"The one thing a family hates more than an abuser, is a TRUTH-TELLER." PREACH.
@Nikki-zg5sx
9 ай бұрын
This was deep!!!
@michellegaines3568
9 ай бұрын
I agree 💯 percent
@dianemoonstone4715
9 ай бұрын
Agree completely.
@dmt0430
9 ай бұрын
Biggest understatement!
@angelahill1658
9 ай бұрын
And that's why they hate me...
@JHyde-tv3if
10 ай бұрын
"But she's your mom" "I was her CHILD"
@lunaj1948
10 ай бұрын
thats a perfect trauma sence in a movie ima write it down
@shiamaxwell3482
10 ай бұрын
💯💯💯💯💯
@Moraca101
10 ай бұрын
On the flip side because enablers are some of the worst: "He's my son, I can't kick him out." "SO YOU'LL LET YOUR DAUGHTER SUFFER??"
@marvelousoui4393
10 ай бұрын
A parent can have multiple children but you can only have one mother and one father. They can afford to discard you if you are ungrateful but you can afford to deny your roots. When we trim the leaves of a plant, they regrow but when we cut off the roots, it dies.
@CammieB520
10 ай бұрын
@marvelousoui4393 I glad you seem to have a great relationship with both patents/guardians. I get where you are coming from with your opinion, but why minimize a person's worth to owing their parent or not losing touch with your roots/you can be replaced? That is an apathetic view on traumatic experiences and the ability to enforce the concept 'no, never again'. I have no contact with my father, but my sister is working on having a relationship with him. I can see him as a person with scars of his own or flaws, doesn't mean I should force myself to forgive trauma and fear he gave me during my most vulnerable years of life. Adult children who do this are not being rash, holding grudges, or missing out on a relationship. They are deciding to live the fullest life possible without trying to put in constant effort to please their abusers. I worked to have a relationship with my dad but realized, at 18, that he would continue to hurt me and my sister. I would continuously be harmed. Also, don't ever have more than one child with the expectation of discarding or expecting them to care for you if you raise them. How you treat your kids will determine the relationship later in life.
@taranorthover
5 ай бұрын
Truth tellers become scapegoats, punished incessantly for being brave. Good for you for taking your power back.
@TheDiaryofDestaney
2 ай бұрын
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@patmaurer8541
Ай бұрын
And we also have PEACE! When family members are upset by truth telling, I feel compassion for them; because it comes from a place of fear. My actions are shaking their reality and it's scary. I get it. It's not going to change MY life, but I get it; and they're allowed to cope in whatever way they choose.
@josephang9927
Ай бұрын
"Truth tellers" often use that as an excuse to be assholes
@1RUTHGroup
Ай бұрын
Amen. Amen.
@nicklikesnikes
20 күн бұрын
A hit dog will Hollar. If the truth hurts you create a better one for yourself. @josephang9927
@user-jw9hc9if6n
4 ай бұрын
It's funny how we put more expectations and responsibilities on the children in these circumstances than the people who were supposed to be the mature adults.
@andycampbell8622
Ай бұрын
Boomers were the leeches that destroyed the planet after all
@superkingoftacos2920
7 ай бұрын
Most people care about their public image more than their actual families well being. It's disgusting.
@mechanira
5 ай бұрын
Elaborate.
@ezbred8145
5 ай бұрын
@@mechanirawhat do they need to elaborate??😂 im sure I can elaborate it for you.
@mechanira
5 ай бұрын
@@ezbred8145 I'm just confused which side they're on
@JaydenAltDreamer
5 ай бұрын
@@mechaniraThey are talking about how family members would rather silence victims and hide the wrong doing of their abusive or even rapist family members to keep the family from looking bad
@b.santos8804
5 ай бұрын
@@mechaniraFor real? I'll tell you that in many cultures, having an outwardly successful, shiny public image is something that must be protected at all costs. If the reality is one of abuse, neglect and rampant narcissism, and a child "outs" his/her parents as being crappy parents, the fury of the family will fall on them - because now everyone knows they're actually shitty people instead of the paragons of virtue and hood parenting they want to portray themselves as.
@guesswho7003
Жыл бұрын
These people expect you to be “the bigger man” and show up to your dad’s funeral. But they weren’t the bigger man to address your dad’s toxicity.
@ssboschky
Жыл бұрын
I am being the bigger person by not allowing myself to be engaged by behaviour that isn't acceptable, and pivoting my energy towards constructive loving endeavours.
@htpkey
Жыл бұрын
@@ssboschky When you don't engage with unacceptable behavior you are passively letting it continue to exist. I understand that this is very difficult to deal with terrible behavior and I think it isn't our job to fix everyone. What we do need is not turn a blind eye to bad behavior. We can't just say "yeah this is bad, but I'm not gonna do anything about it because it's a waste of time". If we can't convince the person doing the terrible thing, we can at least convince others that they shouldn't be like this.
@aurora_boketto7746
Жыл бұрын
@@htpkey yeah, like say something. just don't accknowledge their stupidity. but don't stay quiet. your words are the most important. you are NOT as small as they want you to be. as they try to make you believe. you are much much louder and wiser. as long as we can handle it and it doesn't cost us our mental health, baby steps, absolutely. that's a hard one. need the right tools hah Not easy but not impossible! ☺️🤗
@htpkey
Жыл бұрын
@@aurora_boketto7746 Agree!
@T_Cup
Жыл бұрын
It's strange how people expect you to be the bigger person when, beforehand, they treated you like you were so small that you were practically invisible to them
@GG8476
Ай бұрын
I feel this guy’s pain in his voice. Some parents are just bad.
@simonehawthorne2647
29 күн бұрын
Awful
@lunaluv8336
3 ай бұрын
"The one thing a family hates more than an abuser is a truth-teller." MAN THAT HITS HARD. Nobody likes when you tell the truth. That's why I'm estranged from most of my family. I tell the truth about what happened to me, and they hate how it portrays our family. IMO, they're so offended about how it portrays the family, they should reflect on themselves and why the truth shows them in such a negative light. It's not my fault that they can't handle what they see when they hear the truth.
@andycampbell8622
Ай бұрын
My mom’s family essentially aided a middle aged man in grooming my (then underage) sister. My mom literally has a relationship with these freaks 😅 guess we know which side she is on
@thirstonhowellthebird
Ай бұрын
You are so correct! My dad‘s fourth wife said it right out loud, “you are making this family looks so bad!“ All because I didn’t want to go visit out of state where they live because they fight and they are alcoholics and it was just repulsive to be around them. I severed all ties years ago, and I wish I had done it sooner, but they have that fear factor that keeps you trapped in their web of disgusting lies.
@sodonewithit4370
5 күн бұрын
@lunaluv some people do appreciate hearing the truth no matter how painful. True, they'd rather avoid the pain but in the end, they like that someone loved them enough to tell the real truth
@ednaking956
8 ай бұрын
People are good at blaming the victim. Tell it man. 👍
@evilds3261
7 ай бұрын
I victim blame those who victim blame. They are shocked when you use their words against them. It puts them into the position of a victim being blamed because they feel like they are the victim in that situation.
@GailOwens
7 ай бұрын
Many thanks. We are vilified by speaking out.
@DonnytheDealer420.
6 ай бұрын
people are good at being the victim too
@cmamom76
6 ай бұрын
Yep i hate that Bs 😊
@RR-dh4jh
5 ай бұрын
Boy you cant preach enough
@Aaron-kp6kp
Жыл бұрын
I usually use the “Do you take out your anger on your dog?” And when they say “No.” I always say “Exactly.”
@Konachn4ever
Жыл бұрын
Exactly, would you do that to your Dog or Cat, no, so if you wouldn't do that to a fur Baby then why the fuck do it to a Child!😒
@anonymous-ll4qm
Жыл бұрын
My abusive father took his anger on our dog too (slammed his head on the floor, kicked him in the ribs and he flew halfway across the apartment...) sooo what if they answer yes? T-T Well i do think my family would hate him after hearing that he hit the dog, but why is hitting his wife and daughter not enough...?
