We mask so much that we end up deceiving ourselves of who we are 🤦🏽♀️
@ElaineWalker
2 жыл бұрын
I've been told, "You can't be autistic. When you were president of our space society you were super high energy and bubbly." I didn't know I was autistic back then, but after EVERY meeting, I would always think to myself, "Wow, I feel like I really over did it with the high energy bubbly personality." And my face would be sore from smiling, and I would worry if anyone saw through the act. 🙄 Apparently it was pretty convincing! lol
@relentlessrhythm2774
Жыл бұрын
When I was heavily masking, I acted super outgoing and talkative. I burnt out after a few years and became depressed that I no longer had energy to mask. Finding out I am autistic is such a blessing and I greatly appreciated KZitem channels like this that help me understand how my brain works and how to take better care of myself.
@cornishmaid9138
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve always been successful in any job I’ve had, and initially can be popular. However, I would generally leave within 6 months because I found it too difficult to mask on a daily basis. The cracks would slowly appear and my Aspie self would seep out and was not well received. So rather than suffer the rejection I would leave, move on, and start the whole process again. I’m retired now, so I’m relieved of that burden. But also, I have no friends. 😔
@charrogate
Жыл бұрын
❤No friends 😟, but certainly not alone in experiencing that, if it's of some comfort. 🤔
@deusexaethera
Жыл бұрын
17:53 - This is a deeply satisfying level of sarcasm.
@judyi.7015
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for reminding us, even though we mask to try to make other people more comfortable, they still do not "get" us, like us or want to be our friend. The only people who I have been able to successfully have relationships with are other broken people, who are just looking for acceptance amidst their personal crises.
@SaraHinata
3 жыл бұрын
I've read and watched many women on the spectrum saying they used to pick that one popular girl to copy her. I didn't even realize I was copying other people. My mother would quickly realize I came home speaking and having different gestures, and would say "who did you copy that from?? 🤔". Even as an adult I would do it occasionally. My brother started to notice it too. I didn't realize I paid so close attention to people's gestures, facial expressions and overall body language. If I'm looking for someone that's one of the ways I describe them "It's the one that walks/talks like ______. They also like to do this/that gesture". People's body language is quite unique. Like a finger print.
@gaiagoddess5360
2 жыл бұрын
YES! I did this too! The prettiest most popular girl in my school, her name was Chrissy. I watched her and practically put her on a pedestal (of course we weren't friends, she looked at me like a lower life form). I went home after school and actually had an activity called "Playing Chrissy". Like I would pretend I was her, that was my after-school activity.
@ElaineWalker
2 жыл бұрын
I vividly remember studying Jennifer (the prettiest, smartest, nicest girl), and Trisha (the funniest) and Heidi (the sporty one.. guys seemed to like the sporty thing too)... and trying to piece it all together. I wasn't shy - just quiet, but only because I was busy studying the human girls! I wasn't able to really put it all into practice in a natural way until... college! But it all paid off.. I could throw parties and no one suspected that I was acting. I still constantly morphed to the personality of whoever I was rooming with at the time. 😅 I had no idea what autism was until a couple years ago.. diagnosed at 53.
@infidelcastor
2 жыл бұрын
I was never interested in or able to copy anyone. Didn’t even cross my mind. I always longed to be at home in peace and quiet away from people. I may appear on the outside on the surface and on a distance like I’m pretty “normal”, but inside I’m not particularly interested in socializing. Seems as if a lot of ASD women are much more interested in being with others and fitting in than me 🤔
@camellia8625
Жыл бұрын
It feels as if someone is stealing your individuality if they mimic you. It feels violating. It would be better if these autistic chameleons could develop their own style, interests, persona etc to be amazingly themselves.
@Slim_Chiply
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for putting this up. I just stumbled on your channel. I'm almost 60 now. There was no autism when I was a kid. I've been diagnosed with all kinds of things. Never autism. I've been masking my whole life. I no longer have any idea who I actually am. One thing is clear: I can no longer keep it up. I've been in a state of perpetual breakdown for the better part of a decade. As you allude to, masking is dangerous. I don't know what else we could do. Difference is never accepted by society.
