Dating is, by definition, discriminatory : you are attracted to people for reasons and characteristics that they mostly don't have any control of. Simple as that.
@Kim-Yo-jong
Жыл бұрын
You have some control over them though. Representation in media and culture definitely play a part in who we are attracted to at least partially.
@mars10115
Жыл бұрын
Licht tune thank you! Not saying we have to change that but it IS the reason why.
@ThomasJDavis
Жыл бұрын
Another hard truth I believe is that a rejection in a dating context is actually personal. There's literally no more relevant context than in this context in which a rejection should be taken personal. And sometimes the reasons for the rejection can be helped and sometimes they can't. That's just how it goes.
@suzygirl1843
Жыл бұрын
@@Kim-Yo-jong And American media is anti-black and racist, unfortunately
@suzygirl1843
Жыл бұрын
@@kgaoletsaDNA0 Why you trolling?
@tavrincallas3218
Жыл бұрын
As an Italian guy, I really appreciate you poining out how people from the US tend to assume everything works in the same way it does in their country. It's really tiring and makes discussing issues with them that much more difficult
@fullmetaltheorist
Жыл бұрын
It's really annoying when they do that.
@howboutdat4053
Жыл бұрын
Murica baby #1, God I love this country. Also tbh, we do set the standards for a lot of things
@synr9611
Жыл бұрын
@@howboutdat4053 I promise you if you step foot outside of America you'll be proven wrong, you guys just have a massively ignorant population.
@sepulcher8263
Жыл бұрын
Could you give me an example in your experience, if that's okay?
@howboutdat4053
Жыл бұрын
@@synr9611 Been to other countries and nothing compares. Promise you that if actually visit, you'll change your mind.
@MsRainingDays
Жыл бұрын
I know you don't need to hear this, but I need to say this. You absolutely don't owe anyone an explanation on your hair or makeup. You are gorgeous regardless of superficial tweaks.
@Notcleverenough
Жыл бұрын
You should find someone who likes you the way that you like yourself. Common sense is so hard to find
@kiaadams104
Жыл бұрын
Wait... she made this whole video as a round about way to say "yes" I prefer white guys but ive dated other races. I'm not being a dick BUT... that is what I just watched, right?
@patriziosailor
Жыл бұрын
@@kiaadams104 Nope. you missed the point
@Dunnygirl21
Жыл бұрын
@@kiaadams104 Kia you are so lost. She doesn’t have a racial preference. She doesn’t prefer white men.🙄
@atuvera9021
Жыл бұрын
I always found her hair and how she style it to fit her really well.💖
@sollamander2206
Жыл бұрын
The first girl I was romantically involved with in high school very much fit my mental "prototype" of my personal dream girl. Tall, fair skinned, Irish looking, incredibly intelligent, intellectually curious and part of how we became interested in each other was with impassioned repartee in intellectual arguments. We were an absolutely awful couple and that made me realize fairly young that I had no idea what I actually wanted and that being open minded is the way to go.
@chaosswa-ee-ty5911
Жыл бұрын
I enjoyed this.
@vegahimsa
Жыл бұрын
the amount I relate to this is off the charts, thx for that!
@lowkeyconvert8971
Жыл бұрын
we do project the image in our own mind of how we think someone is based on their appearance and how we want them to be. inevitably, we get disappointed because that person does not align with the image we have in our own head.I feel like humans do a lot of projection generally speaking.
@ThroughDarknessComesLight
Жыл бұрын
Wait you want a tall girl ? I thought most men wanted a short petite women just like women want tall men .
@dhafiansuhartono8668
Жыл бұрын
@@ThroughDarknessComesLight no there's a surprising number of us who likes tall women
@tehvonfowler-chapman3170
Жыл бұрын
“I want to marry the wrong person for the right reasons” is a deeply beautiful statement.
@cervr1
Жыл бұрын
That’s an Oxymoron!
@adio8824
Жыл бұрын
Beautiful sentiment but the outcome is often a tragedy.
@finalchapter24k
Жыл бұрын
99% of the time that going to end up with a poor outcome.
@stabMyFaceOff
Жыл бұрын
Just prepare for the divorce
@giosbizarreart9048
Жыл бұрын
That shit sounds horrible L statement
@SandraF2408
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video. Here's a quote for you: "Some people will only love you if you fit into their box. Don't be afraid to disappoint them." Love your courage.
@user-ph4mg1mh9c
Жыл бұрын
This 💪🏼
@mikelisteral7863
Жыл бұрын
if i dated the girl in the video i imagine her giving me a long intellectual speech on why i should mow the lawn
@SandraF2408
Жыл бұрын
My assumption is she would show you the door and mow the lawn herself. No intellectual conversation would be required. But that's me and not her. I am projecting. Obviously! 😉
@nicotinedealer7653
Жыл бұрын
Where were you when I needed this
@gundamt437
Жыл бұрын
Love obviously isn't that, but when it comes to finding someone, that's exactly what everyone does. We find someone who fits into our checklist. Some people have absurd checklists, but a checklist nonetheless. I'm 💯 certain you won't go with every guy you meet, seeing as you made a comment about telling a guy to leave if he doesn't mow the lawn. I guess mowing the lawn is on your checklist 😉
@_shumba
Жыл бұрын
It is unfortunate that speaking eloquently as a black person can be seen as someone "acting white" as if eloquence and class is restricted to a certain type of skin colour. There will always be people who abide by the "crabs in a bucket" mentality where they will try to pull down those that have broken the mould even though they had the same opportunity to do so. Relationships are a complex matter but one of the most important aspects of relationships is having shared values and this can only be determined by the individual who is seeking a partner. I agree that it is wise to avoid the new methods of dating and to stick with the good old fashioned in-person interaction as body language is crucial to assessing potential partners.
@iamaku09
Жыл бұрын
I think, in the context of American history, speaking eloquently and class had been restricted to white people due to the privileges they had i.e education. Black people seldom had the same opportunities, those who made it “out” and mixed with white people adopted their way of speaking and culture and brought it back to their communities. That’s where the whole “speaking white” thing came from..because you literally sounded different from everyone around you. It’s like you speaking English at a family gathering in the village..unonzi ukuda kuzviita murungu. It doesn’t make much sense in the UK however, or anywhere else. Americans tend to project this context onto everyone.
@_shumba
Жыл бұрын
@@iamaku09 Good point, I agree that eloquence would seem more out of place in a country like Zim where there would have been a larger historical divide between vatema and varungu. However, it seems people use the term "speaking white" to put down those who have mastered fluency of another tongue or culture when they themselves could not or would not achieve the same feat. If you tried to learn another language, wouldn't you want to master the accent and perfect the intonations so that you can better assimilate into a culture? For some who do not manage to attain great eloquence of a language, they would rather put down the person who has managed to do so. Of course, I do understand that this would be much harder for an older person to do. However, when considering a British or American context, there really is not much of an excuse for not attaining eloquence, and yet people still put others down for doing so.
@Therealw1
Жыл бұрын
@@_shumba Whiteness is exclusionary, not inclusionary. That is the answer.
@rethinks5054
Жыл бұрын
@@Therealw1 physicist say sun ☀️ is white, sky particles reflect yellow hence you see yellow. white have all colors
@MsPeabody1231
Жыл бұрын
@@iamaku09 She, like me, is a black woman from the UK. In the UK there are plenty of black people who speak like her - well us. It isn't white it is how you end up speaking if you are involved in certain arenas e.g. Anglican church, go to certain universities (not just Oxbridge), or work in certain career areas.
@savagerockman
Жыл бұрын
I can definitely relate. I am a man who is considered attractive and I was celibate until I was 27. I was often told by my guy friends that I was crazy for not capitalizing on my looks and that I was too picky by my female friends. While there were plenty of women I found attractive there weren't many that I wanted to date. And the few I did often rejected me, for various reasons. If I wanted just sex I had that option but that on its own was never was what I was looking for. I think it is hard for people to understand in our "value" driven society what it means to truly desire relationship. I don't think many people understand how to let something develop and grow, relationship just seems to be one more set of milestones to achieve. I've also received a decent amount of flak for being black and dating outside of my race. But that was never a consideration for me, it was hard enough finding someone who wanted to take the time.
@kiaadams104
Жыл бұрын
That's because of our ( african Americans) brutal history and the overwhelming number of blacks today living with crippling self hate due to growing up in a society obsessed with European beauty standards... that's why people act funny about blacks dating outside there race. People assume who you are dating is a reflection of how you value yourself..... also what do you want out of romance then? I was confused as to what you want? You seem to want something more than skin deep but your are also obviously proud of being conventionally attractive.
@savagerockman
Жыл бұрын
@@kiaadams104 I'm not particularly proud of being attractive, I wanted to give context. I wasn't involuntary celibate, just selective. I typically play down my looks by letting my beard grow out, wearing larger clothes, etc. My interactions with people tend to be more genuine when I do. As to what I was looking for in relationships, it comes back to what I said earlier. Someone who would take the time. It has been my experience that people, regardless of gender, love the idea of romantic relationship or the benefits of one more than actually taking time to get to know someone. And yes, I understand why people get weird about me dating outside my race. For me it is just one more thing really, I've been viewed as too white by many of my peers since I was a child, it is what it is at this point.
