It is wonderful when cognitive dissonance ends with the realization that allowing him to ruin your adulthood will never heal his rotten childhood.
@A.S2400
6 жыл бұрын
amjPeace that's a great quote
@Lettelight
6 жыл бұрын
i love THAT
@flutefun999
5 жыл бұрын
PERFECT
@pattyl2811
5 жыл бұрын
Wow. Well said.
@gailcaplan7015
4 жыл бұрын
Awesome
@kristinhill4818
5 жыл бұрын
This was happening to me too many times. He would treat me so bad, but here and there do nice things like buy me dinner I liked, or fill up my gas tank. Somehow in my mind those small "nice" gestures kept going back after attempting no contact. Then the cycle would begin again. But the last time he had me over, told me he missed me, loved me, and then we were intimate. As I was leaving he told me that he met someone else and he is thinking of pursuing her. I broke down into tears. I said then this has to be it. I can't do this anymore. He said "I know you'll be back " with such confidence. I walked out and drove off meanwhile literally screaming at myself and crying asking myself why did I go back? I turned around, went to his house again and told him no I will not be back. This is it, I can't handle it anymore and I need to heal. I begged him not to contact me at all and he said he wouldn't. I cried all the way home, but stuck to my no contact this time. He was emailing me, but I ignored. He emailed threats if I didn't respond and all. I don't know how I did it or what happened but it's like that day something snapped inside me and I didn't care anymore. I don't want him, or miss him. I only feel disgust about him and I feel disturbed with myself for letting him do all the awful things he did.
@Misslotusification
5 жыл бұрын
That is what is called positive re-enforcement. It just ties you a bit harder because it has the same addictive quality as slot-machines: by not knowing when the next 'nice' crumble will come, we keep on pressing the gear.
@Misslotusification
5 жыл бұрын
Blowing hot and cold is called positive re-enforcement which has an addictive quality, just like slot-machines working on hope.
@sky2461
6 жыл бұрын
What you said about contracting terminal illness from the relationship stress is true! My immune system was so shot I got cancer! Now I'm in remission & have left my narc.
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
I am so happy you are now in remission Amber YAYA!! Keep thriving Dear Lady xoxox
@d1i2a3n4n5e6
6 жыл бұрын
I got cancer too.two Drs confirmed it was from the toxic stress.
@bulletsfordinner8307
6 жыл бұрын
Amber D. It's so true..my immune system is down so I have been getting so many health issues, virus attacking my body, fever, I feel sick everyday.. trying to distance myself from the narc but it's hard since for now I can't escape as I have nowhere to go
@janeknose6136
6 жыл бұрын
So true I believe this. There is a video on Narcissist killing you off slowly.
@corsicanlulu
5 жыл бұрын
so glad ur getting better, narcissists want to kill us they do! make no mistake. thats how they get narc supply and basically stole all ur energy. pure evil
@judymagazine2965
6 жыл бұрын
It's just so shocking to know logically this person is bad for us and their treatment of us is SO bad and yet we stay focusing on the few good traits and telling ourselves that's enough for us to stay.
@Honey-vz1qq
6 жыл бұрын
In other words "cognitive dissonance" is a fancy way of saying: a person lies to themselves, believes their own fantasy, pretends, deceives himself/herself, drinks their own kool-aid, ignores the bull-shit, refuses to be truthful with themselves, fears the truth about themselves, won't look in the mirror,... been there done that. Relationships with a narcissist is more about YOU than the narcissist. Or should I say more about ME than the narcissist that loved.
@UndeadRedux
3 жыл бұрын
I agree people think others are beneath them..
@juneingram669
8 жыл бұрын
I used to have a book where I wrote down all my so called faults to try to see how I could change, it was never enough and I gave up in the end. it's like they are looking for a partner that lives up to their idea of perfection which keeps changing on a daily basis
@benjoseph8387
8 жыл бұрын
June Ingram well said...
@casperinsight3524
4 жыл бұрын
Yup, It's an endless treadmill of never enough, they are never satisfied. The sooner you see it the sooner you can disconnect from the insanity.
@malusa9508
4 жыл бұрын
June Ingram You were brain washed by this psycho
@mamasuzy79
4 жыл бұрын
When I tried this, I had difficulty coming up with much... I know I made mistakes, but they almost always came from a place of good intentions... as far as I could tell. And most of my mistakes were like misperceptions. It’s hard to explain. His mistakes were actual actions. And still, I have trouble letting go. Cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding is intense. But I am healing deep core wounds that I didn’t even realize were there. I’m just tired.
@shirleykurtz
2 жыл бұрын
@@casperinsight3524 Once I realized this: I just simply said "I'm done". I had to get away from that insanity!
@wealthnowchannel
6 жыл бұрын
Australian accent is by far the most soothing. Love it. Thank you so much for taking your time to create this content.
