Thanks for answering my question bro! I see what your saying and yes I'm using this as an avoidance towards the uncomfortableness of being a seperate self. I'm going in inquire about this deeply and maybe just let the uncomfort BE what it is. 😊
@difficult_to_describe
8 сағат бұрын
@@jaytruther1908 Awesome. Same here. Looking for a specific type of experience (a high one) 😂 Rather than being open to experience for what it is now. Deep Nondual awakening turns all of life into one big trip anyway which makes the drug high seem like one tiny, transient part of it 😄 When I had a Nondual insight whilst inquiring into the senses, my mind started throwing up, "did I take drugs earlier and forget?" or "did I get Ergot poisoning from the bread I had this morning?" lol. That's how trippy it was 😂
@jaytruther1908
7 сағат бұрын
@@difficult_to_describe 😂 I can imagine the mind throwing up stuff like that. It has to frame what the F is happening 😳 Thats spot on saying the mind is looking for a specific experience (being high) over what seems mundane and ordinary. The glimpse was trippy bro, watching arms and hands put food into a mouth which isn't even personal wtf 😅 The TV, walls, pictures etc seemed as one thing/essence. The feeling was of immaculate stillness and peace. I intuitively feel that stopping the smoking is the last imaginary hurdle in this made up process 😁 Ps Recently now and again I feel like I'm going insane. My memory is terrible, it's so bad I was "thinking" I could have early onset dementia 🙄
@difficult_to_describe
7 сағат бұрын
@@jaytruther1908 Yeah tell me about it my wife thinks I have dementia 😂 Yeah you'll probably find you'll need to move through some emotional stuff when you stop. It's kind of like an emotional painkiller/analgesic, when it's not there all the emotions come to the surface and it can be a bit intense, but it can be enjoyable too 🙂 With the glimpse, if you can sense that in your experience right now, even if it is subtle, then you can attune to that and it will take you all the way. The everpresent singularity of experience/existence with no object. Once it's been glimpsed, you kind of know it on a nonconceptual level, the mind kind of pisses about for a bit trying to objectify it with thoughts, but even the thoughts are made of it. It just gets less and less subtle over time and what you experienced before is revealed as the inherent fabric of experience all the time, no longer conditional ❤️
@jaytruther1908
7 сағат бұрын
@@difficult_to_describe That's awesome. Exactly, smoking weed in an emotional painkiller. I can sense it somewhat and now it's clear what's going on here. Thanks for today was a real eye opener and helped tremendously ❤
@onepartyroule
6 сағат бұрын
My mind is trying a new tactic to stay believed recently. It’s started guilt tripping itself. It’s content when I’m doing the kinds of self enquiry where the objective is to understand itself better and be a better person, but the moment there’s an engagement with the non dual the thoughts are all about “self abandonment” and “self betrayal” and spiritual bypassing etc. it’s like my identity’s lawyer is desperately playing the victim card, characterising the desire to awaken as some kind of viciously irresponsible impulse >.
@difficult_to_describe
6 сағат бұрын
@@onepartyroule 😂 I think as a general rule, the more ridiculous and desperate the thought defense the better! The sneakiest one of all is the subject thought, because it feels like the real context for the whole thought space :o
@onepartyroule
4 сағат бұрын
@@difficult_to_describe As in the observer/ witness thought? That resonates, yeah. It seems like the observer is responding to the mind activity and identifying with the emotional responses to some degree and sort of mixing with the identity and then distancing again. It seems like it mixes with identity when it talks about experience. It seems like that initial gap is becoming more stable, more automatic, but the one witnessing mind activity still has a sense of subjective “self”, like it’s a discrete “thing” that experience is happening in or passing through. It still perceives separation.