@noeyedgirl
Жыл бұрын
My dad hit and kicked my dogs when mad at them. Now the first one is scared of random objects and jumps at noise. 😁 I was the autistic kid, unfortunately. You can imagine how my relationship with my father is.
@jasminevictoria4652
Жыл бұрын
wtf you even trying to prove with this …
@noeyedgirl
Жыл бұрын
@@jasminevictoria4652 It's pointing out the hypocrisy of physical punishment toward human children vs toward dogs and other pets.
@darkhours6664
5 ай бұрын
Society are pointing fingers to children for going no contact with their abusive parents. But none of them ask the parents in question what have they done to their kids.
@agbobier2657
5 күн бұрын
The parents wouldn't admit what they did.
@sbfabtfc1
4 күн бұрын
This dude is spot-on. Tell your truth, ditch abusive family members AND their flying monkeys, and don't look back.
@brianmcconnell1817
Жыл бұрын
“If there’s anything a family hates more than an abuser, it’s a truth teller.” Family dynamics in a nutshell.
@lydiaheelu2681
Жыл бұрын
Yeah, that one hit hard.
@EonsEternity
Жыл бұрын
I liked and subscribed immediately felt it so hard and mans spitting facts
@Rubyisabelsandoval
Жыл бұрын
Owwww it hurts with so much truth
@Clintsessentials
Жыл бұрын
Yep!
@pr107
Жыл бұрын
Sounds like you dont know what a family is kiddo.
@phoenixrising7777
Жыл бұрын
Family’s always be like: Why can’t you just take abuse so that way we don’t have to stand up to the abuser because that’s inconvenient for us?? So selfish! 🙄🙄
@thebae9589
Жыл бұрын
The ol "you go deal with the abuse and cynicism so we can continue to pretend to look like a happy family"
@fawnieee
Жыл бұрын
@@thebae9589 there are so many families that love people's perception of them and their family far more than they'll ever actually love said family.
@seeleausstahl3595
Жыл бұрын
@@fawnieee You said it 👏👏👏
@terynb4407
Жыл бұрын
I stopped talking to my dad for seven months. Nonstop did I hear family members say you should fix your relationship, you should check up on him as if what he did to me was insignificant and that I shouldn't be hurt by the things he said and did to me. I eventually started talking to my dad again and started rebuilding a relationship. But one thing that really pissed me off is when I mentioned that he sends me money twice a month (*I'm a college student and he rather me not work), and my aunt literally said "aren't you glad that you started talking to your dad again, since he's sending you money." I think that seven months of not talking really helped us, but that comment really disgusted me , as if I'm supposed to have someone in my life who really hurt me stay in it because they are helping to pay for stuff. That's like saying to someone "you should stay in a abusive relationship even though they abuse you at least they take care of you"
@weltchespissjuice5997
Жыл бұрын
It’s so true! My step dad is bipolar and unmedicated and always has been. Been physically and emotionally abusive to me and I would stand up for myself and all my mom would do is say “you’re both acting like children”. Difference is I was a child and he was a grown man that knows better. I haven’t talked to him in nearly two years and the whole time my mom would push to me talking to him whenever I see him at family events. There’s a reason I refuse to talk to him and that’s an apology I’m never going to get. He put his hands on me and my ex saw it so he beat the shit out of him. And when it blew over he apologized to my ex who beat the shit out of him but not me who he beat the shit of. It just shows he doesn’t respect me and I can’t stand how my mom and other family members can say I’m being childish for refusing to talk to him but I have told everyone. All I want is an apology and then I’ll consider making small talk. He knows it everyone knows it and after 2 years still nothing.
@elfenlied_girl1238
2 ай бұрын
When they say “ family comes first“ the response should always be “ Cain and Abel were family and we know how that ended “
@katierucker2870
23 күн бұрын
I read about the dysfunctional families in the Bible and it has helped me through not feeling guilty of going no contact with my dad. It’s ok not to be close to certain family members.
@abigailsmith3328
8 күн бұрын
😂
@sudhakhristmukti1930
7 күн бұрын
And Cain was made accountable...
@bakerwannabe4435
2 ай бұрын
Most abusers and enablers want a scapegoat…it makes them look better.
@LanguageExpert-hg8do
12 күн бұрын
@@bakerwannabe4435 thats why my parents had me .
@bakerwannabe4435
12 күн бұрын
@@LanguageExpert-hg8do I’m sorry that they were like that. That’s sad 😔
@stefanegstrup3145
Күн бұрын
Unfortunately yes. It's the bitter thruth.
@duncansonoryan
Жыл бұрын
As a person who is in a no contact relationship with my father, I'm sorry. I know how it feels.
@ezoxide
Жыл бұрын
Ummm my father has disappeared
@duncansonoryan
Жыл бұрын
@@ezoxide ok. I'm sorry that happened to you.
@kaziered
Жыл бұрын
@@ezoxide lmao, same. Found him when I got invited to his funeral where someone had the audacity to say he wanted to see me 🤣 like he could've had he put in even a drop of effort lol. If you find him, remember you owe him nothing, nor do you deserve to be mistreated just cos you share some dna :)
@kaylapounds1359
Жыл бұрын
Mine is in prison and has almost always been scum. I won't miss him when he's gone for good. No relationship with him and IDC if him and my stepmom cut me out of his will (IDK if they did but I don't want anything associated with him or them.)
@MrSexydivas
Жыл бұрын
Let's gather here. I see you, internet friend. We'll get through this. "Metoo
@ssboschky
Жыл бұрын
Someone else said this recently: Toxic families are ones that cater to the least emotionally intelligent person. I felt it. You're not alone
@RadishTheFool
Жыл бұрын
Oh. That is so accurate. That is such an insightful and clearcut way to summarize so much painful chaos. Thank you for sharing.
@elerielouie3160
Жыл бұрын
F****ck, that puts it so succinctly.
@loliluxe1747
Жыл бұрын
That's so we'll said. Thank you for sharing this. There's so many of us that have lived thru this. I wish more ppl understand they are NOT alone. That single fact, that I was not alone, helped me feel so much better. I hope it helps someone else.
@Freespiritedqueen
Жыл бұрын
I believe as an heyoka empath.
@I_Smell_Like_Beef
Жыл бұрын
That is just pure poetry
@minombreesminombre4878
3 ай бұрын
“The only thing a family hates more than an abuser is a truth teller.” Yep.
@-summertime-sadness-
4 ай бұрын
My verbally/emotionally abusive dad casually and unashamedly said to me "You better not come to my funeral". I was only 12 or 13 at that time; I kept wondering all my life what wrong I have done for him to say such a thing. Now over 4 years since I have gone little to no contact with my family house, whenever I remember my dad's statement, I feel I would rather not go to his funeral. He never made me feel wanted and loved, he won't even miss me during his last moments. I won't grieve for long either.
@nogetouttamyface
4 күн бұрын
Should have told the bastard it's rich to think he's having one and not being dumped in an anonymous hole.
@pixaln
Жыл бұрын
If your only excuse is “I am your parent” to keep contact with someone, you do not deserve to keep contact with them
@ericolens3
Жыл бұрын
tell that to the court systems.
@pixaln
Жыл бұрын
@@ericolens3 the court does not force you to keep in contact with parents, u good? U mad cuz you treated someone terribly and they hate you for it?
@alexpinkston8095
Жыл бұрын
@@ericolens3Found the MRA.
@peepslostsheep
Жыл бұрын
@@ericolens3Courts don't force adults to keep contact with their parents.
@jahimuddin2306
Жыл бұрын
Those are the people that think that having kids is the bare minimum.
@shakyelarnold7392
Жыл бұрын
*"Want to be respected in death, earn that shit while you're alive"* -F.D. Signifier
@lyta2875
Жыл бұрын
Agreed
@tw8464
7 ай бұрын
Exactly
@MrEmptyKay
4 ай бұрын
I didn't go "no contact" with my dad. I just started to put the same amount of work into the relationship that he did. I think my aunts finally understood when they asked me how my dad is doing and I asked them what his response was to my cousin's wedding invitation, and the follow-up call when they tried to ask him if he was coming and got no response from him. I think they finally got it when my response to "but he's your dad" was "and he's your brother."