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
Hi Joe, you are very welcome and that is wonderful that you find my accent healing. xoxox
@wealthnowchannel
6 жыл бұрын
I have learned more from your videos than any other source online. I can't stop watching lol. Also, your cat is adorable :)
@theresafraley4292
7 жыл бұрын
this video has taken me to a whole new level of understanding of what is happening to/with me....thank you thank you thank you
@saadhna7260
3 жыл бұрын
Yaaaaaaaaay!! ✨
@rosebud_blooming
3 жыл бұрын
SAMEEEEEE! I UNDERSTAND WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING NOW
@CocktailMiss
6 жыл бұрын
Yes. This was the hardest break up I ever went through. I felt like I was leaving MY CHILD behind, not my partner, my child! Cause he acted like a child constantely. I was full of pain, cause I would never leave a needy "child" behind....or at least thats what it felt like. I had to write it on a huge piece of paper, that I need to leave this person and I hung it right on my wall in my room. It reminded my everyday not to answer his calls etc....was horribly tough but I managed to leave this person and all his problems behind. I had to tell myself that those problems were his problems and not mine anymore.
@juliemackellar8821
6 жыл бұрын
I have listened to this video 3 times, each time hearing something so important. Looking back the total ignorance I had and the suffering that I endured trying to tell myself that I was crazy and it was all in my head. Making to much of something not being able to bare the truth that I too had a psychological break down. I slept for 2 years. Recovery has been a slow process. I still struggle today with "Am I Crazy, is this really happening" but my body never lies. My disconnect is changing slow but sure. The question looms ... who am I if I am not who I used to be? I am in the throws of finding out. Great video. When my/our thinking is so out of whack and we, me was afraid to see the truth break down is absoulutey going to happen. I was the last person I thought this would happen to. Today I am open to new options of thinking, this allows my mind to be open so I can continue my revovery. Merry Christmas to you all. Here is to 2018 where we all break free of our old ways of thinking and adopt healthy thoughts knowing we are ok, loved and sane!! ❤🕊
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
Awesome Julie!! I am delighted you are coming out of the 'fog' of narcissistic abuse Dear Lady - time to thrive!! You are OK, love and sane!! xoxox
@casperinsight3524
4 жыл бұрын
I now practise my modified "KISS" method, lol Keep it short & simple 👍 Don't over think or second guess Or over analyze Just do what feels right and get on with your day Don't get stuck in the muck 💗
@jaynestagg9094
8 жыл бұрын
the hardest thing to deal with was lack of support at times of need. I have had to deal with the most stressful situations on my own while he refused to communicate even though I begged him. he wouldn,t even buy a mobile phone so I could send a txt when I really needed to contact him. I am still dealing with major problems to do with our son. even though we, re divorced hes still doing what hes always done , looking after no.1.
@cereal_qilla
6 жыл бұрын
What is the trickiest is, as a codependent, you put up with so much bullshit and abuse and offenses from the narc, then the one time you god forbid offend THEM, or they just perceive that you offended them, they make such a big dire deal about it and are soooo offended that they cannot even breathe. They genuinely believe that they are sooo victimized and that we are the devil for offending them, and yet, want us to disregard every single countless truly vile offense they've perpetrated to us. I'm embarrassed to say, and I know it's the disease of codependency, that I get hooked into their reaction to our perceived offense and I start to feel bad that I caused an offense even if I really didn't, i get hooked into their perception, and start to consider all the ways that maybe I was wrong in the situation. Ugh this really gets me everytime and it's abusive to myself I kno but it's what I do and I wish I could just block them out and know my reality is real not theirs, but it's extremely challenging. It's almost like gaslighting but they're not telling me what to think, they're just reacting like I did something so vicious. I always seem to get hooked and doubt myself to the core. And then I tell myself not to even consider their feelings or perception because it's wrong, and then I judge myself for doing what the narcissist does to me and I think "I'm not that low, I'm not just gonna act like I know everything and not even consider that I could be wrong, maybe I was wrong...." UGH....it eats my self esteem alive
@rockingrfarmandranch2219
6 жыл бұрын
Just like any addiction There's a Payoff/ Reward to keep going back to things that do not serve them well. It just takes what it takes to get on the road to recovery and this differant for everybody. There is always going to be trouble if one is using another to fill an emotional void within themselves.
@sudhas_world
3 жыл бұрын
I think the only thing that helps us with giving them more and more benefit of doubt is to know that these people are NEVER changing. People don't change. They remain who they are. So, no amount of rationalizing their behavior will help you.
@jaynestagg9094
8 жыл бұрын
I kept going back and putting things right because I was scared I couldn,t survive on my own
@mashalashangry2438
8 жыл бұрын
Thank you Mel! Your video came right on time for me personally - I was doing no contact for 8 months now and feeling great and even starting to date other people and suddenly a thought came that probably I could go back again and see what he is up to now because I am strong now and understand everything. I was reading Bruce Lipton and other people around him and felt great. Guess what? - I ve started to had panick attacks I haven't got since the beginning of our separation , I feel really terrible and I couldn't explain why. Now I see why. I just scared my inner child to death , just by thought that there is a possibility to "go back again" so my soul was terrified of the perspective of getting more of that crap I was getting from him. So now I promised to my inner child that it is never happens again, I won't go back to that abuse and I feel much better now
@VeVeEm
8 жыл бұрын
Yeah, one part of me loves him, and I guess always will, but then this little soul inside me knows and cries reminding me how horribly I have been abused...So.... NO.... I'm not going to do it to myself again...
