I love how he makes every problem is own and starts getting mad at the person the questioners talking about.
@investigate3_11
4 жыл бұрын
I do the same thing. Isn't it natural to put yourself in the narrator's shoe? I thought that was common?
@anonymousbo0318
3 жыл бұрын
@@investigate3_11 No, its not. You seem narcissistic
@investigate3_11
3 жыл бұрын
@@anonymousbo0318 You seem stupid.
@collinjoey3931
3 жыл бұрын
i guess im asking randomly but does any of you know a method to get back into an instagram account?? I was stupid forgot my account password. I would appreciate any tips you can give me
@zanderraylan8518
3 жыл бұрын
@Collin Joey Instablaster :)
@Xcorgi
9 жыл бұрын
Bill Burrs patented "here's your box of shit and goodbye and shut the door in the bitches face" breakup. Classic!
@yossarian1633
10 жыл бұрын
Let her drive? Obviously Bill has never seen the movie Vanilla Sky.
@snatchadams69
9 жыл бұрын
Lmao
@ToGetToTerrapin
9 жыл бұрын
yossarian1633 or "The Godfather"
@Xcorgi
9 жыл бұрын
yossarian1633 Vanilla Sky was not a movie. It was a visual abortion.
@gart76
9 жыл бұрын
yossarian1633 that's what the suit is for didn't you listen?
@The_realist_realtor
7 жыл бұрын
bill burr never saw Vanilla Sky because he doesn't have shit taste in movies
@joseph6270
5 жыл бұрын
“Hey watch this”
@rowanb4395
8 жыл бұрын
All that advice.... Literally a fairy tale ending of doom analogy + 6 pack. Life.
@waddellkate101
9 жыл бұрын
Never ever stay with somebody out of guilt it's nothing but a dead weight where you just dread seeing that person and they feel like a burden on your freedom.
@AngusStewart01
8 жыл бұрын
So true
@wolfwithin2967
5 жыл бұрын
Absolutely
@michaelsieger9133
4 жыл бұрын
And you eventually grow to resent the person, it shows, and they don’t know why. It’s bad for both parties.
@purugigi
4 жыл бұрын
So true. Good thing I recognized that with my ex
@damo9961
4 жыл бұрын
All relationships become this though, it's called marriage :)
@frarfarf
9 жыл бұрын
Is Bill's generic impression of a woman the funniest thing on the planet? Yes, it is.
@charliehustlenflow
9 жыл бұрын
yes it is other barry, yes it is.
@frarfarf
9 жыл бұрын
charliehustlenflow huh?
@charliehustlenflow
9 жыл бұрын
i take it you dont watch archer. i highly recommend
@grungical
5 жыл бұрын
It sounds like jim gaffagins
@rsimmons41407
3 жыл бұрын
Is Mr. Burr the funniest comedian of all time? Yes, he is.
@Phamster92
10 жыл бұрын
I was dying at "You'll find out in 5 miles!"
@cronaldopwns
9 жыл бұрын
"Hey, watch this!" hahaha
@rowanb4395
8 жыл бұрын
+Deco20 If someone ever does that...
@ashkrikorian5753
8 жыл бұрын
+Deco20 That was the funniest shit ever
@winkles2314
8 жыл бұрын
That 'breakup suit' bit fucking killed me.
@dwprado25
8 жыл бұрын
Fucking hilarious!
@Ghost-fe1vp
8 жыл бұрын
I lost the ability to function for a few seconds.
@GAZAMAN93X
7 жыл бұрын
Ghost 1111 same. 😂
@cheeseonamonkey
2 жыл бұрын
I look it up a couple times a year
@dbfro1
12 жыл бұрын
"what is she gonna do, bodyslam you?"... I gotta be honest, there have been times where the post-breakup drama and guilt trips, incessant calls/texting, and awkwardness amongst shared friends just got to a point where I, if given the opportunity, would have absolutely taken one bodyslam instead of having to deal with all that bullshit.
@AyazyamMedia
9 жыл бұрын
Bill Burr is one of those guys who is funny without even trying...genius
@805fillmore
Жыл бұрын
yeah which makes him one of the greatest ever.
@definitelynotnolan
8 жыл бұрын
The next time I'm breaking up with someone, I'm definitely throwing in Bill Burr ads into it.