@amberpalmer3708
19 күн бұрын
When someone shows you who they are believe them, the first time. Hilarious that it had to happen to your relatives for them to get he’s toxic. Wishing you happy healing and peace ❤
@user-xv7lr4kn8o
4 ай бұрын
Poor guy, RESPECT for telling the truth and nothing but the truth.
@donnabraucht5361
7 ай бұрын
Stay clear of toxic people, blood or no blood. Be free and healthy.
@ArchieXD27
3 ай бұрын
lol
@jwill5892
2 ай бұрын
The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
@JESUS.saves.Repent.
2 ай бұрын
@@jwill5892 I hope you mean the covenant with GOD because of the blood of JESUS. ❤❤❤
@simonehawthorne2647
29 күн бұрын
Exactly!!
@Iansco1
27 күн бұрын
Thank you @@jwill5892
@aubrey44444
Жыл бұрын
Truth teller life is lonely af. Out here breaking generational curses
@RobertAnguiano
Жыл бұрын
Lonely AF but enough is enough ❤️
@ssboschky
Жыл бұрын
Amen. Overcomer.
@emilymendoza4544
Жыл бұрын
It is lonely. But idgaf about sugarcoating the truth and I will call out anyone in my family, including my mother and my stepdad, for unwarranted behavior or lying. And they know it too.
@kellylaher7512
Жыл бұрын
Yes! Moved across the country to get away from the abuse! Breaking curses over here as well! Proud of you for doing it!
@juliek6278
Жыл бұрын
Lonely but you are at peace and freedom is liberating ❤
@yolandazach
17 күн бұрын
Blood makes you related. Family is safety, being seen, heard and appreciated. I got you Bud!
@nicotinekitty1275
Ай бұрын
The Truth Teller and Scapegoat have survival skills! We’re built different and if you survived a narc parental relationship, BRAVO! Love yourself, always remember it was never your fault, live well and flourish.
@sadezem991
Жыл бұрын
"if theres one thing a family hates more than an abuser, its a truth-teller" is one of the hardest truths I've ever had to accept. Even my siblings who agree with me and also understand the extent of my mom's abuse (especially to me as the only daughter) hate the fact that I won't just accept it and humor her
@Raddiebaddie
Жыл бұрын
Have you read Jeannette McCurdays new autobiography? Really might be relatable. She writes about the relationship with her narcissistic mother as the only daughter
@sadezem991
Жыл бұрын
@@Raddiebaddie Yes, it's incredible ❤️ I was so happy she was able to write about her experience because it started such an important conversation. She has done so much for victims of parental narcissistic abuse
@captaintony1227
Жыл бұрын
Your probably the problem. Just thought you should know. Normal people dont go on the internet and talk badly about family even if their in the right. Im assuming the guy in the video he is the problem too. I dont care if people cut of bad family members. But people who will trash on anyone in front of strangers for likes and attention. In my experience they are the real shitty people. Just putting that out there do with it as you please.
@sadezem991
Жыл бұрын
@@captaintony1227 i actually didnt do any of the things you mentioned here but i'm sorry if you are easily triggered, upset or confused. i recommend just not engaging with content that makes you feel this way because it seems like a waste of valuable energy and it's causing you to make assumptions or "fill in the blanks" about strangers. i tend to find that people who seek out content they don't agree with and reply to comments with unrelated rants and judgments are generally unstable and easily offended. you could probably benefit from grounding exercises and doing a mental inventory on why you make those assumptions. it seems as though you are just projecting but who am I to say!
@destinyc7801
Жыл бұрын
Literally this, my siblings directly experienced the abuse and my older brother still thinks I should talk to her again. She abused him too, being a mother means nothing if you treat your kids the way she did us, as far as I’m concerned she was an egg donor and an incubator
@dancinggal747
Жыл бұрын
My mom has 6 adult kids with no contact. She completely splintered our immediate family with her abuse, yet when extended family get together, they are amazed that the kids don't attend (if we know my mom will be there.) It was one of the hardest decisions to cut her off, and I still have a hard time explaining it. This video was empowering. Thank you.
@georgina-a
Жыл бұрын
You owe nobody an explanation, Miranda. The fact that you found the decision difficult shows that you didn't make it lightly. This was no whim. Also, five other adults, in the same situation, chose to do the same thing. FIVE!! That's doesn't make you an anomaly, it makes your mother's behaviour a pattern. As an outsider looking in, there is one common denominator here that is the OBVIOUS issue - your mother. If 6 adults all have taken issue with the behaviour of their mother, then the people in your extended family need to open their eyes and spot that insanely obvious common denominator! I mean that's less of a red flag, and more like a full-blown major alarm system going off. It's not up to you to teach other adults basic logic. Quite frankly, if her behaviour was so bad that it upset so many children, those in the extended should be *apologising* for not stepping in, and *thanking* you for succeeding where they failed and protecting your mental health. If they can't see that, then they're an extension of her abuse and you're better off giving them a very wide berth. It sounds like your siblings understand if they've chosen the same path. I wish you happiness and healing. You deserve it 💕
@JennifuhhGilardi
Жыл бұрын
It astounds me that people could look at the situation and place blame on the child, I always know the parent must be absolutely terrible if their own kids won’t talk to them
@MisstressMourtisha
Жыл бұрын
dude you got this. your time is never worth spending it traumatized.
@MisstressMourtisha
Жыл бұрын
@@georgina-a"it's not up to you to teach adults basic logic" idk why but that is the most validating thing I've ever read. thank you.
@Nerobyrne
Жыл бұрын
I like to make jokes about my mom. Like: "I'd call her but reception is really bad 6 feet under ground" People sometimes apologize or express sympathy, which is hilarious because if they knew how she treated people she had power over, they wouldn't.
@mrsjaynesarah1923
2 ай бұрын
Going through this right now and it's rough. I'm 37 years old and am done with people pleasing and will prioritise my mental health instead.
@yvonnedorantes9569
2 ай бұрын
I remember a rough time in my relationship with my mother, my dad was telling me to try to forgive her and to be the bigger person and I told him "why do I need to be the adult in this? She is the parent". It is not easy to go throught that kind of trauma and stand your ground. You are so strong.
@saucy2476
Жыл бұрын
They shame you as an adult when they should've supported you as a child.
@Cc07
Жыл бұрын
His absence is a big reminder of their own shame for ignoring, enabling and burying the abuse
@user-wq9mw2xz3j
Жыл бұрын
So seems are you are bad, keep blaming parent but not doing better yourself.
@speedruiner7213
Жыл бұрын
This. It's sad but also absolutely hilarious, like taking care of the minimum needs of your child and that gives a parent the right to treat you like shit.
@Jixsurez
Жыл бұрын
@user-wq9mw2xz3j just cuz you squirt out a child doesn't mean you have the right to mistreat them. Victim blaming is not cool, dude.
@user-wq9mw2xz3j
Жыл бұрын
@@Jixsurez just because your parent didnt say they you love 100 times a day and give you everything you want doesn't mean you don't have any obligation to them either
@Maerahn
Жыл бұрын
"There's only one thing families hate more than an abuser, and that's a truth teller." Damn, that hit hard!
@cc1k435
Жыл бұрын
I know I am not popular in certain family circles myself. Too bad for them, because it could have been so different. But I am not going to gaslight myself over it anymore. 😢
@SproutNoDoubt
Жыл бұрын
💯 I’m the truth teller in my family and my family look at me like I’m the problem for it. 🤷🏻♀️
@TaoScribble
Жыл бұрын
Yeah, as an adult, I now see how weird it was for the adults in my family to say "lying is wrong", but it only applied to _them._ There was an entire script of lies for school and the outside world in general, and if you "tell them our business", you'd get in trouble.
@Shimawolf
Жыл бұрын
It's 100% accurate too. I'm the truth teller in my family. After years of abuse and trying to get help for myself and my siblings (which never came to fruition because apparently I was a liar! ) And it's amazing how little they listened to children even when showing up to school with proof, being covered in bruises 30+ years ago. I left home at 16 and I'm now almost 45 and don't talk to any of them except one sister. I myself won't be showing up for any of their funerals. There is a special place in hell for my mother and step father.
