The need to wanting to be saved. Because when we were children and traumatized, no body showed up to save us, so we hold on fantasying these people will save us and the little child was abused in us. This is Me.
@sharonb519
2 жыл бұрын
This‼️💯
@NoonyNewborn
2 жыл бұрын
Thank God for Jesus, I am finally saved. Lots of healing still to do, but He already changed my life 💯
@sharonb519
2 жыл бұрын
@@NoonyNewborn Sometimes I think He’s forgotten about me. 😢
@NoonyNewborn
2 жыл бұрын
@@sharonb519 Noo, please don't think that. I know it can be hard to trust what the Word says when you're traumatized, but God knows how hard it is for some of us. What I do is pray a lot, lot, lot. I talk to God or to Jesus almost any time of my day. You can ask Him to help you trust and strengthen your faith. I also struggle with seeing "the path" for my life that He has for me, but I just KNOW and remind myself that ALL things work together for good for those that love God. Even if we can not see or understand. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. Singing and praise helps to lift up the spirit big time 💕🙏🏻
@sharonb519
2 жыл бұрын
@@NoonyNewborn Thank you. 💕🙏🏻
@ms.x1669
2 жыл бұрын
I have this problem of severe Limerence. Crazy enough I can't fall for anyone in real life, only people that I'll never have usually because they live far away. I needed this video so badly and was shaken when you said limerence is a parasite. That is so true. Life literally passes you while you're busy chasing fantasies.
@elvansavkl7972
2 жыл бұрын
I a was the same.
@serenity_in_reverie
2 жыл бұрын
hey! u might wanna take a look at "frayromantic" or "lithromantic". cuz i have them. im glad i read ur comment cuz i did that too. i usually fell for ppl living far away (from the internet), emotionally unavailable, or dudes that had no interest in me yet i made up fantasies in my head. i fell for the "ideas" of them. 🤦🏻♀️ limerence is indeed a terrible parasite!!!
@sudeshna7447
2 жыл бұрын
Me too. For the last 14 years I have fallen for people who live far away. From different states when I was younger to different countries as I grew older. I learned about limerance only last week. But recognized this pattern and fantasies last year. I promised myself that I will never get involved with anyone who is more than a 2 hour car ride away. But it's so difficult to not fall for the tendency to indulge in fantasies. I am trying my best.
@huelaura4691
2 жыл бұрын
Hi, You will overcome that. I have overcome that because of God working that in me. God will help you identify and let go of fantasies. And soon you will want the truth and reality of life. You will find joy in the present and not in fantasies. You are not bad :)
@sudeshna7447
2 жыл бұрын
@@huelaura4691 thank you for being so sweet 😊
@limitedtime5471
2 жыл бұрын
Understanding limerence is key for me. It's so destructive and life draining.
@ebbyc1817
2 жыл бұрын
Limerent with friends too. The number of 'friendships' I've had, that weren't based on the real people or on what they said, but on my 'idea' of them. Constantly idealising people. It almost put me in danger this year. Had to stop. Like " wake up!!! "
@donpeace894
2 жыл бұрын
You just described my life
@MellowJelly
2 жыл бұрын
that totally happens when I meet new friends then slowly I realize they don't value me as much as they fronted they did ! Sometimes meeting friends for the first time I connect really deep and fast and think "omg we are gonna be best friends now" and it's so not like that lmao I slowly fall to the wayside
@khaartoumletstalk9037
2 жыл бұрын
This/these kind of people like her 'friend' are often somatic covert narcissists. The one's I know 'appear' to be pious and religious, but are 'go-ers' and triangulating various supply. I had 'one' came back out of the woodwork. It had been a lot of shillyshallying [possibly more fun in 'promise' than the flesh actually, I think]. But now it is all vague and to meet or not to meet and...Oh...There are too many of these narcs floating about who we can tap into the Love Bombing for a little thrill [en masse]...So I will give it one more little try and then just leave it...They may RSVP when I can't be bothered...but there are loads of these narcs around, can't be with them, but the Love Bomb and predictable narc playbook are fun on the surface at the beginning as long as we don't get too close to the water's edge! ; ) K
@vickievans4669
2 жыл бұрын
To the Crappy Childhood Fairy - Yes, in the words of another person who commented- you described my entire life, too. Thank you for your work and insights.
@roxydee1452
2 жыл бұрын
Hallelujah, sometimes I wondered if it was just me!
@di3486
2 жыл бұрын
If I was her (and this is actually what I did) I would forget about relationships ENTIRELY for a few years and focusing on your FINANCIAL situation. Poverty is a real thing that will destroy you faster than being single. It’s time to grow up, becoming an adult, forget silly fantasies and take charge of your life.
@El_ii
11 ай бұрын
I'm in my mid-20s but this is what I needed to hear... Right now only focusing on my career and forgetting love/relationships for a couple of years.
@tellitlikeitis5028
5 ай бұрын
Yes!
@jodiburnett6211
2 жыл бұрын
My love starved mother was in an abusive relationship with my father. She always had a crush on men at the supermarket, the photo shop, the pet store. When my father abandoned all of us when I was a teen, this “Imaginary Lovers” fantasyland took hold. This taught me to use men as a fantasy to pull me out of a terrible reality. Not bragging, but being an attractive, driven, successful woman with No Self Esteem was a prescription for an exciting rollercoaster. But finding real love and stability have been a challenge. Totally Unavailable yet good looking, flirty men can still get a hook into my emotions, the come here-go away dance still stokes up my “disease” of jumping through imaginary hoops of approval, and enduring the cycle of betrayal ,abandonment , disregulation, and adrenaline based living. But knowledge is power. Inventorying my relationships for my part in my confusion is power. Thank you for your work!!!
