We also covered a video on SIgns You're Not a Bad Person, It's Your Trauma here: kzitem.info/news/bejne/rWdv2KOdsKSfoGU Be sure to watch it if you haven't.
@shadowkingblaze
2 жыл бұрын
May ask you something why is life hard and miserable to my life i im in pain, suffered,fear, is this my question and help me achieve my dream and thank you🥺
@hj-zr3gx
2 жыл бұрын
can you make a video on how to impress my crush in primary school
@CL0NEM
2 жыл бұрын
my man coped too hard and got copium
@aprilraine8889
2 жыл бұрын
Would you guys be able to do a video on Pre-Verbal trauma? Or fit it in some place? I watch these videos as they come up to better identify what I am feeling because I don’t really have the words to describe them. My therapist seems to think this is a good idea so I figured Pre-Verbal might be a subject you would be interested in making a video on because it’s hard to acknowledge a trauma that you can’t really describe.
@sid-
2 жыл бұрын
Could you please give solutions to 0:52 abuse/exploitation coping mechanism
@ives3572
2 жыл бұрын
"Trauma is personal, it does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated, the silent screams continue internally, heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams, healing can begin." - Danielle Bernock
@svenskatomat
Жыл бұрын
I hear it, I just refuse to heal.
@yourstrength1314
Жыл бұрын
Damn…
@tumultuousv
Жыл бұрын
@@svenskatomat why.
@svenskatomat
Жыл бұрын
@@tumultuousv Because I am a man.
@6drk6mrc6
Жыл бұрын
@@svenskatomat Is this irony?
@haebi_
2 жыл бұрын
I just had a "That explains why I have mental health issues" moment
@Human_01
2 жыл бұрын
____________ "Evil" is the anthesis to the virtue 'humanity'. ____________ _To intelligent readers (who do 'not’ have a ‘pathological disregard for rationality and reality')..._ I recommend researching 'narcissitic personality disorder' (NPD) / 'cluster-B'; and know that they are the 'root of all evil' (especially 'ESFJ/ESTJ-narcissits'; Myers-Briggs reference, look it up)! European 'ESFJ' are the worst personality type, and they are responsible for inventing 'racism' and colonization! It is in their neuro-psychology!! They are extremely 'manipulative' and often use 'looking pretty' to distract others from the witch's mind-games / mind-rape, e.g. gaslighting, playing the victim or damsel in distress, creating 'flying-monkeys', and paying others to attack (or at times kill) someone for them. When caught, ESFJ will use their minions as scapegoats. European ESFJ are notorious for this especially in a racist context, e.g. Elliott Till. Amber Heard's brain-formation is that of the ESFJ neuro-personality type (but with cluster-B). This is absolute! Due to practice, ESFJ are natural actors and manipulators. They practice in front of a mirror at a young age, usually late at night (akin to "ritual"). When they "socialise", they are screening and recruiting new (disposable) pawns. This makes their manipulative reach far and wide. This is their natural function and life cycle. Cluster-B only worsens ESFJ's manipulative, predatory-psychology. Undesirable neuro-personality types (ESFJ, ESFP/ISFP), and cluster-b often defend them, ignoring logic, truth and reality - these are general symptoms of their disorder/neuro-psychology. ISFP (and ESFP) are the most complicit, narcissitic-enablers. ISFP also tend to be 'oblivious-codependants' (look up the definition). SUMMARY: Evil personality: ESFJ (ALL), ESTJ (cluster-b) [Secretly] Evil and narcissit-friendly gunts/flying-monkey: ISFP (ALL), ESFP (ALL). ☝️ALL of them are secretly emotionally-disturbed and covert-narcissists (unless they've worked on themselves), hence their need to create conflict (and at other people's expense, truly evil). Spread the word! Thank you. ___________ #Save_Soil
@misscornicat
2 жыл бұрын
Same bestie :D
@haebi_
2 жыл бұрын
@@misscornicat yooooo :DDD
@gada18ani14
2 жыл бұрын
Welcome to the team dear (I hope you’ll leave it soon) I had this moment first time I saw a video from this channel, do seek help if you can and don’t be like me
@chira_1824
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly the same, well I was quite sure that I had at least one but in the end I found out I almost have all of the ones listed…yay
@Wilco31D
Жыл бұрын
The emotional inhibition was spot on. I’m 23 and my parents, or at least my mom, are just now realizing that how they raised me may have made me emotionally cold and inexpressive.
@VoiceOfTheEmperor
Жыл бұрын
Turn down the temperature around her. Be even colder to her until she freezes. She sounds like she deserves it.
@pamelapowell4463
Жыл бұрын
You can gain that back by walking in Christ ! It’s not understanding how put your foot in some one shoes not your fault do not blame yourself ! You can heal only one way! Jesus Christ
@Kirokill1
Жыл бұрын
I overcame this during university abroad by being kind to others. Eventually their compassion softened me.
@Fuxkitrey
Жыл бұрын
couldn’t agree more!
@idk8479
Жыл бұрын
23 here as well. Similar experiences, but they never realize or acknowledge what they have done.
@markphaser5166
Жыл бұрын
I watched this video thinking to myself, "Eh, it's you overreacting again." Then I got to the shame one. I watched it half focusing. Then I suddenly felt something very, very familiar about what was said. The timidness. The self-hatred. The perfectionism. It all came together. Made me realise something.
@Shadowisurdoom
5 ай бұрын
same, sadly
@calicocamaroon
4 ай бұрын
Omg i was going through the exact same emotions haha
@aliifahbianca5504
3 ай бұрын
Same here. Being told as a child that you're overacting when you're just being A CHILD is traumatizing. Now I can't really feel too happy and can't express myself very well.
@leonindustries4706
3 ай бұрын
Same here
@antmess9789
3 ай бұрын
I was given that treatment in the 2nd grade to the degree where I became suicidal. Do not take it lightly. It took my mother and me 15 years to finally undo the damage the evil teacher inflicted on me in 8 months.
@chockontecohs
2 жыл бұрын
having all 7 + already being socially stunted from autism has kept me isolated from the world for 2 decades and the loneliness is suffocating ty for making this very accurate video
@miraculous_posts1810
2 жыл бұрын
I wanted to say the same thing (except I have adhd). It’s so much easier to be traumatised if ur neurodivergent but people don’t understand
@GoriCHAD
2 жыл бұрын
hey man, thanks for sharing your condition, i have all 7 too and just learnt a little bit about autism, the symptoms are scarily accurate for me, been wondering since childhood what made me different compared to the other kids and turns out i most likely have autism too knowing i'm not alone with my condition made me feel better, hope you'll feel the same
@zvnholy3396
2 жыл бұрын
I heard this is the austistic section? I have "only" 4 of these traumas, however being on the austistic scale aswell can certainly be overwhelming. Always being the odd one... Wish for all of us to find our places in the world.
@PyroWolfofEarth
2 жыл бұрын
Yup I started crying. I've also experienced all 7 and am pretty sure I have autism and adhd, but haven't been diagnosed. But it definitely explains so much of my childhood and how I reacted to things.
@miraculous_posts1810
2 жыл бұрын
@@zvnholy3396 especially if u didn’t realise what was wrong with you- the conditions themselves aren’t so bad- it’s how people fail u in the process
@THEsatanicDucky
Жыл бұрын
Rough, I use 6 out of 7 these coping methods. My childhood was fairly traumatic, abandoned and neglected at 5 then abused in all manors until I was 17. I never knew what love truly was until my wife gave birth to our daughter. I still cry when I hold her or put her down for bed because I don't ever want her to feel the way I did. No child deserves to be subjected to that. She's my world and I love her more with each passing day. I will move mountains and steal the stars for her
@bonkpolice7602
Жыл бұрын
Glad to hear you didn't let your past hold you down. Keep it up king, all for her👑
@2023savepalestine
Жыл бұрын
It must be hard for you especially as a father, I am glad you’re getting better and that now you have a wife and daughter all to yourself ❤️I am proud of you
@piek359
Жыл бұрын
This is so beautiful 🥺 God bless you for breaking the cycle
@Tshir-rr1bj
Жыл бұрын
I too have 6 out of 7, and its good too see that you can flourish despite your trauma, and that there is always hope, even if the way forward is long and difficult
@esyphillis101
3 ай бұрын
You sir are blessed for being able to overcome your trauma enough to find a loving wife with whom you could start a family.
@FunkyGaming44
2 жыл бұрын
Shame and unworthiness is so spot on. I always say sorry for everything, I overthink everything and lash out on the littlest problems that are usually my fault, and when I do something right, even perfectly right, I just sit there and can't appreciate that I did it
@chimitrey08
2 жыл бұрын
❤️
@brittnieparker9606
2 жыл бұрын
Mee too. You are not alone
@solonada9602
2 жыл бұрын
These same truths also bind in my life today. As, for example, whenever I perform something correctly or even if I do it better compared to the average man, I just cannot enable myself whatsoever to spend even the briefest moment to applaud and appreciate my performance. No, not at all. That whatever I do I manage to succeed in, I never in return pay respect to myself nor do I think that what I did was adequate enough at all; and instead, I continue to dwell on my firmly consolidated notion that it is impossible for me upon this Earth to accomplish anything that actually merits earnest praise and reverence from people. And if it happens that someone makes an attempt in reassuring me, I then prepare myself to artfully dodge and evade that person's ointment.
