Rule 4… Parent as one. Your relationships with your children will be different with each child because they are each individuals. This said, your children need the strength of seeing their parents be consistent, loving and respectful to each other and the children so the children can learn from this value. If they see you undermining each other, guess what they will learn.
@cathywhitehead2509
8 ай бұрын
Omg that was something my parents DRILLED into us about bringing up children…way before we found our significant other!!! I remember only 1 time mom said no, and I went and asked dad…NEVER DID THAT AGAIN!!!
@Dudeitzmimi
Жыл бұрын
Good choice of words in the title. "How to win an argument with your wife" not "how to win an argument against your wife".
@TruthAHPrY-A
Жыл бұрын
As a woman, I watched this because i've heard many of your videos and I knew it would be balanced and fair and honorable. Thank you, this is such a breath of fresh air! It's refreshing to hear a man who is honoring To his wife and Understands the value of arguing fairly, lovingly, Truthfully, and using good sense. You are right, she does not want to be Patronized or ignored. Respect and love, Listening and consideration are necessary on both sides.
@cindyrobertson3798
11 ай бұрын
I have a husband who yells slams doors and leaves! He has no logical argument skills. Later he will say" ok imalways the jerk ok??". Or something colorful. I don't vote the way he [requests] because he listens to CNN ABC and NBC. It's just garbage. I want to fight for my marriage . And I keep my vows!!
@TruthAHPrY-A
11 ай бұрын
I understand and have been there. If you are interested, Leslie Vernick has some good videos on how to live well in that kind of environment.
@The_Flying_Yeti
11 ай бұрын
I know it sounds strange, But the majority of men think this way. All we want to do, is respect you, Love you, cherish you and grow together. At least that's what my relationship is built on.
@marthaadams8326
Жыл бұрын
My late husband after our first 'discussion' decided to do what he truly believed. He was a Godly man. He had a prayer room at the church. He was an organist and choirmaster. and this was the brides changing room. Every morning, he prayed before starting the day. When we had an difference of opinion on something - which was not usual. Instead of fighting - and neither of us liked that kind of vibration in our home. He did not come back to me until God answered the prayer. It was amazing because neither of us was ever wrong or right and the solution always was good for both of us. I don't know how that worked, but God Does. I miss him terribly. He died helping others after a hurricane. I wish for myself and all other male and female that there were more husbands like this.
@bumblebee8158
Жыл бұрын
Praying for you.
@marthaadams8326
Жыл бұрын
blessings @@bumblebee8158
@LordDarkwater
11 ай бұрын
A little distance and time can help alot. Beeing around one another can be hard as times. Both parties sometimes need to calm down to remember whats actually important.
@marthaadams8326
11 ай бұрын
actually, we were never not calm. We both were very centered with God. That does not mean that you might have differences of opinion @@LordDarkwater
@keylanoslokj1806
11 ай бұрын
@@bumblebee8158Why not pray for the husband 😂
@dungeondeezdragons4242
Жыл бұрын
This is something that should be looped into a 4 hour video, and then listened to by every human older than 14, at least weekly.
@TotalMusicJunkie
Жыл бұрын
I am a single guy and this makes far more sense to me than what many of my friends keep saying "You Have to Choose Your Battles and let her have all the other disagreements" (Placating her) then saying "Happy Wife Happy Life". When I get married I am not out to Win Fights, I want to reconcile our differences exactly how you have described here. It has never been agreeable with me that I would just let my wife (Hopefully future one) think she is right about almost everything as that is not healthy to do with anyone. Thanks Nick!
@smokingcrab2290
11 ай бұрын
"happy wife, happy life" is a lie. The saying should be "happy spouse, happy house" because it implies that the two of you make each other happy
@GabrielleTollerson
11 ай бұрын
exactly!!
@GabrielleTollerson
11 ай бұрын
@@smokingcrab2290Well said!!
@TotalMusicJunkie
11 ай бұрын
Why does it show there are 3 replies to this comment of mine, but I can't see the 3rd one? 🤔
@janetbaker7848
Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for pointing out that it makes women feel betrayed when the person that's supposed to be protecting them attacks them! Just to win an argument.