@auroraborealis13579
2 жыл бұрын
So true!
@jJust_NO_
2 жыл бұрын
do you get bored of available people? like its no real challenge?
@di3486
2 жыл бұрын
In part I am glad I am not attractive!
@jodiburnett6211
2 жыл бұрын
@@jJust_NO_ when I was unaware of my Adult Child of Alcoholic tendencies towards feeling abandoned and jumping through hoops for breadcrumbs, yes, indeed.
@peach411
2 жыл бұрын
This gets so boring though.
@240iBMW
2 жыл бұрын
Limerence is the ultimate distraction to life
@g.i.3682
2 жыл бұрын
💯
@user-qo3mk1ck7h
2 жыл бұрын
It REALLY is. 👍🏻
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
@Rebecca_W it's brutal! -Cara@TeamFairy
@CobraDove1111
2 жыл бұрын
Pretty sure that's why one does it, to distract taking responsibility for our own life
@MichaelWVagg
2 жыл бұрын
I wish I'd found myself a real partner. Many of us will die with this being a sad truth of our lives. Limerance is all we have in regard having a partner. Our fantasy is all we have. And it persists because we need to be loved and never will be. Limerance is "bad" but it's just not our fault.
@thehealingplace3215
2 жыл бұрын
“You can’t build a real life when your heart is pouring energy into a fantasy of what you wish would happen. A life can only be built on what is happening. “ ❤️ Yes this! I’ve just come to this realisation in therapy recently. I didn’t realise this coping mechanism of mine until recently.
@toscadonna
2 жыл бұрын
I tend to be limerant, but I know and accept that the person doesn’t like me. I don’t try to have relationships with them either. It’s more like a crush from a distance that I know isn’t reciprocated. I don’t turn others down who ask me out just because I’m limerant over someone else. I’m fact, real life interest from another man actually always stops my limerance on someone I already know doesn’t like me back.
@lovenosa1105
2 жыл бұрын
A question this lady need to ask herself is, imagine he brings home a lady he met and has decided to marry, would you feel sad that you wasted your entire time and go into an emotional spiral or would you easily move on, find your own place and remain emotionally healthy?
@complexjanedoe
2 жыл бұрын
I just asked myself this about my ex I keep coming back to and I realized I would be okay. Thank you for this comment.
@di3486
2 жыл бұрын
And poor! That is even more scary!
@spectrumwarrior9560
2 жыл бұрын
right? I hope she is able to get financial freedom to be on her own. It wouldn't be good to stay especially if she helps him with homesteading only for him to marry someone else. all the work for nothing? I hope she is ok in 6 months.
@bitterapple
2 жыл бұрын
Has anyone here struggled with maladaptive daydreaming, obsessing over someone who is already dead, or similar problems? It is sucking life out of me, but I just *don't wanna* stop.
@aperson7210
2 жыл бұрын
I used to maladaptive daydream ALOT over the years but once I realized how badly it was affecting me I started doing it less and less and now i barely do it. Also keeping your mind occupied with stuff that requires you to be present in the moment helps because since you're busy, you don't have the time to be up in your head, so you can enjoy the moment alot more. It is hard but it gets better!
@plantcatlover87
2 жыл бұрын
I understand, I became a maladaptive daydreamer as a child to cope with trauma and in my twenties it spiraled out of control, I felt more real in my daydreams than in real life. I'm almost forty, two years ago I finally started healing cPTSD with the help of a therapist, books, yt chanells... I have actually never mentioned MD in therapy or sought any help specifically for it, I just noticed that the more healed I am, the less I do it. I still daydream but nowhere near the degree I used to.
@peach411
2 жыл бұрын
Me. It took actual relationships to pull me Out of it and a career. I don’t do it anymore it’s so hard to believe something that took up the majority of my time. I was just daydream, listen to music drive smoke…. Now I only drive when I’m Supposed to
@lucyfur9104
2 жыл бұрын
Your limerance videos have helped me to quit wasting my energy on someone who doesn't deserve it. Now I am focusing my energy on the present and I am much happier. 😊❤
@mcloud1070
2 жыл бұрын
I wish you all the best Lucy. One day you will be so glad you gathered your last strenghts to save yourself.
@flowerydaze4246
2 жыл бұрын
I just went through this with a guy I seeked out online. I went completely limerant. He lived about 7 hours from me. The past 3 months I was chasing a fantasy of a man I wanted and not liking the actual man he is. He only wanted me for a friends with benefits. Which did hurt alot. I let someone I have never met destroy my self worth and self esteem. I couldnt let him go. I kept going back to talk to him and getting hurt even worse each time. He recently blocked me on everthing for the third time. Even though he kept blocking me I couldnt take the hint. I was completely swept up in my limerant fantasy of him a complete stranger. It wasnt fair that I put this man in this position. I feel ashamed and I dont ever want to do this again!
@ebbyc1817
2 жыл бұрын
also could treat it as a blessing that he blocks you, rather than trying to meet you. This could turn into a massively abusive relationship.
@stacyjaye6350
2 жыл бұрын
I also was there. The whole thing made me physically ill, I just got out of the hospital with a perforated ulcer. You hang in there, girl. Get into Anna's programs, if you can't afford them, there are free ones. Immerse yourself in them. Hope is not a strategy. Strategy: a plan of action to achieve a major goal. You can so do this, promise. Good luck and Godspeed, honey. ☮️💖 From Tulsa
@flowerydaze4246
2 жыл бұрын
@@ebbyc1817 Yes I do see now that being blocked was a blessing and protection.
