In some cultures it’s rude to open a gift in front of the giver. If you don’t like it they will be disappointed. I wish this was a norm in my culture.
@NeurodiverJENNt
9 ай бұрын
Agreed! I do know the joy I feel watching someone opening a gift I gave them (again back to gift giving isn't selfless) so I wouldn't want to take that away from someone else... But secretly, it would be nice to be able to open them in private 🤣
@duikmans
9 ай бұрын
In Poland it's considered rude to open a gift immediately, as it gives the impression that you're more interested in the gift than in the giver.
@mtsanri
9 ай бұрын
I got a handmade christmas card from a friend that said "Merry Christmas unless you hate Christmas" and it had money inside. I was completely baffled for a moment and then told them sincerely that it was the best christmas card I had ever received
@orionkelly
9 ай бұрын
Merry Christmas my friend.
@NeurodiverJENNt
9 ай бұрын
Orion!! You literally just tripled my annual KZitem income 🤣 Thank you from the bottom of my little heart. Merry Christmas to you and yours my friend 🎄🎁
@orionkelly
9 ай бұрын
@@NeurodiverJENNtmy pleasure! Anytime.
@biaberg3448
9 ай бұрын
My father was autistic. Nobody knew. I remember at Christmas. He didn't care about the presents he got. I was so disappointed. Especially because it took so long before he started to use what I had bought him. Now I understand. That's great.
@Tigerhawk1978
9 ай бұрын
This video expressed perfectly the way I feel about gift giving. Thank you. For me, my parents, sister, and I stopped exchanging gifts years ago, so that relieves a lot of that stress and anxiety for me. However, this week two of my close friends surprised me with gifts. This caused a panic in me. Not only had I not gotten them anything, but the notion to do so hadn't even crossed my mind. Now I'm scrambling to reciprocate and have no clue what to get them. It's too late to order something online before Christmas, which means I'm going to have to go to busy, chaotic, overstimulating stores with all the other last-minute shoppers. Ugh!
@rayondelune69
9 ай бұрын
OMGosh, your baby shower story...exact same here, it still haunts me 18 years later. It was thrown as a 'surprise' for me, only someone had given me the heads up, which threw me into a complete shame spiral. How do I act? How can I pretend that I didn't know? Will someone guess that I knew? I feel like I fluffed it completely, and that my controlled response was taken as ingratitude. One work colleague even passively aggressively challenged me the following day with "Don't you LIKE surprises?" If only I could have responded with the truth.."Actually, no, I don't." Thank you for saying in your Orion Kelly interview that we are not broken neurotypicals, we are perfectly normal neurodivergents. That will help me alot going forward.
@cynthiag3065
9 ай бұрын
Now, I understand why it took me 4 years to choose a sofa.😊And 30 plus years later still have it. 😊
@biaberg3448
9 ай бұрын
I didn’t buy a new sofa before my adult children forced me to do so. But I’m still using the old one another place.
@markb2084
9 ай бұрын
My family say I difficut to buy for, I tell family not to buy me anything, they ignore me... repeat annualy.
@jennifermcmillan9518
9 ай бұрын
Thank you. I just found you today and watching you is like having a convo with my daughter. I understood this but not to the degree you expressed here. Definitely a fan.
@hazcatsophia
9 ай бұрын
Yes!! I so relate to all this gift giving/receiving activities.
@amazinglyaudrey
9 ай бұрын
Getting gifts is such a stressful experience for me and I didn't realize why until I was diagnosed this year. "Did I emote enough? Do I seem grateful enough? What does this mean?" 🙄While I understand the intention, and I try to choose thoughtful gifts for people as well (despite being hypocritical), I hate the pressure and expectations and even just being perceived. I feel obligated to use whatever I'm given, otherwise it's just a waste, but 70% of the presents I get end up never being touched again and I feel super guilty about it. Additionally, I feel obligated to keep the gift, which clutters my home because I only have so much space for things. Oof. Yeah, this video touched on something. ❤
@NeurodiverJENNt
9 ай бұрын
I relate to this guilt you speak of ❤️
@autisticrobotdragon17
9 ай бұрын
This video echoes how I feel about this whole subject. I’ve felt bad most of my life about how I feel about gift giving and receiving and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in how I feel! So thank you!