@brittnieparker9606
2 жыл бұрын
@@solonada9602 I feel the same way. But we need to learn to be a friend to ourselves. We wouldn't treat someone else that way. It's like self loathing in a way. Well you can squirm all you want but YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE OKAY ALL THE TIME. Make small strides to be a better friend to yourself. You deserve to be happy. I have to remind myself that I should be proud even if I just got out of bed. Even if I didn't get out the bed that is also ok. Be kind to your childhood traumatized self.
@GengUpinIpin
2 жыл бұрын
Speaking of the least important problems... The hell is littlest?
@cranberry420
5 ай бұрын
This explains me more than my therapist could. I've asked her many times why I do things such as thinking the worst from people, and she didn't know why I did. Watching this video, I now know
@Alexzy39
3 ай бұрын
Bruh what kind of therapist is that
@cranberry420
3 ай бұрын
@@Alexzy39 Not a very good one-- I'm in the progress of getting a new one
@kenichewa
3 ай бұрын
Some therapies are based on providing guidance for you to find the answers and do the changes. Maybe you could talk to her about it
@Melina_Evarblume_Seelie
Ай бұрын
@@cranberry420 Their job isn't to tell you what the issue is, it's often to help you come figure out the issue internally. They may genuinely be a bad therapist, but the information you've told us just show them doing their job. Their job is essentially to ask questions (commonly uncomfortable ones) that make you reflect upon yourself and come to your own conclusions.
@tenyvonnes
2 жыл бұрын
clicked on this video a little too fast...
@Theeg0thicc
2 жыл бұрын
Righttt 😅
@MisfitMaya
2 жыл бұрын
I mean I don’t think I have trauma but still lol😂
@spencer__634
2 жыл бұрын
Lmao same
@asiaroderick3006
2 жыл бұрын
Same
@rangerbrandon8610
2 жыл бұрын
Yea, same
@pepper0111
2 жыл бұрын
It sucks when you actually don’t know that its trauma. You start questioning and analyzing everything. It keeps you awake at night wondering what and where it went wrong. Everyday life seems harder when you’re busy picking apart every details and situations just so that you won’t get hurt again.
@winston-churchill
2 жыл бұрын
Thought it was just me....
@ikhlasulamaliyah8207
Жыл бұрын
Oml im not alone...
@zachsilby4569
Жыл бұрын
Emotional neglect, shame, and unworthiness. Yup. Love that tag-team of "If I can't do it myself, without help, then I'm worth nothing good and it is better if I don't give my input, because I am not the one going through their situation, so how would I know better?"
@DarksteelHeart
3 ай бұрын
Being cheated on definitely causes mistrust. The damage is so real, especially if it was more than once. I tend to keep everyone at arms length, ever ready for the inevitable knife in my back. That was spot on. Trying really hard to get past this.
@SlavicDedede
Жыл бұрын
Man, as much as it pains me to say this, you were pretty spot on. The emotional neglect one, the shame one and the emotional inhibition one were like a retelling of my life and trouble with my mom.
@laceyloops
9 ай бұрын
I love my mum but i'm seeing a trend here... Mums can really mess people up. A few hours ago I was just thinking to myself, I think I expect my mother to love me in ways she cannot. I think we have extremely high expectations of how our mothers shiuld love us. Sad to say they keep disappointing us. I think this is why mu.s can be so traumatizing. Lemme just throw it out there because I need to remember this myself... Only God can give me the kind of love I need...
@mariejosephineraja9028
5 ай бұрын
I guess it's a common thing if our mums are always working and we only see them for a few hours before they sleep. Or they run off and help people while their own children are sometimes caught in the dumpster fire of our minds and they are drowning in it.
@cryolitegem
Жыл бұрын
That last one hit so close to home I almost teared up. Like if that section of the video lasted any longer I might’ve cracked. And for anyone feeling the same way, I promise you there are ways to be helped. I’ve been seeing a counselor for the past 5+ years and while that aspect of me is still present, it is significantly easier to manage.
@misspat7555
5 ай бұрын
You talk like tears are a bad thing. They’re just our bodies’ way of attempting to recover from severe stress. Bullies don’t like them because they want to be able to inflict pain with no personal consequences, including feeling bad themselves. 😭
@EternalRiver90
2 жыл бұрын
The dependency is a HUGE one for me... I’ve been insanely coddled my whole life and still am... it’s nearly impossible for me to mentally grow up... I’ve been trying for years... and I’m still nowhere near independent... I can relate to a couple others as well but that one’s #1...
@dee23gaming
2 жыл бұрын
I have this too, and it angers me so much, but my parents don't acknowledge it.
@daffodil815
2 жыл бұрын
BRO SAME..
@exosproudmamabear558
2 жыл бұрын
I had depression for all my puberty and adult life so my mother did almost everything for me now I cant seem to get out of this bubble since my depression and anxiety make everything worse. I have been trying but every time I get into a new depression it just regresses to start. It is pretty annoying to start over every freaking year
@sparkstudies1675
2 жыл бұрын
Hey, it's okay, you all will make it. It's not too late to learn One day at a time and have patience with yourself. Believe in your abilities :) Coming from the same place, so I know what it's like.
@sapphireenvy
2 жыл бұрын
Same too!!
@vanishred1111
Жыл бұрын
Emotional deprivation + approval / recognition-seeking were practically on spot for me, and I never realized that those were a thing until now :')
@michael0o0
11 ай бұрын
Same, I was surprised that it was an actual trauma. Good to know am not alone
@Doctor-Stoppage
Жыл бұрын
I was about 9 when I refused to ever show/talk about my emotions because I knew they were a weakness that would be used against me later. And I was about 12 when I realized people only want us around when we're useful. This video is so on point it's quite scary.
@kojack635
Жыл бұрын
Sad but true. People don't want to be around you unless you have something to offer.
@user-pd9ju5dk5s
Жыл бұрын
Nobody really loves you for who you truly are. They just like what you can provide for them.
@angelicasysnila5476
Жыл бұрын
It's sad that we had to discover something so brutal. I don't know why people dont understand that relationships are more important than getting benefits from people around you cuz those benefits isn't gonna give you a fortune. In the end, it's your hardwork that's gonna give you whatever you want. So you just destroyed a sweet moment you could be having with people around you, by only thinking about taking benefits out of them. Like my friends only thought about how they could steal or take my money, instead of thinking about making good memories with me. That money they took/stole from me did nothing to get them far in life. But only few intelligent beings think like this. Others are just stupid, they won't get this thing.
@truthoverlies6434
Жыл бұрын
Oh man, you're so victimized. Here's your victim badge of honor 🏳🌈
@user-pd9ju5dk5s
Жыл бұрын
@@truthoverlies6434 Wow, you're such a macho tough guy. Bet you also sit five ft away from dudes bc you're not gay, right? 🤣
@patriaciasmith3499
Жыл бұрын
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
@Jennifer-bw7ku
Жыл бұрын
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, I would like to give them a try but haven't found any legit grower to get it.
@Jennifer-bw7ku
Жыл бұрын
@michealharris3221Is he on instagram?
@AnjeloValeriano
Жыл бұрын
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU
Жыл бұрын
Shrooms was the best trip I had. It was an amazing experience.
@pandapuffzee8255
Жыл бұрын
I am so happy for you! I hope the best for you and yours.
@indamaking
Жыл бұрын
Never judge another person because you don’t know what they could be going through and why they act the way they do.
@13ritneyanne
Жыл бұрын
Exactly!
@oniemployee3437
Жыл бұрын
We'll always judge because judging you for ourselves and our peers is a good way categorise you. You're a stranger so we need all the information we can get, surface or otherwise. That's why it's important to recognize these coping mechanisms and break them. Don't be sorry for yourself, be better.
@YTjdgrj
Жыл бұрын
People abuse others because they went through trauma and had a bad coping mechanism. Hurt people hurt, doesn't mean it's ok nor they should be free of judgement.
@FroppyFroggy
Жыл бұрын
As someone with trauma I completely disagree. If someone is being a d-ck, regardless of their trauma, they are open for judgement and to be called out. In fact it's better to set them straight then to encourage unhealthy and horrible behaviour. I myself have been judged harshly yet none of it was inaccurate. I would also like to add on that it stopped me from becoming more abusive than I already was. You people are not helping them, you are leading to their destruction. They say "The abused becomes the abuser if the abused does no heal" And you can not heal if people keep telling you, you are fine.
@ninshu412
Жыл бұрын
@@FroppyFroggy I agree. My ex used to say the most toxic stuff to me. So, I let it go for about 2 months before I started to give her the same type of treatment. She was a lying, cheating, manipulating, gaslighting, narcissist who still till this day can not take accountability. Now as she tells it, she's a "traumatized victim" even tho she was the abuser. Crazy how disgusting and unaccountable people can be. Just push it onto somebody else because accepting the fact you're a piece of shit is a hard pill to swallow. But she had no issue swallowing other things lol.
@Zoleroid
Жыл бұрын
I didn't think my childhood was traumatic, I thought i was living life to the max But I relate with every single one of these And the worst part is I don't even care anymore. Like I used to get a little sad when I'd watch a video like this and realize the extent of how broken I am.. and it would motivate me to get better, I'd suddenly feel the urge to find help and fix myself But I think that little shred of hope has finally slipped out of my grasp and I've completely given up
@_JVNG_
10 ай бұрын
It's okay!