@flowerydaze4246
2 жыл бұрын
@@stacyjaye6350 Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Healing to us both! 💖
@stacyjaye6350
2 жыл бұрын
@@flowerydaze4246 Yes, and soon, YOU'LL be the one to block if needed!🥰😘
@suzannasmogoleski6411
2 жыл бұрын
How a person who doesn't have psychological degrees but is more helpful than a psychologist with a degree... A person with true personal experience is better than a person with book experience!! Unfortunately there's a lot of people Don't really understand that...
@a.caramfil9670
2 жыл бұрын
This is so true.
@kavitachouhanvisionenvoice9063
2 жыл бұрын
Amen!!!
@Pocketdekuwu
2 жыл бұрын
I came to this realization a few weeks ago, I have idealized every partner I had instead of seeing them for what they were . It left me feeling unsatisfied and yet anxious and scare to lose them?????? . I am freeing myself. I am not giving anyone who doesn’t really align with my needs and wands (naturally) to just fade away. I don’t have time to wait on people to change ( they don’t have to) to be something I want them to be. It’s Not fair for them or me. I am excited to just focus on me and my life.. I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER IN MY LIFE. I don’t. Have to wait nor move places for other people. No. This time I do what I want and I will do it in the name of my diseased mother who lived her life to please her parents , her husband and us. She always begged me “ please don’t end up like me “ and I won’ t. I need to finish my masters in neuropsychology and keep taking steps towards my fulfillment
@genuineginger4709
2 жыл бұрын
Powerful! Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻
@donpeace894
2 жыл бұрын
whatever you say
@saintbastien69
2 жыл бұрын
I have to admit, your videos on Limerence definitely hit me the hardest, as I am so guilty of falling into limerant patterns with other men. Like way too easily meeting someone I find as slightly attractive can become a slippery slope if I don't keep a very careful watch on my thoughts and feelings. But with that being said, once that hard-to-swallow pill is finally swallowed, it always opens my eyes so much and gives me opportunity to change. Thank you giving it to us straight 'cause I need to hear the hard truths if I'm ever going to change.
@aperson7210
2 жыл бұрын
I totally unserstand where you're coming from. Not so long ago I was willing to give a chance to a guy that I didn't even find attractive, but since I was receiving some good vibrations from him Limerence took over and I starting thinking about a possible relationship when it was clear that he was just being nice and cordial, but I only saw things for what they truly were once I snapped out of it due to the physical attraction not growing and i'm pretty sure he is interested in girls that are quite the opposite of me, so I can only imagine in what state of mind I would've been in if it actually grew. I do too have to stop myself from feeding the Limerence once I find a guy attractive or if he is nice to me because it only makes me want to go above and beyond for people that are not even interested in me in that way which is very sad and embarrassing. Maybe one day I can say that I am free from this since it has been going for way too long and it is not helping at all.
@ladybleu7617
2 жыл бұрын
I lived in a fantasy world since I was little girl to suppress the pain of my childhood and not realizing I had accepted people into my life that were the same as my abusers. Also never had a true connection with people who wanted the best for me, taking advantage of my insecurities. I had one person who came into my life who would listen to me and tell me gently how I needed to think differently but I was blind and unaware of my inability to see the truth of my environment. This is why my healing journey has taken me here to this channel and I’m grateful for the painful truths I need to continue the path.
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
Limerence has been so rough for me that I no longer desire a relationship....
@Augfordpdoggie
2 жыл бұрын
limerence pops up when real life is not good....yup
@a.caramfil9670
2 жыл бұрын
Only now do I realize how toxic it is for someone with Limerence Syndrome when some people say: "imagine that what you want is already yours. Live your life as if what you want is already in your life. "
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly.
@erikavaleries
2 жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh - fake it til you make it. I always did that. Now I am gutted.
@corinneyaworski-mh9uc
11 ай бұрын
Thanks!
@amandatheresa6495
2 жыл бұрын
I fell head over heels in limerence with a KZitemr I've followed for the past three years 🥴 We emailed back and forth a bit, and exchanged numbers but he made it PERFECTLY CLEAR he wasn't interested in romance. What did I do? Tried to crap fit myself and pushed harder 🤦🏻♀️ Yes he ended up blocking me, after calling me a stalker, and I felt like THE biggest idiot once I realized I was living in a fantasy that I couldn't snap out of! It's been two months since he blocked me and yet I STILL fantasize about him, STILL have attempted to reach out to him, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW BETTER 😭 I should also add that he's totally an emotionally unavailable man and yet there's some part of me that drives this desire to make the unavailable, available to ME. "I can change him with enough love" kinda thought process 🙄 Knowing damn well this is SO unhealthy and just setting myself right up for disappointment and mistreatment!
@RubyYGal
Жыл бұрын
Had I known what limerence felt like beforehand, I never would have fallen for my crush. This girl is a perfect ten. Long, wavy golden blonde/brown hair, 27 years old, and divorced with no kids. Way the hell out of my league and yet seemingly available all at the same time, but not for me. What fueled my fire for her was the eye contact we were always giving each other at work, except we never have actually had conversation, other than an occasional hello. I've fallen so hard for this person. I sing love songs to her in the car (yet she's never there and I never sang in the car before anyway) I make songlists for her and search for songs that include her name, I have her picture on my nightstand, I talk to it, kiss it, constantly talking like she's there. I write her poems but never send them. She has hijacked my mind and I can't make it stop. Not sure if I even want to, but I know it's totally unhealthy. As far as I'm concerned, she is the most stunning, beautiful, perfect woman in the universe. And no other female right now will do. I can't even begin to entertain the thought. Not having her makes me an emotional mess. If she goes a day without noticing me, I wail and cry all the way home from work. All this because I wanted to challenge myself to see if I could catch her eye. And it worked, yet not for the better. She is an absolute dream to look at and I can't find one thing wrong with her. I'm like a cripple if I think I might have conversation with her and I get crazy anxious because I want the conversation to be perfect. Yet it never happens. And she just walks right on by like I'm invisible. It's torture to go through the motions every day like this. Worse than a roller coaster. And I can't not see her because we work in the same building. Not saying I can't deal with it because seeing her makes me happy, but not really. Its a very empty happiness. But it's never enough and I'm too shy to approach because I know I've already messed things up in the 5 months I've been crushing so hard on her. I pray that God will help see me through and maybe help me see her imperfections because I know she has them, we all do. I just want her to like me. Be my friend. Maybe hang out sometime and go for a drink after work. If we don't end up at my place or hers after, I'm totally ok with it. Sure I'd love to be romantically involved but I'm ok with taking things slow. If that's how it has to be. It's terrible going through this. So for anyone else who is in this terrible place right now, you're not alone.
