"It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first."
@letsgoBrandon204
2 жыл бұрын
It's been difficult for the last 37yrs!
@greengame9713
2 жыл бұрын
Miyamoto Musashi
@rahul_ji21
2 жыл бұрын
@@letsgoBrandon204 😅
@gordo6908
2 жыл бұрын
@@letsgoBrandon204 this but unironically
@BrianGivensYtube
2 жыл бұрын
@@letsgoBrandon204 Yeah, the first 37 years. The next 37 should be easier.
@awanturnik978
2 жыл бұрын
I love how he always gives practical, real life scenario examples.
@lntcmusik
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah I think so too. That way it's much easier. Helps me a lot to find a connection with abstract things.
@OMGITSJAD
2 жыл бұрын
I love when he breaks it down to a scientific way the brain works just cause it makes me feel like oh I'm not so stupid for not having the nerve to say Hi to someone. Someone saying "Just talk to someone it's easy!!" makes me feel dumb as rocks and makes me want to recluse even harder than I already do because obviously I must be stupid if I can't do something that's so easy.
@cayleece7890
2 жыл бұрын
Lol, the I liked the Bell Pepper 🫑
@beterraba_wojak
Жыл бұрын
I don't know, but I thinking it's because he read real people problems on the reedit lol
@awanturnik978
Жыл бұрын
@@beterraba_wojak and maybe because he is proffesional and not fake.
@josiahjackson3757
2 жыл бұрын
What helped me was realizing that being quiet and awkward draws more attention to yourself when the goal is the opposite. Having a confident conversation draws less attention and is better for everyone involved
@soultheconfusing9563
2 жыл бұрын
I might be stupid 💀 but can u pls elaborate a little more? I don't really get what ur saying here
@lumi5056
2 жыл бұрын
@@soultheconfusing9563 basically just talk whatever u want in ur mind. No one gives a fk about u. Humans are more selfish towards themselves. For example taking a group photo, everyone had a perfect photo but u were smiling so long for the photo that ur cheeks got sore and the smile is abit imperfect but no one pays attention about u unless u blinked during the shot. Tldr even if u stand out by doing something embarrassing. Most people wont be able to rmb them and even if they do why do u give a fk about what they think abt u
@LOLHAXGUN
2 жыл бұрын
@@soultheconfusing9563 when in the social situation the people are expected to talk and you don't you will stand out the most. They will be thinking along the lines of "whats up with them? do they feel sad/bored/awkward?" etc.
@josiahjackson3757
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah. What the last two said. Being quiet and shy in order to avoid attention is like trying to blend into a busy crowd so you dress up like a ninja for stealth
@princered10
6 ай бұрын
@@josiahjackson3757 The premise is flawed though because people avoiding conversation avoid the interaction altogether unless they're forced into it.
@humanbeans7952
2 жыл бұрын
Man this is right on time, I used to be very social but since covid all my negative beliefs about myself are flaring up bad getting in the way of socializing
@capitcha
2 жыл бұрын
This is weird to me because I am having the complete opposite effect on me. Ever since online school ended and I went back to in person school, I feel like I have a sudden boost in confidence and have lost all awkwardness and insecurities of myself. I used to think so much what people though of me before but now I don’t anymore. I know I didn’t care about it during online school because my camera and mic was off 99% of the time but did it somehow just transfer to in person?
@JewJupiter
2 жыл бұрын
1, I like the name, 2 I feel the same way. Right before covid hit, I was a senior in school, always hanging out and talking to my friends, but then the lockdown hall and it’s like I forgot how to speak to people and it’s been more awkward. It sucks because I feel like I’ve gained the ability to have a good conversation through text, but when it comes to speaking to someone in person, I draw a blank.
@Rustyknife1
Жыл бұрын
Socializing is a waste of time
@kfk4441
2 жыл бұрын
My mentality in college was : I want to get better at talking, so I'd try elaborate stuff, dumb stuff, weird stuff, emotional stuff, etc. It worked since I was more focused in trying stuff because I thought "there's a high chance I won't meet this person again and they forget about me so I'll grind some social exp for myself using them". Same as for talking to women, guess what, as Dr said it's the same kind of interactions until you decide to change the objective. Personally I like to chat with someone and then after a couple of days change my objectives, friendship? Relationship? I want to learn from them? Get a grindset gamers, and try to have fun at it
@yea885
2 жыл бұрын
lol social exp
@found_it
2 жыл бұрын
I like how he applies gaming concepts to real life situations
@jayleno1222
2 жыл бұрын
@@found_it Well tbh life is the hardest game out there. It’s pretty much just a huge hardcore sandbox MMORPG where you grind through tough challenges with only one life. I feel like there are certain people who can benefit greatly in life if they view it in that perspective.
@vasarat1
2 жыл бұрын
Sigma cringeset
@someobscuremusicchannel
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly, I actually never thought about it this way. Like, if you're playing a fighting game and you're in it to WIN, then you're gonna be mad if you lose, but if you're in it just to get better, then it doesn't matter if you win or lose, you'll be satisfied either way that you just gained some experience. That's actually a big part of how you get good at literally ANYTHING now that I'm looking back on how I gained skills at stuff in the past, don't be in it for the grand prize, just be in it to get better, and just for the fun of it.
