Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 Do We Think About Trauma Wrong? 03:56 Link Between Trauma & Chronic Stress 07:28 Why Trauma Causes Us to Shield Ourselves 12:41 How to Not Be at the Mercy of Your Feelings 21:34 Does Trauma Make Us More Vulnerable to Future Trauma? 26:48 Tips to Being More Self-Compassionate 33:58 How Trauma Manifests as Illness 38:32 Principles for Treating Trauma 50:49 Opening Up to Other People 1:01:40 What Bessel is Excited About 1:04:38 Bessel’s New Book 1:05:04 Where to Find Bessel
@PenelopeRyder
3 ай бұрын
Chris has his new book been published yet as I have the body keeps score but can not see the new book mentions! Do you have a link to it?
@ChrisCalkins
3 ай бұрын
😊😊
@iambojangles4115
3 ай бұрын
I also can't find any mention of this book anywhere other than from Bessel on this podcast. Is there a release date?
@domingabarboza9897
3 ай бұрын
😊😊😊😊😊😊
@CarolRiley-cz8pe
Ай бұрын
011l
@ooulalah4333
4 ай бұрын
21:53 Yes the traumatized can be amazing caregivers and patient teachers because they know how badly they needed loving kindness when they were young and being neglected and abused...but...that doesn't erase the negative impact of that trauma. I was always praised for how well I took care of others but was deeply hurting inside..and still am. I don't want to be a martyr anymore making everyone else feel good but myself.
@mindkindmom
3 ай бұрын
same here, after years of being the family caretaker, I want to take care of myself.
@TS-iv9ml
3 ай бұрын
Find someone qualified in EMDR 🫂 you both deserve to fully heal and be loved ❤ you are enough, what you are feeling & experience are Real. It's how to heal and get past that is so needed
@SowingSeedsWithChristy
3 ай бұрын
Your time has come! :)
@rosemisatiofficial5428
3 ай бұрын
I can fully and totally relate.
@Staying_aliveforwomen
3 ай бұрын
Do loving kindness meditation,take long baths w candles,managing my triggers was a game changer in self luv❤gratitude, exercise compassionate fatigue is our breaking point .
@MarkThrive
4 ай бұрын
10:55 quote "Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself. " -BvdK
@MarkThrive
Ай бұрын
A great companion to BvdK for anyone navigating their childhood CPTSD maybe read CPTSD Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker. Also, Healing the Shame that Binds you by John Bradshaw❤️🩹❤️
@michaelgarrow3239
8 күн бұрын
It’s not a “feeling.” It’s your agency. Ftw
@spencerbrown6214
4 ай бұрын
WOW, that is such an important point that he makes, we should teach children in school of all ages how to cope with their feelings, self regulation of their body n brain n dealing with touch n interactions with other people, etc! The idea of holding weekly classes is BRILLIANT, it would be absolutely world changing 💕🌎⭐️⭐️⭐️
@OceanFrontVilla3
3 ай бұрын
I agree. And I would add two more; effective communication skills and basic finance (mortgages, credit, interest, retirement savings and basic investing)
@spencerbrown6214
3 ай бұрын
@@OceanFrontVilla3 Yes, brilliant additions!!!👌
@jac1161
3 ай бұрын
teach at school all ya want...if going back to the abusive family......
@blacksheepsrule
3 ай бұрын
Progress made in school must be reinforced at home or it won't be worthwhile.
@krispybacon4768
2 ай бұрын
They do, in depth @ private schools in Perth but it’s not great elsewhere
@awakeningwithannie
3 ай бұрын
My mother. Zero supportive social reception. I remember once she asked me "what did you do" when I told her my school friend wasn't talking to me. Imagine how this lack of social support from your own mother screws you up.
@Artistic_99
3 ай бұрын
Yes, i feel your pain
@jac1161
3 ай бұрын
oh yes, it was always my fault....and nothing was every the fault of my bully abusive sister. I got abused for crying that I was being abused....silent treatment from one parent, physical and emotional abuse from the other. I proceeded to find myself at work with similar management. Just makes so much sense
@TheiaMoonLuna
2 ай бұрын
@@jac1161 JFC are their really that many of us having the same experiences out here. Your familial experience sounds almost identical to mine. Then the conditioning of the scapegoat proceeded to follow me around in social groups and workplaces. Ruined any chance of a functional life... Still I have this underlying belief that I have no right to emotions or feelings of any kind.
@h.nicolejorgensen2077
2 ай бұрын
I hear you. No back up support, chronic invalidation from my mother who always took the side of the person whom I felt hurt by. I am sorry for anyone who has suffered this kind of gas lighting to make it seem like we were the bad or crazy one in the situation. Prayers of peace and love to everyone who has been affected by this trauma. ❤ You are not alone in this. You are amazing and resilient.
@jennifercalhoun6621
2 ай бұрын
@h.nicolejorgensen2077 I experienced this too...horrifying..how do we get past this and live our best lives not alone..healthy relationship..I has 2 abusive husband's and I got emotional and fucked over patterns repeat
@AurielArizola
4 ай бұрын
Earlier today I was watching a Donald Kalsched YT video on Trauma and somebody in the audience shocked others by stating this: "There seems to be this idea that in order for me to get better I have to be responsible for my own pain and I think that I don't have to be responsible for my wounding to be responsible for my getting well."
@DrPhilGoode
4 ай бұрын
Yep. If you don’t do anything about getting yourself better, you will ultimately pass that on to the next generation.
@glenimoore1232
3 ай бұрын
Taking responsibility for own pain or not the same as taking responsibility for own wounding though. Not at all.
@DrPhilGoode
3 ай бұрын
@@glenimoore1232 you shouldn’t take responsibility for either one. The responsibility lies in giving the next generation the most healed version of ourselves possible. Healing requires understanding about why we have those painful wounds.
@user-gx4wi4cv2m
3 ай бұрын
@@glenimoore1232can you expound on what you mean by that?