@mjwalker942
Жыл бұрын
Interesting, I caught limerence for a KZitemr as well and ended up blocked for different reasons. I didn't even know what limerence was. It felt like hell and I have never felt so emotionally dependent on someone else's approval and reciprocating feelings. I had my hopes and dreams crushed along with my heart. I suffered Abandonment trauma and felt trapped in a limerence nightmare that I'm still working my way out of. The strange thing is I have never had a crush on a celebrity or experienced such strong feelings of love towards someone. Especially not someone that I got to know online from KZitem it's just strange how confusing it all was and how mixed up I felt on that emotional rollercoaster.
@mjwalker942
Жыл бұрын
@@RubyYGalI'm going to give you my advice as a qualified random stranger. Make a move sooner rather than later. The longer you wait the worse you make things for yourself and the more obsessed you become. Someone else will come along who isn't afraid of rejection and he will get her and you will be left crying. Also if you put her on a pedestal like you are doing right now you will most likely screw things up. The more you want to not screw things up with a girl the more you are likely to screw things up with a girl. Not trying to be mean, but I would be willing to bet 100$ that when you do make a move it won't work out like you hoped for, you will end up rejected and disappointed with a lot of time wasted. More than likely the girl you end up with will be the one who puts you on a pedestal and wants to be with you more than you would want to be with her.
@pittifulbeauty
2 жыл бұрын
I am so glad I found your page. Been watching for awhile, but wasn't actually accepting the information to help me change. But this week brought everything to a head & now I am realizing how much I need to truly heal. I've always lived in fantasy, because reality was abusive and horrible. Every relationship and friendship has been limerence for me. I don't know how to have real friendships/relationships. But I want to learn and change. Thank you for sharing all that you have been thru so we can thrive in life.
@moiramahony8319
2 жыл бұрын
Dear Anna (Fairy), thank you so much for your videos. You are such a healing influence in our world 💟. I was shocked to discover that limerance is a thing. I've experienced it all my life, on and off. The predictable childhood and early adulthood of sexual abuse, bullying, neglect and abandonment. Few and short-term (but high quality) partners. After years of all sorts of attempts at therapy and healing, I started to detach from my limerant habit, and other trauma symptoms, 18 months ago when I finally found psychedelic assisted therapies. Recovered memories, integration, support, and healing follow. Went for my first job interview in 15 years last week, and got the job. Will start slow, with support, and increase work hours as I'm ready. ✊☮🐛🦋
@wellkeptsecret
2 жыл бұрын
Wow…our stories/timeline sound so similar! Oddly similar. ❤️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Congratulations! You are really on your way :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@ipsitasen9569
2 жыл бұрын
Congratulations. Very motivating your story is👏
@BeholdIamaNewCreation
2 жыл бұрын
I’m going to be taking 5 MeO-DMT. When I’m ready, and when I feel safe to do so. I’d love to find a similar community as what you describe.
@moiramahony8319
2 жыл бұрын
@@BeholdIamaNewCreation I found people by joining relevant fb communities. Good luck and healing to you 🍀🐛🦋
@trinap.8904
2 жыл бұрын
WOW I've been through this bck and forth for 25 years...hoping. He used me for emotional support. Finally reached a head and ended in 2019. I started real healing and blockedt him everywhere. 3 yrs later he emailed asked me to call. It caused dysregulation but I regrouped. I deleted the email and added him to my junk folder.
@Thomas116-m2n
2 жыл бұрын
I had this during high school for a girl. We were on friendly terms but never dated. I wanted (or believed I did) to marry her. I thought about her all the time and when I finally realized that she wasn't interested in me that way (four years later), I remember lying on my bed and sobbing for hours. I moped around and thought the world was ended but it didn't. I'm still mad at myself for wasting my time and putting her on a pedestal. I realized that I didn't even know her that well.
@jeanbastien9424
2 жыл бұрын
You sound like the male version of me lol, except I’m still feeling it.
@Thomas116-m2n
2 жыл бұрын
@@jeanbastien9424 The empowering thing is to realize it. Realize the power over you that you have given this person. Realize that whatever you do to impress that person won't suddenly change them. It isn't like a movie where something just clicks. I realize that I gave my person good qualities that they didn't really have; you've probably done the same thing. There are better people out there....I promise.
@asdf14051
Жыл бұрын
going through this rn. ive tried to kms a couple times and failed, been getting help for a couple years, but nothing makes it better. i feel so stuck and hopeless
@Elsie144k
2 жыл бұрын
I think I was in a limerant marriage for 21 years. Don’t know if that’s possible or even makes sense. But I lived my life with him just wishing he could love me and hurt that I never felt loved, even though he would say the words. When I finally did get the strength to leave I realized the cold hard truth that he was never really with me in the first place (always had serial affairs). I left but suffered greatly. Had two more limerant relationships And still am trying to get my life back together. I ended the second one recently thanks to this channel.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
So glad Anna's message was helpful! -Cara@TeamFairy
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
Having a relationship doesn't mean happiness .. having hobbies that fulfill me help ..
