New relationships are often delicate things: missteps committed at this stage of the courtship process aren't as easily forgiven. In this episode, I'll discuss the most common way that men unintentionally bring promising relationships to a premature conclusion, and how to prevent this happening to you. The key is to understand that uncertainty and insecurity are your allies during the rapprochement stage. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzitem.info/news/bejne/uKiOqK6Ha3p1eIY Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzitem.info/rock/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship
@Omni-Presi
Жыл бұрын
I'll find resistance in myself when the time comes to do this I predict. I'll rewatch this so I'll understand better & be more ready when the time comes, which I'm in the middle of anyway(a blessing). The mind is complex. I'm Appreciative with your help in understanding. Proverbs 4:7 [7]Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.
@1MVEntGlobal
Жыл бұрын
What if you have already told her you like her. She wasn't interested. you gave her all the space and went about your life, then she comes back like "you dont talk to me again since we last spoke". how do you respond to that?
@writtenlike
Жыл бұрын
@@1MVEntGlobal just live your life and tell her you've been busy. Don't act petty by saying stuff like "well, you rejected my interest etc." If you still want her in her life (if you think she's now interested) just keep the door (to spending time together) open.
@rejectionistmanifesto8836
Жыл бұрын
The biggest thing channels like this avoid earning Men is how many women will try to TRAP a man by trying to get pregnant or keep pressuring the man to marry her then she can legally take his money and steal his children with 70% DIVORCE rate among younger generations (note the 58% divorce rate is skewed by including people from 60-103 years old).
@leebennett1821
Жыл бұрын
Fu"k why is it so complicated to be a Human sometimes I wish I was a dog it must be simpler being a Dog 🐕🐕🐕
@pauldurbin6586
11 ай бұрын
1. We panic 2. We worry about "what if" 3. We lose our frame 4. We stop prioritizing ourselves
@leebennett1821
10 ай бұрын
Well some people are quite Good at serving their own need and vanity I am assuming you are an American if it's one thing I have noticed about Americans they are Quite good as serving their own need and vanity I will say that a Country that has to tell itself it's the best in World is not the best in the World
@dexteramaro9697
10 ай бұрын
While it's true that some Americans might exhibit self-interest and vanity, these traits are hardly unique to any nationality; they're part of the human condition. As for claiming to be the best, sometimes it's less about boasting and more about building self-confidence, a tactic not limited to any one country.
@joshua_finch
9 ай бұрын
Don't prioritize yourself prioritize what can't fail, like God or virtue. Why hold a fallible self up as a priority? Sounds doomed.
@revmatchproductions
7 ай бұрын
It all comes down to fear. We all have two choices when it hits us. You either can listen to it and give in/ give up, then the failure follows. OR, you can sense that fear when you feel it coming on and say F*CK YOU. Im done being afraid, its time to live my life. As soon as you let go of fear and doubts in life, literally EVERYTHING gets better. Keep your heads up brothers❤
@Goldsnip
5 ай бұрын
fuck yeah
@MrBoxofplastic
Жыл бұрын
After I got divorced I started dating a woman and after a few dates she said "why don't you call me everyday?" so I did and she broke up with me on our next date. Lol.
@MichaelMurray-w6f
Жыл бұрын
They never know what they want.
@easyw1220
Жыл бұрын
She asked you why dont you not please do it.
@MrBoxofplastic
Жыл бұрын
@@easyw1220 no, she wanted me to communicate much more.
@curtsgab6493
Жыл бұрын
@@MrBoxofplasticshe doesn't want you doing what she's saying because she herself doesn't know what she's saying
@christinefury1040
Жыл бұрын
This was one woman. Stop basing your entire view of all females based on your myopic experience. Men explaining what and how women think is a bad idea. Ask a woman who has a good head on her shoulders.
@LaitoChen
10 ай бұрын
My sister told me, never chase a woman who isn't into you. I've seen relationships where after years both partners still text and call each other every other hour, and relationships where both people touch base weekly. Find someone who is just as attached or "disengaged" as you are. Never chase women. And never over-match her interest in you. Once you find that lady who thinks youre amazing you'll realize how shallow all these other mind games were. And youll never look back. But you have to work on yourself.
@marguskiis7711
10 ай бұрын
Problem is: people change
@rodriguesaplacino6612
6 ай бұрын
I would rephrase. Never chase a woman, period.
@jayfron6012
6 ай бұрын
I feel this 100%. I had issues with this in my 20s, but for the past 3 years I’ve been single working on myself after a terrible relationship during Covid. I started dating in the last quarter of last year, with a lot of success. Eventually I met my now girlfriend. It felt effortless with her, I never had to sit and strategize when and how to text her, I just felt comfortable being myself with her, and she feels comfortable being herself with me. Don’t chase people who aren’t right for you
@gustavogomez7331
6 ай бұрын
Amen. I totally agree. It isn't about always acting distant and detached but actually finding a woman that reciprocate but better yet is more into you. It makes things more simply. It also helps for them to know that you're willing to walk away despite your interest in her.
@pwilliams4073
5 ай бұрын
I dialed it back - I give my new guy lotsa space and I don't ask him why didn't you call me yesterday ?? It's working , I feel strong foing that and he's calling more. All is good
@thevikingnomad88
Жыл бұрын
Most women want commitment, but not from a guy that wants to commit. She wants to think she's breaking a stallion. If we just focus on bettering ourselves, pursuing our passions and treat women like an afterthought it works best for everyone. Simp at your own peril.
@juanpaz5124
Жыл бұрын
Yes, they want to feel like they need to fight tooth and nail for your attention.
@ilikepancakes2368
Жыл бұрын
This is why good men end up alone.