@pwpsrspl
4 ай бұрын
Chris! I think this will just break the internet! Mr. Bessel van der Kolk is one of my favorite authors, and a pure heart! A good and deeply empathetic men. His book Body Keeps The Score is life changing! I wished for so long to see him talking with you or on Jordan B. Peterson podcast! Thank you for giving a platform for such an amazing figure he is!
@tagus100
4 ай бұрын
Just will.
@YoYo-gt5iq
4 ай бұрын
58k views! Internet is destroyed
@MS-wy4sb
3 ай бұрын
Hahaha. He's a smart guy, but pure heart? Fuck no. He's a bully and pretty toxic. It's well-documented with anecdotes from his former colleagues. Brilliant researcher for sure.
@tihanaharrison6728
3 ай бұрын
I agree, the interview with BvdK and JP toggle would be great!
@anontruth253
3 ай бұрын
@xKarenWalkerx and what have u done?
@spacekitty3137
2 ай бұрын
This is the first book I read on healing trauma and it changed my life. I’ve worked recovery since 2018 and this book gave me the understanding I needed to heal myself.
@UrDominioN
2 ай бұрын
I’m I so glad that you were able to grow into your own and help others ! Im sure that they’re very grateful for your help! Have a great life! Much love
@jessicavergara1932
2 ай бұрын
Me too! I’m about 2-3 years post reading this book. It was even more significant as I had a baby. I began doing yoga (first time that I sensed that I had a body?!?!), I began somatic therapy a year ago (incredible), and capoeira (social, movement and music). This wasn’t intentional, it just began with the knowledge that I gained from that book. I’m not scared of my own existence any more, I allow sensations to come and have tools (from somatic therapy), to feel them, process and integrate them. It’s insane!
@wellinever1558
26 күн бұрын
Listen to Anna Runckel
@EcomCarl
4 ай бұрын
His focus on the body's response to trauma is a vital insight for deeper healing. Integrating self-regulation and self-awareness into educational systems could indeed pave the way for a more resilient and empathetic society 🧠.
@CasualViewer768
4 ай бұрын
My jaw LITERALLY dropped open when I opened KZitem and seen this!!! Chris - THANK YOU!!
@irena8226
4 ай бұрын
saw not seen
@liam.4454
4 ай бұрын
Capital I in 'irena' please.
@fitprotunes
4 ай бұрын
@@liam.4454Comma before 'please', please
@v9b23j
4 ай бұрын
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom" - Viktor E. Frankl
@dfinma
4 ай бұрын
This is a nice thought and is true in certain ways. The problems I have with it are it neglects The Human Dilemma*, it celebrates trauma and it lets the perps off the hook. I have heard many examples of people saying they wouldn't change being traumatized b/c it made them who they are. Another nice thought and I have the same problems with it. * The Human Dilemma is we are both susceptible to trauma and very willing to commit it upon others. Modernity creates and amplifies it.
@v9b23j
4 ай бұрын
@@dfinma Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The Trauma Recovery Institute suggests The premise of Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM). It involves coming together to address and heal reenacted traumatic or adverse events through conflict and repair within relationships. Conflict and repair are essential psychological, metabolic, and neurological processes, serving as adaptive responses crucial for health. Avoiding this cycle can lead to disease, driven by chronic states of sympathetic or dorsal vagal activation in the nervous system and unresolved cell danger responses. And they say, "the greater the childhood trauma and neglect, the uglier the conflict and reenactment will be". We heal each other within our relationships (instead of numbing our feelings and escaping them with behavioral addictions).
@v9b23j
3 ай бұрын
@@dfinma The Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM) by The Trauma Recovery Institute posits that relationships provide a platform for reenacting and healing traumatic experiences through conflict and repair, emphasizing that avoidance of this process can lead to psychological and physiological ailments, with the intensity of conflict often linked to the severity of childhood trauma and neglect.
@patriciacole8773
3 ай бұрын
Beautiful
@patriciacole8773
3 ай бұрын
Valuable quote. Thank you for sharing this.
@lauraw.7008
2 ай бұрын
10:54 “trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself” 11:26 “in order to change, you need to see the world with new eyes.”
@YungStinkyWinky
4 ай бұрын
I was a mess for a long time, from childhood til my late 20s. Life dealt me some crazy cards. I did my best to weather it, but I was still an emotional wreck. But my Borderline, PDST, Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder have been almost completely cured over the course of a year by just four things: getting off anti-depressants, eating a whole-food diet, rigorous daily exercise (cardio & weights), and microdosing 150mg of psilocybin twice a week. Completely reset my brain and changed my life entirely. Your videos and interviews have helped tremendously with my perspective shift and educating me on what my body needs and who I could become, Chris. Thank you.
@ancientfuture9690
4 ай бұрын
I too had a load of trauma and PTSD growing up. I managed to heal up, change my life to a fairly satisfactory degree over time with some conscious effort. I am however, interested in microsdosing with psilocybin because I still have a few more subtle things I'd like to clear out. Could you tell me how it helped and what it did exactly?
@LifeGameDesign
4 ай бұрын
Apart from micro dosing what you're saying is that you solved all these problems by living like a human. I think that says alot about the hidden detriments that come with living in modern society. Hope your proud of yourself and remind yourself everyday how far you've come bro 💪
@susanparker9877
3 ай бұрын
With modern communication being so text minded, I find myself at a disadvantage. Even on the phone, one can hear a sigh, or pick up on a long pause, or hear the voice drop in sadness. In person, I can notice the person's posture, attitude, level of agitation or incongruency of words and behavior. Texts leave me baffled.... I say, "please call me, I don't want to text with my friends", but continue to get texts. I find this communication so superficial. There is no context to work with. The body cannot be ignored when we exchange with others.
@katenka_ana3997
3 ай бұрын
I dont know about the drugs. I think they would put me into psychosis again, although I still find them fascinatinh
@Guidancewithgrace777
2 ай бұрын
I have some mushrooms but and want to micro dose but don’t know how much to take so what should I take?
