My daughter , I’ve learned through 20+ years of drug abuse, has - borderline personality disorder and High Conflict Personality . I’m in counseling for a year now and I was thinking I was losing my mind and she was the cause. So I have to research other places. When you suggest I listen and ask what she proposes to do about her problem? I’m the target so her proposal - with no doubt -will be that I give her money, over and over, and she will come up with a elaborate story why I must give her my prescribed tranquilizers. She’s abused her prescription and I must get her what she needs. This has almost ruined my life. Now, she asks and I say no over the months, and she will ask again and again and upsets me and starts trouble with the family. So there is no suggestion that I present , because she doesn’t hear or care. As I said I am the #1 Target and tells stories about me to anyone who will listen. She’s a drug addict in denial - add the BPD AND HCP. She’s a stick of dynamite!
@Marcelube
2 жыл бұрын
I would recommend the channel shrink4men. Wishing you the best luck 🤞
@sebastianseb1233
4 ай бұрын
First think about childhood what you give her, why she go in the drugs most of cases all is about childhood.Parents blame childrens but that parents play a major role in shaping the personality and psyche ,they are often not emotionally mature enough to raise children and are busy with their careers. the child grows alone, rejected, feeling no love and closeness
@Victoria-gq8gt
3 ай бұрын
@sebastianseb1233 incorrect. Personality Disorder is from birth. They do not acquire it from the environment nor parental or societal influences. You are ripping into the commenter who has been torn apart by this abuser, so you are also abusing them. You victim blame. Also it is shown in studies that addicts have a different wiring in their brain making them susceptible to addiction. Again, from birth. You should apologise to that poor commenter for attacking them and further traumatising them. Did you not understand what the poor commenter was explaining? Your psuedo Freudian analysis belongs in the dark ages.
@olivegoddess1
2 жыл бұрын
Honestly, of all the interviewers of Bill Eddy, Tess is the best. You don’t talk for great lengths, only saying what needs to be said and offering interesting feedback when needed. You let Bill speak without so much (or any) interruption. You let him be the star of the show as a humble host. Thank you!!
@tessbrook7735
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much Olive, I greatly appreciated your feedback. With all my interviews I am keen that my listeners take away skills they can apply straight away. I will be interviewing Bill again in a few weeks. He has updated his book BIFF and we are going to explore it. I should have the webinar ready for registration tomorrow. Once it is ready I will pop the link in a comment to you. Thank you again. Cheers, Tess
@CohesiveConversations
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Olive, I hope you are well. Just incase you are interested I am interview Bill again next week. here is the link if you want to register. attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/3981749837234268943 I will be publishing it on KZitem as well if you miss the interview. Cheers, Tess
She's so beautiful. I wish I were famous in psychology so she could interview me too. Tess is very enchanting.
@Jessica-kk1cz
2 жыл бұрын
It’s unfortunate, but a few people really thrive on drama. To some extent, some of them are just bored and use drama consciously or unconsciously to entertain themselves, so fill their own heads with imaginary conflicts, etc. because it gives them something to think about, or as a platform to practice arguing. I’ve seen some people who are very anxious in general, and in a sense, overblow everything in their life so they can use it as an outlet to falsely "justify" their biologically-based anxious, angry, or depressed feelings in their brains. Others have issues like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (please do a video on that) and these thrive on drama because they enjoy playing their "role" in the often public drama, either because they use it to bolster their self-esteem, or they’re avoiding accountability. (These are the people who see everyone else as either ally or enemy in their "fight", and you have to always stroke their egos, and never tell them they’re wrong, or you’ll be an "enemy"). A few are truly psycho and view people only as tools to manipulate or control to get something they want. (These are the ones who don’t actually care about, and are never effected by, what anyone thinks about them, or what risks they take on everyone’s behalf - as long as they get or do whatever it is they want). Regardless, it’s exhausting to deal with high conflict people, especially for more than the short term. They try to make it "your job" to regulate their emotions. It keeps you from investing your time and energy on other productive activities and good people. Broadly, one should not be in a position to have to always be trying to analyze and work around these conflict-loving people’s emotions and schemes like you’re their shrink, or parent. You should also be especially careful how much you invest in them if they’re not trying to change, because then you’re spending your time and brain trying to be careful of them. Therefore they’re still controlling and manipulating you. In truth, they are responsible for managing their emotions - not you. Your time is better spent on positive and/or productive activities and relationships. At some point, you have to consider your own well