@benpearson49
3 ай бұрын
This is why self-diagnose doesn't work.
@juliaburkholder4213
3 ай бұрын
I hope you're doing ok ❤ I know it's tough
@Kabiriii
3 ай бұрын
You sound like me. Raised by a narcissist perhaps ?
@karanhdream
Жыл бұрын
As someone who suffers of chronic emotional abandonment, a bad sense of self-worth, negative view of others, keeping others at a distance, relying only on myself and the inability to ask for help are all very accurate. This vid is a very well done and simple way of explaining it to others, good job 🥰
@Monicalia
Жыл бұрын
are you me? You literally described me to a T. It sucks. Sometimes I feel like a bad person, but I just know it's my coping mechanisms because I'm so afraid of being hurt again.
@amihere383
Жыл бұрын
Literally me. It's good to know i'm not alone in this. I mean it's sad, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but you get what I mean.
@ayuwoki453
Жыл бұрын
It is what it is, the world isn't gonna change for us so we can't change how we are if we're not to be backstabbed again.
@moondreamy
Жыл бұрын
A few of these speak to me. Friends have betrayed me and I feel numb to it. Emotional deprivation is big. My parents did that a lot. Never there for my emotional needs. My parents fight whenever they directly communicate. Mom criticises me on every single thing and it all makes me self conscious, and feel unworthy. I've been trying to stop being timid and people pleasing, which are habits I could break out of only after spending time at a hostel for academy. Away from my mother and in an environment where saying no was necessary. And yeah, my past consisted of approval recognition, though I realised it after I stopped getting the achievements that would help me get that approval. Overly self critical. Yeah, maybe I am that. Wondering if I can ever do anything good. I can't express my feelings easily either. Crying is hard, and I've gotten a few setbacks just recently and I'm... I don't know how to explain this. A little bit numb. A little hopeless. That's all.
@kynriayurei
2 жыл бұрын
unfortunately, i relate to all of them, i'm an extremely traumatized person in every single way, i've been abused emotionally, physically and sexually, i end up being a broken mess of feelings and it's really hard to keep myself together at all times, i've grown up with people screaming at me left and right, and i couldn't take it anymore. Now i'm in a much better spot, i have developed multiple skills extensively that helped me overcome a lot of stuff, but my traumas still play a huge role on me, and it's easy to tell, and i'm extremely overanalytical of people around me, so i can see if they're false friends, or if they're influencing me in a bad way, using me, etc. It's honestly sad how inconsiderate of others people act sometimes, they don't understand how easy it is to traumatize someone only with words, and compromise them for basically the rest of their life, now i have a supportive group of friends, but i still can't get through the thought of them only doing it out of pity, not because they genuinely think of me as a friend, it's such a huge bubble of insecurities. And all the way, my self-worth has been dropping like an elevator, and it's been extremely inconsistent, and i can't trust myself to do stuff, i overcriticize myself and try to find the smallest thing to blame myself with, and it happens everytime.
@MaRin34lyf
2 жыл бұрын
It seems like you’ve really had a rough go of it. It’s fantastic that you are aware of the ways you cope with your trauma and why you have the trauma in the first place, I imagine that would make it easier to recognize negative patterns which can be very helpful. I agree with you, it is really frustrating just how many people can traumatize others without a second thought. It makes me feel very sad. The world would be so much more pleasant if everyone was kind. I see you and I am glad that you are still here being an empathetic person in the overwhelming world we live in.
@alessiazuppardi8849
2 жыл бұрын
Thankyou for sharing your story, I hope you’ll feel better and can deal with the trauma eventually at ur own pace! :) it’s really crazy how accurate these videos are…
@Bxrben_Dr1p
2 жыл бұрын
omg that must be so horrible i feel bad for you arkyia, i hope you are now in a better mind-space then you were back when you were abused.
@vishvaasvardaan
Жыл бұрын
I've also went through the same during my childhood. I did know about the underlying issues but I didn't know that there was documented list of traumas and I ended up having them all. I guess now I'll be better able to differentiate
@Sally_the_GG
Жыл бұрын
To be honest, all of these apply to me. Although I'm in therapy. Life is just a bundle of struggles but you can always find ways to undo the knots in our worlds
@voidishprattles4319
Жыл бұрын
If I may. I've experienced a lot of trauma the kind of trauma that makes you hate the entire human race, and I've found my pain has at times taken complete control of me, but Jung's concept of the Shadow and his focus on the subconscious has helped me. What I did that helped me, was personifying and separating the part of me that was hurting... I asked her name and she told me Dragon and it felt right, and because that's what she looked like that's how she acted. Like a monster that wanted nothing more than isolation or destruction. I spoke to her like a friend, like she wasn't me, and through this dialogue we've... Improved. It's not perfect but it's gotten better. Over the years I've realized while she may be a dragon on the outside, while I may be someone filled and surrounded by pain and hate that, inside she's much more like a mouse, small and weak and terrified of a world that hates mice. Just... Felt if it helped me i should share it.
@ord3r781
Жыл бұрын
I’m glad that ended up helping you! I’ve tried something similar in the past but could never get past the mindset of “Those voices are from me”
@gaegurijuin
Жыл бұрын
This is definitely helpful, thank you for sharing! I'm also interested in learning about Jung's work, so this makes me more curious to learn about it and how it works. I hope you continue to explore and accept all the different parts of your mind and keep making progress :)
@BibleNutter
Жыл бұрын
Interesting. I just talk to myself and pace. 😅
@Seek_Grass
Жыл бұрын
I started this process as well way back ago, and all I ended up was naming my demons lol. I don't know if it was better before but I don't feel anything changed other than me materializing him in thought and perhaps being able to argue in thought.
@sigacious
Жыл бұрын
you said it perfectly. thank you.
@houssam19941
8 ай бұрын
The most traumatic situation for me was being betrayed by my friends when I was young, and feeling that my parents were not there to support me.
@GeekNArtist
Жыл бұрын
I could totally relate to emotional inhibition, often being told not to get upset by my parents and other authority figures. Invalidated for my emotions was part of my life, growing up, and still is, in my family. That is why I sometimes have outbursts and act out of character. I've even developed other personalities and am a dissociative system. I was called "cry baby" while still a child. My psychological trauma really fudged me up!
@MisfitMaya
2 жыл бұрын
The last one kinda got me😅 I was crying over a game because the cashier forgot to ring it up and my dad told me to stop and said to stop crying over stupid stuff.The thing is I was young so I took that as stop crying completely. Now I’m struggling with crying for no reason at random times and the only time I feel happy is when I’m with the people I love other than that I’m in a hole of sadness if something’s not occupying me
@friendlybread3056
2 жыл бұрын
Sameee! Well, different reason ofc, like I’m pretty sensitive, so I don’t like to cry because when I get embarrassed, and it takes a toll on me 😓
@firestar023
2 жыл бұрын
Reason for me was i was often in the house when my mom started yelling at my sister for crying. I never had to deal with it directly, because i became practically emotionless around my mother. I’d put on so many masks, and when i decided to try and forgive her, she almost dissowned my sister while i was in the exact same room. I can not show certain emotions atound her, without fear of getting yelled at. So i just block them off, sadness included. Some people are able to drag those blocked emotions out of me, but thats a very short list.
@MisfitMaya
2 жыл бұрын
@@firestar023 dang
@Wanderer24
2 жыл бұрын
Dude, you said you're in a hole of sadness when you're not around other people. How do you get out? I've been falling into some unhealthy habits because I feel... something I don't even know. All I know is that something in me is breaking and it's causing a lot of problems. I need help more than I want to believe. If you just want to talk about what you have I'm sure I would love to be a part of that. Maybe talking to someone will help me too
@MisfitMaya
2 жыл бұрын
@@Wanderer24 sure we can talk in the yt comments if you we ever need someone to vent too if that’s ok with you😁
@ocmetals4675
Жыл бұрын
I’m lucky. I grew up in a single parent. We were heading down the emotional inhibition route but she corrected her ways in time and I grew up relatively healthy. I lucked out. She passed away last year and miss her terribly. She was a good mom.
@Spectreval
9 ай бұрын
Emotional deprivation can have many faces. I was 30 years old when I realized that because throughout my whole childhood and teen years my mother's whole attention and emotional support were directed towards my very ill father, it made me overly self-reliant and engraved a deep feeling of loneliness in me. I wasn't feeling directly hurt by her actions, because I also was worried about my father, but as a result I involuntarily learned that others' emotions are more important than mine.
@dragonswirl3579
Жыл бұрын
"approval recognition seeking" is so hard to understand that it's traumatic. I refused to acknowledge I had trauma and trauma responses up until just a few months ago because I didn't think it was anything serious. And it's not as serious as many other traumas, but it can still seriously mess you up. It leads you to think you're worthless without your status, and when you start declining due to trauma depression and anxiety, that false belief about yourself really makes everything so much worse. I'm glad people are starting to recognize it. Thanks for adding it
@khaoticevil1065
Жыл бұрын
Damn, the fact that I can relate to Abandonment, Emotional Deprivation, Shame, and Incompetence is just showing me how much I need help. Even though I have gotten a bit better at showing and telling my emotions it really is a learning curve for sure.