@Jonathanzcohen
4 ай бұрын
One of the best books ever written.
@graceb3934
4 ай бұрын
I cant believe you have Bessel van der Kolk on your podcast! Big respect to you - you cant elevate any higher than this, Imho. He is such a wonderful man, with so much integrity, on top of his vast knowledge and wisdom. He has done more in the realms of our understanding of trauma than anyone else.
@marijkevv11
2 ай бұрын
Also check Jan Bommerez about trauma
@nath1284
2 ай бұрын
Gabor Maté is also fantastic. Check out the movie The Wisdom of Trauma and his book The Myth of Normal
@johnwindisman2803
4 ай бұрын
I loved Bessel's book. Figuring out what allows us to feel safe is tricky and can lead to grasping and aversion which is not helpful. I found that learning and building the skill of self trust (trust in our skills, trust we can learn new skills and trust that we can apply our skills as needed) is a healthy way of developing safety. As we build self-trust (psychologists call this self-efficacy) our fears naturally subsite. We cannot push our fears away to gain the feeling of safety but we can do exercises to build self-trust.
@carktok
3 ай бұрын
Going through a surprisingly destructive addiction late in life has set me back significantly on possessing any self-trust, bc i discovered that my own mind was going through great lengths to deceive me into an active addiction. Trusting myself requires enough clarity of thought to be able to detect any hidden motives towards self sabotage- and I'm finding that clarity can be really hard to come by if you dissociate, or have the flee or freeze kind of trauma response.
@nath1284
2 ай бұрын
@@carktokRising above thought as per Eckhart Tolle's teachings or more simply applying the principles of mindfulness have been very helpful for me as an ADHD and C-PTSD overthinker. Thoughts are not facts and we are not our thoughts. Finding this spaciousness within and no longer being controlled by the mind has been so freeing and dramatically reduces my anxiety. When I am triggered I can now talk myself down and apply self compassion. Do consider exploring avenues other than logic /understanding /rationalising as well if you can
@carktok
2 ай бұрын
@@nath1284 brilliant. These things seemed so far away from what I learned reading The Power of Now years ago and spontaneously waking up from the hypnosis of thinking. I'll dig back in and set aside the space again to listen to the stillness. Thanks for this reminder.
@ellinorglorioso2247
Ай бұрын
Well said, thank you.
@corb5654
4 ай бұрын
Dr Van der Kolk wrote one of the best books I'd ever read. Much respect, Chris!
@bobakbobak2588
4 ай бұрын
I have traumas, not trauma. I've lost all my life opportunities, potential, childhood and youth to traumas and the self-destruction coming from them. Most nights I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how I lost the best years of my life that will never come back and it gives me this urge to scream or elbow my pillow which sometimes I do. I always have a problem staying in touch with reality. Part of it is because I haven't slept enough the night before and another part is because I hate my reality. The only thing I really care about is revenge. I don't want a supersport car or a mega-mansion, I wanna be physically fit and healthy, I want a good night's sleep, I want energy and I want revenge. I'm willing to sacrifice many things to achieve my goals and I do but every once in a while I relapse and get on that self-destructive path again. The problem is that most of the time I know I'm about to do the wrong thing and waste my time and traumatize myself even more, but I do it anyway. It feels like I've been stuck in a loop all my life. I don't know if this makes me sound like an idiot but sometimes while I am lying down in the bed I hold my hand up hoping someone grabs it; maybe God, maybe another version of me from a parallel universe or maybe my childhood self. Speaking of my childhood self, sometimes I fantasize about hugging the little man, which I can't do too much without tearing up. Every time I listen to Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd it reminds me of him as if we're simultaneously living in the past and future "… How I wish, how I wish you were here We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl Year after year Running over the same old ground, what have we found? The same old fears, wish you were here" I really wish he was here so I could hug him and tell him how sorry I am that I couldn't protect him. I don't know where and when we got separated, but I hope one day down the road we meet again. Edit: I wasn't seeking attention by writing this comment. I don't know anyone in my life to share my burden with and those who I know are the ones who've made me carry that heavy burden in the first place. So to those who took the time to reply: I want you to know that I read all of your comments and I sincerely appreciate you and your kind words.
@gorkyd7912
4 ай бұрын
Revenge motivated by envy for what others had that you were denied seems like a waste of what you still have that many others do not. But revenge motivated by justice, that's different.
@Hayes2703
4 ай бұрын
No justice belongs to God. You are called to forgive, so that YOU can heal.
@nicolegallagher1001
4 ай бұрын
Surrender the revenge and forgive so you can be free to move on. You’ll feel free, lose a load of weight holding you down and you’ll be able to think clearly without those stress hormones poisoning your mind.
@catland1566
4 ай бұрын
My heart breaks for you… my brother was a vet with profound PTSD… he exhibited the same self destructive behaviors😭. It took years for him to heal to where he liked himself again. This is going to sound trite and will probably send your rage meter soaring… after you calm down…work on self forgiveness…then when you have faced that demon that blames you for everything…. Then start learning and practicing self love… and NEVER GIVE UP! 🙋🏼♀️🙏
@bobakbobak2588
3 ай бұрын
@@catland1566 I appreciate that.
@MarkThrive
4 ай бұрын
9:30 types of trauma... CPTSD- the child that was chronically ignored and dismissed by caregiver.
@DianaHernandez-ok1mz
3 ай бұрын
At 40 yrs old I lost my memory and could not find my way out of a 5 stall bathroom..😅I can make jokes ,but mostly I cried daily ...it was childhood trauma...I never knew I was traumatized...I kept connecting to relationships that continued the cycle..Now many years later, grieving the lost years..And thankful to be alive so maybe I can actually finish well.
@ritevibe
3 ай бұрын
@@DianaHernandez-ok1mz my heart goes out to you... you are slowly on your healing journey and path, go easy... your soul is beautiful and you are understood and loved by more people than you think. I understand about repeating cycles, the grieving of lost years etc... thank you for sharing your story...God bless you 💝
@SundanceKit
3 ай бұрын
❤️🩹🙏Thank you for sharing your story. Sending Positive Vibes, loving, your way .