being, productivity and weigh your options whether to stay in the situation. If someone(s) is emotionally self-indulgent, self-absorbed, illogical, not forward focused, and if they have no motivation to change their behaviors (for whatever reason) to those of mutual respect, then pivot. Instead think about what is healthy for you and others like you. Most importantly - watch what these toxic people DO, not what they SAY they will do. Watch for gaslighting. Its true what they say - ACTIONS speak louder than words in terms of behaviors and motives. That is how you really know, even if they say they will change, whether they’re really putting forth the effort. Its sometimes not worth the argument- because the argument itself for these people IS the reward. Make preparations. And then leave, and cut off all ties. If they’re someone you work with, even a boss, and you want to stay, document their behaviors and go to your HR department - the issues need to be documented there as well. This step is important for them to take steps to deal with the person and help the team and the business. Be specific about these inappropriate actions or behaviors, keep emails, meeting notes, witness accounts, and system records. Explain the business and employee and team impact. It’s worth noting this will take HOURS of work over the course of time. And it will likely be your personal time because you still have to fo your job effectively. If, even after turning this in to the HR dept, the company does not take action, decide if you will stay there or not, but at least there will be a record. If the other people are generally balanced and healthy and positive, and you therefore you decide to stay - these recommendations in this video discussion are very helpful. But respect yourself, and respect other victims also, regardless of job levels, because if you don’t respect yourselves, then the toxic person won’t either. In short - the principal of healthy and solution oriented, interpersonal respect, and productive teamwork, is more important to any business than the position of the person - regardless of how "important" that person is perceived to be. In this day and age, some people put company issues on social media - be careful about that. Overall, sure, do what you can to change the relationship. But have a cutoff and don’t move it. If they don’t meet that cutoff, then cut your losses, and cut them off.
@Victoria-gq8gt
3 ай бұрын
Excellent discourse.
@candaceheidenrich6278
3 ай бұрын
Very strong overview and so glad you included work situations….lots of boundary bullies out there and high conflict drama creators…
@christopherwood5732
4 жыл бұрын
Great information! Small proofreading, meant to help (rather than trolling): ‘FAQs Shouldn’t you just let the person talk about their upset feeling to get them of [sp] their chest?’ The ‘of’ should be ‘off’. This doesn’t take away from the message or information, which is very helpful. Thanks! I bought one of B. Eddy’s books, and look forward to the next one I can get my hands on.
@channelv5085
2 жыл бұрын
Incredible teaching!!! Thank you so much, great learning…
@dubthedirector
4 жыл бұрын
Splitting is a Great book for people divorcing people like this, this guys insight is huge!
@tessbrook7735
4 жыл бұрын
I have not read Bill's book on Splitting. If it is as good as the others I am sure it will be outcome focused and practical. I just love the simplicity of his techniques. Tess
@FrizzelFry
2 жыл бұрын
This is great stuff - thank you
@tessbrook7735
2 жыл бұрын
Glad you found it useful. Cheers, Tess
@walker11288
2 жыл бұрын
Just read Bill's book "5 Types of People That Can Ruin Your Life" and I believe my Wife is HCP with borderline traits unfortunately. She's left me and blames me for everything and refuses to put any work into saving our marriage/family. We have a 1 and 3yo, almost 5 years married. I really beat myself up at first but then some of her accusations make no sense, like some things she was almost projecting onto me to make me look worse in her mind. Bringing up things that erked her from like 12 years ago when we first got together. After a few sessions with a counselor and speaking to friends/family I think I've realised I'm not really the problem, I have become her "target of blame". She started seeing a therapist after getting PND and early days it was apparently all about her dealing with childhood issues mainly to do with her mum but then it seems our relationship came under question so she felt she had to get out to be happy again. Now she complains about not seeing the kids enough and I'm like yeah this is the nightmare I've been trying to avoid while on the other hand you've been doing everything to run away. 3 months in and I don't know whether to keep fighting for my family or to give up and move on. I'm in total despair.
@CohesiveConversations
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Walker, Your situation is incredibly sad. I encourage you to look after yourself and get professional support. I am happy to recommend someone who will help you work through those questions for you. Connect to me via messenager or email and I will provide you with the introduction.
@anandaurora
2 жыл бұрын
How do you even begin to get help for such people as they are not only inflicting suffering on their targets but are clearly suffering themselves, especially in difficult situations
@tessbrook7735
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Anand, that is a really tough question. The answer depends on many variables. What is your role? Are you their boss, peer or friend? Is your question general or more specific.