@emmamunro7208
9 ай бұрын
Omfg! I'm blown away. I find present times really overwhelming. I thought I was the only one.
@heathertoomey7068
9 ай бұрын
I have autism and have struggled to give gifts. I use to love it, but then I saw that nobody really liked my gifts. This most recent Christmas, I tried to do gifts. Some were meant to be service-based instead of items, but I haven't done them yet. The one thing I do want to buy, I haven't. The only gifts I gave this year were things I found in my room and was willing to give away. Two years ago, I didn't give gifts, and nobody noticed. A year ago, I revealed this to my brother who also has autism, and he seemed really shocked and kind of hurt, so I gave a few people something, especially him. Everyone in my family has always had more money than me, so whatever I get them, they could have gotten themselves. The fact that they haven't usually shows that they didn't want it. One time though, I gave my dad a book about math, because he loves math, and I saw it on his bed stand with the books he reads to relax before bed. (Next to the math book he had already gotten for that purpose.) I actually did read some or all of it, and recommended it to others. It made me feel loved and appreciated. I'm really good at acting happy about a gift, even if I really just feel like doing a Mona Lisa smile and nodding with almost-eye-contact.
@kimmieshimmie
9 ай бұрын
Your video is so spot on and sums up years of struggle and internal conflict. Thank you!
@Tom_Torres
9 ай бұрын
Another great video, Jenn! You are quickly becoming my favorite AuDHD/Autistic youtuber. Side note: Super happy your boss keeps you on payroll! 😉 Your content is helpful, funny & informative.
@redhawkredhawk77com
7 ай бұрын
I actually sent this video to my Dad, right before Christmas and he didn't get me anything. It was awesome!! Thank you!!
@NeurodiverJENNt
7 ай бұрын
Hahaha no.... Are you serious?!
@redhawkredhawk77com
7 ай бұрын
@@NeurodiverJENNt 100%!
@PossumMedic
9 ай бұрын
I HATE Christmas and birthdays. Again I need to put on a fake show for other people Doesn't help when you specifically ask people to stop giving you gifts... and they just ignore you
@BiddyBiddyBiddy
5 ай бұрын
At twelve I told my mom I didn't like Christmas because I felt I had to perform happiness and excitement whether I felt it or not, and I felt I would upset or let people down if I didn't. To her credit (and this was rare) she told me that it was ok for me to simply say thank you, and merry Christmas and I didn't have to be excited or anything. I then cried. Still not sure if it was relief or the feeling I was still letting my family down; heavy worries for twelve year old mind. If only we knew then what I've learned now. Great video Jenn.
@elizabethivy1337
8 ай бұрын
Yeah, the act of gift giving and receiving is something that gives me so much anxiety. I appreciate when others give me gifts and like to give gifts out myself. However, I don't like that there are mandatory gifting times for birthdays and holidays. It just seems weird to me that a gift is coming out of obligation. I would much prefer seeing something while I'm out that makes me think of the person and buying it spontaneously for them. Or buying something for someone because they mentioned it in conversation and it's something I know they would enjoy receiving. I always overthink gifts when trying to buy for others, which makes the whole process really exhausting and time consuming. I prefer to give food and consumables, so I don't have to worry so much burdening someone with something they don't like.
@Tilly850
9 ай бұрын
This year I was surprised silly and am still laughing at the gift my dear grown spectrum son gave 65 year old me. He doesn't always even manage to give a gift, but this year he brought me a full sized cardboard cutout of Captain Pike from the new Star Trek series. How much fun can I have with that! I do enjoy that show, although I don't tend to be gushy about characters. I am widowed so now I have this full sized flat-man standing in my kitchen ready to beam up. The dog took some time getting used to him. I think it was a hilarious gift that showed that he knows not only that I liked this show, but he also knows we share the same sense of quirky humor. I gave him a nerd T-shirt and he was delighted with it. We don't give well every year, but on occasion it works out. We don't get wound up about the whole gift thing. We each do our best and mostly we enjoy each other's company. This year I am still chuckling at his gift...weird, quirky and so much potential for funny poses and friend gags. I can put him in the garden for some cool photos...so many things Capt. Pike can do around the house...LOL Some years I do pretty well with gift choosing...others not so much. The gift-giving labyrinth of obligation and anxiety can be very tricky. Now that I figured out I am autistic at least I know why sometimes I feel like I suck at it and sometimes I hit the nail on the head with the perfect thing! Fun video and good topic. I too feel awful when the center of attention like that baby shower you mentioned....ewwww. Awful feeling isn't it! Definitely a difficult one. PS: loved your "struggle bus"...thinking it was this vid or another of yours where you used the term. Yup. Good one.
