fmil stands for future mother in law, because it's just their fiance's mother and they're not married yet
@jacefromanotherworld
9 ай бұрын
Thank u❤️
@chrissyswifey
9 ай бұрын
oh i thought it was foster mother in law 😭
@michaelsgotguts
9 ай бұрын
Actually it stands for fail mother in law Common mistake 😊❤
@shannond1511
9 ай бұрын
I thought they had said fil tho? Which would’ve father in law but doesn’t make sense.
@arch3r_istired
9 ай бұрын
@@shannond1511 i'm pretty sure she said "father mother in law" because she thought fmil just meant the father and mother in law
@Mushroompanda648
9 ай бұрын
My heart hurts for the lady in the second story. She needs to get out; her husband is horrible. She is in a very toxic, financially, and emotionally abusive relationship.
@TheFangirlOtaku
9 ай бұрын
My thoughts exactly. He was literally throwing a fit like an actual child about it, too. God I hope he either has some kind of epiphany or she runs like roadrunner
@madamemelone4947
9 ай бұрын
I think the same, it’s so outraging, I’m so angry for her…
@Hollyberrystreats
9 ай бұрын
She can't get out, that's the whole thing. She's totally dependent on him financially
@decrabtra
9 ай бұрын
The fact that he excepted any if the gift money he gave her should be spent on his present is insane to me :c that's not what gift means. What a gross manchild
@Magic_Skeleton
9 ай бұрын
@@Hollyberrystreats That's just what he wants her to think. My mom stayed for 25 years because she was worried she'd be broke and wouldn't be able to take care of us kids. When she finally had enough, it took several years to get out (slow legal system). But, she isn't broke, her kids are (mostly) fine, and she's better off for it. The big thing is: abusers prey on your kindness, so you can't afford to play nice because they won't offer you the same luxury.
@KayleeCee
9 ай бұрын
The story with the vegetarian lady who didn't provide a ham for her inlaws... It's SO refreshing to hear a story with a husband sticking up for his wife to his family. I've seen so many of these stories with pushover hubbies just letting their families talk down to and disrespect their wives. It's nice to see a husband who isn't about that nonsense.
@HumbleWooper
9 ай бұрын
I was thinking that too!
@kurjaesitys
9 ай бұрын
That OR their husbands agree with the family like in the first story 😭.. Thank god!
@devmatlock6890
9 ай бұрын
first thing i thought of
@diamondgirl698
9 ай бұрын
Yes 🙌
@HumbleWooper
9 ай бұрын
The coal-gifting one... there's an ugly immature term for it and it's called hazing. A "we were put through it ourselves, to be considered legitimate members of the group, so you have to too" mindset. OP should thank her lucky stars they're not married yet and run while she still can without kids or legal implications to think of, since the fiance's family clearly had zero problem treating her this way and the fiance himself didn't bother to (or didn't think to) warn her this was coming. Next time someone else new comes to a family Christmas, OP will 100% be expected to participate in the coal-ening. And if she gives an actual gift instead or warns the person it's coming, she'll be shamed again for making the rest of the family look like bullies (which they are). OP is very very much NTA, her future spouse and his family are.
@lpstigerlily8506
9 ай бұрын
The same thing happen to another redditors husband. It wasn’t a Christmas story but her father and other male family members would basically slash her fiancé’s tires to see if he would fix them himself instead of calling a company like “a real man”. They did tons of other things I can’t remember but one time they all went on a hike together or soemthing, and they took her fiancé’s inhaler and hid it from him. OP ended up losing her shit
@petrastedman669
9 ай бұрын
The coal story continues to drive me nuts. She got something for people, even the ones she didn't know well, and not *one freaking person* did the same for her. Even putting aside that he absolutely should've gotten her at least some kind of gift, the fiance could have (and should have) warned her about the tradition. Or make sure there would be some presents for her to take the sting out of it. It's a stupid and mean tradition. Do like one or two pieces if you feel some kind of way about it, then give at least generic gifts (candles, chocolates, a freaking gift card) so they don't feel picked on or excluded.
@ttintagel
9 ай бұрын
IKR? Warning her about the coal prank would have been the absolute bare minimum he could have done.
@hieithefox
9 ай бұрын
I already hate pranks at Christmas I have been on the receiving end before and they aren’t fun but the fact it wasn’t just one gift but 18 is even worse especially when she bought gifts for them
@kylawatts4427
9 ай бұрын
I'd also just absolutely hate being put in the spot like that
@yokaipinata1416
9 ай бұрын
That was pretty much the family version of hazing. I can't believe some people still get to excuse bullying as "it's just a prank bro/sis/sib" just because the target is new to the group.
@petrastedman669
9 ай бұрын
Thank you @@yokaipinata1416 Or the BS excuse that they just want to make sure the newcomer can "handle" the family. If you're a family that requires a steel spine, locked-down emotions, or any kind of 'special training' to be able to handle, you guys need to sit down and think about how healthy that is. You're supposed to be a group of people who care about each other, not a freaking frat house of mean girls and pranksters.
@ttintagel
9 ай бұрын
The thing is, if the parents had gone to the kids and said, "Hey, money is really tight this year and we can't afford to have the kind of Christmas dinner we usually do. Would you like to contribute some of your Christmas money to make it a nicer celebration?" the kids might have said yes. It would have been a lovely story to look back on when they got back on their feet, and at the very least the kids might have felt like a respected part of the family. Just snatching the money without even making the effort of asking is despicable.
@gwennorthcutt421
9 ай бұрын
i was thinking the same thing. treating the kids with respect and coming to a decision as a family would have gone over way better regardless of the outcome. maybe the kids would have happily given money and wanted to be asked, not robbed. maybe the kids dont care about dinner but just value their time together and tell dad not to sweat it. so many things!!
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
Exactly, children are people too!
@triciaboo1204
9 ай бұрын
Exactly. Things like this have happened with us! His fam are conservative Christian and we are unmarried parents so you can see where this goes. The kids are treated no different, but we are essentially given a lecture with scripture in a card and 100 bucks to get the kids more gifts. The check memo literally Says 4THE KIDS!! DO NOT USE FOR ANYTHING ELSE. which is embarrassing as fk to cash. So we asked if the kids wanted more gifts(they get 100s of dollars worth every year and brand new wardrobes) or did they want more necessity items, a nice meal that they choose(usually the kids choose a cheap pack of steak and a frozen salmon or shrimp tray so no complaints here as they have a great taste in dinners) and a special small toy or treat, and whatevers left goes into the piggy bank for fun activities/store trips. And they are always extremely happy already about the stuff they have so they have no problems with that arrangement and are none the wiser that we needed the help bc well their age. They don't need to stress like we do. Hell this year is the first year we aren't stressed about it bc our kindergarteners school provided canned goods and treats, a bag of gifts for operation Santa, and a 30 dollar gift card for fresh fruits and veggies. So the money that comes in for them this year is going treat to their piggy banks ❤😊
@darkshadowrule2952
9 ай бұрын
Not to mention he took TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS??? I don't even know how you'd make a Christmas dinner cost that much. Like he'd still be an ah for not asking first, but that just makes him egregious the ah
@GS-lq2is
9 ай бұрын
Exactly what I was thinking - he not only robbed them of their money, he robbed them of the opportunity to feel like they had really contributed and made a difference. What a jerk. (btw, I actually don't think he should have asked outright, but he could have said they didn't have the money this year for the usual Xmas feast and the kids could have volunteered the money)
@d.a.i.s.i.e.s
9 ай бұрын
I know supporting your spouse is the bare minimum, but in AITA, we see so many bad partners, that the Vegetarian husband was a freaking relief. Like what a king for telling his own family they could leave if they were going to be rude to his wife. Like, I love to see it, good for you buddy. As a vegetarian with a non-vegetarian family and in-laws, having a situation like that happen to me is a real fear of mine. Luckily I know my non-vegetarian boyfriend would either be happy with a vegetarian christmas or would make the meat based food himself. But it’s still great to hear of partners supporting each other over their families, when their families are clearly in the wrong.
@Rowan_bloodstone
5 ай бұрын
Not vegetarian, I don't like ham. But understandable
@smig2801
9 ай бұрын
I have a friend who is diabetic. He almost doesn't eat at parties because of that, he didn't even eat at his own master's degree graduation party. I made a sugar-free cake just for him when my family threw a party, I've never been seen him so happy.
@TheExvangelicalCat
9 ай бұрын
The coal one almost sounds like a way for this family to gauge whether or not a new partner will take abuse or not.
@Z3r0_g
9 ай бұрын
Message for anyone reading the comments: Christmas does mean family, but it doesn’t have to mean biological family. If you have toxic relatives that make the holiday season miserable, feel free to spend time with found family instead.
@Zectifin
9 ай бұрын
havent talked to my family in 12 years. Couldn't agree more.
@Imashixdhiwari
9 ай бұрын
It makes sense for people with allergies and such to bring their own food to family gatherings. Putting together a Christmas dinner/lunch is already a hassle, and the issue is that many dishes that don't contain allergens have to be made with different ingredients which even an experienced cook has to get used to. If it's a simple dish, then just make it for yourself and take it to the gathering, that way you don't have to miss out on being with friends and family. Same goes for texture problems, you know what you do and don't like, so it's better to learn to make the things you prefer and take those with you. It's not much different from a potluck, it's just that you're the only one eating your own food.
@sable1334
9 ай бұрын
There is something isolating about being the only person in a large group who is eating a very different meal. Sometimes it is necessary or practical or just unplanned. But it is decidedly not ideal and cooking for everyone else and expecting the other person to bring their own food with very little communication really leans into furthering that isolation. It is entirely reasonable to accept that others will bring food to a meal that you are hosting, but requiring some people to bring their own food mostly negates the point of inviting them to a meal.
@daenerys02
9 ай бұрын
@@sable1334i mean christmas gatherings can be very large, I've attended some with over 30 people and usually everyone brings something like a salad, dessert or beverages, or even divide the money that the meals cost between the attendants. I know it's a cultural thing where I'm from but expecting one person to cook and pay for many people seems like a lot to me, I already appreciate that they are offering their house for the gathering
@Imashixdhiwari
9 ай бұрын
@@rai1578 That's pretty much what I said, you should bring your own food because it's probably safer. Plus, regarding the special ingredients, those can cost a lot of money (even lactose-free milk costs like two times as much as regular milk, and almond/oat/coconut etc. Milks cost about three times as much, at least where I live). On the point of potentially feeling isolated, I can't relate to it and honestly don't understand it.
@daenerys02
9 ай бұрын
@@rai1578 i'm vegan and I agree it can be akward (mostly bc people start asking and arguing over veganism when I didn't say anything lmao) but like, suck it up. If you can't handle eating something different then you need to grow up a bit, and I say this as sometone who found this very hard as a teenager. You just learn to tell people to mind their buissnes I guess. Besides, if she asked for a different meal, it would have been the same (OP would eat something different than the rest of the attendants, the only difference being her MIL cooked it and not her.