@JoseDiaz-rd9fh
2 ай бұрын
Every argument is an essence a battle. How you handle it determines whether you grow closer or slowly drift apart. I was very immature when I was younger. Neither me nor my current wife understood the concept of arguing respectfully. Unfortunately too much damage has been done from both sides to ever reconcile. Thankful to be able to reflect on it and improve
@69BTony
Жыл бұрын
I have been married for 34 years. The best secret is laughing at yourself, and as you said, knowing you are on the same team. Laugh, have fun with her, and make inside jokes. Let her know that she is the most important person, and that you are in this fight together. Listen to what she says, be attentive, or somebody else will. Talk about shared goals and work towards them together, it will bring you closer. Words can't be taken back, hold your tongue, but demand the same. Lastly, praise in public, criticize in private, never argue in public, everyone loses respect.
@TheLegendaryLore
Жыл бұрын
This was spot on. For a marriage to work, it takes two emotionally mature people who see each other as allies.
@decwow
Жыл бұрын
allies is a godawful descriptor for a marriage
@maryforbes4277
Жыл бұрын
@@decwow I think it means that they keep in mind that they're on the same side, one flesh, reaching for the same ultimate goals as a couple, etc. I can't speak for anyone else but I think that would be better than being married to someone who has the "someone has to win/someone has to lose" mentality that drives them to win every argument at all costs.
@mariposa9506
Жыл бұрын
@@decwowI think it's a great one, as long as it's not the only one.
@decwow
Жыл бұрын
@@maryforbes4277 inherently, an alliance is temporary. It means you are not part of the same union, but working together for a time. If you like the term, then go for it, but I don't.
@maryforbes4277
Жыл бұрын
@@decwow okay
@cataphracts123
Жыл бұрын
Amen ++ I can confirm all of this to be true after a decade of marriage. Every marriage has arguments, and the key to a healthy marriage is to respect your spouse's opinions and to try to understand where she is coming from even if you can't possible understand it from your own perspective. It doesn't mean to acquiesce at all times, but you have to put the effort in to learning the hows and whys of how she thinks. If you marry someone of your same faith and ideology, this process becomes way easier. God knew what he was talking about when he said in scripture not to unevenly yoke yourself in marriage.
@jeanne89
Жыл бұрын
Amen!!!
@Heightren
11 ай бұрын
Amén += 1
@TotalMusicJunkie
11 ай бұрын
Amen!
@thetinypineyfarm6145
10 ай бұрын
So true! Faith is half the battle!!!
@bobmiglarese6865
Жыл бұрын
Nick- good common sense advice. To me and my wife, it all comes back to Scriptural teaching about how husbands are to treat their wives and vice versa. It wasn't until I really understood what it means to cherish my wife that our arguments basically almost ceased, and when we do have them they are productive instead of vindictive. Cherishing your spouse means going out of your way to notice them, appreciate them, honor them, encourage them, and hold them close to your heart -to love them as Christ loves His church, which is sacrificially.
@ritaroach3491
10 ай бұрын
"A man never hates his own body but feeds and cherishes it" is so true. The Bible gives all the advice we need. Why wouldn't it since its writer created marriage when he joined Adam and Eve together.
@alaalfa8839
9 ай бұрын
Dr. Joe Dispenza." In loving community of people, nobody is a leader, everybody is leading." "It's like the group of birds flying in the same direction, affected by the same energy, or consciousness." The birds don't need a leader, the group of fish dont need a leader, yet they follow the same energy and go to the same direction at the same time" It's physics, or metaphysics, vibration, frequency, and energy. If people are too obsessed with who is leading then it seems we rarely get chance to lead anything because the thought about who is leading is a misconception, everybody is leading as a group. The leader only give a tone but the group knows what to do.