@ash_cashh420
4 ай бұрын
I feel this too I struggle so hard with expressing how I’m feeling cuz I’m worried I’ll hurt the persons feelings
@etsubstantiam
Жыл бұрын
I feel the last one so much. I was raised by a really strict mother who used to beat/hit me very often. And I wasn’t allowed to show emotions either. For example, whenever I cried in front of my grandmother, she said in a very cold tone: “Don’t cry, it doesn’t help you” And those moments felt like my soul was ripped apart. I also weren’t allowed to be angry, cause that was considered as “disrespectful”. All this physical and mental abuse resulted in hating my mother so much that I wanted to kill her. And whenever she died, I wanted to dance on her grave. But as the years went on my mother became more calm and now I’ve forgiven her. But I tend to burst out of anger and it’s also very hard for me to stay calm/control emotions. And sometimes I just stare still randomly remembering traumatic events with tears in my eyes/running down my cheek.
@siriussslate6832
Жыл бұрын
It's okay, the best you can do is accept emotion as it comes and figure out what it needs. it's okay to go through emotions.
@etsubstantiam
Жыл бұрын
@@siriussslate6832 thank you, I appreciate it^^
@joylynch5204
Жыл бұрын
You are a very strong person to forgive your mother. Well done . I am sorry for the pain that she and your grandmother have caused.
@ivix9536
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for the story but no one cares
@bellaluce7088
Жыл бұрын
I think you probably helped heal someone today by being so honest about your experience and emotions. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope things continue to improve for you. ❤
@ホ太郎
Жыл бұрын
This is so far one of the videos that I really relate to. My coping mechanisms before were all of this, they weren't as traumatizing as others might have experienced but experiencing all of those as a child really made me develop all of those coping mechanisms. However, over time I overcame most of them and in the process of accepting oneself. To anyone reading this, I hope you have a great day ahead of you.
@KiraSlith
Жыл бұрын
Deprivation, definitely. Spent the first 16-18 years of my life (depending on how you count it) being told to "be quiet", "do something else", "go away", and eventually "go to your room". I was already my mother's little unwanted shame from day one since my father was a spineless coward who fled, and none of my family was exactly too shy to admit it besides my mother herself (though her actions spoke for her). Never really interacted with my family because anything that reminded them I exist got me trouble. Asking questions got me told to go away, real great for a curious 4 year old eager to learn. Laughing out loud at jokes and puns in shows got me yelled at and spanked during TV time when everyone else was interacting, so I stopped participating. I owned plenty of toys I wasn't allowed to play with because they were always too noisy for someone in one way or another way, and if I had too much fun with a videogame where they could see me I'd get yelled at for laughing or mocked for fidgiting instead. The abuse over laughing in general still has me self-conscious about watching anything "comedy" today as a 28 year old adult. It's also why I tend to keep something in my mouth, can't laugh with cheese-its or gum in my mouth. I've always been the fat ugly one, like objectively, and I understood that early on. Looking in a mirror always feels like a stranger is staring back at me, but what's a shut-away supposed to do about that? Crooked teeth with enormous k9s and a hint of underbite, a blubbery round face, a permanent rat's nest of hair, and lifelong pudge that started with being guilted by my grandmother for not eating enough of her cooking. So of course I never really had friends at school either, or much of a shot. The only person I really interacted with was my uncle, and only when he wanted feedback on his mod for Unreal Tournament, a game I clung to for the attention I craved until I got too good at it and he smashed his monitor... I have the replacement he had to buy. Why am I holding onto a 20 year old LCD monitor I have no use for, when all it does is remind me I'm not allowed to be "too good" at something? I don't know, maybe it's some kind of twisted self-hatred, maybe it's a spiteful trophy, or maybe I'm just a low-key hoarder. No amount of introspection has yet revealed why...
@BiggestMan69
Жыл бұрын
That's rough. I hope you find happiness.
@Ammarsafwan7
Жыл бұрын
Trauma can either destroy one or develop one into a monster
@laceyloops
9 ай бұрын
I love my mum but i'm seeing a trend here... Mums can really mess people up. A few hours ago I was just thinking to myself, I think I expect my mother to love me in ways she cannot. I think we have extremely high expectations of how our mothers should love us. Sad to say they keep disappointing us. I think this is why mums can be so traumatizing. Lemme just throw it out there because I need to remember this myself... Only God can give me the kind of love I need...
@betsymerrill923
9 ай бұрын
I sure can relate
@minnie21434
8 ай бұрын
Sending hugs and lots of love your way...I can relate a lot with feeling like the "fat ugly one"...I cope with food and video games because all my life I was prevented from going out of the house, spending time with friends at their houses or going for outings. My dad was the primary reason of my fuked up life, he didn't believe I could ever do anything by myself & still yells at me if I make a mistake always reminding me that I'm irresponsible and useless. Therapy has helped a lot, though I could use it more, I've come to accept my body because of it and have understood that even if nobody likes me (the way I look), the only thing that matters is that I'm happy with my body and that I take care of it as an act of self love. I hope you're able to escape your family members and find some friends that turn into your real family. I wish you nothing but warm hugs, happiness and cuddles from fluffy pets :D
@MetaGiga
Жыл бұрын
Growing up, I was emotionally abused by my dad. I was yelled at by him at least 3-4 times a week for not doing things right or having bad grades. When the storm was over and I was completely shattered, he would see how awful I looked and say “Can I have a hug?” in order to diffuse the situation, which I would always agree to do because it meant that it would stop. I had a childhood filled with stress and I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 10. My mom would try her best to help by diverting my dad’s attention away from me, but that would just end up in a major argument and me hiding in the bathroom with a handheld game. To this day, I can’t stop apologizing for things that aren’t even worth apologizing for. I even apologize for things that I didn’t do. My friends also tell me to stop self deprecating, but I’ve been doing it for so long that I genuinely can’t even tell if I’m doing it or not. To top it all off, I can’t say anything good about myself without also bringing up a few flaws. In my mind, I’m not deserving of being able to brag about my strengths because it would be selfish to do so. I’m doing my best to work on myself, but there’s just some things that trauma pounds into your mind that takes more willpower to get over than cigarettes.
@Onyx-qd9tl
Жыл бұрын
Emotional Deprivation was my armor in the military. Best not to get attached when everyone around you is disposable…. But it’s a kryptonite in the civilian world, where people and things not only can have permanence, but need to…
@Relco12
Жыл бұрын
Just learning this now in the military as well, I don’t think getting too attached with my division is very good for me
@sadia2395
Жыл бұрын
Cant begin to imagine how tough it would have been in the military and hence the need to develop detachment. For me its very applicable in civil life.Being emotionally abandoned by family has been a thing.Also, people move on once you arent working together.no call no texts.so yeah i dont get attached either and can never ask for help cz it was always denied whenever I outright asked ( even by family).I still thimk its a great way to be,do never depend on others.
@Onyx-qd9tl
Жыл бұрын
@@sadia2395 I think being careful who to attach to emotionally is important.. But not attaching to anyone is dangerous. Connection is typically the key. You won’t connect with everyone, nor do you have to. Sometimes people you feel you should be close to, like family or coworkers you spend most of your time with, isn’t as much of an option as we like. As terrible as it sounds, sometimes the social environment we’ve been dealt sucks… But life is defined by our relationships. No one sits on their deathbed wishing they’d gotten more hours in at work. Those who wish they had traveled more or experienced more, do so too loving friends, spouses, or family they are close to. Failing to connect with anyone, even by choice, is a deepening wound that will eventually bleed is to death. I learned this myself over years that were married by grey days and heart ache. But we’re not confined to the hand we’re are dealt. If it’s hard to reach out to others for help, so be it. Reach out because others out there need you too. Decide who to spend your time with carefully, but for those who seem worthy of affection, offer them yours. You may be surprised to find it is a two way street.
@merlinambrosius_7
Ай бұрын
It is absurd, how relevant, relatable and immensely alluring this video is, legitimately true and well, we need to share this around to make ourselves realise that our reality is concerning
@uenoyamaritsuka2366
2 жыл бұрын
I really needed this today. I've matched with more 4 of these coping mechanisms, and consequently I became certain the damage that has been inflicted on me. This was very helpful to know, thank you. Seeing this videos and the comments makes me feel much better, I'm another one in the bunch of people who are similarly struggling so much mentally. Much much love and support for all of you out there!💘 let's hope we can overcome these soon.
@marilynschmidt6400
2 жыл бұрын
Try changing your name to something positive. Take care🙏 😇 💜
@ives3572
2 жыл бұрын
"Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone." - Fred Rogers
@tessa63627
Жыл бұрын
one of the greats
@wolfgodfenrir
Жыл бұрын
At some point or another I've been through so much of this on multiple occasions in the past. Some of it still sticks to this day. I'd often get asked how I'm so good at games or pvp in multiplayers and my response sits something around "It's easy, this is what I did to cope with myself. I'd trade it any day for having my pure stability, but I know it doesn't work like that, so here we are." Even a partner I fell in love with who baited me just so they could prey on the kind of loyalty I give, I stuck with them and put up with it for months only for a therapist to tell me they are a covert narcissist. Every invisible red flag suddenly was clear and I was more damaged than the state of my family left me in years prior. I still feel all the things I did, I am just afraid to show that love because these built in fears and insecurities from essentially what this video covers. Having to live in every day like that, with a few moments of reprieve now and then, it's hard. I had friends I thought were there, though even some of the closest can go just as new ones come. I still continue to retain my sociable approaches in hopes I'll find good friends who want to stick around, I'm used to being used and discarded by acquaintances I used to let in so easily. Basically I live by "don't get your hopes up, don't let your guard down" It really hurts sometimes. I also tend to meet others who have had these things happen to them, it feels less lonely and yet I feel horrible any of this happens to anyone.
