Shipman called himself SHIPLEY when he murdered his patients, I should have made that clear: murderpedia.org/male.S/images/shipman-harold/reports/shipman-clinical-practice.pdf But his real name was SHIPMAN, not SHIPLEY en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Shipman
@ggram0551
2 жыл бұрын
Prof. Vaknin, Please excuse the novice nature of my question. In regard to Shipman, by him referring to himself as Shipley when he was committing murder, would this be viewed as him being in a dissociative state. Or, would it/could it, be viewed as DID? From my novice understanding, I'm aware that DID, (if the new DSM is still recognizing this as such, if not, I'm referring to this d/o as when it was listed as a "disorder," in older versions of the DSM), is considered to be quite rare. However, I'm curious to know what the criteria are to distinguish a temporary "state," vs a "disorder," and if the atrocity of acts committed during either, (such as what "Shipley," did), assists in rendering a differential diagnosis, (officially), or assists in subjectively making a deferential theory. However, I also realize one's actions, (irregardless of their sinister magnitude), could also be classified as moot points as they could be viewed as collateral damage in relation to the underpinnings of the person's rational, (or lack thereof), as to why they performed such an act? Ie; a BPD and a NPD performing similar malicious acts, (due to being "kissing cousin's," of the cluster B family), however with differening "rationale," (I use that term very loosely), as to why they did what they did, and with differening hopes on the outcome(s), as well as responses to the outcome(s), but with all the aforementioned being grossly similar, (ie; destruction via distruption and analyzing their quality of new supply, however with the BPD needing "a savior," in their love bombing stage vs the NPD's need of adulation, during the same stage).
@chiliart8056
2 жыл бұрын
I have cat and my art that's ok.Im avere for long time that Im not gona live "normal"life .
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
@@ggram0551 I think he was trying to conceal his tracks. More like a grandiose primary psychopath.
@ggram0551
2 жыл бұрын
@@samvaknin Thank you for the response and clarification.
@19valleydan
2 жыл бұрын
@@GODHATESADOPTION Yes, the same thought occurred to me when I was watching this.
@kneelb4zod784
2 жыл бұрын
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone” -- Robin Williams.
@professorchaos9
7 ай бұрын
Brilliant
@pete5668
4 ай бұрын
One of my favorite actors.
@samir9924
Ай бұрын
Well said sir
@flowergrower1247
2 жыл бұрын
I knew from a very early age that I was hated by my older siblings due to jealousy. They were not kind to me nor did they interact with me in a positive way. I could not understand what I had done to deserve this treatment and as a result I was a lonely person. After my mom died, I severed all ties with them and I am learning to live my life in peace and have several real sisters that are not genetically linked with me however, I am loved by them and I return their love. I have fought mental illness all my life, mainly depression, but I am feeling well at the moment. I have learned to be strong.
@Riya-ok6wh
Жыл бұрын
Some relations are thicker than blood
@whygohome172
7 ай бұрын
You're amazing! 🎉❤🤟
@melanie4926
6 ай бұрын
It took me over 50 years to understand the scapegoat position I held in my family. So much confusion in my head for so many years. I am in the grieving stage now but I feel free. Blessed.
@flowergrower1247
6 ай бұрын
@@melanie4926 You are not alone. There are hundreds of us "scapegoats" walking on this planet and once you make the decision to look after yourself first, you will be free. Leave the bullies to find someone else to pick on. You are beautiful and deserve love!
@melanie4926
6 ай бұрын
@@flowergrower1247 no contact was the best decision I could have made. Life is getting better each day.
@presidentamanda7468
2 жыл бұрын
The problem is that mentally ill people are often forced into society because there is so little support. We often cannot withdraw because we need to get money somehow to pay for basic needs. Also- mentally ill people are more likely to be victims than perpetrators. A lot of mental Illness stems from being a victim of some sort of traumatic event or stressors beyond their control.
@ellenbruckermarshall4179
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly! And we are thrown into the pool of they that prey on us, especially CPST on Autism spectrum.
@deepachaudhury4336
2 жыл бұрын
My husband and family hurt me for 54 years
@bake_free_nl8749
2 жыл бұрын
True 😢
@bake_free_nl8749
2 жыл бұрын
@@deepachaudhury4336 I am so sorry. Sending you lots of love dear. It's time to choose ourselves for once. We carried a hell of a lot burdens, guilt, pain and still do. While trying to manage all life's resposibilities. Feeling like a failieur BC it's too much. See this message as a sign that you deserve to have room to breathe. And to work on yourself + what you are good at. NOBODY can decide for you or me, if healing is possible. What healing means for you, can mean something totally different for me. I know 1 thing though, we made it through the valley of darkness and we are still standing. We are STRONGER and FASTER and WISER and...... have a LOT TO GIVE & DO here on earth. We, the survivors, have the power we earned, THE COMEBACK POWER AND THE POWER TO DECIDE FOR OURSELVES. You deserve love and every day you are healing yourself. NEVER FORGET THAT. "Never allow Some body elses opinion of YOU, to become your reality " Think for yourself. 💯🙏❤🌟
@lovelv1278
10 ай бұрын
Sorry but becoming ABUSIVE is a CHOICE . STAYING ABUISIVE IS A CHOICE!!! not all abused ppl become abusers .I didn't! My covert malignant narcissist mother chose to become ABUSIVE & remains abusive in fantasy that NOTHING IS WRONG W HER . & has destroyed my life at every turn to smear my name & PROTECT HER FAKE IMAGE . stop w the enabling bs .
@archangelrach1359
2 жыл бұрын
Wow, thankyou Prof Vaknin, you have just validated me after finally ending my relationship with a very mentally unstable partner who I tried to fix, save, repeatedly forgive, understand, beg to go for therapy, all the while being on the receiving end of his abuse and projection. I gave up after the last psychotic episode and before I myself was damaged beyond repair. The partners and loved ones of the mentally ill are frequently overlooked and are often washed away in the nightmare floods of the mentally ill partners chaotic emotions xx
@smilersmiling
2 жыл бұрын
I’m glad you got out. You cannot fix these people. Don’t think of their potential it was never a thing that could of been realised. They don’t see love and relationships like adults. Their minds do not and will not ever function in a way that allows them to have healthy adult relationships. Learn to love yourself and learn to not get involved with people like this again
@archangelrach1359
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks James. All the best.