@user-vx3wc8yc9v
Жыл бұрын
It is a milestone though, if you don't get certain pair bonding experiences done in your formative years, you'll be emotionally and mentally stunted in regards to pair bonding.
@kiaadams104
Жыл бұрын
@@savagerockman interesting... just going off your comment of : " dressing down and growing a beard" to hide your attractiveness/beauty, I don't know man. it's kinda obvious you have a sizeable ego and are very proud of your looks. Also, clearly you think you're smart. so much so you "dumb down" your looks so people notice your brain... but the way you say it. Like it's some badge of honor to "ugly" yourself up because you are so deep and smart and misunderstood...I don't know why but you come of as not only secretly loving your attractiveness and appeal but also seemingly in love with your intellectual leanings. Imma guess deep deep down you think you are superior to people because you pursue "genuine " connections. Right? Or what you deem as "deep". Seems self masturbatory to me and like false ... I don't know the word... sincerity?... blacks who come off as white always make it seem like it's because they are so smart and misunderstood by black culture as if to say, and ever so slightly, that blackness is inferior. I can see why you might have a hard time dating black women.
@savagerockman
Жыл бұрын
@@kiaadams104 Damn, you found me out. Well played.
@witchplease9695
Жыл бұрын
Before I met my husband, i was told by multiple men that "If you weren't Black, you'd be perfect/girlfriend/wife material" which is why I tend to doubt that preference is simply not a choice. A lot of stereotypes and bigotry play into preference. I don't try to change anyone, but I don't trust them either.
@Luckimee
11 ай бұрын
What a terrifying statement. If honestly be worried about my safety
@h3llboyyy407
11 ай бұрын
@@Luckimeehonest people are genuinely better to be around. Ppl are already thinking of things judgmental yet won't say it.
@nicholascoob1350
10 ай бұрын
I agree, it isn't always malicious but preferences imo are inherently bigoted to some extent especially so if it's in the context of interracial dating.
@djangounchained9387
10 ай бұрын
They didnt find you physically attractive. If your behaviour was perfect to wife then that is the only other reason.
@jasonmelo9379
9 ай бұрын
Are you kidding? I don't believe that multiple people said that to you. Never mind just one.
@ruemissm6800
Жыл бұрын
Hey gorgeous sis... You don't owe people an explanation. It's unfortunate that black women are criticized for liking any other race besides black men... They attacked your hair and makeup because they assumed black women get hurt by such comments... Stay strong and go where you're loved not tolerated ❤️...
@nmart1n
Жыл бұрын
Absolutely, that last part ❤
@thelying2594
11 ай бұрын
This happens to me I'm a black girl but I found myself liking Hispanic and Asian men and was even ridiculed by my mother because she saw it as racism. Funnily my dad was the one to say that she was wrong in her ideas. It's tragic we have such backwards thinking.
@6Angello1
9 ай бұрын
@thelying2594 I'm a black guy (mixed) but I find every race attractive tbh .
@goodwork887
Жыл бұрын
You're the first person I've ever heard say how much better they get treated with a weave. I experienced the same thing many years ago. In fact, the straighter the hair in the weave, the better people would treat me! It was stunning and totally unexpected. But I had a boyfriend back then who didn't like the weave, and preferred my natural hair, so I would only sometimes put one in and only a couple months at a time. I don't think people realize how much they judge people by their hair. On the dating of types, that same boyfriend, my first fiance but not my eventual husband, remained friends with me for over a decade after we stopped dating. I met 2 of his girlfriends and then his eventual wife. They were all blondes, whereas I am caramel colored African-American. I asked him why he always dated blondes. He essentially said that was his type. So then I asked him why he dated me. His answer was, "Because you're you." I'm happy to have helped him successfully court his eventual wife. Though we didn't remain friends after he married, I'll forever be grateful to him for just how deeply seen and affirmed he had the ability to make me simply as a person. He truly did not see race when engaging with me, even though he witnessed clear anti-black racism when with me multiple times. Even hanging out with his family, and his cousins using the N word to describe black people not present. He stuck by me with his family until they accepted me as someone about to become a part of the family. Though I broke it off with him for important reasons, it's good to be taught that your value goes beyond any boxes anyone might check.
@leigh7507
Жыл бұрын
They weaponise it against you when it suits them
@kgonzalez8098
Жыл бұрын
If this isn’t the most beautiful thing ever.
@themarathoncontinues4211
Жыл бұрын
@@kgonzalez8098 the type of self esteem that allows you to date someone while their family members refer to your people as a racial slur is not beautiful. This is largely sad.
@s0ne01
Жыл бұрын
@@themarathoncontinues4211 i think they're talking about the relationship and the growth that came from there.
@themarathoncontinues4211
Жыл бұрын
@@s0ne01 I still have to disagree respectfully. As someone who’s from a family background that wouldn’t be open to certain cultures… if I truly care about someone from those cultures I shouldn’t bring them around my family to begin with. It’s just unnecessary trauma + conflict. If he truly cared for her, he would’ve let HER go. Not other way around. Your partner should never be “tolerated” by your in-laws over being black/white etc.
@richardhuckaby
Жыл бұрын
People need to chill with projecting their version of reality onto others via KZitem comments. Especially when their reality is clearly full of a lot of unexplored assumptions. Thanks for another great and thought-provoking video 👏🏾
@Natnat994
Жыл бұрын
Yes!! Some people need to go to therapy clearly.
@TadanoCandy
Жыл бұрын
Everytime someone on KZitem has replied to my comment with an assumption about me, they’ve been totally wrong lol the most recent case was today when someone assumed I hadn’t met many Americans… I live in the US 🙃
@acct4600
Жыл бұрын
reality is not relative. there is only one reality... smh. this weird new age thinking that reality can be relative, is the reason why everyone is so misguided & nobody knows real from fake or true from false. there is no such thing as "my truth" water is wet & the sky is blue... PERIOD. "well my truth says that the sky is orange" no... its blue. this is why this generation is so confused. they literally don't know how many genders there are (hint: there's only 2) people are so confused about truth that there's a documentary called "what is a woman" showing how confused far left ppl are about gender... its insane smh
@TadanoCandy
Жыл бұрын
@@acct4600 is the sky blue to a blind person?
@dishamal5548
Жыл бұрын
Oww that's great some men r watching this too.. ❤️
@kristinberthiaume7634
Жыл бұрын
“Preferences are not choices.” This. I’ve interacted with many perfectly eligible men who fit right into my supposed “type” without being attracted to them, and as you said, the men I am attracted to usually don’t align with my pre-established preferences. I don’t know what makes me attracted to an individual, I can’t predict it, I can’t control it, and my attraction can’t be earned - and this leaves potential partners often confused and disappointed. Who can blame them?
@HibiTeamQueso
Жыл бұрын
That's the opposite for men lol And what you are discribing sounds miserable tbh
@kristinberthiaume7634
Жыл бұрын
@Bamboo Shoot I appreciate your input friend, but I'm afraid you've missed the point: for certain women, including myself, "value" doesn't consistently determine attraction, thanks to some unpredictable, uncontrollable X factor. Our attractions are actually misaligned with our "shopping list", and we can fully recognize the value of a person without feeling attraction (and never know why).
@ece282
Жыл бұрын
@Bamboo Shoot there is no peak attractiveness…you can’t simplify humans like that…some racial groups age better than others and some have better health and lifestyle, darker skin ages better etc… Latin and Asian women and men age well …plenty of people are late bloomers…there are women in my family who didn’t get rid of their baby fat (in their face) and acne until their late 20s…they were their most beautiful in their 30s plus…it just depends…men have their peak virility and stamina in their 20s too. Testosterone decreases and men sperm count decreases with age. Men sex drive decreases with age and women’s sex drive and body confidence increases with age(hence the popular cougar cub phenomenon). The chance of autism and other disabilities for a child increase if their sperm donor is old or over 50s….a lot of the stories of old men being able to get a woman pregnant --were cuckold arrangements and the woman was cheating with a younger virile man. Women live longer on average, so men shouldn’t have kids past their 40s because they won’t be able to be as physically active and involved. they can’t match the energy of younger man. men have a sell by date but money can change perception. Still doesn’t change reality that more man pass without getting a change to have a wife and kids. most men will get old and still be poor so they can’t buy the perception of being high value post their peak stamina and virility of their youth😢
@sin3358
Жыл бұрын
Tbh this is a bit like lottery, but only those who are really good at math get it lol. Me and my bf are very compatible, but we both went through a few flings/relationships before we met each other, and then we weren't that healthy people. We ended up growing and realizing what we want in a relationship and what we don't want in our partner. Imo, preferences should not be based on what you're looking for in a person, but what you don't want. Everything is fluid. Get to know yourself, your values, your love languages, what do you not like? You have to work hard to maintain your relationship anyway, you might as well select the people you date by knowing the red flags right away
@kristinberthiaume7634
Жыл бұрын
Thank you, this is some really kind advice! I appreciate it!