@k92aida
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for what you do, Anna. As a Christian, I've come to realize this is the psychological name for idolatry. Making another human a God and putting them on a pedestal that no human can be on. I wasted so many years suffering and wasting time with this disease. I feel God guided me to your channel and I feel like I'm healing. Thank you and God bless🙏
@annah.2357
11 ай бұрын
Yes!!! Thank you so much for writing that...I am still very much struggling with this, but I am so glad that, at least, I recognize it now.
@HelloDarling73
2 жыл бұрын
Watching your videos makes me realize how much I've healed. I'm so grateful
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
This is the biggest reason to celebrate!
@nicholasbogosian5420
Жыл бұрын
I think being gay/repressed/closeted growing up can also contribute to romantic fantasy longing. Simply because you aren't allowed to be yourself/in love.
@suave-alpaca8412
10 ай бұрын
especially when you live in a conservative country when it's just really hard to find other people you know
@axi271
2 жыл бұрын
Watching these videos make me feel more depressed at the realization I am too damaged for me or anyone else to ever love me!
@BLFulle
11 ай бұрын
You're so wrong. Do you have any idea how many people out there long for someone to be in love with. I have very handsome sons, college degrees, successful, yet 3 or 4 of them are alone. They have not been able to make the connections they want so much. I wish for you that you'd open your life and heart up to the very real possibility of being that person someone else has longed for. No one is perfect or without their own issues.
@apheshavaldez405
2 жыл бұрын
I have been in a similar relationship for the past 14 years. The difference is I'm financially stable. I'm breaking free of it gradually by occupying my time with activities i love doing so i won't have much time for the relationship.
@annabougato9628
2 жыл бұрын
Hi anna. i just want to personally thank you for what you do. I've been trying for 2 years to "heal" myself and nothing worked until i came across your channel and found out i have CPTSD and everything made sense. Ever since i started your daily practice I've been getting less dysregulated and when i do I'm able to recognize it and reregulate myself. You have literally changed my life. Thank you for your gift
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
You're so very welcome. Thank you for being here and for watching! - Ashley, Team Fairy
@Lil-Lotus111
2 жыл бұрын
Wow! I'm a new sub and this is the 1st time I've even heard of this in over. 2 decades of research re narcissism and cptsd. I always wondered what was wrong with me and I was embarrassed to talk about it. Makes total sense why I fantasize about relationships since my childhood was filled with abuse, abandonment and neglect. Thank you for shedding light on this topic!❤️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Welcome to the channel! Glad the content has been enlightening for you. Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@abricO6
Жыл бұрын
This but I don’t feel like I’ve been abused. Maybe never being liked by anyone at school but not abused by family.
@MeaganFoy
Жыл бұрын
Honestly learning about limerence has caused me a lot of self hatred. I can’t even love right. I thought I was good at loving anyone and really I have never loved and never can.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Жыл бұрын
There are solutions, it doesn't' have to stay like this forever :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@natnatbat
2 жыл бұрын
I'm so glad to see this video right now. Going no contact is a lot rougher than I thought. It seems difficult to me to leave people in the past, even if they're toxic and it's the absolute right thing to do. I've only been doing it for like a week now and I found myself writing out a rather long list of reasons why I shouldn't miss my ex. It really helped clear my mind but your videos are really what keep me moving in the right direction to start being independent and healthy .
@240iBMW
2 жыл бұрын
Same. But looking at it as an addiction from a drug helps keep me on track.
@mijuajua4820
2 жыл бұрын
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I did know what it was called; what I was doing with a man I’ve been seeing for the past 6 years off and on. And it’s limerence. You are saving people. You are helping people lead quality lives that involves learning what a healthy romantic relationship is, if we so choose to be in one. Many blessings to you always.✌🏻❤️😘
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Happy to hear Anna's videos are helping you with your life and relationships. We're rooting for you! - Ashley, Team Fairy
@ayaaly2866
Жыл бұрын
This series should be a book it's so mind blowing for whoever going through it
@MountainBikeBabe
2 жыл бұрын
The Fairy is so smart. What a great learning opportunity to hear her videos. I don’t have this problem but I enjoy her analysis.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Glad you enjoy the videos. Thanks for supporting! - Ashley, Team Fairy
@MrAhuraMazda
2 жыл бұрын
You can absolutely end up long term with a Limerence partner. And it's AWFUL. I've lived it. It's amazing at first, and then it turns into waaaay too clingy and dependant on each other for a period. But the worst part is after that when then projection is withdrawn and the Limerence is gone and you see them for who they really are. That's fine, except that you're still the wounded person, so you actually VERY easily end up in Limerence with ANOTHER person while youre with the person you initially were, and youre right back to square one except you're in a relationship and absolutely miserable. And in my personal experience Limerence only gets worse. So the next person you're MORE into. I realize now the ONLY solution is to break the wheel and do the work.
@nicoleo446
2 жыл бұрын
My jaw dropped, this is me right now and it’s awful 😢
@erikavaleries
2 жыл бұрын
I was very traumatized as a kid but I don’t have this experience of limerence. I find it very hard to care about romance or fantasy. I think the reality of my family narcissism was always present and conscious. So I tried to stay in the moment, keep to myself, not fall for a fairytale. But I fell for believing Facebook is a real community, even though group after group was trolled or turned to chaos or just disappeared, like everyone I thought I had connected to. I feel so stupid & shattered.