@gnomiefirst9201
2 жыл бұрын
@Archangel 777 so true, the ripple effect isn't a ripple, it's a Tsunami, especially for ppl that are dealing with their own lower level disorders like me. Take care of yourself.
@AmericanMuslimTV
7 ай бұрын
I’m dealing with it now. Trying to figure out the best way to get out of the relationship
@cindy6576
2 жыл бұрын
I had a couples therapist diagnose my ex husband as “anti social personality disorder” and worked with us every two weeks for many years. Recommended we have another baby bc that is a a “project” like the other two babies that we worked together as a team. I could have been out and safe a decade earlier if I had received a second opinion earlier. The new one told to take the first bridge out, she didn’t care how just when. Immediately. She even collaborated with an attorney to help him understand he was a sociopath and more than capable of pedophilia and referred ny children to the sexual abuse council while we were still married. I did file 6 months later. Sadly, she had missed he was sexually abusing our child for years while working on “conflict management” in sessions and giving me tools to take separate cars to social events due to his “ episodic “alcoholism. She admitted he lied like he could breath, even when it was useless to lie just for fun, “clandestine” and manipulative BUT he was a “great provider”and a “family man.” It was devastating. I told her later what she had missed and enabled. She said he was good at “duping” others. Now there’s an adult child who is successful professionally but struggles severely daily with a history of repetitive, long term sexual abuse in his own bedroom. I am bot sure he should ever marry or have children yet he’s a very good and kind person. She thought the reason my husband slept with his child, then 5 years old until 11 years old, was because he was possibly repressed homosexual or bisexual and preferred to sleep next to a male and it was comforting for him. He married me because I would be a good mother., as uou me times, he was a respected doctor who was a sexual abuser. She either followed the money trail for frequent sessions for years or was impressed by his charm, sacrificing the lives of children. She always commented on his charm and charisma. I was able to get out before the younger two were sexually abused overtly and long term . I vetted therapists for my destroyed child recognizing the facts you stated in this video.. I even told her my young child told me about dreams of “daddy rubbing his pee pee” She said that she didn’t think my husband was capable of sexual abuse. I believed her. The second opinion met with him. She stated if there’s not significant improvement then 6 sessions are her limit. She was mortified by the amount of sessions we had gone to together and she even had me come separately since I was the most dissatisfied in marriage and had a sexless marriage. She’s meet and bill us twice a week or couple and individual. Her answer to him having no interest in sex with me was to suggest an open marriage so I could get my “needs met”. She said I was very attractive and capable of getting needs met outside the marriage with an agreement .” He agreed. She asked if he was gay and his reply was “not that I’m aware of.” The issue was her ability to keep us in the books for many years with glaring problems and anti social personally disorder. Back then, I didn’t have Sam Vaknin or any internet resources. I did read books towards the end when my instincts finally emerged and I felt like I needed information and maybe a second opinion. Thank you for making this loud and clear. I hope it brings awareness to others and prevents damage and fraud.
@vicpicksinvesting5380
2 жыл бұрын
That child will suffer. Help the child now
@deliamariaalandetemanotas4931
2 жыл бұрын
Your story plus Sam's point of view freeze the blood. How can a psychologist be so blind and irresponsible. God bless you and your kids
@annetg5470
2 жыл бұрын
They make a good bunch of money and don't care whether they're capable of helping you. With complex problems with a complex disturbed toxic partner/ hubby; you need to find an exceptional qualified and wise therapist. I've never been able to find one! Except videos like Sam Vaknin that explains everything we should have known for fort + years. How different our choices would have been ! Now we can only pray to minimize the damage done to our children.
@brendaplunkett8659
2 жыл бұрын
Going to couples therapy with a psychopath will kill you. It gives them more fuel.
@cindy6576
2 жыл бұрын
@Nature of course! The 2nd child we aligned with homebirth and she thought it was a “project” we did well together. She literally suggested we have a 3rd. She also recommend the “ungame.” It’s a card game for couples and families. Yet she was okay with him being “clandestine and a man unto his own island” liar, “episodic alcoholic”, she was not opposed to his self medication with prescriptions or daily marijuana use (he was a surgeon) as that was a moral difference issue. She thought he was getting his needs met outside the marriage and might be bisexual or gay. Then in next breath, you two works together on the baby common interest. I gave her what I call the exit interview. She said “well I think your husband is a sociopath.” Back then, very little was written about it (2002 to 2006). She was liberal and later I realized specializes in gender and sexual identity. Even so sympathetic toward a man who sleeps next his son? Suggests pregnancy to a lying, questionably bi or gay, substance user? When I confronted her she decided he was an opportunist who did whatever pleased him despite the Riggs or feelings of others. Whatever was pleasurable at the moment: man woman or child.
@Langolin1998
2 жыл бұрын
I have told my mother, bluntly, through the years, that she should have not had children. She did more of a disservice to us, than good. My sister turned out a covert borderline, and us other children (adults) have struggled in other ways, to find our way in the world with her as our highly malignant narcissistic/psychotic mother. So sad that kids are subjected to these kinds of upbringings.