@sanctifiedsessions3518
Жыл бұрын
THISSSSSSS
@rena9934
Ай бұрын
Enablers: You only get one mother Me: UNFORTUNATELY
@loreleicanyon9776
2 сағат бұрын
And I did not pick this one
@PaperDoll1551
20 күн бұрын
The hardest part of going no contact with my mother wasn't actually going no contact with her; it was the unsupportive relatives who knew how she was and STILL insisted on trying to trick me into meeting her and "mending things". Much like her, no one cared how I felt. I don't talk to them now, either.
@lucrezia909
Жыл бұрын
"But you should act like an adult!" Why do I have to, but no one else does? Sometimes anger keeps me up at night. Thank you for the video. I feel more understood now.
@anjafrohlich1170
Жыл бұрын
Adults don't engage with people who hurt them. So their words are right but they don't understand them. Protecting yourself and leaving behind people who weaken and hurt you, that is how an adult acts.
@lucrezia909
Жыл бұрын
@@anjafrohlich1170 thank you. I needed to hear that.
@ianluk6385
Жыл бұрын
A good, rational adult will leave behind something or someone that's hurting them, and move on.
@lucrezia909
Жыл бұрын
@@ianluk6385 yes. Easier said than done when they're supposed to be "family". I'll send you a mesage for Christmas because at some point I'm gonna have to see you in person- but don't start being chatty cause I couldn't care less. 🙄
@fluffyou9276
Жыл бұрын
I'd say "why don't YOU act like an adult and respect my boundaries?"
@Gh05tk3y
Жыл бұрын
Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that you're not the only one having you're kind of problems. Thank you, this couldn't have come at a more appropriate time for me.
@jenleigh342
Жыл бұрын
Me too! 😁see my comment.....
@maryrobinson5833
Жыл бұрын
🙏
@js-tw3vs
Жыл бұрын
Me too.
@PrettyIntrovert_9
Жыл бұрын
Same here
@tonyv014
Жыл бұрын
Yes!!
@YesMeSo
Ай бұрын
My mother brutalized me until i grew big enough to fight back and boy i destroyed her face! I got the "im your mother, how could you?" And i was her child, she didnt think about that, she didnt have a heart for me when at just fourteen i tried to escape her abuse by suic*de. And she demanded i have a heart for her? 😂 I dont have to respect u JUST BECAUSE ur my mother, i dont owe u that, respect ur children if u want their respect u dont get to demand it, and parents remember, even ur children have a boiling point, and they will not be a defenseless child forever...
@mvbigmagic4048
3 күн бұрын
Glad you got away. Yeah... these parents have NO EMPATHY. And so they deserve no sympathy. :( My mother is 78 and she's only getting worse with age..... No contact is survival. She has refused a POA, kept driving even after she flunked her vision exam to renew her driver's license. Aging narcs are like hand grenades, and when they pull their own pin, the only thing their adult children can do is RUN! The last ten months, the only times she tries to hoover me is to try to get more money out of me. Doesn't care about my kids at all, just like she didn't care about me. My mother-in-law is my role model for parenting now, NOT my mother.
@howtoitall76
2 ай бұрын
Truth teller here! Also the scapegoat… I had to learn to avoid all extended family. they have spent the last 5 years telling me it’s ok that by brother has a death threat out on my minor child. Naw fam. They can have that guy around THIER kids if they want
@barefootgirl67
Жыл бұрын
"But she's you're mother..." Exactly...which means she shouldn't have done what she did to me....f**k that....family members can be toxic too
@Jake38nine
11 ай бұрын
I absolutely despise how people use their parental relationship against you as if you owe them something. Excuse me, but i did not choose to be born. You only owe things to people who you choose to do things for. For example, you owe it to your married partner to do chores around the house because you chose to be with them, therefore you have an obligation to make the relatiomship as smooth as possible. But being born without choice and using, "I raised you, i gave you life, i fed you, i bought things." Is literally just a form of manipulation and abuse. I learned this very quickly when my parents threatened to take away or destroy things they bought for me. What dod i do? I went out and bought my own stuff and keep all my receipts, so they cant threaten to destroy my property because if you do, ill smash up their stupid valuable vehicles they care so much about. I will play fair with you, you want to break something of mine, i get to break something of yours. I have no remorse for people like that. Just like if you punch me, better be prepared to receive a punch in return. You want to manipulate me? Honey, i will gaslight and manipulate you until youre a balling mess and i will not feel anything for it. My parents behavior towards me has taught me how tobe absolutely cold hearted to people who treat me like anything that is not right. I have a big heart, but i am not easily taken advantage of anymore. I can live on my own and fend for myself. I have independence, and that scares people. The fact that i cant be manipulated and abused and gaslit to be dependent on someone else's control scares people away from me, and thats what i want. I dont want you in my life if you cant accept my independence. I will play as a team as long as you work things out with me too. If not, you will not hear the end of me bringing up our issues. Ive met too many people who have said i am the problem and i need to change, okay, i will make adjustments when you make adjustments. Ive been to therapy, i know how to be accountable and self-aware and make immedoate changes. 7+ years of therapy on-and-off. I know myself better than anyone. I can keep my word, but if you dont hold your end of the bargain, then i dont either. You either play fair with me, or you can eat shit. Lol. Because i will literally serve you a cracker on a plate while i eat a full meal to show you how unfair you treat me. Im vindictive. So dont be a part of my life if you dont want to be treated like this. I will 100% throw your unfairness in your face every moment you are a part of my life until you change as well or leave. I cannot stand people who think they know better than you and shame you just because of their age, gender, race, or relationship status. You are a human to me and i will not raise you higher than i raise myself. You will alwaya be on the same level as me because i am not playing into power struggles.
@amandab728
11 ай бұрын
@@Jake38nineWow this was powerful. Im trying to get to a similar place as you. I still have the problem of being too scared to hurt their feelings even though they hurt mine with no remorse. I still have too much empathy when people dont have empathy for me. Being this way just gets me taken advantage of and no one learns their lesson. Im trying to learn how to care about myself more and put myself first and give back the same treatment they give to me because how else will they learn? I hate when people say be the bigger person becasue being the bigger person is just putting up with mistreatment and it just continues.
@Jake38nine
11 ай бұрын
@amandaolson6682 I still empathize and I still am understanding of my enemies. You have to be empathetic and understanding of your enemies to get beneath their skin. You have to know their triggers. But it is stressful. You have to have a strong mind and will and safe place. I do not recommend acting this way when you have no escape. You have no idea what people will do top. But if you're safe, then go off. That's why independence is a good trait to learn and have. You have to learn how to take care of yourself and your surroundings before you expect someone else to take care of theirs. Most people have a hard time being alone with themselves. You have to learn how to be alone. You have to learn how to think for yourself. You have to learn how to disagree and question things. That's how you become strong-willed. The whole "be the bigger person" thing is just a manipulative tactic to keep you stifled. I ignore most hollow advice and get angry at it because you can just hear how fake and disingenuous it is. I'm looking for depth and authenticity within people. Telling someone to be the bigger person or forgive or "be yourself" is the same shallow bs as small talking about the weather everyday with everyone you meet. I don't want to talk about the weather on a surface level, I want to talk about the science and causation of weather AKA Depth. I can't stand shallowness.
@December_Kiki
11 ай бұрын
Nailed it. That's why I left home at 15 and never went back. It was me or her and I chose me.
@dallasg3464
11 ай бұрын
@@Jake38nineexactly. I'm there with my mom rn. It's mind boggling, but I'll be okay. All stay strong
@estelle5916
Жыл бұрын
When family members side with the abuser, they are just as toxic. Self care is freedom.
@kathyroach9344
Жыл бұрын
👍🏽Absolutely 👍🏽
@E.P.7131
Жыл бұрын
And they get cut off as well. Enabling my abuser sends a clear message that you don't care about me.
