I'm 51 and have been married to my husband for 16 years, together for 20 years. We don't have kids. We have no regrets and are very happy. If you truly do not want kids, stick to your convictions. It is possible to have a loving, fulfilling relationship (if that's what you want) with a partner who wants (and doesn't want) the same as you. The irony is that I feel I've put more thought and consideration into my decision to not have kids than a lot of women who just pop babies out without really thinking it through. So who's the selfish one? And when people ask who is going to care for me when I'm old (like I have no other family and friends) I simply say, "Paid professionals." 😉
@shallonlester
3 ай бұрын
I love this! And yeah exactly paid professionals! The same people I pay to do… Everything?? I also think our generations will totally redefine being old because much more of us are child free. So I don’t think it’s gonna be the sad lonely death sentence it might’ve been for previous generations. I mean women in our generations never even worked, very few had friends outside their cousins or sisters. So of course they relied on family. They never really left that ecosystem. But we do! I’m kind of excited for it :) You’re absolutely right, you and I put more thought into not having kids than the people who just had them and figured they would sort it out later 🙄
@user-lr1nc7ek4q
3 ай бұрын
I LOVE this too. I knew at a young age that I did NOT want to be a mother. I am now 53 and a fur baby mom with a LOT of money and I am happy in my big, paid off, brand new house. My wife (yeah, we're two childless women) also has a big paid off house. Yes, we have two houses in two locations. We do whatever we want whenever we want and laugh a lot (and spend a lot).
@LunaLu-00
3 ай бұрын
@user-lr1nc7ek4q If you have lot of money and like dogs please consider helping stray dogs. I didn't have kids so that I could help animals in need. There is so many stay dogs that are DESPERATE and who else is going to help them if not us that have enough money and time and you even have a partner to help you. Just an idea because I wasn't aware of how many dogs suffer before, but once I did I cannot look away and I cannot enjoy my life of privilege as a human being lucky to have a job and enough money and way more than I need for myself without feeling obligated to help those poor beings.
@maruskaehrensdorfer
3 ай бұрын
@@user-lr1nc7ek4q that's great! Just remember that it's child-free and not childless. Childless implies that you wanted kids but that you couldn't. 😉😃
@user-lr1nc7ek4q
3 ай бұрын
@@maruskaehrensdorfer Nope. I am childless. I don't go for that semantics crap and I don't let other people correct my words, tell me what to remember, or what I implied.
@teri3965
3 ай бұрын
I’m 63 with no children. Zero regrets. I’m happy being a dog mommy. 💕
@shallonlester
3 ай бұрын
Your pup is lucky to have you!!
@RangaRussian
3 ай бұрын
Love that for you ☺️ can’t wait to be a dog mum myself!
@freppy06
3 ай бұрын
ofc you are, bc the other choice is being bitter and regretful, so...
@soonerredtx4896
3 ай бұрын
I had an 8th grade student ask me once why I didn’t have kids. I told her I didn’t really want any (at that time). She actually thought having a child was a rule of adulthood. You grow up. You have a baby (s). I told her she could choose. She could do whatever she wanted. Go to college. Get married. Wait until she is older. She was genuinely shocked.
@BK-2003
3 ай бұрын
With the way we’re raised, especially girls, it really does seem like there’s no other option. I don’t blame her for thinking that.
@crybully
3 ай бұрын
What does wait til she’s older mean?
@maruskaehrensdorfer
3 ай бұрын
@@crybully wait until she's older to make up her mind about whether or not she wants kids.
@rinnypink
3 ай бұрын
When I substitute taught, I would often get asked by students (of all ages) why I didn’t have kids. I’d respond, “Why don’t you?” They would giggle and say, “We’re not supposed to have kids!” And I’d say, “Well, neither am I.” 😂
@soonerredtx4896
3 ай бұрын
@@crybully Wait to make decisions. Scientists know that the brain isn’t fully developed until a person is at least 25. Almost all my high school friends who married young are divorced. Waiting to marry and have kids (or not) gives you a better chance of staying married.
@rosaliewalker1655
3 ай бұрын
I have 2 children aged 29 (girl) and 26 (boy) and although I love them and I admit I thoroughly admire women who don't want kids. I'm 52 and remember how I was raised to believe it's almost expected. I have a friend in her 60s that has no children always had the best response when asked what will you do when you're old w noone to care for you? She said well I'll be in the same nursing home your kids are going to put you in
@AFFTFOMSICHTS
3 ай бұрын
Love this 😂😂
@bluecollarlit
3 ай бұрын
LOL. You rock.
@branna3606
3 ай бұрын
Absolutely true
@LosAngelesLaura
3 ай бұрын
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀💀💀
@csa_yt
3 ай бұрын
@@LosAngelesLaura Gosh... the absolute TRUTH!!! You give your kids EVERYTHING and all they want is for you to die early so they can inherit or if you're too much of a burden and they don't kill you themselves, they'll discard you in a nursing home or whatever as soon as they can (and steal all of your belongings and sell your house the VERY SAME DAY although you're still alive!!!). I've heard theses stories over and over again...
@francine6485
3 ай бұрын
People who have kids will have joys I will never experience and they will have sorrows I will never experience.
@shallonlester
3 ай бұрын
This is so true-the sorrows. Maybe I don’t trust myself to weather those sorrows but…I just don’t find those extremities appealing.
@noworriesxox
3 ай бұрын
I don’t want to spend the next forever of my life worrying about a human I am responsible for ! Idk how mothers get rid of that fear
@fleuramolly6169
3 ай бұрын
@@noworriesxox it's almost like having a pet. But if you don't feel it, then it is what it is.
@yoca78
3 ай бұрын
@@noworriesxox you don’t
@user-cl4ox6dd7c
3 ай бұрын
I read somewhere “The question isn’t do you want to have a baby, the question is do you want to raise a human. That baby part lasts exactly one year”. Like, yikes! I don’t want to deal with the rest of their life.
@KarolinaSochacka
3 ай бұрын
Even in Catholic Church, priests are saying that motherhood can be realized in the very different ways. It’s not always about being a mother to a baby, it’s about being the caregiver, someone who supports with their wisdom, kind word, understanding and love. Truly, you do that to us here.❤
@mayluz444
3 ай бұрын
Not all women need to be caregivers either, being a woman doesn't automatically mean you have motherly or nurturing instincts and its totally fine
@mariyahanson
3 ай бұрын
true❤
@Ginmabes
3 ай бұрын
35 and childfree here. Love it! I love babies and kids, but that's not the life I want. I have time, freedom, spontaneity, space to be creative. I look into the future and see travel, joy, dogs, peace. And I have the most wonderful nephew, that's enough for me! Don't listen to the people who are offended by your choice, they're just threatened that you deign to choose an unconventional path.
@mariyahanson
3 ай бұрын
Yes! love that for you
@victoriamariely
3 ай бұрын
My dad always tells me: I will be worried about you even if Im dead. So… that is the best description of parenting to me hahaha
@Superstitious33
3 ай бұрын
You don’t need to be a mom Shallon! You’re already like a mother figure to so many people with the advice you give, including to me! Shalligator since 2019 💛
@Sylvia-lb8dw
3 ай бұрын
As a 35 year old recent mother of two (a 2 years old and a 6 month old)- I will tell you straight-up: You have to really, really want this. It’s extremely tiring. You hit the ground running from the moment they wake up until the moment you go to sleep. Plus you sleep in intervals of 3-4 hrs max because they’re still not sleeping through the night. I’m proud of my fellow millennials who aren’t having kids when they sense that they don’t want them. My mom was pressured by society to have kids and it really affected my confidence because everything she did with us was minimal and half-hearted, but thankfully my father went out of his way to give my sisters and I a golden childhood. I could tell from dating some American men (my husband is European), that they were raised but not really wanted. And it really causes problems down the line.