@bertnorticus1662
2 жыл бұрын
I hope you get the therapy you need. Took me years to get to a point where I was at peace. Deemzz is where it started for me...not the same for everyone though good luck ✌
@Langolin1998
2 жыл бұрын
@@bertnorticus1662 thanks. The first step was finding out and realizing that she wasn’t just a “mean mom.” Growing up we couldn’t figure out why our mom was so different from our friends’ moms. It wasn’t till adulthood that we discovered the depth of her illness. Was like being raised by Mommy Dearest’s evil twin. Then I had to accept that my sister developed her own illness/disorder because of it all. I’ve had to cut several people out of my life to get rid of as much toxicity as possible. But you still deal with the aftermath of the destruction they cause. Family or not…they have to go, in order to get peace. We need to take care of ourselves and take every step possible to not pass the damage or the traits, on to our own children. I became the opposite of everything my mother when it came to my kids. I had to break that cycle!!! Blessings to you too 😊
@bertnorticus1662
2 жыл бұрын
@@Langolin1998 same here, she refused to speak to social workers and so on...but yeah you're right, cut anything toxic from your life, I had to recently cut a friend...better than falling out with him. You've done so well, you should feel very proud of yourself. The cycle of abuse ends with me too. 😊❣
@Langolin1998
2 жыл бұрын
@@bertnorticus1662 thank you. And you are so correct. So sorry for your experiences too. We all know life isn’t perfect, even raised by normal, loving parents. But disordered parent(s) can really take their toll on you and when you’re young, you don’t know what to and not much you can do. By the time you’re grown, so much damage has already been done…years of turmoil behind you. My ex was a covert narc and abandoned four children. The lies he told regarding that were ridiculous, now that I’m out and away. But they’ll have you believing their stories in the beginning, until everything else about their lives don’t add up or make sense. Insidious, draining and every evil…people!!! Knowledge is strength 💪
@bertnorticus1662
2 жыл бұрын
@@Langolin1998 💪 fuck covert narcissists...we know things people shouldn't, thank you for sharing.
@badgodable
2 жыл бұрын
I am severely ill mentally. I am also good artist. Thank you for helping me SO much with this video.
@Bojan_V
2 жыл бұрын
Hi. What kind of art do you like? Painting, music or something else?
@dankthinkeralex5653
2 жыл бұрын
I dont think theres anything wrong with certain non malignant disorders like anxiety or autism spectrum disorder from seeking relationships, especially with each other. Nobody is perfect after all. And the current normal is nothing to be proud of anyways.
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
I agree fully.
@markeric1337
4 ай бұрын
@@samvaknin Thank god, Sam. I mean, you scared me a bit here. I was misdiagnosed as having GAD at the age of 17 until I finally got fed up with not much progress with therapy. I finally decided to do a full clinical psychologist 2-day assessment, which came out with ADHD and ASD, at the age of 43. I'm 43 now. So, I have friends who love and care for me. I hurt nobody, and I respect my friends and partners. I am seeing a clinical psychologist who treats ADHD, ASD; and borderline. Simply because I just spent 3 months engulfed in the most horrific relationship of my life; a petulant borderline. I was smart enough to get out quickly after I spotted the borderline traits, which I knew nothing of before. She did some serious damage accidentally in that short period. I do feel that she should have been institutionalized back when she was 16 when she took to the streets. She just simply causes excruciating pain in people she engages with. This is more what you are talking about?
@IsaLisa23
7 күн бұрын
Exactly true. I don't agree with his harsh judgment. I guess he's never experienced any life crisis or chronic pain/injury which can cause normal anxiety/ depression, like half the zombie population
@Cc07
8 сағат бұрын
@@IsaLisa23he has mental illness and has discussed it. What’s troubling is he often contradicts himself and makes absolute statements. I think the very predatory violent parts of mentally ill, kinda agree with him but he starts out saying even the most mundane and basic disorders. He says in a very broad way that there’s basically no hope for any form of mental illness. If he believed this then he wouldn’t be preaching on this channel, he would be sequestered and isolated from us because of his own mental illness. I don’t get it because he makes some great points but I keep running into him contradicting his statements all the time.. maybe tis apart of his disorder idk but it’s definitely extreme what he’s saying. His stigmatizing language and imagery is saddening. I can reason some of it but not entirely.
@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301
2 жыл бұрын
My therapist was one of the few good ones. He told me in my third year of seeing him that because of my trauma my identity will never be clear. I will never have a clear idea of who I am. I can stop looking for part of me I lost as a toddler.
@joolzali4209
2 жыл бұрын
What kind of trauma did you go through if you don’t mind me asking? Because I’m soul searching now and I cannot find answers
@Tluv_1955
2 жыл бұрын
U need Jesus , In Him we are found !
@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301
2 жыл бұрын
@@joolzali4209 My babysitters father was closet pedophile. He raped all the boys under his daughters care. I left my body during this experience and only about 70% of my sense of self came back.
@lisabaginski9155
8 күн бұрын
This is the most passionate and lovely prayer and plea I have ever heard. It is the most sane thing I have ever heard. It’s a blessing. Thank you.
@Tend2Rose
2 жыл бұрын
This is so true - thank u Sam for being so honest. I was with my ex narcissist for 5 years and I was very happy before i met him. Thought I had met the guy I would spend the rest of my life with. I am no longer myself. I suffer from anxiety, sleep problems and I seem like I lost myself due to the abuse, manipulation, projection, lies, triangulation, future faking, push pull, verbal abuse, sexual exploitation, porn addiction, weed and alcohol addiction. The betrayal and destruction of my spirit from this mentally ill man has changed me forever. They cannot and will never be normal - they will continue to hurt others for the rest of their days. They are all out there and lurking on date sites - I will stay alone until I heal. I don’t want another relationship.
@viajandocomaPatty
Жыл бұрын
I am on the same page you are. No relationships until I have given enough love to myself to the point I am healed.
@Jenga_Henga747
Жыл бұрын
I promise you God will heal u in your reach out to Him. I experienced a similar situation and can promise as time goes on it gets better.
@alias701
Жыл бұрын
Take responsibility for yourself. As a free person no one has to be in such a relationship (except you really are locked).
@Jenga_Henga747
Жыл бұрын
@@alias701 I see what u mean but these people put up a front for who they are. You can blame a vicim for falling into a trap.