@dearbrave4183
2 жыл бұрын
I love how you explain complex things into simplicity ♥️ Great video!
@kathe9486
2 жыл бұрын
your videos explain so much of what I’ve been going through most of my life but never knew it had a named diagnosis 🤯 Thank you 🙏
@kamrankcomedy
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks to your channel, it solidified for me a lifelong feeling that my obsession with my fantasy relationships in my head wasn’t good. I always figured there was something unhealthy about it but I see now how it was a coping mechanism for feeling like no one could ever love me deeply in real life. But I see now that limerence and fantasy held me back from being emotionally available to people that would love me. You speak so clearly about a subject I’ve never really heard of before (limerence). Just a week or so of watching your videos and I’ve already felt like I’ve dropped my obsession with winning over the love of unavailable people and I see people who are healthy and available already start to notice me and act different around me. I still have much to heal so I won’t rush anything but this is such a powerful concept for us CPTSD survivors.
@heatherhill6051
2 жыл бұрын
Wow. What a helpful, practical video---full of common sense. I really like how you discuss the financial issues and long term consequences of limerence.
@maddi3582
2 жыл бұрын
I really feel for (and can identify with) Jane. In my own experience of deep, deep limerence it was compounded by a series of quite striking coincidences which, of course, I took as the "universe supporting" my profound (-ly misled) connection to a guy. Although 15 years ago now. I still feel the acute shame of when that particular penny dropped... But, what really struck me about Jane's story (and, again, I strongly identify with it) is the lack of stability and security in her life. I used to, almost proudly, say, "Security makes me feel insecure" - more eye rolling shame - until I got to an age where I was stuck in a dead end job, trapped in a vicious cycle of poverty, acute insecurity, and despair. I'd still be there now if it weren't for an out of the blue windfall. I'm now taking steps to learn how to take care of myself better, on all levels. What I see - and this may be me simply projecting - is that Jane is disconnected, kind of disengaged from HER life through her CPTSD. It's like she's dipping a toe in but can't take the plunge of owning her OWN life. Sabotaging it? Rejecting it? Denying it? I can only say that I feel I created a "less than" life as that was how I was taught/expected to be. I should add that in my random, and, yes, at times exhilarating, travels I knew many, many folk who lived the errant, "seasonal", lifestyle, but the ones who did it successfully knew exactly what they were worth, knew how to be selfish and cut throat if necessary, and ALWAYS had reserves (money, family, property... ) they could draw on. Boundaries, really, I guess. Jane's situation is incredibly precarious and she is so vulnerable. I truly, sincerely hope she finds a way to take steps to find and build some emotional and physical security for herself.
@suzannasmogoleski6411
2 жыл бұрын
Limerence is a constant fight whether your still friends with the person you have problems with or separated from the attached person...
@aciddiver1978
10 ай бұрын
Its almost impossible to be close friends with someone you been romantic with.
@shellbell8062
2 жыл бұрын
CCF you are a truly wise woman. You clear up so much confusion and give words to what is sometimes so hard to understand.
@mariayoung1071
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this topic. I really needed to hear this and I can so relate to this. N i just recently learn from ur videos that i may have cptsd n avoidant disorder aswell. N ur videos have been spot on n really been a light bulb in my head. I felt so alone in this situation. Ashamed to share my truth. However i can watch these videos n connect with them n a private setting n work on my self. Sending big hugs to u ..Thank you so much.. may u have a blessed day..
@genxx2724
2 жыл бұрын
Thinking of it as a parasite is really helpful. Of course it has to be curtailed and eradicated.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching! -Calista@TeamFairy
@CorpusKristieTN
2 жыл бұрын
You Are REALLY AMAZING THANK YOU FOR FIGHTING FOR THE CAUSE🎉🎉🎉🎉FREEDOM🎊🎊🎊🎊
@MellowJelly
2 жыл бұрын
this one was good, it's not so black and white... i am in a somewhat similar situation where i need to focus on my own growth and foundation and not put so much energy into this friendship but I still am holding onto the hope that it can be more someday because it's not a solid "no"
@isabellaisy5427
2 жыл бұрын
I have a type of limerence not with romantic relationships, but with goals and career success, i always day dreaming about having this professional success but doing nothing to improve.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
It's not just you, this comes up a lot! -Cara@TeamFairy
@ohtoobeetall
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve wondered about limerence and trauma bonds coinciding. Thanks for pointing that out on this video.
@joannarose8138
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you. Your videos saved my sanity. 🙏💜☮️
@nuhwe
2 жыл бұрын
I'm so grateful for you Anna ❤️
@KimchiYeo
2 жыл бұрын
I hate to admit it but i am anonymous online anyways but i recognize this in me,every relationship i had were with people who were nice to me showered me in presents and love at first then when i am hooked to them with my pink love glasses they start to say things like,'' you know i gave you this or that ?, i want this or that from you'' and everytime it went from something small that i didnt see the redflag of to being sexually abuse and publicly degraded until it left me crying ,then they come to me saying they are sorry and how much they love me i believe them because nobody would do this twice in a row right ?...wrong T_T it keeps in this cycle and i asm affraid to leave,i am minus 100% non-confronting and come from a abussive ''family'' who physically verbally and sexually abused me for over 16 years of my life( i feel shame every day for just existing) i am a 90's baby so it did not help me being lesbian times were different back then,so i could not ask for any help from anyone in fear that they would discover me being attracted to other girls,i still have scars and pains from those relationships.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing here- there is lots of healing in store for you :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@MellowJelly
2 жыл бұрын
i'm so sorry to hear that, it's awful what has been done to you. i have been abused as well by family and relationships and it takes a lot of effort and boundaries just to begin to approach what I think is a "normal" or "healthy" stasis in my life now. but it is possible, things have gotten better but it has taken a few years. i'm 25 but feel so old and exhausted mentally/emotionally. but i see the light at the end of the tunnel. even if you don't see it yet i know it's there
@theprincessthepea441
2 жыл бұрын
There is a time when you just have to move forward with your own interests in mind.
