean their shit and live a clean life.Inside and out.
@rachellencarroll1987
2 жыл бұрын
I always called myself a doormat because he would wipe his fucking feet on me… we would get into fights over the anatomy of a woman….he has always referred to a woman’s vagina as a “septic tank” “gaping crevice”
@amberlowry7728
2 жыл бұрын
This is so relatable! I filled for divorce this year after a 10 year marriage. One day all the sudden I realized, all the bad names he calls me and things he accuses me of were actually true of him. He is projecting his bad feelings onto me. That's why you can take full care of the kids, house, dogs and him and he can walk in and call you selfish and lazy. It's not you. It's them.
@lc5666
2 жыл бұрын
Yup. He calls me a gold digger, even though I have never benefited financially from him. I've provided sole support for our kids for over 2 years and never received or asked for child support or alimony. He still messages me stuff about how "it's all about money with you." And tells people I want to steal his money, of which he has none anyway. It's so weird.
@abracadaverous
2 жыл бұрын
I've been disentangled for over 5 years now, and the solitude is lovely. I'm getting to know and develop into who I actually am. As it turns out, I'm a pretty neat person. Not the monster I was led to believe I was at all. I threw all that guilt out with the bath water
@lulumoon6942
2 жыл бұрын
Super proud and happy for you! All the best in your continued healing and peace! 🙏❤️🌈💞
@anio1349
2 жыл бұрын
💜 Wonderful!
@heathercampbell6893
2 жыл бұрын
I came out a better person who doesn't need anyone elses validation. I filled that empty glass with self love and peace. Everyday is a joy where my choices are relished.
@ratgirl13
2 жыл бұрын
I was once a narcissist’s sieve-I wasn’t “strong” enough to be a container, the relationship lasted 18 days and he was frustrated the whole time-he called me Teflon Terry-because his sh*t wouldn’t stick.🤷🏻♀️
@rachelhayes8219
2 жыл бұрын
I can relate....my nickname? Constantina I guess I stay the same
@art_nouvelle
2 жыл бұрын
A storage container, an emotional punching bag, an enemy on the narcissist's dysfunctional battlefield, a prisoner of war, an arch rival - I have been all these to the narcissist in what should have been a loving and safe relationship.
@surayalalloo8667
2 жыл бұрын
I feel the same way
@samb8413
2 жыл бұрын
That is exactly what the narcissist did to me... Walking in egg shells everyday it was mentally draining. Not saying I was perfect in the relationship but he had everything he wanted/anyone could of dreamed off! And that was the problem I gave and gave he took everything from me! My mind body and soul. 11months no contact and free from that toxic evil man 😁 its not been easy but I'm healing 🙏
@Sky_Star-hq6bx
2 жыл бұрын
Fantastic Description
@yukio_saito
2 жыл бұрын
It's essential to understand the mechanism of projection. It made me stop absorbing other people's shame.
@frainer
2 жыл бұрын
The narc is looking for a reaction because their emotions are limited so they will use you, it is part of regulating their emotions from the external self.
@msbg8385
2 жыл бұрын
@@frainer my mom is a narcissist and will call me just to say something mean or try to upset me and look for a reaction. Projection is a major part
@janeloraine6231
2 жыл бұрын
"We internalize the shame, then learn to hate and blame ourselves..." You may have just answered the questions therapy has not been able to ferret out: Why is self-love repulsive to me? Why do I hate me? Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
@alexatkins9515
2 жыл бұрын
I know that realization caused a major shift in you! Now you get to grieve the time spent shaming yourself & get from under it. It’s liberating 🤍
@80islandia
2 жыл бұрын
“Why is self-love repulsive to me?” You’re right, this is a very important question that gets bypassed completely in most therapeutic settings and replaced with suggestions for affirmations and other “fake it ‘til you make it” strategies. What if, instead, we were guided safely into a truthful exploration of that dark cave?
@alexatkins9515
2 жыл бұрын
I think everyone’s journey is different so a therapist may not think someone is ready for that kind of work right away we heal in layers so that may be why… I think affirmations is a good way to start that conversation! I believe we know what we need and my therapist has been more of a safe space while I explore myself and the darkness within never once has she pushed me and I appreciate it because I had so much to work through. If she had from the jump threw everything at me I may have became overwhelmed and gave up.
@RN-gx7wt
2 жыл бұрын
The answer is rather a reflection of what you have been taught to be, ask yourself this question, do you feel good enough, are you worthy, and would you believe your unlovable. What Narcissism is about is not being able or having an identity for yourself. People who easy identify as themselves, are worthy, are good enough, and know they are not unlovable. You can only change help, or heal yourself. (That's where your identity begins.) Peace out.
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
Same here, same thoughts feelings and confusion. It's such a burden ✌
@laurenceboischot4265
2 жыл бұрын
"They don't get to use your soul as a place to park their shame." ❤️
@dianabailey9757
2 жыл бұрын
The training in childhood is oppressive, intense, and unrelenting. It took half my life, marriage to a narcissist, and therapy to realize that everything I was wasn't who I had to be.