@Rubyrun2068
Ай бұрын
@@alias701 Not always, some take away your choice. With stalking, physical abuse, near imprisonment. My ex is in jail
@lightgrey5365
2 жыл бұрын
harsh but i see your point and it feels very sobering and liberating actually. my life is being destroyed by this dream of being normal. im not investing in my talents because of it.
@lightgrey5365
2 жыл бұрын
im autistic by the way. it's not a mental illness per se, but it's something i can't change. all my cousins are autistic as well.
@Suskinwalton
6 ай бұрын
Same. Harsh, but necessary.
@luckystone2293
Ай бұрын
I know your comment is old but you are so damn right. I was the oldest daughter of dysfunctional family and as soon as I started to realise my family system was messed up I would desperately try to fix myself and make myself normal. Only now, some 12 years later I realise I should use what my traumatic childhood gave me. I am a natural at taking care of people, I can solve complicated issues, I read people's emotions and can drive situations towards the best resolution, I organise the great trips and find the best deals, I am great in emergency and don't break down. The key is to stop fighting the nonsense fights. You were traumatised (which is what most of these mental ilnesses are)? Throw the bad stuff, keep the good because it is there whether you are ready to admit it or not. Don't fight with yourself. Instead, grind and polish yourself into the version of you that you want to be. Slowly but surely. Another advice I have is pay attention to your body and take care of your body. We often hear it all starts in the head but I noticed I can often control my thought process, but when my body gets an adrenaline or cortysol shot it's too hard to resist. Don't stress yourself and your body unnecessarily. Uninstall social media. Don't eat crap reguarly, don't take any substances, no alcohol, not too much caffeine. Exercise or at least keep moving. And don't compare yourself to anyone because they did not live YOUR life, with YOUR family/care system and YOUR genetic makeup.
@beatrice349
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, Sam sensei. Sometimes the pain of being no contact feels just as painful as being with them but your body knows it has to be this way, to stay away for homeostasis. And if we go back, as their successful social standing can be a palatable way to deceive ourselves then we have learned nothing of this life lesson. The need for us to sometimes put ourselves first for the sake of sustaining and preserving our own health, sanity and humanity, even if we love them.
@michaelangelo6661
2 жыл бұрын
It's amazing how you said that therapy only works on healthy people. People only change if they want to, and if a mentally ill person doesn't want to change... You'd think therapy is for the ill yet only healthy people are aware of their need to change and are willing to do so. Therapy for the healthy - ha!
@linberg5443
2 жыл бұрын
💯 You are almost always totally on the money Sam. I have so much respect for people who choose to remain childless or single. They know themselves well.
@qitae
2 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately it wouldn't be the narcissist who goes to therapy to hear this anyway, it will be the person with anxiety who might be pretty harmless. I wonder why mandatory mental health screenings aren't a thing for certain professions
@michaelstevens9109
7 күн бұрын
Sam Vaknin... i have listened to 100s of hours worth of your videos.... i love how brutally honest you are about all your talks.. You really helped me heal and recover after a relationship breakdown.
@522beatsprod.5
2 жыл бұрын
I want to thank you for this. Fr. I had the worst episode of my life today. And I said how I really felt. I was sad and that my dreams were dying. I don’t have a mom or dad at all. And I was screaming about it till the point of the police coming. By the time they came I was just chillin crying with no sound and I asked them to leave I just need ten minutes to recollect and proccess. They gave me my ten minutes and I took the bus home. I was so stuck on the family dynamic that I’ll never have. I’m glad you said the hurtful things I needed to hear, because I was tired of the therapy fixes you, I’ve been in therapy since I was 6, and everything you said here I’m going to apply it to my life. I need to focus on what I’m good at. Thankyou. And I’ll keep my episodes at night or go to the escape room if my anger is to powerful. *for those who want to know, escapes rooms have destruction rooms, that are safe for everyone, it’s 30-50$ but it’s worth it to have a safe space to be angry and break things without breaking the law, or hurting others. You just have to schedule ahead of time.
@DavidWalleStreet
2 жыл бұрын
I’m only halfway through your video and I understand, I get it. Still, I’m thankful I’ve had the guidance from two specific professionals who helped me over many years how to cope, understand myself, care for myself and make realistic adjustments accordingly: not being so emotionally invested when I shoot for the stars yet learning how to push myself when I’m believing the worst. And I’ve learned the food, exercise and mindset can have a tremendous effect on mood disorders, i.e. I don’t believe everything I think or feel. Lastly, even a small amount of alcohol can be devastating to someone like myself. And for some of us, that’s only the beginning;-)
@lucillepassos3135
2 жыл бұрын
One of your best. Thank you Sam. I've been following you for many years.
@antoniodrosario8057
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video Professor Vaknin. Watching your content lead me to taking actions from developing relationships with unhealthy people I live with in a homeless shelter but also with women I dated that were narcissists and even my own family. Its been painful for months having to accept this but I've always known this and it's that psychology can't fix the worst of mental health as it is but what it has available makes a huge difference through how you teach it and if I can mitigate my anxiety somehow by how I think temporarily it helps tremendously. Not only did I realize from what you teach that if I'm still capable of making choices they would be revolved on how I choose to live the rest of my life. Now the future rests in me accepting that for my health and for the health of others that superficial interactions with people are probably the only thing I'm capable of having. My parents are twice my age and are in a shared fantasy and I lived in it my whole life. For me to try to take them out of that delusion would be abuse itself. It took my ex narcissist to abuse me with truth to push me to see what was behind my own delusions and since then many of those delusions that held my repressed pain haven't been able to come back. I can't say I'm better but accepting what's in reality is far better for a healthier future than rejecting reality.
@zhollamychalis4252
2 жыл бұрын
That was absolutely brutal. Especially for one who has both an Axis and an Axis II. Please sir...keep it coming.
@juiceknot
Жыл бұрын
I love this channel. He’s honest. Save yourself. You cannot save them. It’s like the zombie show, The Walking Dead. Once you’ve been bitten, there’s nothing anyone can do for you. Game over.