@NeurodiverJENNt
9 ай бұрын
Hahaha that's amazing!!! I too would have a hay day with a giant cardboard cut out! Oh the possibilities... I think you nailed it with the fact that the obligation and anxiety can be tricky... And gift giving labyrinth was a great way to describe it! BUT... that it can go well. I wish KZitem allowed photo comments so you could share Capt Pike doing something fun
@Tilly850
9 ай бұрын
@@NeurodiverJENNt Right now he likes watching me wash dishes...definitely many Capt. possibilities! Some years I do really well...then other years I totally fall flat in gifting. I have sort of learned to be kinder to myself when I just don't get there. Thanks for your videos. OH...that is a topic to look into: FUN. I find many things NTs apparently think are fun are NOT for me; and the other way round. Cosplay seems very ND. A video looking at the concept of "fun" might be...wait for it...yeah, you know without me saying it!
@camiilepeyre7689
9 ай бұрын
Take my comment with a grain of salt beacause I in the process of getting a diagnosis but I may not be on the spectrum. I still relate to most of the situations in your video. But in the past few years I felt like I really improved on my gift giving by : 1 : Giving collective gifts like a special kind of food or a decoration for an office... 2 : planning ahead like for birthdays, I'll give myself 3 months toget an idea and that helps lowering my anxiety about it 3 : I don't hesitate to give cash or gift cards, because that's always better than something obviously uninspired like a candle I hope this helps someone out there ! :)
@johnvreugdenhil9779
9 ай бұрын
Merry Christmas and thanks for all you do on here!!
@NeurodiverJENNt
9 ай бұрын
I know I already said thank you, but again, THANK YOU
@Sakichii
9 ай бұрын
Also leaving the house to go to shopping centres can be difficult. Combined with spending a long time thinking of the perfect gift that the loved one will get value out of.
@AuDHDean-pu1nf
2 ай бұрын
All I want for Christmas is for my friends and family to watch this video.
@michaelpieper5908
8 ай бұрын
100%. I never thought that this was an Autistic thing.
@HenrikBergpianorganist
4 ай бұрын
So much I can relate to here! I really have a hard time with gifts... Like getting and giving little useless things that nobody needs is 100% pointless to me. Waste of money and resources. Of course, if I receive something that is really useful that's fine. Or stuff you can eat or drink, haha. I demanded that my family should stop giving Christmas gifts already 20 years ago after a bunch of horrible Christmases where everyone was just faking it anyway (and I got some horrendous things). But giving gifts is also very difficult. Sometimes I might (might!) pick up on what someone says they want, but otherwise I just find it SO difficult to know what a person would want or like. That "if you loved me enough you would know" is just the worst rubbish ever. I always thought I was the worst person ever, but now I realise this is just one typical part of my neurodivergence... A handwritten card is perfectly enough for me! (But don't force me to write a f-ing essay about all my warm feelings on one!😆)
@cindianajones9049
9 ай бұрын
This was spot on Jenn. Thank you. Oh... and you look absolutely darling all Christmas-y
@jgauz23
9 ай бұрын
Thanks! It’s nice to finally fine someone like me! I’m not alone. You are a true light in my life.
