In this video we are going to explain how to use “tactical” empathy in order to better understand people and to get a better outcomes when negotiating.
A favorite book of mine is “Never Split the DIfference”, a book written by Chris’s Moss who was a hostage negotiator for the FBI. In chapter 3, they described how the FBI uses “tactical” empathy to negotiate when lives are at stake.
“The more you know about someone, the more power you have.” - Chris Ross
What drew me to this book was to always get the best outcomes in my professional negotiations. In chapter 3, Chris cites an example of 3 fugitives in Harlem that were holed up with some hostages for over 6 hours of radio silence. This means that they had hostages, lives were on the line and they refused to even talk to the police.
Do you have any situations right now where you are in discussions and the other side is giving little to no feedback? Listen up, this may help you!
Now Chris was able to coax the fugitives out over time using “tactical” empathy. So what is the difference between tactical empathy and just regular empathy?
According to the book”
“Empathy is the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart, and the focalization of that recognition.”
Tactical Empathy is not only “feeling” what the other person is “feeling” but understanding the basis of those feelings.
For the three fugitives, Chris was able to empathize, then speak to where the fugitives where. Over time they realized that he was not going anywhere, Chris calmed them down using the correct tone and eventually they gave up.
After reading this book, I found myself using tactical empathy all of the time. At first it started at home with my wife. I found that whenever I choose to respond to her ONLY after I completely understood what she was feeling AND where those feelings came from we connected on a deeper level.
In Commercial Real Estate opportunities abound on every deal to use tactical empathy. The larger and more complex the deal, the higher the stakes. The higher the stakes, deeper the source of feelings and emotions behind those actions.
Follow these steps to start using Tactical Empathy Today:
Seek to understand before being understood.
Anticipate their next move after you present an offer
Measure their actions to what you anticipated, recalibrate and start again
This is an extremely powerful tactic because it is honest and sincere. It is the opposite the narcissistic, self motivated, power grabs and gotchas we see to often in business. My first year in Commercial REal Estate, I got a call from an investor that wanted to purchase a 5 million dollar apartment building. I got excited because I thought I had a large pot of gold waiting at the end of this rainbow. When my senior brokers at Grubb & Ellis found out who I was working with, they shared with me that this particular buyer destroyed relationships when negotating deals. He would lie, cheat, steal, or even sue to get the best deal possible. He was able to do that once or twice before every serious broker knew to stay away. He was just calling me because at the time, I was a new broker and I did not know any better. I am glad that someone cared enough to teach me these skills and I hope that you get value from them as well.
Conclusion:
So in conclusion, I have used Tactical Empathy to:
Better understand and love my wife and family
Negotiate Stronger Lease Deals
Reverse Entrenched Positions of Buyers, Sellers, Landlords, and Tenants
And so much more...
Tactical empathy is a great tool to have in your tool belt, so I encourage you to read the book, practice it, and level up your skill set!
While you are leveling up, don’t forget to subscribe to our channel, leave us a like and share in the comments a situation that you think you could utilize some tactical empathy to get on the winning side of a negotiation!
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