@brianadixon8995
Жыл бұрын
Best advice I heard from a couple who married at 16 and stayed that way till their 90s (death do them part) was that in a fight its not you vs your partner is both of you vs the problem. They also said its ok to say I'm too angry to talk right now and walk away for a few hours. Also said its ok to tell your partner you hear them but then don't say anything else. For the moments you need to process what they just said.
@GrammaNay
Жыл бұрын
Amen! One other thing that I have learned in 35 years of marriage... Never say: "You always" or "You never" because it's just not true. I'm not saying that some partners tend to lean towards one action (or inaction), but it will also make them defensive, which is not the way to win an argument. Ultimately, it's not about winning, really. It's about coming to a mutual agreement that both of you can live with. Also, agree from the start that divorce is not an option. Get counseling if you need to. I'm not saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship because, no... just no! What I'm saying is that if you say divorce often enough, you will end up divorced.
@nana_wwg1wga
Жыл бұрын
EXCELLENT ❤ My husband and I call those “3 rules”…“open communication “ as for we have been married since the discovery of dirt…😂 So happy someone has found another way to get the point across…God Bless and Gods Speed 🙏🥰
@franbelanovic979
Жыл бұрын
I am sorry if I disturb. But since you're a woman i presume. Because I'm a man, I can't always pinpoint my wife's emotions during an argument because the same emotions don't have the same root cause in men and women. Can you please tell me, or at least try to explain, is it healthy or hopefully solvable a situation where I apply all these rules from the video (and repeat them and try to explain to my wife), but my wife always tends to point to my past mistakes and won't listen to reason at all and tries to make me recognise exactly her side? Is there hope for reconciliation or is she wrong and bent on just winning the argument too much. Sorry for the long reply.
@nana_wwg1wga
Жыл бұрын
@@franbelanovic979 She also has to be able to have open communication…this is not a one sided set of rules…Good luck and God Bless…🥰🙏
@Majesticwalker77
11 ай бұрын
This is 1,000 percent accurate. Once my wife and I FINALLY figured this out, she was more able to come to me and talk about anything.
@randecolley7054
11 ай бұрын
What a man!! There's too few of this kind of guy. I'm over 70 years old, never found a man like this guy. Choosing to be alone than to settle for less in a relationship I do not regret my choice in life. This guy is a REAL MAN.
@lawrencedobesh776
11 ай бұрын
Sorry my friend You don’t live in the real world!
@brunoqnzbk7891
6 ай бұрын
@@lawrencedobesh776You just made her point 😂
@rebecca120xmany
Жыл бұрын
I love it when you post pieces on marriage and family relationships. Like you and Tina, my husband and I married on the younger side - not quite as young as you guys; he was 22 and I was 21 & 3/4 - and while I can’t say we exercised the same maturity you two have shown, I can definitely relate to the heart of what you exemplify. We were equally yoked in faith, and even when we were really mad at each other there was never a doubt that we loved each other and quitting was not an option. He passed away just over two years ago and every time I listen to you or Tina discuss your marriage it brings up both fond memories and a deep wish that we could still be walking that road together. I believe that the oneness is still there, but I miss the physical presence.
@michelefromflorida7852
Жыл бұрын
Excellent way to handle sensitive things. I could remember these things better when me & my hubby fight. Thank you
@rockytoptom
Жыл бұрын
When you love each other, nobody win in an argument. Avoiding or defusing the argument is winning. Communication is always key.
@rockytoptom
11 ай бұрын
@@fredthe47th That's not true. You can always talk. You don't have to argue. Idiot.
@ProductBasement
Жыл бұрын
This reminds me of the negotiating book _Never Split the Difference_ by Chris Voos (highly recommended!). He summed up everything perfectly by basically saying, "You dont want to hear ' _you're_ right'; you want to hear ' _that's_ right'". "You're right" means "I give up" and doesn't indicate a change of heart. "That's right" means you've convinced them to join your side
@mchristr
Жыл бұрын
"You're right" doesn't translate into "I give up." It simply acknowledges that the other person had a more accurate view of the issue. And if you're talking with someone who, while growing up, was always told they were wrong, you can help in the repair of their soul. And it will further grow you in humility, a priceless quality.