@NeurodiverJENNt
9 ай бұрын
Thank you so so so much. This means the world to me ❤️ Merry Christmas 🎄❤️
@SweetiePieTweety
9 ай бұрын
Well this explains absolutely everything😂😂 Thank you and Merry Christmas! 🎄🛍 Love the hair!💖
@AKcess_Dnied
5 ай бұрын
I thought there was something wrong with me emotionally until just now. I've had to fake liking gifts, even one I enjoy, for longer than I can remember. Some gifts I give because I'm obligated to, but the ones for my wife I get excited about giving because I think she'll like it. But it's hard to figure out what she wants because she's not always forthcoming with it and tends to buy the things she wants anyway. I'm working towards getting some answers and have yet to be diagnosed. I identify with the AuDHD community because I behave and feel much like many of you. Most of what you post just reinforces what I suspect.
@emmamunro7208
9 ай бұрын
I will be masking all Christmas day. I wish I could skip the day 😢
@Flamelly
9 ай бұрын
Fantastic video! The point about gift-giving not being a selfless act definitely hits home. 😅 Perhaps this is more of a personal or familial issue, but I think the single biggest problem that I've faced when it comes to gift-giving occasions comes in with some of the people around me just refusing to understand my interests... Much of my family tend to prefer giving each other more functional things when they can and otherwise wine or movies when they can't. I tend to buy the functional items when I need them and have never cared for alcohol or movies, which means that I get to be "difficult to buy for" for the simple fact that nobody wants to buy things related to my special interest (which is dolls). They're too childish or frivolous, I suppose, regardless of the joy they bring me or HOW ABSOLUTELY LITTLE I need for anyone to pick me out a silverware set I will undoubtedly despise.😅 In more recent years, I've made more friends who try to understand me and vice versa, so Christmas has regained a little bit of its charm as a holiday about trying to give people things they want but otherwise can't or won't financially justify buying for themselves (more or less) ^^; but it's so frustrating that some people just can't see beyond their own biases about things and opt instead to waste their money on stuff that just wasn't needed, wanted, or asked for regardless of how "useful" it is intended to be. 😓 Anyhow, sorry about the rant
@joannenicole2729
9 ай бұрын
Thanks for this video. Excellent as usual. I’m also curious on your ideas of the whole Santa thing. As a child I figured out very early Santa wasn’t real. I kept asking my mum endless questions about the problems with the story add the logistics of his one night adventure and eventually she got tired of it and angrily admitted that he wasn’t real but told me not to tell my younger sisters. So she basically told me to lie to them which didn’t line up with everything else I was made to believe was good. So when I had kids I never told them Santa was real. I never told them he wasn’t. For some reason both my children, my autistic son and my and my so far seemingly neurotypical daughter believed in Santa. When they asked me if he was real I never said yes, I always replied with something like “what do you think” or “do you want to believe he is real?”. This year my son said he knows he’s not real and I didn’t try to convince him otherwise and I don’t want to tell him to lie to other children either. How do you deal with this as a parent when autistic people have such a high value of truth and facts?
@lassalicatmeow
9 ай бұрын
an ex friend of mine always accused me of trying to buy peoples love because i like to gift people things, and i never associated it as something done for myself but i do get a lot of anxiety about whether someone can or will like it. i tend to buy based on interest and characters from media that people like. lol. (can only be said about close friends, i struggle with gifting normal people things because they don’t have obsessions or niche interests like i do.) that said, i love presents but i hate when they expect me to react. i don’t jump for joy or get excited, i internally enjoy a gift and then set it aside until i am alone and can properly process how much a gift means to me. so it’s always tough being in the center of gift giving, but luckily i never had someone throw me parties or gift me anything in front of large crowds, i would have exploded out of both anxiety but also embarrassment because i do not like to be perceived by others. 😭
@lassalicatmeow
9 ай бұрын
i don’t even know if i answered the question.. lol. i am not diagnosed but assumed through a lot of research by myself and friends as audhd. i like to give and receive gifts but i don’t ever expect anyone to match the level of money or thought i put into my own. i just like spoiling friends because i come from a very broke upbringing so having money to do so excites my soul.
@hrdcpy
8 ай бұрын
Does anyone else buy really thoughtful gifts and then realize later it's them self that would really love it? E.g. Sibley trees, birds and mushrooms flashcards .