@rai1578
9 ай бұрын
@@daenerys02 I said OP is the ahole. I said it's unreasonable to demand someone to make a whole seperate dish for you. I said OP shouldn't have made such a big deal about it. What part of me thinking OP is the asshole wasn't clear? Why are you arguing about what would happen if her MIL cooked something for her when I never said she should have, and in fact explicitly said that OP was unreasonable for demanding that and then making a huge deal out of it when MIL refused? Most of the comment was in regards to 'It makes sense for people with allergies and such to bring their own food to family gatherings.', .While that does make sense in and is more practical in many cases, it can also be a very kind gesture to make a dish or buy something small that the person in question can eat so that they feel included. It shouldn't be demanded, but it's a nice thing to do. The point was to encourage empathy and provide a better understanding of how it can feel to have extreme dietary restrictions, not to defend OP. You don't have to convince me that OP was the ahole, I already agree with you on that. I just think it's more nuanced than 'people with dietary restrictions should always bring their own food'
@CB19196
9 ай бұрын
The parents stealing that much money from their children just for Christmas dinner is ridiculous. You can have a nice Xmas dinner for cheap. Side dishes like corn, stuffing, and mashed potatoes don't cost much. And if they can't afford a ham or turkey, go a nontraditional route: a casserole, a pasta dish, or really any dish that the family likes. And don't invite others to dinner if you can only afford to feed your immediate family. They could even make it into a special one-of-a-kind Christmas dinner, like getting some cheap frozen pizzas and having a pizza party Christmas. I remember one year my family had had a difficult few months and no one was up to cooking, so we got Chinese food for Christmas dinner. It was actually fun doing something different and sticks out as a memorable holiday.
@lpstigerlily8506
9 ай бұрын
The funny thing about this is that they probably could afford a ham without, ya know, stealing from their children. Ham’s aren’t that expensive
@rat_in_a_bucket
9 ай бұрын
@@lpstigerlily8506 For a relatively small leg ham, it's like $30. Sure, It's not insanely expensive, but still expensive.
@emilyjohn2034
2 ай бұрын
@@rat_in_a_bucket for 4 people you only need a small piece of ham. You can easily can those smaller pieces for under $25 dollars
@rat_in_a_bucket
2 ай бұрын
@@emilyjohn2034 Maybe where you live... I'm Australian, so smalls hams are typically over $30...
@brittneyg6366
2 ай бұрын
I grew up pretty poor with financially irresponsible parents. Every single year, my brother and I looked forward to a breakfast of delicious homemade omelettes and a dinner of nachos. Both things we ate regularly. But we were excited to have ✨ Christmas nachos ✨
@Aqua-vf3jr
9 ай бұрын
About the first story, I think it's really about guest-culture. Because in Hungary, where I grew up, it's very rude to have someone come to your house and leave them unsatisfied with the meal. So if you have guests over, it's YOUR responsibility to make sure the guest enjoys their visit, and you have to serve them, almost like a restaurant. The guest doesn't have to do anything except eat, drink, and maybe bring a gift, depending on the occasion. But bringing your own food as a guest is actually rude.
@rosie2871
9 ай бұрын
not from hungary, but i 100% agree
@TitularHeroine
9 ай бұрын
I'm an American, and I was raised to behave that way as well. It would, though, be acceptable if a guest brought something. That usually would be to share with everyone too.
@DeadNotSleeping789
9 ай бұрын
I'm American, and I was raised in a similar way. Food isn't always served, but if it is then it is practically a sin for anyone not to have a food option.
@kaitlynispanickingatthedis3606
9 ай бұрын
i honesty would’ve made food to includ everyone . it’s just the right thing ya know ? some of these people do have rlly big issues with food we may not be able to understand ourselves but it’s still happening so let’s make them more comfortable
@Zectifin
9 ай бұрын
American here and I think it depends on if you are a repeat guest or not to the holiday. If its your first time attending your new families' holiday you were invited to, you either bring something if you are unwilling to eat what they are providing or you don't go if they are unwilling to make something else. Especially when its something like american thanksgiving or christmas where guests often offer or just straight up bring something without asking. Don't eat meat? bring a fake turkey for yourself and others can try it. Demanding people cater to you when you're new and then storming out is asshole behavior. Now if this was like the 5th holiday and every year they invited them and every year they refused to provide things that they are willing to eat, but still get mad if they don't show up is asshole behavior on the inviting party. My girlfriend was becoming vegetarian the first year I met her. the first time we went to a holiday at my family she wasn't fully commited so she just sucked it up and ate Turkey. Next year we brought a vegan turkey. After that my mom would make vegetarian versions of food as well as meat versions of the same thing whenever we visited. If you supposedly care about your child and want them to have a happy relationship and want them to every show up to your family holidays you'd do well to cater to them both, otherwise why shouldn't they go to the other ones family's holidays instead? Don't be a dick on the first holiday visit though especially if you're new to the family.
@bobanoda
9 ай бұрын
The second story is INSANE and I’m only through the first few seconds. I’m not working for a ton of reasons so we live on my partner’s income. Every month we both get our own allowances that are separate from any bills or expenses. That way we can save for gifts, buy ourselves anything we want and neither of us feel unequal. Also he has never hesitated to send me money if I’m out shopping on top of my monthly allowance. It was scary at first being financially reliant on someone else after years of working so hard but I think the way we do it and split responsibilities really works
@gabrielbruce1977
9 ай бұрын
Story 1: ... Complicated. But I have food allergies and deal with conflicts like this quite often. It's not unreasonable to NOT want to cook and bring something. It's alienating and lonely to be the only person who brought your own meal and can't touch what everyone else is eating, but it's also considered basic manners to do so if you have those kinds of restrictions. This was kind of a no-win scenario for OP. They could cook something and bring it and be alienated as hell, or they could do what they did and start a big fight by just turning around and leaving because your needs aren't being met. Story 2: That's financial abuse. And just abuse in general. HTA. Story 3: That's theft. The situation with your wife's parents is messed up, sure, but you don't steal from your kids. YTA. Story 4: If he wanted meat he should have brought his own ham. NTA Story 5: Christmas is not the time for a HAZING RITUAL????? NTA
@rosie2871
9 ай бұрын
i agree that the first story is a lose-lose situation. i think that if she didn't want to cook anything, she probably just shouldn't have gone
@juliweizen1759
9 ай бұрын
@@godofchaos9571Look, I would not expect anyone to cater to me, but please talk to a really picky eater for once. Being a picky eater is, in most cases, not someone who just has dumb preferences and doesn't like certain foods very much. I for example would very much like to not be one, but I am. There's nit a lot I can do about it, and I've tried stuff for years. For me (and a lot of others) it's not "uh, I'd rather have this instead of that, because I prefer that", it's "if one of the foods from this very long list of stuff touches the inside of my mouth, I'm gonna puke because it feels or tastes absolutely disgusting".
@gehadamr4137
9 ай бұрын
but your case is different. an allergy can literally have you end up in the hospital and is harder to accommodate if your house contains that allergen, but not liking something is very easy to accommodate as theres no health risk
@Hawthorn6852
9 ай бұрын
Honestly with the first story I don't understand the issue. Like getting up and leaving is rude, but a lot of neurodivergent people have intense food aversions that are more than just them "being a picky eater" and if this is enough of an issue that she got up and left she might be in the same boat. And like surely there's something she likes that everyone can enjoy, so why not just cook one dish instead of another? Or they could have even just had some bread out for her to make herself a PBJ or something, like that's something most people have, right? Maybe instead of getting up and leaving she could have asked them if they have a snack sitting around or something? I think in this situation everyone was a little bit of an asshole.
@gehadamr4137
9 ай бұрын
@@Hawthorn6852 honestly its so weird inviting someone and then not cooking something they can eat. like do they expect her to just observe them during dinner? if the mil didnt have energy to cook an extra dish then she could replace at least a dish with someone that she can also enjoy or ask her if to help her cook since its hard for her to cook an extra dish
@Random_aroace
9 ай бұрын
Speaking of the serving vegetarian, one of my classes was throwing a party before the break. I was in charge of the cake. I was super excited as I can’t eat wheat and that would mean I would get to eat cake with everyone. I also like to eat vegan when possible. So I spent like 3-4 hours making a vegan gluten and oat free cake! (It was very almondy) every one loved it so much and they were shocked when I said it was vegan and wheat free. Food can be tasty, just takes knowing what you are doing
@ttintagel
9 ай бұрын
IKR? So many people have this knee-jerk reaction to the words "vegan" and "vegetarian" and don't even stop to think about all the vegan and vegetarian dishes they already eat and enjoy.
@darkshadowrule2952
9 ай бұрын
It's always so wild to me because like, you're not gonna die from eating one ingredient restricted meal. Some people act like it's the same thing as forcing a vegan to eat meat or a crones patient to eat wheat, but like, NO. You're not breaking your ethical principles or poisoning yourself by eating a vegetable your body is entirely tolerant to 🙄 Like literally the only situation I can think where you wouldn't be able to eat a restricted meal is if the cook is like carb free or something and you have a medical condition like diabetes, but that's never a combination that these stories involve, it's always just weird entitled people
@Random_aroace
9 ай бұрын
@@darkshadowrule2952 well they knew it would be gluten free as I have a wheat allergy. That’s why I was in charge of the cake. I have lots of allergies haha
@vinespider9440
9 ай бұрын
@@Oishianicthey said it was really almondy so you probably shouldn’t make it if you’re allergic to nuts lol
@scatterbrain_jane
24 күн бұрын
That sounds awesome and so glad you could share! My Mums got her allergies sorted in adulthood, has a few difficult ones but has adjusted. She still cooks amazing, in my opinion, and baking desserts is no different. So good and I hope you always have people to share with ❤
@kitsunekun2345
9 ай бұрын
These stories make me so gad my family celebrates Hanukkah. And by "celebrates Hanukkah", I mean we have a family video call, email each other gift cards, and maybe all eat some form of fried potato product on camera together. No mess, no fights, no one has to host, and the only problem we've ever had is the four years we had to work around a major time difference when I lived in Japan.