@hybridviol
2 жыл бұрын
best reality check I’ve ever gotten , regarding myself and others . Thank you Doc Vaknin
@lisabradley3987
2 жыл бұрын
I fitted the criteria perfectly for BPD as a young woman. My life was hell and I made it hell for others around me, including 2 husbands. Today at 54 I appear to have outgrown all of the traits. I’m calm, level, no splitting and certainly no self harming. No drugs or alcohol. I no longer fear abandonment (it used to terrify me) Seemingly “normal” Is it possible to outgrow BPD? Have I just learned better coping mechanisms? I don’t see myself as cured, but I do feel and act very different now I’m older. Do you come across this much? I haven’t had any therapy ever. Thanks Sam
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
Do your homework and search this channel. There is a playlist dedicated to BPD.
@19valleydan
2 жыл бұрын
BPD can start remitting in the early 30's. Perhaps the brain heals itself over the course of time. Same with ASPD and men in their 40's. The latter was commonly observed in my work as a counselor in a prison.
@19valleydan
2 жыл бұрын
@@wildhorses6817 Those factors would be welcome and may indeed be helpful, but I think we also need to look at the idea that all organisms have a built-in maturational goal, so to speak. I can't prove this, but I tend to think that sometimes when the primary developmental pathways are blocked for whatever reason, that the brain eventually finds another way, although what was supposed to occur early in life and take a few years instead happens later in life after a few decades. Kind of like having to take the side roads rather than the developmental interstate, so to speak. Admittedly however, as I said I can't prove this. Maybe someday (centuries form now per Prof. Sam?) someone will.
@karek4635
2 жыл бұрын
I wonder if hormones were the underlying cause of the BPD symptoms all along. I'm guessing at 54 you have gone through menopause.
@myjoyisCHRIST
2 жыл бұрын
@@19valleydan I have struggled with mental illness for most of my life and I've had so much therapy. I've been on medication for nearly 3 decades and the only way I have improved is by seemingly trying to grow up and mature so I think you might be on to something there. It made me very sad to watch this video because it made me feel like we should just kill ourselves and save the world a lot of trouble, but I have realized that others are not only harmed by a relationship with me, they also have benefited, because I have good days, too. When I have difficult days they have learned empathy and patience so I don't believe those of us with mental illness should be discarded or ostracized like this video made me feel but I feel we have our place in society just like handicapped people. I heard someone say once if you have a handicapped child you should kill them at birth but I think there is a place for learning compassion and empathy with people who are less than perfect because not one of us is perfect, only Jesus. And I look to HIM day-by-day to walk in my healing. Doctor Sam says we cannot recover, ever, but we can still grow and mature as people, and our symptoms can be reduced. When we focus on building ourselves up increasing our maturity and self responsibility step-by-step we can learn those lessons that we failed to learn in our childhoods being raised by our mentally ill parents, and our children, if we already had them (as in my case) can learn and mature as well and we can help them on that road because we've been there been there. So I disagree with the premise that we are people to be avoided at all costs I think that is a cold and clinical and cynical view, lacking a heart, lacking compassion and totally devoid of any hope.. When someone has a spiritual faith they can have a hope that is beyond what a doctor can conceive of or provide so I would say that is an avenue definitely worth exploring for anyone reading my comment here.
@Alice77550
2 жыл бұрын
In a world where we believe we can fix or control everything, this is a stunning truth!
@dailypurity1576
2 жыл бұрын
I was lately diagnosed with CPTSD but the trauma is related to my childhood I suffered selective mutism, which was neglected and untimely diagnosed,untreated for years and I was left not talking for years , that caused a lot of confusion in my early childhood since I was not being seen at all even when I was being bullied because of the mutism.The deludedness was insane while I was being neglected . My family members are all ignorant and maybe even ableists they expect me to forget about it and move on and don’t show any emotional side to other people.But that was impossible. One time my mom forcefully hospitalized me to a mental hospital, I met psychiatrists who laughed and smirked when I was crying and not even listening to what I had to tell them .After that I started having panic attacks and autonomic dysfunctions for years I don’t know maybe because of the trauma and the distrust in humanity. I was totally sick for years and that made me vulnerable and sometimes aggressive but I wouldn’t have the energy to cause tremendous harm. Being weak for years made me severely depressed , I also have learning difficulties , and that’s why I find it difficult to function in workplaces. I have experienced being a waitress overseas and stuff but honestly I sucked at it . It’s weird how a person who used to have selective mutism worked as a waitress but that was how much I was being ignored and pushed and forced. I’m slowly healing and I’m able to meet friends once or twice a week .But I’m not able to function in society well, I have learning difficulties and depression. I am now learning about selective mutism and early developmental problems to share my experience and awareness and that is all I can do rn.
@Bojan_V
2 жыл бұрын
I wish you a complete healing and a happy life! You certainly deserve it...
@dailypurity1576
2 жыл бұрын
@@Bojan_V Thank you, you're very kind.
@brainiac31K
2 жыл бұрын
I am curious to hear what you would say to those of us who grew up with a mentally ill family member. Is the illness or disorder “contagious?” The after effects of growing up with the scars and fears developed from growing up with a mentally ill sibling, in my case, have hobbled my attempts at a decent life as well. I married a partner who was mentally ill, although quite devious in keeping it from view for the first years of our marriage. I’m old, my family is gone, my spouse is too, the echoes are fainter but lasting. I’m glad I cannot have children.
@williammcarthur1966
Жыл бұрын
Was it a brother or a sister, John? I'm 30 years old and I think I'm permanently fucked up by having a fucked up sibling
@brainiac31K
Жыл бұрын
@@NateEylar My ex made fun of my spirituality so I’m enjoying returning to my daily prayer and meditation routines. A return to peace.
@mariemarie4275
2 жыл бұрын
Thank u very much for this- i came from a disgust family being the 2nd youngest of 11- i was the patsey for all of them. I disowned all of them but suffer tremendously 4 it.
@monavis2356
Жыл бұрын
Man, I love you. This is so true !! My parents should have never ever gotten into a relationship and had kids !!! I am breaking that F***king intergenerational cycle !! It ends with me !!