@ruthk.maurat7198
Жыл бұрын
Emotional intelligence and maturity play a major role in this to work, alongside having the same faith. Thanks for the tips, Nick!
@KalonOrdona2
Жыл бұрын
Emotional intelligence is a nonsensical term. Intelligence is intelligence. Emotional fluency makes sense. Trying to come up with more "intelligences" is just clout-fishing.
@cherylwade264
Жыл бұрын
@@KalonOrdona2 Not comparing adults to children but if you choose to watch the video SELF REGULATION FOR TODDLERS you might understand what most people mean about Emotional Intelligence.
@bearg-ma9168
Жыл бұрын
Great points. Been married 42 years. It starts with a foundation. You put each other first and do what's best for the team aka you, spouse & kids. Ground rules are sacred to a long term marriage. Using those rules you've laid out are spot on for longevity .
@garrettwill5846
Жыл бұрын
One piece of marriage advice that we got just before we were married that helps to determine if an argument is even worth having is to fight naked. If you can't keep arguing, it may not be as big of an issue for one or both of you as you thought.
@fabricesaldana1501
Жыл бұрын
This is so beautiful and true, I want to cry. ❤ My husband and I are so different. We come from such different worlds that it makes me wonder how we fell in love in the first place. The beginning of our marriage was HARD. If we hadn’t implemented those rules in our daily lives, in every interaction, we’d have no chance of making it. 8 1/2 years later we’re stronger than ever before due to constant intentional hard work. Worth every second ❤️
@franbelanovic979
Жыл бұрын
I am sorry if I disturb. But since you're a woman i presume. Because I'm a man, I can't always pinpoint my wife's emotions during an argument because the same emotions don't have the same root cause in men and women. Can you please tell me, or at least try to explain, is it healthy or hopefully solvable a situation where I apply all these rules from the video (and repeat them and try to explain to my wife), but my wife always tends to point to my past mistakes and won't listen to reason at all and tries to make me recognise exactly her side? Is there hope for reconciliation or is she wrong and bent on just winning the argument too much. Sorry for the long reply.
@richardbencosme4252
Жыл бұрын
My wife and I talk about rules and commitments before we got married, and the understanding of how we feel about it is the glue that has kept us together.
@kevinhowe543
Жыл бұрын
As a recent widower it is so painful watching this video and seeing that, while many times we didnt follow these rules, we always at least ended our arguments using these rules without realizing it. I'll never get to know how strong we would have been.
@ashleymiles3373
5 ай бұрын
I'm amazed that someone who actually has his head screwed on straight is in politics. Keep fighting the good fight and thank you!
@janisrozario
Жыл бұрын
Wow! This should be played in marriage counselling and at pre-maritals!
@SMart7751
Жыл бұрын
The most important piece of marriage advice I’ve ever heard. One more thing for those heading into, establish this between you BEFORE Marriage!
@johncline7518
Жыл бұрын
Amen, brother. My wife and I play by nearly identical rules. 24 years and counting, and it’s even better now than when we first started.
@williambutler2177
10 ай бұрын
I both love and hate this advice. Love it because it's so simple and obviously true, hate it because somehow I feel like I've met almost no one who would agree with it. Thank you for the great advice Nick, even if I'll never have the opportunity to use it, it's nice finding evidence that there are sane rational people somewhere in this country if not my home town.
@BarbaraBialk-i4z
4 ай бұрын
That was perfect Nick I appreciate you stating this publicly. And I know the basis for that leadership. Thank you
@OliveKnoll
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for posting this. It makes so much sense from the woman's side as well. Even though I am not married or dating I can already see things that I must improve upon. Great video, great sound, excellent quality video. Thank you again and cheers!
@camwilliams1
Жыл бұрын
The Best! Watching your children naturally implement what they have learned at home will be glorious as well as the impact all they do in and for the world. Great advice
@meljordan220
Жыл бұрын
This is awesome. Thank you so much. I am a woman I have been married almost 40 years. This I wish we had in the beginning of our marriage however there is always room to make things better.