@kathy__00
9 ай бұрын
The story of the dad taking the kids money remaind me about the time when my mom took the money I was saving and used it to finance going to an expo to show her work. She asked first for the money and when I say that I need it for my things and that she coudn't have it, she took it anyway when I was sleep. She never apologize for that or return the money. Since then I don't save money in my house, just on my bank account and I almost never have money in effective. That dad has just create a permanent distrust in his childs, I feel sorry for them
@fihof7266
9 ай бұрын
i can’t imagine basically pulling out the “and what about when i’m dead?” over a plant based roast
@alexs.5871
7 ай бұрын
@overlordfemto7523well, luckily nobody cares
@ArticBeauty
9 ай бұрын
tbh, I was surprised how unilaterally you declared the first poster yta. perhaps my social anxiety is colouring my view, but I find the thought of not even trying to accommodate a guest when it comes to food _horrifying_ and would certainly think twice about associating with people like the (thankfully a minority of) comments that feel 'guests eat what's put in front of them, or they don't eat at all'
@mujiescomedy279
9 ай бұрын
But the FMIL didn’t say not to eat. They said they could bring their own food. Which, we don’t know when it was OP RSVPd, what if FMIL had already bought all the ingredients?
@ArticBeauty
9 ай бұрын
@@mujiescomedy279 ...and I never said she did. I was referring to comments under this video. this doesn't feel like a comment particularly relevant as a reply to mine, frankly.
@Annik_Tenacious_Felis
9 ай бұрын
If im not wrong , Fmil means future-mom-in-law Xmas is truly the most drama between families
@BenShapirosGyno
9 ай бұрын
Ehhh I would never ever ever invite someone over for Christmas dinner and not have something they can eat for dinner 🥴 it’s the point of caring too. If I care about someone I WANT to make something for them to eat. She wasn’t asking for multiple dishes either. She asked for one single thing…
@macdaddykeesh
28 күн бұрын
same thing i thought. maybe people are raised differently because that was completely messed up to me. its one meal sheesh.
@33melonpaws77
9 ай бұрын
If you invite your future daughter (in-law) into your home you should care to make her feel welcomed and wanted. First story: NTA.
@gracelovely3838
9 ай бұрын
For the money story, I think this could have been solved if the parents had just asked. I can see the adults not receiving anything if the grandparents are holding a grudge. But instead of stealing, they should have had an honest conversation with their kids. They are old enough to both understand and hopefully be generous for the holidays.
@owenrichmond2
9 ай бұрын
my mom once had an impossible burger and didn’t like it, not because it was bad, but because it tasted too much like beef which she doesn’t like the taste of. so can we stop with the whole “vegan substitutes are bad” thing??
@braxtongressett1457
9 ай бұрын
Literally i don’t know any vegan that would prefer a burger that bleeds, I don’t get it.
@gh0stpuppi333
9 ай бұрын
I PREFER the taste of the impossible burger over a regular burger. It’s way more flavorful imo
@gwennorthcutt421
9 ай бұрын
i dont care for it because im not vegetarian, doesnt have the same nutrition/digestability, and is more expensive but tastes like cheap beef. however if i was vegetarian or at a veg bbq or something, id gladly get it! i think its really cool we now have plant food that tastes like meat.
@LilChuunosuke
9 ай бұрын
Also like...as someone who is unable to fully cut meat out of my diet for health reasons, you dont even NEED meat or cheese substitutes to have a delicious vegan meal? Sometimes I eat an entire delicious vegetarian or vegan meal and dont even register it because meat is not *necessary* to make a good meal. If a vegan invited me over for dinner, I would be delighted, especially if I was given the opportunity to try new dishes.
@ErutaniaRose
9 ай бұрын
My whole fam has invested in impossible burger and loves to use it, and none of us are vegetarian. But we have to use it sparingly since it can cause gas for some members. Edit: typo
@Lilt348
9 ай бұрын
I think it'd be really weird to go to someone else's house and bring your own food when no one else is and just eat that, if that's the case why can't she just stay home.
@emilyjohn2034
2 ай бұрын
It’s actually incredibly normal for most people with food allergies. All the time people bring their own dishes because they either can’t have or don’t like something it’s really easy, and you can even make a larger portion to share and have a potluck thing going
@aralornwolf3140
9 ай бұрын
First story... might have been better to cook _with_ FMIL so they can show FMIL how to prepare the food they can enjoy, and they can make enough to share with the rest of the family. New food shouldn't be avoided just because it's not "traditional".
@SLYKM
9 ай бұрын
Only if the family wants new food, IMO. Eating the same food is not as important as just being there and getting to know family. Maybe for future ones they could try that, but for the first, you're still kind of a guest.
@CattTheCat
8 ай бұрын
@@SLYKM but this is their future in-laws. If they can't be accommodating to them for their first major holiday together, it's not setting a good precedent for the future of their relationship
@duskianfae
9 ай бұрын
I don't know if due to cultural differences or if I was just raised by a couple that insist on being insanely good hosts to anyone that they invite over, but I don't think the first person was the asshole. When we invite anyone over who we know have any sort of limitations on what they eat or don't like the main thing we serve, we always believed it to be our responsibility as the host to make them feel welcome and wanted by accommodating them as much as possible. For example, if the main dish involves shrimp and one of the guests does not like shrimp, my stepmom will separate a shrimpless serving for the guest. If it's a barbecue and someone is vegetarian, my father will go out of his way to find other stuff to make just for them (most of the time its potatoes, pineapples and bananas lol). With the sole exception of events where everyone brings their own stuff, my father and my stepmom always taught me that a good host would do their best to accommodate the guests, even if it's someone they don't know yet, because it passes the message that their presence is desired. I am honestly shocked that the majority of people don't seem to think that.
@Mylittlestcorner
9 ай бұрын
I think it's more that cooking, especially big holiday meals, can take a lot of time and effort and money especially if only one person is doing it (seems like it was all on the mom). If the cook doesn't have time to add extra stuff, and warns someone in advance so they can bring something, and the person then does surprise Pikachu face and makes a scene over it is the issue. My mom makes everything from scratch basically because of my bonus dad's food needs. She'd try to be accommodating (and even has been like skipping cinnamon for allergies) but if she couldn't I'm sure as heck on my mom's side. She works full time, is my bonus dad's care giver (multiple strokes), and has to make 90% of everything. If she's genuinely unable to accommodate, then my partner and I can cook something up together to bring and if said partner doesn't like it then too bad. Options were given, things were reasonable, and I'm not blaming my mom for her limits. Thusly it's the entitlement in the story upsetting most people
@mujiescomedy279
9 ай бұрын
I mean, even in the example you gave, the two are essentially the same dish, but with 1 ingredient substituted. OP was asking for a whole new dish
@katiedid717
9 ай бұрын
I think it depends on how the request is made and the past relationship with the person. If the person who wrote the first story has a history of being demanding and entitled and not being satisfied with any accommodations that are made for her, I can completely understand why the future mother-in-law would say I'm sorry but no, bring your own food. Because I have known people who have a problem with absolutely everything, and it gets to a point when you realize that nothing is ever going to be good enough, you stop trying.
@jacktadash
9 ай бұрын
If I'm going to an event and everyone is getting food cooked for them except me I'm not going.
@WaveOfReedLake
9 ай бұрын
My biggest Christmas drama was my aunt outing me as trans to the entire extended family at Christmas. Luckily they were all accepting but damn it was terrifying.
@Googlymoogly-m8i
9 ай бұрын
With the first story, i find it very strange. In my culture you absolutely accommodate peoples food needs. Its seen as rude to not. We also learn in school how to manage and organise meals for different dietary needs. If you invite someone knowing they need different food and expect them to bring their own its seen as a bit of a dick move. If theres issues where theres not enough hands on deck you would expect a guest to help out. And in cases where someone has strict needs you communicate with them in advance to work around it!
@pemex23
9 ай бұрын
I agree, I don't think she's an asshole, maybe she overreacted and she shouldn't have argued about it but to ask someone to make at least one accommodating dish imo is not inherently rude
@hikingm9720
8 ай бұрын
definitely. because what if the person genuinely doesn’t have time to prepare a dish? what, they sit around eating nothing while everyone else chows down? hell to the no. at least put aside some part of one of your dishes that’s modified to be suitable for them - like if you’re making a potato casserole, set aside some plain potatoes for the guest so they at least have SOMETHING and aren’t just sitting there starving.
@Conformist138
8 ай бұрын
I think in this case, it might be the approach. It felt rude. Like, they informed the hosts they would eat nothing of their traditional food, presented a list of acceptable dishes, and made the host preparing it a condition of their presence. It doesn't sound like they asked nicely or offered any compromise. In many cultures, it's rude to show up empty-handed as a guest, so that goes both ways. The solution could have been requesting an accommodating dish, and then bringing a sharable size of another of their acceptable foods. That way, they contribute while having food if the hosts don't accomodate them. With time, maybe OP's food could have been worked into the family traditions and planning, but OP went a more entitled route.
@mamasimmerplays4702
7 ай бұрын
Yeah, that one isn't a situation of one side or the other being TA, it's just different cultures and expectations, and not being willing to adapt to each other. Maybe they're both "white" or whatever and don't realise that they're in a mixed marriage, but if they don't learn to talk about their different expectations and come to a compromise that works for both sides, the relationship is doomed. There's no way that this will be the only thing they have wildly different cultural assumptions about.
@MxPotato84
9 ай бұрын
I have one cousin who is allergic to tree nuts, so on thanksgiving, my dad would make his mom’s recipe of cranberry relish in two different containers. One with nuts and one without. No big problem. He did it out of the kindness and respect of his heart to accommodate my cousin so they don’t go into anaphylactic shock, and possibly die. My cousin was able to enjoy the cranberry relish on thanksgiving. My family respects other’s dietary restrictions and don’t mind accommodating. We aren’t the asshole type.
@emilyjg24
9 ай бұрын
In my family, if it’s a dinner, then we ASK if they have any problems with food. I don’t get why people think they’re the asshole for expecting that kindness to be offered to them? Especially since cooking for the holidays is usually a team/family effort and not just one person (at least for me). Idk, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect one dish to be accommodated.
@niylane
9 ай бұрын
exactly people are very careless. its not wrong to want to feel included in the family dinner. especially if we’re/ going to be family.
@s0up_1223
9 ай бұрын
Yeah that’s so true, they invited her to a Christmas DINNER so there should be something that she can eat
@messanya
9 ай бұрын
Think so too. If you invite someone to attend your party, wouldn't you want them to be comfortable? I don't think you HAVE to cook them something, but it's just a very nice thing to do if you actually like the person
@vcutler4735
9 ай бұрын
I'm baffled by the people not willing to switch up one dish to accommodate. Like if they're vegan or gluten free it's not hard to make some nice roasted asparagus with olive oil, a spritz of lime and a sprinkle of cloves. Or green beans sauteed in olive oil and garlic with crispy onions on the side that can be sprinkled on top of each serving by the person instead of green bean casserole. I'd probs reserve some cut up potatoes from preparing the mash and roast those with like some other chopped veggies too that way they get a semi diverse plate there and it's honestly not much extra effort. I might ask that they bring a dessert to share that fits their dietary needs? But that's also to help include them and would make sure a serving of that would be the first dessert I go for to encourage others too.
