It’s June now. Last week, I wrote a letter to you about how the days feel faster. How I’m sensing a certain acceleration in time. How I’ve been more voracious than ever about reading and listening and working. How I’ve been writing to you endlessly about all of it. I’m a naturally restless person with a ravenous desire to discover, listen, and transform. And last week, that restlessness, that inner-rattling was stronger than ever.
But today feels different. Today calls for a different kind of letter.
Time hasn’t slowed down, but something has shifted. Can you feel it? I wouldn’t say I’m completely present, or that I’ve managed to suppress any restlessness. But…rather, I’ve found a delightful edge to it. A calmness, a stillness in the acceleration.
I spend my days throwing up my hair in a ponytail, stretching, packing my bag, taking the train, writing, learning etc. over and over and over as usual. For once though, I’ve been enjoying the roundness of every moment, how everyday feels cyclical yet original. I’ve been turning the music down, looking out the window a little longer even when I have nothing else to inspect. I’ve been… sinking…into a silent zone of my life I haven’t explored yet.
Something has shifted, can you feel it? Perhaps it’s a quiet gratitude that doesn’t threaten to leave when life turns upside down. A gentle normalization of uncertainty. Something as constant as the sky and what’s left above it.
I’ve managed to hold the acceleration, the restlessness, by its hand for just a little while. I’ve brushed its hair and taken it for walks in the sunshine. Routine has turned into ritual for minor healing and minor self transformation. Little by little, everyday.
It feels like I'm finally growing up with you beside me. And that makes me really happy in a timeless, unconditional way.
Yours,
Vivi
Негізгі бет feels like i'm finally growing up
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