@jac1161
3 ай бұрын
@@DianaHernandez-ok1mz yes
@DianaHernandez-ok1mz
3 ай бұрын
@@SundanceKit Thankyou,🙏🌄
@theotherdanielbrown
3 ай бұрын
Love that work like this, Dispenza and Sarno is going more mainstream. I’ve self-healed CRPS, allergies, osteoarthritis and Reynaud’s by tapping into my unconscious and the buried issues that were resulting in these physical manifestations
@burningbright34
2 ай бұрын
I have crps, glad you healed! Can you give me some insight as to your approach to healing?
@observerone6727
3 ай бұрын
One of my deepest lessons was: Don't expect anyone to be anything. Expectations of others was a long-term source of depression and frustration until I finally realized/solved that curse.
@youtubestyle293
Ай бұрын
Yeah but then you'll end up isolating yourself (which I did), I guess the aim should be to RE trust people, which you never (I) had, cause if you don't expect reciprocation and empathy from others, you end up in this bitter state, "They are going to leave me anyway, so why would I be nice, and attach to anything?" and that's making everything worse
@observerone6727
Ай бұрын
@@youtubestyle293There's a critically important distinction here. "Don't expect anyone to be anything" does not mean to disconnect, become antisocial, or crawl into a hole. It means 1) let people simply be the 'random' that they are (as long as they're not a physical survival threat), and 2) shut down any debilitating internal dialog, emotions, a/o delusions of what one randomly assumes another human is supposed to be or do. The reward is psychological freedom, while still being social, contributing, and simply happy to be alive.
@shelly7017
3 ай бұрын
I became a CNA in 2003 after doing a bit of soul searching. I realized looking back through my lifes , actions, the people, places, and experiences, that I was born to be of service to others. When my oldest daughter was in junior high she's now 34, told me that I'm a "do gooder" and that I'm that way to make me feel good about myself. I know for a fact that the abuse, neglect and abandonment I experienced is nothing compared to many others' experiences. I am not the sum total of my past experiences. I'm an evolving human with awesome potential.
@JennyJAldrich
2 ай бұрын
I became a CNA in 2002 (and am still one today.) Looking back-I needed to love people who felt safe to me. Those people always felt safe. (Mostly)....
@ivanaamidzic
4 ай бұрын
His book _The Body Keeps the Score_ is a life-saver!! Especially if, in addition to all else, you went through war & extreme political instability, being trapped in a place you couldn't escape from, and can't ever feel safe again, anywhere. ❤ I stopped feeling stupid for & ashamed of things that happened to me & of my reactions to certain events. This helps me not only be more grounded myself, but also be more compassionate towards others who may harshly react against me or to something I've said or done, because I can detect their trauma & how scared they must be, and I try give grace to people.
@MaxKomes
4 ай бұрын
Shout out to the yoga teachers and martial arts instructors who “really get it” and are embodied practitioners~
@marissiarenee
3 ай бұрын
Do you think dancers also fall into this category?
@lanadahl9072
3 ай бұрын
Dedicated CranioSacral therapists also!!!!
@香料國境
3 ай бұрын
and teachers/nurses as he mentioned...
@Trenchant468
3 ай бұрын
As someone with a dance background, I can say that classes, in the past at least, are often impersonal, high pressure, even shaming. I had one class where the teacher started and included breath work, and I danced better than ever. When I took certain yoga classes emotions would come to the surface, my fragility would present itself, and also I could get to a place of peace.
@cherylwilsherlimberlife7210
Ай бұрын
I know a lot of dis embodied yoga teachers too.. spiritual community full of bypass is rife with avoidance but slowly shifting
@Jennifer-gr7hn
Ай бұрын
nothing helps you be alone with yourself to do emotional healing like being left for dead my healthcare, and friends, without family. Fast track to the torturously slow process of healing. When it rains, it pours, but then the rainbow is even brighter! Beautiful paradoxes
@Jo111sun
18 күн бұрын
After being through so much trauma, I think the first thing people do when they are out of that situation is they try to make meaning out of the situation. Isolation and being alone is the first step towards healing from trauma. I don’t know what happens next because I am still trying to figure out what happened to me and gain some perspective on my life. I am also trying to figure out who I can trust! ❤
@getthecats
4 ай бұрын
Huge interview! This is the most important trauma expert and pioneer in the world. Thanks/congrats on having him on.
@marinettecachin5931
3 ай бұрын
Wow ! You just said it about the nurses giving what they didn’t have in childhood but often can’t receive it for themselves..
@jac1161
3 ай бұрын
read "I'm dying to take care of you".....
@aprilhumen1229
Ай бұрын
I have come a long way in healing, but I just think having more tools on this rollercoaster of life is good. I’m excited to read his book. I have heard from several sources it’s ground breaking. ❤
@briandowney9913
4 ай бұрын
What an excellent guest to have on! One of the most important people on planet earth on healing trauma! Thank you! The Body Keeps the Score should be read by everyone!
@ashleyjeffers8185
4 ай бұрын
15 minutes in and im hooked. What an amazing guest. I wish every therapist/counselor had to watch his teaching. We'd all be better off ❤
@zakwest9063
4 ай бұрын
Some toxic parents (like mine) were victims, themselves, of toxic parents. Toxic people tend to isolate from the rest of society, as non-toxic people would find their behavior and lifestyle EXTREMELY peculiar (and most likely some sort of investigation would ensue). My parents were actively trying to do the right thing by us. My siblings and I had vastly superior childhood to theirs, specifically because of a concentrated effort on their part to do better than their parents did. They just literally didn't know how to act right, and now are filled with regret to see their children struggling with trauma that they themselves inadvertently caused. 🤥 I pity them.