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
My pleasure Varvara, how great you are anchoring in to heal what needs to be healed "now" ... that is what that reemerging urge is all about. Are you working with NARP Varvara? Because it helps you find and target directly the original traumas that are being replayed through this trigger about him - so that you can uplevel and free yourself to an even greater level. This way is so much more powerful and direct than just "reparenting" ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp xoxo
@profilingmanipulation
8 жыл бұрын
This explains what has happened to me this week, I had court with my ex husband (married for 10years & divorced for 7, had an 18mth restraining order on him in 2013 that came off last year) He's applied for contact & my gut at the thought of seeing him again was terrifying- I couldn't get why because I don't still love him, or even hold any hate I just feel indifferent genuinely, it feels so long ago I actually have to remind myself that sh*t DID happen & look at you now!. But I just don't want to be around him & my solicitor said I think you need counselling - I have done so much reflection & self healing, & feel so balanced, content & calm. 2 years ago I met someone only to discover he was a covert narc & once I'd gathered a balanced opinion I fired the bugger off with no second guessing/self doubt whatsoever, I refuse anymore to be treated like a muppet. (I do think it stems from a narc mother) I feel so strong emotionally so I told my solicitor I refute that, just because he didn't rape me - he still physically, emotionally & mentally abused me for a very long time (she isn't familar with npd) - everyone would understand a rape victim not ever wanting to sit in the same room as their rapist, why do I want to sit in a room with my abuser.. Anyway that day of court, I thought he isn't going to know nothing about the effect he had on me after I left & the shell screwed up on the floor I was for so long, I made my makeup beautiful, dressed immaculately & strolled in like I really had no problem with anything at all, I even smirked at him on the sly, taking the power back! It had the reaction I hoped for, he kept shouting out in court because they can never contain themselves once riled up loads of derogatory comments about me & made himself look like the lunatic he is.. Peace 😘 Sorry for my rambles, I related to your comment - Hope you're well xoxoxo
@jaynestagg9094
8 жыл бұрын
I feel great not seeing my ex husband but I have circumstances at the moment that means I have to have some contact. but after each time its like I.m reliving it again and it takes a couple of days to readjust. the feelings inside resurface immediately
@lorimiller4301
8 жыл бұрын
+Sonia Ben-Salah lol so true.
@rogerunderhill4267
7 жыл бұрын
Damn helpful. Wouldn't it be nice to heal from all these negative emotions and their causes. It's a freeing liberating thought and it has to have a start. I watched this video and it reminded me of one of those traumatic hidden memories. I uncovered it in hypnotherapy once many years ago but only realised the significance today. I become bonded to people who cry and shout at me and I want to help and react by becoming numb. I know I should walk away but I usually don't. This is trauma bonding from when my father divorced my mother and she shouted at me that because he was gone I had to do more. She cried over it and screamed at me for many months every day. She was married for 34 years so it was tough for her and I had to understand that and help her through somehow. I became numb and cold to protect myself. At that time, I was at secondary school, I had been planning to leave for university but I felt I couldn't leave her so I got a job and stayed several years before I had to leave. Clearly there's some repetition here in my current relationship. So I still react by becoming numb and cold. We try to change or fix people so they will stop hurting us. But it seems it generally doesn't work because we are our own problem. Thank you Melanie for illuminating in the darkness and helping me to see. Every time I think of fixing my partner and me and our relationship you say no. I listen. But the conditioning is still there to try to love and fix and I trust what you say to push past it.
@michellelee8419
6 жыл бұрын
I needed this more than anything!!! I re watch your videos and the message gets clearer every time. It’s scary to realize why I stayed involved in toxic relationships. Playing therapist in them to both of us and it is a bandaid. Because in all honesty cognitive dissonance is frightening. I know it happens after the end. During no contact. I realize it. And I’m tired of it. Giving power for peace when the peace has to be within enough to not get triggered into submission/compliance. It saddens me because it feels like self torture of “what can I do to make this better for everyone”. In the end I choose me. I need to fix this. This split of inner child reaction vs knowledge and experience and instinct. Thanks for teaching things in a way that speaks to my soul. ♥️
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
Awww Michelle Lee I am so happy m information is resonating with you and you are breaking through. Bless :) xoxo
@casperinsight3524
4 жыл бұрын
Set yourself free, Stop saving those who don't want to be saved and save yourself 💗
@gunjitagupta2384
7 жыл бұрын
In some parts of India such awareness is very much needed. Women in Narc Relationships have no idea first how to get out of it, what it is and then how to deal with it and end up being trapped and miserable.
@newme3319
8 жыл бұрын
This video is incredible, Melanie. CD is something I've struggled with SO much for most of life, I didn't know what it was called. I'm glad it has a name. I've witnessed so much atrocious behavior. In the moment I said I would never allow him to treat me this way again. Then blocked it completely from my mind, like you discribed. I've watched your video like 15 times since I found it, so I can get it into my head that my husband and my mother will NEVER change, no matter the smiles, promises or whatever "positive" things they engage in for the moment when I speak up. I want to find peace in my life, no more drama. I'm ready for my life to finally begin in my late 30s. I will continue to watch. Keep them coming!
@amandamaria67
5 жыл бұрын
Melanie, you're onto something here... when you ended this session you almost combined smiling and healing.... Keep "smealing".... 😘 Keep smiling and healing!!
@DrewNorton3712
8 жыл бұрын
I have experienced this many times with my mother! I believe it is harder with a mother because I think people need mothers! I think mothers play an important role in our lives if not the most important! when a mother is a covert narcissist it destroys the whole foundation of who we are and that opens the door to more abusive relationships in our lives! it is good to be aware of this and as you say we need to overcome it!