@Moose92411
2 жыл бұрын
The biggest change I ever made in my social conversations was SLOWING DOWN. I used to try so hard to have a witty reply ready IMMEDIATELY, and I would definitely panic in those unpredictable scenarios
@jessp3478
2 жыл бұрын
I love how you addressed the fact that women are humans. It reminds me of my favorite quote from George R.R. Martin. When asked how he is able to write female characters so well, he replied, "You know, I've always considered women to be people."
@manuelsilva6244
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah but on average men and women experiences are different, even within men and women it's completely different the experiences they have in a country like America or in a country like Malaysia. Things that a lot of men identify with women don't and vice versa. I feel like there's a lot of things people think they understand from each other but they don't.
@joshparker5779
2 жыл бұрын
"I think of a man, then take away reason and accountability "
@jessp3478
2 жыл бұрын
@@joshparker5779 While I don't agree with the sentiment, I can't fault you for quoting Jack Nicholson. :v
@GAOMaster
2 жыл бұрын
blood came out of their vaginas tho
@mrdesperado9521
2 жыл бұрын
@@kunikuzushis the truth often feels gross
@weightmane1186
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. K scares me sometimes with the timing and topic of his uploads
@WanderTheNomad
2 жыл бұрын
I think a checkmark account copied your comment
@slushfest8475
2 жыл бұрын
Yep, that git has been copying people all over youtube
@Celine76488
2 жыл бұрын
XD he knows what's going on in your life and make svideos according to it 😂👀
@greatwavefan397
2 жыл бұрын
Like Psych2Go
@Christian-iu3lo
2 жыл бұрын
I found this advice useful. My normal excuse for not approaching with people is "I don't have a clear reason for taking to them". I never thought to set my "reason" or objective as seeing if the person is worth interacting with
@dickiewongtk
2 жыл бұрын
Same here
@JewJupiter
2 жыл бұрын
I feel the same way. But even if I set that objective to interact with them, I don’t know how to interact. Idk if I’ve trained my brain with the excuse that you mentioned, or I just need more practice. I blame the whole lock down for this because I feel like I was better at talking to people before covid😭
@niteshade2271
2 жыл бұрын
my biggest problem is, when someone wants to get to know me, i don't always convey myself correctly. sometimes i lie on the spot because i'm not sure how to put something in words right off the bat. sometimes there are multiple truths about me that i want to answer back but i feel forced to stick to what is relevant with the given context. it's hard to explain. i know i'm not doing it right.
@marija1922
2 жыл бұрын
i understand you completely! even now i want to add something to validate my understanding but i don't have the right words...
@whatcanidooo
2 жыл бұрын
I do this too
@capitcha
2 жыл бұрын
If you don’t want someone to know something about you, then don’t lie. Just simply avoid their question or ask them to stop. Lying about yourself is sure to bite you back later down the line, depending on what you said.
@nessie968
2 жыл бұрын
I've been alone for so long, that I'm almost sure I can't contribute anything to the conversation. It feels like not a single human would like to be my friend. Really hard to socialize with a mindset like that
@aaronkim5350
2 жыл бұрын
u'll get there bro
@nessie968
2 жыл бұрын
@@aaronkim5350 thank you, that's really sweet❤
@ElCocomega
2 жыл бұрын
@@nessie968 it seems like you're watching drK stuff, most people don't know of him BOOM ! You have something to bring to a conversation after all. And also a lot of people have lived a similar situation with covid BOOM ! you have people that can relate to your experience.
@beill1
2 жыл бұрын
Same w me. Like my brain is silent like what do you bring up and talk about or keep conversation going 😭 and I havnt done rlly anything in 2 years so it’s like can’t talk ab myself lMAO
@Aeiouaaaaaaaaa
2 жыл бұрын
@@beill1 Lots of people haven’t done anything in two years! You could bring that up because that’s a sentiment a lot of people can relate to. Or you could talk about things you like doing that you were or weren’t able to do, even if you don’t think it’s anything cool, because people like knowing what other people like!
@javi7636
2 жыл бұрын
As someone also on the spectrum, your explanation about the goal of conversation (and the ways that goal-setting fails) is a literal revelation. The analogy of it as a shared sandbox game is also really helpful, so thank you, very much. I actually had the opportunity to try out the new perspective today, shortly after I watched the video, and it went so much better than usual! It was more enjoyable, and I actually had a small back and forth with the other person, which rarely happens. It's definitely going to take some practice to do regularly, but I think I can do it. Thank you again.
@justified2065
2 жыл бұрын
The problem comes when you have to be witty or say something funny, people will most likely ignore you if you aren't saying something interesting or funny.
@brsajo
2 жыл бұрын
I think awkwardness can be funny if you don't over-apoligise for it
@LenCastagnier
2 жыл бұрын
why do u have to be witty or say something funny? MAYBE people will most likely ignore you if you're not saying something interesting or funny. but people DEFINITELY WILL ignore you if you're awkward af and uncomfortable to talk to. Don't FORCE being interesting or funny. you're gonna be more awkward that way
@justified2065
2 жыл бұрын
@@LenCastagnier I have been and have seen people saying non witty or unfunny stuff and you notice as time goes by that you eventually start losing ground, i'm referring to a company of friends scenario where everyone is talking.