@calshrock3531
7 ай бұрын
We've been married for over 50 years. After a recent altercation I said, "Why do I always have to do what YOU say?" She replied, "That's how I feel sometimes." We shated the humor. Years ago, after my tirade of accusings, she, quite against her nature, came back with an accusation of her own. I realized that she was right. But how was I going to agree with her without backing down or losing face? The answer came. I said, "I don't like this." And she melted, "I don't either." And all was healed. But I realized that I needed to be nicer to her, to stop bulldozong her over. Thank you for yoir insights. We watched it together.
@mikaelkokkonen1618
Жыл бұрын
Love this :) Seems to me that these rules would be handy in the workspace too. Oh, and an anecdote from a swedish athlete back in the day when a journalist asked: "Wasnt that a bit lucky?". Whereby he replied: "Well, the more I practice, the more luck I seem to have" :) Greetings from Sweden!
@dungeondeezdragons4242
Жыл бұрын
After about 10 repeats i get it now, this is very similar to what Jordan Peterson says, but in straightforward/everyday terms.
@jimbearone
Жыл бұрын
Reason, Logic and Facts = Communication, Understanding and Agreement. Emotion, Blame and Deception = Loss of Trust, Respect and Peace. Love seeks to Heal and Protect.
@Wings_nut
Жыл бұрын
Sage words, Nick.
@OliveCandy38
Жыл бұрын
This is so good. Anytime my husband and I are in a wonderful season, we are following this advice. Good stuff!!!
@torylynne
5 ай бұрын
I love these rules!! I grew up in an angry home and married an abusive man, who I took way too long to divorce. I've been looking for safe and good rules to bring into my current relationship, bc we both have history, and we both want this relationship to be our forever. Thank you for helping both of us!!
@Paradise-on-Earth
3 ай бұрын
ABSLUTELY! So very very well put!! (I say this happily married since 40 years!)
@vickieemerson6219
Жыл бұрын
Nick thank you for all that you put out on KZitem. Your wisdom is so accurate!! Many blessings
@tracymillican2548
6 ай бұрын
Beautifully said, I wish I had heard this a few years ago. I was in a relationship where every thing I had done wrong was thrown in my face. I learned to build walls and walk away. Trust is very important to me. I did learn boundaries are very important to have.
@chrisc8497
Жыл бұрын
Yup took me a long time to realize that the point of an argument is not to WIN. This video should be required viewing by every couple contemplating marriage.
@jamesjacquier9567
9 ай бұрын
This is refreshing... Not just the content of this particular set of rules but the foundations upon which they build. A truly strong man will provide for and protect a truly strong woman who will cherish and nurture the man in a virtuous cycle.
@platyadmirer
Жыл бұрын
Can agree, happily married and these rules rock! I've also noticed similar things about grumpy youtube comments. Typically they're grumpy because the choose to live their life using life's tools unwisely, and then lash out saying the tools are the problem. Don't blame the tools, learn how to use them well. Kinda like guns ❤
@ladydi4537
Жыл бұрын
Nicely put 👏👏
@isabellaanderson9241
4 ай бұрын
This is the best advice I have ever heard for spousal discussions. I was a payroll officer for 1200 employees. 800 of them were on a monthly payroll and 400 on a biweekly payroll. I like policy and rules, planning, deadlines, facts, budgets, and reconciling the payroll within in .05 cents of a million dollar monthly and $850,000.00 biweekly payroll inclusive of shift and premium pay. Yes, I am a control freak... you don't mess with people's paychecks who work hard to earn them... this carries over to home. My husband operates on luck... empiracal data only applies at work... He is a ASE Master Technician. There's that.
@johantrenier1685
Жыл бұрын
Some battles are worth fighting. So fight. Others are less worth it. I was a duck hunter during my early years of marriage. A veteran duck hunter and long time married gentleman said, once in awhile instead of heading out to the blind at 3 AM on Saturday stay home in a warm bed when your wife asks. It’s a win all the way around. 😊We are married 36 years. I applied this the other day, different version. Took her shopping and breakfast. Arguing declines if you can be selfless periodically.