@33melonpaws77
9 ай бұрын
No! You bring your cold food in a bag, pour it into the spare dog bowl and crouch in the corner to eat your Christmas dinner. We don't want you in our home! >:O
@RisaPlays
8 ай бұрын
My take on the first story: If you invite someone to your house for dinner and they tell you their dietary needs in advance with safe options, it's your responsibility as the host to accommodate them. YOU as the host invited them, so YOU are responsible for them feeling safe and wanted at your house. As someone with dietary restrictions, it can feel so hurtful and isolating to not be accommodated by people who invite you over. It's like being told that you were never truly welcome in the first place. The times when I was accommodated felt so nice, like they actually took the time to really show they cared about me. TLDR: If you love someone, you'll accommodate them when you invite them over.
@RisaPlays
8 ай бұрын
For the vegetarian couple hosting for extended family, "I want ham" isn't a dietary restriction. They already said they were prepared to accommodate allergies and other restrictions. Ham isn't a necessary part of a meal and I'm sure they could have happily eaten plenty of other dishes if that was their only complaint. Also "make food for everyone" is the most vague request and I would have also assumed it just meant to have enough of various foods prepared. I never would have thought "ham" because it's one of the things that makes me feel sick.
@lynniewood
2 ай бұрын
@@RisaPlays i think they're talking about the first story, op couldn't eat anything there, asked in advancr for one simple dish she could eat and walked out when they had nothing she could eat. Definitely a different situation than demanding a ham from a vegetarian just bc you like meat.
@SilverStarlight5555
9 ай бұрын
As someone that was hard catering for even before going vegan, I've learned to just bring my food every time I have to eat with other people, it's had a lot of issues with food growing up so I'm happy to have my own dishes
@gwennorthcutt421
9 ай бұрын
the only way 18 pieces of coal are acceptable gifts is if the 19ths present is a grill and the 20th present are some really nice steaks or other meat/food of choice.
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
That would be a great gag gift. 😆
@gwennorthcutt421
9 ай бұрын
@@dragonfan8647 right? because then it has a good punchline and isnt totally at the prankee's expense. instead of being needlessly cruel, its "whats the funniest way we can present this gift", like wrapping a present in 20 layers of paper
@waiiflow3r
9 ай бұрын
not a christmas story but a cute tradition i want to share-> every year we do a huge secret santa between cousins. my family on my mom's side is far too large and spread out in age to split up into generations so we count an absurd number of people as cousins. this year i was assigned to my new cousin in law who i absoloutly adore who just got married in may and i got to make her a cute little basket of perfumes/soaps/candles for their new house!! i just look forward to cousin gifts every year :3
@cassidyflame2885
9 ай бұрын
Story 3 is what my Mum would do every year, all our Christmas money would be put into the dinner and gifts for others so she didn’t look bad. I really pissed me and my brothers off. But when I grew up I got over it, the family was very toxic and if my mum didn’t do that then she would’ve been shunned. So not the exact same and we still got to keep the physical gifts mostly.
@boots1622fan
9 ай бұрын
nah man FMIL should've made something like if we're assuming all they wanted was ANYTHING they could eat and the fiance's mom was like 'no' thats. weird and rude idk! im over here like, sobbing if i forget a friend's allergy to milk or fruit or something idk how people can just... not care.
@safirinha5582
9 ай бұрын
4:38 for me that is compareable to knowing one of your guests is vegan and then putting meat in everything. i don't think they're the asshole. when you have guests over, you don't make food for yourself, you make food for your guests. one time i had a friend over for a few days and he's really picky with food, and what we did was ask him what to make for launch and dinner every day he was here.
@selkiesmusings2717
9 ай бұрын
I’m somewhat on OPs side in the first story. Her actions seem petty in the moment but think about it long term. She’s not some random guest that shows up one time. It sounds like she’s going to be expected to appear for the holidays regularly. And no one is willing to make *one* thing she can eat? I’m sorry no, as someone with food restrictions I know how alienating it is to always have to bring your own food. Get the weird looks, answer the nosy questions, watch everyone else have fun together with the food while you’re excluded… If that’s what’s happening every year I can eat my own food home alone with some good netflix. OPs FMIL effectively said “We don’t give an eff about you. We don’t even care enough to pretend we do by providing one basic option”. Seriously will it kill abled people to have potatoes instead of cranberry sauce or whatever?
@wilczekudly
9 ай бұрын
My family christmas drama includes arson, actually succesful manslaughter of my greatgrandma right before my innocent two year old eyes, months long stays in the hospital and lifelong trauma lol shockingly that did not stop family cristmas either
@lemonandsweettea
9 ай бұрын
WHAT
@meddler-gz1ks
9 ай бұрын
Are you ok?
@wilczekudly
9 ай бұрын
@@lemonandsweettea my grandpa set the Christmas tree on fire. He, uh, tied a lit sparkler to it. On purpose. It did not go well lol
@sarascarpati887
9 ай бұрын
Yeesh! I Hope you stopped attending
@wilczekudly
9 ай бұрын
@@sarascarpati887 actually this is the first year i didn't. My grandfather is very abusive to my entire family and it took my mom and immediate family years to separate ourselves from him and my grandmother who enables him
@renskedunnewold1995
9 ай бұрын
The best cook I know is a vegan, every time I eat at his place the food is delicious, I don't miss meat at all. This is coming from someone who very much enjoys meat in day to day life. I cannot imagine going to a vegetarians house expecting to be fed meat, those people are ridiculous
@renluvsk
9 ай бұрын
Unrelated but I have seen you in youtube comments for YEARS on so many channels, I think we may like similar things😭
@apatheticartist9708
9 ай бұрын
Personally as the one who cooks holiday meals we always plan around any intolerances. Someone's gluten free? The entire meal (or at least most of it) will be too. Vegan, and others aren't? It's not too much to make some without animal products if you actually care about the person
@milenamariana2651
9 ай бұрын
I find it strange everyone is against person one because most people on my friend group have dietery restrictions for one reason or another, and when we get invited to someone's house we make sure to have something everyone can eat. If i'm inviting you to my home, is because i appreaciate your company, so obviously i would want you to feel welcomed and comfortable. Maybe is a cultural thing, people where i live are steriotyped as very welcoming hosts. I used to think i hated that as very introverted person, but maybe i have absorbed that more than i thought.
@Z3r0_g
9 ай бұрын
I think the main issue with the story was less about the fact that they wanted accommodations and more that they didn’t handle it well. For one thing, it seems like they told their future mother in law about this after she had started food preparations instead of telling her ahead of time so she could plan for it (cooking for a lot of people is something that requires planning). They also didn’t discuss other options with the mother in law, instead simply expecting accommodations on arrival, even when the mother in law declined, and getting frustrated when getting exactly what they were told they were going to get. I’m autistic and a fussy eater, so I definitely understand how this person feels. But there are better ways to work around it than turning it into a fight.
@33melonpaws77
9 ай бұрын
I feel bad for the first person. It would have been so nice if her future in-laws welcomed her.
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
@@Z3r0_g But they weren't the one to turn it into a fight? They just left
@Z3r0_g
9 ай бұрын
@@dragonfan8647 You’re right, it can be hard for me to determine what exactly turns things into fights. Because them leaving seemed to be what started the chaos.
@mujiescomedy279
9 ай бұрын
@@dragonfan8647we don’t know how the discussions with the FMIL went. How heated that got. It also sounded like OP was saying that if FMIL didn’t make the food she wanted, she didn’t actually want her there, which is definitely a loaded statement. And we don’t even know what the dishes were. For all we know it could have been filled with super expensive dishes which would be ridiculous to ask someone to make just for you for free It’s also possible by the time OP told her FMIL had already bought the ingredients she needed. We don’t know FMIL’s financial situation: if it would have been reasonable for her to get more ingredients
@wyverewings1790
9 ай бұрын
Okay I'm just gonna say for the first story: NTA. I have ARFID, meaning that a lot of food is just completely impossible for me to eat, and sometimes even be around. I'm unable to go to a lot of social events with food due to it because even the smells make me want to throw up sometimes. Even disregarding that, I feel it's basic hospitality to make sure the guest has at least one meal they can fucking eat???? Like they even asked the family in law if they could make one meal for them. If it's that difficult to find time for both the OP and the family to cook the meal, the best option would not to be to go at all. I know this might be controversial, but as someone who has a literal disability related to food, I just can't help but feel a sort of sympathy with them even if they admittedly aren't handling it well. Edit: Actually with the vegetarian dinner as well, while yes the family in law is in the wrong for expecting a vegan to cook meat, it also seems like you've never heard of ARFID? Like ARFID as a neurodivergence means that there are some foods that you literally cannot eat without being forced to, and that can even include foods someone is otherwise okay with that has even a slightly different taste or texture (not to mention the smell of food can be painful, I'm actually unable to even look at some food because the connotation makes me feel sick). So it's not really a dietary preference, because going out of your comfort zone can be a hellish experience. While yes, it is possible to adapt to eating different foods, it can be a long and difficult process, and some people just dont have the fortitude to go through that process. I really hope you read this comment, because ARFID is kinda unknown and deserves respect as much as any other disability stemming from neurodivergence.
@barbarareichart267
9 ай бұрын
I have to admit that even then in a Christmas dinner it would be nice if the host cooks an extra dish, but if they are not sure they can manage, bringing your own food can be fine. Also dependent on how specific your needs are, it might be tricky to be sure the host prepares the food correctly. For example most people with allergies I know prefer to bring their own, so they can be sure it is good for them to eat. As your condition is kind of unknown, do most people get the food right, if you explain your needs, or. Would you have to show them at least once, how to do it. In that case for story one going early and preparing food together with fmil could have been a good bonding experience.
@rosie2871
9 ай бұрын
@@godofchaos9571personally, i feel like a guest should be a guest. as in, their only job is to show up (unless it's a potluck). if you're not willing to accommodate people, maybe don't host. however, i think that if she knew they wouldn't accommodate, she shouldn't have gone at all instead of walking in and turning around to go home
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
I very much agree, except that OP isn't handling it well. They established a clear boundary: they only attend if food they can eat is provided. There wasn't, so they left. They didn't yell about it (as far as we know). They simply did as they said they would. Having self respect isn't being an AH.