@KarenKeating-t2p
6 ай бұрын
Me too my friend 💜 We're actually the lucky ones. Everything in their world is upside down and inside out. Let them untangle their own mess ✌️
@monavis2356
6 ай бұрын
@@KarenKeating-t2p I agree. I'm just glad I don't have a child and this ends with me. My brother has done the same. Thanks for your comment.
@KarenKeating-t2p
6 ай бұрын
@@monavis2356 I chose not to have children when I was a child. Couldn't bear the thought of someone that I loved feeling suicidal like me. Turns out to have been the best decision I ever made. No guilt. I wish you well on your journey 💜
@monavis2356
6 ай бұрын
@@KarenKeating-t2p Me too, I was 3 when I knew I'd never want to have kids cause I love them so much and would not want them to experience such neglect. I am 45 now and it has been the best decision I ever made. I have 11 god-children whom I love to bits and they keep me busy from time to time. All the best to you too. We are fortunate to have access to such priceless knowledge and experts like Sam
@borg-borg-2015
2 жыл бұрын
Here I would like to be a bit more somewhat careful about topics like 'isolating' - who will do the diagnosis, who will measure - who will decide that someone should be isolated, and how much isolated. I agree for serious cases, but what about ones on the middle part of spectrum ... how should we deal with that. I have had some experiences with unhinged people, it can be very exhausting and traumatising, thus I much prefer staying with sane naturally. Being surrounded with sane people can be somewhat healing, provided that the sane people are emotionally and rationally intelligent and aware of the issues, and have enough resources and patience to deal with occasional weirdo.
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
I am talking about self-isolation and about the need to avoid mentally ill people in daily life - not about mental asylums and concentration camps.
@TheRealOMT
2 жыл бұрын
Is it mental illness or just not fitting in a sick society? Maybe it’s mental strength 😜
@SixteenVoice
2 жыл бұрын
This is also my question. I hope the Dr. can consider this in the future. In the same way he mentioned the idiot American idea of curing all illness, there is a lot of mental illnesses that are only mental illnesses in North America, Eastern and Western Europe, Australia, and Israel for instance, but not in South East Asia, Africa, South America, and the Middle East. The reason being how different the way of life is in these areas. The concept of stress, anxiety, and triggers, for instance, manifest much differently in group A than in group B.
@nathansmith-nd9nq
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for giving it to us the way it is Sam ! That why I appreciate this channel so much . Your work helps me and people understand things that are so criptic and complicated . So a big thanks for your amazing work .
@brendaplunkett8659
2 жыл бұрын
I had no contact with my narcissistic father for 30 years. My children never knew him. I feel I saved them from the crazyness and generational abuses that would have been afflicted on them. They are generally well adjusted people. I had some good therapists to help me tecover.I wish I knew about Dr. Vaknins work. I would have made it easier. He, my father, died recently and I feel so relieved he is gone and cant infest and molest anyone else now.
@juliesummerfield5404
2 жыл бұрын
I tell you all this good information comes to late, I really need help when I was younger,so Iam running from the monster of my misfortune 😢 I keep learning and keep running.
@mormontomormon8976
2 жыл бұрын
These comments are astounding. A wake up call to the Therapy Industrial Complex! Thank you all for your candor and humanity. Sam, how do your comments relate to what you previously said about temporary self states, particularly with regard to CPSD? Thank you so much for any reply or response. Wendy
@erinmorrow5001
2 жыл бұрын
Brilliant ! THANK YOU for the confirmation.
@trulysovereign7837
2 жыл бұрын
This is the reason in mental health case management when they are inconsistent with their goals, I do not take it seriously but wish them well.
@warilaetamaraye8712
2 жыл бұрын
This help me to heal, help myself, forgive those who hurt me!
@SpiritDestiny
5 ай бұрын
That was hard to listen to. As a daughter to my mentally ill mother, it's definitely not been easy. She has spent most of my life in & out of the hospital, under sections.. However, I am here & some of my biggest lessons in life are directly from my upbringing with my mum. She taught me independence, self care & resilience, which continues to help me now as an adult. She has full-blown psychotic episodes. And it's incredibly sad because I do love her so much, but I do keep a healthy distance for my own wellbeing & need to protect my children. It's not easy, but I do think that you can still love & care for a mentally ill loved one with boundaries. Also.. through my own experience when visiting my mum in hospital, I've met some of the most loving, creative, hard-working & decent people. Some people were under section due to burnout, loss of a loved one & various traumas.
@philosopher24680
2 жыл бұрын
Ideally, we would have gradually intensive lifelong management of symptoms depending on severity of the pathology. Going by Kernberg's work, those PD's with the highest level of personality organization (such as Depressive-Masochists and high functioning Histrionics) would have limited mandatory check-ins/therapy and just be encouraged to simply not take certain specific jobs, "relationships" may be feasible if the partner knowingly accepts them as they are, but they would have to be warned first. The next level of disorganized Personalities (Agentic/Communal Narcissists, Passive-aggressives, some Sadomasochists, Hysteroids, etc.) would have more regular check-ins and "relationships" should only be encouraged (though not mandated) with compatible personalities (forms of codependents and other PD's). More jobs involving power would be barred. Potential partners should be given a more severe warning of the PD they would be involved with. Supply would be offered to help internal regulation of emotions. The most dangerous and lowest level of personality organization, the Primary Psychopath and Malignant Narcissist, I'm honestly not so sure what's to be done, it would obviously be logical to have them housed away from general society akin to a cushier minimum security prison but I don't know how defendable it is apart from my selfish desire for self-preservation. At the minimum they should have the greatest restrictions on jobs that deal with others. The borderline seems to be oddly largely treatable, on the other hand, but would need mandated therapy. None of the above should raise children. This would probably be as close to a solution as we could get today in a utopia with enlightened and empathic citizenry, heavy investment in medical science and advanced diagnosticians. In our world your solution is the much better one.
