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@mjc21706
4 ай бұрын
Run and don’t try to figure them out
@wrotenwasp
4 ай бұрын
Amen brother. No matter what you do, what you say, how much you try to change, it will never, and I mean NEVER be enough. They have some perfect, Ideal relationship in mind and it aint with YOU. She'll go a date and she's lucky if she gets a 2nd or 3rd date. She'll wind up an old cat lady all alone in her psycho BS.
@aristark559
3 ай бұрын
@@wrotenwasp even if you be more understandig that she cancelled the 6th meeting with you out of her own fear? so you get a 7th meeting
@evantuohy7536
4 ай бұрын
"the only thing you did wrong was be perfect"
@justinjones8704
4 ай бұрын
My ex dumped me after 17 months. Lived an hour apart. She said that she didn't know what was wrong, something was off just didn't trust it. Really passively aggressive said" let's face it when we got together we both knew I wasn't ready to be in a relationship ". It was all confusing. Haven't heard from her in 8 months or so. There were just surface level reasons, it's tough when someone tells you that they love you and you're amazing, then just walks away without any real problems. Who knows. I'm just staying in my own lane and working on myself
@KatyaMorozova
4 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing your experience. 🌻
@edumorphology
4 ай бұрын
I don’t know. Every time I try to be assertive I get accused of being manipulative. Most of my legitimate asks either get ignored or get labeled as be being controlling.
@KatyaMorozova
4 ай бұрын
I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like you're not in a great dynamic. I spoke to what you're sharing in this video in one of the signs that a relationship has turned toxic(or dysfunctional).
@edumorphology
Ай бұрын
@@KatyaMorozova well it exploded quite astoundingly this past Sunday. I was trying to be empathic about her avoidant style, but after doing some more research I would classify her as a Neglectful Naricissist, apparently late stage narcissism where she is her own audience and no one else can give her supply. Also probably deep into sociopathy or lightly into psychopathy. It got increasingly insane.
@Kristoferwitha_k
Ай бұрын
She said......."im sorry. Im so sorry. Im not good for you" also, "i think i was taking out all my problems on you" then, she ghosted me. Said zero. Just disappeared. Going on 6 months no contact. Its broken me and all im left with are questions. Makes it really difficult to heal or move on for me
@aristark559
3 ай бұрын
last point at 10:13 happened to me. she left with the words :" i cant give you what you deserve because i have to love myself first" - then she went back to tinder
@vettie
2 ай бұрын
I chuckled. I know you're likely still hurting right now but I hope one day you get to understand how funny this is. Clown behavior on her part, truly.
@aristark559
2 ай бұрын
@@vettie found out, it's borderline, on her part. even worse than i thought.
@wrotenwasp
4 ай бұрын
I dealt with this crap.."you're the first decent guy Ive met who wasnt a drug addict or a drunk who treats me good". Then came the mild lack of trust.....like " you just want me for sex.....with you it's all about the conquest". Huh? Hey, not all guys are total scumbags but it was pointless. YES....."why dont you try to be more of a bad boy". I said " You mean like the ex husband who you claimed treated you like crap, couldnt hold a job, smoked a lot of dope, left her, lost the house". Never met a woman who could be more fun to be with however hot and cold. Could be nice and then could be a total ungreatful, mean, unappreciative nasty woman. I figured she was just bipolar or a friggin nut.Before I met her, I was married for 13 years and the past 8-9 I became basically room mates with my ex who buried me in debt. I was blown away when this DA treated me the way she did after whining often about how she's been treated like crap by men her whole life. After a few years of that, I swear, Id rather turn gay than put up with a fruitcake like that. At 42 and divorced, I didnt have time or the will or patience to deal with a nut job like that. Seems like no matter what I did, I wasnt good enough, I didnt say the right things and no matter how I would have tried to accomodate her needs, she WOULD find fault with something with me. She's now 58, still in an apartment, credit is shot, in debt, crappy job, no IRA, but Mr perfect partner is going to sweep her off her feet. DA= a more polite way of just saying " mentally ill". DIdnt know women this messed up in the head existed. I felt sorry for all the stuff in her past and stuck with her as friends but even that was toxic at times. She couldnt control that mouth......lost friend and jobs over it.
@DrScotchMD
10 күн бұрын
Be very careful whether somone is avoidant or a stone cold narcissist. "Too nice?" How about being called a burden to your family and friends, or being told you don't make enough money, These people need therapy and lots of it.
@ancienttech4636
4 ай бұрын
When I told her I'd like to stay over, she said, "You know, if you think you're going to get some every time you sleep over, I just won't invite you anymore!" We averaged intimacy about 7 or 8 times a year. She kept her word. Always too busy.
@sj3969
4 ай бұрын
I’m DA and have never met a man who was too nice. All the men I’ve dated were either pushy and manipulative, or manipulative and clingy. Manipulative is always a factor. They want to buy me with money and compliments when all I want is integrity and respect. That means I’m not going to ignore morally reprehensible behavior or mindsets just because he takes me or dates or calls me beautiful.
@KatyaMorozova
4 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing your experience. Of course! And you shouldn't ignore that behavior.