@nathansmith-jk7cz
Жыл бұрын
Learned hard lessons in being too open.Always felt the need to prove myself and never felt good enough
@cornishmaid9138
2 жыл бұрын
This is BRILLIANT, once again, Orion, you’ve helped this old woman (me) understand the ‘why’. I paused your video and discussed with my long suffering husband the ‘light-bulb’ moment I had whilst watching, and yes, it all make sense. Not only that, because we live with my daughter and her family as an inter generational bunch, and going on the premise that autism is hereditary, it makes perfect sense of the grandchildren getting in the car after school, or when they get home, and all having mini meltdowns…. Until they eat! I see it now. They’ve been masking all day and when in their safe space at home they rip off the masks and all the emotions let rip. Absolutely fantastic insight. My particular difficulty is, because I live in someone else’s home, I can’t come home and rip off my mask. It’s my dilemma and I get sooo exhausted I end up in burnout. Thank you, thank you once again, Orion, for your wonderful insight. My husband is now 100% on board with my dilemma and your insights have helped him tremendously. Our journey in this marriage, and the difficult occasions he’s had to deal with in me, now makes total sense to him and he regrets not knowing sooner. ❤️
@MrAtheistQueen
2 жыл бұрын
I'm still in that phase of trying to figure out who I am after being diagnosed at age 45. Your description is EXACTLY what I've been going through. Thank you for helping me know there are other people like me. Misery loves company, right! LOL!
@ohkaygoplay
Жыл бұрын
I mask at work every single day. I didn't know this was what I'd been doing since childhood, since I got my diagnosis last Fall. I'm 41. No wonder I'm so tired after working shifts that my coworkers are fine with. I've recently been told, "It's not a lot," and had to tell them that for me, it is. That makes me feel weak and pathetic for not being able to sustain the hours they can and not have a meltdown. They don't understand that on top of working in a restaurant as a server 6 days a week (2 of them are short shifts, the others are 5-6 hours) dealing with all of that restaurant stuff, I'm also using energy and effort to mask. I could be standing still, it could be slow at work, and I'll STILL be using that effort to mask around them, and deal with receiving more sensory information than they do. I'm not allowed to stop. In food service, you can't stop moving. You're called lazy, and wasting the company's time if you're not doing something when not on your only 10 minute break. I sent an email to my boss today explaining how and why I'm overwhelmed, tired, and thus making mistakes. I asked to have 1 or 2 days removed from my schedule to give me time. I hope I'm not fired for complaining because other people do more work than I do.
@jackd.rifter3299
Жыл бұрын
I've spent so long asking myself "who am I?" that even thought I was an alien, even until recently I felt like an alien. This is the exact kind of answer that I've been looking for without knowing it and I'm now trying to figure out who I am without the masking at almost 32 years old.
@ariqroth
2 жыл бұрын
The phone call thing can change my entire day. If I let the call go to voicemail and they call back....at that point I am probably screaming.
@jeannette7154
Жыл бұрын
Wow, this was really powerful! I am so glad that I watched this video. I'm using it to help explain masking to my friends and family when they wonder why it took so long to be diagnosed. I'm 43 now and finally feel like it is all going to be okay.
@nancyz3755
Жыл бұрын
masking has been something ive done for so long... i cant wait to watch this one. each of your videos enlighten me more and more as to why i am who i am/pretend to be. im 67, im BLOODY tired of it. so so tired of it. i am so Happy that you are here to help me see more clearly. Thank You.
@kdcraft89
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your insightful perspective. One thing I've become aware of about my masking is that I'm constantly looking at myself from the outside, checking my demeanor and behavior for "acceptability." I've been experimenting with putting my attention within myself and not checking, evaluating, etc. Not sure where this will lead, but I notice that when I can remember and do it, life seems easier. I'm less judgmental of myself and also of others (others in general). Your videos have been important to me. You have helped me understand why my life, which looked "relatively" successful has been so very hard. Part of my mask has been to not let on and to isolate myself during recovery from the daily tasks of job or other responsibilities. I don't fully understand how to break out of this cycle, but at least I better understand what it is. A first step. I've stopped feeling guilty that I need(ed) a lot of "downtime" for one thing. For another, I always have felt I was underperforming not using my skills and talents fully. I'm coming to see that these expectations are based on neurotypical norms. So I'm not a failure. I'm an autistic person with some skills and also limits due to my disability.