@LC-qi5ff
11 ай бұрын
Thats the course i have chosen. Isolation, no relationships, job without colleagues. Cant wait till i dont have to work anymore, then my isolation will be complete.
@narctroopersnarcissisticab3244
2 жыл бұрын
What you said about the Narcissist resonated with me because my ex husband within PT is an artist. He does the most amazing work I’ve ever seen and then he goes on to self sabotage and ruin it by doing terrible things to it to make it better. It is hard to watch. But I think you’re right. We need to practice radical candor and tell them straight up what they are and what they can be. He can be an artist. He can have casual relationships. He can convince himself he’s the victim hero in the story. But he can never ever be normal and his attempt to be a normal husband with a home and a job was 16 years, a failed experiment, and abysmal failure.
@11Deigratia11
2 жыл бұрын
If there’s one expert in the industry worth paying attention to, it’s you, Professor Vaknin. I just wanted to comment that your views remind me very much of Foucault’s History of Madness. He notes how madness only came to be seen as an illness with the emergence of the Age of Reason, where industrialization, science, and logic rules. Before, in the medieval ages, madness was left to the realms of divine providence, and the mad were seen as connected to dimensions the rest of us could not see. I just found it interesting how as the Age of Reason progressed and crystallized into an age of global capitalism and technological consumerism, so has madness crystallized into an i escapable madness of the self that threatens to devour everything in its wake. It makes one wonder; how did the ancient peoples deal with the mad? What did they do in comparison to ours, and was it better. By god, if one does exist, I hope I get your thoughts on Foucault one day. Your sharpness reminds me of his.
@friedose4099
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Vaknin. I feel understand.
@SuperScorpiorising
Жыл бұрын
Totally agree! Accept, adapt and modify if possible. Work on their strengths. Thankyou Sam x
@lismmoreau5554
2 жыл бұрын
I needed YOU to say that! TY! VALIDATION!!!
@sars11able
Жыл бұрын
Oh my god, this video hit me so hard I almost started crying.
@IrinaPoli-c8q
5 ай бұрын
“Things as they are…” as always…thank you…
@Aditya-cs2jn
2 жыл бұрын
Professor, where does concepts such as post traumatic growth and resilience come in the equation with reference what you say here? I'm unable to integrate these ideas
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
They come from the commercial scam called "therapy" and the pseudoscience called "psychology".
@Aditya-cs2jn
2 жыл бұрын
@@samvaknin thanks Professor
@spiritualone1
2 жыл бұрын
I Appreciate you telling us the Real Truth. Thank you
@natebliss5656
2 жыл бұрын
Only the person in charge of their meat suit may decide how to get on living in spite of their past problematic behaviors. Good luck fellow pseudo scientists and spiritual people 🙏 amen
@mariaalforque6430
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your video! No wonder seeing psychologist is so expensive 😫. And my trauma is still there in my brain. You are a genius 👏
@ericwelvaert4780
2 жыл бұрын
I'm a 55 year old autist. When I was finally diagnosed 4 years ago, I was very glad I never been in a relationship. I always knew I was different,, and I didn''t want my children to suffer like I had.. This vidao, however painful, confirms what I have been thinking all of my life. Thank you.
@ericwelvaert4780
2 жыл бұрын
@@sunnybein1 I understand your point of view, but there is a reason why autism is included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
@dankthinkeralex5653
2 жыл бұрын
@@ericwelvaert4780 Yes I have ASD and know this is why everyone hates me. I am glad I have my GF though and will be quitting my job by next year to live with her, so I dont need to interact with others anymore. I wont have to be reminded of my inferior existance anymore at my stupid job again.
@abhishek-px4jj
4 ай бұрын
Thinker is the thought, observer is the observed, analyzer is the analyzed - Jiddu Krishnamurti
@iron8201
2 жыл бұрын
I have OCD and my life is a living hell, but I dont want to harm others, or I am a danger. But OCD doesnt go away, I go to a therapist but nothing works.
@RockShowProductions
5 күн бұрын
The only therapy that works is exposure, and likely just like you I am to afraid to do that, so it never gets to much better, we just get used to it as we age, and learn to cope sort of, I’m 31 now. In my opinion Sam is talking about mentally ill people who are dangerous to others in most of what he says. OCD doesn’t really affect other people, other than I suppose we can be dependent at times.
@RockShowProductions
5 күн бұрын
Exposure therapy may help us to not meet the criteria for OCD as defined in the DSM 5, but we will always still have symptoms and be prone to relapse.
@graveallure
2 жыл бұрын
I gave up and went into seclusion at age 24. I am bipolar one. As much as this sounds hurtful and offensive, I knew procreating was wrong and that my mother should not have done it. Though I question just how many are mentally ill. Like, the vast majority probably in one way or another? Suicide is most merciful and if this man is right, it should be assisted and legalized because not having love but living anyway is not possible. That is what "normal" people can never know. Having a pet does not compensate.
@dalirusia6457
2 жыл бұрын
Great video. Question: how should high functioning person with anxiety disorder fulfill their needs for relationships? Anxiety in particular is not a threat to others, do you have any advice on this subject?
@simplyMrs.
2 жыл бұрын
@@NMTDelightfulMusic this is really good advice
@lostlands42
2 жыл бұрын
Outsiders will think this is cruel, but they mostly have no idea how hard it is to live with a schizophrenic parent being bullied and treated like shit most of the time. I could write books about it. Happy moments were rare inside our home. And I am glad to be concieved but I don’t even wish my worst enemy the hardships we’ve been trough and my mam, she was treated so bad and since he passed away we learned to know a peaceful life again. Though we loved him in a strangly divided way, we were always in extreme fear. My god it was an aweful violent man and no could help us in any way to stop it Please isolate them for all the futures loving human beings sake
@mobwatch8119
2 жыл бұрын
There is one question with regards to hypothetically restricting people's rights based on their mental health - what would that make the rest of society? Would the "normal" ones actually be normal if they had no empathy whatsoever towards those with mental illness? It's a bit like discussing the death penalty; taking one murderer out of the world while creating another one in the same instant.