@D2attemp
8 жыл бұрын
I wish I listened to bill burr 5 years ago
@Tokengoldguy
8 жыл бұрын
+D2attemp Same. Look at it this way tho, people like you and I can binge watch this shit. I love this advice Bill is so good, looks at things from everyone perspective and doesn't jump to conclusions. Will kill to have a beer with the guy and a Cigar. Ohhhh Geeeezuusss
@phillytheflyerable
7 жыл бұрын
he should visit schools and give speeches to boys. men are worth more, but we settle for alot of bullshit because single men are considered to be werid losers
@jizzcupcake6323
6 жыл бұрын
Life lessons are learned here at the monday morning podcast lmao
@ryanralph7494
5 жыл бұрын
Right. I would of been divorced a couple years sooner I'm sure
@spg4770
4 жыл бұрын
D2attemp me too.
@gonzisonsbc
9 жыл бұрын
This is like dismantling a bomb. LOL
@brixtonmystery
3 жыл бұрын
SO TRUE 🤣🤣🤣
@kensokid6900
9 жыл бұрын
" this is all gonna make sense in about 5 miles".....LOL!!!!
@lucidstargirl
8 жыл бұрын
bill predicted macbook air.
@fuckgoogle792
6 жыл бұрын
Karin Castro Studio ive never owned an apple product. never will.
@einhornisaman2973
8 жыл бұрын
Bill cracks me up, he'll begin to give his thoughts on the subject and after a few sentences the ADD kicks in and he starts on complaining about other things, like his mind wanders. I'm the same way Bill!
@americaninsurgent4403
7 жыл бұрын
That's the best part... his side stories make it amazing.
@ValerieH2040
9 жыл бұрын
LOL The start with the breakup suit has me in tears.
@AngusStewart01
8 жыл бұрын
It's a smart idea
@VictorLopez-ht3nb
4 жыл бұрын
Jose Quezada you must be fun at parties
@lwnf360
8 жыл бұрын
"How awful were your parents?" hahahaha!
@oldmanfromscenetwentyfour8164
9 жыл бұрын
First off, male or female, DO NOT keep any, I repeat ANY of your personal shit at the other persons apartment, EVER! It's YOUR shit, it should be in YOUR place. None of this, "I'll leave a change of clothes here just in case of ..." or "I'll bring my DVD player so we can watch movies." crap. Your stuff will just pile up, making any breakup more difficult. And sure as shit don't move in together, "It will be fun, we can have dinner every night, sex any time and just think of all the money we can save!", that shit gets old quick and no one has ever saved money moving in together, one of them (man or woman, doesn't matter) eventually becomes the dead weight in the relationship and it ends up costing more. Keep your shit, keep your space, keep your peace of mind.
@SoularisSoul
9 жыл бұрын
+Old Man from Scene Twenty Four Thank you. I needed to hear that lol
@stuboy13
8 жыл бұрын
So how long before you broke and moved her in..?
@swill1020
7 жыл бұрын
Old Man from Scene Twenty Four ....this is excellent advice coming from a guy whom had lost more shit than I have space for...
@LuisMartinez-en8pf
7 жыл бұрын
Pure fucking wisdom
@mbelma6329
11 жыл бұрын
"Hey watch this" *rolls out of car*
@domallen1451
8 жыл бұрын
"when its sunny out and shes just aauueeegghh!" 😂😂😂😂😂
@sisepuedemaybe
9 жыл бұрын
Damn this was pretty mean even by Bill's standards lol
@DjProdigy909
7 жыл бұрын
The best advice ever. This was my exact situation and i finally ended it. Definitely a weight off my shoulders👌
@tinak.p.258
10 жыл бұрын
Did I miss something here? She's often depressed - he does not want to be with her anymore. Ok. But how does she suddenly deserve being insulted and mocked like that in the process - that's not necessary at all in a clean break up. And - by the way- I think it is bad style to let HER come to the house only in order to be dumped there. If you want to break up with somebody, have the decency at least to go to their (!) place so that they can pull themselves together afterwards in a safe environment, and you can also bring the box with her stuff with you, so that there is no need to meet up again later.
@MoonlightSnowPhantom
7 жыл бұрын
Tina-Karen Pusse Bills a comedian
@AustralianBushman
5 жыл бұрын
Tina's spot on. Just wish my ex's did the same!
@Shigellosis
4 жыл бұрын
Bill: "I need to stall so this could take as much time as possible" Listeners: _joke's on you I'm into that shit_
@film_magician
9 жыл бұрын
Someone tell Bill about the Mac Book air
@MisterBones2910
9 жыл бұрын
Film Magician Ah, but the Mac OSs are even worse than their mobile ones. Normally I wouldn't advocate someone buy one, but the Google laptop-things seem like they'd fulfill his requirements for a non-PC device quite well.