@LR-yu3mx
2 ай бұрын
My toxix parents had good parents. My dad qas youngest because big sistera l9ved him too. My grandmorhers both were the kindest wonwn, who did the best for thr people around them. My mother was a narcissist, berdwring on psycopath. My dad did everything good for her. In those days one did not know about narcissism
@lloyannehurd
2 ай бұрын
@@LR-yu3mx Same for me. I can’t sympathize with a narcissist. They know the damage they do. They have no excuse.
@jakelee8538
4 ай бұрын
57:42 I recently got out of an inpatient 10 week trauma/addiction program. This man's book was one of the most promoted and discussed pieces of work that we accessed. Though this convo doesn't actually hit on a lot of what actual trauma patients take (or maybe just chat about) from his work. He actually does hit the points but the book levels it. He's obviously a better writer than he is a talker. Which is ok. ❤ Thank you, Chris. You couldn't have handled this better ❤😢
@catinthehat1486
4 ай бұрын
I agree not making a lot of sense to me with his unpacking of the narrative. I think Chris might be struggling with that as well?
@ElisabethBenn-g6i
4 ай бұрын
English is not his first language. He expresses himself amazingly well.
@369jwillow
4 ай бұрын
This guys book was a gem. Thank you for this interview.
@MJK631
4 ай бұрын
Truly, thank you for this episode. I think it will help bring a greater awareness of what psychological trauma is and how it impacts the person as a whole. It can be challenging to articulate the effects of trauma to family and friends in a way that they can understand. I highly recommend sharing this episode with friends, family, and especially your partner so they can better understand where you're coming from.
@novairene6880
Ай бұрын
“Knowing why you are screwed up, doesn’t make you less screwed up” I accepted this many years ago about myself and focused on regulation. Will be a lifelong journey for sure, but I am not a victim.
@doriannemosich232
4 ай бұрын
Chris you became my favorite podcaster, Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk.. is helpful to healing my brokenness, grieving the loss of my Mom, she was My Mom friend business partner then kind & generous. My Mom was always on my side, have massive gratitude I spent quality time with her, so artistic, so creative productive. She said " when I am gone you are going to miss me." wow true.
@kauffrau6764
3 ай бұрын
So excited to see this man. I have other books about this: The body speaks its mind. The body never lies. I do bodywork professionally. I see this everyday. It’s so important.
@funwithmadness
4 ай бұрын
I have a common refrain when addressing complaints I hear from people about their physical maladies; "The human body was designed to move. If you're not moving, you're not doing it right." At least part of this conversation seems to suggest that my view is applicable to mental health, too. :)
@observerone6727
3 ай бұрын
I have a post-it note on the mirror that says: There are parts of your own brain that are not your friend. Digging deep into understanding the committee in your head is the direction to finding your own psychological freedom.
@crystalbeth5491
2 ай бұрын
Really interesting! Is there a link or book to help understand this concept and how to identify the committee members?
@observerone6727
2 ай бұрын
@@crystalbeth5491Not that I know of. I just started writing down my realizations 40 years ago, to 'exteriorize' from subconscious thoughts, and rose above them (called metacognitive), noticing higher truth and reality about the human mind. I've also studied the brain for decades; that understanding also helps.
@jessicavergara1932
2 ай бұрын
Look into Internal Family Systems. If felt, acknowledged and welcomed/accepted, those parts can actually be freed from their current burdens. They aren’t enemies, they are splits that occurred during difficult situations/trauma and they think they still need to protect you etc. They have a “felt sense”, and they can be integrated and processed, and relieved of carrying that burden anymore. Some may feel very dark etc, but we gently make contact, until we and they aren’t scared any more. They can be freed and no longer a split in the system. Many therapists now combined IFS (internal family systems theory), with somatic therapies etc. Befriend it, it’s not an enemy, it’s you, and it was created for a reason that may no longer serve you and it just needs to know that.
@christy7344
28 күн бұрын
Goes along with Dr. Daniel Amen’s short video 5 tips for a healthy brain & one tip is, “I don’t believe every stupid thought that comes into my mind”
@observerone6727
28 күн бұрын
@@christy7344Reminds of the one that says "Don't believe everything you think"
@User-j-r1h
2 ай бұрын
How can someone who has never known safety within family and without (attracting similar situations), start feeling safe within themselves? I just want to feel safe..
@Lawrence_of_Asia
4 ай бұрын
It’s a super intricate field! I’m having a traumatic experience with my girl now, based on things that happened in childhood, around abandonment from my mother. And when I see something in the environment that looks like she is looking elsewhere, and mixed with lack of touch… my mind starts creating worst case scenario… The vulnerability in being able to be honest and vulnerable with Another / partner. Perhaps these bonds of trust can be brought back stronger. But touch is a key component.
@FilthyBRobinson
3 ай бұрын
I totally attribute Rolfing being the intergal bodywork that helped me with my trauma. Luckily, I found a Rolfer that also has an osteopathy degree.
@northstarearthstar
4 ай бұрын
Teaching self regulation in school would be so great. ❤
@firsttimemommy3735
Ай бұрын
I believe everyone experiences trauma and it makes them who they are today. What happened does not define you… it take time to unlearn years of conditioning. Meditation encourages relaxation, can calm the nervous system and reduce stress through deep breath. Trauma changes you. Healing is about creating a new version of yourself, the one that is stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. Stay positive and all the negativity will disappear!! ❤
@adityachopra7328
28 күн бұрын
33:30 New habits, action, meditation, yoga, martial arts 39:00 safety, body work, yoga, tai chi, chi gong, hot tub, touch, let go 41:00 mindful, shut down exterior and and feel self
@karljuhnke8882
4 ай бұрын
Came from a loving family where the trauma of my Dad turned me into a very compassionate and inquisitive person. This left me open to predators. Male predators were easier to identify and deal with . It took me many years to see how the other side works and why.
@jessicavergara1932
2 ай бұрын
Could you elaborate on “open to predators”? Do you mean that sometimes children raised with too much compassion, can inadvertently become more susceptible to predators etc?