@ms.pirate
Жыл бұрын
My dad's side is full of narcissists (including him), only one positive note is they noticed one of their siblings is toxic. However, they still can't look at themselves, and see they are also the problem to everyone else outside of the family, and inside
@E.P.7131
Жыл бұрын
@@ms.pirate I have also noticed how narcissism can be pervasive in varying degrees and spread among close relatives.
@thiccredgyal3404
Жыл бұрын
I'm preparing to go NC with a narcissistic parent. I'm gonna block a lot of people.
@ThinkingWoman30
2 ай бұрын
I finally at the age of 30 decided to go no contact with my mother. And it’s hard, it really is but I finally have a peace of mind.
@BergenDaven
Ай бұрын
You did well, many people says that family is not chosen, but actually you can do it. If someone from your family is harming you, leave.
@madclankiller44
Жыл бұрын
I always hate the "they're family you have to love them" crap. My parents are wonderful, but my dad's parents are absolute trash, and I refuse to respect them. I didn't even know people had more than one pair of grandparents until I was like 15 because they never reached out to us. Though, maybe it was best not growing up knowing such emotionally abusive people
@mchaela4045
Жыл бұрын
it's a very similar thing with me. My grandfather was physically and mentally abusing my father but my father acted like nothing was wrong because he goes by "honor thy mother and father" so I thought that I had to love my grandfather. Until my mother's mom(who is also big on "honor thy mother and father") told me *"that man brought harm onto your family, you should treat him with respect, but you do not have to love him."*
@luckyDancer100
Жыл бұрын
Same
@egg_2705
Жыл бұрын
I never met my mum's dad, we didn't show up to his funeral, and she refused her share of his inheritance. It doesn't shock me, considering he was so abusive that my mother and her brother proclaimed they would kill him while they were four and six respectively, prompting my grandmother to take her two children and move back to her home country on the other side of the world. No child support, nothing, not even supported by her own family because how dare she leave her husband (thanks 60s-70s misogyny). I don't even know what he looks like. But, my mother doesn't look like my grandmother's side of the family. And I am a clone of my mother. It's kind of unsettling to think about, so I don't. Ironically, while from broken homes, both my parents are incredible people.
@dynamicworlds1
Жыл бұрын
If blood is what's holding your family together, that just says that you'd sooner be rid of each other if you weren't. That's not love. Edit for celerity: "you" in the general sense of the hypothetical reader, not "you" in the specific sense of anyone here, of course, in case that wasn't clear.
@libeflu
Жыл бұрын
At this point I'd just like to throw in here that the actual saying goes "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Take from that what you will.
@giovannahliautaud4398
Жыл бұрын
I always get tired of the oh “but they’re your family” excuse as if sharing the same blood just immediately erases all of the trauma and emotional damage that they have inflicted on you. Respect is mutual, it shouldn’t be given to a person who doesn’t know how to respect others at all.
@EagleZoo
Жыл бұрын
Respect is not always mutual. Respect is based upon witness of effort to maintain credibility through integrity. I often wonder about people that want to be respected. I wonder if they feed the poor, visit those in prison. Show love and acceptance of others' thoughts and expression even if they distinctly disagree in their viewpoints. I remind many that you can't build a civilization when everyone has to change their speech and actions to accommodate those subscribe to extreme bias. The argument very often lies with when someone in their life is trying desperately to point them in what they feel is the best direction. You just don't want to hear it.
@giovannahliautaud4398
Жыл бұрын
@@EagleZoo Well I understand what you mean but I’m talking about if you probably respected someone in the past but they continuously disrespected you, then they get surprised when you want nothing to do with them anymore.
@giovannahliautaud4398
Жыл бұрын
@@EagleZoo And tbh, if you push someone so close to the edge like that and abuse and neglect them sm, even if they are a kind person, you can’t possibly expect them to uphold that same kindness towards you anymore.
@giovannahliautaud4398
Жыл бұрын
@@EagleZoo Oh and I also forgot to mention. You don’t have to always do community things to be kind/respectful, and visiting people in prison..it depends on what they did mostly. Like if a loved one did something like murder many innocent people or raped many people etc, I would be devastated to even be related to them.
@hannahshark8080
Жыл бұрын
Coming from a broken family where we all secretly hate each other and drwad passive aggressive family events, it truly is better to just not get involved. Sadly, sometimes it's better for everybody to just go about your separate lives and be happy. Sadly, sometimes blood doesn't mean shit.
@evermoreart
Ай бұрын
My 85 year old mother recently disowned me and my inheritance. It wouldn't have been much, but you just made me feel so much better about whether or not I ever see her again. And I would not go to her funeral either. There won't even be one. All I know is I'm 58 and I'm living the rest of my life for myself.
@estherclark820
4 ай бұрын
I chose, as an adult, to go no contact with my abusive, toxic adult sister. The hardest part, maybe, "but she's your sister!"
@rebeccaanderson4445
Жыл бұрын
"The one thing a family hates more than an abuser, is a truth teller" truest words you have ever said, sir.
@ravenhill4331
Жыл бұрын
With this statement my confusion lifted and I understand what it is I'm going through.
@michaellarson6936
Жыл бұрын
Its like that in politics too
@EzekialRagel
Жыл бұрын
Cutting out toxic siblings did wonders for my mental health. Parents don't get it but respect it and don't press me on it. Lol they did the same to several aunts and uncles.
@euryid8920
Жыл бұрын
l just decided to go no contact with my brother after he told me im faking my DID and that my trauma "couldn't possibly be that bad". Told my mom about it today and she got pretty upset and said "thats sad". As if it was purely my fault I'm cutting contact. Its so tiring to be treated like I'm the problem when l try and set boundaries and stand up for myself. Just wanted to vent.
@auntieroronz
Жыл бұрын
I just went non contact with my brother, and i know he told my parents and they all would have bad mouthed my husband (he is making me). Yet i have spoken to each parent this week and not a word as they have been using my brother to speak for them. (i am low contact with my parents but only because of my children)
@kaziered
Жыл бұрын
Haha, I went low/ no contact with my sister a couple years ago. My grandfather is still waiting for us to "get over" our differences. I love him and generally he's a great guy but old fashioned in the way that he doesn't believe in mental health or therapy so his opinion (nor anyone elses) matter in that regard. Keep one doing what's best for you!
@marybrown7253
Жыл бұрын
@@euryid8920 don’t know you but I am proud of you setting boundaries and doing what is right for you own well being. Parents like their adult kids to get along but sometimes siblings change, or feel entitled to expressing their hurtful opinions, or even like to start drama. It’s ok to set boundaries and when that doesn’t work then it’s time to take alternate steps to create distance, how ever that looks.
@kaylapounds1359
Жыл бұрын
I didn't get to know my half siblings until I was 13 (they were 10, 9 and 6 at that time). Me and the then 10 year old grew closest, we shared similar interests. I went through a traumatic time thanks to my "father" and when I finally stood up for myself and turned him in, all them turned on me, including my sister I was closest with. It hurt and sometimes still does. But I'd rather have no contact than to be around those horrible people ever again.
@rosethorne9155
Ай бұрын
No child, adult or otherwise, owes respect to parents who spent the child's whole childhood mistreating or neglecting them. Life is too short to spend it with people who are cruel to you! 😔 I'm sorry to hear your dad was not a good person. But I'm glad you reclaimed those 10 years, instead of getting dragged back into that chaos and toxic situation!
@AC-hl4iq
Ай бұрын
Yep protect your energy. Family or no family
@zeropoint7177
Жыл бұрын
So true. Your family will forgive you for murder but they will NEVER forgive you for telling the truth about what shitty, selfish parents they were
@codesm96
Жыл бұрын
True
@vsmith6109
Жыл бұрын
It's tough. I'm a weird ass that would go to the funeral and mourn the person I wish they were with the jealousy I had of other parents that were good. I would hope to hear a true story of them that was good and wish I knew them as that. A story of their childhood or something about them before I knew them. Even meeting someone else at the funeral who is as hurt as myself.
@rdavila26
Жыл бұрын
What’s wrong with murder ?
@riddhikhilnani5819
Жыл бұрын
Does know where I can find the original video??? Tiktok is banned in my country so is there like a youtube link??