@silviasevilla239
2 ай бұрын
I masked my whole life without knowing I was autistic. Bullied at home I think my mask made me invisible to the outside world. I see myself as a little ghost. Not likable, no friends at all. I don’t remember much anyway, i suspect I dissociate most of the time. Now, with a burn out of 65yo I’m so exhausted, I don’t care to socialize. I’m on isolation most of the time but I enjoy it. I keep long time friends although not all of them know I am autistic. I see them once in a while. I am learning to identify when I mask to stop doing it. I am so very tired…! I want to enjoy life although every day stuff gets on the way. Not fun. Thank you for your videos, you really help me to clarify my treats. 🙏🏼✨
@UnclePengy
Жыл бұрын
I have two or three masks I wear depending on the situation. Sometimes I feel deceitful, like I'm being fake, and sometimes I feel afraid I might lose my own personality. I have never perfected a "dating mask", alas.
@malindisultuska9618
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for addressing employment. The details you covered are quite relevant to my interviewing and employment experiences.
@lunarcowboy
Жыл бұрын
I wasn't even sure I was masking until this video, but like all your videos, the way you explained it made me see how it related to my own behaviors. At least now I can recognize it I guess
@EricMHowardII-yh1rn
11 ай бұрын
Living a lie becomes a heavy burden . Hide is another word for lie. Masking says lie to yourself and everyone else that is not acceptable. Continuous lying is next to impossible. Thank You for listening to me. Greetings from Philadelphia Pennsylvania Land of the Liberty Bell.
@AppreciateGoodMessag
3 ай бұрын
"Beyond ridiculous" made me belly laugh. You are so right.
@hepcatliz
Жыл бұрын
Oh yeah this is a big one. People who know "Work Liz" don't often get to see "NotWork Liz", and are BAFFLED that I have to act differently at work than I would at home. Late diagnosis, and this makes more sense, that I've been masking my entire life. These last couple years have been a fun adventure trying to figure out who I really am :D
@julierhan
8 ай бұрын
Wow! You really articulated this crazy dilemma in a unique way. We mask to be accepted by others, yet, it’s rarely convincing enough to blend in completely- or get that job offer, etc. Even if it is convincing, it’s so exhausting that it becomes impossible to maintain after decades( I am 46). But if we are ourselves, we face ostracism. Lose/lose 😐
@michaelpieper5908
10 ай бұрын
This is so accurate. I have been so tired and exhausted mentally lately.
@katycheroske8612
11 ай бұрын
I masked so well that I got a job that was a horrible fit for me and I wound up fired:/ sad to look back and know we were simply unaware
@odinforce86
Жыл бұрын
You helped me to unlock myself to the infinite percent ✨️ 💛 💖 8% an 8 looks like the Infinity sign
@louispeel9919
Жыл бұрын
I had said to me in a video call the other day to Lessen My Autism and not be so sarcastic! LMAO
@hollieverafter
Жыл бұрын
I'm 50 years old and I don't even know what it would look like to strip away the mask entirely. I know it's there. But I can't figure out where the line is, I've had it on so long. :(
@infidelcastor
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your time to talk about masking, I like your videos a lot! I’m in the process of taking my mask off, and my fiancée thinks I have been acting (faking) our whole relationship.
@barbarabuttler7647
2 жыл бұрын
But, you haven't been faking; you've been conforming. You've been behaving and emoting the way you thought you were expected to. Wouldn't an NT put on a happy face during a celebration, for example, despite the fact that perhaps a relative might be ill? Faking connotes a deliberate attempt to deceive in order to manipulate. It would be a stretch to say that emoting as expected for the circumstances is manipulative.
@rogerfarrow8650
Жыл бұрын
My favourite, you look great when you smile, why don’t you smile more? That caused me to work on a more upbeat face for usual days
@vinetamer
2 жыл бұрын
Covering the screen with a towel because of lights lol
@AlmightySeaver
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this.
@elizabethfarnsworth3425
Ай бұрын
Your videos are so, so important. Thank you for making them!