@JacobP.Jackson
2 ай бұрын
"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." Meaning the objective is always correct in order to beat the monster is to face the abyss head on show courage and be brutally honest
@bear9322
Жыл бұрын
so you’re just gonna make an entire video about me huh.
@priiaroyale
5 ай бұрын
ikrr
@Olen_Lunastettu828
4 ай бұрын
Right?! As if we don’t feel called out enough 😂 ❤❤❤
@dontknowmyname4265
3 ай бұрын
I know this is one year ago, but I agree so much. Like, I realized how many traumas I have.
@Isimpoverfictionalmen
2 ай бұрын
Yeah I really got called out
@acatinabox1405
2 ай бұрын
😭
@bigweeb8861
2 жыл бұрын
I've experienced a lot of these I reckon. For this particular trauma I'm gonna explain, it would be (fear of) abandonment, emotional inhibition, and another point: pessimism. A few years ago, the news of my classmate's s**cide broke out to me when I was hanging out with a friend. I never got over it, even when I was told to. Ever since that, I've been mostly pessimistic towards anything that may happen in my life. Expecting a lower grade. Expecting an argument or rude remark instead of kindness and empathy or a compliment. Expecting that everyone hates me instead of loving me. Like MJ's quote from Spider-Man: No Way Home, "expect disappointment and you'll never be disappointed." If I expect the worst, then I won't feel (as) hurt if it does come true. If I expect the worst, I'll be happier if it doesn't come true. This constant pattern of thinking... It does cause me so much anxiety, I'll admit. It's just one of the things that helped me cope.
@prapanthebachelorette6803
2 жыл бұрын
Wait, we’re so alike in a way of dealing with things in life
@pyroclastixx6969
Жыл бұрын
Several of these are things I dealt with. My mom walked out on us when I was 6 and what replaced her was an emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive step-mother and an emotionally absent father. I would go months and months being isolated from my siblings and the only time I was ever talked to was downwardly. Nothing I ever did was enough for either of the two adult figures in my life and what resulted was a 27 year old who feels very little for those around me (I have attachment issues), quick mood swings that typically result in first explosive anger then followed immediately by a deep valley of regret and sadness. I have been single for most of my adult life because most of my partners know that I have very little emotional intelligence and it hurts to think that something I had no control over took such a massive toll on my entire life. I cant imagine that getting help would do much for me at this point because I've already unpacked what the causes were and I've come to terms with what has happened. I cut off my abusive parents and I reconnected with my mother who left. But I still feel astoundingly empty all the time. I'm not sure where I'm going with this and I doubt anyone would respond... Idk I guess I just wanted to share my experience.
@queenhearts9613
Жыл бұрын
I am 20 I feel your pain and the emptiness of not having parents who cared❤ I too am emotional and go from happy to angry to sad very quick. I started therapy from October and it's helping, there is good days and bad days please don't think you aren't worthy of love we all are. I still live with my parents unfortunately but can't wait to leave when I save up after a few years 🎉🎉 .Just want to say you are amazing for all the hard work you have put in your life 💕.
@buddinglight
Жыл бұрын
Sending you all the happiness
@pamelapowell4463
Жыл бұрын
Love you are worth healing but we have seen God I have this same issue how ever been on the walk with Jesus 5 years struggling to find the healing g I need, due truma my inner child does not want let go pain because in the healing when first began letting go of addictions I lost a lot! Things I had work hard for coming out of homelessness an making my way back up to lose it all again in the healing process now I am at this stage now that Iam fighting it because I watched myself lose so much just not willing to want lose an I do not have much at all only a car but bless to have it it’s paid for! As far home I live with my brother in law who sick as well after losing my sister to cancer! So at this point Iam stuck because inner child has seem so much lose in her life I just do not care see any more! I do understand how you feel but you worthy of healing I want give up I will keep fighting to win my battle ! How ever change did also cost me the church I once attended due fact they did not believe in the things I now was tought bu christ like not celebrate Xmas hollweeen because it is Dominic ! So you lose things like this is the process of healing , which where you feel you can praise how ever not having a church to be apart of is not hard because you do not fit into any type religion because they all seems to be nothing more then made men an lies! The Bible clearly speaks of pegan holidays but yet they keep practicing this which is not of God! You feel lost in world that base on much lies an deception! To see the light is truly something it takes time to process ! Just now waking up to it all after practicing new age deception, not long ago so it just blowing my mind to have change once again ! You have to be easy with your self an be self aware an read Bible !
@Hadesheart-nn3nd
11 ай бұрын
All people deserve happiness, even you😊
@skooba___
10 ай бұрын
My childhood was very similar but i didnt meet my mum until i was 4. Abusive,manipulative step mother, absemt father, only child until my half sister. Which then i got to see how families love somebody left wondering why cant i have that to. I could go on.. Im in the same boat, therapy isnt helping, ive unpacked shit. I feel you, keep ya head up! If you ever want to talk, give us a shout!
@LadyyJesus
5 ай бұрын
The last one hit too hard. Instead of being told to “get over it”, I was always told I was being attention seeking. Now, sometimes, I can’t even tell if what I’m feeling is real, or if I’m just making it up. I’m afraid to express any emotion because I don’t want people to think I want attention, or to react negatively to me.
@themphantom9138
Жыл бұрын
4:43 "Do you relate to any of the things we've mentioned here?" Me: "Like, 4 or 5 of them"
@keirab.4851
Жыл бұрын
Glad I’m not alone
@willardSpirit
2 жыл бұрын
After reckoning years of family neglect and parentifcation, recently I realized I'm avoidant in any relationship to not feel that pain of abandonment from anyone. I want to be close but only at a distance 😔
@LtRee96se
2 жыл бұрын
You are not alone in that. I'm there, too.
@Hmm-mq5tt
2 жыл бұрын
Let's connect through the internet! :)
@LtRee96se
2 жыл бұрын
@@Hmm-mq5tt Isn't this the internet?
@Hmm-mq5tt
2 жыл бұрын
@@LtRee96se yes, it is. Internet can feel as if people are close, but you can ignore the whole thing and be alone whenever you want to.
@LtRee96se
2 жыл бұрын
@@Hmm-mq5tt True
@terrywhite6249
2 жыл бұрын
#7 can be caused just by the way people don't want to deal with mental health or issues like terminal illnesses. I spent most of my childhood with a terminally ill mom, and when she finally passed away when I was 16, my teachers were shocked. All of them said they thought she had recovered. Classmates had no idea what to say since they thought my mom was fine. Because any time anyone asked, I just shrugged and said she was "okay". I learned very early that when people ask how you are or how my mom was doing, I'd just say "okay". The month before she died, she was transferred from a hospital to hospice, and I told people she was out of the hospital and one teacher thought that meant she was better. I had a classmate shocked that my mom didn't somehow survive because people aren't supposed to die when they're in their 40s. My mom's death was the only time that teachers and classmates actually had to confront what I had been going thru for 10+ years. Before that, they honestly didn't want to hear my mom was in horrific pain and slowly dying and there was nothing doctors could do to help or save her. And at no one during those 10 years did anyone at school want to hear about that. All they wanted to hear was my mom was better.
@amsanchez1675
Жыл бұрын
Totally hear you. In the US (and many capitalist-centric societies), we lack a culture for grief and a culture for illness, especially chronic illness. Your personal example is clearly one. For many others, the attitudes of employers during the pandemic was a national reckoning with the lack of actual care for health, well-being, and loss. I hope you've been finding ways to heal.
@jacklynch8915
Жыл бұрын
The abandonment one was spot on for me, especially when she said "you leave before you get left". That hit a bit too close to home
@Asto508
2 жыл бұрын
I'd also call those coping mechanisms just survival strategies. They can become a problem over time if you are unable to adjust them when your life has become less threatening, but they are still there for keeping you safe and alive and have a very important purpose. If you let go completely, you get prone again to become abused, so it's really about moderation and finding a good balance.
@LowKoLissa
2 жыл бұрын
I can see so much of myself (in my twenties) in these. It's still a struggle some days. But at 45, I can say that I've definitely grown beyond most of these examples. Don't feel like you're just stuck where you are if some of these resonate with you NOW. I wouldn't go back to my childhood for a billion dollars and unlimited puppies. But I've fought hard to break cycles. There is always hope. 💜
@michellesalazar2768
2 жыл бұрын
AMEN.True to that..
@bean6047
Жыл бұрын
The last one makes a lot of sense for me or others with autism. As a child my emotions were often disregarded because it was hard to understand me, now as an adult I tend to lean to outbursts. The first one was very relatable as well as someone whose dealt with a lot of untrustworthy people as I’ve aged. I don’t assume someone’s untrustworthy, but if they prove themselves to be then everything they do from that point on is an act of manipulation in my eyes
@ashhole03
2 ай бұрын
2:00 I didn't even realize that this was traumatic 4:33 That's why I started self harming when I was just 4 or 5 to cope with my emotions that I was forced to hold in for fear of punishment.
@bloxmaker5900
Жыл бұрын
I wasn't expecting to relate to so many of these. I've been going to therapy for almost a year originally related to abuse where I learned I had some of these intrusive thoughts (unworthiness and being sensitive, not wanting to ask for help/emotional deprivation, and getting PTSD from abuse).