@merriehogle
Жыл бұрын
You are a blessing to us all. As another gal mentioned you are the respected male voice of common sense and grace. Bless you and yours today and forever. 🤟🏼🤪🎶❤️
@gerardodiaz146
5 ай бұрын
Man I’ve been saying this for years! I’m 32 and i learned the hard to try to make this saying work.
@oMnMnMo
7 ай бұрын
My husband is a year younger than you. We've been married 25 years and have two great kids. He was medically retired from the Army at 17 years and we've been blessed that I could be a stay at home mom and homeschooled both kids who are now starting great careers. Life's not been easy but we've fought as a couple even when everyone told us we were stupid and way too young to be married. He was 18 and I was 17 when we got married. We literally drove to the Las Vegas courthouse, got married and drove back to SoCal so he could fly to his first duty station. Life's not easy but we're stronger than ever. Blessings to your family. 🙏❤️
@steves6320
10 ай бұрын
Mr. Freitas - I discovered you via your “shorts” videos. I’ve subscribed and am now almost addicted to your videos (of all lengths). My wife and I find you interesting, intelligent, humorous and SPOT ON! What you say is generally common sense to these sexagenarians, but we know many people need your wisdom and advice to find success as spouses, parents and citizens. But I’ll end with a huge thank you for your service and your positions on all the important issues confronting us. And NEVER FORGET!
@scottfortune9016
Жыл бұрын
Amen brother!! I'm with you.
@mojitogonzalez
9 ай бұрын
GREAT ADVICE!! Make the disagreement a WIN-WIN for both of you!
@susiessoapstuff1459
Жыл бұрын
Rule #3-"We're both on the same team. It is us against the world." That is our rule #1. Then we apply rule #2 and ultimately then #1 is assured.
@justinkpryde
Жыл бұрын
Quote from Red dead redemption: “All I know is that there are only 2 ways to argue with a woman, and neither one of them work.” ~J.M.
@evage99
Жыл бұрын
Ah, so that's where that quote is from...I see it in Warcraft when I dismount my yak.
@darthhampster2045
Ай бұрын
We live by “Happy Spouse, Happy house.” It’s a team effort in all things. Even if the contribution on any one thing is different. We both bring strengths to the table, it’s important to recognize those strengths and allow that person to lead without ego.
@backdoor5993
9 ай бұрын
I have been married for 27 years, your advise is pure wisdom. While we did not set out intentionally with these kinds of rules, we did agree that we would follow the Word together, which works out to the same thing.
@joannaholden943
Жыл бұрын
The second I saw the title of gis video, I was like, "...Actually no, he's usually right." Not because he won't listen but because he is very knowledgeable and logical and usually knows what he's talking about. 😂 In reality, we both win our fair share of arguments and many are compromises/agree to disagree. This just always makes me laugh. On a more serious note, this video is VERY good. Much needed!
@emilywest1116
10 ай бұрын
I’ve heard this said again and again: it’s not you vs your spouse. It’s you and your spouse vs the problem. You have the soundest advice!!
@LegoGirl1990
Жыл бұрын
Yell at her, make her afraid of you, yell at her some more, ignore her, leave her crying and broken... eventually she'll give up. :( 💔 But really, fight the *problem*, not each other.
@TheMacs1
Жыл бұрын
Heard you on homesteading items and Shawn Ryan. Really impressed with you. I think your an amazing role models. Keep rocking
@GR8NE55
10 ай бұрын
I watched this and absolutely loved it! My wife and I have really been doing these things without even thinking about it. We respect and love one another so much and never let any argument get out of hand. We argue because we care, and we want to solve our differences and get on the same page. I'm so grateful to have my wife and to know that we are not unique in our ways.
@michaeltorluemke3322
11 ай бұрын
One thing I have learned is that if at some point I am getting so emotional that I want to hurt someone either physically or emotionally I have to walk away. I chose to walk away because I know that what I would say or do will not be helpful, will not settle the argument but is aimed at hurting someone. I need some time to calm down so I can think and react rationally and not with anger. It was a hard lesson to learn but has saved everyone from a lot of harm.