@theeel420
Жыл бұрын
They're so backwards 😂
@Fred-zt5ky
Жыл бұрын
so true and so frustrating… it makes 0 sense, why are women like this
@nostalgicbliss5547
Жыл бұрын
@@ilikepancakes2368Good men don't end up alone. Simps and nice guys do. You don't need to be a bad boy to get women. Just be consistent in your character. Show competence, a strong character, ambition, decisiveness, good sense of humor, don't be a clown, but don't take yourself too seriously etc
@Khan-rz8qi
Жыл бұрын
Most men who feel the need to lock a woman down 24/7 usually have optionality problems, so they’re operating in a state of desperation. Men with options rarely even want to be in relationships, which is why they can be laid back throughout their dating lives. If you’re having these problems, work on expanding your options and cultivating an interesting lifestyle that becomes the center of your life.💯
@docsavage8640
Жыл бұрын
I'm calling b.s. on this video as he's only talking about simps.
@cmdplaytowin
Жыл бұрын
all these tactics are for dating whores not for relationships between healthy people
@MonsieurCashow
Жыл бұрын
What if you're in a relationship after few months of dating and she still wants to take vacations at the beach alone and go to bars and stuff with friends. Should a guy still not care, end the relationship, or what?
@Khan-rz8qi
Жыл бұрын
@@MonsieurCashow This is a woman showing you who she is, but you’re refusing to believe her.
@MonsieurCashow
Жыл бұрын
@@Khan-rz8qido you mean "who she is" like not long-term material?
@b.a.johnson5820
7 ай бұрын
There is an old adage which says: "If you love someone set them free. If they come back to you then they were truly yours." I feel this was the Dr.'s message.
@goldfishy
6 ай бұрын
Usually I hear this in the context of breaking up. But this video seems to imply it should be a more regular, habitual practice.
@erwangaillard1637
Ай бұрын
This is the problem of an old adage, it’s not up to date with women practices
@dinc06
2 күн бұрын
Not at all! What he’s saying is: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
@MW-vz4gx
10 ай бұрын
This guy is wayyyyyy better then those “dating coaches”
@StrongBodyandMind33
7 ай бұрын
Coach Corey Wayne teaches the same.
@taylorbee4010
5 ай бұрын
Because he has a degree in psychology lol
@hereforthecomments258
3 ай бұрын
He's teaching you tonsils and obsess over trying to play a losing game. He thinks women's nature is what is truly a perversion of women. He encourages playing into the perversion. No women thought like this in the 50s. You will NEVER find a good woman doing this dumb shit.
@michaelturley8222
3 ай бұрын
For real haha confirmed my long held suspicion - women are children, act accordingly lmao
@hereforthecomments258
3 ай бұрын
This guy DEFINITELY doesn't get laid. He's meek, weak, soft, small,etc. Take advice from someone who can ACTUALLY pull women. He's the guy women cheat on and make raise another man's baby.
@johnthompson5335
11 ай бұрын
“You merely adopted the anxiety. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t get into a relationship until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BINDING!” Jokes aside, I love your videos.
@millermanhal
10 ай бұрын
I feel your pain. I was lucky at 13 met a girl who basically jumped on me and did the work. Dating sucked with anxiety. Now at 40 I'm confident, married with 4kids and great paying job. Woman regularly hit on me because I'm confident and don't care. Go figure. 😂
@smithlonian3726
8 ай бұрын
Bane lol
@FaintAura
Жыл бұрын
I swear anxious attachment ruins all my new relationships/friendships. I'm actively aware of it, but I can't stop myself from feeling these insecure feelings
@jencrews
Жыл бұрын
The Personal Development School on YT was a game changer for me. I feel securely attached after years of operating with a Fearful Avoidant style and had no idea I was doing it!
@tomdoingfunstuff
Жыл бұрын
Personal development school helped me as well - it took me two years of consistent effort to notice when I was feeling anxious and cognitively interrupt myself and take deep breath, and learn how to soothe myself before it became a moderate skill. Anxious attachment is not a condemnation, rather a description of skills you have yet to learn. Don’t identify with the label, use information around that label to develop the skills to change the feelings you have that you don’t like.
@tomdoingfunstuff
Жыл бұрын
I’d say start with the phrase’ “ I can’t stop myself” … you’re not going to get very far if you can’t stop yourself from an impulse. I was there at the beginning too. Dive deep on getting in control of your own mind. This goes way beyond relationships. Gain control of your own mind.
@josefharasek7487
Жыл бұрын
youre putting your life on the line to protect her when having a girlfriend and you should be ok with it when she doesnt show integrity? ok
@Im_Anthonyy
Жыл бұрын
Attachmemt styles are a lie that commercial psychology sold everyone, it is just unhealed traumatic experieces is not set on stone
@dantarradellas7351
Жыл бұрын
‘Give people the gift of your absence’. Fantastic !
@tomdoingfunstuff
Жыл бұрын
Absolute gas doctor. I sent your page to my buddy, and it is really helping him out as well. We were both raised by liberal mothers and the concept of disappointing women was a non-starter to us. You’ve really helped us reframe our lives.
@BxBL85
Жыл бұрын
This is a global issue. Here in Tokyo all the ladies say "-I miss men from the Shōwa Era." They mean that guys today are much too soft and they miss the masculine men who just takes her by the hand and leads her into a night of fun.
@nostalgicbliss5547
Жыл бұрын
@@beowulf_of_wall_stMost progressive liberal feminists are completely delusional.
@BxBL85
Жыл бұрын
@@HimarariCancun I'm not saying you should never walk away from them. I'm saying that Japanese men don't walk in either. You should shoot your shot, get laid, once the BS starts -> you leave. This won't work with American women tho because they are broken and malicious by design.
@Normankings
Жыл бұрын
I have the same story as you and your buddy. And I learnt the same lesson as you did. It’s enlightening and liberating. I suddenly feel ‘in control’
@codniggh1139
Жыл бұрын
The problem is that the are not really masculine, that's why they are shamed
@jaymaymer
Жыл бұрын
This is gold right here. And all truth. This is where a lot of men crack, especially in today's dating game where everyone is distracted. One has to be able to pique their interest and not smother them with attention. Best way to do this is to be genuinely busy.