@KickedBackL
Жыл бұрын
As someone who’s recently been hired on as a security guard, that little story about her ex gave me hope lmao. I’ve become kinda insecure about my financial situation even though I’m only 19, it’s nice to hear someone talking about liking someone for your shared connection to one another rather than all the rhetoric about ‘high value men’ and ‘luxurious respectable women’. The current state of social media discourse around relationships would lead many to believe all that matters for one is if you’re rich, beautiful, and DTF at the drop of a pen. It’s exhausting 😅
@coscorrodrift
Жыл бұрын
i mean being 19 and insecure about being broke makes 0 sense, like who tf is rich at 19 unless their parents are lmao. worry about not fumbling the bag a little for your own sake but definitely not in the dating realm LOL
@Gifted147
Жыл бұрын
In todays age teenagers are rich off of social media it’s not far fetched that a 19 year old could feel financially insecure
@nonniperkl6273
Жыл бұрын
Honestly as a fellow 19 year old, all i can say to you my friend is that dont fear being little cringe time to time. You just have to own it. Really helps with confidence which in turn truly rules in the dating market.
@coscorrodrift
Жыл бұрын
@@Gifted147 yeah i get the feeling but idk just talking to a couple of ppl IRL and knowing what they earn will make you really feel better about yourself XD
@michaeltrinh4394
Жыл бұрын
If you work full time you're not making peanuts, hopefully. Women who say that money isn't important still have a minimum standard of who they date long term, and we shouldn't confuse that with the idea that they like broke guys in general. Money IS important in a relationship, better to be on the same page about it for long term relationships.
@shiftit6133
Жыл бұрын
I feel you. It's such a turn off if a guy tries to sell himself through his salary, showing of with designer clothes and watches, his car, his social status or his leading position in company (good for him though), but not his person or character. Generally, I give a second try, because, maybe he just had insecurities on the first date. But if it continues in the second date... I am just not willing to deal with such people... I don't even know how to call this trait of this guys'
@lowkeyconvert8971
Жыл бұрын
it's interesting to me because I've experienced this but guys only do this when they get the sense you are not interested. they start getting desperate and talking about their finances, lol, as if that will change things. maybe for some chicks it does. just keep your dignity and move onto the next chick.
@eenchantress5113
Жыл бұрын
Yes it’s such a turn off.
@starkid9736
Жыл бұрын
c it as male makeup
@jeangrey5952
Жыл бұрын
Men do that, just like how women show off their bodies to attract men.
@KimPhilby203
Жыл бұрын
And Yet if a Guy turns up on a date without a Car , a woman will assume he's a looser., Reality is women are so demanding and picky that a lot of guys just walk away altogether..Feminism has given Women Equality and Freedom but also made us Bitter Angry miserable creatures
@MFKitten
Жыл бұрын
I have always been highly skeptical of online dating or otherwise "online-grown" relationships. You don't truly know someone fully until you know their physical person.
@kiaadams104
Жыл бұрын
Spitting factz
@roxydee1452
Жыл бұрын
Yes! There's a saying: "On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog."
@daano465
Жыл бұрын
Right, but isnt the whole point of these dating apps to just be a market place where you can find people to then meet IRL? Its not about forming an online relationship right
@MFKitten
Жыл бұрын
@@daano465 the intended use and the actual use tend to diverge a whole bunch.
@htsunmiku
Жыл бұрын
Yep. This is why I'd never online date unless I knew there was 100% intention (and possibility) to actually meet up irl in a consistent manner.
@goosewithagibus
Жыл бұрын
I'm glad you mentioned the thing about how a lot of people don't care about traditional success. I've found people are really judgemental and rude that I plan to keep working simple, low stress jobs until I feel I wanna do something else. In the meantime I focus on my art: writing, programming, and other miscellaneous stuff. Maybe one day I'll actually finish my game. Maybe one day one of my stories will be complete. At which point I'll probably sell them. And I don't expect much. Maybe 10 sales? Idrc. I just wanna share it. This confuses people. But I'm honestly going alright, aren't I? I'm in a good relationship, with a stable income, I live below my means with the only debt being a car payment, I have little to no stress at work because I just stock shelves, I get a flexible schedule, I get to worry about myself outside work. A lot of these things (especially the work related stuff) don't seem true for most people. I just don't care about breaking my back trying to get a "good job" just so I can work myself into the ground for some rich ass CEO. Some people genuinely enjoy that. But not me. I just wish people weren't judgmental about it. Edit: thanks for the kind words, everyone. I didn't think anybody would read this. But I'll also say that it can be very difficult to turn off capitalist programming to just enjoy what you want to enjoy. I still feel a connection between my desire to do art and a feeling that if I can't make money of it, then I'm doing something wrong. Good luck to all of you!
@alexterieur8813
Жыл бұрын
This way of living should be talked about more
@lee_rayyy58
Жыл бұрын
This is so interesting! I love this way of thinking actually
@SQUELCH-zj7il
Жыл бұрын
That's so cool😮
@evedotcom
Жыл бұрын
Yesss love to read this. This is basically me too. Art is primary. Work is simple and very much secondary. The levels of judgement over status and career is ridiculous. I am with you!! 👊
@Sunmoonandstars123
Жыл бұрын
This exactly! Capitalism has literally waged psychological warfare against this mindset of being content living outside of the rat race. If the meaning of life was to pursue relentless growth than the planet wouldn’t be dying and cancer/mental illness/stress wouldn’t be an epidemic.
@niloticnya
Жыл бұрын
i’ve become so cynical that i’m trying to be as least attractive as i can to men. i became cynical when i was abused at home and faced relentless xenophobia, colorism, and bullying from everyone outside. i grew up feeling hated by everyone around me over things i couldn’t control. when my body matured, i was still hated but sexualized. i prayed to look different to be accepted, but i knew i was beautiful, at least in my culture, but knew nobody else would think so. but if i were white or lighter skinned, i could attract men that are racist or colorist without knowing. what do men who remove other peoples humanity treat their preferences? i don’t want to meet them, and if my dark skin rejects them, that’s fine. after attracting unwanted attention from men when wearing wigs, i decided to wear my short stringy 4c hair out to literally top it off. after hearing of diogenes the cynic, i decided to get used to the idea of people hating me by actively choosing to do what they hate. i had no choice but to be cynical after being shat on by the world. but i want girls that look like me to be successful. instead of putting my features on a pedestal, i’m simply normalizing them until people don’t notice. as i got older people thought i was beautiful. regardless, preferences impact how people are treated and it’s a system where it’s understandable to partake in, i simply won’t. being cynical is seen as a negative thing, but for the first time in my life i can accept who i am because of it.
@LibraryAstro
Жыл бұрын
Your dp contradicts your first sentence.
@deemorena1331
Жыл бұрын
❤❤❤
@nikicarrie4071
Жыл бұрын
If that picture is you, you actually are beautiful. The you spoke about yourself I thought you would look like troll. You are beautiful seriously
@niloticnya
Жыл бұрын
@@LibraryAstro it was from like 2020 and i just started changing my appearance this summer. i just don’t take pictures lol but i still like dressing nice bc i genuinely use it to express myself and for a sense of control
@niloticnya
Жыл бұрын
@@nikicarrie4071 thank you 😭 hopefully i can use it to normalize features like mine so others can appreciate theirs. it’s superficial but its a start
@yazinixinindlu5333
Жыл бұрын
I absolutely enjoy Kidology's videos because she is so honest and intentional in things she says especially concerning her upbringing and experiences as black women in the UK and growing up in SA. As a fellow black woman, I can 100% back up what she saying about dating black men and many of them leading with the pockets and achievements. For many of them, that is a great part of their identity and as much as we can appreciate that and be happy for them, she has a right to not want to enter relationships with those sorts of dynamics. As a fellow South African, I can say that the socio-political atmosphere between 1994 and 2004 was quite unique because as much as racism was being dealt with at an institutional and political level, many of the people were still racist and many black were still oppressed. Although I can say it has gotten better (also depends who you ask), people process it differently. Kidology's upbringing and life is so unique but instead of people appreciating that her story is reminder that there is no one type of black person, they want to weaponize it and make her feel ashamed of how she feels and conducts herself in the world - which is wrong. Despite all she's been through she can 100% still befriend, love, date (and even marry) a white person and has all the right to befriend, love, date and marry a black person (should she choose to do so). All the comments about her trying to appeal to white people or possibly avoiding black people in the dating space are trash! Lastly, Kidology owes us no explanations as to who she chooses to be involved in and why. We should also not think that because she's sharing a portion of her life with us, we know suddenly have the right to make inferences about her life (which are probably all bias and incorrect anyway). ENKOSI (thank you :)) for the great video Kid, really enjoyed all your takes and honesty. With great admiration from Cape Town
@zenko_artz2675
Жыл бұрын
This right here ❤❤
@augustusgloopfangirl8751
Жыл бұрын
I know this goes against basically everything you have just said but I think I have just fallen in love with you lol. As a Black woman born in Britain, You pretty much just explained my whole dating background and made me realise the real reason for my 'preferences'. I grew up in a predominantly white area and when I did eventually move to the city, I was ostracised and humiliated by black people for my supposed inability to be what they perceived as 'black'. My parents are African and so naturally when asked I would explain that I too was from X. I was often told that I most definitely was not (by fellow Africans) and this really did hurt. I was bullied and othered more so by my own people than White people. My taste in music, clothes etc was not perceived as stereotypically black (point made by other black people) and I often found I had nothing in common with black men. I never tried to specifically date a particular person it almost always just happened and naturally I never questioned it. Listening to you has been incredibly therapeutic and very helpful to understand myself on a deeper level. Thank you x
@vincentalakija5515
Жыл бұрын
Out of curiosity, are you in a relationship now ? Also do uou date a wide variety of men or a specific type ? Just asking out of curiosity.