@jbiddle9235
4 ай бұрын
I love giving gifts, but I hate receiving. I have never understood or been able to verbalize it well, but this year at the holidays I'm going to put my foot down. I never know what I want for myself. Get me money or a gift card so I can figure that out for myself. That offends people for some reason
@tomasvoldrich
9 ай бұрын
I always ask everybody what they want in advance in September or October. And I always get "soft gifts" + approx 135 USD equivalent in my country currency. So family gets what they really wanted and i get what i expect and everything is OK on 24.12 👍 I really love our always the same christmas. 🎄 to the point at 15:50 I think that once the gift is given it is my thing and I can do whatever I want with it
@user-nm3ug3zq1y
4 ай бұрын
I have almost 100 percent stopped taking or giving gifts. Does it create a sort of chasm? Maybe. On the other hand, shouldn't we do what *both* parties of an exchange enjoy? I mean, ponder how this mindset of doing it just for them would play out in the bedroom. All those formalities, expectations and disappointments, on top of the huge waste of mental resources ... It's just not worth it. "I don't like doing X", should be an accepted statement for everyone.
@jonkas4542
8 ай бұрын
I'm so extremely guilty of this.
@ssing7113
9 ай бұрын
I’m an extreme minimalist. Makes it easy I tell them don’t bother you know I’d give it to donation ( yes I know very callous ) and then I send them a photo of something I would have bought them 😂 Yep. Oddball and social outcast 😂
@turtleanton6539
8 ай бұрын
Yes we do
@kr3642
9 ай бұрын
My dad said i used to kind of ruin christmas for him becaise i didnt have excited reactions. I dont think he meant to be mean by saying that but i have permanent gift reception anxiety. But i LOVE to give gifts.
@theoneandonly1158
9 ай бұрын
That's who you remind me of. Daria. 😂 Brown hair and boom. Its Daria. Especially the monotone. Noice. 😊 So im pretty sure Daria was autistic now. For sure.
@mtsanri
9 ай бұрын
Daria is very autistic-coded
@abigailsanderson5943
4 ай бұрын
Stop describing my life 😂 i don't understand gift giving and it seems pointless. I need a list in order to pick a gift but apparently i was told that defeats the purpose but how else am i supposed to know what you want
@robscovell5951
9 ай бұрын
When I was a kid I didn't want gifts from random adults because I hated having to write thank you letters full of white lies
@Tummyachesurvior
9 ай бұрын
See, for me it’s the complete opposite. Gift-giving is my love language. I need people to open gifts in front of me because I want to see how much they like it. I choose gifts based on the person and I’m really good at that. If there’s someone I can’t find a gift for, it’s a red flag lol
@chibinyra
9 ай бұрын
AuDHD I hate hate gift giving... so many reasons I would need to vlog them all... but I'm annoyed how hard it is to stop the gift giving and all the expectations/demands around it. The worst though is pretending to like what I don't, then having to keep it like a giant anchor whenever I move. I also struggle enough with money that I don't need to waste it fretting I got someone something they will like. Buy me a meal or experience or something...
@janetmcneice6246
8 ай бұрын
I completely agree, 100% 👍👏👏👏👏👏👏it's a nightmare, Xmas, birthdays or any other occasions where there's gift giving and receiving
@christalintentions
9 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video. I dated a man who still wants to be identified as someone with Asperger’s. Dating him and him being my special interest made me realize that I am also on the spectrum from all the research of trying to understand him. I'm someone who feels everything emotionally, and he presents as emotionless. I spent time curating a gift box just for him. He actually loved it and was able to show it in his way. He also gave me the speech about not being a great gift giver and his gift to me might not be as thoughtful and he tends to get it wrong. We started drifting apart but I still wanted a gift when my birthday came around a month later. I was actually still ruminating on this in the shower before I turned on this video. I didn't get a gift I got a “happy birthday” and honestly I'm still hurt because I felt like he didn't care. We spoke and he said not giving a gift doesn't mean he doesn't think of me. Plus we were in a weird place. I wanted the gesture of a gift it didn't matter what is was. I keep having to remind myself he gave in so many other ways that showed he cared. Thank you for helping me to see another way so I'm not continuing to feel uncared for. Also how different the spectrum can be.