@doomguy9049
Жыл бұрын
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." "Familiarity breeds contempt." "Always leave them wanting a little more."
@mtlicq
Жыл бұрын
@doomguy9049 - "Familiarity" breeds comfort. and trust. and they'll be ok with a little more. Temporary absence breeds appreciation, and assures of freedom instead of "clinging"
@limitlesssky3050
Жыл бұрын
The problem is that familiarity breeds comfort and security for me. So the more I like someone, the more I want to be close with them. The more I hate someone, the more I want them away from me.
@doomguy9049
Жыл бұрын
@@limitlesssky3050 comfort and contempt exist on the same path: comfort is in the middle, contempt is towards the finish and it's opposite novelty is at the beginning. We don't all walk it at the same speed or arrive at the same destination, but we all start at the beginning and to get to contempt you have to pass through comfort(familiarity).
@mtlicq
Жыл бұрын
@@doomguy9049 🤦♂️ That's seriously messed up
@doomguy9049
Жыл бұрын
@@mtlicq What do you mean?
@dannydubs
Жыл бұрын
It’s so funny how life conveniently puts valuable information in your path exactly when you need to hear it. Thanks for your perspective!
@countdowntorevolution9986
11 ай бұрын
Or a month afterwards.
@awakenedone7577
8 ай бұрын
Haa! I started dating this woman who I thought was way too distant. Like never initiating calls or outings, never texting me unless I text. When I do text, she usually sends one or two word answers etc... When I invite her somewhere like a park or restaurant, she'd always say she's busy. She was nice and cute but too distant for my liking, so I started being distant too, not intentionally but because I was seriously losing interest in her. After a few weeks, she'd drive to my home uninvited (never did before) and ask why I don't talk to her anymore. I mean, how to you expect me to stay interested in you when you're so fking distant. For sure, with her being so distant, I started feeling insecure because every time I asked her if she was truly interested in dating she'd send a 1 word answer yeah. I could never talk about some deep things with her because she was just too distant, I thought why talk to someone about deep things when she doesn't care. I tried to bring her there, a cool and relaxed atmosphere but I felt like she was fighting to be distant. I'm not pursuing this girl anymore but after watching this video, I wondered if I made the right decision and I think I did. While dating her, I felt more alone than when I was single.
@Bertinator-nm9ld
8 ай бұрын
@@countdowntorevolution9986 Or 5 years afterwards.... Whatever. We're here now!
@whatsupbudbud
6 ай бұрын
@@awakenedone7577 I dated one like that for a short stint. Some of the most amazing sex I've had and, despite her amazing personality, she was bat shit crazy. I kid you not.
@gauravmukherjeerecords
Жыл бұрын
Makes sense. The toddler analogy is perfect. Thankyou again. You are changing lives..for the better.
@ompabaletserametse8643
Жыл бұрын
This makes perfect sense! I wondered what I did wrong to make women lose interest. Now I see why the women whom I cared less about their lives and what they were doing are actually the ones who are more interested in me.
@ompabaletserametse8643
Жыл бұрын
@ImAKangwithnokingdomI completely agree with you. That makes perfect sense. My life should always be my number 1 priority, not yours. If I met you a few months ago and suddenly you are my entire life's purpose, then something is wrong big time. In this case, the girl must run for the hills.
@chipsteve
Жыл бұрын
@ImAKangwithnokingdom wow, you just helped me stumble upon another reason not to date single mothers - Even if they are actually busy and spending their time doing anything other than contacting you, it's probably her being busy raising another man's kid. That's not only utterly uninteresting, it's actually worse than her being boring and contacting you too much.
@user-gu6vf3je1d
6 ай бұрын
Lies. That makes no sense. Women don’t fake interest…😂
@JPIndustrie
Жыл бұрын
Reminds me of a song I heard that helped me through a bad relationship - “hold on loosely , but don’t let go - if you cling too tightly you will lose control …”
@ser-neithan786
Жыл бұрын
You nailed it. Being really empathic I always tried to reassure the woman after a ONS or a first encounter, basically not wanting her to feel used or unwanted, but I realise it never procuded any good results in furthering a relationship.
@tallspicy
Жыл бұрын
As a woman, Any women who sleeps with you on the first date is most most likely not a keeper, occasionally she is and is very secure in her choices. That women she has no expectations because she knows ONS is not a promise. That said, did it occur to you, that she was using you? You know empathy is being present with someone to what they are actually experiencing, not projecting your judgement. Women don’t need your reassurance. They most likely don’t feel shame. Just be kind, no need to fawn.
@reconshunter
11 ай бұрын
In my experience, the woman I saw also had plenty options. I basically did as you said in this video, to never hear again from any of them. I later heard from common friends etc. some points such as: - She thought you dont value her, because you didnt reach out so she felt like it would be humiliating for her, to run after you so she didnt. - She accepted that it seems to just having been a ONS and respected that this is all I wanted and saw no reason in chasing someone that doesnt want them back - She just had 30 other guys/simps in her chat constantly reasuring her, so there was constant affirmation without interaction. Clearly I understand that the last one is not a woman I would want, but the first two types were actually real keepers.
@whatsupbudbud
6 ай бұрын
Are they though? The general joining argument of success stories I've heard is that she IS willing to chase you. Women used to do that, by the way. Now the men chase and we call them simps.
@dommier1051
Жыл бұрын
I always thought it was courteous to contact the lady afterwards. Polite, I have been doing this wrong my entire life!!!! Holy s#!t. Thank you Doctor!!
@MichaelMurray-w6f
Жыл бұрын
Not many" ladies" out there anymore, they are racking up their body count.
@JosephOtim
Жыл бұрын
Most important lesson: make sure they like you more than you like them. This is a natural dynamic
@frankno
Жыл бұрын
Dr. Orion, thank you. This video and your emotional attachment video have relieved so much weight from my heart. I hope I didn't screw up too bad from my last interaction but at least now I can improve going forward.