@Plinko779
5 жыл бұрын
REMEMBER it’s not WHETHER you break up with someone but HOW you break up with someone. Broken hearts heal, sadness fades but words stick forever. As a woman who had just been broken up with in the most brutal way, I am trying to understand the male mind and how some of them can turn around and just treat women like shit at the end. I didn’t lie, I didn’t cheat and I paid half of everything, if not more, from the first date. Even if it was compatibility issues I would get that but it was out of the blue and he ripped me to shreds which was completely unnecessary. He said some things I will never forget. He turned into a monster overnight, couldn’t spare any empathy for 10 minutes. I understand what people mean when they say they had their heart ripped out because that is what it felt like. I’ve given up believing there are nice loyal men out there. Men complain about women but is just as painful for women getting walked all over and then walked out on. Maybe I should just become a complete bitch, maybe that will make men stick around.
@timotg91
4 жыл бұрын
Plinko779 I hope you’ve healed since. Bless ✌️
@noushs8004
4 жыл бұрын
Never love him more than he loves you.
@patrickbateman7802
3 жыл бұрын
One guy was a jerk to me,time to hate men and be a bitch......good logic.
@tryambkesh2371
Жыл бұрын
Yeah bill here went completely out of his mind, what the fuck wrong that women (boy's girl in the letter ) do that he got so mad on her, just because she was depressed and going through a hard time, Bill fucked up in this one, if it was'nt his hangover he should hit his head with bottle, that girl is no dick here it is just that this guy ain't into her anymore and bill was being complete dick .
@peteranon8455
10 жыл бұрын
You put all of her things in a box, it's the only way.
@oldmanfromscenetwentyfour8164
9 жыл бұрын
Ship it UPS, be sure to include and invoice, have them sign for it. LOL
@MelodicMizeryPs3Vids
10 жыл бұрын
one last thing always dump a girl your not happy with because if you stick with her through her hard times, when she gets happy she will drop you quicker then a new york minute
@alwaysyouramanda
5 жыл бұрын
MelodicMizeryPs3Vids that’s specific
@freebee8221
8 жыл бұрын
Iv been listening so much bill burr stuff lately that im startin to talk like him.and I love it
@SteelerNationTX
8 жыл бұрын
Ohhhhhh geeeee zusssss
@AngusStewart01
8 жыл бұрын
I've been doing the same thing since 2013
@americaninsurgent4403
7 жыл бұрын
I noticed Im saying " fuckin " a ton more. I'm not even trying to either wtf
@bethdoyle1
10 жыл бұрын
when i listen to you i hear my self in most of your opinions, but fuck all that help for wounded warrior shit. they are hired killers. in england we have help 4 hero's it's exactly the same. don't help them. the government that employed them to kill should pay. if the government don't pay then that will send a message to any1 wanting to join the army, that it might not be a good idea. and then they will have less hired killers give the money to help the victims of war .
@crestview1448
10 жыл бұрын
Beth common, if there was a serious threat to your country and an invasion was taking place your "hired killers" is the only thing between you and death/imprisonment/rape/extortion/refugee status/etc.my friends in the military are against these government created conflicts that constantly take place. However, you are going to be praying to God to retract your "hired killer" statement if Russia, China, Japan, Germany, or whoever mobilizes and marches into England. An active military is necessary, and the troops have no control over where they are deployed or what orders they are given. I personally hate conflict and believe wars should be avoided at all costs, but you trashing men and women who risk and give their lives for your freedom is unacceptable. I hope you realize what you are saying.
@elishaclark1649
9 жыл бұрын
+Crest View - One does not simply march into England.
@scottsnbatalk3447
6 жыл бұрын
If she doesn't have a lot of things then pack all of her stuff in a box, and bring the box by her place. Talk to her and say I'm done.
@Servbot42
9 жыл бұрын
Lmao at 8:25 I'm gonna use an advert when I break up with the next chick.
@kylefer
9 жыл бұрын
L O L 8:20 Best Product Placement EVER!!
@mrjakenorris
9 жыл бұрын
Love the apple rant. Agree. Hey you don't need a CD/DVD drive. You don't need those keys on the keyboard. As long as it looks good in the shop. I don't mind a screen that's 1mm thicker.