@potatsnas_
Жыл бұрын
This video just solidifies that all I went through makes me slowly cope with my mental health terribly. Its been years and I still havent learned how to cope healthily or open up properly without spilling everyhing in one go
@pobl6650
2 жыл бұрын
I never like to self diagnose when it comes these things, but its always nice to bounce ones own issues and past experiences off these videos, thank you so much for your dedication to mental health, your work means so much to many people
@spiritwalker6153
Жыл бұрын
I can truly relate to the first two, abuse exploitation and abandonment. As a child, I was constantly bullied by my classmates and sometimes even the teachers in my school system. I was also given up for adoption at birth which (though prior to this, I would never admit it) might explain my abandonment issues. Thank you for the insight.
@labaccident2010
Жыл бұрын
I got some of all of them. I finally figured out how to take baby steps to get better. It’s rough, but to anyone else struggling, you got this! You absolutely got this!
@edanpino-xt1ph
11 ай бұрын
You mentioning distrust in others is actually really accurate. I’m extremely paranoid about people I’m not incredibly close with. If it isn’t family and only family in my house, it isn’t home anymore. I stop acting like the king of my own castle and I instead act like I’m just visiting. Hell, sometimes I even grow suspicious of people who drive behind me at night. I’m also paranoid about my tools, because I grew up with knives, axes, and guns around, and I’m familiar with how they fail. So I get paranoid about how the tools I have will fail me
@russellcollins4291
2 жыл бұрын
Most of these are daily struggles for me. Seeing them laid out simply like this can be helpful to untangle them. Thanks for the vid, and good luck to everyone else struggling with their demons, too!
@Valri_N
Жыл бұрын
I watch your videos once or twice a month because they open my eyes to things I don’t want to face, worsening my depression. I don’t take therapy, which makes it worse, my parents, and friends don’t know and I end up not even facing the things your videos take me to realize. Keep up the good work tho. Hope everyone here has a nice day. Life is something short that you can come to despise and not want, but we must persevere through that, as those thoughts are the things that you will regret.
@agmvero
2 жыл бұрын
I have a minor connection with a few, but "#7: Emotional inhibition" definitely applies to me 100%. When I was younger I had an abusive Grandparent who had horrible anger management issues, so when I was about kindergarten age and would cry he would hit me really hard until I stopped (unsurprisingly, it made it worse.) When I was in school for the next (about) 6 years, I had trouble controlling my emotions (probably because I had already been put through short extremes of emotional inhibition) which caused me to be told for several more years of my life to "get a grip on my emotions." I eventually got rid of most of my anger management issues, but I didn't stop trying to suppress all the emotions I could. This lead to me eventually trying to purge myself of all emotions I could, even generally more positive ones like happiness. After going to war with myself I realized that if I feel no emotions, I might as well be erasing my own will, so now I try to have a more balanced emotional standing. I do still have problems with dealing with emotions, but I've come a long way since I started!
@sparkstudies1675
2 жыл бұрын
I really feel you on the emotional inhibition one. I try not to make a big deal out of childhood things, but I think my mom getting really angry at me for faltering, having issues and especially crying left a huge impact on me. I had to defend myself every time I was at my most vulnerable and when I couldn't take anymore I started lashing out back at her. And then subsequently at other people when I was unable to regulate my emotions or felt like I had to defend them to others. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out I was doing it. I have a lot of regrets.
@agmvero
2 жыл бұрын
@@sparkstudies1675 I feel that part about regrets. The hardest part of all the criticism is that, deep deep down, you 100% agree to it. I wish I could talk to my younger self and try to give them a healthier relationship with themself.
@sparkstudies1675
2 жыл бұрын
@@agmvero Exactllyyyy!! ♥️
@Wake_Maker
5 ай бұрын
Your videos helped me understand a lot of why I'm a very strange individual to be around. I've had a lot done to me over time and I couldn't figure out why I rather be alone or around family only
@Annatomova7
Жыл бұрын
Most of these, yes. I was adopted at age 4 and lived with a horribly emotionally abusive mother. I left when I was 17. I still struggle with a lot of things and even codependency because of the mental torment this person has left in me. It was even more psychologically scarring than the S/A I went through before being adopted. That was bad enough as it was, but being taken into a new toxic environment in a strange country that had social costumes I really did not understand, while also being raised by a highly insecure narcissist who put all of her negative energy, neglect and emotional cruelty onto me only made me feel completely worthless.
@angelicasysnila5476
Жыл бұрын
I am so sorry buddy. I wish I could hug you. I am here for you, if you wish to vent out or share anything to lose burden of your mind, please feel free to do so My wishes are with you
@Owlettehoo
Жыл бұрын
Emotional neglect. Yup. My parents divorced when I was 6-7. My dad had a string of controlling girlfriends for several years once he started dating and they all demanded his entire attention to the point where I didn't see or speak to him for almost two years at one point, and when I did see him, they were always there, demanding his full attention. One of them even started giving him a lap dance in front of me when I was maybe 9-10, saying something like, "This is how you please a man, this is called a lap dance." Why he let her do that, I'll never know; I don't wanna bring up old negative things in the little amount of time I spend with him these days. My mom on the other hand, is just not a very outwardly affectionate person, which is what I need. She also is just extremely opinionated to a fault. It's her way, or the highway. Her house, her rules. No debate, no arguing. She'd listen to complaints, but then not change her mind in the slightest and only find holes in it to prove why her way was right. I don't think she ever did this knowingly or intentionally, but it's still sucked to feel like I didn't have any autonomy. She is getting better about it, though, because I've had many conversations with her over the years about it. So the invalidation/authoritarianism along with no real physical affection made me just feel like I was at a shitty job in my own home where I'm supposed to be able to relax. I know that both of my parents love me deeply and would upend the world to help me if I truly needed it, but I honestly find myself preferring to go to my in laws when I need something. Mostly because I know my dad struggles enough to keep afloat so I don't want to put any more stress on him, and asking anything from my mom just feels like a business transaction.
@Evija3000
Жыл бұрын
My parents divorced when I was maybe slightly older than that. My dad was just never around even before that and my mom was too busy working and trying to get over the divorce and never really showed affection aside from taking good care of us I guess, but that is a love language that I didn't understand as a kid. Even now I don't really feel connected to her, feels more like I'm giving her the attention and listening to her, but it rarely goes the other way around. I just never really felt heard I guess. At least I had a brother I could connect with sometimes, between him annoying the hell out of me :D And when I was a teenager I noticed a lot of criticism coming from her, which for sure damaged my self esteem and my ability to open up to her even further. I do care about her, it's just been a bit hard sometimes and now I see how it might have shaped me.
@Owlettehoo
Жыл бұрын
@@Evija3000 Are you me?? You described pretty much my entire relationship with my mother. I didn't understand as a kid that people show their love in different ways, either. It's pretty much why if I ever have a kid, I'm going to make it a point to show love in all of the ways I can possibly do. I'm already getting practice because my husband's love languages don't completely line up with mine, and even when they technically do, they might be to a different extent or manifests in a slightly different way, so we had to get creative to make sure we both understood each other. Also, clear communication. Lots of it. Lol
@payasoinfeliz
Жыл бұрын
protip: your dad's girlfriends were not the problems, your dad was the problem.
@Owlettehoo
Жыл бұрын
@@payasoinfeliz Oh yea, for sure. I've always known that my dad wasn't the most reliable person. Nor does he have that much of a backbone. He totally allowed all of that to happen. But that also doesn't take away from the wrongdoings of his girlfriends. Obviously, I'm going to be more biased against them rather than my dad, but I still recognize the situation for what it was.
@Wolfsinga18
2 ай бұрын
Being abused is a definite for me, my behaviour is also pretty spot on. I don't deal with any of what is wrong with me, because a lot of the time i just don't care, but also it's a bit hard to do anything when you're unusually happy and joking about the issues.
@harimauharu
2 жыл бұрын
But then... when we can't escape from the bad surroundings, what shall we do? I've been told that i'm not allowed to feel sad, angry and other such negative feelings. And then they ask me, why I keep on keeping things to myself. I can't take anymore invalidations. it..hurts a lot.
@LtRee96se
2 жыл бұрын
@@maggamoosie801 Life is very hard. Anger left without expression leads to rage and depression. Take it from someone who lives with it every day. And try to take care of yourself. I check these chats often. If you wish to talk more, I am here for you.
@harimauharu
2 жыл бұрын
@@maggamoosie801 It really is.. :( Hating our own self because we can't stand it anymore.. I'd give you a virtual hug. Thank you for your great work for living, for still staying strong. Thank you for your wishes. Please stay strong and safe too! It's alright to not be strong at times. ..Even if people invalidate us. //Hugs you virtually//
@professorJorge11
2 жыл бұрын
I drink
@LtRee96se
2 жыл бұрын
@@professorJorge11 I used to.
@professorJorge11
2 жыл бұрын
@@LtRee96se actually, I don't, but it's better to excersise. Keep busy w a schedule and stay away from toxic people
@moongalaxywolf434
Жыл бұрын
The "Approval Recognition Seeking" is relatable for me because I've recently done a Math Final Exam, and I got a 65% on it even though it was an open note test. I've always had a B or an A in that class, and that just made me have a meltdown, but I've been getting hopes of it being at least a high C cause the test is worth 20% of my grade 😢 (The last one is so true too since my bottled up emotions can explode at random times, especially since I have anger issues).