@marriagecausesdivorce7540
Жыл бұрын
We need more videos like this. Good solid practical tips. Men need to try to create excitement and wonder in their relationships. Don't just confess your undying love and beg for marriage after the 1st date. She'll get bored of you, the stability and security real quick. You've to know how to play the game of love. Its kinda annoying but necessary.
@siyasamente9590
Жыл бұрын
"It's kinda annoying," that's where I relate.
@millermanhal
10 ай бұрын
Wish I was aware of this when I was young. 😂 now that I'm married and don't give a bleep what others think...self confident. Now woman hit on me all the time. Even girls half my age.
@logan4179
Жыл бұрын
This, from the gender that always puts "tired of the games" in their online dating profiles.
@matthewcoombs3282
Жыл бұрын
No they love it. I had an old girlfriend complain to me that we didn't row enough and that we were too nice to each other. Go Figure. I think in essence they want to see emotional investment from you, even if it is negative emotions, it is better than no emotion. They will invoke and provoke it if you dont give it to them. In the form of shit tests and other silly games.
@nostalgicbliss5547
Жыл бұрын
@@matthewcoombs3282Those are usually insecure and bored females. There is no way someone who legit had something going for them in life would focus on drama to spice things up.
@rougebaba3887
Жыл бұрын
They are attracted to the guys who can afford to play games.... And want them to stop playing games for them and then only
@nostalgicbliss5547
Жыл бұрын
@@rougebaba3887 Yea it's all about ego. Power and control. That's really what most things in life come down to.
@Bertinator-nm9ld
8 ай бұрын
People often don't realize the games that we play.
@ianwynne764
Жыл бұрын
Orion, in 9 minutes, 12 seconds you have nailed me precisely. Thank you very much. Have a wonderful day.
@TheMechanicAM
Жыл бұрын
This is the first of your videos I’ve seen recommended from an Instagram reel. As angry as I am to hear your input your 100% correct and I’ve made a fool of myself. I will be watching many more of these when I leave work. Thank you for your contribution.
@SegunOpebi
Жыл бұрын
You're no fool bro, take the pill and stay in wonderland so you can see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
@adammilano8556
Жыл бұрын
We're living in a clown world. Just say it.
@GeorgeLista
3 ай бұрын
Just sit back and enjoy the shit show
@MrHydevsDrJekyll
Жыл бұрын
It’s good you’re talking about where men go wrong like getting needy, controlling etc. Most your videos need to be directed towards educating men on female nature, how men need it focus on their purpose and health and the pitfalls of relationships
@user-gu6vf3je1d
6 ай бұрын
No they don’t 😂
@elijah1157
Жыл бұрын
Damn fellas, we gotta treat women like toddlers.
@BraziliansDid911
Жыл бұрын
So true. I recently broke up to be single again, and the first girl I went on a date with we had sex 3 times in 3 days, but I should’ve let a bit of uncertainty come in. I texted her on the 4th day and got a text telling me she wanted to cease communication. Really focusing on being mysterious, detached, and hiding your intents sounds cruel at first but it’s really up to the woman to decide what she wants out of your encounter.
@SlicedInPosts
Жыл бұрын
It’s not your fault. She was just looking for a hookup. Don’t change yourself. Just tweak how you test and assess potential partners.
@powerofknowledge7771
Жыл бұрын
Might have been bad sex but she didn't want to tell you. Not saying that's a hundred percent the issue, but most women won't tell a man if he's not compatible with her in the bed, and will be vague when they break up or cut the man off. I don't think it was the fact that you communicated with her, especially so early on in the dating phase. If a woman really likes you, she's going to want to hear from you on a consistent basis. Because that gives her the comfort in knowing that you're in her corner.
@MrMan-fx3ow
Жыл бұрын
Lol that’s crazy considering you hit 3 times already
@bradfordpalmer2298
Жыл бұрын
That sirtve happened to me....and yes, I made her cum like a freight train, so it wasn't like she didn't enjoy it....but her alter ego counterpart was in the other room, giving her advice, and her make believe mom was in the kitchen. True story, she admitted later she was off her meds. I feel fortunate her alter ego didn't plant a knife in my back!
@tallspicy
Жыл бұрын
You both seem like a mess. Too much too soon for both of you. Not healthy. And most women who put out that early … yikes. I am a woman.
@kevinsilveira885
3 ай бұрын
Great video and channel, Orion! Recently been in this with a woman. After fumbling the ball, I decided it was time to fix this for myself through thorough education. In just a matter of days there has already been a significant difference in how I handle my emotional states, my focus, and productivity and drive. I stopped my unnecessary communication with this woman, and do not fill her in on details when she messages me. That is reserved for if and when we connect in person. Until then, I am happily enjoying my own projects and work. Communication is direct and with an easy-going manner without any signs (or at least much much less) of typical male bitterness or passive aggressive behavior during this rapprochement stage. Truly becoming the samurai with the ability to write poetry about the cherry blossom. :) Thank you!
@NidusFormicarum
Жыл бұрын
I ALWAYS ruin my relationships and friendships when text messageing. Somehow, a text message where you show your vulnerability (which in itself is not bad) is WAY more damageing than if you tell a woman a bit too openly about how much you like her personality when you are with her. Yes, she may turn around and feel that that was a bit too close, but she will still like you and be happy being around you and she is unlikely to stop seeing you for one minor mistake in the interaction like this. BUT, if you make the mistake of telling her that you feel terribly today in a text message (again, not bad in itself, but it might be a bit too early to test her like that) then you are likely to have ruined EVERYTHING.
@soumilagarwal3626
Жыл бұрын
It does make sense Dr Orion. I too have generally fallen into this where i try to reassure women that things are going great, i appreciate you thinking that she shouldnt feel insecure . The moment you remove this insecurity is when they take you for granted. The problem is as a man who wants to settle down in life i have limited time and you don’t know how long that rapprochement phase is for a women, it could be an year also and you cant bank on this. Somewhere men also need that reassurance and commitment from the woman to continue otherwise it just increases anxiety for men and i feel like dropping my standards so that i am more in control.