@dickiewongtk
2 жыл бұрын
Those are shallow people. You do not want to be friends with them anyways.
@Rodrikilus
2 жыл бұрын
I usually never relate to most of Dr K’s videos but this one really hit close to home
@jules4919
2 жыл бұрын
I think this is more difficult when you have been bullied Idk I just can't go talk to a person without thinking they'll make fun of how socially awkward I am or that, even if I make a friend, they'll be my friends but I'll just be an acquaintance to them or Idk, something to laugh at It's fine and all to say "just try to talk to people", but I'm convinced that if I did it'll just be awkward, because it has been most of the time that I tried, and there's nothing that worsens more the anxiety than being right
@ohnotagain851
2 жыл бұрын
It's a brief interaction. My magnificent brain: Unless that person kidnaps you.
@EtamirTheDemiDeer
2 жыл бұрын
Surprise adoption
@Majestic469
2 жыл бұрын
"setting a goal that you don't know how to execute" that really resonated with me
@denescllopes8410
2 жыл бұрын
How I became more social: I got rid of a lot of conveniences, conveniences make me so lazy and antisocial but it make life so easy.
@anava7030
2 жыл бұрын
Would getting food delivered be an example of a convenience?
@freshlysqueezedorangejuice171
2 жыл бұрын
@@anava7030 i didnt understand what he meant but reading ur comment i think it is an example of a convenience, since getting food delivered these days barely requires interaction anymore, they can even leave it at your door
@danielarthur2915
2 жыл бұрын
What do you mean by conveniences? Like making up excuses not to do something?
@brEZ527
2 жыл бұрын
What do you mean by that tho elaborate
@denescllopes8410
2 жыл бұрын
@@brEZ527 If I need something I go myself to the place and interact with people, normal activities and simple conveniences.
@malazkarar1171
2 жыл бұрын
For my fellow awkward lads, "awkward silence" is not nearly as awkward as you think it is, honestly. Don't wrap your head around what the other person thinks of the silence, that's the key.
@elonmusk1010
2 жыл бұрын
This channel keeps me human
@ipoststuff6202
2 жыл бұрын
Same here.
@dashadow7865
2 жыл бұрын
@@ipoststuff6202 JEE de raha hai kya?
@ipoststuff6202
2 жыл бұрын
@@dashadow7865 Yes ;-;
@marsjokes
2 жыл бұрын
When are we going to Mars, Elon?
@EtamirTheDemiDeer
2 жыл бұрын
It’s too late for you Elongated Muskrat
@galahexie
2 жыл бұрын
Right when I need it. Thank you Dr.K
@csanadtemesvari9251
2 жыл бұрын
Köszi, hogy megemlítetted. Néha nehéz arra gondolni, hogy más is szenved ezzel, nem csak én :)
@galahexie
2 жыл бұрын
@@csanadtemesvari9251 Oh, a jó kis magyaros vezetéknevem elárult😂 Igen, megnyugtató, hogy nem vagyunk egyedül
@theamphibiousbicycle
Жыл бұрын
This was genuinely helpful. Usually advice about this topic assumes that being excessively worried about what other people think about you is the only reason for awkwardness. I can’t even get that far. I can’t even begin to consider what other people are thinking about me. I’m struggling to form sentences and give relevant and coherent responses that are socially appropriate. Not because I fear rejection or judgment but because I’m a human being who wants to interact with other human beings sometimes. Like yes, I really just need instructions for conversation. Not because I have overthought it but because I straight up don’t know how.
@CubensisEnjoyer
2 жыл бұрын
My own personal advice after overcoming this hurdle in my life: You really don't need a reason to ask somebody a question, even if you feel like you do. I always let conversations end because I felt it'd be weird to ask a different, totally unrelated question. As long as it's not inappropriate or weirdly targeted, just throw questions out there when they come to you. You'll quickly find that people are happy to answer your questions even if there's not a direct relation to whatever you were talking about. It will teach you how to pace conversations, when to let people keep talking, and when to pick up the conversation and move it elsewhere. Plus it sends a message that you are interested what they have to say and anybody likes knowing that. Once I stopped being scared to ask questions I became much more comfortable talking to people.
@aayzee3138
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. K, the hero we needed.
@TheTTrickz
2 жыл бұрын
Just wanna second this, thanks K
@kunstderfugue
2 жыл бұрын
But we didn't deserve!
@shaiuken7150
2 жыл бұрын
thirding this
@So_Iace
2 жыл бұрын
Dr.K "At the end of the day if you say something wrong, its not that big of a deal" WRONG I will lay awake at night 10 years from now like "Damn I said some stupid shit"
@eyjele
2 жыл бұрын
This is something I really needed to hear many, many, many years ago.... Especially the "it's not going to be the end of the world if the interaction goes wrong" part. Kind of assumed the goal of interaction is achieving everybody you talk to like you, at least not detest?... It's obvious now how destructive this thought actually is.... I'm so glad I heard something liberating. Thank you so much, Doctor K. Shocking how simple it in fact is and how life-changing for someone, who doesn't get social interactions intuitively at all.