@ambergreen6359
2 жыл бұрын
So very moving. Thankful for you expressing what you've learned. I'd never considered it this way, but I'm sure so many of us are exactly like you! May you find complete peace as you're healing. ❤️
@KARENboomboomROXX
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Diane.. same here. I'm 55 and just now letting go of all this. So hard. We got it..
@kalicosmetics
2 жыл бұрын
thanks to your videos, I turned the tables on my narcissistic husband and mother in law. I have my life (my son) back because of you.
@far_reader
2 жыл бұрын
She is saving lives ♥️
@shannonhundahl4315
2 жыл бұрын
That's what I'm meeting help with right now as I've been with one for 18 years since I was 17 and I'm 35 now and I don't know how to get away from this but we've got four kids and he keeps taking them from me
@endtheabusen78
2 жыл бұрын
@@shannonhundahl4315 I have three children with mine. It's been seven years, it's horrible! Keep listening to everything Dr. Ramani says and use her techniques they help when you are stuck and can't leave YET!!!!
@abracadaverous
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Ramani is excellent at helping you to see these negative patterns, but you deserve some credit too. She may have helped you to do the thing, but YOU did the thing. Well done, and congratulations!
@shannonhundahl4315
2 жыл бұрын
I get how it all works I mean we all have the control we all have the confidence we just didn't know it and we have enough of it because that's what they need that's why they suck it from us we all hold it all along but it's the stuck feeling I just said it's like seaweed figuring out how to get out of the seaweed when it just clings to you more and more and it's the hardest part of it all
@endtheabusen78
2 жыл бұрын
My whole life has change because of you Dr. Ramani!! I can not leave right now. You have taught me how to handle all the devil's in my life. I also belive everyone deserves love. I am in therapy, I have a very rare chemical imbalance. I do not produce SEROTONIN AT ALL. I also have the luxury of a narcissist mother, step brother and boyfriend. WITHOUT YOU I COULD NOT HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR!!! I passed you to my therapist and now she uses you to help reach others. THANK YOU FOR ALL MY HEART!! HONESTLY ON DAY I WILL WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU! YOU ARE MY HERO. Have a beautiful, loving and peaceful day. Thank u... Shanna Johnson ( Virginia)
@lulumoon6942
2 жыл бұрын
Hey Shanna, glad you're finding ways to cope, but just wanted to express concern if you're using your real name/location in your profile or comments, not good in general online but especially with Narcissists!!!
@jl4091
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. R is eliminating my self doubt.One little morsel at a time. They spent 50 + years projecting and blaming.I'm like a tangled mess of Christmas tree lights.She really good a untangling us.
@amandaroberts5111
2 жыл бұрын
Thats a great description, l know how you feel!
@nodjindakass8188
2 жыл бұрын
We have 6 years old daughter together, she has sole custody of her. Beside paying $600 a month for child support, I took my daughter to school every others days that she works plus my parenting time of every other weekend. Recently she comes to my house and physically abusing me in front of our daughter. A week later later a received a phone call from her new supply follow up with text messages calling me all kind of names. I decided to go get a restraining order against her, and was going to get one also for the new supply but I don’t know his last name and I never met him before. I got a good lawyer and I’m going for custody. She got a lawyer to contest the restraining order but there is no way the judge will dismiss the order. It’s been a rough two months but I’m holding on stronger than ever.
@casebycase_904
2 жыл бұрын
🙏🏻
@suzanne4396
2 жыл бұрын
Knowing how much shame makes him who he is, I often tell him he should be ashamed of this thing or that. No longer an empath, I'm fighting back .. until I can walk away, entirely.
@suzanne4396
2 жыл бұрын
@Jarrad Grosz Nope. A narc is formed as a toddler; I'm doing it with intent, to see how he handles mental abuse. It's called Reactive Anger. And no one gets to judge me, unless they've walked in my shoes, Jarrad.
@KingCirclejerk
2 жыл бұрын
The projection is so accurate. They're extremely envious towards other people and they project that envy onto the people close to them. They engineer a scenario to make everyone else believe that you're jealous of them and this feeling is very very verryy frustrating.
@johnoprendek2620
2 жыл бұрын
Ye ol' envy-shame projection. Well put.
@yukio_saito
2 жыл бұрын
They are just a broken projector so they show weird movie on the screen. Don't be their screen!
@shannang.2263
2 жыл бұрын
*Off topic comment* Haha that’s a unique user name
@aparsons6495
2 жыл бұрын
No one should be living rent free in your head, mind or soul! Yes I have to remind myself this.
@newworldastrology1102
2 жыл бұрын
To all those looking up at the sky tonight, separated, divided, disconnected, abandoned, remember there are many Others fighting this battle, still entangled or solitary and surviving the aftermath and though we are scattered, we are One and Never Alone. Stay Strong, You. Well done for getting this far. 🌹
@maritzabonilla6660
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Ramani, this struck a cord with me. My partner of 23 years has been using me as emotional storage space. I have realized that he knows how to trigger my anxiety. I am seeing a therapist. And i am taking my space back. I am a work in progress and it feels good
@trying2survive602
2 жыл бұрын
Me too! 23 years! I am realizing how he has used me. For his self-regulation, for sex. I totally fell for the knight in shining armor! His love bombing reeled me in and, as Dr. Ramani said, I thought he was taking me away from my negative childhood. Working on myself now. (He doesn't like it.)