@Ilana_bornagaininChrist
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy. I realized by this video is that I have have limerance and yes it's life draining
@artifactis
2 жыл бұрын
The first 30 seconds of this video speaks my story.
@jeremybruck5402
2 жыл бұрын
Every conflict is valued by the price of its ultimate reconciliation. There is no greater theft than maintaining presence with a person who desires to reconcile with no intention to reconcile. There is no greater value than your own life, which was given to you. Therefore, this person is no better than a murderer who is stealing the use of your life from the entity that gave your life to you. There is no evil a person who lies will not do. The value of honesty is determined by the price of the crime committed. Thus, if a person tells you they have no intention to reconcile, you should believe them until you die. If a person has no intention to reconcile, the value of sharing resources declines. As resource theft increases, the value of war increases and the value of redistribution increases, because the price of reconciliation increases. The value of maturation is value for the sake of value, because of the value of life. Thus, faith is the highest value with an effort equal to its price if and only if you have been educated by one willing to teach you in an impartial manner for which he has not determined the use through his own judgment based on an incorrect perception of his utility based on the premise that he has chosen the actions he has taken. Comedy is Tragedy + Faith minus the price of both. Therefore, the value of comedy is equal to the value of tragedy, plus the value of faith. There is no value in tragedy. Therefore, faith is the minimum required effort for a good life. Thus, comedy is tragedy, which is committed to life. Comedy which is appreciated for its aesthetic value does not contribute anything of utility, aside from the faith which is required for it to maintain its value. A person of faith chooses honesty, because, truly, a person who does not have freedom to choose has chosen death. But some people just love the lie. The requirement to work is equal to the disbelief of an honest person, as an honest person will never say that something is possible when they know it is impossible, because they know the truth inherent in a promise. Thus, a comedian who tells you you should give away your wealth is lying, because they do not believe that honesty should be rewarded with the utility required for the value it produces. A sincere and good person who tells you you may never reconcile with them and who gives away his wealth for the sake of his kingdom is rewarded not for the action but for his sincerity. A sincere and good person who takes action in what he says is always useful, but if he does not forgive one who attains wealth through just means, he is blameless.
@dalenjurgens6751
2 жыл бұрын
I'm 51 this year, never married. All i have is family and two friends. I hardly ever think about being old alone but it is a possibility. Yikes.
@lorrainea6177
2 жыл бұрын
I'm almost 64 now & have cut out all family & friends. Was just used by a narcissist (took me 3x to break away & still struggling), and then discovered my C-PTSD. I feel old & so messed up... depressed & anxiety-filled. 😔
@dalenjurgens6751
2 жыл бұрын
@@lorrainea6177 may i ask why you cut out friends and family? I'm sorry for your circumstance.
@totallychillgirl8072
2 жыл бұрын
Your hair looks beautiful today Anna! 💕
@theartofreid6426
2 жыл бұрын
My therapist mentioned that I have been mistaking my anger for depression. I have been treating depression when I should have been doing anger management. Looking for ideas to cope with anger. Any help with anger would be greatly appreciated.
@julietcrowson3503
2 жыл бұрын
Sport? Praying...? give your problems to God? Deep breathing Time Grief therapy? Why are you angry? Peace 🙏☯️✝️🙂🫂
@Angel-se4zm
2 жыл бұрын
Go to the top of a mountain and let it out..
@beverleymacca4737
2 жыл бұрын
The daily practice Anna teaches helps with anger because you get out all your resentments
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
@TheArtOf/Reid: 'Daily Practice' linked in description section :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@kimberleyvos4087
2 жыл бұрын
thankyou for your videos on limerence. it has helped me a lot
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Great to hear! -Cara@TeamFairy
@prettyinpinku
2 жыл бұрын
this vid couldnt have come at a better time
@AmorDivino-e5q
2 жыл бұрын
It's VIP to know when is appropriate to use imagination, and when can be dangerous to do it.
@mddsgn
2 жыл бұрын
Your hair looks so pretty Anna !!!
@Oregontrailblazin
2 жыл бұрын
Can I say YEP to everything you say .. and is Sucking the life of me ..I thank you
@Altaswaysia
2 жыл бұрын
Can limerence actually exist for many years?… When do you get to the point where you have to question if you’re being loyal, or being a blind idiot? By watching just few of your videos, and going through the quizzes, I’ve realized I’ve wanted to be a positive influence for my significant other’s children, ( past two girlfriends both had two boys), because I didn’t get it growing up. I “stuck out the relationship”, for 5 years, and currently going into the 12th year. I just chalked it up to, “relationships take work”, and, “I don’t quit”. Obviously that hasn’t served me well at all. Thank you for such a brilliant insight into what’s been happening for way too long. 🍻🍻 Here’s a huge virtual hug!
@nathc540
2 жыл бұрын
Having a small amount of friends sucks when your dealing with this as there aren’t many people to talk to or do stuff with to take your mind off and move on. Just means your more likely to be in the same situation multiple times.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Joining an appropriate 12 step group is recommended! Pretty much anyone with CPTSD could belong to one or more of these three: AlAnon, Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families, Codependents Anonymous. -Cara@TeamFairy
@di3486
2 жыл бұрын
I had zero friends and I did it! Nothing can stop you when you put your entire self to it.