@Xddcc..32
4 ай бұрын
First and last one hit me so hard i teared up,didnt consider my experiences as a child traumatic,but i find myself relating to 5 of these,i was manipulated by a "friend" of mine,even if we dont talk anymore,i remember everything she said to me,and how she used me,i moved schools and people there just seem to talk to me because im "the smart kid" because of my grades and that im guillable(idk if spelled it right),i always seeked approval from my parents,anything lower than a 90% was a fail,people there remember me of my parents when i got a 71% once,they were criticizing me,calling me a crybaby because i am hypersensitive,i always think im not enough,that i use aggression to cope because that is the way i was thought,if they dont like me they will respect me out of fear,i wish i could stop,but i cant,because im scared of losing everyone,my friends tease me,saying that im ugly,and making me do things i dont want to,sometimes i wish i could just dissapear and see if they will care,thanks for reading all of this vent.
@cyberzombie038
2 жыл бұрын
In some way I can relate to #3 and #7. Since I was usually chastised by my father and made fun by my sister when expressing any kind of sadness and anger during my childhood. So during my teen I developed a coping mechanism where I went pretty much emotionless and robotic around my father. Though later in life that same mechanism caught up to me when I realised that I was severely lacking in emotional intelligence towards anyone. And still have no idea how to express empathy in a genuine way towards other people's emotional distress. Everything aforementioned is also why I get a urge to distance myself to whomever I grow a connection with.
@honeybeerandom
2 жыл бұрын
This video showed up on my reccomended a few days after it came out. I realized that I have multiple of these coping mechanisms and can directly translate them to experiences in my life I didn't see as trauma, but now recognize are. I had my first therapy session today. Thank you so much psych2go. I feel like I am finally justified in and finally able get help.
@Qwerzxcv954
2 жыл бұрын
Apart from the first 2, I experienced all of these traumas during my childhood and I'm still experiencing the consequences... Even if these kind of videos aren't supposed to replace a therapist, they're still allowing me to know more about myself and that's very helpful!
@StellarMoth
5 ай бұрын
Oh god... I knew I had trauma and I've been taking therapy that hasn't been helping, but when I watched this I realized just what I've been through....
@brendadrew834
2 жыл бұрын
Can relate in more ways than one! 74 years old and consider myself an expert in crisis management having raised three kids while working an art career, a fitness/strength trainer and having had two small businesses. Have often felt like the cover of the first issue of MS magazine in the early 1970s, if one remembers what that looked like, multi-tasking and wearing many hats! Could have gotten into substance abuse or suicide, but have great inner and outer strength. "What doesn't kill you, makes you strong"! Thanks for the info, Psych2go!
@raedai8819
Жыл бұрын
Unfortunately a lot of this is me. I went through a lot growing up, and on top of it I have ADHD. I'm trying to learn new things everyday. The biggest thing I've learned is that the abuse I went through is what made me so angry for so long. But I couldn't express it, had no idea how to as well, and it just got stuffed down until I could cry silently in my room. My parents were not the problem, and I still couldn't reach out to them because of the shame. The blame. Inability to express. Unable to let them down, or give them another problem to deal with. Tired of being weak, always trying to prove myself correctly and never getting the chance. Do other people even realize what it is to feel weak? To have someone stronger holding you down, laughing because you can't do anything? It used to make me so angry to think people don't know, they've never dealt with it. But I always wanted to do the right thing. I never knew what it was for sure, so I hid everything. The anxiety was enough I was scared of everyone. Everything. Just a couple years ago. I remember a teacher finding me during this fun event where there were inflatables and carnival stuff brought to our school for a day of fun. She found me having a panic attack on the stairs, which I didnt know it was a panic attack at the time. I was so overwhelmed, I told her I was terrified. I couldn't let go and have fun in front of other people. Nobody could see me. When people did, they were cruel. The teacher walked away and encouraged me to try. I wanted to so bad but I was trapped and she didn't see it. It used to make me so mad when people walked away when my eyes begged for help. But maybe they don't know the look. I watched something that inspired me a bit. It was a movie about it, and they said that the little version of you will be angry, but it's up to the big version of you to control it. That feels more accurate to me than anything anyone's ever said. Things like this don't really heal over completely. The scar rips back open, I guess I'm constantly trying to stop the bleeding from getting everywhere. That's how it felt. Now I do care about myself more than I ever have. I know now that blood and anger are the same, they're both messy. But not bad. There's a place for it. Because its necessary. This video brought a couple things out. I wondered why Id been having trouble talking to others, opening up and I'm reminded it was probably the cruelty of others that made me afraid. I do love people, but meeting new ones is hard. Just recently I had to ditch two people I once called friend who were mean. One was physical, holding me down on the floor again. I faked being sick to get out of there like I've done before. And once I had an opening I was gone. It hurt so bad I cared for these people and it just came down to that. I guess I'm sharing because I'm trying to process it all. I've been learning things because I have a good thing I know for sure. My boyfriend is an amazing person, who loves me and never yells. Never says you have to. Patient, funny, and everything else I could ask from a person. He's considerate, truly sweet (not just sweet to me) and puts effort into doing the right thing like I do. I want to understand myself so that the darkness of my past doesn't ruin this. Just the other day I cut my finger. He can't look at blood, problem is I can't either. I almost passed out, had to get in recovery position and deal with the blood. I was mad he didn't come in to help. He was by the door, got me a bandaid but I was upset he wasn't in the room. It was unfair to be upset at him for that. So we went to bed, I cried on the bed for a long time. Finally, because of a video like this I processed and told him that I knew it wasn't his fault, but I had to tell him I was upset he wasn't there to console me. I told him I knew it wasnt fair, that he shouldn't feel shame or anything for it but I couldn't help how I felt. Later today I finally realized. I was mad he couldn't deal with blood and I had to. It was a different format at being angry for not having to deal with what I did. It was an older beast I was tangling with, not this one. I haven't told him just yet, trying to find the space to. But I know that things like this really do help you understand why you do what you do. Why you feel it. It's natural since you're body is forced to hold the score. But don't let it run your life. Sorry for the rant.
@summerbedwell1532
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for the rant, I can tell you're still young. Maybe highschool age & you seem to be very self aware. That is a blessing I promise you that I know 60 year olds that are completely unaware of their actions & triggers or that that even have any to begin with. That being said I had a lot of problems growing up from being sexually, physically, & emotionally abused all the ones I called family. My mom would disappear weeks at a time while I was on elementary school... I couldn't imagine doing that to my daughter 😱 OMG but the point is I always new I was "Different" but didn't realize or even know much about mental health even though I was actively going to therapy, was on ADHD meds & antidepressants. But still felt numb & I guess I pushed it all down until everything resurfaced. & When it did I realized a lot about myself & felt like my life went off Autopilot & I finally gained some insight & control! Still actively working on myself everyday!! Some days are definitely better than others but just as you are I am blessed with an awesome Man that loves me & treats me how all women should be treated & he is one the biggest reasonz I have become self aware him & my relationship with God helped me ealized how unfair I was being by withholding my mental state, being a people pleaser, & just completely abandoning myself. & it has been so much better being able to open up to him & him learn & understand my triggers has nothing to do with him & that I don't want to feel this way that I can't help it but just to felt heard & understood is everything. So you are definitely going far! Keep up the good work.
@ScoliosisKing-e9d
11 ай бұрын
I can't relate to a few of these now that I'm older but I think a lot of people struggled with these when they where younger, or still do, I specifically struggled with anger issues and although I have gotten better it is defiantly a difficult thing to overcome you can do it, you just need time to heal and maybe to sperate yourself from whatever is causing you that anger (it could be an internal thing or external) because it's never for no reason but figuring out what is making you so angry and how to grow as a person is absolutely challenging just remember a change in perspective on yourself and people in your life is always good
@thatlagthobruh7467
Жыл бұрын
This video helped me realize a lot about myself and how to express things to my life partner as well. I've been physically, sexually, and verbally abused among other things, so it's hard to explain my hurt to someone who has never experienced any serious trauma (which I am so glad he hasn't❤). This will help me with explaining to him how to deal with certain situations that trigger me and how to recognize what I'm currently feeling in that moment and how to help. I believe this will help a lot in the long run☺
@hana-chan7280
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for putting names to what we experienced. It helps to know it wasn't just in our heads. It makes a lot of sense...sincerely, no 1,2 and 4.
@Avery-chaN_
Жыл бұрын
I relate to almost all of these. Almost all of them were because of my sister. I'm still in the process of healing and therapy. But I'm always here for anyone who needs to vent.❤️
@wiccacat17
4 ай бұрын
I have shown signs on more then one of these but have been working on my self. Becoming a better you is not easy and it takes a lot of work to make it work. Still at the end of the day it is worth it all as a better me has allowed me to become more and start to give back in the best way I can.
@Zemohc
Жыл бұрын
I was born with clubbed feet. The first 13 years of my life I had reconstructive surgery and it felt like my family and friends now that I'm looing back on it. Left me with feelings from number 3 and 7. Went through a breakup a month ago and it brought all those feelings back full force. I'm glad these type of videos exist. They help out a lot to heal and put an end to this chapter that has been going on for far too long. Anyone else going through these type of things. You're not alone. Thanks Psych2go.