@jessicavergara1932
2 ай бұрын
Bring on Peter Levine! Share the work of these incredible men! I think Levine released a new book in April, too! Thank you for having him on. I read ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ approximately 2 years ago and I incorporated what I could from this book. I began yoga, I was lucky enough to eventually afford somatic therapy and I’m a different person, on a path of growth, with much less fear of my own limitations, my own body and sensations, and less fear of the world and the future. I am in control of myself, daily. And not in some new age version, but in a more flexible, more compassionate, less scared way. This book changed my life. I’ve just completed my yoga teacher training and hope to train in somatic therapy this year. Everybody needs to know these people.. it will save their lives..
@mindovermovement6401
2 ай бұрын
Hi thanks.. just started my first SE a couple of days ago.. reading ur comment gives hope.. planning to star yoga agian along with kick boxing
@kellyschroeder7437
Ай бұрын
Spot on. Was a nurse. Now disabled. Definitely saw myself perpetually giving to others that which I did not receive. Definitely unhealthy and boundaries messed up. Nevertheless, thank you God Almighty for the part/s of me that are soft, kind and generous 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
@chrisdaykin3899
Ай бұрын
I like Gabor Mate's description of trauma - bad things happen, or you make a mistake and you're ridiculed - trauma is what happens inside you as a result, what you take away
@peacefulisland67
3 ай бұрын
Creating more liminal space actively (practice, practice) between an event and a response will eventually lead to control over response, which will lead to a greater focus on reactions and changing them. Entertaining the idea that although we may not be able to create more bandwidth, we might be able to plasticize it like a balloon, and that will also give us more capacity. My reactions to some of my worst triggers have gone, and so, my response is different. Think of epigenetics. Over the last couple of decades I have changed my genetic expression. That's empowering. It's painful, time and thought consuming and maybe some people don't have the fundamentals to even grasp changing how they think, (if I'm color blind it's pointless to demand I see the color red) but it's also a great blessing; an honor. This work has given me a purpose for my challenging past and also sanded off the jagged edges. The challenge for those of us who do it, is to move from the head of book smarts and chatter, to the heart. Live in the flow.
@ivananelovic3425
Ай бұрын
Thanks for this comment, helped me.
@ChapsShrugged
2 сағат бұрын
This is one of my top ten books ever, maybe top 3. I need to look into "Rolfing" again, because my body is twisted up and no conventional anything makes sense. I have a few leads, finally after 8 years. If I could just study and focus on the issues, I believe I could already have been very far on my path of healing right now. But life, work, typical stressers, entropy- its a rabbit hole I've gone down giving me almost as many questions as answers, and I just want a COMPETENT guide to help me heal. Thanks for having Bessel on. If anyone hasn't- read/Audible his books.
@musamba101
3 ай бұрын
I'm glad I did years of martial arts, Tai Chi, Yoga & acting while I was studying psychology. That has helped me to help others with trauma and somatic sensations in a clinical setting. On a side note: I tried Psychomagic by Jodorowski with one client that seemed perfect for this therapy with very good results! :-)
@OpenHLZFocus
4 ай бұрын
From the exceptional interviews about trauma!!! relevant, concrete, important and subtle questions... and the Máster VD Kolk on trauma always really lucid, humble and illuminating. Thank you!!! 👍
@tavnotdove3554
4 ай бұрын
Finished reading The Body Keeps the Score a couple days ago, awesome timing!
@jennyri5256
4 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for bringing him on your podcast Chris 👏
@teresamcalister7096
Ай бұрын
I think a therapist is a facilitator so that they help me to hear myself ask myself questions and to find answers.
@silencestudio6993
2 ай бұрын
thank you Bessel, I'm tearing up listening, it is so compassionate and wise how you are sharing your professional and life experience
@charshill2978
Ай бұрын
I enjoy listening to Prof Van Der Kolk. Like Peter Levine and Gabor Mate, he is such a gentleman, speaking with knowledge and compassion.
@sarpsays
4 ай бұрын
I spent more than a decade minimizing and not even knowing I had been severely traumatized, just because it fell in a different "category" of trauma than the common, typical abuse from parents. I thought I have nice loving parents so the thing I went through doesn't count as "trauma". It took around 4 therapists confirming to me the degree of extremity of the event to realize and begin acknowledging... totally relate with the minimization.
@lmichellewright
4 ай бұрын
So happy to see him on your Podcast His book changed my life in 2020... trauma healing is quite the journey. Pete Walker would be another great guest.
@bronsonmcdonald5473
3 ай бұрын
Great interview!! I especially liked the fact that Bessel tried out his methods on himself, and acknowledges that not one size fits all.
@sfloyd5902
3 ай бұрын
On the surface, understanding how trauma works can seem disempowering. Until u realize how much power is available to the individual who chooses in to consciously addressing their trauma & learning to RESPOND to what comes up for them(rather than reacting). THAT is an empowered state of being to experience. And facilitates/fuels further growth & willingness to deal with painful work to step into further empowerment
@imsaltylit3101
29 күн бұрын
“Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself” 10:55 This is it , and the only way I can put into words how I feel.. I feel like I have no “self” control or control over myself.. For example , I despise smoking cigarettes but I have been smoking since I was a teen basically. I realize it’s a stress response and that it’s difficult to stop for many reasons (even stimulating the vagus nerve) but I used to think maybe I smoked because I felt like I had control .. but now I see it as self punishment almost. Like I’m mad at myself for not being in control, not being able to enforce boundaries, allowing my self to be controlled.. I was a quiet but frustrated child . I genuinely did not like my mom. I don’t remember life before my stress/trauma response personality was formed. And trauma changed the brain.. so I honestly don’t remember childhood except a few flash memories, and being with my narcissistic husband the last 24 years I also have no memory. Aside from a few flashes. But my BODY has always remembered everything ofcourse . And the two people who have affected me most are my mom and husband. Both with guilting, shaming, accusing, projecting, gaslighting, and me feeling like walking on eggshells.. My mom controlled me and rarely let me do anything social so I never developed a healthy independence. I wanted to run away… so I had no judgement when I got involved with my first and current husband. And he would absolutely deny it but I feel like I’ve had no control over my actual self the entire time. Because he makes me feel like i can’t say “no” to anything… my body knows and reminds me of the consequences. The STRESS.