@toasterowens8916
Жыл бұрын
Ngl I'm getting the feeling you just weren't fun to be around. I was influenced a lot by white people because of the school I went to and gated popular hip pop when I was younger for whatever braindead reason but I still got a long fine with black people when I got to college
@SoPerfectYasmin
Жыл бұрын
Africa is a continent babe. There’s no fellow Africans because there’s different ethnicities. You’re making it seem like it’s all the same. If you’re from eg Ghana someone from South Africa generally wouldn’t give a damn about you nor relate to you. We need to stop this.
@toasterowens8916
Жыл бұрын
@@SoPerfectYasmin we need to stop saying babe
@augustusgloopfangirl8751
Жыл бұрын
@@SoPerfectYasmin It is??!! NO FRIGGIN WAY SHUT UP
@PrayTellGaming
Жыл бұрын
I was about 14 when I realized I'd probably be bald by the time I was 30ish. As I got older I would buzz my hair shorter and shorter to help disguise it. One day, I think I was 27 or 28, I shaved it. It was hard for me to go out into public as a bald shaved person... So I wore a hat for the first few times lol but a couple of weeks later I went out without a hat... I was waaay in my head overthinking it lol but now I don't even think about it. It helps me feel like im bald by choice, and I kinda like how I look now. Bald and bearded. I'd love to see how your natural hair looks!
@michaels4255
Жыл бұрын
Were you right about being naturally bald by 30?
@PrayTellGaming
Жыл бұрын
@@michaels4255 not as bald as I thought, but still balding enough that I just didn't feel comfortable being in public. Now, if I forget to shave after 2 weeks I start hiding my head lol
@daano465
Жыл бұрын
@@PrayTellGaming woud hate to go bald, ive got an absolute terrible head shape for that, huge forehead haha. Oye, not a thick bear either, I think ill wear some kind of cap when it happens too.
@PrayTellGaming
Жыл бұрын
@@daano465 does it run in your family? I had baldness from my dad and thin hair from my mom so I just knew it was a losing battle... I had to accept it for my sanity.
@tokyoeatstheglobe8567
Жыл бұрын
Bald and bearded is my favorite combo on a man 😍
@OfficiallyUnofficialAlCooper
Жыл бұрын
Just wanted to say that I adore your thoughtful, stimulating presentations. Keep up the good intellectual fight and work, and I feel your pain on the challenges of dating and matching up with persons you are attracted to and who optimally would also find you attractive. Given who is single at any given time, access to those who would also be single and interested, etc. along with the complex emotional landscape of dating, it's a time, space, and available persons problem that sadly isn't easily resolved. Namaste.
@Lucas-nf9xc
Жыл бұрын
bro, she is already earning alot of money from us watching her so save your money and invest it. Even if your super rich and don't care about it, donate it to people who really need it. Don't fund her chanel makeup products🤣
@SoPerfectYasmin
Жыл бұрын
@@Lucas-nf9xc you’re bitter and poor. What a pity.
@The-Oneness11
Жыл бұрын
@@Lucas-nf9xc Let him support who he wants to support.
@j-don6668
Жыл бұрын
@@Lucas-nf9xc Whats wrong with you?
@Lucas-nf9xc
Жыл бұрын
@@j-don6668 sorry for suggesting helping the poor
@indrinita
Жыл бұрын
“Let’s be more empathetic to one another” - Amen sister. Couldn’t agree more. The audacity of these people thinking they know you and making all sorts of assumptions that are so off.
@ProcrastinatingPoet
Жыл бұрын
I love how mature you are, that life is how it is, and we've got to get over it. Some thing's are worth getting angry about/ putting energy in; but you've got to pick your battles.
@Kirbychu1
Жыл бұрын
Dating is and always has been hard for most people. It's just now we're being fed these stupid apps with promises that there's actually an abundance of choice and its easy now. Honestly I feel stupid for even trying to make those apps work for years. At least I'm no longer chasing an illusion.
@zombiedeathrays8862
Жыл бұрын
As a North American black person there were definitely some things you’ve said that I found hurtful/problematic when I first discovered your channel. But as I learned more about your background and experience I’ve come to appreciate and value the uniqueness of your experience and perspective. Getting to know 30% of you has kept me coming back to the channel and your videos always have me thinking. Hopefully the hateful comments don’t get you down. Your channel is unique and enjoyable for many!
@apextroll
Жыл бұрын
What was it that you found hurtful?
@zombiedeathrays8862
Жыл бұрын
@@apextroll hi Apextroll 👋. Not the point of my post. I was trying to convey that my first impression was ill-formed.
@apextroll
Жыл бұрын
@@zombiedeathrays8862 I see. Thank you for responding back. I am in 100% agreement with her observation that Americans(not so much Canadians) see the world through an American lens, black, white or otherwise.
@zombiedeathrays8862
Жыл бұрын
@@apextroll Cool 👍
@whatsonhermindblog123
Жыл бұрын
I totally agree with you as a black american.
@curiousteddie
Жыл бұрын
It's incredibly telling how the comments tried to make you feel bad about being both too "cheap" and for enjoying nice things too much -- goes to show that the priority is always going to be being hurtful, rather than any "honest critique" or "tough love" they might try to shroud themselves in. You're absolutely lovely, and your videos are always refreshingly nuanced, incisive, and an absolute pleasure to watch
@hdhdhhxhsbd4864
Жыл бұрын
What really wonders me is the fact that most guys stopped texting you after you told them you would rather meet them in person asap. There are countless men on dating apps who write "lets meet up fast, no fan of texting" in their bio, honestely at least 70% from my experience.
@pootlovato8237
Жыл бұрын
i was thinking about that too. i think it’s because she clarified that she’s looking to meet up to get to know people, and i doubt calling herself a “serial ghoster” helped much either 😅
@NoName-sp5dp
Жыл бұрын
@@pootlovato8237 like true. Serial ghoster was a red flag
@user-vx3wc8yc9v
Жыл бұрын
Where does this happen? I've never heard of this before.
@michaels4255
Жыл бұрын
I think most men view the internet as a tool to set up a meeting where two people can evaluate each other more realistically than when they are remote. Also, men worry that some women will monopolize their time with internet chat but have no intention of actually meeting. Then the men feel like they have invested a lot of their time for nothing.
@justdoit.86yearsago
Жыл бұрын
It’s probably because most people on dating apps aren’t really there to date. They are either trolling or bored
@Bsiobloom
Жыл бұрын
I made it to the 4-minute mark, and what you said has resonated with me. I too have deep insecurities when it comes to my hair. 4C hair isn't praised and seen as feminine, especially short or mid-length. I love looking feminine and want to feel beautiful not just from myself but from society too. (sadly) So I wear braids and style my hair and would only leave the home with my 4c hair once in a blue moon. You are right people treat you differently based on your hair. Even one of my biggest fears is being vulnerable with someone and showing them my natural hair as I have equated to it being unfeminine and a messy appearance. While I'm 19 I guess I still have a long way to go with self-development and identity because our hair is beautiful and unique and I hope I can believe that one day.
@porchiajohnson1441
Жыл бұрын
Same sister. I hate my natural 4c hair so much that when I think about wearing it publicly I feel shame and disguist. I hate that I feel this way but it helps me to cope knowing most black girls do.
@Reese493
Жыл бұрын
Girls I just want to say, your hair is gorgeous. Always was and always is. Get to know your mane
@pretty7995
Жыл бұрын
Another self hating black women
@themarathoncontinues4211
Жыл бұрын
@@porchiajohnson1441 most western black women. These aren’t issues on the continent, which is why you all should visit. It’s good for self esteem of both black men and women of the diaspora.
@chrystianaw8256
Жыл бұрын
@@themarathoncontinues4211what a lie
@finland4ever55
Жыл бұрын
The thing with the whole "racial preferences is automatically a fetish or being toxic" is that it's like, they promote interracial marriage and blending, yet as soon as it happens people are quick to accuse you of being racist and "hypersexualizing POC", yet the hypocrisy again lays in how you never get called fetishizing when you have an interest in say, Italians, Maltese, German, French, Scottish, Australian, or Finnish people, yet as soon as you dare to touch a black, Asian, Latine, Pacific Islander, or indigenous person, or are interested in multiple ones, it's somehow always a terrible thing. And I feel that even though I'm black, I'd be bullied, because while I have preferences when it comes to white people (I find myself drawn to Irish, Scottish, Finnish, Norwegian, Eastern European, Italian, and German men), but I have a thing for Asian men POC-wise, two of my crushes, back when I was in school, and didn't really know about races or nationalities, two of my crushes were Asian, specifically Chinese and Korean. And I have since had feelings for multiple other Asians, currently I have the biggest crush on a Japanese man, and recently even developed feelings at the same time for a Filipino, I feel awkward because it's like, I won't reject a guy just because he's not Asian, but the fact that I like Asian guys immediately will get me harassed, even though it's like, all the Asians I've felt for were great people, and I don't know why, but I've seen Asian guys as more handsome on average. So I kinda get it, I feel conflicted on this because the internet loves bullying you and cancelling everything. So, I feel no shame for liking who I like, yet at the same time there are so many people who'll be like "You shouldn't want to be with Shoji, Jose, and Chen" or "You can only choose one, any more is an evil racist fetish".