@NeurodiverJENNt
9 ай бұрын
This comment, right here... Was exactly why I did this video. I do think this presents more severely with autistic men. While this is all true to me, I am more compassionate and flexible on the issue... The male presentation was honestly my thought process while scripting. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It is hurtful, and that wasn't fair to you. It's OK to be hurt by that because it wasn't right. Funny that you were JUST thinking about that too... There is so much understanding needed for why autistics think this way, BUT there's a reason I put a note to NDs in here too.... This isn't one sided where autistics are the only ones to get their needs met.
@christalintentions
9 ай бұрын
@@NeurodiverJENNt Thank you for your response.
@Cowcake74
9 ай бұрын
I do not enjoy receiving gifts or giving gifts. Makes no sense to me, and therefore do not participate in the process. I sometimes get gifts anyway, and I have gotten a few good ones in my life which is something in regards to my special interest or a very specific object I have said I need. My mother buys me exactly what I ask for, and my siblings either crafts me something that I can make use of or enjoy or something edible which I also enjoy. Everyone knows I don’t give gifts, and that they should not expect anything ever. I do not expect to get any either, and people seem fine with that. I have my own money, so I am very capable of buying the things I want and need for myself. I help people in my life with particular things I’m good at and vice versa, and I enjoy their company for socializing. Which is all I want in my life. People seem to think they know what you want or need in regards to gifts, which in my experience is completely wrong. If you give me a new item I either have one more item than I need, or I have to get rid of one I already have, or the new one. Seems like a waste 😆
@LaceyMyriah
9 ай бұрын
Three years ago (the second Christmas my partner and I were together) my lovely partner gave me a framed triptych of photos of the two of us over the previous year. I didn’t realize it, but I gave no reaction whatsoever when I opened it. It TOUCHED me truly, deeply, and that almost made it worse when it came to expressing how much it meant. It also… was a photo. So like, of course I love it and it was thoughtful, and I love looking at it now, but it wasn’t like, a treasure chest or something really unusual and a special interest related item… that doesn’t mean I love the thought and the gift any less. But let me tell you, I’ve had to work to convince him that I love it over the last 3 years lol. However, when he proposed to me last Monday, (yay!) I felt he finally has grown to understand me - I cried and just hugged him until he said “I’m going to assume that’s a yes”. I was SO HAPPY but then I got these deep doom feeling… that didn’t last long but man being autistic is hard. I totally relate to the depression felt after a big change. Thankfully I haven’t been experiencing that with this situation but I really hadn’t put much thought into how that experience has impacted me throughout my life. Thankfully now I know what’s going on and I can just tell my partner “I need to process” and then I can gush days later :)
@nataliamartinez6834
9 ай бұрын
My uncle always gives out cash as a gift, he says it’s the best gift because it’s money and people can get whatever they want 🤷♀️ When in doubt, cash out!
@stevenweatherly2768
9 ай бұрын
Second video of yours I've seen now and I'm a fan! Gotta send this to everyone who expects a gift from me this season. (I won't). It's so stressful! I've also always been awful at receiving gifts all through my life. I just want to tell people not to bother with me because we're both going to hate the experience!
@BadilliFM
9 ай бұрын
Agree. I have build up a protocol: open, say thanks, look up and smile, go to next gift. It's still so difficult, but me knowing I have the protocol calms me just a little tiny slightly bit, which is at least better than absolutely no calming and melting down during and after. Maybe rehearse my protocol and it might just help a tiny tiny bit.
@Green_Roc
8 ай бұрын
Delayed emotional processing... YEP sounds like me. I have vague but traumatizing memories of being yelled at "say thank you!" before I had time to process the joy and respond outwardly. We need more time. YES. This.
@aspidoscelis
9 ай бұрын
Re. showing how well you know a person and how much you've thought about them- Let's just expand that a ilttle. If you know me, you know that it's difficult to guess what will make me happy, you know that I value direct communication over guessing, you know that I'm uncomfortable with social expectations that might not align with expressing my feelings, etc. So, suppose you just ask me. The fact that you're going against the social norm means: you've thought about it, you understand me, you value me as an individual. You're nailing all the pro-social gift-giving goals. So, what's missing?