@levibull6063
2 жыл бұрын
I'm on the spectrum Finally some advice that would benefit me xD I do find it very ... fascinating how I'm bad with big groups but I'm fine 1 on 1 depending if I'm comfortable with the person
@rudrarana526
2 жыл бұрын
Same man. It's difficult for me to even stand in a group but in a one to one conversation i am pretty good
@PL-kc4tm
2 жыл бұрын
It takes careful planning to speak after someone finishes but before someone else starts loll
@readingking1421
2 жыл бұрын
Found this channel through online acquaintances. Super glad they did, in depth discussions I can actually relate to make me feel a bit better.
@ShaunDreclin
2 жыл бұрын
9:46 I guess that's where I go wrong. Every social interaction I have it feels like I have to be "on" and do or say whatever it takes to make them like me cause I feel like the default position is people hating me and not wanting me around so I have to combat that every opportunity I get 🙄
@0715yt
2 жыл бұрын
Damn I felt that. It’s not hard to get people to like me but I feel that I try too hard in social interactions
@Zer0TheProdigy
2 жыл бұрын
“Just don’t share deez nuts” This man is a gem
@franacha
2 жыл бұрын
The problem with interactions is that there is few of myself than when it's my turn to share something I either have nothing to say or have something so pathetic and humiliating that I just don't want to. Interactions have always been out of reach for me. Ever since I can remember there was just never something to talk about. I can't make friends, I need other people to come and befriend me. (happened once in my life, strangely) I'll never be able to have a girlfriend. For obvious reasons and some more. I'll never do well in jobs, as connections are often as important as qualifications. I just don't understand how people can enjoy talking to other people, there's just nothing more stressing than that.
@linojvni2038
Жыл бұрын
hope you have been learning to get over your insecurities friend
@franacha
Жыл бұрын
@@linojvni2038 I haven't, no. They're part of who I am.
@Gwenx
2 жыл бұрын
As a "grill" or woman, Thank you for treating us as humans, haha! No but honestly its nice you default to woman instead of alienating the gender :) Also i agree on the "just talk to a woman like you would a man." there is no difference and they can make just as good friends as men can! And if your goal is to get a girlfriend or boyfriend, then don't try with that goal in mind, because that goal is coming across and it should happen naturally instead of being forced :)
@spl3013
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve lived in Italy my whole life, my parents meeting here and all that jazz. My dad is English and my mom is Japanese so they made me learn both. On the internet, it’s easier to fit in being an English person; so I’ve made English my main language over the course of the years. Thing is I kind of forgot Italian. I can’t finish a whole sentence usually because I forgot a goal and I’m pretty much friendless now… Relearning Italian is not an option as now I must learn French German and advanced Japanese, and I have tons of tests coming up. What do I do??! No one wants to talk to me and just sees me as awkward..?
@unutilizzatoreyoutubbicoca7749
2 жыл бұрын
move out?
@spl3013
2 жыл бұрын
@@unutilizzatoreyoutubbicoca7749 ahahah
@VictorCardena3
2 жыл бұрын
I mean I speak Spanish and am currently studying Italian recreationally, maybe I could help you out? I have the hopes of living in Italy one day.
@unutilizzatoreyoutubbicoca7749
2 жыл бұрын
@@spl3013 btw as you probably guessed im italian. your situation is kinda sad but are you sure it is the language and not maybe something else? edit: i could help maybe idk?
@spl3013
2 жыл бұрын
@@unutilizzatoreyoutubbicoca7749I don’t know but I didn’t have the same problem before I like, went to liceo (idk how to say it in English)
@krucell
2 жыл бұрын
I mainly struggle with anxiety of talking to a new person because for some reason I always want to make that person feel comfortable in the conversation when that just makes me more awkward and quiet, making me focus on what I;m saying more and not being as free resulting in the conversation being worse, I also hate the way my voice sounds and the embarrasment of voice cracks and like stutters, etc. I've struggled alot with social anxiety growing up especially with how often I was bullied. Now I'm in a school that has the most accepting community but the older I've gotten the more quiet, self-concious, and socially anxious I've gotten. When I'm in a class with my friends I open up a bit more because It feels like I have a support almost, but I'm still not my fully genuine self.
@Crispman_777
2 жыл бұрын
I've started thinking of conversation openers to fall back on when none come to mind. They're great for making it look like you're great at spontaneous conversation but don't require spontaneous imagination once memorised. Works for texting/chat rooms too. You can copy-paste them a really detailed opener and look super respectful of their time with zero effort.
@lliw4934
2 жыл бұрын
This actually is a great and fun advice !
@an6350
2 жыл бұрын
Just came back from a movie theater w a girl (i'm also a girl) and it was supposed to be a group thing but everyone else backed out. I kept bringing stuff up on the way there and back and she'd reply but not really help the convo. It was so awkward. And the worst part is she's pretty normal w other people, so i wonder if i just dk how to converse??? Ugh and then this was recommended lol
@thedarkestsunn
6 ай бұрын
One of the things my dad was phenomenal at was making conversation. Everyone he meets loves him (but yk cuz he’s my dad I’m like what are yall seeing lmao) but this man can literally roast you and your whole family but you’ll still find him so charismatic and it’s cuz he does NOT acknowledge awkwardness in the slightest. He’s a guyanese immigrant in Canada so he’s like you’re only getting what I can give so whatever I say I good enough (man kept his accent for 30 years and keeps going cuz he refuses to feel awkward about his accent)
@onlinechaosgremlin
Жыл бұрын
This is eye opening, I have realised that to have interactions at work os easy but in a social environment very difficult, this is a good reason why.