@mikeaninger7388
9 ай бұрын
I feel like this needs to be unpacked even further. Love your concepts, brother.
@alanlilly8456
11 ай бұрын
I whole heartedly agree. My wife and I didn't set rules for arguing, but with every argument we've honored those guidelines and as a result of that, we've never gone to bed angry.
@ahorseman4ever1
9 ай бұрын
Great advice! My future wife and I sat and listened to this together and we both loved it. Thank you! No luck used here!
@palletcabin-YR_Author
Жыл бұрын
Good stuff, for both parties in the marriage.
@lindseyschuster8895
6 ай бұрын
My husband always discounts anyone talking about relationships from social media or reality TV because "no one worth listening to wants fame." So, thank you for being a force of practicality that my husband actually regards.
@mrsp2115
Жыл бұрын
My late husband and I agreed that the person whose opinion in an argument turned out to be the least defensible would say "You were right, I was wrong, AGAIN." It made us laugh and the argument was over.
@thetinypineyfarm6145
10 ай бұрын
Perfect explanation, we are both veterans at marriage- however they were not healthy. Now we are learning new 'tools' to make rules about our disagreements and personal trigger moments. I can't wait to show my husband this series. God bless your assistanting so many 😊
@melanielucas9219
Жыл бұрын
U always have excellent advice....wish I had of known it whn younger, but thank u for educating the younger generation.
@sarahdrousseau
9 ай бұрын
Wow, thank you. Those 3 rules create such a huge sense of safety for you both. The safety creates the freedom to tell the truth with honesty and integrity. It also creates space for vulnerability, which when you’re there, it allows for the sweetest life changing moments of emotional growth and healing. There’s literally nothing better than that.
@marlinfisher2529
10 ай бұрын
I really like your honest and authentic approach. It's genuine and inclusive. Well done. But as they say, happy wife happy life.
@daniellucas2968
10 ай бұрын
Great advice, right on target. My wife and I laid down similar ground rules when we were dating, and it has served us very well. I'd also recommend people take into account your own personalities and how you process ideas when you're arguing. I tend to think through my issues, and my wife tends to talk through her issues, so we agreed that I'd let her talk, then she'd let me think, and we usually come to an agreement pretty quickly.
@zephsmith3499
5 ай бұрын
Great advice and close to our own agreements. I do want to note that we interpret "Happy wife, happy life" differently, taking it more to mean that if your spouse is fulfilled and satisfied as a result of their overall interactions with you, they will be more able to help you feel that way as well. Or put another way, the path to a happy marriage starts with trying to make it work well for both partners, not just trying to optimize for oneself. This is very compatible with what you have said, and doesn't imply 'placating' anybody. It would well be that most people use that phrase in more the way you are debunking, I'm just sharing that there is more than one way to interpret it.
@danielweissenborn3508
Жыл бұрын
This is literally solid gold.
@3coins.
11 ай бұрын
My husband and I had some disagreements but I don’t remember any fights. Remember a marriage is a union of two good forgivers.
@adrockey
11 ай бұрын
I just started watching your channel yesterday and this message couldn't have come at a better time.
@marshallholland4253
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for having the strength to put positivity and guidance out into the world.
@wompol7117
11 ай бұрын
so true. gaslighting and passive aggressive behavior kills love- sure did for me.
@leonabarkell1809
9 ай бұрын
Great advice! I have been married almost 50 years and appreciate this!
@sharonvincent1772
9 ай бұрын
There is only one more rule I would add (after a personal experience) My husband and I were disagreeing about how to handle a problem and it was getting frustrating for the both of us because we just couldn't seem to make each other understand the logic of our position. Suddenly, my husband made a statement that made me question his sanity because the statement made no sense when applied to the topic I thought we were speaking about. I said "Wait a minute, are you talking about blah, blah?" Well, we discovered we were talking about two different things. The best part was when we finally got our subjects right, we were in total agreement about both of them. So, rule 4 - Make sure you're both talking about the same subject.