@BobDouce
9 ай бұрын
Ello 😀 i tend to disappear at these times as the whole experience is just too much for me. I'll then reappear a week or two later with a smile. Those who know me understand and accept .🧔 👍
@BobDouce
9 ай бұрын
🎉I should add that I buy gifts at times I choose and occasionally I get it right. Many of the people I know are on the spectrum so there is a collective sense of humour which makes it a little easier.
@kensears5099
5 ай бұрын
"What do you want?" "What would you like?" "If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" These are the questions that make me seize up viscerally in a panic of both humiliation and resentment. Humiliation because, apparently, every cognitively competent sentient being on the planet...which means "not me"...knows the answer to that question and being in touch with such a "motion" of the psyche is part and parcel of authentic humanness. So...I'm not authentically human. And resentment because, well, who are YOU to demand entry into my inner world and inspect it? I literally (NOT a word I over-use, by the way) feel like I'm dying, just dying inside when pestered by compulsively "sociablizing" extroverts to function on their terms, like there's a LAW somewhere that says, "Do this or be a sociopath." Why is it that the hivemind can demand certain...let's call them "performances" of you, under the threat of a "sociopath" verdict, when nobody seems to notice there's something downright psychopathic in even making the demand? Okay, maybe "psychopathic" is too severe, but it's definitely how it feels at those moments. So hard to be cheerfully superficial and play along when everything inside is screaming, "Please just STOP. Stop expecting me to sing your song, stop demanding I construct myself inwardly on your paradigm, stop assuming what my line is in response to your cue, STOP assuming what 'honesty' on my part has to look like, paradoxically forcing me to MASK!" Now, to keep this from concluding on so desperate a note, I will add that since my autism discovery I am now sooooo much more at peace, and soooooo much more competent to handle these situations. I get it now. I didn't before. Had no terms or definition for it. Now I can be sooooo much more patient and understanding. There's nothing pernicious, let alone "psychopathic," in their motivations or assumptions. That lets them off the hook. But they're not the only ones off the hook. I AM TOO. I don't need to resent them anymore, or feel humiliated. I can embrace, even with a kind of pride, the fact that, no, I don't operate on those terms. In answer to, "What dream vacation gets your motor going?" or "Name your absolute ideal Christmas gift," or, "Tell me somebody you'd give your right arm to meet at least once in life," I now possess a new, miraculous, worlds-altering freedom to reply, "No, I don't think like that. That's not how my brain operates. Such categories are meaningless to me." That's my answer. Will they like it? I don't know. Not my issue. I like it, and that's what counts. Because it's real. It's honesty on steroids. 🙂
@OldTimer1970
6 ай бұрын
I lived out of a large rucksack for 14 years, then I met my Wife, I need two bags now. My wife however will need a fleet of removal trucks. Looking around the house is a daily torture. I want to Transcend and live inside the internet. I learnt to fake the gift thing, but I put so much thought into buying presents I avoid it, I hate things like valentines, birthdays and Christmas because there are certain expectations that don't make sense to me. (cries of bah humbug or scrooge) I love making the effort for my son and my wife, I also appreciate gifts that are hand made far more. I think I'm an expert people pleaser, god level even, because only people I've allowed to get close see the slips. PS Get out of my head and stop making me nod uncontrollably and saying yes, my neck hurts. I'm joking.
@abigailsanderson5943
4 ай бұрын
I don't celebrate holidays because of the stress and anxiety of picking a gift and the heartbreak that my brain will experience if i got the wrong thing.
@shion_lwn
8 ай бұрын
I am diagnosed AuDHD late in life, who like and don't like gifting. I like giving gifts because I spend so many hours researching what I think is unique/hard to find for someone that I don't know that well. Then I super suck at figuring gifts out for my partner. I need to know what exactly she wants for her bday or Christmas. Otherwise, I need to base on what I like. but I d feel bad to make her feel less cared because of it even though I don't mean to make her feel that way. so I try to figure out what item is safe, so it's not too obvious that it's not what I d want for myself.. Mmm. 😅
@SliceyMcHackHack
9 ай бұрын
I always kinda liked getting\giving gifts. Giving because a lot of times it makes people happy and that pleases me.. Getting gifts because I think its so interesting what the people think that I would like. So I rarely think about what I'm actually getting and more about they thought this would please me..