@mattb9664
2 жыл бұрын
As an introvert and omnivert, I've learned that it's important deal with jumping into the conversation as much as reasonably possible and not to worry about how others are perceiving you. Try not to be completely serious or impose a 'dark' tone onto others (I guess that's if your unhappy with your level of input you can typically communicate out since the introverts usually have that delay while we think before speaking, which is when others typically interject), and just understand that you probably aren't going to be the center of the discussion or even controlling the discussion. Try to get some humor in, but don't try being funny. Unfortunately our society progression has always been slanted towards the extroverts...they will always say that us introverts are 'valued' for our observations and whatever, and they like having us on the team for our opinion. Most of these interactions are somewhat predictable. It seems like a real life RPG!
@NiSE_Rafter
2 жыл бұрын
That's not necessarily anything to do with introversion though. True introversion is simply getting energy during alone time vs extraversion getting energy when with others. It has nothing to do with the ability to socialize. An introvert can be perfectly outgoing and sociable the way extraverts are often portrayed, but feel drained after such interactions. The extravert, in comparison would feel invigorated. It's 2022, we need to work through this dang misconception of introversion meaning shy with poor social skills.
@fakename3208
2 жыл бұрын
@@NiSE_Rafter y’all need to drop the introvert extrovert nonsense. It’s debatable whether or not that’s a real thing and regardless it’s not a helpful box to put yourself in. “Introverted” people find socializing tiring because they’re not used to or are bad at socializing. It’s like how people who never run get tired running a mile vs someone who runs multiple miles a day. But otherwise I agree with OP. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to chicken out. Just open your mouth and talk. I once took a class where I decided before it started that I was going to try and talk to everyone and answer every question and all that. It was amazing, I was the “extroverted” kid who talked to everyone and who the teacher looked at after asking a question. Night and day compared to my usual self sitting quietly in the back.
@mattb9664
2 жыл бұрын
I'll drop the introvert extrovert comparison when employers stop using Myers-Briggs tools to pre judge their employees, during hiring and after hiring.
@fakename3208
2 жыл бұрын
@@mattb9664 the same out of touch employers that want 2-5 years experience for entry level postitions? Besides any employer worth their weight in salt knows the guy they hired after the interview is never showing up to work.
@melitajay
2 жыл бұрын
@@fakename3208 introversion is definitely a thing. It's to do with the way the nervous system processes sensations.
@kallvt
2 жыл бұрын
I have only watched a few videos so far, but this is currently one of my favorite channels. I have been looking up to some different sources of knowledge in an attempt to better myself, on youtube I think two of the most impactful channels have been charisma on command and jordan peterson, and now healthy gamer is like a perfect blend of them (including some others that I don't know as much). He's closer to my generation and has, or at least understands, the same point of view of life; so in a way it's like a future version of me who has mastered life and now can give the best advice on how to go through it.
@welcometothehouse
2 жыл бұрын
As someone on the spectrum, I wanted to contribute my strategy for social interaction, since the original Reddit post mentioned the spectrum. Like Dr. K says, every interaction has a purpose. Any time I'm about to interact with someone, I ask myself what the goal is. Maybe I need their advice? Maybe I want to ask them for something? Maybe I just want to have fun talking? Once I have my goal, I can consider which phrases and tools I can use to accomplish this goal. Sometimes, situations change. Maybe when I started, I wanted to just chat for fun and talk about my interests. However, the other person says something like "yeah dude I love working out." My goal is now malleable, and I can pursue the lead they've given me. They mentioned it, so maybe they're trying to fulfill a goal of bragging about their workout routine? My goal now changes to "What is their goal? Can I take any advice from it?" From there, I can consider what to say to further my new goal. Conversation is fast-paced and intense for me, even if it's casual and meaningless, and is quite draining because I have to think so hard to get it done. It takes practice, and sometimes the willingness to experiment when interacting with a friend, which will then teach me something about talking to someone in my future.
@agaed7676
2 жыл бұрын
I actually practiced and learnt very simple conversation starters and ways to handle simple things like greetings at first. Since I am pretty quiet, when i moved to Switzerland only speaking English and french without an ounce of german in me. I barely spoke for my first few years because i would draw a blank in german since i only knew how to do it in english and french. So i translated and wrote down simple conversation starters, tricks and tips and other little things to work my way around the start of conversations. The rest of it was brute forcing it by forcing myself to use these things and watching and observing what people did and simulating how I would react in the same situation in my head.
@TheGreatShambala
2 жыл бұрын
Can you give a simple example of convo starters and how you used what you analyzed?
@agaed7676
2 жыл бұрын
@@TheGreatShambala simple questions like “what did you do last week?” “How was your weekend?” “Have you heard about A” Also noticing how different groups reacted to jokes, what kind of questions were okay in different, what people around me would discuss if they did discuss. Would they rather banter and joke around, were they okay with talking about more serious stuff. All kinds of little things. These are just some off the top of my head. Also remembering to try to answer questions with “yes, and” or “no, and”/“no, but”
@TheGreatShambala
2 жыл бұрын
@@agaed7676 Thank you this is very insightful. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to answer.