@robertadcox8419
4 ай бұрын
Who you agree to go out with and spend time with is a reflection of yourself, especially if it is a pattern. This too nice comment is just as bad as they are not nice. People are not perfect especially as they mingle with each other. In my experiences people who make these types of comments are overly defensive. If you think you are being manipulated and you like the person, let them know. Who knows you may be surprised by their responses. Good luck.
@nanayaw6285
4 ай бұрын
My ex dumped me out of the blue, with the I'm too good to her narrative. 3 months after we became friends with benefits and she seems happier and more nurturing with that distance. Been a year now
@legendkiller_-2k-__273
4 ай бұрын
Same!!
@georgeelder8415
4 ай бұрын
Keep your options open!
@KatyaMorozova
4 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing your experience. 🌻
@P00MDBZHD
3 ай бұрын
Are you real fwbs in the sense you're both seeing other people, or are you basically still dating without the label with exclusivity? My ex and I are moving in the fwb direction but I'm not comfortable with the fact she's seeing other people when we both love each other, it's just so stupid.
@yougotgroove
4 ай бұрын
Nice is not the same as kind! The Da is nice, she is not kind!
@duelflame3795
4 ай бұрын
For me this got old, had to dump her, the roller coaster, the confusion, lack of communication, was bad enough , but then the lying and out to cheat? Was more im willing to accept, and gave her the boot, difference is im a good guy, not a nice guy,..good .uck to all with this type
@Binny2014
4 ай бұрын
I was told I was very nice by the suspected DA woman I was dating. Then she dumped me.
@KatyaMorozova
4 ай бұрын
Thanks for letting me know what she said. I’m sorry to hear about your breakup.
@Cre8Fire34
10 күн бұрын
I've dated 3 avoidants and none of the positive opening character traits were evident in any of them.
@dajuanajones5559
13 күн бұрын
She said, " I wish you didn't care so much. I dont have the capacity to love you in the way you deserve. You're too good for me. I don't deserve you, I'm afraid you're going to leave me and abandon me. I don't want to have sex with you bc you will become too attached. Your too needy. This is too hard. I feel like you always judging me. I don't think about marriage or a future with us. I stop enjoying us when you started acting like my girlfriend.
@yougotgroove
4 ай бұрын
waste of time
@chrisbourke9729
Ай бұрын
Yesterday I had her say to me "Perhaps I'm too toxic for you" it was a completely random statement while we were discussing some issues.
@Ahicksaf
Ай бұрын
I have been told by an avoidant I used to love "how come ur so special as a person but u don't live a special life?" After the breakup she said i am not a father fjgure or leader Still she didn't give one example of what event made her feel that way, she never told me this and we were together in a off and on way for 2 years. Our last relationship lasted 3 months
@Cre8Fire34
27 күн бұрын
My ex doesn't have any of those strong, independent traits. She's a mess on her own. She had only abusive exes.
@DrScotchMD
10 күн бұрын
That's a covert narcissist, she can't be wrong or take accountability for anything can she? Sorry, forget her and try to move on. No way EVERY ex was abusive, you're just next in line.
@robertwbrown5134
4 ай бұрын
I need space. If we don't separate, we will end up hating one another. You can't afford to keep me and my children. I've seen some red flags from you, and I don't want to be married to anyone. I just want to be friends.
@Ahicksaf
4 ай бұрын
after 2 years on and off and benefits phase, she came back claims she had feelings but is always in doubt about me. I asked for a longer commitment and a serious goal. We worked on her doubts, dated had sex and things were going well. She travels to live in another country temporarily, she tells how much she misses me and that when she comes back she will see me. And out of the blue goes cold and tells me she doesn't want the relationship. Asked for reasons she said many things. she claimed "i am not a leader to her" and that she doesn't feel safe althoug she opened up about her past traumas with me. It feels like an excuse to hurt me than anything serious. What do u think it means ?
@aristark559
3 ай бұрын
you gave the answer yourself. an excuse. - true reason is the same as always: fear of intimacy and vulnerability because of her trauma. she just cant better
@Ahicksaf
3 ай бұрын
@aristark559 how do i Know if its an excuse and her being an avoidant OR simply a girl who lost interest and will be a very dedicated partner to someone else.
@aristark559
3 ай бұрын
@@Ahicksaf its a good question. but if you gave her from your side everything you could, why should she settle for something else? only explanation for me is, shes looking for something more superficial where she "has a leader" but at the same time, a leader for her doesnt nessessarily mean someone who gives her emotional closure. you cant find everything in one person, and she will realize this soon. and a lot of people think they know what they want, until they get it and then realize, it was a mistake. if you know you gave your best, then its her loss, not yours, even if she doesnt realize it yet. women should settle for someone who is "good enough", because everyone has their flaws. the "perfect" partner is an illision!!!
@boom33joelmtz85
3 күн бұрын
The coping mechanisms get so bad that you become a tool for them to reassure the subconscious bias. It is like an emotional turrets. Your final boundary is to want to disappear from their life. You have to work and convince yourself you will leave, don’t pretend it. They accept it on the surfac but inside it is different. Don’t be afraid to model feeling with a balance dynamic to make them feel safe
@melishek0001
Ай бұрын
It is not a strength its a persona and very flimsy.
@georgeelder8415
4 ай бұрын
You have to be able to flip the script, and unleash your inner a-hole, when necessary and appropriate...
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