@ashleysmith792
5 ай бұрын
I have been asd/adhd binge watching information absorbing your videos and every.single.one blows me away. (Of course I'll have to rewatch and take notes or no way am I remembering all the details....) The last one you said you throw away the box after reading the recipe and have to fish it out of the garbage because it went in one ear out the other, so random but YEP! This one- I LOVE minimalism for all of the same reasons but definitely don't live in a tiny house with one fork and one skillet. The overwhelm of having too much stuff is real. Thank you and bless you for what you're doing here. From another mom feeling less alone today
@NeurodiverJENNt
5 ай бұрын
Thank you for this
@truetruth1177
9 ай бұрын
bit of a tangent but maybe still applicable... me and my friend were both struggling wanna-be "artists" and I loved weird surrealism while she preferred more traditional realistic pursuits and when she made what I thought was a wonderful attempt at a weird painting I got sad because I thought it was SOOOOOOO much better then her "boring normal" stuff she (and so many others) were "wasting there efforts and potential" doing..... SHE ACTUALLY TOOK IT AS ME NOT LIKING HER WEIRD ART!?!?!?!!?!? FREEKIN NUER TYPS!!!! ARG!!!! heehee.... it always makes me so emotional!!!! ("neur typs" is my cutesy loving nick name for.... you guessed it neurotypicals heehee) I must have looked so heart broken or something but despite YEARS of insistance otherwise, she stubbornly stuck to her immidiate interpretation of my initial reaction....... a shame really, I SOOOOOOOO preferred that style.....
@miravlix
9 ай бұрын
Not sure I quite understand the issue with gift ideas. I have a few interest and a plushy related to something like that would work just fine as a gift. I once got a single tall glass and it was the best gift ever as it had a Linux Penguin on it, hand made by the gift giver, it actually bothered me when it got broken some years later. (And I'm past 50+ and a plushy still works) I can't fake squeal over the gift though, or maybe I can, but I can't get myself to do it. I would on the other hand have a problem with say getting gifted an iPhone, instead of buying it for myself, that would just be wrong. Meaning over value.
@zalafinari
9 ай бұрын
My personal policy on giving is that I will choose to do so when it feels natural. I abhor the obligatory nature of giving gifts for "special events." I also include acts of service as a form of gift giving. If there's something I can do for someone or something I can provide someone then I will do it then and there, not wait until the next designated socially appropriate time to give gifts. When my kids come to me asking for something I will assess the merits of the request and the context. Many times I will immediately buy them what they are wanting or do whatever thing they require of me because none of them make requests overly frequently nor make extremely spurious requests.
@zalafinari
9 ай бұрын
My kids know to not expect a gift from me on birthdays, Christmas, etc. But they've been explicitly told my feelings/thoughts on gift giving and that I will instead provide year-round gifts with no minimum amount of gift but also no maximum. I don't think I favour any one kid over the others but I also don't track that sort of thing. It's more based on need and request. None of them have ever expressed anything negative to me about my gift giving policy or implementation thereof but now that I think on it, I'm going to message each privately and explicitly ask for their feedback.
@jmaessen3531
9 ай бұрын
I'm surprised how emotional this video made me. You articulated some things So. Well. 🫶🏻 😭 This has worn me out every birthday and every holiday season like my whole life. "Monotropism is not the same as egocentrism." And the fact that it takes forever to decide what to purchase for myself let alone for others or what to request that they get me. I spend so long getting excited about gifts for others and then it looks like procrastinating on the purchase when really I've been pondering them for quite a while, and pondering that purchase that I hope helps them feel my love and how special they are to me, and will it be something they actually use or enjoy (the same rabbit hole processing i do when a new item comes into my space) 🫠 Thank you Jenn! 🎉
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