@maritzabonilla6660
2 жыл бұрын
You know what. Not that im interested in fixing anyone. Working on myself is enough for me, but I've wonder if a narcissist irredeemable.
@JohnJohn-lu7wd
2 жыл бұрын
Most importantly, prepare for discard and also cheating. The narc will not accept you in any other way other than a prey and a meal. As soon as you start changing, they look for supply elsewhere while waiting for you to reset into default settings.
@ramonmccormick9828
2 жыл бұрын
@@trying2survive602 o
@ginagina9592
2 жыл бұрын
I think my biggest take away, is I am practicing narcissistic behavior towards my daughter because of my narcissistic abuse from my parents. I realized I’ve done it because of stress from the last 3-4 years. I have to reverse it now. I hope I haven’t damaged her where she cannot recover from it and become a person who can choose healthy relationships. You made it simple for me to understand.
@cassandra7983
2 жыл бұрын
Beautiful that you realize it, and are humble enough to see and want to reverse it. there's a lot of power in that humility / self reflection. That in itself is a huge gift / good lesson / good example for your daughter.
@kathykonkle1097
2 жыл бұрын
No two brains are alike. Some people have only a little bit of narcissistic tendencies and can be reached while others have is so bad they should be locked in prison. Do beat yourself up now. Be proud of your ability to recognize a problem and begin to take action to correct it. You are a good person.
@jamiepaszek
2 жыл бұрын
This is huge!!! You hold the power to keep from passing it down. Generational trauma is not our fault, but it is our responsibility.
@Sarah-pj4vo
2 жыл бұрын
'...To stay in a narcissistic relationship means giving up on your own needs....' Another gold standard statement of the truth, facts and pain reality. 😎👍😔
@p.w.352
2 жыл бұрын
Ugh, this is spot on. I've seen it happen multiple times with one narcissist in particular. They store things up about everyone in their life, but only use one person or group at a time as their main supply. When they lose that supply they move onto a new one. When it's your turn you'll know it because they will project all the ugly shame in their heart onto you in the most personal way possible. When they are done with you, you will be feeling shame and humiliation and they will be whistling and full of good cheer.
@savetrump9120
2 жыл бұрын
So true. They take delight in others down fall.
@mac-ju5ot
2 жыл бұрын
Tu o had no idea that he didnt live me until I stood outside the door.
@moonshineonme75013
2 жыл бұрын
RUN 🏃♀️ JUST RUN! Or...in the least, walk swiftly in the other direction!
@ai172
2 жыл бұрын
Sadly, I call myself the garbage truck! He uses me to dump his insecurities, shame,anger,pain, and all his unbearable unpleasant emotions. And then I journal, paint, cook, garden and sing to empty the truck :)
@pixieartnebula
2 жыл бұрын
Same here, we transfuse the negative into productive positive energy. It’s been my coping mechanism since I was a child.
@rayarena879
2 жыл бұрын
I was my narc's garbage truck too. This narc would literally tell me all of her stupid problems [that for normal people would not be a problem], over and over and over and over again. It was maddening to hear her silly problems 10 times in a single night. Then if I had a serious problem that I wanted to share with her [at the time I was in a hostile work environment with a servely narcissistic boss], she would dismiss me with "you need therapy!"
@zombieDRAGONsunset
2 жыл бұрын
Like I’ve seen others say, I’ve often viewed myself as the family garbage can. Everyone has a garage can, but because i use mine and they don’t, they use mine. They forget about it until it’s overflowing and smells( i react). Then i get punished, apologized to(fake) then they keep putting their garbage in me. The circle doesn’t end. Until i reached adulthood and recognized what was going on, I’ve now gone no contact and my emotional health is amazing.
@jordanferguson2254
2 жыл бұрын
This is a great analogy. Really resonate with it 🍀
@AJ-wt4ux
2 жыл бұрын
This video helped me see that I’ve been a “friend’s” Rubbermaid bin for years! I’ve struggled with why I felt like cr*p about myself, within minutes of her walking in the door. After a flamboyant entrance, and a break for a little love bombing, she would launch into an “Instagram narrative” of all that was happening in her life. She talked about all the fabulous places she’d been, the projects she was doing (fabulously), and all the (fabulous) people she’d seen who just adored her. As an introverted person, who loves to be home with the cats, I could never compare, and I felt shame. NOW I realize that it was the beginning of her day of shaming, and then dominating me. That personal diatribe was followed by a whole lot of “You should,” which my shamed self was more open to listening to. She is truly a master manipulator. I think that If I feel shame, she doesn’t have to.
@80islandia
2 жыл бұрын
“I think that if I feel shame, she doesn’t have to.” Bingo; thanks for this perspective. Narcissistic friends can be so tricky to detect and navigate.
@mac-ju5ot
2 жыл бұрын
I was in the samevspace as her glowing abd I felt like I was definately not wa ted I. Her retro be that she used
@mac-ju5ot
2 жыл бұрын
So that's what a those climbers were just telling names after the relationships they had. I had no experience I. This.....omg the verbal insults and the boss didnt stop this ..of course my family placed blame on me punks.