@Stephanie.101
3 ай бұрын
I only want to settle down and have babies once I’m financially secure and have a supportive husband. I grew up with both parents and had everything I ever wanted and needed, my childhood was golden and if I’m having children they deserve to have a golden childhood too
@CyberSecurityFashionDesigner
3 ай бұрын
That’s so nice to hear tbh! Any advice on marriage and money ?
@BethVonBlack
3 ай бұрын
I know lots of people who grow up thinking that, but then find that a) financial security is no longer guaranteed or b) they never meet a man who they actually think would make a decent father. Better to be realistic, imo.
@Stephanie.101
3 ай бұрын
@@BethVonBlack a girl can dream can’t she? Honestly this is my most humble dream in my life. I’m an over achiever coming from a family of over achievers. I have a stable well paying job, I have my business and other streams of income and a commercial property that will be completed soon. My family consists of high income people doctors, a pilot, bankers, entrepreneurs and commercial farmers so realistically being financially secure is absolutely possible. Option B however might be the problem because that is something that is out of my control. I might meet somebody who makes a great husband and partner but absent father. Which reminds me of my ex. He was a great guy but we had to break up because I was leaving for uni. He met someone and they got married and soon after they had a baby and this great guy turned out to be the most dead beat dad in the history of the universe 🫢🙆♀️ I was so shocked at how such a good guy could make such a miserable father. He is a husband and father in paper but still acts like a carefree, fun loving boyfriend in real life so yeah you’re right about the reality of men out there. When I was young and didn’t care about boys or companionship I always thought I would grow up and adopt a child so that option is in the table too and I will be so happy and financially ready for the role.
@Stephanie.101
3 ай бұрын
@@CyberSecurityFashionDesigner oh my goodness, I wish 😅 money and business yeah absolutely, love and marriage this topic makes me scared honestly because the only two people I’ve ever been with were narcissists so half the time it was bliss but the rest of the time it was like I went to sleep in heaven and woke up in the middle of a war zone. I don’t want to let these experiences ruin my view of love and relationships, they knew how to act decent and emotionally mature to trap me so that means there are actually healthy mature people out there who act this way naturally and there is no bait and switch right?
@Stephanie.101
3 ай бұрын
@@BethVonBlack a girl can dream can’t she? Honestly this is my most humble dream in my life. I’m an over achiever coming from a family of over achievers. I have a stable well paying job, I have my business and other streams of income and a commercial property that will be completed soon. My family consists of high income people doctors, a pilot, bankers, entrepreneurs and commercial farmers so realistically being financially secure is absolutely possible. Option B however might be the problem because that is something that is out of my control. I might meet somebody who makes a great husband and partner but absent father. Which reminds me of my ex. He was a great guy but we had to break up because I was leaving for uni. He met someone and they got married and soon after they had a baby and this great guy turned out to be the most dead beat dad in the history of the universe 🫢🙆♀️ I was so shocked at how such a good guy could make such a miserable father. He is a husband and father in paper but still acts like a carefree, fun loving boyfriend in real life so yeah you’re right about the reality of men out there. When I was young and didn’t care about boys or companionship I always thought I would grow up and adopt a child so that option is in the table too and I will be so happy and financially ready for the role.
@Lauren_22613
3 ай бұрын
I never wanted kids my entire life, it just didn’t feel like it was for me and I still stand by my decision today! Never once was jealous of people with kids. I’m a wonderful fur mom and that’s what I love ❤
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
❤ my bf said to me you don’t want kids u some even like them. We’re going to have bunnies 😂 I said at least 3.. a minimum of 2
@patheticfangirl792
3 ай бұрын
I'm 43, never wanted kids to the point it was never a topic and it never seemed to bother anyone. I never felt the pressure to have kids or justify myself, it's just not in me and everyone seems to understand that without me having to say anything (I'm very much of a nurturer though.) The only time that was a problem was when my ex suddenly wanted nothing more in the world. We had already been together for 12 years at that point, I really thought life would be just us two and the cat. I was perfectly happy like that, I didn't need anything more. I loved that man (and that cat) more than anything in the world. But because I loved him so, I got myself convinced it was just a matter of maturity and time, that I just wasn't ready. It took us 5 more years to finally call it quit, because that was still all that we wanted and I felt like I would cease to exist with kids as an individual, and I just didn't want to die. It's literally how I felt. Yet I tried to get there, out of love. We tried for kids for a while but I was lucky to have a "false positive" that made me realise how much I just didn't want this. How much I couldn't. It really felt like the end of MY LIFE, and I was only 35 and it wasn't fair. I was also really angry at my ex that he was asking me to just stop existing to be a mother. I cried and cried so much and so many times during those years, pleading and begging. He would always say it was just irrational fear and that I would be fine. When we finally both realised it would not happen, that I just couldn't, he accepted it but I knew he would never be happy this way, so we eventually separated. After 17 years together. Now he's got 2 kids and I know he's happy to be a dad but I'm not sure at all he's happy. We're still close but there are things we don't talk about, like does he love his wife and his life now? I know having kids his hard on them and they are exhausted, all the time. As for me, I'm living my best life and I applaud myself every day for not having had kids. I'm free, that's all I wanted in life. Freedom and love. I wish I was still with my ex, I really loved him and I really thought we'd be together untill the end of times and beyond. But freedom was more important, it turned out.
@zippi771
3 ай бұрын
Kudos to you for staying true to yourself, even though it must have been very difficult to end that relationship and go your separate ways.
@mariyahanson
3 ай бұрын
Freedom is always the best thing you can choose! It's the ultimate luxury. You are my inspiration! thank you for sharing💕
@rheadreid
3 ай бұрын
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this story 💕.
@kspj69
3 ай бұрын
He got what he wanted and you got what you wanted. He is happy with his life and so are you. Everyone deserves to live, the way they want to.
@juttalange2931
3 ай бұрын
It is so true, Shallon, there are so many people in this world who are not fit to have kids. On top of that, the planet is overpopulated. When I found out that my ex-husband has a child it was a strange feeling, but now he is divorced from her and she has to raise a liittle child by herself. That could have been me. Furthermore, I know families where all kids live abroad, so they are going to be alone when they are old, although they have kids
@csa_yt
3 ай бұрын
You dodged that bullet!
@alexandraflamand2142
3 ай бұрын
I’ve been struggling with this question for years, especially because I’m literally the only person in my environment who doesn’t want kids. Your videos have given me the strength to fully embrace a childfree life, and no longer care about other people’s opinions. It’s been great to find someone online who articulates so well what I’m feeling about this topic! Hoping to be able to join you on one of the Italy trips. 😎
@lisaweglinski7999
3 ай бұрын
Pain travels through a family until someone decides to feel it. Maybe you become the person to actually feel it and NOT pass it on to the next generation (by not having kiddos) What an amazing sacrifice.
@zsuzsuspetals
3 ай бұрын
exactly! It ran in the family until it ran into me. My parents never should have had kids. I was afraid I'd be a parent like them. Now at 52, I see everything wrong with my childhood and now I'd know how to raise a child. But it's too late for many reasons. I'm very happy with my life and don't regret not having kids. And my husband doesn't either. So many of his co-workers have made comments like how lucky he is for the life we have. Men like the idea of passing on genes but few of them want to truly be parents.
@jarkachalmovianska7812
3 ай бұрын
Exactly. Many people have kids just to avoid to feel things, have time to work on issues. I dont have time energy money because i have a baby...