@miss.truffle5587
9 ай бұрын
@@godofchaos9571 But they're a guest. And guests should be accommodated for. They're not being entitled they're just asking for basic needs. They even asked for ONE dish. A SINGLE DISH, its not like OP asked for a second entire meal, they asked for a single dish. If you dont want to accommodate guests dont invite them in at all. And the fact the fiance told OP to suck it up is so insensitive, its like telling a depressed person to be happy. So no its an assholy thing to do, you yourself are an asshole for saying that, and super insensitive
@spliffyrodgers4266
9 ай бұрын
@@miss.truffle5587i mean your right about one thing if someones that fussy you should disinvite them I mean they're a guest in your house which means they can eat whatever you put in front of them or not eat atall expecting someone who is going out of their way to host you to make a separate dish just for you thats exceptionaly entitled and selfish when your in someone else's house you're a guest you dont get to make demands its not your space and its not your food Id get a smack if I went to someones house and asked them to make something different it is so disrespectful
@ADreamerWithAPen
9 ай бұрын
I think its very rude if you're hosting and you don't accommodate dietary restrictions for a guest (if you know about them in advance). I have several family members with complex food allergies, and we always make sure to accommodate them at holiday meals bc they're part of the family and we're cooking for the family! It's so sad when people with dietary restrictions get left out 😢
@vwolf5
9 ай бұрын
The vegetarian house host thing is even worst because they got angry they weren't eating the dishes they wanted when they were indeed served food they could eat. Not being vegan or vegetarian doesn't mean you don't eat plant based things (and it would be a very poor choice of diet), so yeah, the Christmas was runied bc of selfishness... Of the rest of the family!
@vwolf5
8 ай бұрын
@overlordfemto7523 My point of view in this is that if you're going to someonelses house you might request something if you really don't like certain foods, but you shall not demand it (unless you are intolerant to it or allergic, of course). By that logic that I have, makes sense that someone who refuses to eat meat and has good skills cooking (nutritious enough) vegan/vegetarian foods offers only that in the house, specially if people are to insist they are the hosts despite knowing their dietary choices (that stand a political and anti-cruelty logic). "Only having veggies" is a misconception a lot of people have, but I assure you there are plenty of delicious and fullfilling dishes that have no meat in them. And mind you, I love meat, but I'm not biased and know where there's some lines crossed.
@ss.surprise
5 ай бұрын
@overlordfemto7523 My dude. A cheese pizza is vegetarian and so is spaghetti that just has tomato sauce and cheese. They are hissing over the word vegetarian but literally, a bowl of cereal is vegetarian. A cheese sandwich is vegetarian. Most people eat some kind of vegetarian foods, vegetarians aren't actually out here just chewing on carrots or gross foods, some of the typically most well-liked foods are still vegetarian because they do not contain any meat or products that come from an animal dying. Even people that like to eat meat, are not actually eating it at every single meal and can survive a meal without it. I eat meat, but I don't eat it with literally everything.
@madamemelone4947
9 ай бұрын
The second story is just outraging… he is so financially controlling and abusive! This women should really run from him! Also the gaslighting and blaming and all! I could cry because of how angry I am for this poor woman!!!!
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
4:44 Why not? They've been invited. Don't invite guests you don't want to accommodate.
@Coffee_Cat7914
9 ай бұрын
First story: I dont know if it's a cultural thing, but where I come from, when we invite someone over for dinner, we do acommodate them food wise. It's about being hospitable. Specially considering it's their first time spending Christmas with their Future (what F stands for) DIL at their house, I think they should "honour" her by making a simple plate according to her taste (not change the whole meal). Don't know, it just doesn't sit well with me and would get offended too. (but wouldn't make such a scene)
@Mylittlestcorner
9 ай бұрын
Most definitely gotta be a cultural thing, but also based on what individual people/families can do. Cuz cooking, especially big holiday meals, can take a lot of time and effort and money especially if only one person is doing it (seems like it was all on the mom). If the cook doesn't have time to add extra stuff, and warns someone in advance so they can bring something, and the person then does surprise Pikachu face and makes a scene over it is the issue. My mom makes everything from scratch basically because of my bonus dad's food needs so cooking is a very long, tedious process. She'd try to be accommodating (and even has been like skipping cinnamon for allergies) but if she couldn't I'm sure as heck on my mom's side. She works full time, is my bonus dad's care giver (multiple strokes), and has to make 90% of everything. If she's genuinely unable to accommodate, then my partner and I can cook something up together to bring and if said partner doesn't like it then too bad. Options were given, things were reasonable, and I'm not blaming my mom for her limits. Thusly it's the entitlement in the story upsetting most people
@Coffee_Cat7914
9 ай бұрын
Went back to listen again. So what we have as info is the family's traditional dinner (so sth they cook every year) that's not in FDIL liking and her asking for a another (simple?) plate to accomodate her. We do lack further info and entitlement could come from both women (phone dialogue, before the actual dinner). I'm guessing it's a power struggle more than anything else in the end.
@hawkeyescoffee6399
9 ай бұрын
I seem to recall a scenario like the first one, where the OP of that post _did_ bring their own dish because they felt like they didn't want to impose etc...and they were treated terribly for it and called disrespectful etc. In this case though, FMIL insisted OP attend. I can't imagine a scenario where I not only invite but _insist_ someone comes to a meal...but also refuse to cater for their dietary needs. That would make me feel like a terrible host. I would feel weird bringing my own dish to someone else's house, I would prefer to just not go. And really, what was to stop her fiance making a dish for her, since he wanted her there? I'm 50/50 on whether OP was an AH because she did go knowing there would be no special dish for her only to walk out. That said, I don't think she was wrong to expect food to be provided by someone who was insisting she go. And if she is an AH, then she wasn't the only one tbh... I think it's more a case of ESH. The 2nd one, omg, the poor OP. That is straight up abuse...financial & emotional, etc. I would bet after she bought him his stupid shoes, that the rest of the money he gave her went on the kids and necessities, that she spent very little, if any, on herself. What an absolute bastard her husband is. I hope she can leave because my heart breaks for her. If I was his parents I would have some very strong words for him (that would likely culminate in breaking all contact with him and helping OP escape him). Thebguy who took the money from his kids to buy xmas lunch...It is never ok to steal from your kids. Especially if they are old enough to know they had the money and you could ask them if they want a fuss for christmas dinner (in which case are they willing to give you a loan), or are they ok with just something low key. My friend always has just a low effort nibbles & finger food (diy sandwich stuff etc) and sometimes frozen pizzas: She has one kid who gets very freaked out by xmas (they think there is a traumatic core memory from whe she was a baby before they adopted her) so it is easier on the kids, but also...it gives her the one day off from cooking a full meal. You can make christmas a special day without it needing an elaborate meal. Kids tend to care less about the meal and more about the memories & fun times. I can't imagine why it cost $200 unless that inckuded things like buying a tree and presents for the kids, etc. It isn's even about whether the kids _need_ that much, but rather it was their money that had been given to them. Perhaps he would understand better if he was asked how he would feelnif hs kids too $100 from his wallet to buy themselves a bunch of pizzas etc? They may have already planned what they were gonna spend the money on. He is 100% TA, because there were other solutions & ways he could have handled it (it isn't like hebtoom it to pay the mortgage or a red bill or something). That said, the in-laws are dicks, and I wonder if they didn't send their daughter money but instead an expensive gift for the very reason so she couldn't spend money on him/the house. I feel like there is something else going on with this OP, though.. like does his wife know about their tight financial situation? Or is he trying to "keep up appearances"? Idk, just seems taking your kids money shouldn't be on your radar of choices...unless he is just an AH in general, perhaps he has even taken money from them before without them knowing or something. The vegetarian OP who hosted christmas...it's almost like the mil set her up because she very deliberately didn't say anything about what food they expected. I might be overthinking things though. Idk how they expected her to be psychic and know precisely which food they expected (the meat aspect aside). And, I just can't understand why you would expect someone who you know has been vegetarian their whole life to be able to prepare a specific meat dish for you. Hell, even if she had been willing to do so (which she was under no obligation to do), it likely would not have ended with a well prepared dish, since she had never done it before and wouldn't know how. Added to that, she put together the meal for them all...by herself, shebhad enougn on her plate. They could have offered to bring the meat, themselves if it were that important to them (who the hell even claims christmas is ruined because they didn't get the meat they expected). It was, however, refreshing to see the man stick up for his wife...in fact it seems that even _he_ didn't anticipate that they would expect the ham. I was glad to hear the update that they were trying to find common ground, thanks to the BIL mediating, though. The last one was just cruel, especially because everyone knows coal is linked to "you don't deserve presents because you've been bad". It isn't a joke or prank if it hurts someone. And I agree they were laughing 'at' not 'with' her. The fiance should have at least warned her beforehand (did he even buy her a gift, because he has no excuse about "not knowing her", I'd also assume she had met future MIL & FIL before). Did not 1 person think it might be a hurtful or shitty thing to do? Besides, it's a stupid joke. Like wtf are you even supposed to do with 18 lumps of coal, what a waste. And so thoughtless. A funnier gag would be if everyone bought socks or something. Hell, even if they had done the coal "gag" and followed it up with a "we're just teasing, it's a tradition...here are your real gifts." But there are so many generic things you can buy people that you don't really know. OP had managed to buy everyone something even though she didn't know them. It's a fucked up kind of hazing and shows they are just shitty bullies and it was just to be mean. If theybdon't see why it was hurtful, especially my own fiance, I think I'd be breaking off the engagement if it were me (throw the whole famkly in the bin), I'd be in afraid of what they would pull at the wedding, etc. Your christmas drama story made me lol. That poor woman, your cousin's fiance, accidentally triggering a family drama that ended the big family christmases...succeeding where attempted murder had previously failed lol. I also prefer a very small and intimate family christmas...low key. I don't think we've ever had any christmas drama. It has mostly just been very close family, at most with the addition of a grandmother or 2.
@transmenac3
9 ай бұрын
I disagree on the first one. OP only asked a for one dish, not a whole meal, and gave a list of options to choose from, which could easily be stuff other people could enjoy as well. And OP asked about this ahead of time. And like some of the others in these comments, in my family, it was the host's job to be in charge of making a meal with everyone in mind. At most, guests would bring sides and desserts, but it wasn't expected or asked of. If I make a meal for people I have the same mindset, and if someone's coming to a family dinner for the first time, I'm going to make sure they know that they are welcomed to the family by making sure there's food for them too. Like sure, the OP could've handled it differently, but I don't think they were fully in the wrong.
@LeftieLoosie
9 ай бұрын
Only way the second situation would be understandable would be if he said “here is 600$ to get my gifts” and then have her gifts separately. But he expects her to use her only gift on him? That’s not a gift that’s an obligation. 🗑️
@hawkeyescoffee6399
9 ай бұрын
It felt like just another way for him to humiliate and exert financial power over her (and I doubt there was another gift for her off him). I bet she spent most, if not all of the rest of the money giving their kids Christmas, and very little on her own needs. He was lucky she bought him anything, really, if it were me I think I would have used it to GTFO. I feel so bad for her. I hope his parents have stepped up to help her. I wish Kiwi had given us a taste of the comments to her.