@ssj9devil
2 жыл бұрын
"that's why it's so easy to interact with people on discord because there's no expectation" me who has repeatedly blocked random people on discord because I was scared of the commitment of being online friends: o_o
@cornhub8823
2 жыл бұрын
I’m the exact opposite. parties and group hangouts are a breeze and I thrive in those environments. but as soon as I’m 1 on 1 with someone I turn into tobey from the office.
@shaverred1030
2 жыл бұрын
NO GOD! PLEASE NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO
@animeking17
2 жыл бұрын
1 on 1 is great for me because things get too messy in large group unless I know the group pretty well
@monfernova
2 жыл бұрын
Same - although I think that's more in a group convo you're less likely to get into stuff like insecurities, vulnerabilities or your true feelings
@malazkarar1171
2 жыл бұрын
I'm the opposite, i think group convos are tricky, they require guts.
@connorholmes8786
25 күн бұрын
LMFAOOO I love this I’m the opposite but I get it
@UCmDBecUtbSafffpMEN3iscA
2 жыл бұрын
Your topic about video games earlier and this video would boil down into one thing: We're being spoiled too much by our technology and grew too dependent on it
@DzondzulaKarakondzula
2 жыл бұрын
You can't accomplish everything by just rephrasing a thing in your head, though that is definitely a good thing to do. People who are awkward are afraid of social situations, afraid of embarrassment, afraid of rejection etc. The most important thing they can do is face those fears in small increments until you build up a resistance to those stimuli, after that you won't be tongue tied because you won't be hyper analyzing in order to evade what you're afraid of in social situations. This process is kinda like going to the gym but for your emotions/fears...
@offlineuser
2 жыл бұрын
Very good advice. Social skills are comparable to muscles, you actually have to invest time and effort into building them
@linojvni2038
Жыл бұрын
probably the most important advice in life for anyone struggling with any sort of fear or anxiety
@Ctrl_Alt_Elite
2 жыл бұрын
5:15 "Life is Dark Souls with no wiki" ~ Shomiyomi 🧠
@dkslsjjaksieowjwjqoqpqldhq7030
2 жыл бұрын
Cool video, the steps seem pretty simple and easy to follow!! I'm gonna try this with some of my friends and see how it goes. It's been getting hard to get our convos to flow lately, hopefully it'll work
@dkslsjjaksieowjwjqoqpqldhq7030
2 жыл бұрын
Thank u!!
@Randuski
2 жыл бұрын
Saw a few comments in chat saying things about hating small talk. Here's something fun i started doing, (don't remember where i got it from) once small talk has started, or someone says something, listen to what they say. What was the most interesting part of what they said? Focus on that. Ask a question about it, or relate to it in some way. Then when they say something else, what was the most interesting part of that? Focus on that. You just follow this thread of what is the most interesting. I have had some surprisingly deep convos in very small periods of time, and gotten to know people quickly this way. It's honestly kinda fun haha
@eirikmurito
2 жыл бұрын
I dont socialize much because because people i interact with can suddenly turn hostile and I have no idea what i said or did wrong..
@nemplayer1776
2 жыл бұрын
What if you don't like talking to people for the sake of talking to them? The only times I can ever enjoy a conversation (which is also the only time I can be charismatic and make people laugh, as opposed to being extremely socially awkward and anxious) is when there's a group activity we're all a part of and talking is just a side thing that adds to the activity but doesn't make the activity (for example playing a competitive multiplayer game, but it could be anything irl too). Anything other than that, and I'm completely useless doing basically nothing except waiting for the moment I can leave the situation and do something else. The best answer I can come up to this question is that I'm just not interested in meeting people, and more generally - I'm just not interested in people. I really do prefer being on my own. Now why do I like talking to people when the main thing we're doing is the group activity I'm not really sure. Maybe I do like talking to people, but I just don't enjoy life (or more exactly the usual way life goes) which is something you have to talk about if you're meeting people? No clue.
@ChiddyChiddy01
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe you just haven't found the right people? What if you met someone who had the same interests as you, would you like talking to them about it?
@dulla8469
2 жыл бұрын
i just cant socialize with girls, thats it, i was a popular kid at school, from the amount of people i socialized with and the way i did it, i was friends with alot of people couldnt walk anywhere without stopping and talking to someone, if its the teacher or janitor even, but girls are just a different breed man, i just stay there silently, and after noticing that im awkward i just decide to pretend that the girl isnt there, and just talk to the people i know who are in the group, even if its a girl who has a crush on me, and it was obvious, they'd try to sit close to me, start conversations, and i'd just instantly answer with one word or two, and just talk to another person as if im not interested Edit: i just reached the Grill Part...
@zamelie9399
2 жыл бұрын
I feel some stuff written in the post.!! YOU know what the WORST is? My boyfriend's dad is afraid that his son (and now me too bc I defended my boyfriend) won't earn lots of money later & not being able to apply for a job bc we don't have the know how. He comes to that totally wrong conclusion bc my boyfriend and I aren't the most active persons in small talk & conversations. We don't always reply with a full sentence to a story somebody else told us. We give them a chuckle or else but there is nothing for us to say. And bc of that his dad thinks we are failures and will not accomplish anything in life. I hate that his dad really believes that & is sad and furious bc of that and gets really upset about that; he doesn't listen to what we say and started insulting our way of being but not on purpose bc we insulted him not on purpose with just the way we are. i'm a quiet person but I still will make it in life....