@lillie3793
3 ай бұрын
SO MUCH YES!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@mindingpeople
3 ай бұрын
Don't get a kid from a place of fear. I didn't want a child and my husband did and I really prayed for it that if a kid was meant for me, I would want it. That feeling one day came and I was blessed with a wonderful child. Let me tell you something. It is incredibly hard. You have to give everything up and while that learns you a lot, it is more than okay not to want it. We are in a day and age where you have the ability to choose what you want. So don't take a child out of fear. Your life can be so wonderful without a child and for me my child is a blessing and I am so grateful for her. Just know what you are choosing for, because in the end, you bring someone in the world that didn't chose that life so you have to be in a position to give your child the best you have.
@awolfe8
3 ай бұрын
Theres a russian saying "have the amount of kids you can raise alone". For some people that answer may be none, respectfully so! I was widowed at age 29 with 3 babies. Be careful ladies!!
@soonerredtx4896
3 ай бұрын
Wow. I’ve never heard that saying, and I certainly never thought I’d be in that exact position. I was widowed last December. I have a 10 year old. I guess I inadvertently had the number of kids I could raise alone.
@awolfe8
3 ай бұрын
@@soonerredtx4896 wow im so sorry ❤. Yes possibly!
@juttalange2931
3 ай бұрын
That is what I always say!!!
@LosAngelesLaura
3 ай бұрын
This is so wise! I think I subconsciously applied this philosophy. I’ve always told myself “I don’t want to be a single mother” which is along the same lines. Therefore, the answer to that question was ALWAYS none! ❤
@LosAngelesLaura
3 ай бұрын
@@soonerredtx4896wow! What an incredibly difficult experience to go through! I’m in awe of your strength to even be able to talk about this! I wish you and your son nothing but healing, joy, love and abundant peace… I hope you soar to unimaginable heights 🦅❤♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
@lyubov6612
3 ай бұрын
As a woman of 40 and very decidedly childfree I can tell that my decision is not a one-factor thing. I can totally admit that I am in fact quite broken (being a parent to my alcoholic mother since 12 till pretty much several years ago and suffering from chronic depression hence unwilling to risk child's well-being by barely being able to take care of myself at times), but I can't help but seeing most people around me having kids for all the wrong reasons - most of the time it's either some version of manipulation (land a man, fix a marriage, etc) or the way of dealing with an existential crisis, and it breaks my heart to watch how babies are treated as some kind of no-brainer decisions for what i'm gonna do with my life question. And I actually read a novel by this male author who along with his other thoughts on the nature of love and partnership suggested that the people who are really full-filled in their professional spheres often don't have the need, space or desire for another project of a child, especially if their need for love is covered elsewhere. I understand it's a hot take but I hope this idea may help some women who societal pressure makes miserable and doubt their position.
@user-vd4mn3lu9e
3 ай бұрын
YES!!!! ........the people who are really full-filled in their professional spheres often don't have the need, space or desire for another project of a child, especially if their need for love is covered elsewhere. THIS IS ME. I ALSO NEVER FELT THE NEED TO HAVE A MAN EITHER. DATED, BUT HATED THE CHANGE I HAD TO MAKE IN MYSELF TO MEET THE MAN AT THE SAME LEVEL. DO I IWSH I HAD A RICH HUSBAND?, SOMETIMES, BUT I LOVE MY OWN LIFE AND DOING WHAT EVER I WANT.
@pri.sci.lla.
3 ай бұрын
Can you share the name of the book? Id be interested in reading that!
@lyubov6612
3 ай бұрын
@@pri.sci.lla. Sure, it's Another way by Boris Akunin, but I'm afraid it's not available in English 😔
@fleuramolly6169
3 ай бұрын
@@user-vd4mn3lu9e But wouldn't this mean humanity will keep on existing in agony, trauma and manipulation?
@MariaLuckyxo
2 ай бұрын
@@user-vd4mn3lu9e *"DO I WSH I HAD A RICH HUSBAND?, SOMETIMES,...."* I love this so much, it made me smile, Thank you for the honesty. 💖
@zsoli3240
3 ай бұрын
Shallon, you cannot imagine how much you helped me with this video. I was having a break down last week, because I am 35, single for years but living a great life in my own apartment, I have a great social life, friends and family... but everyone is only interested in that I am running out of time having kids (not like I EVER wanted them at all...) and sometimes people are telling me, I am gonna die alone because of that. But I know that is not true... so thank you❤
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
36 have a wonderful bf and still don’t want kids never did never will. If you want kids I hope it happens for you if you don’t you’re still amazing. Don’t let other peoples opinions affect you. They’re just projecting onto u
@sarahalderman3126
3 ай бұрын
Uh... you are going to die alone though, along with every single other human being since the beginning of time.
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
@@sarahalderman3126 with that type of personality I’m sure it’s you
@sarahalderman3126
3 ай бұрын
@@Bunny11344 lol... whatever let it be a surprise😉
@sarahalderman3126
3 ай бұрын
@@Bunny11344 literally every single human being since the beginning of time has died alone. Anything else is just as impossible as taking your belongings "with" you. We all enter the world alone and we will all leave this world alone. Just is what it is.😉
@Truth4peace4freedom
3 ай бұрын
I'm like you....an overachiever. I was a straight A student in high school & college. When I reached about 40 years old the amount of panic that set in about not getting to mother a child was on another level. I felt like the window was closing on this amazing experience. Thankfully I had no problems getting pregnant, but I can see how this sacrifice is not for everyone. Baby loss & infertility can be devastating to a couple. Grief is such a difficult thing to go through. You can avoid all this by not even trying, but I do believe the hardships that we go through truly purifies our hearts & makes us more compassionate to one another. So I was blessed to have my little boy (although not before many hardships), and I'm going to be a stay-at-home mom for probably 10 years or so. After that I'll start helping to provide financially again. We probably only have a good solid decade or so to truly influence our children until they fly the coop. I see now that the definition of motherhood is sacrifice, and if you aren't willing to go through that fire then it's probably not the path for you. With all that hard work comes an amazing reward, but you can't even start that hard work unless you set yourself up for it years in advance. A solid relationship is required. This major part of a women's life is just glossed over in school, so many women are left feeling lied to or deceived. So much pressure is put on us to achieve & earn money, but unless we have traditional parents there's no pressure on us to become parents, and at around 40 years of age we find ourselves in a crisis. So unless you feel that burning in your soul to be a parent then maybe it's not the path for you. Shallon, I see you being like that Dallas housewife with the single mother. She went on to marry a kind, good looking man with a couple kids. I can see you becoming a stepmother in the next 5 to 10 years. And if your path doesn't lead you to becoming a mother, that's fine too. Only you know what's best for you.
@FishareFriendsNotFood972
3 ай бұрын
As a woman who never, for one single second, ever thought I would want kids, I've found the main problem is how much the men I've dated have not taken that stance seriously. They start out acting like they respect that choice, but as the years go on they start to take it personally, like what they really assumed all along is all women will want a kid when they've met the 'one', so if I don't want kids with THEM, it's somehow insulting their ego. Even partners I've had that I know for a fact don't want kids seem to be more comfortable dating a woman who does, or is open to it, because that makes them think she's 'all in' and not holding back, and therefore the relationship is more secure. I think it also has to do with the power dynamic, like men always want a power upper hand, and me 'withholding' my womb is somehow a power play. Like they can want to be unencumbered and enjoying adult life, but if I am, then I'm too selfish. It's exhausting and demoralizing and I've found so many people think unless there's 'kids' on the table, then dating and partnership is not worth investing in.