@Smleempy
4 ай бұрын
I've always had some issues with mental health that also affected my physical health too, and because I never looked back at why or how I had gotten childhood trauma, I ended up always blaming myself for things, so thanks
@RilkeanKisses
Жыл бұрын
Super helpful video, puts my issues into perspective. My parents were very demanding of me and I often had so much pressure to meet their standards or they wouldn't show me any affection or would shame me. Now I have all the symptoms listed in the video, timid, hypersensitive, apologetic, perfectionist etc... I've been working on it but this video helped me acknowledge the root causes so I could move past that.
@aku_69420
2 жыл бұрын
The last one hit close to home..since that’s what I’m dealing with. If my past friends listened, they’d try to at least help..but they chose to leave me with a lie. After being told to “Suck it up” over things I got upset over, and the others didn’t, I had trouble expressing my sadness in public since they’d always say “You’re just a crybaby” or “Why are you crying over something small?? Just deal with it.” Then I started having anger management problems, and I’d always get into arguments. I’d have small emotional outbursts over and over. With everything going on IRL, it seems that I just can’t get better. People ask me if I’m actually feeling a bit happy, but since I don’t like drawing attention to myself, I’d lie. And I also don’t trust them, since they just might start being rude out of nowhere.
@masrade8963
Жыл бұрын
I've been following your content since y'all started this channel and I have to say you have been a great source of knowledge and comprehension for many. And with this video, something just clicked for me about some memories I have, and I can finally put a name to it! Thank you, great job as always! 🤗
@1KOUDA1
11 ай бұрын
the emotional deprivation one and emotional inhabitation one where on the spot i swear i didn't even knew these things existed i never know how to feel so when im in curtain situations where i know i should be said and i know i wanna cry i just sit there and question myself like "why cant i cry" or "i wanna cry but i cant" or even "what am i supposed to feel like in this moment?"
@SoGoesLife_
3 ай бұрын
I was dealt a bad hand growing up, an abusive father who often shouted at me for crying, a mother who over-sheltered me, a partner who cheated, and another that tried to ghost me. Being told that I’m the weird kid in class, and being stood up constantly. I have learned to.. adapt and overcome the coping mechanisms, but its hard. And I know it will continue to be hard. But.. its good to know I’m not alone on this journey of self growth. You can’t undo the past, but.. you can try to build yourself a better future
@jourdanhamme4065
Жыл бұрын
This was such a well-done video
@Cosmic_God_Particals
Жыл бұрын
Abandonment alongside with being blamed for things I never did and being told I'm someone that I'm not has made me a massive recluse. Which is the antithesis of what I used to be. I Understand the whys and what to do, I just don't have the motivation or care. Don't do what I'm doing. Get a friend or help. Trust is hard sometimes but if you can relate please do what's best for your mental health
@escherichanja8522
2 жыл бұрын
No trauma in this world make people obey or weak, only other people who misuse the situation.
@wrlueditz
Ай бұрын
shit i relate to more of these than i thought i did. i'm pretty self aware (i hope) but i'm still struggling to come to terms with some of it, also because most of the time, it feels easier and more comfortable to stay within the harmful mindsets instead of trying to get better, but i'm trying! we can do it!
@lyssao.8308
Жыл бұрын
mine was a weird combo. It's a mix of emotional distance and coddling. As in I was so spoiled and focused over that I never learned how to work for myself or others' approval. Now I struggle with it. Often times I just get told I'm unworthy because I never learned how to make myself useful. I never needed to say anything or hear anything or even learn to cope with real disapproval because I was given too much affection without real connection. And I ended up isolating very hard because my parents never payed any attention to my psychological state rather than material needs, till my first panic attack. This was due to not knowing how to communicate and living in my own thoughts in a suspended emotional state similar to depression- when I finally had friends, I was so eager to please them that I became a total pushover and eventually no one could bother to hear me talk. So now I talk really loud, convinced no one will hear me I guess. It had to be pointed out recently. And well now my parents manipulate me by taking advantage of my poor coping skills for when others are upset with me. Because as a child no one even told me I could do better, let alone cry about me I full on have a panic attack when seeing anyone upset. I totally panic and focus on showing empathy. In a way, getting upset with me is helping with some of those things. In a twisted way. Also I was just different in general due to female signs of autism not being well known at the time, and me very showing few signs of it as a child, for fear of seeing my parents troubled. Now I constantly am told I am annoying and cruel and upsetting, making me super stressed. It's a huge gap- and not a healthy one, especially for my father. Closest is emotional inhibition. That material happiness is all around, and I'm just ungrateful by being abnormal and sad.
@sarcasm-83
Жыл бұрын
Sigh....... I related to every single one and I'm not even exaggerating. No wonder my friends are gone, have been single for 9 years, barely go out and only talk to therapists. Next year I'll be 40. Time will run out before my issues will.
@mickeyjaytee
2 ай бұрын
I ticked a couple of these boxes. Thank you for helping me find a reason why I act the way I act sometimes and that I need some help to move forward. More than grateful also that you didn’t suggest an external website to sign up to. That actually means a lot.
@kcmman9323
Жыл бұрын
Hey world, my suggestion when watching these videos and discovering yourself is to not let it bog you down or control your life. Understand whats happening, take control of it as much as you can with the information you get, it is very easy to have nihilistic world views after these discoveries but remember theres no light without dark. Somebody had to experience what you experienced so that you know not to do the same to your kids, significant others, friends.
@Ikigai747
Жыл бұрын
Thank u especially for mentioning nihilism
@lilybutepic
Жыл бұрын
My girlfriend of what would’ve been 10 months (would’ve been on Dec 20th, 2022) broke up with me this past Monday night (Dec 5th, 2022). I willingly stayed up several nights on end to make sure that she didn’t continue to harm herself with cuts and burns, I really tried to show her how much I loved her. She was my everything. I loved her with every part of my soul, we were so connected. I felt like it was meant to be. But I realized after she left, that when I talked to her about MY problems; I was just “being moody/dramatic” or “attention seeking” according to her. Regardless, I would still be with her if I had the chance to. I still love her… I did nothing wrong… It’s not fair…
@neurotic5773
Жыл бұрын
i understand.. i was with my boyfriend for 11 months.. we broke up this past saturday over stupid things.. the problems he had were trust issues and feeling like i wasnt honest, he had grown up and was abused in childhood, and even growing up it took a toll on him mentally when his dad passed away and when his mom would talk to him about her problems, he felt like he couldnt escape. it really hurts bc hes talking to his ex now, right after we broke up. i have no idea whats going on but he says he promises theres no intent for them to get back together. from what i know, she wasnt nice to him and she was the one that broke up with him because of their age gap, long distance (shes from another country) and she cheated on him in a way when they were together. but now she added him back and he still likes her and is talking with her.. i still love him very much.. its hard to let go after what we talked about and what ive experienced with him. its hard but just being friends is okay, i still have to give him time to heal emotionally and psychologically 🙁
@Ikigai747
Жыл бұрын
@@neurotic5773 more power to u God bless
@Ikigai747
Жыл бұрын
Whatever happened, happens for a reason ik it's hard to digest I've been through this too But sometimes it's important to understand tht you can always connect the dots backward so give yourself and her some time overtime things will become better this doesn't mean that you'll end up together but it simply means whatever is best for both will eventually happen once your heads are clear, from what you've said looks like both of you are going through a lot..my best wishes to you both I hope things get better hang in there choose yourself first This is smth my ex told me and yeah it triggered me when she said this but with time I've learnt to see the truth and meaning in it "The only person you'll ever be with forever is yourself so stop chasing me and start getting closer to yourself" this almost killed me but now I know why because it hit my biggest insecurity at that point...knowing that we are all broken and growing at diff levels is comforting hence we should never stop living no matter what...sending love
@confusedhaha
2 жыл бұрын
so here’s the thing - i’ve never had *major* problems with my family. but i’ve had issues with neglection, being third wheeled and issues with relationships in general EVERY SINGLE TIME, to the point that i dissociate myself from people, don’t trust anyone, and just think of how i can take advantage of them, because i’ve completely given up on loyal bonds. i’ve never really associated it with trauma, and i still am not very sure. what do you think about it?
@philrei2797
2 жыл бұрын
Dunno
@faryal2080
2 жыл бұрын
I know how this feels. I always think I am selfish for interacting with people just for my needs, and ignoring them later on. In my opinion, I consider it trauma because I was not like this before. But one day, I just started noticing too much. And then suddenly, I went quiet. I talk only when I need to, stop making efforts to make small talks etc. I started trusting only myself alone. Now, I have changed so much to the point, that I don't even know how to keep a conversation going with anyone :)
@Meleeman011
2 жыл бұрын
That's how you protect yourself what are you talking about lol
@confusedhaha
2 жыл бұрын
@@Meleeman011 that’s exactly why i don’t vent about my problems irl. people will just go ‘oh thats normal what are you talking about??’
@Killua_Zoldyck3407
2 жыл бұрын
I'm not sure because i have parent issues friend issues got cheated was sexually abused and my bff moved when we were 12 (I'm 17 now) and i dissociate then i look at my hands and legs "right in still here i guess...sigh" i wish I was dead by now. *Friends make secret bday party* Me: 💔😔💀
@mg42master47
11 ай бұрын
You got me on emotional deprivation and shame and unworthiness
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