@costelloandlizzievolk2233
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this, reminds me to keep very clear firm boundaries and face reality of a narc friend in my life, who I need to be careful of and remember my own worth and abilities. Thank you 🙏
@stealthwarrior5768
2 жыл бұрын
She sounds aweful.
@lee7766
2 жыл бұрын
You never fail to give me the “ wait a minute, how can she describe my past relationship so accurately “ kind of moments doctor ramani .
@pavanatanaya
2 жыл бұрын
If I listen to them, it becomes obvious that they keep people in shoe boxes, on the shelf until they need them
@pavanatanaya
2 жыл бұрын
@Jarrad Grosz Objectify much?
@gailrosenberg48
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Ramani, thank you. Besides shame, there is all the other emotional dysregulation that comes along with it. After a while, the "container" person can feel that the "vibe" is all wrong, not a flow of healthy reciprocity, but a flow from the lower end of the emotional scale. What ends up happening is that the "container" person becomes as dysregulated as the N, trying contain her own emotions and those of her dysregulated partner at the same time. This leads to emotional insecurity, anxiety and often physical illness. IMO.
@christinabrenneman7641
2 жыл бұрын
I relate to this so much. In my writing about my narc, I wrote,"I'm just a junk drawer for all of your broken things. " Its so hard for me to not get stuck in a self gaslighting loop. Thankfully, I seem to find your videos just in time to snap me out of it. Thank you!❤
@cstevens8788
2 жыл бұрын
"Self gaslighting loop," I've never heard that yet I am there often. After all when you have been discarded by so many you begin to question "Is it me?" I would happily change if it were me. It's not. They are mean, miserable people. I cannot be party to them anymore.
@christinabrenneman7641
2 жыл бұрын
@@cstevens8788 it really can feel maddening,especially if you are surrounded by people who defend the narc. It wasn't until i was able to distance myself and found other people who help remind me that the narc"s craziness isent my own. I hope you are doing well. ❤
@80islandia
2 жыл бұрын
Love that junk drawer analogy!
@christinabrenneman7641
2 жыл бұрын
@@80islandia thank you. :)
@christinabrenneman7641
2 жыл бұрын
This the whole thing I wrote. Idk if other people feel like this too? I am a safe space for everyone but me. I'm just a junk drawer full of all your broken things. Do you feel better? I hope you feel better Cause it's never about me. Will I forever be the mute in mutiny? Or can I just be free? I hope you feel better. You better feel better. You never feel better. When is it ever about me? I'm just a junk drawer full of all your broken things. I hate me for hating you . Do you feel better? I hope you feel better. When was it ever about me?
@jeffreyjackson5229
2 жыл бұрын
"They need their validation" To me, this explains, at least in part, why they can be unfaithful so easily and repeatedly. Meaning, if we don't give them validation or enough, they seek it elsewhere.
@joywebster2678
2 жыл бұрын
My question is though is ..can one person's validation ever be enough for these grandiose narcs? After they beat us down into quiet obedience they are bored with us, and sure they still kick and poke in new ways but this idea that as their Intimate partner we can successfully validate them enough for the long haul seems delusional and is what keeps people as victims of the narc abuse for years.
@anewchapter1336
2 жыл бұрын
@@joywebster2678 I agree. Been in this marriage for 22 years and with him for 24. Nothing could ever be enough. I gave up trying to please him a few years ago. As soon as I would do one thing I thought he wanted he would change it up on me. I'm not ever going to twist myself into a pretzel for anyone. Just planning my exit strategy now. My youngest is 14 so I am deciding whether to leave this year or wait until he graduates high school. He has emotionally discarded me a couple months ago when he once again refused to stand up for our children against his narc family and I had to confront them once again to protect and defend my kids. I now realized he is a mother enmeshed man at heart and he is her mouthpiece. I'm sick of feeling betrayed by him and am now no contact with his family and low contact with him. I am training myself to observe and not absorb and to stay detached.
@Emily_Paris
2 жыл бұрын
I never thought of myself as a storage container. But it’s true unfortunately. Dr Ramani, you have taught me to stop defending, stop engaging, stop explaining. I needed someone to tell me that and listening to you helped me!! So grateful I found you Dr Ramani. You explain things in a way that’s easy to understand and with a lot of care. You are helping me find my way back to peace and happiness. God bless you!
@suzannesmith5339
2 жыл бұрын
Around age 30 I started describing myself as my Mom’s assigned “Journal”. I hated the role, and I knew it too thoroughly!...Pretend it isn’t a revised account of her interactions, give lots of exaggerated cheering, listen to all the pet peeves, especially unmet expectations. Then overexamination of me, my interests, my children, because of course, she was the orchestra conductor. Storage Unit is such a great description!
@Pfsif
2 жыл бұрын
Other people's shame is TOXIC.
@imnoel8214
2 жыл бұрын
I am learning to be good with myself alone, so I can't tell you how much I appreciate videos like this. Your help is tremendously important to me.