@karoogrove5638
16 күн бұрын
One of the greatest humans of our time. BvdK. So incredibly important to acknowledge this truth. ❤❤❤
@IreneLyon
4 ай бұрын
A step in the right direction. Looking forward to seeing how this interview travels and meanders.
@reneezaia
Ай бұрын
I really support the idea of weekly classes in schools for children to learn about themselves, how to regulate their emotions, how the brain works etc. Education is empowering.
@staceypollack808
11 күн бұрын
This is me exactly everything he said. This is by far the best explanation of the human experience I’ve heard yet
@lotus-lotus
3 ай бұрын
Thank you Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk for your gigantic contribution!
@Enlighten9096
3 ай бұрын
Thank you for being a groundbreaker. Pls do consider to produce a podcast to bring awareness around the difficult topic of parental narcissist abuse. How to identify both the abuser and abused with intention to identify, intervene and support both. Truly this is critical to moving the mark on generational trauma. And the gross demand on medical systems already struggling. I can provide 30 years of substantiating medical materials in support of positive change. +Δ
@ianlynch6345
3 ай бұрын
His book was the beginning of my trauma healing journey
@mmadog1981
4 ай бұрын
recently diagnosed with c-PTSD, I'm 43 and had a load of childhood (5 yrs old at the time) memories come back of my dad going through cancer treatment. Took 25 years of feeling terrible to get a diagnosis, would never have got there if it wasn't for this guy and his book - would still be thinking I was a lazy, moaning git.
@karineliot4376
4 ай бұрын
I agree, frozen. Frozen in a higher stress point. Ability of the body to release or relax beyond a limited point Social reseption makes a huge difference - why AA works
@universaltruth2025
3 ай бұрын
This whole thing of ‘I don’t want to spend time with my family at Christmas until I have spoken to my brother about what really happened in our childhood etc’ is very unrealistic. The truth is there is NO closure with those who wronged us in the past. They will never see things from our perspective and very rarely feel any real remorse. And often it will just re traumatise the victim as the perpetrator will often either be narcissistic or lack self awareness and will gaslight them. And probably the family will close ranks even further as the victim was probably the family scapegoat anyway. Even if they did say all the right things, I think the victim still will rarely feel better, although the perpetrator may have a clear conscience and feel absolved of wrongdoing. Meanwhile the damage done to the victim has still been done and has still likely taken a huge toll on their life through maladaptive coping behaviours, addictions etc. The only way forward is to either decide to avoid the people who did the damage and if that isn’t possible its to go ‘grey rock’ with them and reduce all emotional connection as far as possible, and to put more energy and focus into improving their own situation and well being in life. We can only work on not self abandonment and that’s it. Forget this reconciling with others. As for all the attempts to calm down the limbic system and stop the chronic fight flight stress response, I guess there are a million of those strategies but what works for one may not work with another. Physical human touch is not always possible or desirable for some people.
@Charity-vm4bt
3 ай бұрын
Stellar, well said.
@Sindiya
3 ай бұрын
Very well said. Thank you.
@joandempsey4652
3 ай бұрын
I advise doing Journey work, a therapy developed by Brandon Bays. It’s a guided introspection aiming to come to understanding, forgiveness and freedom. In this case the person would find absolute comfort, kindness and compassion around his family at Christmas after a few sessions with a Journey therapist. You might find one in your area if you look it up. Otherwise read the book and do the therapy on yourself in a meditative state.
@rayfih
4 ай бұрын
Wow. Amazing guest....you are slaying it right now Chris. Thank you x
@Kanthide
4 ай бұрын
I gave dr. Van der kolk's book to my ex and she ridiculed it. I found it very insightful and saw the how it could truly help other people but i guess it is easier for some people to make fun of others efforts
@Openhearted2024
3 ай бұрын
Sad that your ex didn’t have curiosity and enquire what you valued in that book. Probably why she is an ex.
@BrofUJu
3 ай бұрын
Be thankful they're an ex. That's a person who has so much shame that they're shutting off trying to improve things.
@lotus-lotus
3 ай бұрын
39:20 let go alarm 39:56 MDMA for very shut down 40:20 hypotheses of change awareness. 59:20 favorite psychodrama 1:04:00 Chuck Shuker
@x_Artius_x
4 ай бұрын
YES! Now link these lessons to your recurrent back pain Chris… it’s not because of your discs. Disc degeneration and even herniating are very normal in people without any pain. Please keep exploring these ideas. I would also recommend reading some John Sarno books. I say this as a physical therapist who specializes in chronic pain.
@joeyfaoro6308
4 ай бұрын
Really?? I also have some scoliosis and lumbar disc herniation. Any other tips for me? (I just started this episode and was unfamiliar with Chris’s disc issues also)
@x_Artius_x
4 ай бұрын
@@joeyfaoro6308many people without pain have herniations. It’s a normal part of aging. Just search “disc degeneration in asymptomatic patients” and you’ll find tons of articles about the prevalence. Since it appears in people without pain, we can’t attribute discs as a cause of pain. The same is true for scoliosis. Instead look at your life stressors and how they influence your pain experiences. I often have patients who come to me with back pain blaming their discs and spine when in reality they are under immense stress and the mental imagine of “carrying” the burden of divorce, bad job, etc.. has led to back pain.
@djbeautyblenda
20 күн бұрын
Brilliant interview! The experience he brings to the table reminds me I am not alone. Gratitude!