@miaka123ify
Жыл бұрын
I understand u I really have a preference for Asian men or mixing with some Asians, I just can't deny it. But soon after I spoke about it people start asking questions: like why do you feel that? or even accuse me of fetching them. Why people can't just accept there is more than white, nobody asks u or judge u if u say u like a white man .....
@emeryboehnke4259
Жыл бұрын
Dang, so true about the preferences or hard lines people draw. I think for nearly everyone, the right person can come along that breaks one of your preferences. People are just too complicated for stringent rules.
@realshantia
Жыл бұрын
I'm loving your personal topic content. I also hate dating apps and texts but then I also hate meeting up with men immediately off these apps because how safe is that? I'm surprised most guys didn't want to meet up with you because in my experience they immediately wanted to meet up and that creeped me the heck out. Like you, I'm more interested in meeting guys in person now. I'm sure you know that you don't have to explain your preferences or your appearance to anyone but you did, so thanks for putting yourself out there and being relatable.
@michaels4255
Жыл бұрын
"Like you, I'm more interested in meeting guys in person now."- How is that any safer?
@hq200
Жыл бұрын
@@michaels4255 in my experience girls usually send the photo of the guy they are meeting to her friends. The picture of the guy on the app might not be the guy you're meeting up with. Some of them don't want to do a video chat before you meet either because they say it's "awkward" and they'd rather just break the ice in person.
@jacwest7406
Жыл бұрын
I hate texting, I also always tried to meet up in person ASAP when I was on apps, but always somewhere public and that I would enjoy being at even without a date. So if something happened and they cancelled, I still had fun, and if the date was sour it was easy to end the date, go somewhere else, etc. I can't believe how many people are willing to meet up with strangers at someone's house, that's terrifying to me! Especially giving out your own address to someone you've texted a few times.
@lolablake9196
Жыл бұрын
Omg yes I’ve also been super creeped by people wanting to meet up so soon but I had one person in particular who creeped me out the most. He wanted to meet immediately after the hi how are you, fine stage 😅
@realshantia
Жыл бұрын
@@jacwest7406 I agree that a nice public place that can be enjoyed solo would be an ideal meet-up.
@SapphireChristella
Жыл бұрын
I honestly love this and your last video. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable. I am a black queer women who’s with the wrong person for the right reason and I’m truly so happy. I’ve been saying it for a while but this is the most articulate way I’ve heard it said. Also yes thank you for this perspective about yourself and how KZitem focuses on black Americans and America in general. As a black American that was super humbling and I appreciate it.
@aly-marie4825
Жыл бұрын
Met my bf almost a year next month in nov ! We met at a wedding. His ability to be vulnerable with me so early on and has kept it open and honest with me consistently… makes me want to be with him for the rest of my life.
@Willow-cw9te
Жыл бұрын
That is so sweet 🥺🥺
@kgonzalez8098
Жыл бұрын
Does he have a brother. Or an uncle or even a grandad. I’ll take any male of any age that can do that.
@indiald3373
Жыл бұрын
Keep us updated on your beautiful journey.
@rizzybone964
Жыл бұрын
Aww I’m routing for you!
@danielstrau5555
Жыл бұрын
ur gonna lose interest and leave him
@FabalociousDee
Жыл бұрын
I have probably commented this before, but you truly have no idea how much you're healing people with your commentary. Please continue to do what you do, I personally love hearing about your experiences, and the conclusions you come to from those experiences.
@eliashe1797
Жыл бұрын
mostly agree with the OP. I'd merely add that dating outside one's existing preferences, whatever one so happens to think those are, is a good deliberate sort of action to take. In online dating I've found being brave enough to look at someone's profile and think 'why not give it a go' has been rewarding. It is not such a hard thing to do, not really sure why so many seem to find it so difficult.
@oneigboboy
Жыл бұрын
I genuinely want to have a conversation with Kid. She has so many introspective thoughts and there are some questions I would love to bounce off her and hear her thoughts on. Till then, great video as always
@Kim-Yo-jong
Жыл бұрын
I wish I had that opportunity. She would be a fun person to get vulnerable with.
@neurodivergentpixi6736
Жыл бұрын
I can't imagine a situation where you don't look pretty. Like you're SO pretty. I'm positive your natural hair and bare face are SO pretty. But what YOU like is most important.
@KingSawyer313
Жыл бұрын
Love how raw, real and open you are with us! Would love for you, one day in the future, to come back to this video and see if you still hold the same opinions and ideas on dating preferences.
@Amber1850
Жыл бұрын
So I've only just begun this video but everything you're saying about wearing wigs and make-up resonates with me so much. The fact that people have been altering their appearances in various ways to fit beauty standards for as long as beauty standards of any kind have existed. It is umbelievable to me how people are able to act shocked at these practices in this day and age even when we know that beauty standards in the western world are very specific and that most people do not naturally fit those standards. Society places so much pressure on people, women especially, to fit beauty standard and then we get angry at them for trying.
@themarathoncontinues4211
Жыл бұрын
You can’t “fit in”. Her features, skin tone etc won’t allow her to ever “fit in”. It’s best to try and stand out actually, through embracing your natural features and hair. I’ve got compliments on my hair my whole life as a BM from non-black people.
@robin4923
Жыл бұрын
i had posted a comment on your last video that i ended up deleting specifically because people, who know absolutely nothing about me, responded saying how i'm probably alone because i have too high of standards and should just "learn to settle" (and also because i kept getting misgendered). people will really act like they are entitled to make judgements about you and your life based on the tiniest shreds of your life you share, and i can only imagine the amount of similar comments you as the poster of the video received. anyways, i relate a lot to the experiences you've shared in these past few videos and they've been really reassuring to me. thank you for sharing your words, and i hope sharing them brings you at least some catharsis as well.
@samiam5434
Жыл бұрын
Misgendered? People call by what you are……if you’re born a man, male characteristics will stick out so people use he……if you were born a female, you will have more female characteristics so people will call you she/her…….nothing misgendered there .
@sophiaisabelle01
Жыл бұрын
You seem to very well-spoken. Your analyses are engaging and it seems like you’ve did research. We all appreciate how you really go into depth with what you have to say. Keep up the good work. May God bless you and this channel.
@Confettifun
Жыл бұрын
I think you dropped the ball on racial preferences. We need to talk about how preferences should be just that, a preference. I prefer chocolate to vanilla but if there was a luxury vanilla ice cream, then i would try it. The issue with racial “preferences” is most people use them as a racist hard line. I “ date x race because *insert super racist tropes and stereotypes*”. I can prefer white men but date all races and maybe fall in love with a non-white person. Unfortunately many people say the word preference but dont mean that AT ALL so they seem less racist
@Dunnygirl21
Жыл бұрын
I think it really should be up to the individual. If they want to expand their dating pool to others, that’s awesome but As long as you are not disrespectful, I don’t see a huge issue with someone not being open to dating outside of your race or dating who they find attractive.
@lousdinovembre
Жыл бұрын
@@Dunnygirl21 respect is very important however many people with racial preferences often disrespect other groups of people whey they say” I don’t date x race” because by saying that you already reducing individuals to a monolith which already is unfair and not kind to the people of a said race. A fetish is also viewed as having a racial preference but it often carries a lot of disrespect along because a fetish objectifies a group of men or women instead of seeing them as individuals with flaws and beautiful unique characteristics.
@AntiSoraXVI
Жыл бұрын
It is rarely a hardline, but if there’s a hard line they aren’t preferences. People probably just started using preference as a blanket term like people do with most words. Like I personally refuse to date a police officer. That’s a hard line and not a preference, but many would say that’s a preference. That being said, hard lines are fine too. No one should be determining who other people should form long term partnerships with. I don’t care if someone says “I will not date X.” as long as it’s not followed by “because they’re *stereotype* Why do we even care if racist person won’t date an Asian, for example? It’s not even worth the discussion. What’s the goal? Get them to date Asians and subject those Asians to teaching that person to be less racist? Anyway, most of the time the preferences or hard lines are harmless. It really shouldn’t matter to us. Also fetishes are something else entirely and are inherently harmful
@payasoinfeliz
Жыл бұрын
good call. i have certain types, but i dont go around telling everyone this is the only type that is acceptable, and shitting on everyone else. you have to have some hate in your heart to go out of your way and do all of that.
@dcmkflylo1603
Жыл бұрын
@@Dunnygirl21 If you refuse to date outside your race, then it is, by definition, not a preference. It's a rule you set for yourself.
@hermionefoster8097
Жыл бұрын
I love how honest and genuine you are about everything you speak on. You’re incredible - fantastic channel ❤❤❤
@ssua3035
Жыл бұрын
damn, this is so raw. thank you for the honesty, it's so refreshing.
@Unkuuu
Жыл бұрын
When I saw some of these hostile comments about tori supposed high physical and lifestyle standards I knew immediately they never watched your videos. They missed the video where you stated you’d be happy to be a wife to a guy like Hagrid, living in a cottage in the countryside.