@SatansRoerhat
2 жыл бұрын
Yesterday, I finally went no contract with my father, after having remembered csa. Thank you for helping me understand my family ❤ Otherwise I would still be in the grips of this and overwhelmed and confused
@davidlaspina4587
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Ramani. You seriously are the best. I loved it. And thanks to you and so much research in my healing experience, the narc will never strike again
@brandyl.2633
2 жыл бұрын
"Become interested in yourself". Needed this advice today. 💜
@opheliemarin
2 жыл бұрын
I have always said the scapegoat or target is the trashcan for the others in the networks bad behavior.
@acfatemi
2 жыл бұрын
Well said 👍😉
@VarianAlastair
2 жыл бұрын
Your videos were a lifeline when I was getting away from my narc, and continue to help me process my experiences. I've been out for almost 3 years, no contact. I never dreamed I would be able to come this far, and it's hard work - gross, painful, exhausting - but it is so worth it. Thank you, so very much, for everything you do. ❤❤❤
@lulumoon6942
2 жыл бұрын
That's so amazing, best to you!!! 🙏❤️🌈💞
@anne4116
2 жыл бұрын
'a form of identity theft' this is so true. Narcissists do use your soul, this is spot on.
@gracex3217
2 жыл бұрын
my fiancé left me randomly like two days ago and i’m having so many realizations. the fake spirituality, the constant shame and guilt, it was literally a never ending cycle. i always wondered why he never supported me but i could’ve never fixed it and this is bringing me so much peace
@vibehigh5280
2 жыл бұрын
Coffee while listening to Dr. Ramani. Thanks for this video Dr.Ramani and team.
@dadiva2475
2 жыл бұрын
As part of Narcissistic projection, they will accuse you of doing things that THEY, in fact, are already doing. My ex covert, mid-range Narcissist, had the nerve to call me a Narcissist one day. In my 50 years on this earth, NO ONE has ever told me that. He was the first and last. Unreal.
@Sky_Star-hq6bx
2 жыл бұрын
Same here. Only time ever in my Life a Covert abusive Narcissistic Woman outright called me a "Narcissist" as she Smear campaigned me to her co-worker, undermined me in front of the neighbors , tried to weaponize my own children against me.
@stevenkeller476
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you once again! The storage unit analogy is brilliant. To the narc we are all the same. Paid for, unremarkable and facilitating. Time to change the gate code and lock. Cheers!
@chayo4537
2 жыл бұрын
They could still crash through the gate
@stevenkeller476
2 жыл бұрын
@@chayo4537 I've watched my gate become stronger and stronger each day. It is possible, although I never imagined I could even have one to begin with. Build a gate, make it impenetrable, save your heart. You can do it!
@k-rock353
2 жыл бұрын
You are so profound. Thank you for the gift of incite and the beautiful energy you put out to your viewers.
@yoshi4691
2 жыл бұрын
The most toxic part was that I felt like the projections coming from the Narc started becoming my behaviour - or at least that's what I thought. I finally snapped out of it and realized my wanting to run wasn't about me "cheating" or abandoning the Narcissist, it was my intuition telling me to RUN 🏃🏼♀️
@MarcMolk
2 жыл бұрын
I felt as the narcissist's storage container literally too ! When she was leaving me for 3 days, 3 weeks or at the end, she was using my apartment as a storage unit for her stuff ! She told me "I'll pick it up later". A real torture. A friend of mine has lived the same phenomenon with I think another narc. Please take a look about this habit. They insist to left stuff to victims, it's convenient but I think it's a form of torture too and a way to keep a foot in the door. It's a real "sign" I guess to spot them.
@lillyrose2514
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr Ramani. Bless you for helping us. "They don't get to use your soul as a place to park their shame" made me emotional and empowered at the same time. "No one should be living rent free in your head, your heart or your soul"
@Flame-Bright-Cheer
2 жыл бұрын
Whenever your videos bring tears to my eyes I know some serious healing has started..... the biggest thank you from the bottom of my broken heart does not come close to covering what I would like to tell you Dr.Ř....⚘🤘🏻
@JazzvanderKnoop
2 жыл бұрын
Had my first therapy session today, my therapist noticed I have no display of anger. Just sadness. We practised a role play and I simply went back to tears and shame. Came to the conclusion that I don’t allow myself to be angry because it would proof the narcissist how erratic and toxic I was. Even after the relationship is done, I am still influenced which human emotions i’m allowed to feel. Despite the relationship being over, still finding out more cheating was done to me with a pokerface. Still feel no anger just betrayal shame inwards.
@joywebster2678
2 жыл бұрын
Jazz i hear you and my young therapist is puzzled about my lack of anger, I keep gently pointing to her that shame, and sadness are signs of anger turned inward. But I still can't find the way to get angry at the narcs who have damaged me.
@JazzvanderKnoop
2 жыл бұрын
@Stephanie Asiya thank you ❤️ its good to know i’m not alone on this.
@JazzvanderKnoop
2 жыл бұрын
@@joywebster2678 I’m so sorry 😞, it seems like this is really installed. I have no idea how to bring the anger out. I try but its just shame and sadness. My friend booked a rage room to wreck a car. This is the friend whom I was isolated from. Still by my side even after I had to ignore her. I even feel shame that I can’t even work on the trust I broke with her. I simply don’t feel the energy. Shes been very understanding. If there are any tips on how to bring out the anger pls share. Anyone
@sherryripepi6024
2 жыл бұрын
Knowledge is power. Understanding is wisdom. This is an educational video.