@ethanzif9008
3 жыл бұрын
Bill was really on point with the iPad commentary. He predicted it.
@LegionOfEclaires
7 жыл бұрын
Oh my god. That breakup suit. Folks will find a reason to breakup.
@howyanow4810
3 жыл бұрын
'I know I'm breaking up with you but at least you can support the troops' 😂😂
@jaylenlegrant7742
3 жыл бұрын
That killed me
@devinplayseverything3764
3 жыл бұрын
This one made me feel good, dealt with a similar situation recently, glad to know Bill would have agreed with my decision
@matthewblanwilson
11 жыл бұрын
The fact that she is still depressed shows that no matter what you do isn't going to make her happy. I've been depressed before and got into a great relationship and was no longer depressed , I was on cloud 9 , though I was under the impression she was a good girl .LOL if their is such a thing !
@perculiarponcho1
7 жыл бұрын
'i know we're breaking up right now, but we could also support the troops'
@scoobynga8708
3 жыл бұрын
I love how he predicted the Mac book air
@TheSubmissionChannel
8 жыл бұрын
1:40 Apple® sucks!
@robbybolo9088
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you 🙏, so glad to have heard this. Going through a tough time and definitely needed to hear this
@dylanmason4235
9 ай бұрын
Did you bounce that whoooooor
@alasdairmacintyre9383
5 жыл бұрын
Bill they do make them as laptops. Theyre called laptops
@kreglfromworld
5 жыл бұрын
Lmao the way he painted the picture with the whole "I'm not happy"
@buttaonaroll
8 жыл бұрын
It would have been funny at the end, when he was making all those Disney references, if he added, "don't forget your glass slipper!"
@GoldGraffitiKing
9 жыл бұрын
by 3;30 your fuckin booze'n
@doshinall
10 жыл бұрын
Just trudge on outta here Cinderella, go look in the mirror, drop your hair out of a tower, whatever you gotta do...go kiss a frog. BEAT IT. Painful words...funny as hell though. People like that will drain every ounce of energy from your soul.
@_jadori_175
6 жыл бұрын
The "breakup suit" is soooo funny!
@zeldagoblin
8 жыл бұрын
True story, Bill. iPads are a massive pain in the arse.
@sweet_amir
4 жыл бұрын
if it's that important. just hire a small moving service. that's it.. googgle it, don't overthink it. it costs extra but worth it... just stfu and do it :D
@CosmosGamingChannel
5 жыл бұрын
The bad part of his break up suit idea is that some ladies would stop and floor it in reverse
@rellekc1986
11 жыл бұрын
I mean if that is the only shit you have had to deal with, I'd say you're pretty lucky...you haven't dated anyone completely bat shit insane lol.
@jsc5590
8 жыл бұрын
"Hey Toots, bend over...and use your knees"...pure gold!
@Mahmoud-ko9eb
5 жыл бұрын
I can tell Bill broke up with some violent girls in the past 😅😅😅
@atticus05
11 жыл бұрын
Ding dong, don't wanna date ya anymore, here's your shit.
@BrutalMonkey
6 жыл бұрын
This was the funniest shit I've heard out of all the podcast!!
@jacobp2690
11 жыл бұрын
*Super informative information* followed by "Ya know?" Kills me now that ive listened to him lots.
@jonfairbanks8717
6 жыл бұрын
You should look further into the charity you're promoting
@matternst2351
4 жыл бұрын
its all gona make sense in about 5 miles
@vanliferr4079
5 жыл бұрын
Breaking up with my girl as soon as she gets home... Wish me luck if I don't comment back call the cops.
@juniorflores4542
5 жыл бұрын
Ryan Cerda what happened?
@vanliferr4079
5 жыл бұрын
I'm alive and well
@leissadlae
4 жыл бұрын
Totally hilarious bill has been getting me through hell ! W/ w/ a smilelog term h*** apply his stuff all the time!
@claudefox2882
7 жыл бұрын
had iPad's....never again.
@HendersonHinchfinch
12 жыл бұрын
The part where he talks about putting on the break up suit and bailing out of the moving car is fucking priceless hahahaha
@johnnyk.2952
5 жыл бұрын
No offense, this is cruel. If she is going through a hard time, and you don't feel compelled to deal with her emotions, just break up with her. And stick to it. The nicest thing you can do is break up with her. You're not doing her any favors by sticking around when you don't want to. Just end it. She isn't an awful, horrible person, for being depressed. She just needs to go through what she needs to go through, but you don't need to be around for it.