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
Drew there are many people within the NARP Community who have healed and up-levelled from N Family of Origin and specifically huge mother wounds. That is what NARP creates, relief, freedom and a New Life / Relationships at a Quantum Level www.melanietoniavens.com/narp I know you have been on the fringes for a while - why don't you come into my next Free Webinar Group to experience the power of NARP Drew? Then you will not need to be talking about "how hard it is" (which of course is perfectly understandable) instead you will be on the direct path to healing from it ... for real. www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar xoxo
@DrewNorton3712
8 жыл бұрын
Melanie Tonia Evans I like to be part of these webinars! I will probably be part of it! I have actually come a long way but i am not yet where i would like to be! my comments don't always reflect where i am today but what i have experienced! i have listened to many of your videos including the three steps to overcomeing narcissitic abuse! my comments are meant to add to what you say in the videos and to release some inner feelings and reflections on my past! i learn from many people but i like to learn from people who are not 'stuck' on narcissism itself! my way of learning is like a bird that flies in and catches a worm and then flies off and comes back later to catch another worm! in other words i like to take it slowly and carefully! i always appreciate your comments! i must be honest that i am a believer in GOD and that is most important in my life! as you said we all have our own beleifs! i have overcome some pretty huge obstacles and so have you and that i why i like to learn from you! i like to learn from people who have gone through at least what i have been through! i also like to listen to 'youarecreators' on youtube! i am always learning! i will try to be more involved! thanks for your encouragement!
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
Hey Drew thanks heaps for your reply ... please know many people who believe in God, including Christians are NARPers .... a big part of NARP is working with a Higher Power. You are so welcome re encouragement Drew and it is lovely to have you involved! xoxo
@DrewNorton3712
8 жыл бұрын
Melanie Tonia Evans thanks I enjoy your videos! I visited Australia when I was in the navy! I was almost stationed in Harold Holt Communication Base in Exmouth, Australia! you may not have heard of that! it is in a very remote area of Australia but I wanted to stay there! the navy sent me there by accident! I was supposed to be sent to USS Harold E Holt ship which is where I ended up! but I did visit Perth and Sydney when we were on west-pac! I drank piss in the bar and made some friends! (I think piss is beer in austalia) maybe that is what they call it to sailors! I like Australia and a lot of the actors from there like Russell crowe and the crocodile hunter who died in an unfortunate accident! I will try to be more involved with the webinars! don't drink too much piss mate!
@Stellabyestarlight
8 жыл бұрын
So true
@aislingying9971
7 жыл бұрын
This is so well said, I remember one night I was crying in my first long term's bed for being mistreated, my mind actually literarily regressed to when I was a kid my relationship with my dad...
@UFO_computers
7 жыл бұрын
Aisling Ying Same for me but my mother
@O12345Dan
8 жыл бұрын
and nobody is ready to get out until they are ready...and lol chastise you for not moving fast enough for them which in turn makes you run back to the narc
@VeVeEm
8 жыл бұрын
So true
@bloomingboomer8692
4 жыл бұрын
I know even now, 3 months of no contact and the knowledge that he never really cared or felt anything but resentment once I was on to him, that I crave his touch and am crushed by what happened. The act of being thrown away no matter the psychology behind it, for a co-dependent, is still so agonizing. Thank you Melanie for NARP, which I believe has helped me turn a corner.
@MelanieToniaEvans
4 жыл бұрын
Aww hun that's just gorgeous! Love and blessings xoxox
@gill426
5 жыл бұрын
Aaaaah, that was a storm of fresh air, I love it! Thank you for being so authentic and emotional about it. Also for being so blunt and rough about the truth behind this mess. "The true reasons will set you free." That's what I needed to hear. I don't know why I hadn't fully grasped this concept yet but that's so simple, yet so meaningful. Thank you, I'll go forward with that.
@paulward2846
7 жыл бұрын
narcs know how we feel, so do the opposite to what we want. it debilitates victims.
@bulletsfordinner8307
6 жыл бұрын
Paul Ward I agree with this
@TracyBEBLESSEDSAINTSMabinton
7 жыл бұрын
Great video. Very informative. Thank you. God bless you
@MelanieToniaEvans
7 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome Tracy xoxo
@reneealex4146
6 жыл бұрын
I went through this for years Married 41 years until he did the final discard and moved out with me unaware to a whole tota newl location because I had started calling him out on his BS even calling him out on his so-called Ministry I started seeing the hate in his face and I've later found out he would tell people that I was crazy and all sorts of things and numerous affairs had numerous it took this long for me to really see myself and I am healing now THANK THE MOST HIGH GOD HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAH
@everybodylovessnoopy
8 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, Melanie! This video could not have come at a better time! I was just researching this term and thinking about it as it is what is going on with me with the "no contact" thing. Going to get back to NARP-ing. You are a God-send. XOXO
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome Joanna, and I am so pleased it was timely for you! xoxo
@faye9973
4 жыл бұрын
This is so powerful ... dear everyone main stream therapist please take this on
@stephanfuchs6190
8 жыл бұрын
Great vid ! With your help I now understand that there was nothing I could do to help her , even through I tried for 25 years. I'm finally getting it! Thanks Mel !!