@costelloandlizzievolk2233
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. A good reminder that I am a strong and totally capable woman. ❤️
@danikeebler1662
2 жыл бұрын
Not only did I inherit my mom's malignant narc shame, I also inherited her fear of fire. She almost burned to death as a young child. She was alone in a trailer when she accidently kicked over a fuel burning lamp. They heard her screaming and got her out. She has never respected fire since. As an adult, she would do the most careless crap with fire and cooking. I grew up being her stove babysitter so she didn't burn the house down. The smoke alarm went off constantly. She had a horrible /scary habit to put dinner on and go hibernate in the bathroom or "rest". One time, she washed the dishes and dried the pan with the stove on. The smoke alarm was SCREAMING because it was about to start flaming when I saw what was happening, I shut it down before it burned the house down. I banged on her bedroom door and was pissed. She was in the bedroom with the door closed, the TV on and her hearing was bad. She was angry at me for having the nerve to call her out on her HUGE mistake. I am so afraid of a fire. I moved into a condo where the fire alarms were put in before fire codes were started. It is not a safe feeling. I live alone and in an attached to neighbors home sitiationI am always on high alert. My next door disabled neighbor smokes. My mom always called me selfish, spoiled and ungrateful. The last thing she said to me on her deathbed was I was spoiled. If the shoe fits mom.
@PrayerWarrior_5784
2 жыл бұрын
This hits the nail on the head. I WAS his storage container until about a year ago. Never again.
@sunshine-sm6nf
2 жыл бұрын
yes my Mom said that I didnt have any needs and I use to believe her. She said she was the needy one, I was like my Dad and didnt need anything. Oh my I finally realized I do have needs, everyone does and finally decided to go and meet them with the right people and the right things in my life.
@FeMiNem-Poet
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your wonderful videos and channel. So much to learn. 🙏 🌺Perhaps the wording can be changed. Instead of blame - substitute responsibility. Right - It is my responsibility for my life -my feelings, my wounds my shortcomings. If I was really really healthy - if I have cleaned up my own wounds and my own stuff on my side of the street so to speak then the narcissist would not be in my life.🌹 And yes absolutely that is a process. But it seems almost dangerous to get into the energy that it's all about the narcissist. I have a soul. I have power. I'm not recognizing my power. So it's up to me to clean up my wounds etc etc. it's my responsibility- substituting blame. Thank you so much for your channel. It is healing so many people regarding the subject.🌹💐🌹
@purvamandlik4696
2 жыл бұрын
I tried the book 'men are from Mars' to find answers to the lack of communication between us. I tried various strategies it suggested. But nothing improved. I felt that he needs to be by himself for longer periods to be a better version of himself. I started pulling away from him, so that i may control any stress i might be putting on him unknowingly. That didn't work either, but I got used to stepping away from him, and that turned into grey rock even before i knew the term. In a way I radically accepted that he doesn't have the capacity or willingness to be the husband and father I would like him to be. I stopped expecting anything from him, and became completely independent.
@genevievebelanger903
2 жыл бұрын
As always, Dr. Ramani, your words work like magic. It had helped me so much to understand I had being the emotional puching ball of parents that couldn't contain their own emotions. I had had to become their container... I later realised that I belong to myself and that no one can claim to use me as the mirror that reflects the projections of what they don't like in themselves.
@mayak1599
2 жыл бұрын
Very well put. That makes so much visual & intellectual sense!! Thank you, as always ❤️
@firsttbone
2 жыл бұрын
"No one should be living rent free in your head, your heart or your soul!!"
@SwathiPallavi
2 жыл бұрын
Yes. And you don’t have the permission to recycle, spring clean or de-clutter that stinking bin. That muck keeps growing…
@Betsys707
2 жыл бұрын
This might be my favorite video yet!!! Shame storage unit🙋🏻♀️👀💯 A unit filled with projection and lies. 💔 Can I collect back rent for all those years?! 💰💰💰 I’ve watched this 3X already. It’s so spot on. I feel like you actually know us and for the first time, I feel truly seen.❤️
@sudhamukhia9860
2 жыл бұрын
I have so much love and respect for you! Thank you for this endless treasure of knowledge!
@marshmoreland8365
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Ramani is the most expressive person I have ever seen
@penne999
2 жыл бұрын
I hate storage unit waste of time and money and junk! I experienced all of this shame and threw it out on the street! Now, I’m very self sufficient. Healthy and Thriving. Thank you Dr. Ramani you help so many, me included. 💐
@mamaluvsherbabes
2 жыл бұрын
THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! FINALLY...someone....a PROFESSIONAL who CONFIRMS that the failure of a narcissistic marriage is NOT the fault of the NON-narcissistic partner! I've said this for years! That there are some relationships wherein the failure of that relationship is NOT caused by BOTH partners but by only the narc him or herself. FINALLY, someone confirms that it doesn't always "take two" to destroy a relationship/marriage. All it requires is ONE to TAKE, TAKE, TAKE and the other to GIVE, GIVE, GIVE. The one who gives is doing the right things, although at some point, this individual does need to leave because the narc is not going to change, appreciate all this person has given and tolerated. The only area that the NON-narc is responsible for is in tolerating the complete lack of respect and love. The NON narc cannot possibly be responsible for destroying a relationship that honestly NEVER existed. BUT we are responsible for how much damage happens to us and to our children by deciding to remain in this incredibly, all-encompassing toxicity. Although even this criteria has its limitations because it's not always feasible to leave. Realistically, it could take years to be in a position financially to make that necessary step. With a narcissist, it's always, only about them, including the destruction of the "relationship".