@mariyahanson
3 ай бұрын
I feel you !
@csa_yt
3 ай бұрын
Gosh, that's so true!!! They always think you're "kidding" and that one day you will budge. I never have and it cost me 2 serious relationships.
@FishareFriendsNotFood972
3 ай бұрын
@@csa_yt Exactly! And same, it cost me at least two long term relationships (other ones I think it was implicated). One that after FIVE YEARS he said 'if you really loved me, you would want my baby'. 😫 Men are really out here just completely pretending they don't understand English when their girlfriend tells them stuff they don't want to hear. 🤣 It took me a long time to recover from that breakup and not feel like the bad guy.
@patheticfangirl792
3 ай бұрын
My ex really felt I didn't love him enough because I didn't want kids. He said he'd done everything for me and the only thing he ever asked of me, I couldn't give him. It wasn't fair, but if that's how he felt... I know I broke his heart and I will never be forgiven that I didn't "love him enough."
@FishareFriendsNotFood972
3 ай бұрын
@@patheticfangirl792 I'm so sorry he made you feel that way!
@caitlinchoate4982
3 ай бұрын
I’m 38 and my fiancé is 51. We want to have a baby but we’ve been trying for two years and nothing has happened. One doctor told me he thinks I have endometriosis but I will need to have surgery to confirm it. I don’t have the typical signs and symptoms of endometriosis. He only thinks I have it because I’m not getting pregnant and had painful periods as a teenager. I don’t want to risk thousands of dollars on IVF because it might not work. I used to think I’d be devastated if I didn’t become a mother. But every day I drive past the children’s hospital on my way to work, I’m grateful that I’m not one of the parents currently sitting next to a hospital bed watching their child suffer. The only thing worse (to me) than not having a child, is losing a child. Luckily for me, all of my friends and family know I want a baby, so they never make me feel bad for not having one. I have a lot of childfree friends so I don’t feel abnormal. I’m very lucky. I’m glad being childfree has become more normalized. Thank you for continuing to normalize being childfree. It makes me feel better about my circumstances.
@t.6071
3 ай бұрын
No your fiancé is just old and has dead sperm. It’s not your fault
@emilianunezful
3 ай бұрын
I just want to say something… I’m 39 years old… I got married at 32 to the wrong person, got divorced and then marry again to the love of my life at 35… after 4 years of being together and experiencing what love really is… I desperately want to have a baby with him… we are trying 🙏🏼. I just think that for some people is necessary to be in a loving and safe place to even want to have kids. Maybe that is situation for many women that say they don’t want kids. Believe I was the same until recently. I was sooo sure and here I am wanting a baby so bad that it hurts from deep inside.
@francescaknapp
3 ай бұрын
Same for me. Didn’t want kids at all till I married an amazing man who is so supportive and loving and my soul mate. Had our baby together and he helps me through all the hard work and sometimes takes on extra ❤ I do think that can happen with a lot of women. It’s good they shouldn’t want them unless they know they will be fully supported. Not good for the kid either to have a strung out mama!
@ilonat8373
3 ай бұрын
I disagree. There are a lot of couples mad in love as soon as the baby arrives their relationship is ruined.
@francescaknapp
3 ай бұрын
@@ilonat8373 of course that happens too we didn’t say bad things won’t happen after children are born. We said many women feel like having kids when they have a supportive and loving husband and suddenly want them when they didn’t. What happens after that of course is not always good.
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
Ya I’m with someone that makes me feel safe and I still don’t want one. Some people just don’t want kids
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
@@ilonat8373yasss this is true!! I work in healthcare and noticed there’s actually a lot of women that don’t have kids it’s awesome!!!
@Myah234
3 ай бұрын
I have a coworker who had a baby at like 16 with an abusive boyfriend. She had to FLEE from Haiti to Brazil and cross the border into the US with her baby boy. Now that she’s here she doesn’t have time for him. She gave him to her cousin so she can take care of him temporarily because she doesnt have time. They live close by but the boy asks her “Mommy who’s my dad? Why doesnt my dad love me?” Etc. She has a 2 year relationship with a loser who doesn’t contribute at all to either her or her baby boy( who asked the loser if he could call him dad) 💔. And she had to nerve to tell me “Not everyone is good enough to have kids, maybe people think there is something wrong with you or you’re a crazy girl because you’re not married and you dont have kids” I shut her down with “I couldn’t live with myself if i was irresponsible enough to have a baby, especially with guys now a days. I know my value. if i get pregnant it’ll by with a wealthy man of my choosing worthy enough to be a father to them. I have all the freedom in the world. Her answer to this was “All men are the same. A rich man might look at you and not want you or use you because you dont have money.” I told her i have been around wealthy people my entire life and i know how to carry myself accordingly. This girl has a platinum weave and her nails done ALL the time. We are not the same my friend. When she told me everything her son says to her i started crying. My mom was a single mom same scenerio and i suffered child SA for 6 years because of her choices. Women constantly talk about wanting to be a Mom but forget to consider their child’s potential struggles. Who’s to say they won’t be born with a syndrome or something that will make their lives even harder let alone as a single mom? No thanks I’m good. I’m 27, I’m young I’m hot I’m a worldly traveled girlie who has all the freedom in the world. My hispanic mother did not struggle for me to make the same mistakes.
@19katsandcounting
3 ай бұрын
She’s just envious of you. She sounds extremely self centered and immature. Her life won’t end well.
@selrox879
3 ай бұрын
My story is similar to yours, i was SA'ed too, but by other kids. I had a tough life, i'm just 26 but i dont want ever to get married or have children, no education (could not afford) a lot of people judge me for my choices but i dont want my children to experience what i have experienced. Sorry for my english,not american
@erin6220
3 ай бұрын
*caring man who helps and understands your feelings
@user-vd4mn3lu9e
3 ай бұрын
That "friend" is not a mother. She is a monster. People should have to pass a test in order to have children. She sounds like a POS
@Myah234
3 ай бұрын
@@erin6220 absolutely but that doesn’t pay the bills or pay for healthcare or a sick baby or his clothes or school lunch or college. We are in difficult and different times. Money pays for opportunities that any mother would want her child to have. I also would want to be a hands on mom who has TIME* for her kids. My mother married 5 times. One was a multi millionaire and she was more present then. Not to say I’m going to be a trad stay at home helpless mom. No. But i would have more precious and priceless time to be with our kids. 🤍 So that MY children dont have to ask me Mommy when can i see you Mommy you’re always working. 💔
@ChiticariuLaura
3 ай бұрын
Shallon is spoiling us today 🥺❤️
@bluecollarlit
3 ай бұрын
Agree. I like the videos showing up, one after the other.
@mohamedAgacem
3 ай бұрын
I think people asking someone when will they have a baby is rude and intrusive, it's basically the same as asking someone when will they have sex
@bluecollarlit
3 ай бұрын
The people who have the most children are people who don't have the time, money, or energy for raising them.
@lynninfinite
3 ай бұрын
And they project onto other people asking when they’ll have kids 😐 why don’t they have kids? Why don’t they want kids? It’s insane
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
@@lynninfiniteand they make you feel bad like you’re incomplete and your life is nothing without them. I laugh at them and go well I’m in shape, spending my money on whatever I want and get to have free time for my hobbies. Meanwhile they’re out of shape exhausted and only live thru their kids. I noticed most that have them have stagnant relationships/marriages too.