@minecraftdork420
Жыл бұрын
@@rdavila26 you remove someone from a family and it’d be worse if the parents are old and they had no siblings
@linobart1641
8 ай бұрын
No child makes the Decision to go no contact with their parent lightly. If they do 99% of the time that parent is messed up and deserves the alienation
@malwads1836
8 ай бұрын
The term is estranged parents...& yes the overwhelming majority absolutely had it coming for a LONG time.Parental alienation is when an underage child is kept away from the other parent usually after the parents break-up, a lot of narcs do this 💩 to their kids so they'll hate the other parent😮💨.Great post,just 💭 I'd clear the terms up since a lot of folks get parental alienation & estranged parents mixed up.Some of these estranged parent buttholes are purposely trying to muddy the waters by mixing these terms up in their whiny videos🤢.
@tw8464
7 ай бұрын
Exactly
@Rfh78
7 ай бұрын
Exactly. Just common sense.
@naomideleon8363
7 ай бұрын
Exactly 💯
@snehanidish1363
6 ай бұрын
Exactly
@adrianmiles7678
Ай бұрын
We are called the “black sheep” of the family. Black sheep is just a euphemism for scapegoat
@Awhi
Ай бұрын
I went no contact with my bio dad. No-one was there when he died, he had no funeral. His ashes almost went to landfill. He was a bad man. I have no regrets.
@Michelle-go5nv
Жыл бұрын
Dad left me as a baby. Mom left me at 8. He kept his other children. She kept her other child. As an adult they expect me to forgive with a 5 minute phone call. I have a son. I'd rather die by being eaten alive by maggots then to give up my son.
@lance7973
Жыл бұрын
That’s beyond rough. Abandonment is so damaging. I’m sorry that that happened to you.
@ambermac77
Жыл бұрын
Omg, that’s horrible!! 💔 My dad left when I was a baby, but my mom kept me. But… She was emotional neglectful, and told me when I was 16 that she wished she had given me up for adoption 😢 I have abandonment issues to this day.
@newlifebetteryou
Жыл бұрын
@@ambermac77 So sorry to hear that..❤🌹🌹
@cc1k435
Жыл бұрын
I hear you totally. My mom stayed til I was 19, and I still don't have anything for her. She didn't think of that, I guess.
@ambermac77
Жыл бұрын
@@newlifebetteryou thank you! I’m 46 and still working things out. 💖
@Firstsurugi
Жыл бұрын
"If there's one thing a family hates more than an abuser, it's a truth teller" That one fact destroyed my entire life from childhood.
@seekingserenity2973
Жыл бұрын
Parental alienation is also Loud . When you choose to keep their mothers secrets because you're more concerned about the children's mental health . Make sure you actually Know your Truth .
@susanpendell4215
Жыл бұрын
Yep
@BlakeGeometrio
Жыл бұрын
Same here.
@Azzurra_Official
4 ай бұрын
Let’s be honest. We all saw the redness in his eyes. I feel it. This man must be protected.This guy is helping us,while he expierenced something cruel..❤
@ADN64
3 ай бұрын
Truer words have been spoken on deaf ears. I feel you brother. Your health and sanity are way more important than
@ralphandleosmom9075
Жыл бұрын
So true. Everyone wants everything swept under the rug. Dying doesn’t make someone not an asshole.
@TheUndeadOhioan1999
Жыл бұрын
I can understand respecting the dead to an extent. If they were a piece of shit when they had a pulse, them being in the ground doesn't automatically undue all they did. If they weren't respectful and just a downright horrible human being in life, than its only justified they be remembered that way
@sandras2624
Жыл бұрын
👏🏽
@sandras2624
Жыл бұрын
@@TheUndeadOhioan1999 yeah they made their own choice of how to treat others, and in that they cannot expect to be missed nor mourned over. They made their bed.
@TheUndeadOhioan1999
Жыл бұрын
@@sandras2624 unfortunately the sad truth is that theres a 99% chance that at least one person is going to be sad they're gone, and even defend them. Without going too into detail, a HUGE chunk of my family are toxic and have royally fucked me up, honestly looking forward to when they're dead and won't lose an ounce of sleep saying the truth. Some may say you must eventually forgive somebody who wronged you, and how its the "morally right" thing to do. Anybody who says that is either blind, ignorant, is one of the lucky ones to not experience stuff that leads to life long trauma, or all of the above
@michellebilodeau3882
Жыл бұрын
Wwll said.
@ladyteruki
Жыл бұрын
I went no contact 11 years ago. Best decision I have ever made. Last year after a decade of trying to make it work with my little sister, I also had to go no contact with her. Honestly there is no doubt in my mind that I'm the bad guy in their story, but at least they're not part of mine anymore. Who needs blood ties when they only strangle you ?
@SheerLunaSea
Жыл бұрын
"Honestly there is no doubt in my mind that I'm the bad guy in their story, but at least they're not part of mine anymore." I needed to read this exact thing because my toxic family's perception of me and how they would talk about me to others in our family has been a big reason for me holding off on going NC when I really need to, and this is what I needed to read tonight. Thank you.
@HannahSoMaFu
Жыл бұрын
"Who needs blood ties when they only strangle you" is such a metal sentence and im gonna use that in the future for sure!
@mimosakura795
Жыл бұрын
The amount of toxicity family members have can be damaging to the person on the long run, mentally, physically and emotionally. Cutting people off is a good way to ensure your safety and well-being.
@juliek6278
Жыл бұрын
Everyone loves to put you in the bad guy box without knowing the whole story at times. But eventually you get to be at peace with it
@trisholer9761
Жыл бұрын
Best description ever!! Thank you!
@A.S.Harfenklang
2 күн бұрын
I know from experience... the truth-teller is condemned... guilt of the evil-doer ascribed to the victim.... so absolutely wrong. ❤ Love to you and thank you for sharing.
@dj-chemicalz811
6 күн бұрын
it was surprisingly cathartic realizing almost everyone in my 'family' were just a bunch of narcissistic children with chips on their shoulders. go no contact, stay no contact, keep your heads up kings
@a_bamble8328
Жыл бұрын
“If there’s one thing a family hates more than an abuser is a truth teller” truer words have never been spoken!
@jwhite5396
Жыл бұрын
💯 The abuser and the dysfunctional family wants you to shut up and play your role within the dysfunction. How dare you step out of the role they assigned you. What makes you think you can act on your own values and interests? 😄
@penelopeb1370
Жыл бұрын
It was this portion of the statement that really hit me.
@PrincessKristi
Жыл бұрын
That is such a powerful statement... ❤️❤️❤️
@laharsent
Жыл бұрын
Yes! Me and my cousin are the truth tellers in our family. No one loves it in Camp Let’s Mourn the Abuser, yet it sure feels great to not have to pretend we didn’t go through that and it really just frees up space (cuz it lets us know who is worthy of our time) for our various chosen families to fill our lives❤
@GoingSwimmingly
Жыл бұрын
As the one person with no filter in my family, yes.. We’re doing way better and I’m quite sure some credit goes to me just sorta, getting fed up at some point and just letting it all out. Our parents are not bad people, and my evidence is that they did listen in the end,, so yeah at least there’s my story on it!
@danielle80sbaby
Жыл бұрын
"There's one thing a family hates more than an abuser and that's a truth teller " literal goosebumps.... he just explained my last 10 years... 🤯
@lindagarris7861
Жыл бұрын
Yep.😢sorry this happens to do many kids. And it's generational bc people damaged hurt the next generation. So painful
@evonne315
Жыл бұрын
And if the abuser is funny, charasmatic, provides money, ect.... they like the abuser BETTER.
@heather3383
Жыл бұрын
100%!!!
@patmaurer8541
Ай бұрын
I'm so glad that you broke free of that cycle. I'm sorry you experienced that. I'm also deeply impressed by- and grateful for- the kind, honest, and outspoken man you've become. It's all the more amazing because you did it independently; you chose your own path. 🥰
@SaveageQueen89
27 күн бұрын
Preachhhhhhh!!!! Cutting toxic people from your life, family members or friends is a sign of emotional maturity and self respect. No one asked to be born in a family with abusive and toxic parents.