@deborahcollins1100
2 жыл бұрын
Yes definitely the main dumping ground for his anger and all that goes wrong in his world 😩
@SkarGig
2 жыл бұрын
I find I'm lost without someone forcing me to meet their needs. I am passive toward my own needs. It makes me feel like I'm the narcissist. I struggle to date because I can't tell what people want from me and I end up giving time and energy I don't want to because that's what I think will make a relationship. I remember what it's like to organically fall into love and a relationship, from before the narcissist, but it seems like this world doesn't cater to organic relationship 💔
@brimstone33
2 жыл бұрын
Sounds like you need to spend some time finding yourself. Try to stop worrying about having a relationship or pleasing other people and do some things just for yourself. Maybe try some group activities with strangers, try something like MeetUp to find something fun near you.
@CL-lo4wd
2 жыл бұрын
Brilliant! Exactly what I needed to hear this morning, because my narc started trying to hoover me back last night. Btw, I love Dan Shawn’s work. His first book and Alexandra Stein’s book, together with your channel, are my “holy trinity”, so to speak.
@Rezellen
2 жыл бұрын
I recently got into audiobooks- I can check them out on my phone at the library and I can listen to them as I go about my day; multitasking. So when you recommended Daniel Shaw I decided to go into my library app, here in Portland Oregon, and find some audiobooks on narcissistic people. Strangely enough I found it kind of comforting that every single audio book about narcissism has a 3 to 9 week hold. People are catching on to this… people want know about narcassist behavior, it is becoming a trend. As much as I hate to say it Donald Trump did something sorta good, he woke up the narcissistic profile.
@kathykonkle1097
2 жыл бұрын
Yes. No two brains are exactly alike. Some have narcissistic tendencies a little bit and some like the monster Trump have it 100%. He is unfixable and needs to be in prison for the criminally insane to protect everyone else. His children and their children will have similar brain types and will cause society a great deal of pain. I hope the US is able to confiscate all of their assets which will help reduce their power to harm others.
@franceeilers2339
2 жыл бұрын
Aha. That happened to me too. But I was in a financial position to fill up my Pods storage container with my belongings and moved to another city. Money has a way of changing folks. Money gave me a backbone. And I owe it all to my stalker. He didn’t think that I had it in me to pack up and leave. He finally got my diagnosis.
@JazzedatHome
9 ай бұрын
Thank you, so much, Dr. Ramani! I always wondered why my mom called me selfish or ungrateful, when I didn't feel that I was any of those things. I could never be grateful ENOUGH for her. I could never grovel enough. I could never be good enough. Same with my father, unfortunately, who constantly called me spoiled. No, I wasn't spoiled. I wasn't selfish. I wasn't ungrateful. I was damaged, as a result of having been raised by two abusive narcissists. There's a difference. I was just thinking about this, the other day, so the timing of this video popping up on my feed is amazing. Blessings!
@NuclearNoMore
2 жыл бұрын
This lesson helps me a lot. My son has been gaslighting me. Because of video game addiction, he didn't develop his own personality. He wants my personality, but instead of simply copying it, as a child normally would, he thinks the way to get it is to destroy me, as in a video game, luring me in, then attacking me.
@C.S.99
2 жыл бұрын
"no one should be living rent free in your head, your heart or your soul" mic drop
@jeffreyjackson5229
2 жыл бұрын
"No one should live rent free in your heart, mind, and soul."👍
@panfried7566
2 жыл бұрын
OMG - Her projection was so intense it blinded the truth about her constant need for validation and the shame associated with it. I constantly made changes, gave up things, admitted fault where there was none for a little sliver of peace- I became her/narcissist 'puke bucket'. where was this video 20 years ago? thanks, Dr. Ramani
@Adetunji168
2 жыл бұрын
Thankyou Dr Ramani, Your message operated like a microscope on the 'Narcissists' I've been feeding. Boundaries have been problematic in my workplace where my employer holds the reins. I've felt like a horse that'd been whipped whilst my employer has enjoyed the ride in the carriage.My cataracts(blind dysfunctional view) blurred me to my employers script for me. I'm not blaming them even though the journey has been painful. Realise now that there was an element of co-dependency from myself and economic dependency. I feel now that my 'employers route/destination is not where I want to go. Just feel that I've had enough and it's time to quit.Thought about for some time - whilst I've had to re-appraise what my real values are and come to honest terms with 'the internalised feedback experienced' . Your message on 'Rumminating' also has been of great help. I really appreciate your committed dedication to your 'Craft' and Service towards those in need. Thankyou.