@lynninfinite
3 ай бұрын
@@Bunny11344 I suspect some of these ppl aren’t truly happy being parents and want others to join on the misery. Parents who TRULY love being parents don’t shove it down other ppl’s throats to have kids
@Stephanie.101
3 ай бұрын
I wish I could upload a screenshot here. I watched a video a few months ago of a young lady, around 20-22, she’s got a baby and a boyfriend and does her residency as a specialist doctor in something. Her days start early and end super late and I commented on the video “As a single unemployed female I admire your strength and I wish I had half the energy you have” here comes some foolish woman in the comments telling me “have a baby it will give you purpose and you’ll be forced to have the energy” everyone in the replies lit her up 🔥 How disrespectful?! This woman knew nothing about me and the condition I’m in for me to say “I admire her and wish I had the energy she has” the reason I was weak and unemployed was because I had had a failing organ and I couldn’t get out of bed to take care of myself let alone get my ass to work. If I can’t even take care of myself how foolish would it be for me to bring a baby into this world? Is having a baby magically going to fix my liver? Is having a baby going to give me the strength to take care of myself and the baby? Or will I dump the baby on my parents and be a total failure and deadbeat mom? Or maybe having a baby is going to fatten my bank account somehow And maybe having a baby will help me find a good paying job with good pay and good working hours and free childcare? I really hate when women say such nonsense without thinking about the reasons why some people haven’t made the same life choices that they have
@sarahalderman3126
3 ай бұрын
True. We don't all get the same choices in life.
@michaelk.4065
3 ай бұрын
Wow I can totally relate to the vistors-at-the-home example. I am a nurse working in a hospital and ever so often I meet elderly patients who are never visited by anyone. So I also would ask them if they have kids and they respond with yes they do. So many of them live in other cities or even countries, they go on vacation while their mom or dad is in the hospital, sometimes in a very unstabile condition. I love mentioning and using this in conversations with people who use the argument of having children as some sort of insurance for the later years. So spot on Shallon. 👌🏼
@amyzzz9681
3 ай бұрын
My dad just died almost two months ago, and he was in a longterm care home for most of the last year and a half. I kid you not, my sister went to visit him EVERY SINGLE DAY, and if she could not go that day, she MADE SURE either my brother or I went to go see him. And thank goodness, I was able to spend time with him every day during his last week on Earth. I think that is important.
@mermaidsexist4339
3 ай бұрын
Shallon, I appreciate this post so much! Women are so much more than our wombs and whether or not they are used to birth a child. I’ve been married to my sweetheart for 11 years at 32 years old. Neither of us want children. I have made a pact with my 36 year old BFF (who also does not want kids) that if our hubbys pass 😢 that we will live together as two old ladies and help each other financially and emotionally. I’m proud of my generation for being honest. If you don’t want kids it’s ok..l neither did my great uncle… that man lead an amazing life… he left houses, properties, and money for his niece’s and nephews. Parenting comes in different forms.
@AsMr-km6ex
3 ай бұрын
It’s bizarre to me and always has been that anyone thinks it’s their place to weigh in on how people want to live. Having kids always comes up and some people think they know better, whether it’s encouraging or discouraging parenthood. At 40 I try my best not to let anyone sway me anymore. Doing that got me into a very bad place in life that im clawing my way out of. Allowed people to walk all over me because of an awful childhood, but have been healing that so never again. I love my children but it is incredibly hard. Some people just don’t want to do parenthood or do other things in life that society says we should have checked off by a certain age. The best piece of advice I can think of is only allow kind people in your life.
@csa_yt
3 ай бұрын
I've never wanted kids, only pets. I've been saying that ever since I was a kid. I'm almost 42 and I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS. I still don't want them, I haven't frozen my eggs "just in case I would change my mind in the future". It has cost me 2 important relationships because they wanted kids and not me (although they still haven't found someone to have kids with... ;)). I wanna enjoy my life for me and not for my kids or through them nor make them pay for not wanting them (which happens SO OFTEN AND NO ONE DARES TO ADMIT IT!!!).
@nataliebennett3221
3 ай бұрын
THANK YOU for the “if both paths feel wrong then both paths feel right” (or however you phrased it) point. I struggle with all of this so much and this way of thinking about it helps me immensely. 🩷 happy Mother’s Day, Shallon-you’ve mothered me from afar so many times for years! 🤣💕
@mariyahanson
3 ай бұрын
true❤
@shallonlester
3 ай бұрын
You are so welcome! It’s a tough situation but at least let’s flip it into something positive!
@jessieportilo7595
3 ай бұрын
I love your videos. Whenever I'm cooking, cleaning, doing monotonous tasks around the house I put on my headphones and listen to you. Made my life so much more fun and enjoyable. You're able to articulate your feelings so intelligently and it's very insightful & interesting. Thank you Shallon!
@gaganorthofthe49th62
3 ай бұрын
For all women who didn’t haven’t or don’t want kids, all the power to you. Don’t feel like you have to explain to anybody, and happy mother’s daiy to the women and men who celebrate it today❤
@TheBusyHoneyBee
3 ай бұрын
I don't believe any doctor about fertility. My mom had pcos and couldn't pass dad on a thight hall that she'd get pregnant. I am the eldest, my pcos mom had me while taking birthcontroll. When she had sister number 3, the anesthesiologyst said her back couldn't take another pregnancy, she was on risk on becoming paraplegic from the anasthesia (she had 3 c-sectins), she went to her OBGYN to prescribe birthcontroll. He said that there was no chance in hell she was getting pregnant again because she was too old (38), still breastfeeding and had pcos. Not 2 months latter she was pregnant again...
@TheEyeOfTaurusAK
3 ай бұрын
Hey Shallon, I’m in a similar boat to you. I’m 40, don’t have kids…I also struggle with whether or not I want one (I know if it’s gonna happen it’s gotta happen real soon), so I go back & forth with it….after a hard days work on my feet all day being a florist (which is getting harder by the day being on my feet) I’m so thankful that I don’t have to be all cheery & deal with a kid after (and on Sunday mornings when I sleep in till 10am)…but then there are times when I have this nagging feeling that I’m a waste of a life if I don’t reproduce. It all leads back to the Philosophical question asked by scholars for centuries: “What is the meaning of Life?” I struggle with not having a purpose. I’m not a career girlie, fuck that. Pets are great, but their lifespan is short. And the bloodline also ends with me too. I also feel like people who don’t have children don’t live as long? Maybe I’m just making that up, but I think about my aunt Carol, who was my mom’s bff…she was exactly like us. She’s already dead. And I’m just like what if I develop Alzheimer’s…who’s going to make the decision that I need to be in a home? Who are they gonna call when I’m found wandering the street not knowing how I got there? Some cop is just going to bring me home & itll keep happening until…what the state steps in b/c nobody else has the authority to make that decision? These are the things I struggle with.
@fleuramolly6169
3 ай бұрын
I would decide for a child if it's something you really wish for
@lalalallalalaala
3 ай бұрын
misery loves company! it's always been weird to me how women with children are usually the ones who pressure childfree women into being like them...