@scootkh
Жыл бұрын
The black sheep of the family, that uncle, or aunt, who stays away and doesn’t talk that much… Is generally the person who can see through all the bullshit and refuses to engage with it
@JoseSanchez-iu3do
Жыл бұрын
True im the same way whats worst for me is i said i would go back to being a family if they were willing to apologize for all the bad but no one wanted to so now my only family is my friends
@ethanwright5081
Жыл бұрын
Usually because all we can focus on is bullshit. I know because I have always been the black sheep. Tough pill to swallow
@JustMe-gn6yf
Жыл бұрын
I just never felt close to my family other than my mom and when she passed away I had no need to see my 3 sisters or father anymore it's been 20 years I don't know if they're alive or dead
@fable_enthusiast
Жыл бұрын
There is no such person in my family, all caught up in bs except me and my sister, who's studying psychology tho. She knows damn well, and I got diagnosed secretly after I could go to therapy alone.
@BlakeGeometrio
Жыл бұрын
That's my brother and I. Everyone else seems to blissfully unaware or worse.
@EldritchCow
Жыл бұрын
“How does my kid never talk to me? all I did was give them a horrible childhood!”
@BurgerBoiFromSwdn
Жыл бұрын
“Oh honey I don’t know. Could be them being one of them gays.” Lemme say most of the shitty parants are kinda homophobic or more will blame stuff instead of blaming themselves
@fritztopher
Жыл бұрын
I hate you dad
@dynogamergurl
Жыл бұрын
Lmao ikr? It’s funny and sad that they refuse to understand this, even if you tell them they will just be in denial about it.
@clairewilson524
Жыл бұрын
And that childhood seeps into your adult life affecting your self worth and image, along with relationships you try to forge. I broke away from my mother for almost 5 years. Then she had an accident and I relented, only to end up going through trauma again by her hand. When you realise that she values money more than a relationship and your health there is only one option. But as with all narcissistic individuals, they are the victim and the stories they fabricate to keep that image are nothing short of wicked.
@johnclaybaugh9536
Жыл бұрын
I did my absolute best, with an undiagnosed disability that kept me from working. And I've constantly been told it wasn't good enough. My best wasn't good enough. Let that sink in.
@marcusanderson-yeager6740
16 күн бұрын
Great, I am glad you blocked the toxic person, glad you spoke out about your feelings. I did the same!
@sherrygwin4506
21 күн бұрын
Outsiders always take sides while we who lived behind closed doors with them and had front row seat to the very ugly truths that only we know.
@ladykoiwolfe
Жыл бұрын
My family was only fortunate in that we had a large number of people who knew how bad my grandfather was. Our parents made sure the granddaughters were Never alone with the man. His own daughters and wife knew what he would and had done to them. (Quick edit: he was sent to prison for it several times) Most of the family showed up just to make sure he was really dead dead. Only one person cried at the funeral and she got looks cast at her that clearly implied she was insane. No one wanted to talk for his eulogy and half of us were trying not to laugh at the minister's usual speal about being a "child of god". I'm glad you turned out far better than your father.
@jess7722
Жыл бұрын
We were also never left alone with one of our grandfathers. I think we only visited because of our Grandma because I don't remember seeing him ever again. I didn't know why then but I'm very grateful now that I do. It's chilling that people are like that and there's families out there that will cover it up and pretend it didn't happen.
@Iansco1
Жыл бұрын
Did someone steel spike the heart, you know just in case, Romanian style.
@DrWho160
Жыл бұрын
@@Iansco1 If he was buried alive I think the lack of oxygen would finish him off.
@LivingItUp810
Жыл бұрын
Wow, getting laughed at by your family at your own funeral. His life was garbage. I can’t imagine living such a pathetic, disgusting life
@negativenancy4805
Жыл бұрын
Gracious of y’all to have a funeral at all. He deserved a cardboard box and an incinerator.
@plainroz6771
Жыл бұрын
And they never believe you because that person is always so damn charming when everyone's around but the second they're alone with you it's all over
@patshelby9285
Жыл бұрын
The lightening rod catches it when there is no witness.
@vannedotdash7749
Жыл бұрын
Lmao one of my dad's friends said to me as a joke "haha you don't know what your daddy's like when he's mad, you're so spoiled" AND I WISH I HAD HAD THE GUTS TO TELL HER "NO, ///YOU/// DONT KNOW WHAT HES LIKE WHEN HES MAD" ffs I still regret that, but I guess he would have just laughed and pretended to be all sweet and then get pissed at me later so you know, maybe it was a blessing in disguise
@thejerg
Жыл бұрын
He's not even actually that charming... He's actually just an asshole, people just choose to see him as "funny" instead
@youcancallmesteph
Жыл бұрын
Yes!! Exactly. My aunt is like this; she manipulates and charms the hell out of people when she’s around them.. it’s just since covid that the outside world is starting to see it too.. she has no filter anymore so everyone deals with her abuse now.
@amariblake7783
Жыл бұрын
Oh look, other people experience it too 😁
@fredotlogetswe3047
Ай бұрын
Sometimes you think youre the only one,really these videos are empowering.Society wants us to live a life where you don't have to hold your parent accountable.And do you know why its very very difficult to forgive them?because that's the person who was supposed to protect you first,before anything and anyone.
@user-jo1qo6zq5o
2 ай бұрын
I don't know why it took me so long to look up this .. I should've done it 10 years ago .. this is more therapy than 10 years of therapy... thank u sooo much!!!
@emilyb8165
Жыл бұрын
"You're ruining the family by not talking to your mom" well she ruined my childhood and my whole life. I'm not gonna let her ruin it anymore.
@erenssister.5535
Жыл бұрын
"But but she is your mom. She made a mistake. Forgive her." She did nothing when my uncle gropped me and blamed it on my clothes. I was wearing a lose t-shirt and baggy pants.
@andreanne8228
Жыл бұрын
You go girl! My aunts tried to push me/guilt trip me into reconnecting with my mom. Not happening after all the psychological abuse I suffered through my whole life. Haven’t talked to them in 4 years, and I have never been better!
@sbs.2759
Жыл бұрын
@@erenssister.5535 I’m sorry. You are strong and f’k them!
@coconut10mc60
Жыл бұрын
Yeeessss queen
@erenssister.5535
Жыл бұрын
@@sbs.2759 honestly I live with my dad and stepmom. They are amazing I cut off all contact with mom as soon as I turned 18 because she kept inviting my molester into the house. I moved into a college in my dad's city. I am in much better shape. My mom can rot in hell. She is a vile woman who cheated on my dad multiple times and still blames my dad.
@_sockninja_
Жыл бұрын
It's been 22 years for me now, the day I turned my back was the day I slowly started to learn that life can be good and that I have value.
@coconut10mc60
Жыл бұрын
Good for you loce yourself more everyday
@misha2197
Жыл бұрын
😊💜👍
@catseatcookiessofiagacha5210
Жыл бұрын
You have value.
@lizabethfeig1705
Жыл бұрын
Awwww, yes, you have value...
@_sockninja_
Жыл бұрын
@Marcy630 If it was supportive, great. If it wasn't then it means it came from someone who can't understand because they haven't had to live through what I did, which is also great. That you were kind enough to stop and wonder is the best of all. Thank you, I appreciate you.
@kenikathreatt4597
Ай бұрын
The “supporters” of the abusive parent think they have something to gain (financially etc) so they shun the truth teller.
@JESUS.saves.Repent.
2 ай бұрын
I want there to be a law in this country that allows people to legally change their name and have the court record sealed without having to provide a reason. People can't always prove the abuse or the cult like behavior, but they should still be able to move, change their name, and have the record sealed so no one can find them or their new identity. I'm so tired of this.
@maresae
Жыл бұрын
"the only thing people hate more than an abuser is a truth-teller!" That hits home so hard! Denial is a powerful sedative...
@lizasplaylist
Жыл бұрын
Completely understandable why people would go no contact. The fact that people will always stand up for and defend abusers is absolutely insane to me even though I should not be at all surprised.