@vickiamundsen2933
10 ай бұрын
I have a vivid memory from 6th grade -- my best friend said "Don't flap your hands like that, it makes you look weird." And my masking was born!
@GemmasJourneyGrace
3 жыл бұрын
Amazing video as always i love that you went into depth about masking !
@orionkelly
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks Gemma!
@MaryKDayPetrano
10 ай бұрын
Orion, this was great ! And much needed !!
@G-3-A-R-Z
Жыл бұрын
I have lost so many jobs from letting my mask slip. TO the point where I have let my exact literal thought out. At the boss right in front of the whole shop. Anxiety pumping so hard that my whole body was seemingly pulsing. Been struggling to make it as a blogger. Been making money, but I need more opportunities. Working from home has changed my life. But I still need more. More time, more paying work. Like, let's come up with an employment agency just for us Autism Folks. The only requirement is to test on the autistic side in that ASD questioner that is going around. hmmmm as a coder I am specially interested. lol
@51elephantchang
2 жыл бұрын
Nt to ASD: 'Just be yourself'.5 mins later...'Not like that'.
@barbarabuttler7647
2 жыл бұрын
😂🤣😆❤️👏
@infidelcastor
2 жыл бұрын
This is exactly it! 😅🥲 This year I had no choice but to stop masking so hard, and my man said “you don’t have to mask anything with me”. Stopped masking so hard - and now he wonders why I’m so weird all of sudden. “You’re acting weird because you watch too much garbage about autism on KZitem”. No, this is me when I’m nearly burnt out and can’t keep up with all of you anymore.
@bingbashbosh1
Жыл бұрын
HR is never for the employees, it's to protect the company/corporation.
@nancyz3755
Жыл бұрын
i simply despise when people begin asking me questions. i have no answers
@joeminella5315
Жыл бұрын
I masked for years and years and years, without realizing it, and I was really bad at it. Don't know how to relate otherwise so I gave up trying.
@claren2792
2 жыл бұрын
Fantastic video ❤️
@orionkelly
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much.
@richgh4905
Жыл бұрын
i lived 46 years that way bud not easy at all
@nashmichaeld
Жыл бұрын
11:45 totally agree. I can't watch that show. It feels wrong
@nemea23
2 жыл бұрын
Is cussing a stim? Because I seem to be doing it a lot while I watch this video! I don't always yell at the screen... I've been masking for 60 years and this is so fing painful.
@UnclePengy
Жыл бұрын
Possibly, but you could also have Tourette's?
@nashmichaeld
Жыл бұрын
Found one! hehe
@DorifutoRabbit
Жыл бұрын
I'm not diagnosed so pinch of salt but it does feel like I'm not sure what I want/think at this point and what is camouflage
@powerninjaie5323
2 жыл бұрын
Its sad really that anybody not just someone who is autistic can't be their true selves. The powers that be want everybody to be the same so all can be controlled in the same way. At least that's how I've come to see things
@GeorgeWiman
Жыл бұрын
The stress of constant masking nearly killed me.
@DarkStar23137
Жыл бұрын
What if you had an abusive father and stepmother that beat and whooped you until you acted right so were not properly diagnosed and joined the army and are now a 34 year old combat vet with autism and don’t know who you are anymore.
@DarkStar23137
Жыл бұрын
Also, with self doubtful thoughts that believes you are not autistic. I’ve just had to hide so much that I don’t know who I am anymore, other than the fact that I love video games because they allow me escape.
@Ionic457
Жыл бұрын
epic
@soundconjurer4380
Жыл бұрын
Does anyone need ask? People are awful. Masking has driven me to seeking help I didn't need. I just need to stim, do my thing, and be who I am. I'm done masking. I'm just staying home.
@Bella-pz1we
4 ай бұрын
why am i being called autistic
@vegeta8169
Жыл бұрын
I find normies very boring. I tried to make friends but it was so so boring.
@Intensive_Porpoises
Жыл бұрын
I'm not diagnosed but I suspect I'm autistic. I've always felt that I have needed to try to bullshit to everyone that I'm alright and not a freak to be laughed at.
@fuckingfuck6405
Жыл бұрын
i mask because its often gotten me bitten in the arse, my emotions are of no concern to anybody but me unless i decide so.
Пікірлер: 74