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
Hi Stephan I am so pleased this helps xoxo
@lizameruoso6798
8 жыл бұрын
So this is what is making me crazy!
@nicolaapps6889
4 жыл бұрын
This is brilliant Melanie. Thanks so much :)
@revolutionishere
7 жыл бұрын
An old but gold video. I made a little observation, and I thought about what you said that narcissists are really little children trying to achieve impossible, childish expectations through their journey of life. When you bring the attention back to yourself in that dynamic, you see how you're acting as an adult towards an unruly little child. It's about recognizing your shortcomings as a healthily functioning adult and to go towards that original lesson that you highlighted in the beginning of the video about emotional and personal completion of the original wounds you experienced without the sophisticated, logical reasoning scope. I've found that when I experience your healings which are incredible btw, I see that I can go back to the original wounds and give my hurt inner child the lessons that I learned in very recent times. I adopted conscious beliefs through that logical sector of my mind and applied it directly to my subconscious. It's really that easy. You are a groundbreaking teacher. Thank You so much for your help Mel. 💓💓
@MelanieToniaEvans
7 жыл бұрын
You are so welcome, I am happy you are experiencing great shifts and re-parenting your inner child ... gorgeous Dear One xoxox
@crazyduck1254
3 жыл бұрын
the professor whose name i have forgotten, is an expert on adopted people, if the child cries and no one comes, that child will always expect no one to come. even as adults, which is pretty much what Melanie is saying towards the end of this video
@karrenofarc
6 жыл бұрын
Distinct and clear explanation. Thank you Melanie.
@martharivera8139
3 жыл бұрын
I just connected to my abandoment issues, i did not recognize before! Thank you for the THRIVE COURSE, & way of life,finally a tribe i vibe with & can grow with!!
@maryjanosik3512
4 жыл бұрын
Brilliant. Thank you for the help. This is a horrible and terrifying place to be.
@Oshen1118
4 жыл бұрын
Lady I font know you're from, me I'm from Georgia usa. I'm doing research on this subject for my youtube right now and you're video is helping me tremendously... Thank you very much for sharing yourself and I'm learning alot
@TheQu33nMonster
6 жыл бұрын
Needed this! Thank you!
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
My pleasure Emily xoxox
@Claudia-Sonnenstrahlen
6 жыл бұрын
That's just how it is! Thank you! It's the truth.
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
You are so very welcome Claudia. Love and blessings xoxox
@shannonwalsh4335
6 жыл бұрын
I so needed to see this video... I'm in it right now. I'm am insanely in love with this man. And I have tried no contact several times and always end up allowing him back into my life. Its weird this time around. now that I actually understand what he's doing. i see everything. Now I just need a way to stop making excuses. And break free... Even saying it feel like death right now though...But it absolutely makes sense. Everything you said. I was in tears, thinking to myself this is why I can't let go!
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
Aww Shannon, I would love you to connect to my free resources to help you with this Dear One www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse They will help you to understand what is happening and start to heal the wounds. Once you start to heal them, the rest will come. This video may help too kzitem.info/news/bejne/ta2nvoSpbX2DfY4 Love and blessings to you xoxox
@shannonwalsh4335
6 жыл бұрын
+Melanie Tonia Evans Thank you so much for everything you are doing. You are such a blessing...
@viviankirkham1677
6 жыл бұрын
I appreciate you sharing the truth. Valuable.. very valuable.
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
You are so welcome Vivian, love and blessings to you xoxox
@jamieazalea685
7 жыл бұрын
This was enlightening, thank you so much!
@chelseaholley4950
5 жыл бұрын
Wow, listening to this helped me see around something that's been stuck in my way for my whole life. Thank you.
@tamiemjoyce
8 жыл бұрын
Awesome!! Thank you!!! :)
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
You are so welcome Tamie xoxo
@CatherineSTodd
4 жыл бұрын
I got very sick as well, being almost completely disabled with chronic fatigue / lyme / fibromyalgia and in constant pain all the time. Now that I've been gone for two years+, everyone says "what happened to you? You are so much better! What did you do?" and I say "Separated and working on a Divorce." They all laugh in a shocked way, but it is the truth. And I don't listen to the same old "Oh, but he's so wonderful! You are so lucky to have him! But he loves you!" I just say "If that were true, I wouldn't be leaving him." End of story and end of conversation with people like them.
@decoy2636
4 жыл бұрын
I do hope you are continuing to improve health wise it has been 3 months since your comments. I find myself to be improving each new day after spending four decades in a relationship with my now ex wife. I'm no professional to diagnose NPD even though all of the symptoms are in abundance. Knowing now that I'm not the narc helps. At first I didn't know who I was after the discard, or what reality was. Peace be with you
@christinecooley9916
8 жыл бұрын
He physically, mentally, emotionally abused me and I went back over and over..believing in his lies.....but I wanted soooo badly for us to be a "happy little family" and raise our son (now 3) together.......in the end..I found out..he was two timing me with another women fro the past 4 years and..I actually got away from him..with my son..went to live with my mom but...then she got abusive..struck me across the face after I stuck up for my son and asked her to stop the abuse..she kept yelling and screaming saying "i want to hit him!!" went off about what a bad child he is and an "Illigitimate, fucking bastard!!!" and now...I am stuck here..with her....had to give him to his dad 9the narcissistic abusive spsychopath) to get him away from her.....I am...finally feeling a little better..it's been about a month now...I miss my son so much and ...told my mom I have to stay here after giving everyting up in Colorado to "start over" here in Arizona......my child support and my two older sons whom I am very close to and miss deeply.......have to save money....she hugged me..said she was sorry.........It feels...surreal sometimes. So depressed..trying real hard to...be happy. No more excuses. No more "cog dissonance"........and...just don't want to deal with any more abuse. This has gone on for years and i have to some how..reprogram my brain. :(..peace to everyone and I wish everyone love, safety and hope if ..you have to deal with abuse and "cog dissonance"..etc.....and thank you so much for your in depth wisdom..I listen to you and I can't tell you how much you help me. God bless you Melanie.
