The emotional loss at the end of the relationship always brings the challenge of overcoming and overcoming mourning. But how to deal with the sense of emotional dependence that seems to be total?
The five stages of mourning provide a good road map for overcoming the loss of love.
Dr. ADALBERTO ARILHA explains each of these phases and how this can help in their emotional independence.
"He arrived at his usual time, his face a little more tense than usual, he did not complain about the traffic, he did not complain about the boss.
He sat down on the table, right in front of him, but he could not look up.
Her heart sank because, deep down, she
knew the meaning of it all.
The scene had long been rehearsed. But he was terrified of going up on that stage.
I decided today. I want to part with you.
A shiver went up his spine. In exact 7 words, your world collapsed. "
The end of a relationship is perhaps the most difficult time in an adult's life. So it is comparable to the loss of a loved one. In this moment of grieving, the perception of emotional dependence is profound. Everything seems to lose its meaning, the feelings are confused and there seems to be no safe harbor in sight.
So it is very common to speak of the 5 stages of mourning for those who are going through divorce or separation.
The 5-stage mourning model emerged in the late 1960s when Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross published her famous book "On Death and Dying". In this book, Dr. Ross addresses her longstanding experience with terminally ill patients and builds her model of 5 emotional states for those facing death.
From there, it became a kind of absolute dogma the comparison with the moment of separation. But care must be taken that, in this comparison, you do not create a kind of emotional format where everyone should fit in.
The Five Phases of Grief are:
1. DISCLAIMER
At this stage, the problem does not seem to exist. Or if it exists, it is considered unimportant and fleeting. Anyone who denies that he is facing a separation may have reactions like "he was nervous, he was not serious," or "I know he's serious, but in time he'll forget." And so, acting like the moment was not very serious.
2. ANGER
In the phase of anger, the gravity of the moment has already been realized. And then, it happens to blame everything and everyone for the situation. It is common at this stage for the partner to have all the defects in the world and no quality. "Ungrateful, insensitive, selfish, manipulative, how can you do this to me?"
3. BARGANHA
The bargaining phase is perhaps the most confusing phase of mourning. Here, however, we try to resume the relationship. Be at what price. Desperately, all possible solutions may be worth it. At the moment, it is common to search for couple therapies, or embrace a new religion, or a second honeymoon ... Fear of the end of the relationship gets even stronger. The perceived defects in the rabies phase are less intense. At every moment hope and frustration alternate, generating even more insecurity.
4. DEPRESSION
Depression arises when one perceives the end of the relationship as inevitable. At this moment, loneliness appears strong. The future does not exist. The past seems like a huge waste of life. The story of the couple becomes a huge nothing.
5. ACCEPTANCE
Finally, the last phase of the grieving process points to the acceptance that that relationship is over. It's a painful time. But it is at this moment that, little by little, it is resuming the life. Pain becomes learning, and the idea of overcoming becomes meaningful.
Briefly, the five stages of mourning take step by step to overcome the loss. But they should only be taken as references.
There is no predetermined time for each phase. Some people will not go through all phases, and others may experience two or more phases at a time.
Every person and every relationship is unique. They have their own history, pains and joys. Therefore, the stages of mourning are not absolute, but they can serve as guides to this difficult time.
ADALBERTO AILHA
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