The "Long Game" does work with a avoidant. Around the 9th to 1 year mark you start to realize you deserve better in life. In the long run the "Long Game" has it's advantage, you start to love yourself, you know things will never work with an avoidant because you have to play long games to get them back, while at no time does the avoidant do anything to better themselves. By all means play the "Long Game", you'll become secure in your attachment style. Oh and when the avoidant comes back after needing their "space", you want nothing to do with them.
@walkertranger5746
2 жыл бұрын
Please let this happen to me soon. I love her too much. I definitely love myself. My tenacious behavior and the fortitude to never give up compels me to fight for the relationship. But if she isn’t doing the same…. My persistence is futile .
@azurebapiaries6730
2 жыл бұрын
Words of wisdom Rolo!!!
@alaalfa8839
11 ай бұрын
Unless you start loving strategies and techniques more than people around you. that you lose love and empathy for people, but not love for techniques. You didn't mention you wish the person to find happiness anyway no matter whether the person stays single or with someone. the person has probably parents. and you will probably have kids and wish someone respected you as a father as well as your child because you invested a lot of energy and emotions into your child. You focus in comments on what other person does, feels but not on your own moral values thoughts feelings etc. The problem is that people treat their partner as some property nota s a human being. they deserve empathy even if they have some flaws, that they just need to unlearn and find purpose.
@SeaBee1223
2 жыл бұрын
I’m not trying to get any ex back. I just want to learn and win the game.
@yasministryhealing
2 жыл бұрын
Did you win?
@Nimita_sg1
2 жыл бұрын
So, you played him/her?
@kaleblowery14
Жыл бұрын
You just move on you win by not playing
@KellySilverioli
5 ай бұрын
Same here
@carolinether3306
2 жыл бұрын
It works. It works. And yes, it takes months.
@phenglor561
Жыл бұрын
All of these games…. Damn. Find the strength in yourself to find a “secure” attachment style person so that you won’t be in these toxic games with each other of an avoidant. An avoidant will only mess you up, mentally, and you will lose yourself if you haven’t already. An avoidant needs to know that they need to fix themselves and want to be fixed to take the steps and fix themselves. Once fixed, they can get out of this cycle of toxic love and can love and be loved in a healthy way. If they cannot do that, then it will be a struggle for them to love and for people to love them in a healthy manner.
@mayie2234
2 жыл бұрын
THis is awesome, Chris! Can you please talk about each one of the strategies you talked about separately? Unless you have already done it. I know you have about the no contact rule, not sure about the others. Especially the last 3 ones. Would be great to hear more about them.
@QueenZsWorld
2 жыл бұрын
thank you for keeping it real & not being afraid to call out the flaws
@majd61
2 жыл бұрын
Please Chris make video about an ex who went back to their ex and used you as a rebound temporary relationship
@jenaskye1567
8 ай бұрын
Can you touch on FA - Limerence Affair? My FA h is having an affair after 10 yrs together- marriage & 2 kids. He says hes never felt like this before & he is so in love & has totally villanized me and our history. Love your work on attachment styles! Keep it up!
@BuzzBoar
6 ай бұрын
Omg same!!
@theseahag6639
2 жыл бұрын
I'm so tired of this. None of this stuff works, there is no making someone come back after a breakup, it either happens or it doesn't but there's nothing you can do to make it happen, anyone asking for money to tell you how to make it happen is scamming you.
@BabyFaceRose
2 жыл бұрын
Well be patient ..
@shelly4012
2 жыл бұрын
I agree, wouldn’t pay anyone money who claims to help you get your ex back. I look more for strategies to help me be my best self and how to move on but also gain insight on approaches if/when an ex reaches out and I’m interested in talking again. But no “get your ex back” games!
@dylanmann328
Жыл бұрын
To be fair to this guy, he does not guarantee success and he promotes self-improvement through the process. Speaking for myself, watching all his free content is helping me understand why my last relationship ended and moving forward from it
@beccf.s.8012
Жыл бұрын
@@dylanmann328🎉🎉🎉🎉
@priyankagiridharan8293
2 жыл бұрын
This is exactly the video I needed! Just a few days ago we flirted and sexted for a bit (which he initiated after a great phonecall conversation we had) but the next day he said that it felt weird because he wasn't sure what he wanted and said we need to take a break and to not be in contact with each other for a while till he figures out what he wants with regards to relationships as well as his work life and other stressful stuff he's going through. I told him I needed time to think and respond to whatever he said. I was thinking of telling him that it's ok for him to take the break if the space helps him and we can both use this time apart to figure out our own lives. I hope that'll be enough to tell him for now. I hope the distance apart now brings us closer in the future. But even more than that, I hope that we both get to grow in life in general. Thanks Chris!