@GalaxiaTokyo
Жыл бұрын
what video was that?
@Unkuuu
Жыл бұрын
@@GalaxiaTokyo it was a livestream from a month ago or so. It stuck out to me because I remember thinking “yeah I’m not that liberal” when I heard it lol.
@evankaden657
Жыл бұрын
You would be lovely, with or without weave and makeup, though the most lovely thing about you is your honesty and vulnerability. Would not be surprised if many fall madly in love with you for it. This is the foundation of real intimacy, to lay bare your soul and learn that you are lovable in-spite of whatever perceived “flaws” or “imperfections”. Even the idea of perfection is a laughable notion that people use to buffer themselves from reality as a coping mechanism. Best of luck to you.
@CaulkMongler
Жыл бұрын
Yano, in the end I’d say it really has to be a game of luck, honestly. The idea that you could manage to find yourself in a relationship with someone who can relate to or at least empathize with with our experiences, has similar values, life goals, is mentally/emotionally mature, can communicate clearly with you, had similar sexual/romantic chemistry - and even after all that, things just may not work for reasons outside our understanding.
@isabella7p
Жыл бұрын
the only thing we can control is the amount of people we meet to have a better chance at it
@randomthoughts6625
Жыл бұрын
@@isabella7p that you cannot Control too
@sin3358
Жыл бұрын
This is the thing though. There is so much compatibility that can happen in a relationship. At the beginning, we all go through a honeymoon phase because we have evolved to be so love struck for 6 months to 2 years (yes, the honeymoon phase can last 2 and a half years), because that's typically how long it'd get for us to consume a baby. That's why, even if we're not THAT compatible, we think we are at the beginning because of those hormones. And then people wake up and think they're not in love anymore. A true relationship needs work to maintain it. You WILL have differences, you will NEVER be compatible enough. Also we live around 60-80 years as a species, it is unbelievable and impossible to imagine that during those entire years together, your partner or you won't change as individuals. Every life experience brings new opinions, in fact, over time you may become more compatible or even less than you were before, depending on luck. You can't expect to date someone just to fall in love, relationships are teamwork and very few people know what it takes to maintain that
@dedasalmeida9047
Жыл бұрын
Yes you can find that person... You friendzoned them !!!!
@fluffyfeather39
Жыл бұрын
@@dedasalmeida9047 would you rather someone friendzone you because they really do not see themselves with you or put up a facade and pretend that things will work ?
@anitamg7231
Жыл бұрын
I’ve been watching your videos for a while but you are hitting. Every. Point in this one. I am currently in a relationship, but every single point you’ve brought up is something I can relate to when looking for a partner. It’s so crazy how people react to how I’ve gotten into relationships. I’ve met all my partners in person, no dating apps and honestly a very small time between each person. I change jobs a lot because I’m particular about how I’m treated by a company, so I meet a lot of people. I’ve been to school 3 times so I’ve met people there. I have no social media and spend little time on the internet. When people find this out they act like I’ve made a great discovery and ask me, how can I do that? It’s truly incredible to me that people just skip over the part where I tell them I find people by exposing myself to them in person. Another thing that drives me crazy is peoples attention to MY dating preferences. I am white, I’ve never been attracted to white men due to what I believe is PTSD. I don’t know. White men have ‘hurt’ me, and literally anyone else came to my aid when they found out EXCEPT my family. EXCEPT my white friends who wanted to save face because they were scared of him too. That’s just my experience. SO, I started dating a ‘rich’ girl. My family loved her, just because she was rich. But she was born rich I was was born poor, and the difference was striking. Maybe not just because of that, but she was so easygoing I didn’t even notice that that bled into her opinions. It was impossible to have a conversation with her because she always agreed with me, so I felt so alone bc it was like talking to myself. She worked a lot and left me in a big house by myself for 12 hours at a time. I went back to school and was absolutely taken by a guy in my class- I knew something was bound to happen so I broke it off with her and moved downtown in the spur of the moment. I went from having everything I could have ever wanted to not knowing where my next meal was going to come from. Everyone in my life had big opinions on that one, but no one seemed to actually care about my happiness. No one heard that I was sad. I was lonely. I was going crazy in that house. I don’t know what this whole rant is about, but I think it speaks to others opinions on dating preferences that are outside of the internet, honestly. I found that after I deleted social media 4 years ago, people have been more involved and nosy and entitled to judge my life. Maybe it’s because their opinions are said to my face once instead of being online permanently?
@laysslayysslaays
Жыл бұрын
You are such a stunning and beautiful girl inside and out! Your wig looks so good on you ! Don’t let the haters and jealous individuals online make you drop your crown 💗
@faten6121
Жыл бұрын
I was juste thinking where the heck is kidology, she didn't make a new video for a while now, glad to see you again ❤️❤️❤️
@Jader7777
Жыл бұрын
Ah, a Saturday morning video. My coffee tastes more fragrant and melancholic than usual.☕
@aakhozam
Жыл бұрын
you're genuinely one of the most interesting people I've ever heard of
@NikkiPhillippi
Жыл бұрын
I’m only 4min into the video & I have to tell you, I didn’t know you wore a weave! Not that you needed to know that, but ya…I didn’t know & I think your hair looks lovely:)
@strawberryquark
8 ай бұрын
I thought the same, it looks absolutely natural and it suits her.
@strawberryquark
8 ай бұрын
I thought the same, it looks absolutely natural and it suits her.
@bananabagel2
4 ай бұрын
From what I see from you here I appreciate the person you are and stand for. Makes perfect sense!
@Jez2008UK
Жыл бұрын
I am a 59 year old male and I can tell you (and thank KZitem for the recommendation) that you are such an inspiration. I am single, and although you and I are world's apart in terms of age, I feel I have a lot in common with you and understand so much of what you're saying and relate to it a LOT!!!! Thank you for your very wise and insightful comments and observations, I'm currently binge watching :) (PS - I'm from the UK as well :) ).
@Grace-jb7me
Жыл бұрын
This is a lot.....I totally resonated with your video about rejection. I'm African American myself, my dad is Nigerian and my mom Congolese and I was born in raised in the US on the east coast. I doubt my comment will get to all the very nuanced things you touched on in this video that are rightfully valid but I really do feel the racial preference thing is either one you don't fully investigate more deeply than what's at face value. I find it funny because when I first subscribed to you around 8k I found us very similar. I grew up in a county near the nations capital that was predominantly black and latino but was called an "Oreo" as a kid because of my interests, often by other black people. Did it bother me? Yes. Did it make me resent some of my black peers? Yes, but I understand that social trauma affects people differently. I went on to have this same conversation with a cousin of mine who's parents actively moved him and his brother to more white neighborhoods and schools in a neighboring county and he shared a lot of your views on dating. What I'm trying to get at is, like you said in this video, there are so many cultural aspects that influence people's attraction but I think cultural hegemony that really makes you feel alienated - compounded by being rejected from your supposed "tribe"- is a good way of cementing some of the thoughts and ideas you've shared. I'm fortunate that I grew up in an environment where although I faced light teasing, I ultimately found other black people as I entered high school that were similar to me, and I think that heavily quelled a lot of that anti-blackness I had internalized, which is something I observe you tend to skate around from saying explicitly. (I believe you when you talk about your experiences of rejection from people that look like you[ontogenic trauma], but I also believe that 2 things can be right at the same time and those experiences may have amplified the overwhelming colorblindness that feels implied here). I don't particularly have a preference either...My attraction definitely comes down to are we value aligned and compatible in that regard so in theory I supposed anyone of any race could fulfill that. Also on the hair and makeup thing.....I don't even want to go there because that's a rabbit hole in and of itself and the nuance of that is race related I imagine does play a part. Regardless, I will never know you like the people that know you offline, but I do want to affirm that although I don't agree on many points in a lot of your videos, your insights are always invaluable. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. It's definitely not for the faint of heart. As a final note....have you ever read Frantz Fanon's "Black Skin, White Mask"? I just feel like if there isn't already an exposure to folks investigating the topics of race, attraction, and roles/hierarchies in society in your list it would be something worthwhile to look into. That and the research around socially engineered trauma. I want to attach an article I read years ago about blackness and assimilation but not sure how relevant it is since it's US focused but alas, these are my shower thoughts from an observer viewpoint.
@michaels4255
Жыл бұрын
"but I understand that social trauma affects people differently."- Nothing to do with "trauma." There was a time when black Americans respected members of their community for being, or aspiring to become, learned and cultured. That was when the races were much more segregated than today. Then after the legislative and judicial triumphs of the civil rights movement in the 1960s, as blacks began to have more frequent and closer contact with whites, and the potential for assimilation rapidly increased, many blacks reacted by trying to dissimilate to some extent, and one method by which they chose to distance themselves from "white culture" was to stigmatize other blacks who acted in ways that black youth associated with white people, such as reading books for example, or scoring well on academic tests. It is a paradoxical side effect of bringing the races closer together.
@edk487
Жыл бұрын
You aren’t African-American it’s an ethnicity not a race before the comments come, African-American is referring to black Americans who are Descendants of slaves and share a culture and history. Congolese Americans are not the same as African-Americans as the culture between these groups is different even with 2nd gens.