@RKNancy
2 жыл бұрын
Social situations are always less awkward when you talk about the latest popular thing.
@bennymountain1
2 жыл бұрын
Just walk up to them and say "What up, gangsta?"
@iidanen700
2 жыл бұрын
I always approach the social situation with simply the goal of enjoying the interaction, with no intentions for the future. Kind of like a puppydog 🐶
@Brodysseus113
2 жыл бұрын
Tbh Among Us gave me the biggest boost in not being autistic. Probably 10% of everything I learned can be tied to being able to acknowledge the weaknesses of yourself and others
@elperronimo
2 жыл бұрын
That is both sus and cringe but its ok
@found_it
2 жыл бұрын
sus
@Brodysseus113
2 жыл бұрын
@@elperronimo Being emotionally neglected growing up is very cringe but not on my part
@kewkiex5328
2 жыл бұрын
There’s more to autism then just being socially inept…
@kewkiex5328
2 жыл бұрын
@@Brodysseus113 then why didn’t you just say sheltered lol
@madhumita4377
2 жыл бұрын
I feel good about myself after this video.... I can totally go and talk to anyone and I can text people from my school even though we don't really know each other. The only reason why I don't talk a lot is because I do it when I want to and I am content with people around me
@peterrosqvist2480
2 жыл бұрын
We’re so used to things being taken care for us we’ve lost the ability to operationalize, the ability to use abstract thought to solve a problem
@zants_
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe a dumb question, but I've been watching more of the videos on this channel lately. I've noticed the Last Donation seems to always be the $2 from alsoKbutnoDr; is that just broken or has it been that long since someone else donated, or is that just what it says by default if someone hasn't donated, or something else? (Also this video is super useful, but I finally had to get this question off my chest, lol.)
@kevinhammack3915
2 жыл бұрын
Any tips on eye contact? It’s really uncomfortable but essential
@Satsui_No_Hado
2 жыл бұрын
I just found your channel a month or so ago I continue to watch your content and you're now one of my favorite KZitem content creators, You're a phenomenal therapist and I truly believe that if you have a job and you can help one person life be better or help them see light where there was only darkness then you have a professional You are a professional you are successful and that your life has tremendous purpose, You on the other hand have helped thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people and I think that's really cool , just an appreciative subscriber 🙏 thank you for all that you do 🔥
@bonkersdonkers7381
2 жыл бұрын
I completely understand the point: you have to operationalize the task, which is conversation or socialization. In this case, the task of a conversation would be to get to know the person. But, what if you don’t want to get to know the person? What if you simply don’t see the point in this conversation? This is my problem. I’ll get invited to events or to socialize in a bar or a restaurant, but I don’t want to go, because I think it’s meaningless.
@annafilou
Жыл бұрын
If you don’t want to and you’re happy not interacting with people socially, then there’s no problem and nothing to fix. Do whatever makes you happy.
@-zod-4882
2 жыл бұрын
These videos really help me mentally 😥
@LinkSkywalker42
2 жыл бұрын
Huh. It never occurred to me that the reason my socializing skill is low would be the same as the reason I dislike sandbox games (*please* just give me a goal to accomplish). Open-ended problems and I go together like oil and water.
@ssscrm9828
Жыл бұрын
as dr k. mentioned in a different video, the more you think about being awkward, the more awkward youll be
@equiseleerre8
2 жыл бұрын
I have problems knowing when to talk, when to "hit the ball"
@daltonmaes5674
2 жыл бұрын
Dude your videos and the messages they send is divine timing as always!
@tylersmith9942
2 жыл бұрын
I love that he had to break down the word "operationalizing" into components in order to pronounce it, which the definition of that word he gave was literally about breaking things down.
@shawwww
2 жыл бұрын
thank u dr.k, grills don’t scare me anymore.
@LeeEverett1
2 жыл бұрын
One thing you didn't address is that too many people when they do socialize, go in with the expectation of that person liking/accepting them that when they have an awkward or negative encounter, it throws them off. Always go into socializing with no expectations and no Fs given.
@letsgoBrandon204
2 жыл бұрын
Chatting has to be the worst sandbox game ever invented. I wouldn't have played Minecraft if it made me self conscious and anxious while playing it!
@culturedvulture2015
2 жыл бұрын
Goddamn just when I needed it.
@wanderingrandomer
2 жыл бұрын
This honestly makes so much sense to me. This is how I've been for so many years. I never liked going out because I would just stand in the corner and not say anything. Like, I didn't see the point of doing it. Even know, I find myself asking "how the hell do I get into a relationship?" - I have no idea, really! And as Dr. K says, I'm great at completing a task that someone sets me, but not one I set myself.
@juans8356
2 жыл бұрын
0:26 "I don't know what that means, but you better get off it pronto."
@karolkowalski3842
2 жыл бұрын
Hey guys remember when WALL-E was a sci-fi movie?
@wut_horse
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you!! . literally perfect advice idk how ive never seen it now!!