@vanitysmurf5145
2 жыл бұрын
Update? The same thing happened to me!
@priyankagiridharan8293
2 жыл бұрын
@@vanitysmurf5145 Well we haven't talked for a month but we do see each other's stories and I see him liking posts etc, so that's the only connection we have right now. All the best, fam.
@vanitysmurf5145
2 жыл бұрын
@@priyankagiridharan8293 When do you plan to talk to him?
@priyankagiridharan8293
2 жыл бұрын
@@vanitysmurf5145 he was the one who asked for space so he should be the one to talk to me. So I'm just focusing on myself and also open to other options. Let him come to me on his own. But it depends on ur situation. Just do what ur intuition tells is the right thing for u. Follow ur gut feeling.
@vanitysmurf5145
2 жыл бұрын
@@priyankagiridharan8293 In my case he didn't ask for space. He just ghosted and hasn't talked to me for 2 weeks now. He's an avoidant and probably confused. When do I reach out next? Idk if I have the patience for him to reach me, cus he probably never will being an avoidant.
@יעלקליין-ג8ד
2 жыл бұрын
Great video Chris. Thank you ❤️
@mpawl1524
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks Chris, but what about fearful avoidant that is in a rebound
@StarsStars714
2 жыл бұрын
Yes , let's talk about that Chris.
@chrisseitercoaching
2 жыл бұрын
Probably the best way to think about it is if they are in a rebound relationship they are doing everything possible NOT to confront the grief associated with your relationship. So, they use the other person to cope.
@mpawl1524
2 жыл бұрын
Thats for replying Chris Seiter
@stu713
2 жыл бұрын
Hey Chris, after 6 months her social media has been really sad and depressing posts after months of positive / happy posts. Is this a sign of dumpers remorse setting in?
@robertbenedek4463
2 ай бұрын
Just a simple question: if you are anxiously attached, why on earth would you like to have your avoidant ex back???
@fatimeshahin5936
2 жыл бұрын
I’m on a day 60 of NC but I feel like I’m gonna break it.🤦🏻♀️ I really focused on myself and made positive changes. I post only positive things on social media and didn’t beg, plead etc. A perfect NC and breakup response. But he hasn’t reached out. I feel like there’s nothing to loose if I break it now it’s been 2 months. But I really don’t know how to initiate and if I do it I need to be prepared.
@kayladavies1547
2 жыл бұрын
Fatime! I am not good at no contact. I have texted/called my ex everyday last month & this month.
@fatimeshahin5936
2 жыл бұрын
I haven’t texted him, not even once.
@kayladavies1547
2 жыл бұрын
@@fatimeshahin5936 you're good! What's the secret to go that long? Also, what's your FB or IG name?
@fatimeshahin5936
2 жыл бұрын
I have no idea why but my replies aren’t added.
@kayladavies1547
2 жыл бұрын
@@fatimeshahin5936 I need to meet you! Anybody will your will power is the greatest! You inspired me to begin the no contact rule. But I need support.
@SoupcatMan
2 жыл бұрын
My ex was reaching out to me over the course of a year (including I miss you's and nostalgia). She's in a relationship with a guy at this point and I wasn't healing (No contact never really happened besides for 1 month in the beginning). So I told her to stop talking to each other and I put her in my ignore/spam folder. This has been 6 months now and she still likes my instagram posts. I don't know if she ever reached out because of the way messenger filters the messages. I don't think I'm over the breakup yet and I don't know what to do. 7 year relationship with engagement. We're in our late 20s. I want to give up but I don't know how.
@vanitysmurf5145
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe try to have like an open dialogue with her about how it is making you feel. If she's an anxious attachment style person then it is likely she is going through hell. If its possible you have feelings for her still, maybe you owe it to yourself to find out. Try not to have any regrets in life. If there is even a part of you that still wants her back then talk to her about it. If you think you can reconcile with her then give it a try. The fact that you're watching such videos tell me that you still have a soft corner for her. So take a chance and talk things out. If anything you'll probably get closure out of it and you'll be able to finally heal right. ♡ Lots of love and prayers. I hope you find happiness. :)
@Jakuboooooooooo
Жыл бұрын
0:22 so basically after no contact, it’ll take on average around 3 to 7 more months? Or is he talking abt in total (including the no contact period)
@beccf.s.8012
Жыл бұрын
I did the conversation strategy. He contacted me on day 17 of no contact and I did everything it is recommended. I cut it short politely and very nicely and he hasn't contacted me back. I know this is different for both of us. We always had an ongoing convo no one would break. But, I'm showing I have other priorities now (which I do) and I won't sit to just wait for an answer. He reaches out, I answer super nicely and give very little info. I sound happy, excited, and busy with my social life and business. He stopped initiating or contacting as a whole. I'm stuck. This is day 24th. I pulled back and will stay quiet. It's tough but, I'm committed to the process for me , my dignity, and self respect. I am unsure what happens next.