@Grace-jb7me
Жыл бұрын
@@edk487 On the census I am considered and put African American. That is what I identify as and always have. Have fun trying to declare what you think is my own identity when you haven't even met me.
@edk487
Жыл бұрын
@@Grace-jb7me The US census is garbage when it comes to identifying people, Middle Easterns and North Africans are considered Caucasian by the census. African-American is often used as a stand-in for black on the census. Your race is black but your ethnicity isn’t African-American.
@Grace-jb7me
Жыл бұрын
@@edk487 Never said my ethnicity was that. You clearly are dogmatic in your beliefs so have fun arguing by yourself.
@baqiriq
Жыл бұрын
Your last video was deeply moving in its sincerity. It is unbelievable how arrogant and entitled some feel to comment on women's appearance and assumed character flaws.
@atul9380
Жыл бұрын
I really enjoyed this open and honest discussion. You really opened up the fact that attraction is never neatly organised into set boxes and much of it is out of our control as it is reinforced from a young age. I’m often surprised by whom I’ve found attractive and this really just says to me to focus on what you truly desire out of life, be honest about who you are, and this gives you the best opportunity (there’s no guarantee) of finding those people who match your energy. You are only one person but your thoughts really encapsulated much of what I’ve come to realise about dating preferences and that our choices are often not our own and hence seem illlogical. Also I really hope you break your celibacy streak soon 🤞🏽
@megamonstercookies
Жыл бұрын
Wow this was very vulnerable, Kid. Thanks for opening up with us 💜
@yotamschmidt570
Жыл бұрын
Appreciate your honesty. You appear a good voice in this medium.
@DontReadMyUserName_
Жыл бұрын
I really feel you on reducing ourselves to essentially a classified ad on these apps and making snap judgments based on them. It doesn't translate to in-person interaction at all.
@zotaninoron3548
Жыл бұрын
Yeah, but at the end of the day its all just an invitation to learn more about other people who might spark your interest that you might not ever interact with. Many people live such socially atomized lives that alternative means to extend or receive such invitations are rare.
@robgau2501
Жыл бұрын
What is this? Who are these arseholes talking to her like this? There's absolutely nothing wrong with this lady. She's gorgeous and smart. I don't get why people need to tear people down. She could be completely bald and she'd stay just as hot.
@Kim-Yo-jong
Жыл бұрын
Seems to me she's just hyper-fixating on negative comments and situations she's been involved with. She mentioned going on many dates with various different men on this video so obviously she's not celibate and gets some male attention. I'm not saying her standards are too high necessarily it's hard to say but she's obviously gorgeous I agree.
@pootlovato8237
Жыл бұрын
@@Kim-Yo-jong I mean, you can go on dates and not actually participate in hook up culture. that does not mean she isn’t celibate. perhaps you’re confusing it with “involuntarily celibate”
@NoName-sp5dp
Жыл бұрын
@@Kim-Yo-jong you need prayer for your lack of sexual control. Going on dates or even having a boyfriend doesn't equate sex. Learn how to love yourself and seeking sex from anyone that just talks
@redleeks6253
Жыл бұрын
@@Kim-Yo-jong Going on dates doesn't equal having sex. WTF! A date is a venture where to people share time ans conversation together pretty much to figure out if there's mutual attraction and if their values align. It can also be fot the sake of spending time with eachother like you would rather have company for pizza thab eating alone. I don't know what happened with language that when a person says they've been on a date it's actually assumed that they f*cked. I'm seriously concerded ovet this. Imagining all the times I've mentioned I've been on a date with someone and the person assumed I was f*ckin them. Disgusting.
@counselorguy5481
Жыл бұрын
@poot lovato The thing is that she's selecting men who don't want to be in a committed relationship.
@evedotcom
Жыл бұрын
My number 1 takeaway from this video: you’re adorable. I’m emotional because I’m very similar to you in many respects. I feel like you’re validating my story and preferences by extension which many still don’t seem to think are even real ?! My background was not particularly traumatic but it was very mixed like yours (a combination of upper/middle class and working class environments/lifestyles, moving countries as a child, accomplishing certain feats which raised my status but that I became disillusioned by) which may have contributed to not caring about money and status now. My dating history is also all over the place lmao. I love what you said about a man’s smile 🥺 I’ve felt kinda alien with my preferences after hearing the various noise online, despite knowing deep down it’s valid. Thank you for sharing this so well 💛
@oOImpulseOo
Жыл бұрын
AGH!!! It is so great to hear someone who shares my view on online dating. Nothing about it feels natural. I mean I've met many great people but that's about it.
@pestyobsrvr4278
Жыл бұрын
In the Internet age when people start to bring up their preferences, there is always a vocal amount of people who start putting their history & personality into an acceptance argument, basically trying to figure out” why not me” I can’t tell if it’s our Ignorance or loneliness that has made this our motive. Hope you doing alright after all the negative comments, hope you know there are those out there who understand where you come from. I’m more surprised that you don’t text. I also despise that form of communication.
@Bella.the.Lechuza
Жыл бұрын
You are so incredibly articulate and perceptive, I absolutely adore your videos! Your content has shifted my general perspective, especially regarding romance and interactions with others. I'm so thankful there are people like you sharing their opinions and breaking down social phenomena that, as a society, we tend to accept blindly. Keep doing what you're doing, it's amazing!!
@wessexexplorer
Жыл бұрын
You’ve done so well despite the cards life has dealt you. We all stand and fall based on our attributes and qualities. Feel pity for those that make genuinely racist comments against others - their life is all the poorer for this limitation.
@jl6523
Жыл бұрын
I love how well you address the misspirited criticism, classism, and r*cism. It's extremely well poised. So many people assume because you're black, you're extremely flawed, and they're better than you. Low and behold, you're a woman of privilege by education and by the way you choose to live, and many of these people who criticize you, you're likely far out of their league by most measures, but especially on paper.
@DCeeee
Жыл бұрын
This was a really heartfelt monologue, thank you for sharing!
@josephforjoseph
Жыл бұрын
I will never understand why this mindset baffles people. Youre literally telling them "Im interested in you not wjat society wants you to be" and they get mad and say "No. You should be interested in what socoety wants you to be." Lile wtf? Youre miserable from something that is entirely self made which means you can self unmake it too. 🤦 Regardless, so glad to hear affirmation on am outlook I had a hunch you shared. Life is all the more fulfilling when we can just be ourselves. Kudos to you Kid for explaining this to the unfortunate masses
@eztyson
Жыл бұрын
I’m viscerally shocked… I genuinely had no clue after watching countless videos that that was a wig 😂 Thank you for an enlightening and eloquent video as always milady 🙌
@kwameopoku3576
Жыл бұрын
Come out ur box more
@vimanaarchitects2151
Жыл бұрын
You really think Black women might have this straight Asian hair? Are you serious? Learn some basic anthropology. Obviously that is a wig, and hair on it is Asian
@themarathoncontinues4211
Жыл бұрын
@@kwameopoku3576 he’s a white guy, they don’t know a lot of these things bro. It’s only if you grow up around BW you’d know
@dummysick_8117
Жыл бұрын
This video was great. and you don’t owe anyone explanations to be honest :) Hope you have a nice evening
@ruxandrab1674
Жыл бұрын
The honesty in this video is so refreshing and comforting. What you said about receiving more positive attention from people in general [when you started wearing make-up] and enjoying it made me think about how some of the ideas circulating in society today, especially those revolving around the importance of fierce individualism, simply feel untrue. We seem wired to thrive when robust, healthy connections with others are present in our lives. But the value placed by society on certain kinds of connections has fluctuated. For example, romantic relationships have been put on a pedestal, while other kinds of relationships have fallen out of fashion. Love your presence on here ☺ Thanks for making such candid videos, they're an absolute pleasure to watch.
@arcaneengine6216
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for the topics discussed in this video. You being honest about how complex people are and how those complexities are often misunderstood helps us understand each other and ourselves better. I can at least say that for myself. TY.
@thesovgc
Жыл бұрын
I always enjoy an open and honest conversation from Kidology 😍
@aniveve
Жыл бұрын
I deeply related so much to this. you are so wonderfully articulate and nuanced and an absolute joy to listen to 🙏
@rabbitss11
Жыл бұрын
phew, you're almost disturbingly articulate and yet despite the outward appearance of self assurance and confidence you don't seem very at ease with yourself or much given to laughter but I hope you find your place in this world, I really do. I like listening to you and guess others do too because you're different, so you've got that going for you.
@MercyMburuNyakio
Жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh, it's been 35 minutes. But man this was so staggeringly candid. Yani, just thank you for being you and showing the same.
@sinovuyobudaza7167
Жыл бұрын
I think you did a great job with this video. Thank you for your honesty and rising above these rude comments.
@odedsayar4345
Жыл бұрын
I resonated with you point in the end so much. My gf and I do have compatibilities and a bunch of weird incompatibilities, and I wouldn't say she matches my "preferences". Yet she totally took me by surprise with the sense of emotional depth I experience with her that I'm certain that life with her is a life worth living (in the best way possible)
@thea7035
Жыл бұрын
It's sad how these people are making assumptions about you. I appreciate you being open and transparent with us about your experiences and views online, despite the rude comments you get!