@adamm5107
2 жыл бұрын
I agree with Doctor K that one should talk in the same way with women/men. However, I can't help but to treat most of the girls I meet like "the one". My social circle is pretty satisfactory to me, with the exception of lack of a girlfriend. Being on the spectrum doesn't help as well. And the goal of "meeting enough of people to find the potential partner" seems too vague for me 😬
@janellescott210
2 жыл бұрын
I think it’s super important to make small talk. Learn how to find the weather interesting. The weather is something we all experience, we all have that in common. We all love to talk about ourselves or our niche interests. But talking about our niche interests is a quick way to bore a new person. So you get good at talking about the weather as if it were a tennis ball and you see if someone will volley it back and forth with you a while and then throw them a little “curve ball” by bringing up something more interesting to you. And be a good listener when they bring up something about themselves. The goal doesn’t have to be friendship the goal can simply be a positive social experience which will bring stress levels down and make you and the other person feel good.
@vivvy_0
2 жыл бұрын
it's tiresome
@ingwaybee
2 жыл бұрын
I think Dr K. just healed my 17 years of social anxiety in less than 20 mins 🤦🏿♀️😂
@areaakhil7266
2 жыл бұрын
Just what i needed
@fhkabdgiasuao3920
Жыл бұрын
Damn, thank you for your work, Dr. K!
@dickmeatbootysack2165
2 жыл бұрын
regarding the online interaction part, i’ve met 2 of (who i would regard as) my best friends through a twitch chat. we started talking on discord a lot and play games almost every day. it’s weird but i open up to them more than my irl friends
@dutla9809
2 жыл бұрын
Man this can also be apply to my last relationship. Nothing in this world really matters if you look at the grand scheme of things.
@selfiestick1589
2 жыл бұрын
HGGG is a blessing ngl! :D Couldn't stop thinking bout No Game No Life and the whole "kusoge life" thing or how even in books, movies and other narrative media the protagonist always has a goal in mind and that's part of the appeal of storytelling so glad I finally learnt the concept: operationalize Thinking about the education system Probably the lack of the skill of operationalizing the solution of complex problems is part of the problem of gifted children and the education system in general since getting good grades only needs you to understand and memorize, which is not exactly complex even if it can be hard so the good grades kid goes into a world which needs operationalizing while everything they've been doing in default education system is simple problem solving wdy guys think?
@PowerToast
2 жыл бұрын
Yaaaaay 2022!!! Let's all get that forward progress, one step at a time! One breath, one moment, one second - Forward! Forward! Forward!
@SpieleSuchti894
11 ай бұрын
i can imagine this method doesnt work as well if the your conversation goal isnt the same as your opponents. Usually i get awkward when i think about my image in the eyes of my opponent
@kaktusparty6305
2 жыл бұрын
How to stop being
@marsjokes
2 жыл бұрын
How to stop
@billiejeanslover8929
2 жыл бұрын
How to
@EtamirTheDemiDeer
2 жыл бұрын
How
@geneticallytails
2 жыл бұрын
Summing up the talk: - black wheels bad, purple wheels better, red wheels DOPE
@shacka95
2 жыл бұрын
This is my life story. And after 18 years of that and constant rejection from peers, even at 26 no amount of experience or maturation seems to help. Only alcohol helps and I haven’t had alcohol in over a year because I’m addicted to kratom which makes the whole autism and narcissism thing worse. I’m fucked
@Moose92411
2 жыл бұрын
At 10:17 DID THIS MAN JUST TELL ME NOT TO SHARE DEEZ NUTS!!? I'm laughing so hard I had to pull my car over.
@Goldenskittlee
2 жыл бұрын
I always worry i'm too boring, when I get to the sharing a part of myself section I will say something and get no response or like an 'ohh' and then the conversation ends lmao
@potatobased379
2 жыл бұрын
my time has come.. i’ve been waiting for a video on this for so long
@epitomicmess
2 жыл бұрын
Very insightful video, thank you
@chilanya
2 жыл бұрын
Wow, who would've thought i'd learn something today. I struggle with this a lot, I can only do small talk well when the other person is really good at it and helping me along. Okay so the goal is set. Bu now I could use some more practicals pointers.. what are good and bad subjects to talk about? I mean, my parents taught me many subjects are off limits, it feels like only the very safest and boring subjects are allowed..
@ChiddyChiddy01
2 жыл бұрын
you just start off by talking about your day, asking about their day, maybe ask how their weekend was and if they did anything, or if they have any plans for next weekend, talk about what your plans are etc. It's a good way to get into talking about hobbies. Basically talk about things that happened recently or things coming up soon
@nalsey1684
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for helping us :) really. Thank you so so much for caring.
@marcusa2252
2 жыл бұрын
I feel so ashamed of myself and inferior to everyone else that it's hard to really be open or talk much. I don't really have anything to add and don't think I'm interesting at all so I don't really bother. I try to avoid people as much as I can.
@malazkarar1171
2 жыл бұрын
Ma'dude Marc, you are in no way inferior, everyone around you feels some pressure when socializing, whether they are good or bad at it. You need to dig in to find out why you feel this way, is it a moment in the past that caused this, a friendship or maybe a whole phase, therapy is one way to go about this too, stay strong💪
@crefullycreless7862
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks doc, this really helped!
@Ofjkk
2 жыл бұрын
Thx for a dating advice Dr.k Next date I will ask to build something in a sandbox game and see if the date makes a car
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