@elizabeth1178
3 ай бұрын
The fertility fear drives me insane. I knew so many women that had oops babies 38-45 growing up
@Imagination_Now
3 ай бұрын
Being a mother is the greatest love of all, but it is also the most difficult. You explained it perfectly. "Wearing your heart on the outside of your body" Just so you know, you are a mother figure to many. You have big mom energy. Happy mothers day 💐
@24cammo98
3 ай бұрын
I am only halfway through this show, and Shallon it is your best content ever. So many truths here that don’t get discussed or put out there. I truly think you are helping people with this either those of us who haven’t had children or those listeners who really shouldn’t have children. it is heartbreaking to see unwanted and uncared for children and equally heartbreaking to see super stressed inappropriate parents trying to do this and they just don’t have it in them. Thank you, thank you thank you❤
@carro7sheena7
3 ай бұрын
I have 2 boys who constantly fight and are so ungrateful to their parents. Having kids has put so much pressure on my marriage that I doubt it will last. Good choice!!! ❤
@BethVonBlack
3 ай бұрын
I'm turning 38 in a few weeks - I'm married, am living abroad for 2 years and have visited 15 countries in those last 2 years, we've saved up a huge deposit for our next house (we already bought one and rent it out while we're abroad) and live very comfortably in the knowledge that we wouldn't have been able to do any of that had we chosen to be parents. It's not for either of us and that's fine. Both our families know and accept it and the only questioning I ever get is from nurses when they take my blood pressure (are you married? yes, Have kids? No. Oh, not yet? No, not ever - I literally had to say that to one nurse!) I was sterilised at 31. It was the best decision I've ever made - I'm not maternal, I don't like children AND THAT'S OKAY - it's MY life, no one else's. But yeah, it's a sad fact of life that you still have to have quite a thick skin to choose to be childfree. You will get comments and questions from people, but it's up to us how we respond - I'm just honest - and that's all that matters to me, personally - I'm living my truth, for me.
@ireriramirez9330
3 ай бұрын
I agree with Shallon. I've met people that have kids that should have never been parents. It's the reality of the world. If you know you don't want kids then you shouldn't have them.
@francescacroft5905
3 ай бұрын
What really angers me is that no one ever comments if a single man of a certain age doesn’t have children. Like, who’s going to look after HIM in his old age?? Statistically women do better on their own (especially with pets!) than men do so don’t worry society, we’ll be just fine…
@thelsw2188
3 ай бұрын
Bless you, truly, for making this video. I’m turning 32 soon and am married and absolutely love my life and have so much joy and fulfillment. My mother literally sat my husband down and told him I don’t have purpose to my life because I’m not a mom and am not planning to be. She calls me selfish. But she’s just trying to have another go-around at “raising” kids because she knows how horrible a mother she was
@mermaidsexist4339
3 ай бұрын
I’m also 32… I’ve been married for 11 years. People scoffed and said we were too young… we weren’t. I made sure to tell him I didn’t want kids and I doubted that would ever change and he was fine with it and still is. I love our life together and we ARE a family. I know what child rearing involves… I’m an eldest daughter and I babysit cousins for years. I don’t want that life bc I kinda lived it. Temper tantrums, talking back, diaper changes, snack time…. It was much more mentally draining than rewarding for me. I have very close relationship with my parents so I feel fulfilled and loved. I lack nothing even though people tell me I do… how cruel lol
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
Wow.. you should just laugh at your mom and tell her she’s selfish.
@Bunny11344
3 ай бұрын
@@mermaidsexist4339yasss girl and also becoming a caretaker for parents is so exhausting too. I can’t imagine those who have kids and have to caretake.. and part time work..
@pabloescobarschanclas
3 ай бұрын
your mother sounds like a cxnt. best thing to do with someone like that is going no contact. they don’t change.
@alysiadestinie
3 ай бұрын
I have been deemed as the “rich aunt” by my sisters so I will embrace that era until God blesses me to enter my mom era ❤
@TaniaEstes
3 ай бұрын
I never wanted kids at all until I met my husband, ended up having 3. Sometimes your thought on kids changes when you meet the right dude.
@freppy06
3 ай бұрын
this. there's always a reason centered around security.
@Xtheearthchildx
3 ай бұрын
I stared this year off by committing to getting the best shape of life to prepare to have a baby. 5 months later, I’ve lost 25lbs of body fat and I’m pushing back the idea of having kids simply because I am enjoying being in shape 😂
@slmadison1213
3 ай бұрын
I'm 51 and childless. I never made the decision not to have children but I also didn't make the decision to have them. I didn't know what I wanted so I left it up to the universe. I have had 5 miscarriages in my life and I believe and hope that I will spend eternity with all of them in Heaven. I am able to take comfort in the fact that my babies never knew a moment of sadness and never experienced in the evils of this world. They were conceived in love and then they went to be with Jesus and hopefully my Grandmothers and other family are looking after them until I can get there. There are times when I feel a little down about my situation but most of the time I'm okay with my life. We live in Nashville and we spend a lot of money on concerts, entertainment, dining out and going on vacations. We have a large home and we were able to take my mother in after she retired. And now my sister, who is a recovering addict, is living with us and starting a new life. We have 4 cats and a dog so I have a house full of beings to look after and it satisfies that internal motherly feeling I have at times. I'm still a very "trad wife" and domestic and love to cook....that's my love language. I probably couldn't have taken in my mom and sister if we had children so I'm okay with how things are. My husband adores me and I don't share his affections with anyone. I'm the queen and princess up in here and I'm terribly spoiled. It all worked out how it was supposed to.
@slmadison1213
3 ай бұрын
Also, just listened to the part where Shallon is talking about the life of eggs and geriatric pregnancies. I got pregnant 4 times in 4 years at the ages between 34 and 38, and yes I was considered geriatric by the doctors who attended my miscarriages in the ER. After the last miscarriage we saw a specialist and the first lab he ran on me was to count my eggs. That is called anti-müllerian hormone (AMH) test and my came back at 0.023 at the age of 38. We never conceived again but we kept practicing as usual without birth control. So that lab was right....I was out of eggs. So please do not completely disregard when you're told there are limits for some people. In my case I was born with extremely tiny ovaries and my grandmother entered menopause by 45 and so did I. Most people are probably perfectly fine waiting until their early forties....but that was not the case for me. Don't block me, Shallon....I love ya, girl!
@mmps18
3 ай бұрын
I'm a mom and it brings me such joy AND I support and ride for my childfree girlies!!
@nnoowwaayy
3 ай бұрын
Yesss, i wanted another video on this!
@KatherineLee-mu2gj
3 ай бұрын
Shallon, I've been a silent watcher for a while now and your videos got me through my PhD :) You are on the ball with these videos lately!
@soldatka
3 ай бұрын
Thanks for spoiling us today with those vidss❤
@fancy1348
3 ай бұрын
I’m the married mom of 3 kids in their 20’s. I have always believed that being married and having children is not for everyone. I admire women who know with 💯 certainty that they DON’T want kids. God bless you all. I’m happy with my life choices, but I realize that my choices aren’t for everyone and that that is OK! No judgement here.
@sofiarangel1315
3 ай бұрын
Shallon, I’m so happy you are now confident about being child free. I remember when you were conflicted about it and I really felt for you because I knew exactly how you felt. I wanna say I even offered some advice in the comments about being child free. I’m Latina, and in our culture having children is such a big thing. The pressure is insane. I felt judged, pitied, and like a weirdo. But As a single woman at the time, I had to understand that I would be the only one living with the decision I made if I decided to have a baby. That really helped to cement my decision of remaining child free.
@effiebug4278
3 ай бұрын
I'm older, never married, no kids. I never found a man who wanted to family up. I kept being told that there must be something wrong with me if I wasn't ever married by the time I was 50. Talk about being deemed an old maid. I've had relationships. I would love to hear your opinions on this aspect of life,
@19katsandcounting
3 ай бұрын
I’m 46 and never married. I do have a daughter and granddaughter now. I’ve been told the same thing from women whose husbands cheat.
@patheticfangirl792
3 ай бұрын
I used to love being a wife and being joint at the hips with my ex. I loved loving him. And now I've been single for a good while... I enjoy that season of my life too, and I'm actually so comfortable in it that I'm not sure I'll ever want to be with someone again. I've have zero interest in being in a relationship for the past 5 years now, and I only care that men find me attractive, I don't even care about sex anymore. Maybe there's something wrong with me but that doesn't bother me one bit and that's all that matters.
