One of my earliest memories is sitting at the kitchen table with my mom, my sister, and my brother when Tinkerbell appeared on the wall as a glimmer of light. She danced along the wall, and when she disappeared, the three of us kids started clapping our hands to make Tinkerbell reappear. The fact that my mom was trying to restrain her laughter as she used a butter knife to reflect the sunlight onto the wall was lost on us. Such a happy memory.
As little kids, we thought my mom was a pushover. When we faked being sick, there was no verification, no temperature checks, we were given a couch in front of the TV, and waited on hand and foot, and my mom would sit with us as we watched the "Price is Right.
I'm shocked that the school never called asking why we were so sick. Or why we were so good at guessing prices.
I know now that my mother always felt that her babies grew up too fast, and when we were sick, we needed her again; she liked the feeling and responsibility of being a needed, loving, mother; So it begs the question. Are you fooling someone when...... they know?
When we got older, we discovered we were dealing with a Brooklyn girl who was one of the first women to be admitted into the all-male business program at St. Johns and was one of the first female marketing executives at BBDO. She prioritized having a career over marriage after watching her single mother struggle, eventually proving that she could make it on her own. When she was to wed my father, she simply inform her dad and walked herself down the aisle. She was no pushover.
My mom was also known for leaving a Christmas tree up for way too long. She loved the holiday. And even more so, she loved sitting down on the couch by the tree at night and talking about current events with my dad.
The first Christmas after my father passed, she would sit in the living room, looking at the tree with her glass of wine as if she was still in deep conversation. A few weeks after Christmas, my brother and I took down the tree, and as we shoveled up the pine needles, our mom walked into the room. She gave us a sad look, and with watery eyes, said, "why couldn't I have just one more day?" and stormed out.
From then on, Kev and I just set up an artificial tree and let it stay up as long as she wanted.
After she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she was upset. To help cheer her up, I brought up that Tinkerbell story. I told her that I think of that moment every time I see a small glimmer of light. She retold the story from her perspective, said, "You kids were so stupid." and started laughing.
She went on to say, "I used to think the time when your father and I first moved up to Larchmont was so hard, but looking back, those were fun times. I miss that time."
She went on to tell me that she spent a lot of time NOT doing things she wanted to do because of what other people might have thought. As she looked back, she said, I don't even know where those people are, and even if I did, none of them even matter; Don't make that mistake.
When your sister Married Adrian, I met a lot more people in Larchmont, and they were so nice. They were also so supportive of Suzanne and the Walters after Adrian passed. I am really glad to have met so many lovely people up here.
She continued, "John, the best decision I ever made was to marry your father and have kids". She started to tear up, "I'm so sorry that I am becoming such a pain for you and Suzanne." I stopped her and said, "Mom, you have always been a pain for me and Suzanne." She laughed.
So that became my goal. Try to keep my mom laughing. When she forgot that Kevin passed, she asked me why he didn't visit; I'd just tell her funny things that Kevin did as if they happened yesterday.
A few months ago, she became unresponsive. I told her she didn't have to worry about us anymore. She raised some good kids and that we can look out for one another. I then said, "just to be clear, I want you to know that I am the best one… And then I saw that smirk, a shake of laughter, and she opened her eyes. My jokes would either make her laugh or roll her eyes. Either way, if she understood the joke, I would know that she was still there.
A few weeks ago, we got her a small Christmas tree. Setting it up, I told her, "I'm sorry I couldn't get you a real tree; the home has a policy against keeping real Christmas trees up past March." She didn't look up; she didn't laugh or roll her eyes. Early Christmas morning, at 1:00 am my sister, and I got the call. I thought to myself, "Why couldn't we have just one more day."
Our mother made it to her favorite holiday. On She reconnected with my brother and my dad... who at the moment were probably conversing with Adrian about how Covid is affecting the economy. We are sad that our mom had to leave us, but we are happy it happened on Christmas. And when this stupid kid misses her, I'll look out for those little glimmers of light.
Негізгі бет Barbara O'Sullivan 1938 - 2021
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