@keithdurose7057
8 ай бұрын
When I was married, I stayed quiet while my wife made her point(s). She argued in circles just to be right. So I just waited. She asked me why I didn't argue back. I simply said that I was waiting for her to argue my point so that I could agree with her. That didn't go down well at first. After she got cooled down and thought about it for a while. She saw the funny side, too. Eventually, she found someone else. Then someone else that married her. We are still in contact. Here's a thing. When is a stick, not a stick? When it's a boomerang! Lol
@jedics1
10 ай бұрын
Some sensible ideas on youtube in 2023 is indeed some rare content, the most important thing I ever learnt from my father was not to bother arguing with him, if he couldnt win it with logic then he would win it with who had the biggest emotion "usually anger" and start undermining you character with what ever he could dig up from the past to win the present. Getting this type of person out of your life is my advice. Keeping a little kindness in the back of your mind in an argument goes a long way and means you will never regret something you said later.
@joshmustful5193
11 ай бұрын
The key to this is to have ground rules and stick to them, discipline. Jody entered my household even though I had these rules set.
@thetinypineyfarm6145
10 ай бұрын
It takes tw I committed, loving people that see thier own flaws, admit thier own mistakes and own the actions that hurt others...it is a labor of love and dedication. ❤
@CheerfulCheetah
Жыл бұрын
This is really good advice to think about. My married friends always tell me a huge killer of relationships is a lack of respect towards your partner. When you're in your feelings during an argument, it can an be really hard to measure your tone and hold back the snark which if not done can prolong or worsen the original conflict.
@evelynart
11 ай бұрын
This is soooo true! And placating is what you do with someone you think is stupid or irrational & not worth your time, arguing well is what you do with someone you love and respect. Placating is pride hiding in ‘surrender’
@MrJones-bg4sz
11 ай бұрын
Well said. Great conversation with John Lovell
@krystalk2487
Жыл бұрын
As simple and obvious as it may sound - This is life changing advice . Thank you for this
@granitegreg7883
11 ай бұрын
I only just recently came across your videos and I just want to say I’m a huge fan. The advice you give is sound and topics you cover and the way you cover them makes so much. You truly are an inspiration to me. I just want to thank you and I’m glad I came across your channel. Keep up the great work Nick, the world needs more men like you.
@Tallinu
10 ай бұрын
You are the man so many of us should be and so few of us are. I appreciate the opportunity to learn from you!
@DragonFruitXVI
Жыл бұрын
No shouting. It shows a mindset of instability. It can cause unneeded stress on you both and children. Calmly talk about the subject. Have a sit down as to rational adults. You don't need to be doing anything else. Also, if you have kids and the topic might get heated. Do it in private. Kids seeing parents fight is one of the worst things for them mentally.
@louisurbancic2206
10 ай бұрын
I would add either a footnote or something that is also true. There will be years of growing pains if you add them after you've already been married because if you didn't you're heading towards divorce. You're not going to figure it out overnight, but it does get easier over time, particularly when you both let go of forgive, let go of grudges, and agree to start anew. All marriages go through seasons and both people naturally change over long periods of time. But after 13 years with my wife, when we have disagreements, they never last beyond the day in which we disagreed (provided it's not rooted in longer term trauma, i.e. death of a family member, long term sickness, etc.). The side effect most people lose sight of, is when you've argued fairly for long enough, you wake up one day and believe without a shadow of a doubt that she has your best interest at heart and vice versa, so you look at arguments like a marital workout. Your marriage will be stronger at the end of it, but first you gotta put in the work.
@FullMoonHowl
8 ай бұрын
Brilliantly balanced advice. And can confirm: threatening a woman's sense of safety (which comes in multiple forms) will utterly corrode a relationship.
@oeyvind.7
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for your wise, respectful teaching!👍 Greetings from Norway
@blahblahblah4544
11 ай бұрын
#2 I think compassion matters more than facts, because it causes you to deliver facts in an understanding and loving way.
Пікірлер: 933