@dapage5
6 жыл бұрын
Boy does this hit home. Thank you for this video.
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
My pleasure Darla xoxox
@KatherynInc.
6 жыл бұрын
I love your grey sweater and scarf!
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you Roxann xoxox
@andycampbell91
3 жыл бұрын
Brave...courageous and articulate Melanie...x
@benjoseph8387
8 жыл бұрын
This is amazing stuff...very enlightening....and i stumbled on it purely out of enchantment with the sound of the CD phrase. So glad to hear this. thnx
@wardbischoff9165
3 жыл бұрын
Everything just makes more sense with Tiggy!
@profilingmanipulation
8 жыл бұрын
Somewhere I think you did the right thing going and opening up and burying it, my ex Overt Narc would play those tricks on very rare nights out I would get (& we're talking twice a year) - I.e going to my sisters Xmas week to help her wrap her 4 kids presents - I remember him texting and ringing how long, what time are you coming back & then the rage would start. At Xmas, eid, birthdays, deaths in the family, funerals - You name it he would sabotage it, and I would always be too traumatised to go and do whatever it was I was supposed to do. If my mom had on the very rare occasion asked me to go round & he would have to sit in because my daughter would be sleeping he'd be late &/or not turn up plus come in with a face like absolute thunder, I'd be half too scared to go.. Terrible times, Thank the Lord I'm free. Absolutely awful - You would not wish one of these guys on anyone, not even on each other because they STILL WOULDN'T GET IT... ;) Love, Light & Peace. Thanks for your vids, really appreciated xoxox
@jaynestagg9094
8 жыл бұрын
two words stand out in ur comment. sabotage and face like thunder. so glad I can relate with someone its so lonely carrying the memory of the abuse around on ur own
@profilingmanipulation
8 жыл бұрын
+Jayne Howard Sh*t isn't it when you realise just what has been going on.. Hope you're okay, be kind to yourself ♡♡♡
@brendadrew834
6 жыл бұрын
Agree with this, but my cognitive dissonance in my 42 love/hate marriage with an altruistic narc was his constant love bombing! Since he was a real Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, he would be occasionally emotionally abusive and then turn around and patch it up with old fashioned romance i.e. singing love songs to me, dancing, flowers, dinner out, spa treatments, tickets to concerts/theater, etc. Anything to put the band aids on the relationship to throw me off and forgive him! Since I was too trusting, too understanding and too forgiving, he stayed with that for decades because it was his way of getting his constant narcissistic feed from me! Why should he try and get it from other women when he got it in spades from this co-dependent? Working on the co-dependency with therapy and Alanon now! Thanks for another great informative video, much appreciated!
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
You are so welcome Brenda xoxox
@Misslotusification
5 жыл бұрын
Blowing hot and cold is called positive re-enforcement. It has an addictive quality due to the unpredictability, just like slot-machines working with hope.
@kerichampagne1202
8 жыл бұрын
Thank you Mel! you made it very easy to understand. Beautiful kitty
@erainalewis6092
8 жыл бұрын
It was horrible going back again and again and that pattern started when my father left
@jasonduncan8001
8 жыл бұрын
Excellent Melanie , right on point.
@Bahbahlatje
8 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this understanding. This really makes sense to me.
@corycrockett852
4 жыл бұрын
Wow very powerful message. I've gone to AA for years and have written a lot of earnest and Hemingway size inventories about my past childhood traumas but I've continued to make the same bad choices for years always asking myself why did this happen. I'm grateful I have a deeper understanding of the coined term doing the same thing hoping for different results. These habits and mannerisms are ingrained in me! This also plays a big part in how addicts relapse and die from the quick fix or the toxic relationslip
@charlottewilson5845
8 жыл бұрын
Excellent. Very helpful. Thanks Melanie.
@bloomingboomer8692
4 жыл бұрын
Melanie I went through this for months. I was journaling it the whole time and DIDN'T understand what was going on. And NO knowing what it was not enough to get out of it. The continuing belief was and is even now keeping me hooked. It doesn't help that he lives only 2 blocks away and every time I leave the house I'm reminded of him and all the times we had. I did have the literal panic of fear of annihilation that you describe. I am experiencing the need to reconnect and have the need to find justice combining to keep me stuck. Thank you for all your good work.
@GlendaKennedy
6 жыл бұрын
Wow so that is the why! That makes perfect sense. You are inside my head! I don't like to give up so by returning to try and "fix" it to get the happy ending to the unresolved traumas. Thanks so much!