@MarkThrive
4 ай бұрын
27:45 MDMA TREATMENT THERAPY psychedelics used to increase self compassion. Self criticism is extremely difficult to treat
@llkellenba
Күн бұрын
Yes, the people around me to this day have repeatedly shown undeniable evidence that they are not trustworthy. Being ignored, dismissed, used, spoken badly about behind my back consistent. I am aware I remain in relationships with persons who do not treat me as a valued person/friend. I’m back up. If I assert myself or ask for different treatment I’m punished-ganged up on by family or friend groups. If I stop asking I’m met with total silence. Simply left out. I have worked on myself through my entire life-I sought education and worked diligently in a meaningful yet challenging stressful career. I think about things deeply. I feel I am chronically misunderstood. I live alone and keep trying to engage with people but find it’s been mostly frustrating and often painful. Alone (with cats) seems to be my lot. It’s an improvement over being devalued or used.
@ColleenC-n5v
3 ай бұрын
Dr. Bessel is the best…..a true life-saver….body and soul…..💜✝☮✝💜✝☮✝💜
@jwheeler9991
3 ай бұрын
I have a fibromyalgia diagnosis in the last year but has been with me most of my life. I feel this is a response to my life's events. When I can regulate, the symptoms reduce.
@theotherdanielbrown
3 ай бұрын
Check out the work of Dr Sarno and Steve Ozanich for permanent self healing
@heidipucci9078
3 ай бұрын
I read his book The Body Keeps the Score, it was truly awesome and relatable. I loved this interview, because your questions really opened up a lot of his experiences and knowledge. It was great to be able to listen and learn from this! Thank you ❤
@TheLastSecretGarden
3 ай бұрын
As someone who is experiencing psychogenic seizures as a result of trauma, I needed to hear this. I wish he would speak on psychogenic nonepileptic seizures specifically though.
@Amypond1234
4 ай бұрын
Amazing!!!! This made my day! I referenced this brilliant man’s findings in my dissertation. Thank you Dr. Van Der Kolk
@kimmazabow697
3 ай бұрын
Thank you for giving BvdK a voice on your platform, the whole world needs to hear his message.
@devastator3094
3 ай бұрын
one thing ive noticed living with my ex over the years that has extreme trauma from her life before me, you cant do the work for them. she would always say, "im passed all of that" but i would notice so many things that would tap into her past trauma. alcohol would really pull it out of her in a way i felt i couldnt be around her. she would use it to cope with it all but hide the fact she was abusing it. over time i found bottles and cans hidden places and eventually got tired of dealing with it. it was affecting everything she did on a daily basis whether it was handing her money to just doing daily chores. she would get very emotional if i even brought up that she needed help with it. saw a therapist but she would withold things from the therapist which would cause more harm. to me the only way to get passed trauma, you really have to tackle it and other people cant do that for you.
@jac1161
3 ай бұрын
I'm the opposite..I never minimize my 'past'...as it has current manifestations. My problem is, finding some one equally as empathetic, uderstadimg as I am vs always being the lover, mot allowed to ever feel pain or expect to be comforted every once a while.
@Leo-mr1qz
4 ай бұрын
I REALLY want to know the results of the doctor's study on touch!
@zensvlognotapro
4 ай бұрын
Wow😮 feel what you feel ✋. Just what I'm doing most of the times I told I'm feeling good chef, I'm feeling good mom etc etc 😊. We need more conscious society 👍
@kornykorhorn
Ай бұрын
So what I am hearing is that we need end times for dealing with stressful situation. We need the ability to "put it down".
@astrizia
3 ай бұрын
I've collected my major trauma from psychiatric treatment. It's a tricky one because it so easily results in further treatment. That's what happens to many patients and they are terribly misunderstood by professionals and by society.
@lotus-lotus
3 ай бұрын
What a fantastic Good Will Hunting Professor Dr. Vin de Kolk!
@mariavictoria7829
3 ай бұрын
Bessell Van der Kolk is AMAZING! I read his book and just ripped thru it! It was written for the layman and it’s got so many great suggestions to get you through rough times. I absolutely recommend to anyone, even if you don’t have any issues, it will give you tools when they eventually do show up in your life. ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
@MarkThrive
4 ай бұрын
4:47 we are social creatures... our behavior navigating our untreated trauma jeopardizes our relationships... our social connections break down.😞
@jac1161
3 ай бұрын
that's why I always called 'smart' tech, a plandemic. Part of the design to dehumanize
@natashaalicia2.0
Ай бұрын
Let me make a correction at 21 minutes in and help him out when he says: If all of your exes are assholes you might be wrong they might not be assholes because you're the common denominator. OR... All of your exes ARE assholes and yes you're the common denominator but it's because you choose and are attracted to assholes and narcissists because of your trauma. But they all might very well be assholes and narcissists
@PhotoAmbrosia
3 ай бұрын
Thanks Chris! Another ball hit out of the park!! Keep 'em coming!!❤
@lotus-lotus
3 ай бұрын
27:45 defective 28:10 psychedelic 28:45 psychedelic & MDMA 29:14 Inner child 29:23 Psychedelic help you believe 29:50 29:58 30:05 Psychedelic and breathing work 30:31 30:35 Digital static Negative effects
@Tinyteacher1111
4 ай бұрын
I’m new to what trauma does to the nervous system, and I have known about this man and his book. Time to get the book! I’m also new to this channel and a new subscriber! HOW could I have missed this channel?! My adult son is in desperate need of this content, and he’s had debilitating headaches for years, but more intensely after mold, Lyme, and Covid. He’s suicidal because of the pain, but he’s also an addict, so no one will prescribe him pain meds. Ketamine nasals didn’t help. Way more to this, but I’ll leave it at that.
@SisterOfTheFireflies181
3 ай бұрын
@Tinyteacher1111 Have you heard of Joe Dispenza? Chris did an interview with him that you should check out. Then read his books Breaking the Habit of Being Yoursef and You Are the Placebo. Joe is a neuroscientist that is changing the medical establishment with his clinical studies of the brain. His books are life changing. Your son deserves to enjoy a happy and healthy life--I wish him the best!!
@jac1161
3 ай бұрын
nervous system, immune system .... all of it
@faizafar5704
Ай бұрын
One of the best podcasts of Dr.Bessel and excellent questions asked 👏
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