@SegunOpebi
Жыл бұрын
You're too much in a hurry. When it is time to settle down, you'll be the first to know.
@AB-lb4zv
Жыл бұрын
Most women are used to guys doing the most to close that gap and texting them all the time with the redundant “how was your day “ “Hey , wyd “ crap . That clingy neediness is a turn off . Have hobbies, interests, friends, and some purpose in your life this alleviates that .
@chipsteve
Жыл бұрын
It's annoying and somewhat of a turn off when women do that to me. It's like "I get it, you want more from me, you're feeling insecure, but you're just being annoying & wanting to take my time and attention from my day, while offering no value in this text".
@AB-lb4zv
Жыл бұрын
@@chipsteve i completely agree . I’ve encountered the same . It’s like they don’t have hobbies or things to do so they try and use me to occupy their time
@awakenedone7577
8 ай бұрын
So how would you expect women to talk to you and get your attention in an organic way? And how would you talk to a woman to get her attention in an organic way?
@benjaminfogler347
24 күн бұрын
This is genius. I reallyyy wish I knew this information existed or had heard of this before my last relationship.😕 Looking back, I definitely forced it, smothered her, and ultimately pushed her away. At least going forward I now understand to let things be, not move so quickly, and give her healthy space. I heard of you from the Diary of a CEO podcast and I appreciate your insight! It has been very eye opening!
@gcmoore5987
6 ай бұрын
Orion, I like how you've put this in the context of historic human development, rather than just a "game"...that men's and women's so called games are deeply rooted in human development and it is more expedient to accept our natures rather than going to college for twenty years in order to understand why.
@timber750
Жыл бұрын
One issue I have with Dr Orion's approach is his assumption that courtship involves "dating". Not necessarily. In a long life that included significant relationships with a number of lovely women, I never went on a "date" after high school. I doubt I am alone in this.
@cathtaylor8878
11 ай бұрын
The whole dating thing is socially constructed. I too wonder what the alternatives are. (Apart from arranged marriage). I never did the dating thing before I got married. Dating seems so convoluted!
@MarkRobinson-yk2cr
6 ай бұрын
Yes you Sir nailed it!!!! 58 years old girl friend 19 I mastered this technique 15 years ago and it has played out exactly how you described it to be she now understands the nuances of retaining a relationship with a man of value
@dzllz
Жыл бұрын
This is spot on man. Needed this reminder. Thanks 🔥
@dianadias3
11 ай бұрын
It's so reassuring to know that women's insecurities actually mean the relationship is going good.. Most of the Times
@mtlicq
Жыл бұрын
A+ for this presentation!!! Perfection !
@brettwheeler7753
2 ай бұрын
It's like Christmas morning: part of the excitement is that it's once a year. If it was every day, you'd soon come to disdain and avoid it.
@holeymcsockpuppet
Жыл бұрын
Men mess up new relationships by getting into them. Stop playing the rigged game. Stop being settled for. Guys, you do you, work on friendships and purpose. Find balance and joy.
@yourfavoriteentertainment
Жыл бұрын
Being settled for? What's wrong with being in a relationship iif you take your time with getting into one and everything is fun in the dating stage? Just don't make her the center of your life. Women are an extra, not an essential.
@sansabh
3 ай бұрын
Orion, you are one of the most lucid people on KZitem 👌👍
@josha4913
Жыл бұрын
Dammit Orion, at this point I have to watch all your videos before even thinking about another relationship 😂 another useful video, thanks for sharing.
@tiberiujinga6553
5 ай бұрын
Thank you for all the work, really helpful and clearly formulated!
@nikochitashvili4704
6 ай бұрын
Top-notch episode, absolutely brilliant!
@emZee1994
4 ай бұрын
Needed to hear this! Thank you Dr. Taraban
@domdraper3221
3 ай бұрын
Dude every aspect of this is rubbish. If a female is into you you have to try pretty hard to mess it up. Don’t let people tell you that as a guy you’re at fault if things don’t work out.
@scocassovegetus
Жыл бұрын
He's 100% correct. No matter what a woman says, a man has to 'play the game' if he wants her. It's bullshit, but that's what he has to do. He basically has to pretend to be someone else. He wants to call her, but he must not do that and to hold off and call her a number of days later. Call her too soon, she'll run away. Want to hang out with her too much, she'll run away. She'll be more attracted to a guy that is indifferent. The guy might be thinking of her 24/7, but he should not contact her, why? Because she is NOT thinking about him. She doesn't care about you. Plenty of other guys hanging on her. Contact her after a week or more, so that her mind might wander over to thoughts about you, 'hm... I wonder if he'll call me, I wonder if he likes me, he seemed to like me...' but more likely she has forgotten about you and when you call her after a week or so, she's surprised, 'oh, I almost forgot about that guy, I thought he wasn't into me, but he has surprisingly called me, oh, how exciting'. It's totally irrational and genetically programmed into them. The more you contact them, the more you spend time with them, the more they'll run away. That's why they're so attracted to the jerks that don't care about them at all; the guys that never give them a second thought. The nice guy calls her, asks her out on dates, wants to spend time with her, talk to her, get to know her, etc., while the jerk doesn't, never calls, doesn't care... she'll run to that jerk because 'why doesn't he like me?? He must be popular with women, he must have lots of other women going after him..." who knows what kind of crazy irrational thoughts go through their mind, doesn't matter, because it's all a game. A guy cannot express his true thoughts and feelings because that will just make the woman run away.
@asdzt123
Жыл бұрын
Not sure about this advice. In this day and age a woman has dozens of potential partners queuing to date her. If she likes you there's no point in going around dating other people until she misses you, her supply of candidates is infinite thanks to dating apps. If you act too uninterested she probably will date a bunch of those other guys and will forget about you in the process. I wouldn't text her too much, but for sure I'd propose a plan to her for the next weekend. Strike while the iron is hot. If she needs to explore and says no a couple of times I'd move on and forget about her. If she later comes back that could be ok...or not, depends on you to decide if you like "explorers" or not.