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
Also, why put sneakers on his wish list if he doesn't want them? This feels like gaslighting. I feel sorry for OP.
@Agaettis
9 ай бұрын
As someone who has severe allergies, i NEVER expect anyone to make accommodations for me and bring my own food
@emowoly
9 ай бұрын
i think the first one could have handled asking for different food better but i dont think theyre being unreasonable for expecting that the dinner they were INVITED TO would have something they can eat. the future mother in law hosted and cooked dinner but didnt take any dietary needs into account before planning dinner and as a result one of their guests cant eat anything theyve made sure they CAN bring their own food, but why should they be the //ONLY// person at the entire dinner that is expected to either bring their own food or go hungry at the meal they were invited to? also maybe its because im southern and we scream hospitality and that nobody goes hungry when it comes to gettogethers and dinners but if youre going to step up to be the dinner host its your job to make sure your guests can actually eat. i cant imagine inviting people over to my house for dinner and refusing to make sure everyone has at least one thing theyre able to eat. in the culture and family ive grown up in, something like that is unthinkable. its rude and people probably wont want you to host meals anymore if youre telling guests to bring their own food if they want to eat at the dinner you invited them to
@emowoly
9 ай бұрын
im autistic and cant eat a lot foods with slick slimy or gritty textures because it makes me feel nauseous and im unable to continue eating. if i have to bring my own meal to a dinner ive been invited to because everything includes the foods i cant eat and have made clear i cant eat, im going to opt to just not go at all instead of sit at the table with my plastic dish of food probably reheated in the microwave watching everyone else dig in to a fresh hot home cooked meal, passing food back and forth and talking about how delicious it all is its not a welcoming feeling, its isolating
@mujiescomedy279
9 ай бұрын
Ok, yeah, your comment makes sense. The FMIL should have asked for dietary requirements before planning the menu, but I don’t think that makes her an AH, just naive about it
@Zomkisses
9 ай бұрын
I remember this one time when i was 8 i had to go christmas without eating dinner cause my younger cousins had eaten the safe-foods (waffles and choco pudding) i had brought for myself and when i told my aunt she just told me to just wait 'till i went back home :/
@ttintagel
9 ай бұрын
Reminds me of my cousin's wedding reception. It was a buffet dinner, and she had seated all the vegetarians at one table. Which would have been fine, except we got called up to the buffet last, and almost all of the meat-free dishes were gone. We were all sitting there making a meal out of buttered rolls, strawberries, and iceberg lettuce with no dressing. Kind of points out the hypocrisy of omnivores who get mad about vegetarian meals - they like the meat-free dishes just as much as anyone else. It's like the office pizza parties where they get one plain cheese pizza for the vegetarians, but the omnivores who also like plain cheese eat it all up before the vegetarians get there.
@laureldreams4108
9 ай бұрын
The thing with the first story is, I'm Autistic and I really relate to the certain food issues. Not being acomodated can hurt a lot, specially if someone already knows about my situation. Is It wrong to expect acomodations? Not really. You wouldnt hate on a weelchair user for expecting a ramp, would you? Then again she could have made her own dinner if she knew they wouldnt acomodate in advance, I'm with you on that. She wasn't an AH for wanting to be acomodated, It was mostly her reaction. Then again as someone Autistic who gets emotional outbursts constantly I kind of get why she would get triggered. Honestly this could have been solved if she offered to help FMIL to cook. Im sure there would have been ingredients she could use and by helping out FMIL wouldnt feel like she has to do more work for just one person. Just my thoughts tho, feel free to disagree
@dabordietrying
9 ай бұрын
see i get this but its their entitlement that gets me. they were told there wouldn't be any food for them there and to bring their own, didnt bring their own but showed up anyway and got upset about it? im also autistic but i wouldve just brought my own food or eaten beforehand, especially with the future mother in law telling me there wouldn't be anything. and with the wheelchair thing, i dont think you could be upset at the people living at the house if there's no ramp, that's the fault of the person who built the house which is very unlikely the same person that lives in it yknow. i get where you're coming from but even if this person had allergies to the food they were serving, it would still be best for them to just bring their own food yknow? it sucks to not feel included in food but there are other ways they can be included. thats my thoughts at least
@marielhaynes
9 ай бұрын
you explained why i felt conflicted on this one better than i ever could
@laureldreams4108
9 ай бұрын
NO yeah I agree, the person could and should have brought their own food, I just don't feel they're as entitled as everyone said. It's a bit of a grey area for me@@dabordietrying
@FrogsForBreakfast
9 ай бұрын
@@laureldreams4108Asking is great, but on being told no, OP should have either brought something or not gone. Why go and make a scene because the dish isn't there, when they already told you the dish wouldn't be there? That's where OP is an asshole, even if the inlaws are assholes too. The inlaws wouldn't be assholes in my family, but in my family, Christmas dinner is a potluck with 30-50 people... and that doesn't sound like OP's situation. In other families, the inlaws did the most assholish thing someone can do to Christmas dinner guest. In that case OP should have not gone. No need to be around people who obviously disrespect you at Christmas after all.
@jadex9980
9 ай бұрын
FMIL = future mother in law
@HonEBeez
9 ай бұрын
I’m a vegetarian; went to my husband’s side for thanksgiving. They are big meat people, so I made and brought a cheese and onion quiche to share. It was surprisingly a hit! And I had a good source of protein for dinner :) Yes, it’s nice when people make accommodations for you. But you shouldn’t feel entitled to it.
@Luca-zw4bz
9 ай бұрын
@@godofchaos9571I've been hosting accommodated holiday meals for years now so speak for yourself.
@dabordietrying
9 ай бұрын
4:40 as an autistic person that just can not eat certain foods because of taste/texture/whatever else, i was so ready to side with this person. but... no, they do not owe you your own dish. yes, you are a guest, and that's exactly the point, you are a GUEST. you are allowed to bring something for yourself to eat, and that's perfectly fine and exactly what i would've done had i known there wouldn't be any food i could eat there. or I'd eat before going there. they did not have to make a big fit about it. they were told there wouldn't be a meal for them, showed up, there wasn't a meal for them, got mad and made a scene, and are trying to play it off like they're in the right. its icky idk
@ttintagel
9 ай бұрын
For my money, this is one of those cases where both sides are wrong. A good host should want to make everyone feel welcome by providing something they can eat, and a good guest with special requirements should be willing to bring a dish for themselves. I kind of feel bad for the fiance who got stuck between these two stubborn people.
@anna.owo.
9 ай бұрын
As a host, you have to accommodate your guests if you really want them there. Host means a person who receives or entertains other people as guests. so you have to entertain them, food is part of it. Her request was not extreme at all, and her reaction was not great, I personally would skip it altogether. why would I go somewhere they do not want me? When I host I take great pride to accommodate everyone.
@Turquerina
9 ай бұрын
Based on the context, FMIL likely refers to future mother-in-law since they're still engaged and unmarried. Anyhow, these AITA posts are wild and I'm convinced the husband in the second post is a raging narcissist. The main thing I wanted to say is that your household seems lovely, I'd love to have a vegetarian household too, at least mostly vegetarian and vegan. It's hard living with my parents but I go out shopping with them so I'm usually able to look for more vegetarian options to bring home.
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
Let's please not use narcissist to mean abuser. Narcissism is a legit disorder and we should get rid of the stereotype that they're all remorseless abusers.
@Turquerina
9 ай бұрын
@@dragonfan8647There is a difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and narcissists. Narcissism in and of itself is not a diagnosis. It's very dangerous to conflate the two. When I talk about narcissists, I'm referring to those people who have a very antagonistic and difficult personality style characterized by impulsivity, volatility, grandiosity, egocentricity, arrogance, contempt and are prone to disregulated rage. They often resort to abuse tactics such as insults, lying, gaslighting, devaluation and smear campaigns. They are the aggressors. Narcissists, if anything, are better off in our world where they lack empathy and insight and they achieve success at the expense of others. They're the people who rarely face consequences and as a result, we are left to grapple with their endless carnage. Most of them do not change and it is imperative for their victims to get the justice they need, such as the wife in the second post. So yes, the relationship can be termed as narcissistic abuse.
@peachesplums
9 ай бұрын
"of its that simple why did you not cook it yourself" she literally offered not to go. she literally told her fmil that if it was too much she was happy to just not go and not make a fuss
@ErutaniaRose
9 ай бұрын
The first one I feel like might have been a trauma issue, possibly texture issues due to something that they didn’t wanna divulge. (Like autism, since saying you’re autistic can instantly cause lots of ableist to show themselves). But bar something like that, I don’t think this was the right move. In my fam we usually cook with one another which really helps, especially since we have a list beforehand. We have people with dietary restrictions both due to health/disability, and choice. And this may have been an issue of “I work a lot, cannot do it, and want to feel accepted” without proper communication. I feel like they weren’t entirely the asshole, but have major communication issues that made this worse, alongside not realistic expectations for that group. Edit: If this was a potluck or they cooked it there with them, or they delayed the dinner so they could make it there, I think that would help A LOT. Since it would still have that community aspect, so they don’t feel like they are isolated for just bringing their own food and sitting there with everyone else, especially if others try to make them eat the other food or take their dish without asking.
@emmyhope26
9 ай бұрын
I'm only on the first one, but I'm so glad we're in agreement. It was drama for no reason. Usually I don't show up to an event without a dish, just out of thanks and respect to the hosts for having me and spending time and money on all of the other food. It's valid to ask "hey, can you set aside some potatoes for me before you add the other ingredients" or something, with the understanding that the answer might be no. It is insane to insist on a separate dish. Also, we don't know how many family members were there OR what the dietary restriction is. This could have been an event of 50+ people and restrictions that are beyond "simple" vegan, vegetarian, nut allergy, etc. No one is cooking you low fodmap, I'm sorry.
@DeadNotSleeping789
9 ай бұрын
This is exactly my mindset. Honestly, this story was lacking information. OP didn't say what their eating restrictions are, how many food options they suggested, how difficult those dishes would be, or even if they told the host what their eating restrictions are. More than anything though, I'm baffled that so many people think bringing a dish is an absurd ask for the guest. I would feel so embarrassed coming to a big family dinner empty handed. I thought that was normal etiquette, but I guess not for everybody? Makes me wonder if differing family etiquette is the cause of this issue.
@IZoMione
8 ай бұрын
Bringing a dish when everyone does so is different than being forced to bring one and be the only person that has to bring their own, ONLY edible for them, food choice. If you're insisting on having someone over, accommodate them. It's simple as that. And it's not like they were a random person joining them, they are soon to be family and they clearly don't respect the OP.