@anandaurora
2 жыл бұрын
@@tessbrook7735 Hi! The person in question is my wife.. and I'm the target.. her mission is to fix me, and every conversation is steered to that purpose.. She's highly stressed and upset easily
@TheSmith645
2 жыл бұрын
@@anandaurora sorry to hear that.... i can imagine the hell you are going through
@hermes667
2 жыл бұрын
I know some hgh conflict persons. Nice try to ask those: "So, what is your propose?" They would answer that the others should stopp making it wrong and do as they say. And if they are stupid enough to do as the HCP says, there is no way they would do it right. No way this works. How to threat HPC: Leave them alone. They need a psycologist and unless you are one, there is nothing you could do to help them with there disorders. There is also no way you could get them out of their blaming everyone else for everything, because thats part of their disorder. Tell them if they think everything is fault of someone else, except them, then they should fix every problem themself. They should always work alone, leave them alone with everything they might ask. I experienced this with a familie member and after a while of "left alone in the cold dark" he come down to a normal level. But since these HPC would refuse any psycologic help, it is no long term solution. They always will try agan on their behaviour, especially to those who are not aware of it or not willing of letting someone "out alone".
@CohesiveConversations
2 жыл бұрын
HCP are really tough to deal with. You are 100% right. Unfortunately, in the workplace it is almost impossible to 'leave them alone'. They are a part of our reality, teams and environment. In my experience some HCP respond to these questions. At the very least these questions may help avoid a full on argument. At times I've been on the receiving end of an attack, asked the questions and with no real success. However a day or two later they have come back and offer an option for consideration. On the other hand, I have simply had to apply my exit strategy and as you say and leave them alone. I am not psychologist. Nor do I want to be. Each HCP and situation is different and has to be evaluated at the time.
@dddamaged7501
2 жыл бұрын
Why questions put people on the defence, Chris Voss
@tessbrook7735
2 жыл бұрын
I agree Chris, if you ask the question, 'Why did you do that?'people tend to get defensive. I like to seek to understand and will frame it along the lines of 'Can you help me understand why it is important to you to do it this way?' It usually gets a different response. Cheers, Tess
@tobyevans6299
3 жыл бұрын
Tess has anyone ever told you that you look like Anna Paquin? I know this a very random comment :)
@olivegoddess1
2 жыл бұрын
Ha ha, I agree with you. They look a lot alike!And that’s a big compliment, as Anna is gorgeous.
@CohesiveConversations
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks. And no, no-one has told me that
@bass_journey
3 жыл бұрын
I think this is an over simplistic approach. This man has never lived 24/7 with an obsessive narcistic person. That might work, for work relationships when everyone goes home after 6 pm and there are some rules and boundaries.
@tessbrook7735
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Dario, Every situation and every individual is unique. It is a really tough situation to deal with. I hope you are able to love after yourself.
@bass_journey
3 жыл бұрын
@@tessbrook7735 Thanks for the replying. I don't try to be negative here, but just asking what is your proposal doesn't magically solve the problem. Might help for some short moments, but this sort of people, will learn fast your strategy and will figure out how to pick a fight again very soon in another way. I have a family full of psychopaths, maybe I am one myself, god knows, and I can assure you, that doesn't work. If someone is looking for a solution, this is very simple. Move away of your job, house, relationship. There's no fix. Unless you take this person to a psychiatrist and this person is actually aware of his issues and is looking to change, what is very rare.
@CohesiveConversations
3 жыл бұрын
@@bass_journey You are right they learn your strategy fast. The strategy aims to enable the other person to be a constructive part of their outcome. There are always those who won't and/or can't. If that is the case, self preservation is an imperative. If you can leave, (easier said than done) leave. You may find my Webinar / book EXIT, How to professionally exit a dysfunction workplace conversation helpful. It is set in the workplace. I know it is totally different than living with someone. Hope you are looking after yourself.
@bass_journey
3 жыл бұрын
@@CohesiveConversations Will definitely check your webinar. And yes, you are correct, leaving is easier said than done. Specially because toxic people normally are good at reading your weak spots and take advantage of them. But in my view, there's no other option. As you said, self-preservation, physically or emotionally, are imperative.
@tessbrook7735
3 жыл бұрын
@@bass_journey I hope you find it useful. Be kind to yourself Dario
@nazwaffen9219
4 жыл бұрын
If you doing live time😏 Why Shift-down👉If you did not Shifted down from the hiest🚗🚓. I'm down shifter, and Up Shifter on BS.
@angelariley5403
2 жыл бұрын
Mistakes are the best teachers. Oops, for some people I suppose.
@tessbrook7735
2 жыл бұрын
They really are the best... Nothing like experiencing it first hand.
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