@vjk4170
Жыл бұрын
We are so different on the surface. I'm mixed raced, live on a council estate... Nowhere near as eloquent or educated as yourself. But our views seem VERY similar. Your content reassures me
@tez228
Жыл бұрын
i feel like you have articulated how i feel. i can’t even begin to express how much of what you’re saying in this video is resonating with me.
@flavia5410
Жыл бұрын
Wow!! I’m so impressed by the manner in which you replied to those comments about your weave. You were vulnerable yet unapologetic and so professional. Such tact 👏👌👌
@ACrownofFlowers
Жыл бұрын
I just have to say that I appreciate once again your nuanced take. I do have to say though that some preferences are basically just because of societal prejudices. I'm disabled and I can speak from this experience. Most of my disabled friends even if they have been able to get into some type of relationship, the parents, no matter the age of their child always try to break it up because they don't want their children dating someone disabled. I understand that it will be challenging, but that's still just pure prejudice. We obviously can't force anyone and no one owes me anything, but to simply acknowledge that societal prejudice plays a role is not the same thing. I also have been the beneficiary of colorism because I'm white-passing. When I went back to my country I actually had the opportunity to get with someone, but I didn't take it because it just didn't feel right. Even I have to admit though that I did like the attention because it was the only time I had ever felt like I was not invisible to women.
@PoeticMachineDreams
Жыл бұрын
"I don't care for it" is truly the best answer for why you don't do something
@LongwindedShortstory
Жыл бұрын
BW to BW I just love and appreciate your openness. Thank you for being you exactly as you are! I must say, your story parallels very closely to my own in multiple ways. Your perspective on desiring experience over money, wanting a home of your own, pets, all that. I am the very same in regard to your disdain for dating apps and texting. My messages read much the same way... even typing this is tiresome lol. But I get similar responses- basically a non-response. It just demonstrates how few are interested in investing energy in real relationships. You're not alone in this experience. The desire for true connection seems scarce. I also very much prefer engaging people in the flesh. Gauge energy, quirks, personality, TRUE attraction. I just can't with the online thing and the forever texters! We have to navigate these issues the most in this current paradigm
@BlackBat808
Жыл бұрын
I have never resonated with a person so much regarding this topic. Thank you for sharing, as always ❤
@BLAZE45
Жыл бұрын
What in the world. Something about your voice, appearance and setting is so damn calming. Like being in an old college learning about something I'm kinda interested in but wouldn't mind doing something else so I'm staring out the window on a beautiful late summer/fall day with a slight breeze blowing in. I smell chocolate, cinnamon and old books and I'm not sleepy but I'm also not fully awake basically just just drifting. Peaceful.
@-_-3315
Жыл бұрын
Your perspective is so interesting and unique and refreshing to hear, I get so wrapped up in my digital sphere. Also, as a side note to the beginning of the video, as a black woman I've also experienced so much cognitive dissonance around hair and how I'm treated. The only time my baby brother, who was around 4 at the time, has ever called me pretty was when I had a 30 inch weave in😭, I don't know why that was, but I never wore one again because of it. I won't lie, I did feel pretty when I had it in, but the concept of feeling my self worth being a purchaseable commodity, especially because it was found through covering my natural features, was just too jarring. This isn't going to be a solution for everyone, but I've found that locking my hair has helped me so much with coming to terms with my afro texture and its short length and finding a way to feel pretty without needing to have braids in all the time. As an added(somewhat messed up) bonus, it's comforting to know that eventually my locs are guaranteed to grow to a length that's socially acceptable for women and act in a way that doesn't require me to fiddle with them or detangle them every morning. They look different from European hair and i can take pride in that, but they don't come with the internalized and externalized shame surrounding black womens' hair loose and kinky.
@collinbroom7119
Жыл бұрын
I'm a teenage white man in the United States, and I have to say that I really dislike how dating culture is where I am. I much prefer to meet women and develop actual feelings romantically with them before anything sexual. With this said, I admit that I still have sexual desire but I much prefer a fulfilling romantic relationship where my partner and I grow as people and make new experiences together. I want a long lasting relationship and of course with this I'm ultimately looking for marriage, so I feel like short term relationships are just a waste of time and shallow. I date to see if the woman I'm interested is truly the one for me, and to grow a relationship with them, but most of the women (at least around me) aren't looking for that. They're just looking for either new experiences, short term relationships, or just a sexual relationship. It's genuinely disheartening. I'm lucky enough to have found a woman that I've grown to love and we're on the same page in what we want in a relationship and its going well so far. If there is anyone else out there like me, just know you'll find the right one eventually, even if our culture tries to convince you that you won't.
@offlier
Жыл бұрын
Sounds like too many men have attended beauty school. They think they have a better idea about make-up, jewelry and all things WOMAN. They seem eager to tell you what they think of you when you never asked.
@rejectionisprotection4448
Жыл бұрын
I saw a YT video from a channel that focuses on male self development. They were bemoaning the amount of make up women wear and showed pictures of "make up free" women. Except that these women were wearing "natural look" make up. The female commenters had to school them.
@offlier
Жыл бұрын
@@rejectionisprotection4448 It's just odd. It's most definitely a red flag.
@yung_marion_brown
Жыл бұрын
this is super refreshing because everything on the internet just now seems to give one explanation or another for what human beings look for in relationships, and my experience has been that we are actually extremely unpredictable to the point where it's kinda scary but also very liberating if you accept it
@Desimere
Жыл бұрын
I am also attracted to emotionally vulnerable people, but i'm afraid we shouldn't just go with the flow because we are far more likely than an average person to fall in love in a way that's not good for us. That description of the guy who just suddenly disappeared without an explanation is quite familiar to me. There is some information out there about cptsd from adverse childhood experiences that usually affects who we are drawn to. Quite often there is nothing visibly in common between the people until they reveal a side of themselves, like being avoidant for example, that is actually what subconsciously causes that sense of attraction. And by the point we find that out, the experience we went through with those people may have already affected us adversely, possibly making us even more easily attracted to those imperceivable features. I just think for people who have had difficult childhoods or several difficult romantic experiences, attraction has to be handled with caution. It's far more likely to be a good thing when the attraction comes slowly after getting to know the other person rather than from just vibes.
@samreen3881
Жыл бұрын
I’ve literally been thinking about this and your video just popped up! I just had this random thought on how people always talk about having a ‘type’ and we all give in to it by thinking about physical and personality traits that we would look for but IN REALITY there is NO SUCH THING AS IDEAL, sometimes you just get attracted to someone for absolutely no reason; you just like them because they are them, you just feel drawn to them as if you’ve known them forever or that you were just meant to meet them. It’s not explainable nor rational, because we often forget that attraction is driven by feelings- something that we have no control over.
@wellknown1204
Жыл бұрын
facts! I agree with you in these because few years back, I was suddenly attracted to my guy friend who I never even consider him as "my type", and so was I to him. We were suddenly attracted to each other (it is funny now to think about it). We were so attracted to each other that we could not keep our hands away from each other at the moment.
@m0nz13
Жыл бұрын
I’m fine with meeting offline to get to know one another but I have a huge issue with men who ask me on a date AT THEIR HOME, it’s highly intrusive of me to enter your space and putting myself at risk of getting r/ped/murdered and whatnot. It’s been like that for me most of the time, so I stopped responding to people who ask me out on such dates. Hell, I just gave up dating overall. With the race issue, I resonate because many brown men in my country specifically state they want to date only east asian women (or allude their bios to) and berate me as a brown woman EVEN THOUGH they swiped right on me (when I don’t know their specific racial preference). I just find it absolutely odd when people prefer dating outside their race, it goes to show how racially divided dating has become & the wrong things have been prioritised. I don’t even wanna talk about the bodyshaming that goes about in dating apps.
@belachewhm
10 ай бұрын
She's cherry picking hard. Judging one group of people hard on their worst qualities while simultaneously glorifying another group based on their best traits. Says a lot about how you see yourself.
@tragicallyhoney
2 ай бұрын
White worshipper
@g-2740
Жыл бұрын
A lot of generalizations here about black men and man of color based on the "few" you dated, crazy actually
@rejectionisprotection4448
Жыл бұрын
Nothing crazy about it. A man can talk about his dating experiences and based on them label ALL women as crazy and not one man will pull him up on that, but agree with him. A woman mentions her dating experiences with a particular race of men and then she's "crazy". Guys really ain't worth s--t.
@latifa3995
Жыл бұрын
I realized that aswell, but I guess the whole idea is that people from young gain their preferences be it racial, financial or age group wise based on the stereotypes of the groups outside those preferences or on the personal experiences with them. It is discriminatory in a way but it's natural
@Pbbbb
Жыл бұрын
Black men have a racial preference so can black women..
@themarathoncontinues4211
Жыл бұрын
Don’t use us as an excuse for your decisions. 1. We aren’t all Americans, so don’t drag us into your issues. In UK, AFRICAN men date African women. 2. Even in the US, most black men’s preference is BW. 3. Globally, BM show most interest in serious relationships with BW than all other groups of men combined. So don’t involve us in you not liking to date your own. That’s a you thing. Most black men and black women prefer each other, especially Africans. That’s how we are raised
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