@emmyhope26
8 ай бұрын
Was this meant to be a comment on mine or its' own comment? If it was a response to mine, I don't think you read my comment.@@IZoMione
@Ketutar
9 ай бұрын
1) NTA :-D I do agree with the person. I do expect the hosts to adjust the food to the guests' dietary expectations. I do expect people hosting a dinner with vegans to have vegan food. I shouldn't need to bring my own food to a dinner party I'm invited to.
@starssumfr3707
9 ай бұрын
REAL!!! I don't understand if I'm missing something but everyone seems so mad at OP for WHAT reason? They apparently just like quietly walked out because they wanted one small thing to make them feel like they're actually family only to be YELLED at by their husband and people are mad at them?? Idk if I'm missing anything but it feels so fucking disconnected
@lilaboxx
9 ай бұрын
I feel like the communication was really bad in that story, I feel like this could have been avoided somehow. But yeah especially if someone had health issues you should be a little accommodating...
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
@@starssumfr3707 I'm baffled, too. Maybe it's cultural differences? Still, I don't understand how people can be so callous towards guests. You're not entitled to someone's company, so don't be surprised when they leave if you refuse to make them feel welcome.
@elaineb7065
9 ай бұрын
THIS!!! Is it really so hard to cook the vegetables in vegetable oils??? Or make a few veggie apple pies alongside the suet-laden mince pies??? Or if you don't want to cook, just buy some shop-made stuff, anything to cater for a guest at your home
@mujiescomedy279
9 ай бұрын
@@elaineb7065that’s not what it was though. OP had given her a list of what she could eat. We don’t know what dishes they were, if FMIL could afford getting them. We don’t know the financial situation
@janinaschergaut299
9 ай бұрын
I also have a christmas family drama story, and in my case, it also ruined family christmas. Bit of backstory: my parents are divorced and have been for a long time. - I don’t know them as a married couple - but for the first few years when I was little, we still did family Christmases, so on Christmas Eve, it would be my parents, my brother and I. I don’t remember exactly how old I was when this story happened, but I can’t have been much older than six or seven, and it’s Christmas Eve, and my father and brother come over (my brother lived with our father at the time) and we start doing preparations for Christmas dinner and baking cookies (we had, like a special type of cookie we baked every Christmas), and my brother, who at the time was thirteen or fourteen maybe, starts making a little bit of a mess, or maybe even a lot of a mess (flour and crumps on the floor, batter spilling over, that sort of thing). Now, my mum - bit of a neat freak, or a lot of a neat freak, and she starts freaking out about the crumps on the floor, starts yelling at my brother, so my dad starts yelling at her. Fun times. It ends with my brother and I crying on the couch, my dad taking us to his place, where he obviously had nothing prepared in the way of dinner, so we eat whatever he’s got left in the freezer, and all being a bit emotionally riled. And that ended family Christmas for me. Funny thing is, I remember the end of it, the crying on the couch and eating frozen dishes (they were cooked, but came out of the freezer), but I never remembered what started it all until I recently talked to my brother about it, and it seems so ridiculous to me that crumps on the floor ended family Christmas. After that, I think I spent Christmas Eve with my mum and then Christmas Day with my dad, but it took me a really long time to enjoy Christmas again because of that…
@Andr0meda_
9 ай бұрын
I actually disagree with the Christmas dish story? As someone with very strict allergies, I know how hard it is to show up at a meal focused gathering and not be able to eat anything, or only being able to eat something like carrots. I don't understand why a host wouldn't be accommodating to such dietary restrictions and ensuring that everyone eats, as that's the point of the gathering??? I, personally, love challenging myself by making gluten free and/or vegan dishes that are just as delicious as the others
@jadziajan
9 ай бұрын
That's a fair point, and I'm glad someone brought it up. I do think that the person in this story was entitled - and that it *can* be arranged to bring your own food. I was listening to the video while doing something else, so I don't know if I missed some details, but were they *told* they would be accommodated for only for it to turn out they wouldn't? It seems that they were told they wouldn't be and still showed up assuming they would be. Either way, these situations are very different case-by-case imo. There are a lot of things I can't eat personally; if my family or close friends invite me somewhere to eat, I would honestly feel extremely disrespected and unloved if they didn't account for my dietary limitations. You're inviting *me*, not someone else! That being said, if I'm being invited by anyone I'm not that close to - it is my duty to suck it up. The worst issue in my experience is when people refuse to let you eat something different, or just can't shut up about it, and how weird what you're eating is, and how it's not nice not to all eat the same food, etc. In this story though, if I understood well, they would have let OP bring their own dish, so I assume they were cool with it. It's a reasonable option. Still, if this is their new family, I think it would have been the nicest and most loving thing to prepare something on the side they could eat, or work something they can eat into the menu. It really depends on the relationship these people have. I think it's fair to be upset, they just didn't handle it well and made a mess.
@withempress
9 ай бұрын
Right? I have a mother in law who hasn't catered for me at xmas for 12 years, and it hurts and makes me feel like I'm not even loved or seen at all. It's not hard to switch to gluten free pasta for the pasta dish she always makes but instead I get "oops" every year. I feel shitty each time.
@sleepy_cloud2501
9 ай бұрын
Exactly, personally in my family they always tried to accommodate and have gluten free and vegan options, I don’t understand what would be so hard about having like a small salad or something that everyone can enjoy including people with strict diets
@Imjustkendall
9 ай бұрын
Exactly. I would feel a bit hurt but I think the AH part is The entitled writing like it gives off “I DESERVE THIS.” But also ….dont they? I mean…I’m struggling with this. I can understand a person not wanting to cook more food. But if I was inviting someone over for DINNER, and I expected them to watch everyone else eat while they had nothing …
@MoonlightingasaHuman
9 ай бұрын
If I invite you to my home and you are vegan/vegetarian, have allergies or have issues eating certain foods, you will be catered for. The fact that this woman is her future mother in law and would not cater for her. RUN!
@jackdawjohnson7436
9 ай бұрын
29:41 The only time there was a family reunion on my Grandpa’s side ended with a gunfight (two cousins were arguing whether one stole the other’s high school gf while their current wifes watched), three people going to the ER, and a five-car pileup on the driveway.
@EveryDayALittleDeath
9 ай бұрын
First story: I have something called ARFID which is an ED that often appears to others as extreme picky eating. Since I was a CHILD, my parents or I would check with whoever was hosting a family event and see what they were making, and if they weren't making anything I'd eat (or were making, like, one side dish I'd eat) we'd bring food for me. I have never expected to be accommodated in that way (I did grow up with allergies, so there was an expectation that if they were making something I would eat, that I *could* eat it without dying, but that's a separate issue) Sidenote: I know you said that accommodating health issues is a valid reason not to be vegan, but I do want to specify that MENTAL HEALTH REASONS COUNT TOO, because to some people, they don't take EDs seriously in this context. Like I'm just not at a point in my recovery where I can avoid cutting out any of my safe foods for ethical reasons, because I would definitely suffer from malnutrition if I did. Not saying you don't think EDs count in this case, but I have met people who do think that, so I wanted to make it clear.
@dragonfan8647
9 ай бұрын
I think you can still be vegan. Some vegans think anything less than perfect isn't good enough, but imo it's about making ethical choices. I take medication that contains milk and was tested on animals, because I can't not take it. I consider EDs the same thing. If you got to eat meat, you got to eat meat. But you can still make ethical choices when you can choose. For example, not buying leather, fur or animal derived foods that aren't safe foods, etc. People who say you can't be vegan because of things you have no control over are wrong.
@SLYKM
9 ай бұрын
Second one is a red flag. She cant work due to medical reasons, and husband doesnt even give her money for her period products? She is still a mom, which means she still works and takes care of fo things so that paycheck earner doesnt have to do it. That deserves a little bit of alllowance, at least if its afforddable. But if they are on a tight budget, then I understand but it should be equal.
@echohanna
9 ай бұрын
I half disagree about the first one. Because Im the type of person that of I invite a bunch of people over, I will make sure that everyone can actually eat something. While I would never demand someone cater to my needs, not would I storm out. But I would feel unwanted if those hosting, cooking for everyone else have no consideration to my dietary needs I don't invite a vegan over and expect them to feed themselves while I feed everyone else. That's a dick thing to do This isn't like a person with celiacs bringing their own bread, most dishes (outside of baked goods) can be made gluten free But it sounds like oop couldn't eat ANYTHING And I don't think they meant specifically that the dish was simple, I think they meant that having consideration for someone you claim to be willing to feed's dietary concerns. That involves some empathy and compassion. Though I realize today few people have both in large quantities I don't think it's entitlement to be insulted if finding us willing to feed everyone but you If it were me, I would have just brought something for myself, it ready before/after. But I would feel hurt, and I would not bother to try and hide I want eating any of the provided food. And if asked why I wasn't eating, I would just politely say it's because I can't eat anything here I normally agree with most of your views on things. But as someone who has dietary restrictions (that unlike being vegan, are not a choice) I find the use of the term entitled when it comes to being able to actually eat to be pretty insulting Like seriously, oop hasn't told us the specifics, but they made it out clear it's not just being picky You follow it in the next story by saying how we have to respect the vegan diet because it's a hard moral line, so why do we only have to respect vegans but not medical restrictions? I know I got real sick of constantly having to feed myself whenever I was invited over to dinner at the in-laws. Neither in-law refused to cook anything without capsaicin in it in some form. I CANNOT eat it. It's not a "haha white person can't handle any spice" kind of thing people like to joke about it. I spend three days feeling like I've been stabbed, plus a bunch of other stuff. It's not a lack of tolerance, I literally cannot eat it. Would you say the same if they said it was lactose intolerant and everything had milk in it? I feel like no Maybe I'm overreacting because of the crap I've had to deal with due to my own various food limitations. But I have to disagree about who is the asshole in the first. I think it's both of them
@theresamnsota3925
9 ай бұрын
I’m plant-based due to health reasons. I brought my own food to my own mother’s house for Christmas. I’m heading to my in-law’s to celebrate this weekend. I’m also bringing my own food with so I can enjoy the holiday.
@redacted8824
9 ай бұрын
gotta come watch this again tomorrow when it's christmas eve for me
@rebelsnowflake15
9 ай бұрын
I moved away from my abusive mother but the winter holidays were always a nightmare. My birthday is right between Thanksgiving and Christmas and she'd always tell me "it's at a bad time of year." Like whose fault is that?? Then my grandparents won't be in the same room as each other because my grandma thinks my grandpa will yell at her (he is the most soft-spoken sweet man alive) so he comes to Thanksgiving and she comes to Christmas. At least until my sister had a baby. Then she and our grandma would fight a LOT so we had to do two Christmases. One with grandma, one with sister. It was chaos.