@nata_v2422
3 ай бұрын
I have 2 kids and I totally understand why some people decide not to have kids. It’s absolutely ok and should not be judged. I judge people who have kids and neglect them, or use them as extension to their ego, or sometimes worth. Being bad parent is worse than not having kids at all. If someone doesn’t feel the need to have a baby - they shouldn’t.
@fleuramolly6169
3 ай бұрын
sadly the worst people have the most kids
@michieshell8
3 ай бұрын
56 here and no regrets! i’m actually happy and grateful to be child free :))
@urScorpioLady
3 ай бұрын
I have kids who are teenagers now and I’m in mid 30s. I also think I’m qualified to speak on this topic 😄🤭 I always wanted kid. I enjoy teaching them things, exploring the work with them, feeding them, taking care of them, spending money on them, spending time with them, loving them etc etc kid need all this !!!! If you’re not ready to give yourself to them entirely please don’t have kid. And I will love you and respect you for making that decision!! This is your life and you are allowed to live it how you want to !! You have my full respect! 🫡 it’s better not to have kids if you don’t want them than have them and not raise them properly ❤ don’t ever feel guilty for making this decision. It’s your life.
@Randomositysweet
3 ай бұрын
Guys I’m going to be vulnerable here, I’m in therapy working through it but am I the only adult woman who doesn’t want kids Cus I had a bad childhood and I don’t think I can honestly have a child and let them have a good life because I’m so bitter I didnt 😭
@laurenm9224
3 ай бұрын
Amen! I can’t believe how I agree with every point you’ve made in this video. I’m 52 and no kids and no regrets. I had a choice in life and was true to myself and didn’t let the pressures of society push me into something that wasn’t for me. My mom never put pressure on me to have them. The one thing I never expected or prepared for was that everyone you meet will forever ask, “do you have kids”? The guilt, shame and the uncomfortable feeling I would have answering them. I can just feel the judgement or pity coming from people I don’t even know. It always made me feel like I have to explain myself. Now I don’t let it bother me. People that don’t know me don’t require any explanation or justification as to why I don’t have kids. Life is hard enough and I had a choice to simplify my life. I am a mother to my 2 fur babies in my profile pics and I was meant to be their mommy. More and more women are deciding not to have children and it’s nice to hear I’m not alone.
@kyairamarbury
3 ай бұрын
Having kids is not for the faint . I’m saying this as a mother of 2 amazing kiddos. I just always wanted to be a mom so I handle it very naturally and easily. However I have seen how challenging it can be for people who maybe like doing young adult type things like going out every weekend or partying/ traveling more adult places. If you’re like that then you probably shouldn’t have kids. I love staying home, I love being with my kids all day and even when I’ve had the worst day, my kids always some how make it 100 times better. Also do have a very loyal and amazing husband so that definitely helps. You really just need to know yourself. If you don’t want kids it’s better not to have them.
@chantalventer2414
3 ай бұрын
I never wanted kids and I really started to feel like there is something wrong with me. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone in this! You’re the best. I love the calm confined you respond to the people pushing you to have kids. I’m going to try and implement some of these!
@fashionspy96
3 ай бұрын
I hope I can get to 40 looking this glowy and healthy ❤ Mad respect for having kept the good changes you made regardless your lifestyle
@igajarzebkowska4284
2 ай бұрын
12:45 this moment made me cry. Literally.
@CHK12319
3 ай бұрын
Kids are a ton of work (and I find my very easy life exhausting already) but I can’t imagine missing out on the experience of being a parent. I’m not pregnant yet, but I already feel a spiritual connection with my future baby. I know my life will start once I’m a mom. So far, it’s felt like I’m just waiting for that phase to begin. Fortunately, I’m getting engaged soon so motherhood is finally around the corner 🥰
@thedavisfam23
3 ай бұрын
23:16 I’m building an in suite, hiring nurses, and taking her to lunch and mania until she can’t anymore. I had 4 kiddos and I LOVE being a mom, but did I hear you and feel you when you said I’ve got to run myself into the ground constantly between momming, working, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and trying to look like I’ve never had kids 😂 F THIS 😂🤣
@iimushroomii
3 ай бұрын
I’m just going to put my 2 cents in here I have 2 kids and I will never ever judge someone for not wanting them. I love my kids but they are a lot of work and there is no day off or time to yourself once you have kids. It really is one of those jobs where you have to be completely selfless . If you value your free time and your fun and especially your sleep do not have kids. 😂
@shirayariv7390
3 ай бұрын
Love you so much Shallon. Woke up this morning hoping to see a video on this topic from you and here it is ❤❤❤
@hitlist7850
3 ай бұрын
Hello Shallon, I had just spent the last 3 years living in an "old folks house" with my grandma taking care of her and families not visiting was a common thing. I too am the only child of parents who are the only children and this was for a long time the only reason why I "wanted" kids, so I know that the end of bloodline is really quite scary. My grandma actually said that having kids for this reason only is a very bad idea which was quite freeing. I often spoke to her about your videos and she loved your opinions very much.
@catchmeintherye2102
3 ай бұрын
I did not want a baby in my 20’s and mid 30’s. Looking back I now realise, it was because of the regrettable men I had the misfortune to be linked to then. When I met my husband in my mid 30’s I wanted a baby. We both did. Most happily married women do want children. Women do not want babies with low quality men.
@katiebee24601
3 ай бұрын
Thank you so so much for covering this topic
@zsuzsuspetals
3 ай бұрын
There is nothing worse than growing up with parents who clearly didn't want to be parents. Having children should be something you are burning with desire for. I never felt that way so I never had kids. My husband and I say all the time how happy we are with our decision. Life is actually pretty good. Of course there are times it I feel sad about it. But rarely in life can you make a big decision without some regret or sadness being attached. Doesn't mean it was the wrong decision. This is one of my favorite quotes: “I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both.” ― Soren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life
@TiffTheTyrant
3 ай бұрын
15:35 Aaah. Lol triggered. My sister said this to me every time I would say I love my dog. She would say ‘ok now multiply that love by 1000 and that’s the love you have for a child.’ Basically invalidating my love I experience. Seriously I HATE when people say that omg
@angelinaperea6253
3 ай бұрын
I have such mixed feelings about having children. For one, my parents did not raise me, however, I was lucky enough to have grandparents and an aunt and uncle who were instrumental caring for me. That's important because as the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a kid. Today, it's hard to find a quality partner who wants to be a dad (not a fucking babydaddy). I'd want a stable partner who wants to be a provider and raise a child, and it's important for us to both be financially stable. I refuse to be a single parent living in poverty .
@annamortensen1592
3 ай бұрын
Thank you..I'm 42 and childless. I used to feel deficient or broken too for not wanting kids..So many of my friends had baby mania and I just can't relate..We should always be our authentic selves, to hell with what people think. Thank you for being you!
@mkwaterz
3 ай бұрын
I’m a fence sitter. I dream of the romanticized perfect version of motherhood ….while being genuinely terrified of the worst case scenario child. It’s a weird experience to grieve not having kids WHILE finding real joy in all the possibilities ahead. Thank you Shallon for this video, I really needed it. I loved what you said at the end about making music that only you can hear ❤ that’s so sweet and poetic.
@sonyag1912
3 ай бұрын
I am 35 with no kid, and society tries to make you believe that if you have no kids, you will be miserable in your senior years. Even my mom has told me that, she thinks I am going to end Up sad and alone. She has even had sleepless nights because if that. But I don't want kids and that is It.
