This is an impromptu that I dubbed "Hands" - it's sort of a check-in for me (as all creative things are) to just jam a little and test the waters. I'm about 5 months out from my acoustic neuroma surgery and am feeling much, much BETTER! My facial nerve has been slowly (but surely) healing (just as the docs said it would). But there was a time (and it seemed like a long time) where I could not even play my tuning note, let alone a moderate solo! After my surgery I dreamed about my FLUGELHORN. If only I could play ONE NOTE. I CRIED a little now and then (but hey, I cry now and then REGARDLESS!) But it hurt in a way I can hardly explain... to lose something I truly LOVED. I felt an odd mix of shame, guilt, and confusion. I played music on a RECORDER for a couple months just to feel a VIBE and move AIR. Perhaps most difficult was that my ability to musically express myself on an instrument that I've been playing since age 11 was stymied. I KNEW it would be temporary (or HOPED), but there were WEEKS/MONTHS where it wasn't really certain. At times I PLATEAUED. I turned to HEALERS. I did the PT, did the TENS units, did ACUPUNCTURE, kept active (SWIMMING/WALKING/RESISTANCE), and made lots of funny faces in the mirror for HOURS and HOURS. I shed on the TROMBONE (which I don't really play but am getting better on that confounded slide thing), bought myself a FLUTE.
And here I am... playing over some spontaneous chords, creating something... I'm never entirely satisfied with these things - just trying to play much like I might perform on stage with live players, over a groove. Trying to tap into a MOMENT. But that requires some CHOPS and an EMBROCHURE that will respond to CREATIVE INSPIRATIONS. I'm very happy with my progress and grateful for the medical teams that helped remove the 3.2cm (benign) tumor. Maybe there are other horn players out there faced with what I went (and am still going) through (THERE ARE). I have much to share about my experience, but suffice to say these points: 1) Seek out a great team/doctors who have done HUNDREDS of Acoustic Neuroma surgeries; 2) make a PLAN with your medical team and prioritize what's important (for me it was to remove the tumor but preserve my FACIAL NERVE, try to save my hearing in that ear if possible - in my case they could NOT, but I can HEAR just fine as I have another EAR working wonderfully!); 3) be PATIENT. Yes, at 6 weeks you might be feeling better (I WAS, sort of) but embrace the reality that HEALING takes TIME. 4) While that HEALING is taking place ENJOY the process (as much as possible) remain HOPEFUL, do the WORK, trust your INSTINCTS, take BREAKS, but DON'T GIVE UP, continue to DREAM, be INSPIRED... and try to have FUN along the way. ;)
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