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome Glenda, I'm so glad this video helped these pieces fit into place for you. Love and blessings xoxox
@lcm8766
8 жыл бұрын
Excellent!!! Thank you Melanie!
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
My pleasure Lisa xox
@Spritsailor
8 жыл бұрын
Thank you Doctor!
@frankiehope336
8 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Melanie! Excellent and extremely helpful video xxx
@christinamichelle8023
8 жыл бұрын
Fantastic video you worded it perfectly
@shonoamcclean-peters7004
7 жыл бұрын
This video opened my eyes to the dysfunction in my relationship, we both are narcissistic and have cognitive dissonance. We are both perpetrator and victim often in the same argument. I'm not sure where to go from here, can the relationship be heeled or am I hurting myself more? My answer is both.. I fear abandonment and rejection constantly from family, friends, strangers anyone really which I believe to be a result of loosing my father to suicide days before my 12th birthday. How do I go about explaining this to a therapist? Do you have more videos that may apply to my situation?
@kevinhotten5980
8 жыл бұрын
thank you
@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762
8 жыл бұрын
another amazing video. thank you.
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
My pleasure Laura xoxo
@keekeecomrie9292
7 жыл бұрын
Thank u you for explaining this so clearly, cheers
@lalikro
6 жыл бұрын
That was very elucidating, thank you Melanie!
@returntofleet
7 жыл бұрын
That was a really good one. Thanks, Melanie. Explained a lot x
@shyrose2466
8 жыл бұрын
thank you. your my favorite person on KZitem. xoxo
@erainalewis6092
8 жыл бұрын
This is all on point for me
@menow1650
5 жыл бұрын
thank you mel for telling your story
@lornocford6482
7 жыл бұрын
Another great video, thanks :)
@robertpainter1984
7 жыл бұрын
wooooow. a great video. can you maybe explain in one of your videos what exactly is a childhood wound? is it an energy? an emotion? a thought? i think that it is combination of all. what exactly happened in those moments when we were children? how could we be with that entity right now? thank you.
@MelanieToniaEvans
7 жыл бұрын
Hi Robert, the best way for you to experience "what" it is - is to come into my free workshop - where you learn how to contact them, load the up and shift them out - www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar That will help you understand more than anything! Its an "experiencing" thing. xoxox
@kelsachase7608
7 жыл бұрын
thank you. this sounds just like me! I need to do what you did. Tonight I just wanted to end my life until I watched this. Please what can I do? I know I am gonna die if I don't get help
@MelanieToniaEvans
7 жыл бұрын
Sweetheart, I would love you to have the free New Life Starter pack as this will help you to get started. If you are in crisis you need to get professional help and I urge you to seek that before trying to get any other type of help. Blessings to you xoxox blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-effects-of-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-after-narcissistic-abuse/
@UFO_computers
7 жыл бұрын
Kelsa - I am now just over two weeks No Contact from my emotional abuser, We need strength with each new evening. How are you today?
@freedom768
6 жыл бұрын
Again thank you Mel, your teaching so valuable ..My next step is too heal my iner child, thank you again.
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
My pleasure Avril xoxox
@candywilkins386
4 жыл бұрын
Yep, I stayed for 30 years to a covert- narrisst!!! I left him and came back over and over!!! Narrisst always blame you for their behavior and actions. Everything was always my fault to him which was not true of course. I'm permanently disabled from his abuse and homeless, bankrupt and unfortunately I got a horrible divorce lawyer and got nothing!!! God saved my life thought!!! God is rewriting my life story and it's going to be good!!! Thank you Jesus that you saved my son and daughter from dying he almost killed us all!!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
@erainalewis6092
8 жыл бұрын
I stayed state at the illusion that I would love that I would be heard and valued
@delagrazia
6 жыл бұрын
true,it was a belief My mom had told me that "crying was good for the baby to have strong lungs " thats the "extra"excuse i believe on top of "not get entitled" and bcoz after all she wouldnt waste the time pampering a baby,babies cry ,thats what they do
@b-positiveginny
Жыл бұрын
Thank you Melanie
@CosmicRuh8
8 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this great information..... 💚
@PathsToEmpowerment
8 жыл бұрын
You are welcome Aida xoxo
@Stellabyestarlight
8 жыл бұрын
+Melanie Tonia Evans Love and Light 🌟
@avecmoi9429
3 жыл бұрын
My younger brother was trashing his siblings and nephews inside the house where my Mom was dying. Months later he tried to use a sibling to "mediate." Now that mean brother is not contacted by me at all and all the other siblings are doing the same thing. He is a child abusing, wife beating bad person. He has been arrested for it. He tried to be an auxiliary cop and he has been a minster too, very insecure and dangerous person, who tried to appear good and his true nature was always revealed. Do not argue with these people. They love the attention and are not going to change. No contact with these people is the only choice to make, the only choice. There are almost 8 billion people on the planet. Enjoy your other relationships.