@tessacyclone6329
2 жыл бұрын
I got chills from your wording. Once upon a time he told me thankyiu for letting me clean my soul on you .when he told me a shameful secret about something extremely oppressive he did . God that was sickening at the time
@QlueDuPlessis
2 жыл бұрын
I'm gonna be okay thaks to you🤗 I think I was on the verge of letting my quiet borderline become more overt before I found your videos. I'm getting there
@Mother.Mulberry
2 жыл бұрын
Dear Dr , I find myself taking the steps. Thank you for illuminating the way.
@jeaninesawdon8690
2 жыл бұрын
When I get called selfish (a lot), I smile and say, "The shoe fits and I wear it with pride." This does to stump my narcs, that I don't care if they think I selfish
@RickieBobbie0721
2 жыл бұрын
You are heaven sent Dr. Ramani!
@privateprivate8366
2 жыл бұрын
I kid you not that, when my mother’s township was after her, for all the stuff she had, she wanted me to store it in my apartment. Other than the deadly, mountainous work I’d have had to do, I’d already sussed out that, had I obliged, I’d be stuck with her telling me she wasn’t ready to take it back yet and I’d be living in absolute Hell, being a repository for her stuff. No. But, yes, I have felt sensitive to this “transfer”. For me, it didn’t quite feel like transfer of shame. But, transfer of personal responsibility, meant to ensure that they didn’t deal with the consequences of their own actions. They (mother and also my neighbor) felt that a “great idea” to “fix things and make them “easier” was to hurl it over the wall at me and ruin TF out of my life. I experienced the same thing, with a coworker, years ago. She told me it was easier, if I handled the work, that was actually her job and responsibility. My guess is that it was her cure, for the fact that I wouldn’t babysit her 11 year old, when she brought her into work. A flat no ended that. I knew I was probably looking at racism. But I didn’t know anything about narcissism. But, yes, narcissists appear to slide right out of not just responsibility, but know what they did, know it was wrong and will look to others, as a dumping ground. Then, when they find that person has a firewall and a mouth, they get angry, like you GASF.
@jasongrice5465
2 жыл бұрын
"Transfer of personal responsibility", thanks for that. 💜
@nathansmith6365
2 жыл бұрын
I did this literally....we had amassed tools....and I was storing them in my apartment...when I finally saw what he and his church friends we're doing...I put all the tool by the street with a free sign on them..when he showed up to get them with his 2 church buddies...I called the police dept. And requested an officer for a civil standby...and it worked...no words we're spoken....
@asmanasim9394
2 жыл бұрын
Spot on. I have been a trash can yes. He behaved badly felt ashamed and then woaaaaaa... He vomitted out on me.... 😰ugh ugh ugh.... So spot on Dr. R... ❤
@lizl1407
2 жыл бұрын
Perfect response to projection: "I know you are but what am I?"
@earlthompson5420
2 жыл бұрын
Yup i’ve been hiding all my narc dirt for years! But now it’s time to pay the piper
@wahjah7566
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this video. You hit the nail on the head. As I am in a relationship exactly as you explained. I'm tired of being the blame, all the fault and being told I'm the one not trying, the name calling etc.... Thank you for your confirmation on what I am doing is right, by smiling and walking away. I'm doing a lot of self work and I can see all the big changes that I have made. And spirit has confirmed through you and your video that I am doing right. Thank you. It's really hard not having someone to talk to or even relate to what I am going through. Again, thank you for allowing me the time to get this off my chest. You have a blessed day my friend.
@mskathryn231
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you! I have been trying to put this into words! This! Exactly! 💯
@user-md6zj4lc1f
2 жыл бұрын
So accurate! You universalise an individual experience. Thanks for that🙏🏼
@belindam.8096
2 жыл бұрын
Yep!!!💯 Everything is all about them!! He would call me names like stupid, not worthy of his love, and my life is crap. I would be thinking, wow, is he talking about himself.??
@carolclark5776
2 жыл бұрын
Survivor thingy had my eyes open. Projection. Staying out of way
@eritquearcus8002
2 жыл бұрын
Feeling like I’m them ‘garbage bin’ ! they throw all what they don’t want into you, all the bad,disgusting, shame , ect.
@shubhangibarsagade9627
2 жыл бұрын
This is the best thing i have ever heard on KZitem. Thank you for making this video Dr. R.✌
@cymbolichuman433
2 жыл бұрын
Believing in yourself and your limitations and successes will carry you through.
@tessacyclone6329
2 жыл бұрын
They expect you to hold their secrets too like complaints about the mum they don't make boundaries to .
@gails9528
2 жыл бұрын
Well said Doctor Ramani -Well said!
@rokoroo
2 жыл бұрын
When I expected a thank you or a "well done", my ex used to tell me I shouldn't need so much external validation.
@mikaylahmag1428
2 жыл бұрын
The most difficult when we internalising that is because we can feel they emotions and feelings and they never let us go... NO! WHEN YOU ARE WITH NARC THEY DO DESTROY EVERYTHING AROUND US..... devaluation is something easy to spot but other partes of manipulation still hard for any involved part.... Thanks for the video... HEAD, HEART & SOUL✌🏻🦋 LOVE,PEACE, & FREEDOM 💗❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
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