@sindhusekar1918
6 ай бұрын
Update?
@beccf.s.8012
6 ай бұрын
He contacted me back day 27th to invite me out for dinner. I thought about accepting but, he never expressed desire to reunite to talk about anything that happened, and us going different directions. He knew I wanted a relationship. He never expressed he wanted to restore what we had, or start over, never called, never said he missed me . He acted as in nothing happened being all extra polite & bubbly. (Every 2 weeks he STILL contacts me. If I am short he keeps on looking for ways to talk.) Going back to day 27th of NC his lack of acknowledgement that something's happened actually bothered me & I mentioned I wasn't interested in continuing providing friendship and company. That if I wasn't enough for a relationship I wouldn't be around to provide company. He insisted. But when he realized I didn't want to, he said he was trying to only be friends but okay. I wasn't interested in friendship so we went back to NC. Probably a month after he contacted me. Same outcome. Then every two weeks he would send a picture, a song from our favorite band, a message with a memory. Same thing, he would invite me out. When I objected that I prefer for us to have a conversation he insisted he only wanted to go out as friends that he didn't want to argue. I would go back to no contact and he would insist. I would explain my boundary and he would stonewall me. Until this year. He invited me to hang out with his friends. I said no. He said he was going on a trip. That he was seeing someone and he was going to go visit her hometown. I discovered he has been traveling with her every month to a different country. She lives abroad and they meet somewhere new every month. This has been going on since August last year. All this time he was trying to see me, invited me out for dinner, concerts, trips: he was already talking to her. After that I ignore him completely. I still can't understand why he continued contacting me if he if happy with her and never wanted me anyways.
@dalingtonashiegbu3068
2 жыл бұрын
What about if your ex blocked you everywhere⬅➡⬆⬇↗↘↙↖ since nine months now, what are you going to do about this
@beekhan3837
2 жыл бұрын
Im blocked since three months
@MrDimitros9
2 жыл бұрын
Chris you rock !!!!
@chrisseitercoaching
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks!
@tonileolion9702
2 жыл бұрын
Umm if he in a rebound I’m not getting back with ex at all
@tonileolion9702
2 жыл бұрын
@@tercsi1 hey hun I’m great … looking forward to the holidays and no complaints
@tonileolion9702
2 жыл бұрын
@@tercsi1 ohh noooooooo I’m so sorry … I really how u can pull it together this year to try and have a good holiday .. this too shall pass
@tonileolion9702
2 жыл бұрын
@@tercsi1 Awwww well it does hurt not being with the person u love but what’s stopping y’all from reconnecting after 7 months I think that was more than enough time to fully sit back and understand what u both want ?
@tonileolion9702
2 жыл бұрын
@@tercsi1 but if both of u worked on urself why not have a discussion about that if it’s what u both want eventually
@tonileolion9702
2 жыл бұрын
@@tercsi1 idk he could just be keeping his options open who knows but typically when u want someone ur not gonna wait forever to make a move . I know for me after 7 months I’d prob be moved on completely by now but that’s just me I believe time waits for now one .
@Saboramii
2 жыл бұрын
What if it has been 4 months since break up?
@lenachau5084
Ай бұрын
update?
@jenniferquevedo5491
2 жыл бұрын
Coach Chris what if it’s been 10 months since the break up but he will still hit me up to have sex week after week but I didn’t go. Even though he was with his new girlfriend and they broke up once already but got back together. How can I make this work.
@livinglife81
Жыл бұрын
Be careful i was doing this with my ex for over a year. It happened because I had an attachment style with him, or a trauma bond and let him use me because I loved him Our sex and friendship stopped when he met his new partner which has been 3 weeks ago The same time that we were last together Now he says we can't be friends because our sex was so good. Wtf? You will only start healing when it stops and moves out of your life
@drew8642
2 жыл бұрын
What are your qualifications and education Coach Chris Seiter?? It’s like a girls gossip group on here. A lot psycho babble mind gamin ridiculousness.