@difficult_to_describe
3 сағат бұрын
@@onepartyroule That all sounds good man. Yeah as identity thins, the thoughts become more existential and about experience. I noticed the same thing. It's like a deeper layer of thought :)
@Life_aka_Jason
5 сағат бұрын
Hi David- thanks for talking about addiction. I’m in recovery and have been involved in AA on and off for years. Since awakening, I can no longer believe in the concepts of the 12 steps and principles in the program. This has created a bit of a conflict for me. My addition was very severe and on hard drugs. I kept getting some clean time and going out because I hated living in self. I’m curious if you were involved in 12 steps and how/if you merged treatment for drug addiction and the awakening process. Thanks!
@difficult_to_describe
3 сағат бұрын
@@Life_aka_Jason Well having been through the programme and inquiry/awakening, I can see what the programme is intended to achieve. The 11th and 12th step being self inquiry and spiritual awakening, effectively ending the problem of self that created the need for addiction in the first place. Although the steps don't necessarily result in awakening, they provide a valuable approach at creating the necessary conditions. I can see the programme in a whole different light "post realisation", in that it's pointing to awakening as an end to suffering and dysfunction and suggests CBT style self reflection and spiritual contemplation as a means of creating fertile ground for a shift in Identity. Essentially, the way I understand it is the programme encourages the addict to disidentify from the thought based identity of an alcoholic mind and take a "step back" out of that dysfunctional subjective position. That identity loses its power and is exposed as nothing more than a thought. That creates the space necessary for the addict to "choose" not to act on those thoughts. It's like a form of awakening, but isolated to one aspect of identity in mind - that of the alcoholic/addict. I think more people don't have a radical shift in Identity due to the steps because it isolates and rejects a part of the mind made identity (addict) from what we feel like we truly are, but doesn't radically disidentify from all aspects of identified thought. So there is another identity there waiting to continue post sobriety, that of the recovered addict in many cases - or whatever else. It ends up being enough for sobriety and abstinence which is great for most people, but a solid identity structure can continue with a lot of suffering after recovery. For me at least, the pathology of addiction was never truly cured until the self was exposed as an illusion. Just not believing the thoughts telling me to use or drink wasn't enough for a full recovery, I had to go after the "me" at the core of the whole thing 😂
@Life_aka_Jason
3 сағат бұрын
@@difficult_to_describe yes, I totally agree. I like aspects of the program- the groups and friendships and comraderie and focus on spiritual growth. But it feels like now that awakening has taken hold, I may have “outgrown” the program because its goal, as you said, is to create another identity- the recovered addict. Because I see through this, I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to participate in the program for the benefits I mentioned above. I, like you, feel that the addiction problem is resolved, but for some reason still feel this conflict inside about whether to go back to AA. Thanks so much!
@difficult_to_describe
Сағат бұрын
@@Life_aka_Jason I wouldn't say it's goal is to create another identity, it's just that the focus is on addiction for the most part and the remnants of identity persist naturally, or did for me after getting sober. But I don't think it was intended as such in the beginning. Reading the book, it's pretty clear to me what is meant by "Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid". The wording is old fashioned and theistic, but to me that is pointing to awakening, or transcending the self. I wouldn't necessarily believe that if it weren't for the 11th and 12th steps plus my own experience with it. E.g. Having a spiritual experience through prayer, meditation and personal inventory (self inquiry), living life in service of others (metta in Buddhism), and getting rid of the self and personal will through surrender to the will of God (nonduality/no self). Its strange, after awakening and in hindsight, I started to see the expression of this understanding everywhere, even when it isn't intentional. At risk if sounding a bit wacky, it's kind of like you have a more conscious access to subconscious levels of communication/knowledge. I find it beautiful and masterful that in AA, there is - what I believe is - a semi conscious, collective expression of the Nondual teachings, applied in a practical and specific way. It just makes this whole thing more mysterious and amazing 😂 The only thing that comes to mind is that as someone who has experience with awakening, you can provide valuable insight and support for struggling addicts. The ability to transmit the realisation is a powerful thing. But I feel you'll express it in whatever way it needs to be, it's definitely not something that needs to be deliberated 🙂
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