@psychacks
Жыл бұрын
This works even better with women with options. The lack of pursuit makes you stand out among all her other suitors.
@TILLEYJS
Жыл бұрын
@@psychacksexactly. Men and women can definitely smell desperation. It stinks.
@killjoyredux8361
Жыл бұрын
@@psychacksAnd for how long should people put up with it while she figures out her options? Until the herpes hits? You're just advocating for the same stupid games that have gotten us where we are, but with a psych-veneer.
@Pccart1121
Жыл бұрын
@@TILLEYJS Certainly there has to be a middle ground between texting and calling excessively and other needy behaviors and just going no contact with the hopes she’ll remember you out of the numerous other dudes she’s talking to and circle back.
@TILLEYJS
11 ай бұрын
@@Pccart1121 the thing is.... If she's actually into you, there's never a question. They'll be communicating with you incessantly. Generally, if she bitches about your communication, she isn't into you.
@Mybrothafromanothamotha
3 ай бұрын
First of all, intriguing to hear about how 2 year Olds explore and return to mommy... mine left when I was 2 and didn't exsist until I was 20. Hello abandonment issues 🙌🏾 that being said, I learned at 38 how that caused me to be a nice guy, smothering women I value and thus unable to find a match that suits me on any level. 😢 this CANNOT be explained any better than this video.
@rhenriksen
9 ай бұрын
Fantastic advice. Parallels Corey Wayne, but I appreciate the academic foundation, shorter/concise format, and delivery. I wish this sort of info was so easily accessible 40 years ago!
@greenapplegirl6018
3 ай бұрын
I am a woman, I'm not sure how I got recommended this but it was interesting to watch another perspective. I have read the comments and since I haven't seen anything like this yet, I want to say - this kind of advice would not work on ALL women. In fact, I personally like when someone messages me after a date to say they have enjoyed it, immediate reassurance we are on the same page. This is because I am more reserved and shy about these things so have always felt more comfortable with people who were confident enough to take that step being forward and would slowly reciprocate. I can say I have actively gone off people who act unbothered as to me it signals a lack of interest or a whiff of a "game" at hand - which turns me off them. Again only my personal opinion, buttt also hopefully insight that not all women are looking for the same things!
@victorshavershian4043
Жыл бұрын
This came out in a good moment for me, I'm getting to know a new girl and would hate to mess up my chances
@hotlucky5622
Жыл бұрын
With that mindset you already lost
@victorshavershian4043
Жыл бұрын
@@hotlucky5622 🦸🏻♂️
@4XtraOrdinaryMen
Жыл бұрын
Welllll.... Fortunately, not everyone is the same so..... There's that
@Harry-q2d
3 ай бұрын
Top post. Easier to close the circle when grasping this point.
@hotlucky5622
Жыл бұрын
A relationship where the woman is "free to explore her independence" is called a situationship. If a woman can't tolerate the constrictive nature of a relationship with a man, she is free to become a friend with benefits, not "My woman". Can't have it both ladies. Either you're free or you're mine.
@laurengalan2760
Жыл бұрын
Independence is being single dependency is being a couple. I don’t think pursuing things I’m curious about creatively or intellectually or having different tastes detracts from the relationship.
@jejo63660
Жыл бұрын
I don’t believe you can start a healthy relationship without being in a situationship first. There has to be a period where both people are intimate, but also nonexclusive. If you jump from nonintimate and nonexclusive to intimate and exclusive, one partner is going to feel like they were forced into the relationship, which will be ultimately unhealthy for the relationship.
@hotlucky5622
Жыл бұрын
@@jejo63660 exactly. I broke it off early with a woman just because of that. She tried to force me into a relationship and it hadn't been a week since we met and started going out. The worst part, i was considering building a relationship with her as she ticked a lot of boxes. But instead of letting a bond grow naturally, she started by negotiating sex, playing games, manipulating and forcing commitment. I had to hit her with a "let's just be fwb". Desperation is repulsive.
@hotlucky5622
Жыл бұрын
@@rku1212 exactly, but many women treat a relationship as if it was still the early seduction/courting period. Can't be a freelancer and enjoy full-time permanent employee benefits.
@hotlucky5622
Жыл бұрын
@@laurengalan2760 i'm referring to some women that act like freelancers but still want to retain full-time benefits.
@domdraper3221
3 ай бұрын
A person trying to offer solutions for any problem, and puts the blame on one party, isn’t a person that should be giving advice.
@BabyBlue1308
7 ай бұрын
Great video! From a woman’s perspective, some of it seems obvious but it’s so true, and hearing it backed by phycological development is super interesting. Cause of that, the way you said “for a woman to come back, she kind of has to miss you” kinda made me laugh. I subscribed!!
@sandwich-breath
Жыл бұрын
I find the opposite is true… it’s the women I date that get clingy and feel anxious about courtship.
@Gabriel-g6q5b
7 ай бұрын
If I had seen this video two weeks ago, my relationship probably wouldn't have ended. You're right, we really mess up about this
@hugorabe4395
9 ай бұрын
Another great video putting a lot of advices into a understandable frame. Thanks for your work, Sir!
@secretshaman189
11 ай бұрын
Unfortunately, your information is very spot on! It is the romantic dance.
@ethanmiller5487
Жыл бұрын
Ahh yes the ole start relationships off with negative emotions trick, that'll work... How about no!! Do you even listen to yourself when you talk? If you want success in dating and in life, don't purposely create negative feelings for others. I honestly am shocked at how many people don't know that simple fact.
@killjoyredux8361
Жыл бұрын
Yeah...this is all just manipulation and bullshit.