@danielcarroll1816
2 жыл бұрын
Ya I got an ex cheated on me with 5 men in the last to months before we broke up. I initiated the break up but she also chose to leave too. So both of us are the dumper and dumpee. I plan on getting her back, however she is in a rebound, living and working with him. Only new him for a month before living with him. A week or two to cheat with him. I have just started no contact today, 3.5 months after the break up. Throughout the time she went hot and cold, reaching out to talk about car insurance. And I have been changing...... hmmm what the advice on this lol
@danielcarroll1816
2 жыл бұрын
O and she is a good woman, never cheated in her life, never drank or parties..... now she does, completely changed and all her friends and family are moving away from her and now are starting to reach out to me. And are seeing through her lies
@vanitysmurf5145
2 жыл бұрын
@@danielcarroll1816 Is it possible she's going through something emotionally that is making her lash out like that and cheat with 5 men. I mean talk to her and have an open dialogue with her about where she's at and get her to slowly open up about what led to this point that she felt the need to be with different men. People likely make such poor decisions when they are going through something. But at the same time it is possible that she wants to lead this type of lifestyle and does not want to settle down yet and want to be young, wild and free. Until you don't understand her mindset, you won't be able to make peace with why it happened and you are likely to carry that resentment with you if you don't get your answers. And that will come out in passive agressive ways when you reach out to her. Instesd take a break from her and when you finally feel ready, build a rapport with her. When you feel her ready to open up about it and talk, talk to her about this and try to get her point of view. I hope you find the answers you are looking for and happiness. :)
@nomsab9131
4 ай бұрын
I hope you left for good. 5 men in 2 months?! No excuse good enough to make that okay
@GHSTRDR1975
2 жыл бұрын
Hi my gf just broke up with me after 11years the no contact is a bit hard to do as we have kids any other solutions she is slowly moving on & has met someone i do want to get her back ive already started to do better myself but I need to get my family back need advice
@beccf.s.8012
Жыл бұрын
You should've married her. 11 years and kids? She wasn't interested in getting married? What ended up happening? I hope you both are doing great!
@turdledive927
2 жыл бұрын
Doubtful this will work, but fuck it
@jb3558
2 жыл бұрын
how about 8 years???
@jb3558
2 жыл бұрын
What I have learnt about a relationship over such a long period of time is probably second to none! So short times will rarely produce a potentially lasting relationship
@phillipphill2008
2 жыл бұрын
I need help,, my ex split up with me 2 weeks ago, I haven’t gone no contact, Yesterday she opened up and and said she didn’t think “us” was working but didn’t give persific reasons… She said she still loves me more than any other man she’s ever met and she thinks I’m wonderful.. wtf! Why’s she letting me go then? Then she said Shes really sorry but Shes not changing her mind. And said she think it’s hugely beneficial to stay friends as I’m she thinks I’m so great… I don’t want to be demoted to friends. What on earth can I do?
@Hbosstowing
Жыл бұрын
Chase and play games 6-7 months while she getting plowed ??? Bahahaha
@maryannemoll
2 жыл бұрын
This sounds quite manipulative.
@carolinether3306
2 жыл бұрын
it is about respecting their emotional needs (rythm) and protecting yourself at the same time.
@Kyle-pj2vc
Жыл бұрын
It's not. Relationships are a game, you don't want to commit too early, come off as needy, etc.
@_cesarjoseph
2 ай бұрын
If you don’t wanna play to get them then someone else will
@TheLazyLifterr
2 жыл бұрын
What if a conversation doesn’t end positively or negatively? I leave her on delivered for a few days and respond with nothing special. She seems to respond within 5 minutes. And I go ghost for a few days again.
@beccf.s.8012
Жыл бұрын
What ended up happening?
@TheLazyLifterr
Жыл бұрын
@@beccf.s.8012 well you grow up and you grow to realize life is bigger in perspective. I joined the Marine corps last year and left my hometown. Escaped my tragedies and triumphs. Left my past, in the past. I did not join because I was heartbroken, that I made sure of. I joined because of other reasons. But anyways, with the relationship in question, when I came back home on leave last December, I drunkenly texted her one night and met up for a “date” but really just to catch up with her, not really a date in either of our minds. I did treat it like a date, but It was most definitely not one. Anyways it went good, and I got some closure. That was the last I’ve seen of her. Came home in may, and had no desire to reach out. It’s been 2 years since our break up, and honestly you start to come to terms with that shit. Some things are out of your control, and all you can do is what’s important outside of that, and that’s who you are/who you’re becoming. Essentially how you respond. And if you look inward you’ll find the answers to your wrongings and where things went sour. I did, and now I’m healthy and more confident than ever that I may be in a place to take care of woman in a way that I’m proud of. After our breakup two years ago, I couldn’t have imagined being in the position I’m in today. Anyways that’s the update
@TheLazyLifterr
Жыл бұрын
@@beccf.s.8012 I hope you find what you’re looking for
@beekhan3837
2 жыл бұрын
This vdo will work when he unbloceked me ...hope soon 🤩💖
Пікірлер: 109