@Thisismeofcourse
3 ай бұрын
love your mind, Gorgeous lady! To your point, I am baffled that in these days and age, a grown man playing sports in a woman's team -- because he decided he isn't a man -- is socially protected. Yet, somehow a smart woman who decides not to have kids has something wrong with her / deserves to be constantly put on the spot and criticized / and that's socially acceptable? absurd.
@amyzzz9681
3 ай бұрын
I’m one of those people who got pregnant accidentally, had kids and LOVED IT even though I was never expecting to have kids and wasn’t exactly ready for it. So when people tell you that “if you have kids, you will love them so much and it will be so worth it,” it IS true for some of us. I would not expect everyone to feel that way, however. That’s why we should always have all the birth control options.
@danirobinson
3 ай бұрын
I have one baby, and get looked down on for choosing to be done having kids. I love being a mother but also want a balance in my life. My husband also agrees and wants 1. but "society/family/friends/strangers" will always have a problem with what you do
@mia8391
3 ай бұрын
I see your love in your videos. You are the best, Shallon! 😍
@annab.2086
3 ай бұрын
Sorry for sounding selfish, but what you do for us is way more important than having a baby. Learning from you has been literally 💯 life-changing!!! I am not exaggerating one bit! You are the bigger, wiser, smarter sister most of us NEVWR had, even though I'm much older than you, you are way wiser and smarter than me. I really wish I could talk like you. I am always learning new vocabulary thanks to you and I write down some of your most amazing quotes from time to time so I don't forget them. So thank you!!! The legacy you are creating is the BEST GIFT to the world....not a baby you might not even end up liking because s/he might turn out to be the opposite of you.
@Xanadu92
3 ай бұрын
I'm 32 & my friends all warn me i'm in the "danger zone" for having kids. That after 35 my chances of getting pregnant naturally plummet. Gee, thx. I'm the only one in my friends group who's single & childless & constantly get told i'm gonna grow old & die alone if I dont hurry up & "land a husband & have babies" this video makes me feel so much better. Thank you Shallon ❤
@jessicajennifer9827
3 ай бұрын
There's absolutely No Guarantee by the way that habing children are a sure fire way to know ones not going to die alone. Ask any nursing home worker. They are FILLED with elders that their own kids put them there
@joannawinters6592
3 ай бұрын
They are such egocentric dim wits. so they made other humans to live in this world because they want a carer?
@Xanadu92
3 ай бұрын
@@jessicajennifer9827 I used to work as a CNA in a nursing home & that's all too true, I'm afraid. Shallon even spoke about that.
@Xanadu92
3 ай бұрын
@lalalallalalaala Some of them I've been friends with since grade school. Not gonna drop them all cause they want to see me get married & have kids. I know they have my best interest at heart, I just need to be more assertive with them to let up & that it will happen when it happens, or it won't, although I really do want to get married & have kids someday, but I also don't think my life would be ruined if I don't. I'm already an amazing Aunt to lots of nieces & nephews ❤️ I'm the youngest of 4 & all my siblings have kids. Thankfully my family doesn't harp on me to get married & have kids. But my gyno did tell me I need to "get on the bandwagon sooner rather than later while my eggs are still fresh" she warned me that the rates of birth defects grow substantially after 35.
@lindybright1938
12 күн бұрын
Thank you for the encouragement, Shallon! I'm all too familiar with everything you shared and are going through. I'm actually beyond the age of having children, I'm in my late 40's and already into menopause, which I'm actually excited about, lol! About a month ago, I had a very sad conversation with my mom...she said to me that she feels like a failure because she didn't push me or pressure me to have children. I'm now feeling really guilty and confused, which I've never felt about the whole kid thing. I'm feeling pressure to adopt, which I truly don't want to do. I probably won't end up going through with it, but I hate all of this uncertainty and doubt. Anyway, thank you so much for the encouragement and for understanding!!
@GLOWAj48
3 ай бұрын
Coming from a family of 9 siblings, growing up always felt like it was mandatory to have kids. I never thought it was an option to not want kids. I have been with the love of my life for 7 years ( he comes from a small family, with only 1 brother). Before we had our daughter we talked about if we really wanted kids. She’s 4 months old and we love her so much.
@hoodedeyelove7838
3 ай бұрын
I don’t want kids because of the possibility of them being crazy or a grifter or a serial killer. It’s literally like rolling dice. I know that mostly depends on how you raise them but some people are just hard wired that way no matter how well they were brought up.
@bluecollarlit
3 ай бұрын
It doesn't "mostly depend on how you raise them." They will do what they do. I have observed this from reality and experience.
@BarbSchryver
3 ай бұрын
So true! It’s called “nature versus nurture.” I used to think how kids turned out was based on nurture. After having two girls who are polar opposite, I realize how much nature impacts ppl. They pretty much are shaped at birth.
@Jess-kn8vl
3 ай бұрын
This sounds more like anxiety
@annapajak5116
3 ай бұрын
I'm 45 and I do not have children but I do empowerment workshops with women and I nurture and watch them grow.
@shallonlester
3 ай бұрын
Yes!! This is wonderful and goes to show you can mother in all different waya
@annapajak5116
3 ай бұрын
@@shallonlester thank you my dearest .. agreed.. no chicken tendies here.. 😖I'm happier and satisfied nurturing and loving this way than with a child. .
@vtotheg562
3 ай бұрын
I'm 38 and I've been with my 45 year old husband for 14 years. We are happily child free. We never wanted them. We did get a lot of crap from people in the beginning, but eventually they backed off. We both have demanding careers and enjoy our lives outside of work doing what we love. We always knew it didn't involve kids. As for me, I've known since I was a teen that I didn't want kids. People would often say I'd change my mind, but no. If there was one thing I was ever certain of it's that I never wanted kids.
@firefliflihi5719
3 ай бұрын
GOD always has us!!
@jamiegoesplaces
3 ай бұрын
100% agree with this. Up until I was in my late 30s, I was adamant not to have kids. Always felt awkward when people would ask me why. I was looking into freezing my eggs, just in case I changed my mind. Then I met my now-husband. And it was my choice to have a baby with him. I was 39 when I gave birth to my amazing son and couldn’t be happier. I don’t understand why society would put that kind of pressure on ladies. It’s a personal choice. That’s the operative word - choice. Your fulfillment is not contingent on having or not having kids.
@paulina_98537
3 ай бұрын
If we were acting like a parent as a child, we want to flip the script and somehow make up adulthood and unfreeze our inner child and the energy we stored in young years. That would be impossible to do while being a parent, cause our biological child would compete with our inner child cravings. Thank you Shallon
@Juliaa__T
3 ай бұрын
It’s not that I don’t necessarily want kids, I want to find someone who makes me want to be a mother, if that makes sense. I don’t want to have one just to have one. And if I don’t find that person, so be it
@swirlyful
3 ай бұрын
I never comment about clothes but you are like SHINING in that top - absolutely otherworldly girl!!
@user-ne6uj7oz6b
3 ай бұрын
I never wanted children, I ended up having one son who's 19 now and going to college and I couldn't be more proud but motherhood didn't come to me naturally... There was no instinct other than if I'm hungry he probably is too 🤷🏻♀️ not all women have that and I still wouldn't consider myself motherly.. I would do anything for my son but it's so so so much easier to connect with him now on an adult level than it ever was when he was a child. I just did my best and hoped for the best... Don't let anyone pressure you into motherhood it isn't for everyone and that's okay.. go excel at the things that do interest you and make a difference!
@tracinicole713
3 ай бұрын
Tell people to mind their own business, your body your choice
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