@rudeawakening3833
9 ай бұрын
Facts - the good Dr . knows best … I can only wish that I heard this when I was 51 ; after being married to my hs sweetheart for 33 years , and trying to “ learn “ about the dating scene …
@axmed0207
Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Orion, for this wonderfull message!
@GroberUeberblick
Жыл бұрын
It means that she has the full control over the relationship, the common goals and the intimacy. But, that means you are her dog waiting outside or in the dog room until mummy comes home to play with you. Because in that moment you let her go, you also give her the leadership and she knows it. Ant that also means you have just friendzoned yourself.
@balasaravanan500
Жыл бұрын
Having options will solve this problem
@GroberUeberblick
Жыл бұрын
@@balasaravanan500 He is talking about relationships, not situationships.
@jannelove420
Жыл бұрын
I like when guys ask me to go out again when we still in the date, like I want to go x place next week with you, I know you’re going to love it, or something like that, if he ignores me after a date I will block him after two days, hate players
@GroberUeberblick
Жыл бұрын
@@jannelove420 Right, because this actually means caring to her. The man is invested in her and this means, he wants to make a long-term relationship out of it. And if she also thinks that he is right for her, she will just be able to wait patiently on him and the next meeting.
@jannelove420
Жыл бұрын
@@HimarariCancun and you know because you are a woman? I don’t need to lie
@mustecic
7 ай бұрын
This guy is genius 👏 I wish I knew all this 20 years ago, instead to learn about relationships in the hard way 😅 All videos are brutally true.❤
@healthguy79
Жыл бұрын
Keep it simple. If you want to see her again, just be honest. Stop this timing between texts or this delay between contacting her for days. If she gets a bitch fit because you contacted her to soon then it means she's not for you. Don't get used tu feeling uncomfortable just because you're "supposed" to wait to contact her again. Just be authentic.
@dzllz
Жыл бұрын
Won’t work if your authentic self is sending needy texts and bombarding her
@zuibeckpulezon4626
Жыл бұрын
Just be AUTHENTIC and fart in every social public setting.
@zuibeckpulezon4626
Жыл бұрын
Men try like you refuse to accept women for what they are and instead hold tight to the ideal mythical women that's "FOR YOU"
@zuibeckpulezon4626
Жыл бұрын
If you own a cat and a dog you understand that you treat them differently, u dont try to force dog food on the cat...why is it hard to understand women have to be handled differently ???
@section9999
Жыл бұрын
How I wish this was true... I've been shooting myself time after time with that mentality. Relationships that would have worked out otherwise have gone to hell for being too authentic when it came to my feelings for her. My working theory now is be yourself but better and don't talk about how you feel about her. Avoid it for as long as possible until you can tell she's really into you. I don't really know what to do after that though but based on most of these comments you've then got to breadcrumb the shit out of her and hope you don't lose yourself in the process. You'll end up wasting a bunch of time feeling empty and hitting dead ends but only then will a solid woman give you a chance to make a fool of yourself. Lmao.
@wayando
2 ай бұрын
Very interesting insight ... I always suspected this dynamic. I just got confirmation now.
@cameronraine8258
Жыл бұрын
Describing my current situation perfectly! Thank you :)
@david22591
Жыл бұрын
Brilliant. Love your videos. I've found when a woman distances herself, backing off myself and not contacting them, they will come back. Conversely, chasing them makes them run further away possibly to the point of no return..
@ggus1991
10 ай бұрын
The more I hear advice like this, the more I realize it's targeted for people with insecure attachments
@Moomtaz
10 ай бұрын
A really bad divorce or break up resolved this. When you immerse yourself into your own success women start in the relationship with the idea of does he even have time for me. When you know you have options, lots of options it really gets easier. When you don't care, you have the advantage.
@paparadeliko
Жыл бұрын
I mostly agree at 7:20 until 8. Sometimes being authentic if you liked someone and letting them know, if it doesn't comes from a place of neediness, will still make her run back. U say what u want freely, u don't chase, then u give her space, n usually she will come back with the "do you still love me?", instead of wondering, which is also very effective, just to be clear. All am saying u can make both of em work, just by not being needy
@FrankM
Жыл бұрын
I agree. Honest communication that you enjoyed her time is not neediness. It signals your genuine interest. But if the woman is lukewarm or doesn't respond, then you have your answer to not even continue investing your time and energy into her.
@psychacks
Жыл бұрын
Groucho Marx had a joke: "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."
@Pauliey365
Жыл бұрын
(Going through a divorce, but im dating/going to therapy weekly) I feel like when achieve my dating goals (dates, conversations, intimate/romantic contact) my mind shuts down and that I no longer want it. It's not the same thing as "when I get what I want, I want something new/else." It's a weird feeling. I get demotivated and question myself : "Why am I even doing any of this?" Then I shut myself off from all the women I'm dating/seeing. Everyday I get better at.not feeling this way. But it feels like I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself at times.
@clarascully68
Жыл бұрын
You might have an avoidant attachment style. Attachments are created in our early years and avoidant is an insecure one. Research John Bowlby, it’s interesting stuff.
@hafluq2979
11 ай бұрын
In my first relationship which lasted just a few months I talked to her after we broke up and she said the main thing for her was the pressure she was feeling from me. I was living in a different country and we would call each other every day until she got a job which kept her busy for most of the days. My main problem with her was that even though we would call every day before she got the job, she would always hang around with her ex who she deems as her best friend. For me, personally, this was a very uncomfortable and there would be times she would send me pictures and clips of them together oblivious to how I'd feel and I would just get mad. I know now that the most mature thing for me to do at that point was to break up with her but as it was my first relationship, I had hoped she would be the one and that this could be solved. Still, it had affected me that I wanted to know where she was all the time and questioned every time she needed to hang out with him. Then when she got a job, she would always hang around with other men and particularly one guy who I knew she liked. I knew then that the most mature thing to do was break up with her but I didn't. I just got even more mad and she felt even more pressure that I wanted to know where she was all the time and even accused her of being online while I messaged her. It was petty and she ended things altogether, wanting us to remain friends. At that point the most mature thing for me to do was to cut her off from my life and move forward. And that's what I did.