@fionaanderson5796
Жыл бұрын
Yeah. It's crazy how many blame the victims for defending ourselves. The victims are expected to keep being abused just so everyone around them can pretend things are normal. It's time we made it the other way round - the abuser has to clean their shit up to be accepted.
@ambriaashley3383
Жыл бұрын
@@fionaanderson5796 Absolutely! Accountability for the abusers, empowerment for survivors, and education for everyone else around. I hope you're healing well 💙💙💙 Sending hugs & solidarity to you
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
Unfortunately people who grow up with abuse tend to protect the abusers until they get help.
@aurora_boketto7746
Жыл бұрын
it makes me livid
@kaylapounds1359
Жыл бұрын
@@fionaanderson5796 in context it's kinda funny how if somebody well known is an abuser/assaulter the public walks the line on blaming the victim(s), but when it's average people it's typically their family that blames the victim(s).
@danashull3208
4 күн бұрын
I understand. My father was emotionally and physically abusive, so I wrote him off. I did not go to the funeral. Everyone told me I’d regret it. It’s been just over 16 years. Still DON’T regret it.
@canislunaticus
4 ай бұрын
"You are not entitled to a relationship with your child just because you birth them"
@jemmascott5559
Жыл бұрын
I had the opposite happen. My elder brother was horrifically abusive throughout my childhood and teenage years. My mother, this beautiful and compassionate pillar in my life, used to just hold me in her arms as he screamed and yelled about all sorts of things. He hit her, pushed her, tormented her, and used protective services as a tool to strip my mother of her voice and any freedom to punish him. Social workers saw her as the villain and left us in hell... Yet, my mother was always blamed for destroying the family, and for speaking out. Her friends told her to abandon/kick out my brother but the family shamed her for even arguing with him. Yet, that beautiful woman put me in therapy because she saw how much I was suffering. Although because he was so young there’s now this weird expectation that we have to wipe it all under the rug, that those were difficult teenage years. No contact with him was the best thing I did in my life. It was euphoria and safety. My therapist could focus on helping me heal instead of how to protect myself emotionally. I struggled to speak about my experiences but my silence was more powerful than any words I could have used.
@Tericlay
Жыл бұрын
"My therapist could focus on helping me heal instead of how to protect myself emotionally." Wow. That hit deep.
@otterlly4981
Жыл бұрын
@@Tericlay RIGHT. I was going to come here and comment on that. Wow.
@lilyi8496
Жыл бұрын
Older brothers are supposed to protect you, shield you when your parents can't, tell you about things you need to know when your parents don't want to, be your backup and be the one person you can go to if no else wants to listen or you can't tell. I wouldn't even call yours a brother anymore, just a man that your mother gave birth to when he didn't deserve to be even associated with her.
@onlyyou725
Жыл бұрын
I have an older sister who also feels she "entitled" , but not here. she'll have to rely on all those people she's been lying to for year.
@ari3lz3pp
Жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry for you and your mother. I'm glad at least you seem to understand she wanted to love you (and probably felt terrible her own offspring could be the way your brother was). I can't imagine that struggle of needing to kick out a child due to that but also feeling guilty of letting him out into the world like that.
@mamabear3248
8 ай бұрын
The best thing I did was walk away from a narcissistic mother. She made my childhood, teenage years and early 20's hell.
@michaelaxis6304
7 ай бұрын
Wow sorry to here that
@michaelaxis6304
7 ай бұрын
My life is just getting worst
@michaelaxis6304
6 ай бұрын
I am in my early 20s and almost mid 20s in 1 more year And still getting abused
@victoriamac2533
6 ай бұрын
Same
@zeldawilliams4129
5 ай бұрын
Same here
@TheBlurHeart
22 күн бұрын
Be assured that there are MANY of us who understand you and stand by you.
@slwilliams0717
3 күн бұрын
That's why I don't care what my family says. They are all messed up in some way but when someone dies, they wanna get together to make it about them being so great. I'm an honest person & I can't hold my tongue so I don't pretend 💩 is sweet. They hate it but I'm not the problem!
@011y89
Жыл бұрын
Remember , when people tell you to "be the bigger person" they're actually asking you to pretend it didn't happen so they don't have to confront the idea that they or someone else is abusive or toxic in your life If you're the one always being told to be bigger, you are. They're just narcissists
@samaraisnt
Жыл бұрын
!!!
@samaraisnt
Жыл бұрын
especially that they didn't protect you as children/looked the other way. If they see you accept/forgive them, they can forgive themselves.
@happydillpickle
Жыл бұрын
Yes. It's their way of excusing their complete neglect of that child (who was you) when they knew EXACTLY what was going on, but dud NOTHING to prevent it. Haha just noticed my typo there.... What a perfect typo! 😂
@delorbb2298
Жыл бұрын
BINGO!
@adamthomas7784
Жыл бұрын
Finally validation feels good
@annareign
Жыл бұрын
yes. i went no contact with my narcissitic mother and she took me to court to try and force her presence into my life. i'm not even joking.
@glorisgonzalez.detodounpoc2934
Жыл бұрын
How ? Is such a thing too do? And what you ask to the court to do ?
@MelanatednNature
Жыл бұрын
What
@madisoncrist938
Жыл бұрын
That is the craziest (albeit, most believable) thing I've ever heard!
@glorisgonzalez.detodounpoc2934
Жыл бұрын
Is such a thing possible?
@ASentientPlant
Жыл бұрын
Grandparents have sued, and won, rights to see their grandkids in the US. As long as you don't have kids I don't see any legal ground.
@JudyCullen-dt9qh
2 күн бұрын
I'm a scapegoat too and it's taken me a long time to not let it bother me.
@man_made_marsupial
4 ай бұрын
The crazy thing is that all the family members were thinking about you more than your father's passing.
@rockymoody-jn2yf
7 ай бұрын
Thank You!!!!!! No contact with an abusive parent or even sibling is often the ONLY way to protect the family you do have!!!
@anarchicbean5888
11 ай бұрын
The “black sheep” of the family is usually the one who is actually seeing things for how truly are.
@user-ye3ds5jn6g
9 ай бұрын
And villified for having the audacity to point out the problems. “How dare you say it out loud!”
@waffles3629
9 ай бұрын
Yep, one of my uncles accused me of trying to shove my grandpa into a nursing home to get money because I said he shouldn't be unsupervised ever. Why? Because he kept trying to leave to "go home". Whenever he was done with whatever was going on he would just walk out the door of wherever he was to "go home". Even if he was already at home or in another country. I was just worried about him. Also how would him being in a nursing home give me money? They're EXPENSIVE!!
@GermanisMarcell
9 ай бұрын
This’s comment is me to the T
@loveinstars
9 ай бұрын
wairt is black sheep an offensive phrase bc i heard it can be racist
@GermanisMarcell
9 ай бұрын
No, it’s a psychological term used with toxic families
@user-gh9fi2th1u
3 ай бұрын
Truth! Abuse is abuse children or not it effects them even more as an adult and shapes who we are ! No contact is to guard your heart that your entitled to and healthy to do so !
@walmarttable34
4 ай бұрын
"but she's your mom" AND IS THAT MY FAULT?
@samuri2011
Жыл бұрын
"if there's one thing a family hates more than an abuser its a truth teller" I SCREAMED 😭😭😭😭
@consolee.945
Жыл бұрын
This made my day 😊😁😆
@samuri2011
Жыл бұрын
@@consolee.945 Hahaha 🤣 ty
@ravenhill4331
Жыл бұрын
So true.
@Beeoog
Жыл бұрын
Same so loud
@summersun6536
Жыл бұрын
"That is a very loud truth." Dang, that blew my mind. It nailed, what I was not able to put into one single sentence for years.
@andreahudgins-miles5405
2 ай бұрын
Currently going through this right now with both my mom and dad. I cut off contact with my dad years ago, but my mom keeps trying to force a relationship with him. It’s both tiring and frustrating because of the lack of respect for boundaries, as well as being seen as the villain for dissociating myself from him. I’m contemplating cutting my mom off as well because she’s not respecting my sister and I’s boundaries.
@CC-ij4sp
Ай бұрын
This hit home,I dont feel I have a family. I feel we are just related.
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