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
I am not advocating taking away their rights. I am saying that therapists should be honest with such patients and actively discourage them from seeking "normalcy".
@mobwatch8119
2 жыл бұрын
@@samvaknin Thank you for clarifying.
@janettrimble2950
2 жыл бұрын
I Love your honesty. I have just gone through this with my team of mental health therapists. I have told them to tell these clients THE TRUTH, I was apauled at the opening lines by some Uk therapists to atherapy online group that went like this " We dont know but if you do this pre education it will get you off the DM5"- it does not get any worse than this. They are setting these young people up with a life time of failure this telling them this rubbish. They through me out!!.
@cbotello009
2 жыл бұрын
Wow! I can't wait until the APA gets ahold of this video. #stigma-breakerRevolution
@Watermelonn8990
2 ай бұрын
Thank you. It's so good to hear the truth plus good sense.
@cbotello009
2 жыл бұрын
This could be the start of the 'stigma-breaker' revolution. 🤗
@gregknight1294
2 жыл бұрын
This is a life saving video!!! And I’m very experienced! Thank you sam!
@bookofnarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
So true. It applies not only to psychiatry. Some problems can't be solved - people tend to reject this fact. Similar case of that sort is PT (physio-therapy). They lure and exploit people who want to heal something that cannot be healed (like spine or joint degraded).
@nunyacarrie8135
2 жыл бұрын
Sam, it's easier said than done, when somebody is you. What if your illnesses are addiction to love and life?
@Jazzmarcel
Жыл бұрын
im flabbergasted!.........i have a suspected BPD pregnant girlfriend who is 8 months and I've spent the three months with her in a vert uncomfortable situation with the mood swings.
@alanmcbride6658
7 ай бұрын
Good luck Jazz.
@Jazzmarcel
6 ай бұрын
@@alanmcbride6658 thanks!
@ethan2776
3 ай бұрын
Thank you! Powerful ending.
@jamesmitchell652
2 жыл бұрын
Twenty-three minutes of wisdom!
@warilaetamaraye8712
2 жыл бұрын
This makes a difficult listening! Only because its brutally true!! Oh prof Vakni! How i am blessed to be in your lecture room!
@eduardopismel9961
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much Sam
@harremsis
2 жыл бұрын
Wow... So radical acceptance, huh? I find this view on the one hand very freeing. On the other hand, humans are social creatures, even - or rather especially - narcissists. What happens to them when they can't be in close relationship with other people?
@harremsis
2 жыл бұрын
@@kuibeiguahua I'm sorry to hear it. Try connecting with like-minded people. Enlist in a course (sport, language ... whatever suits you). Being lonely is unhealthy on many levels. I wish you the best!
@harremsis
2 жыл бұрын
@@kuibeiguahua Yeah, that sounds nice. Never be afraid to try out new things :)
@anemon1900
Ай бұрын
forced isolation breeds mental illness
@kathyhansen2820
2 жыл бұрын
Problem is, here in the USA we have hipaa that allows the mentally ill to have protection, privacy and the laws allow them to raise their children. sucks
@DedHedZed
2 жыл бұрын
Wow this was depressing.
@maatlove597
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Sam 💕
@delilah6390
2 жыл бұрын
Cold hard truth that needed to be said
@clairemildon1397
2 жыл бұрын
I was told I am an entrepreneur have no education or cash I have depression and anxiety and have been raised by a narcissistic family I was there whipping boy I have been learning about therapy to rescue them
@Alice77550
2 жыл бұрын
Professor Vaknin, would you include depression or anxiety in this proposal?
@vildanb8038
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your efforts!!! Great info
@williammccandlish4743
2 жыл бұрын
This is absolutely brilliant! Bravo!
@lauragm239
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your content❤️❤️❤️❤️ ❤️
@taniaearle4457
2 жыл бұрын
'Give me the Boy"
@janeself9827
2 жыл бұрын
Good advice!
@dianamelendez5464
2 жыл бұрын
Amen!!! Thank you for the truth
@kevangreenhalgh9806
2 жыл бұрын
The bitter truth, is better than a sweet lie mr.vaknin.
@christinawagnerUXDesign
Жыл бұрын
I agree. That’s why I emailed you. The merry go round ….
@stoicfreediver
2 жыл бұрын
Excellent 👍🏼
@farinshore8900
2 жыл бұрын
Well said! thank you sir
@deepviolet7982
2 жыл бұрын
BRAVO!!!!
@renatapeters3681
Жыл бұрын
Omg, thank you!
@magorzatawysocka-gola6368
2 жыл бұрын
🎯 sir. God bless you ♥️🙏
@deepwaters7242
2 жыл бұрын
Wow I feel like my life is completely useless now
@karenhaig1080
2 жыл бұрын
It would be great if therapists could get behind this but it will never happen. sadly the ambulance has to remain at the bottom of the cliff.
@antanz1967
Жыл бұрын
Thank you 😢
@kellykajander3115
6 ай бұрын
🕵️♀️NOT 2 SAY THERE'S NO PLACE 4 COMPASSION...BUT MY LIFE WAS ALMOST NOT WORTH LIVING...I WOULD ALMOST NOT WANT IT AGAIN IF I HAD 2 GO THRU IT...AND I KNOW 4 A FACT THERE R ALOT OF BROKEN PPL WITH HORROR STORIES OUT THER WHO R TAUGHT 2 FAKE IT AND PRETEND IT'S OK ...IT IS NOT OK...I AGREE 100% WITH SAM V...RIGHT EN POINT
@MsOdingod
9 ай бұрын
Great video!
@richardswarbrick3482
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Sam, What you say in this video has such a ring of truth What are your thoughts about Rapid Transitional Therapy. My ex Narcissistic partner I see is now an RTT therapist which seems to fit your thesis.
@whygohome172
7 ай бұрын
What would become of all the institutionalized mentally ill?
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