@donh1572
5 ай бұрын
This concept works like magic for me with women!
@QWERT-xp3qt
4 ай бұрын
great video. this is why we must have a strong frame as a man. thank you
@Xpressnorton
6 ай бұрын
Love this capsules of very powerful information, based of my experience, everything you said is so true! 👌 In my case I'm single by choice and I want to commit to a woman I truly like, however I kinda act differently when I'm with a Woman I truly like, thanks to information shared in this video I will have more data to continue 😊
@pamelajensen5961
Жыл бұрын
As a woman that truly enjoys space and missing people I 100% agree with you. I date both genders and whenever men and women are constantly following up with me and messaging me It definitely reduces my desire because I’m not missing them. You can’t desire someone you already have. To me that anxiety is excitement. I’ve always been very good at creating and holding space in these situation’s, unfortunately it’s rarely a two-way street.
@WateringDNami
Жыл бұрын
So you only respond or talk to them when you feel like it???
@KucheKlizma
3 ай бұрын
Secure base is from Bowlby/Ainsworth's Attachment Theory which is based on Darwin's evolutionary biology, control systems theory and object relations theory. I think Mary Ainsworth was a developmental psychologist.
@lrobayo
4 ай бұрын
Nah, every person's social needs are different. With that being said, a man must search for a woman that is at least 0.7:1 of his needs, otherwise, it won't work. I just broke up with a girl who (granted she works three jobs and has a 9-year-old) only sees me once, or if I'm lucky, 2x a week (with me being responsible for initiation e.g., ask for her permission, drive to her place, work around her schedule, etc.). During that time, it's mostly a sleepover with 1 hour of legitimate interaction. Rarely did I actually spend quality time with her, like, you know... how an actual couple wants to spend time getting to know their partner. I asked her to take the reins of initiation, for her to show interest...she didn't want to put forth the effort. "It is what it is" is what she told me. I didn't like that. I have too much self-respect to be belittled by a person that is supposedly telling me that she loves me and only wants to do the relationship her way e.g., text and phone calls. Fuck that.
@squareff255
2 ай бұрын
Really wish I’d listened to this 2 weeks ago. But I’ll know for next time
@Steven-iv1ie
Жыл бұрын
It fits sickeningly well with my own experience. Thanks doc, I guess...
@errorerror1337
Жыл бұрын
This is a VERY delicate art form
@methamathematic
9 ай бұрын
God bless You, Orion! Thank you!
@queenj.8i895
Жыл бұрын
MEN MESS UP RELATIONSHIPS BY BEING INAUTHENTIC & BY PLAYING GAMES. Just be yourself, be real, be honest, COMMUNICATE, & the right person will love & appreciate all of it. God bless 💎
@ShadowbannedAccount
Жыл бұрын
How old is your marriage?
@canemcave
5 ай бұрын
There are insecurities that never go away, it can be a permanent not just an initial problem
@jaynsilentboom
9 ай бұрын
"Damnit man, I DONT HAVE THE POWA" - My separation anxieties
@groopmmex
3 ай бұрын
Wonderful analysis
@btwthblood
5 ай бұрын
Orion,....this is amazing. Makes sense to me!
@adilkabani4492
Жыл бұрын
Only solution is 4 wives, in 4 locations.
@timshaq520
Жыл бұрын
Just found your yt and wow! So much value you truly are helping men!
@jjohnson6471
Жыл бұрын
I love that in a lot of your videos, you equate women to children and it’s 100% accurate
@user-gu6vf3je1d
6 ай бұрын
Because you act act like our sons.
@jjohnson6471
6 ай бұрын
@@user-gu6vf3je1d what?
@Sorry2701
Жыл бұрын
Why it's always tolerating insecurities, why it's not embracing securities? Insecurities hurts a man right? Why can't they feel our pain? You know tolerating will lead to something like monkey dancing over your head right when you give them just space beside you to sit. Insecurities shouldn't be tolerate rather it should be secured.
@arturocardona140
Жыл бұрын
We know why even if society likes to pretend it isn’t true. Men are the doers. We hunt, build things, and get stuff done. Women are the receivers, acted upon, and need to be gamified to have access to. The last part is why you go off of what works and not what people say ‘should work’ or claim to want. The more access to more women the higher your status or fitness. It’s okay if you’re unable to clear the hurdle it’s kinda pointless to some degree. But if you can train yourself then you’ll be able to clear many hurdles with a fraction of the effort. We (average men) start off very under leveled and struggle with the basics but if you can keep on going eventually you just end up running circles around the basic ones which make up the majority of the ‘dating’ pool. We didn’t choose this game. We were born into it and need to play to win. Learn the rules, make mistakes, and git gud! If you don’t even try or don’t adjust your strategy then you stay in last place and feel like a lose (idk, maybe? Some just go MGTOW). Once you land a few it’ll feel like NG+ to wrap up the analogy.
@mielenalkemiaa
Жыл бұрын
Sure, that is inner work, becoming more securely attached in yourself.
@philipramsden4975
4 ай бұрын
All facts. I don't let it bother me that this one woman I'm talking to might not message me a day or two. I have my own things to do anyways. When she does get back to me, everything is good. Women hate feeling smothered, plus it makes you look needy.
@erikdrake6317
3 ай бұрын
I wish I would have seen this video a couple of months ago!
@jackm.1628
Жыл бұрын
Dr. Taraban, I am a huge fan of your videos, but I really wish you would concentrate more on other topics, like discipline, well-being, motivation, etc., instead of relationships.
@jillianroselovesfilmandchurros
5 ай бұрын
I listened to see where I might need to have more grace for suitors. 9/10 times I cut them off because I am not being contacted often enough. So they will have a conversation with me about them having feelings but I can’t return those feelings because for me it was always too little too late.
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