@sumatrannos
9 ай бұрын
The husband giving his wife money for christmas just for her to buy him a consol literally make me so piss of like omg why the f couldn't you buy it yourself then and who the hell does that and he doesn't care about her obviously because god forbid her for being unwell and can't work and not have money for even freaking hygine products like dude this makes me piss off than anything else recently and even his parents was piss at her and I hate that because parents like that are always on their own son/daughter's side like ahh I feel so sorry for her and I hope she's ok now and dump his ass like omg that crosses alot of lines for me
@sumatrannos
9 ай бұрын
And I feel sorry for these people too who doesn't know or are sure it's not their fault when they are in the right and even blame themselves like-
@lostshadows768
9 ай бұрын
I'm a meat eater and I don't get this attitude either. I'm betting her ILs have probably had plenty of vegetarian meals by sheer chance. It's something that's not hard to do. (I just realized that what I currently have planned for NYE is actually vegetarian.)
@jadedbelle4788
9 ай бұрын
I was on an organising committee for a work event and proposed having a vegetarian/vegan lunch as it was a common food preference out of 60 people and in the past the veggie options always got snapped up sometimes leaving the vegetarian/vegans without. It was a hard sell to start with but when I showed the menu of the vegetarian place I had in mind. The food was great. Everyone loved it. There are so many delicious, easy options out there now.
@kalaylaseehafer5195
8 ай бұрын
the coal one is actually wild. my boyfriend came over for my family's Christmas this year and I had a multitude of my relatives ask me what he was into and what he liked. and oh my gosh the gifts he got were overwhelming and so perfect. it's not too hard to just text your son/daughter and ask what their partner likes. not too hard.
@Arvak
8 ай бұрын
The one with the husband's money was awful. My fiancé and I have a joint account that we both transfer equal money into every month, to cover household expenses. When we have children and I go on maternity leave, I will expect him to transfer his full monthly salary into the joint account to cover ALL our expenses, whether household or personal. We are a team. He does not control the money, even if he's the sole breadwinner, because he is not superior to me. It's so disgusting to treat your money as "YOUR" money that you sometimes give a small portion of to your partner when you're literally married
@davidchess1985
9 ай бұрын
Families have some really awful traditions! Sheesh. "Oh, yes, when it's a new member of the family's first time at Christmas dinner, we tie them up in the dark basement with no warning; bit of a laugh!"
@CatsOverBrats
9 ай бұрын
I think I am the family drama to my family since I refuse to celebrate Christmas. I've stayed at home for years now. I prefer just treating it as any other normal day. They got their presents from me and can open them while they celebrate with each other.
@julianalanfrey8965
9 ай бұрын
Honestly so valid. Hate that Christmas is seen as a mandatory thing
@katharineeavan9705
9 ай бұрын
I feel like no1 was kinda an ESH. Like, yeah, don't turn up and just expect someone to have made you food when they already explicitly told you they wouldn't, but it's also not unreasonable to expect someone to cook for you if they invite you to a DINNER. I absolutely wouldn't attend a literal meal where I couldn't eat anything, and I wouldn't bother with all the hassle and logistics of bringing my own. I would say "that's okay. I'll stop by for drinks and to say hi to everyone after the meal" and just wouldn't turn up for the food part. If they really wanted me to be there for the meal, they'd accomodate me. If they just wanted to see me and spend time with me, then drinks after should be perfectly acceptable. If you invite someone to a group activity where the whole point is to eat together, then you don't expect them to be the only ones catering for themselves. It just makes people feel excluded and like you don't actually want them there enough to bother including them.
@mymelody589
8 ай бұрын
I find it funny for the not serving ham story, That they commented on how good it smelled and how good it looked until they figured out what you was vegetarian and they didn't make ham. I feel like a lot of people seem to not understand the vegetarian food can be good. I love meat but people can make amazing vegetarian food lol
@vcutler4735
9 ай бұрын
Gonna disagree on the not going if there's not food that can be eaten, I can totally understand not wanting to go esp if they are tired from work. Double especially since this was the first time and its the family they are marrying into, the fact they couldn't make /one/ dish that could accommodate?? Like as a host if I know someone has a restriction, whether allergy or choice, I make sure there's at least one thing they can eat there that's part of the spread. It's about inclusion as part of the family. Like the family should want to try and make this newly incoming family member feel welcome! And it would feel so sad eating something from a tupperware when there is a whole homemade spread. My only question is what was the simple requested meal and whether it was really simple. I would definitely reconsider the marriage given the fiance was also ragging on the restricted eater. Like if your spouse won't support you on this they won't support you on other things.
@mightyparanoiac6815
9 ай бұрын
The story about the vegetarian lady is so WILD because I'm Polish and I've NEVER been on a Christmas dinner that had ANY meat, like it's a tradition that on Christmas Eve you do not eat meat, so imagining someone getting offended because they can't eat ham on Christmas dinner is crazy to me
@SicDrykEst
9 ай бұрын
I'm surprised that nobody is talking about the in-laws in #3. They're very clearly trying to drive a wedge between the guy and his wife and kids by spoiling them and shaming him and it's probably a contributing factor to the parents making that mistake.
@bambino05
9 ай бұрын
The guy that took the money could've at least asked them if he could have some money so they could have a nice Christmas Dinner. If they say no, then you can't have it. Every time I get money for my kids for christmas or whatever, I take the cash but transfer it to their bank accounts from my own.
@ardenchaplin5389
9 ай бұрын
I’m so early and I’m so ready!! Love the videos. Wishing you a Merry Christmas. I’m from the UK but my sister lives in New Zealand and watching makes me feel a little closer to her. ❤
@TheFangirlOtaku
9 ай бұрын
I actually got my little brother coal this year for Christmas as a gag. It is by far not his only gift. (The coal isn't even just coal, I put a false bottom in the box with some Pokemon cards underneath) It makes it worse that she skipped her own family's celebration for it. That said, I feel like this could have been a fun gag if not EVERY present was coal, like maybe the parents cold have gotten her some jewelry to show that she IS accepted. I understand why she wasn't warned, the surprise is part of the joke, but I also think maybe it would have helped to give her a hint that something goofy might happen. This is actually kind of an interesting one to me.
@Hana_H
9 ай бұрын
Maybe it’s just my culture but in the first one I would absolutely say the writer is NTA. I come from a country where the Christmas dinner is not as complicated and you can absolutely accomodate people or make something simple as well (I don’t like potato salad and so my family makes potatoes for me instead). So maybe it’s just a cultural clash thing? Like if I had a good reason for not being able to eat what the family makes, which it seems the writer had, in her shoes I, too, would expect to be accomodated.
@ErutaniaRose
9 ай бұрын
Meat eater here. Being the norm predominantly, eating and Omnivore diet, does not make it a lifestyle choice. And there are plenty of good vegan or vegetarian foods! Like green bean casserole (can be made dairy free, using coconut cream), roasted veggies, POTATOES, fruit, many pies or pie variations, etc. literally so many options. Edit: Glad there was a nice update!
@mamasimmerplays4702
7 ай бұрын
The sad thing about the father who stole from his kids is that if he'd talked about the situation with them, it's quite possible they would have offered him that money. But now that possibility of trust and generosity is broken.
@itsnotanobsessioniswear
9 ай бұрын
Hearing women in so much trouble with their husbands really breaks my heart. My dad is an adorable guy when it comes to my mom, and gets her random gifts and presents all the time, and every time he gets so nervous that she wont like them even though she's never not liked them. He does chores all the time, takes care of me and my sibings, and still manages to surprise my mom with fancy dates. He even built her a she-shed so she can write (She's an author) with his own hands from scratch. I'm so glad that he gave me a good example for what a partner should be.
@spntageous5249
9 ай бұрын
in my country and religion it is customary on christmas to only serve vegan meals so that one story about the vegetarian family really took me out
@zombie.xo333
9 ай бұрын
First op needs a reality check unless she wants her future in-laws to hate her 🙃 walking out of a Christmas dinner you were invited to because the host already let you know ahead of time they couldn’t accommodate all your tastes is soo rude omgg
@LeftieLoosie
9 ай бұрын
Third family…. He stole money from his kids. Period. Almost every food shelf in the country has a holiday meal box if you need it….. Edited to add I am talking about the United States I can’t speak for other countries.
@sassylittleprophet
9 ай бұрын
OH. *My* Christmas family drama. Okay. So, tiny bit of backstory, my parents are abusive and they joined a cult when I was 6. I got low-key arrange-married when I was 19, then left the cult and him in May 2019 because he was abusive (he was and had also been raised in the cult). Okay, Christmas Eve 2019 rolls around. I still want to spend time with my family, my siblings in particular, so my mom picks me up because I didn't take one of the cars with me because I was afraid my ex would accuse me of stealing. I get there and happen to notice the stockings out...and my ex's stocking is there. That's when I pieced together that my family (most likely my mom) had invited him over for Christmas. I go take a walk by myself and have my breakdown/freakout in the graveyard across the street because the dead are chill and I felt more at peace among the dead than the living. Christmas comes the next morning, and my ex has the *audacity* to show up. I avoided him most of the time, but at a certain point we had a conversation and I stood up to him/for myself for the first time, and I'll never forget that "oh shit" look on his face. And that was the last Christmas I ever spent at my parents' house.
@esmeraldaloschuetz9120
9 ай бұрын
Oh Jesus, that sounds all kinds of horrible... I'm so sorry oyu had to go through all that! And I'm proud of you for leaving that situation and standing up for yourself, kudos! Could not have been easy, especially if you were conditioned at such an early age! I hope you have supportive, loving people around you now and a wonderful life! All the best to you, stay strong!
@sassylittleprophet
9 ай бұрын
@@esmeraldaloschuetz9120 thank you! I currently have my bestie and a wonderful boyfriend, they are both just the best and are very supportive and emotionally healthy. I didn't know it was possible to have purely loving, healthy relationships until 1-2 years ago 💕
@esmeraldaloschuetz9120
9 ай бұрын
@@sassylittleprophet That sounds perfect, I'm so happy for you! All the best!
@onerva0001
9 ай бұрын
I'm happy for you for escaping that toxic situation and living a better life now! ❤
@sassylittleprophet
9 ай бұрын
@@onerva0001 thanks!
@socialrose3070
9 ай бұрын
Cold winters don't exist in the Midwest USA now unfortunately 😢 it's been like 16°C all December, doesn't look like it's going to change much anytime soon either
@emofurryboyfriendasmr
9 ай бұрын
yeah:( its really sad , global warming is real and it shows
@rat_in_a_bucket
9 ай бұрын
Interesting, for the first story, I'm on their side. My family will cut up a bunch of stuff, such as ham, chicken, lettuce, ect, and we all go around and grab what we want and sit down to eat it. Some of my family members can't eat coconut or seeds, and if my nana buys desserts with coconut, she always gets an alternative, for the other people lol. It's not that difficult, and it'd be weird if you brought your own food (my nana would be upset, if you didn't touch anything she brought, or her husband cooked).
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