@djdoolittle1315
8 жыл бұрын
Thanks ✌️💚
@RMC978
Жыл бұрын
So smart! It’s so scary
@clarak5252
4 жыл бұрын
Wow, I think this is your best video. and I´ve watched ssoooo many of your videos. Thank you for giving me hope
@MelanieToniaEvans
4 жыл бұрын
Awww I'm so pleased that this connected with you so deeply Koala L! Love to you xoxox
@angelbythewings
5 жыл бұрын
Yup the truth will set you free, but that's hard to find in the first place
@Healingpath1988
3 жыл бұрын
Exactly the therapy mode needs a major upgrade - I’m in talk therapy years which didn’t help only regurgitation- that’s why I Iove Dr Gabor Maté 🙏
@mollyb1983
8 жыл бұрын
Brilliant
@Speaktok
8 жыл бұрын
To be free of one of my narcissists and then to be married to someone who refuses to wake up and realize he is a victim of abuse is past horrible. Because I see the damage his abusive narcissist has done and I also see how it is bothering him to see me evolve. He refuses to even lightly address how abusive his father is. So, in return he protects him and then tries to sabotage me. Which I think my husband realizes I am DONE watching him use me to lash out and be a problem in our marriage and blaming me for his father's horrible narcissistic abuse. I am seeing the evolving happen. I vowed I was going to have change this year. Some has been painful so far and some has been in ways that I have wanted for a long time.
@jaynestagg9094
8 жыл бұрын
protects him and sabotages me. ur spot on thats exactly how to explain it. I.m finding it a relief to be here and I.m beginning to understand through everyones comments that what happened to me was real. my ex husband tried to convince me I was crazy.
@Speaktok
8 жыл бұрын
Welcome! The evolving is so uplifting and amazing I feel like I just can't seem to get enough of the healthy, clean, happiness that comes with it. Things are changing in my house and I am really hoping that after some of the news my husband gave me this last week stays the way it is. I guess him and his father had a blow up and so my husband has gone 3 weeks with out hearing from his father. I am hoping it stays this way and he is starting to see the damage that his father does so he will no longer keep that bad karma in our lives. Two things can happen when you start to realize you are going to evolve and heal. People around you are going to join you and evolve or they are going to leave. Don't be sad if they do. It is not their time to evolve and that will happen for them on their terms. But if they do it with you that is a double YES!
@bevpaul8993
7 жыл бұрын
Yes, yes, yes. I DID get cancer 100% because of this very SICK issue. AND my desire to live & HEAL was stronger than the underlying causes of getting rectal cancer. That was 7 years ago; now I'm super healthy and finally am DONE w/this person in my life as of 2 weeks ago. I am loosing alot and gaining MORE. THANK YOU so much for your videos; they're literally saving my sanity & possibly my life. Thank you.
@MelanieToniaEvans
7 жыл бұрын
Bev that is so wonderful that you are doing GREAT! I am so pleased I can help xoxox
@UFO_computers
7 жыл бұрын
I’m a month behind you on the No Contact. May we gain strength and self love with every new night and day.
@danielmichalski2436
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you. This is exactly what I'm going through right now. Few hours ago when I considered getting back to my ex-girlfriend I felt elation, joy, relief, sadness and started crying. Fortunately, I know now rationally that this is not a good choice for me, not a healthy one. But, I cannot get through the "I can't live without her".
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome Daniel. I'm so glad this helps. Here is a two part blog that can help with this: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-evict-the-narcissist-from-your-head-and-move-on-with-your-life/ and blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-evict-the-narcissist-from-your-head-and-move-on-with-your-life-part-2/ You will know what to do next. Love and blessings xoxox
@teiwaz3095
5 жыл бұрын
Wow !!! (again) Early on in the video I was reminded of one of my favorite books, "Illusions" by Richard Bach..... "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours." ...... Thank you for helping me to see that for the longest time I couldn't do anything else...... And explaining why...... Thank the Gods the QFH system was uploaded in you, and even more that you had the Courage and Insight to share it !!!! I bless the day I was led to you and your endless fountain of knowledge and experience and understanding on all of this...... It's been a Godsend to FINALLY have not only some Real Answers but the way up and out !!!! Thank you.....Thank you..... Thank you !!!!!
@MelanieToniaEvans
5 жыл бұрын
You are very welcome Mary. Your message is so heartwarming and I'm so grateful to have been of help to you. Love and blessings sweetheart. xoxox
@calicomcgee
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing the intense need for survival, thank you so much. I don't know if I can get together. 😣💜🙏
@MelanieToniaEvans
4 жыл бұрын
Charla, please know that you are not alone and you can breakthrough this! Please come into my free healing webinar melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to understand more and how to do the healing process inside your body to can gain the inner strength and take your power back. The miracle is possible. Love and blessings xoxox
@wandaacat
6 жыл бұрын
Hi Melanie this is so excellent! Can you do video discussing the cognitive dissonance that those of us who grew up with narc parents end up with?... it does not develop in quite the same way as you describe here but it is surely huge and the outcome is the same: when one cannot think, in constant state of confusion, others have power over you.
@MelanieToniaEvans
6 жыл бұрын
Hi Greer, Thank you for your suggestion. I have added it to my suggestions list. Have you seen my videos on narcissistic mothers and fathers? Here are the links: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-heal-the-wounds-from-narcissistic-mothers/ blog.melanietoniaevans.com/narcissistic-fathers-healing-yourself-and-protecting-your-children-from-a-toxic-upbringing/ and this one on breaking free from toxic people and situations: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-free-yourself-from-toxic-people-and-situations/ These will help you to know what to do. Love and blessings xoxox
@jamnoise72
5 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this lesson. I feel blessed that I have found you. ❤ XX
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