@TimeIdle
2 жыл бұрын
There's long-term relationship, then there's long-term limerence.
@martug.5519
2 жыл бұрын
Love your fairy pencil ❤😂
@soniafaye9919
2 жыл бұрын
I needed to hear all this. Anna, I hope you’ve read the email I sent.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
As long as you've sent it to hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com, then someone from the team will review and pass it along to Anna. :) - Ashley, Team Fairy
@SusanaXpeace2u
2 жыл бұрын
He will remind jane that she wasn't wanted by h, wasn't valued by him. Cut him loose to be free of that reminder
@sandyp6523
2 жыл бұрын
Mine is my neighbor across the street. His living room window looks into mine. Can't go no contact with him. Wish I weren't so obsessed😔
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
You can still get free! -Cara@TeamFairy
@sandyp6523
2 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'm trying, lol. Kept curtains closed for awhile but that was a bit drastic (out of site, out of mind). I work from home so avoiding him is quite easy if I leave the house when he's at work. But then I can't leave on the weekends (he gardens the front yard a lot). And that's no way to live 😋
@ragingphoinix9144
Жыл бұрын
I'm limerant because I always want someone... anyone...to choose me. To stay. To save me. To make me worthy. And it never comes.
@siennasymonds2057
2 жыл бұрын
6:38 the absolute betrayal of my own cat like this would be my 13th reason
@tattooedwarriorangel
2 жыл бұрын
I live in a similiar situation Key difference is my roomate is gay so neither of us are sexually attracted to each other. I am content although l do think The Fairy makes valid points. I am working hard to get finnancially back on my feet. So if l need to move out, l can. I'm open to dating but l don't feel l have to force anything because my home life is stable and l have a support system.
@nizirascorner5883
2 жыл бұрын
I don't think I've ever had a close friendship with someone, so I don't know what it actually feels like or to have someone love me, I don't really know how to tell if someone is right for me because I talk to people online so I always fall Into a pattern of limerance and projecting a fantasy onto people but they often don't even respond to me or a lot of our conversations don't go anywhere maybe I'm the problem because I don't know if people like me.
@Arachne-qw1vr
2 жыл бұрын
okay, that is good advice for my situ, thanks CCF
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Glad it helped! Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@drnobody7934
2 жыл бұрын
Sounds like a co-dependent relationship to me and that the 2 of them need to get checked for asbergers. I was in her shoes a decade ago at 47 years old and decided I was getting too old to start over again when I was kicked to the curb.
@noonereally4798
2 жыл бұрын
Just find a roommate online if you don’t want to be alone, staying with another female would probably be a good idea.
@jackierose6449
2 жыл бұрын
Does Anna do a private counsel on zoom , email or phone session ?
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
My calendar is full now but later this year I'll open it up again. Keep an eye on the coaching page of my website. We also offer a number of group coaching programs.
@gpparis2023
2 жыл бұрын
Nailed it!
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
She may want to look into public assistance like section 8 for housing if she has limited income so she would no longer be reliant on him for housing ..
@TopSecretInformations
2 жыл бұрын
Better have $$ to afford protection & extra locks. Alone, single in sec 8 ..👀
@marlenaeva3813
Жыл бұрын
Thanks, Anna. I broke NC with my limerent object and it feels confusing and bad. I'm now trying to determine if he's a covert narcissist or has emotional unavailability problems. He loves to make women fall for him and keep them on their toes but he doesn't deliver anything valuable, only looks. I read in an article on limerence that when the limerent object keeps you guessing, is mysterious and does not let go of you (or your attention) easily, it means he's a narcissist. He's only looking for attention which benefits him. Can you please make a video on limerent objects who are narcissists? And how to determine they are one.
@qitae
2 жыл бұрын
What is the barrier to friendship? I understand relationships that are romantic but i am curious how cptsd interferes with friends
@meeraraj0
Жыл бұрын
7:40 hahaha Anna's response 😻😊
@someonesomeone25
Жыл бұрын
Interesting. I've been in love with tulpas and a doll for some years, and have only just started experiencing love with humans in my middle age. I think the realn issue is simply that unless you're attractive it's very difficult, perhaps impossible, to find and have satisfying romantic and sexual relationships. I'd live to be able to live more humans, but I'm rather too ugly.
@monicasharmajoshi3265
2 жыл бұрын
What if there is no childhood trauma ( as far as I recall) but I still struggle to find connection and find myself stuck in what you call limerence
@acfatemi
2 жыл бұрын
Minute 17; would a ”Josef” marriage work for this couple? That is a marriage when the couple live together as sister & brother in a shared home and are commited not to bring other partners into their life together
@traccie101
2 жыл бұрын
I'm interested in the courses. Are there work book style pages that we can print out?
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Yep.
@traccie101
2 жыл бұрын
Oh, that's awesome!
@tabathaterry2998
2 жыл бұрын
If she's ok with being friends she should get her name on the house so she has some rights when it comes to where she is living and more security in the friendship. And focus on her finances.
@MBAinternetmktg
2 жыл бұрын
It's possible that the guy is not interested in a relationship with her or anyone else. If he is actively dating, he wouldn't want a woman living in his apt. for long periods of time. She didn't mention the household duties situation, is she doing all the cleaning, cooking, and laundry? Does he know that she fantasizes about following him to his eventual new home?
@melissak.8385
2 жыл бұрын
Jus for now...6 years later.
@jeanhickman6678
2 жыл бұрын
I just want you to know that I like you so much….not to many like you around. I need a friend, I’m 69 and so longing for a mature female friend. (I’m far from gay and married lol) just thought you’d appreciate hearing how very cool you are!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your kind words. We have a special community here and we're grateful you're a part of it! - Ashley, Team Fairy
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