@Reason_over_Dogma
12 жыл бұрын
Wow, this dude is in the exact situaition I am. I asked God for a sign..and I find this in my facebook feed(I never get updates from bill burrs facebook! lol)
@victorledezma6652
4 жыл бұрын
Bill getting upset at an iPad not being a laptop is the funniest shit hahahaha
@rcastellon55
11 жыл бұрын
"Just roll out of the car." Lol
@Reason_over_Dogma
12 жыл бұрын
she's going to kill him if she breaks up with it lol
@FatSack0fCrap
10 жыл бұрын
Apart from the depression thing, this is almost exactly the same thing I'm going through right now. Weird...
@fatchickenswitnoribs
10 жыл бұрын
same here 0_0.
@l3lackitty
10 жыл бұрын
Pretty much the same thing I went through last year. The ending was different, but the whole "she's depressed and I feel responsible" part is dead on.
@a.dude.washere
5 жыл бұрын
Dude, I just did this entire relationship & breakup. It's crazy.
@zarreff
4 жыл бұрын
A lot of women go to nursing school, that should explain it
@caltrof
12 жыл бұрын
"Those frosty fucking brews" That just made me thirsty
@datsweetsansabooty
7 жыл бұрын
Heeeey, watch this.
@Nerefurian
11 жыл бұрын
I stood and applauded when I read this comment. For truer words have never been spoken.
@prison_wallet_thief
5 жыл бұрын
Epic! "Lift with your knees"
@TheBattledamaged
6 жыл бұрын
Lift with your knees! 😂😂😂😂
@thedavecorp
3 ай бұрын
Alexa, increase playback speed.
@MFRedeemerp2
12 жыл бұрын
the 'break up suit' must be in bills live show
@nogoodgod4915
Жыл бұрын
The dude that wrote in is 33 years old right now.
@Xakslied
7 жыл бұрын
This was basically my ex
@johnnyarsonctXhc
11 жыл бұрын
'lift with your knees'...... oh, burrs a savage
@CamperCarl
Жыл бұрын
No joke, the whole "worst case scenario by (insert time here) you'll be past it" has helped me so many times in life it's unreal. And I have this red headed fuck to thank for it.
@Alex-mv7ym
8 жыл бұрын
lift with ya knees ovaa derrr
@SabbathSOG
3 жыл бұрын
You should not have a girlfriend under the age of 25. You should not get married under the age of 25. The rate divorce is for people who get married on the age of 25 is through the roof. And if your girlfriend comes over to your house make sure she takes a little s*** home that same day.
@Hitbound
12 жыл бұрын
Support the troops by breaking up? You are a genius!!!
@PreetyRA
11 жыл бұрын
6:16 they have professional break ups :D
@jasonzimmer7478
6 жыл бұрын
A breakup suit 😂
@lizh4933
3 жыл бұрын
DO NOT let her into your place unless you have a male friend as a witness. You have no idea how she is going to react. Carefully place all items in a box, photograph it before you pack it up and then leave it at the front door. No contact means no contact after the deed is done you wimp.
@misterperegrine
Жыл бұрын
8:55 “…I know I’m breaking up with you right now, but you could-we could also support the troops. M’right?”
@badbadmanly903
4 жыл бұрын
23, get more ass than a toilet. Hit the gym, play hoops, become the master of your profession, buy stocks...then be ready to get married and start a family in a decade or more. Best advice in the world. I followed it 40 years ago and have had a great life.
@OneEyedJackNLD
Ай бұрын
0:32 The break up suit
@AristotleFullThrottle
5 жыл бұрын
I love you. Bill Burr for President Jesus 2020
@danstone2226
11 жыл бұрын
Bill Burr should be the star of the movie The Breakup Service. How good a flick would that be? He should write that film and Nia could help him.
@SlickVega
12 жыл бұрын
"Lift with your knees" LOL
@royalslack
6 жыл бұрын
Best advice ever.
@seeker_-_
3 жыл бұрын
It's not the best idea to make someone depressed feel bad and guilty for being sad. They're in their own hell already, don't blame them for that especially if they're working on it and fighting this horrible sickness.
@maksymtt
5 жыл бұрын
I'm from the future. iPad isn't a laptop yet, but you can get a MacBook Air. Or simply a surface product
@traviscoates6878
3 жыл бұрын
“The Breakup Suit”! Classic...Put the helmet on, “I don’t wanna date you anymore” and roll out of the car!
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