Wow.. you go through all the mental gymnastics. He dodged a bullet.
@PremiumUserUltra
Ай бұрын
That's what this video is for, not for someone else other than her. You should be saying this to him and not a video to strangers lol. Growth is you trampling over someone?
@nomansland6376
Ай бұрын
@@PremiumUserUltra um.. this isn’t for her. She posted it for the world to see.
@Anthony123212
Ай бұрын
No doubt. The worse part is she's still being selfish, all she is doing is thinking about her self. She admits she was a bad partner, but that's only because her new ex treated her the way she treated her old ex. The ONLY reason she's taking accountability is because it affected HER. The only reason she wants to change is because she knows if she continues doing this she'll continue with failed relationships. It's not because she wants to enter someone's life to enhance it, but just so she can "wear the badge" of having a successful relationship. " It cost me a break up, it cost me a relationship, it cost me getting into another relationship with someone who has more issues, I had to get into a relationship with myself to understand what was wrong with me back then." It's all me me me. What about what it cost him? His mental health and well being, his confidence, his relationship with future partners? You literally could have ruined this guys life, and all you have to say for it is "yeah, I was wrong and I realize that now"? He should be your ONLY thought in this situation, otherwise you're just stuck in a cycle of only thinking about yourself, which sounds to me like the major issue here. Then to make a video about it like it's some epiphany that you shouldn't be abusive to your partner (the silent treatment is classified as abuse). Yikes. This guy dodged a major bullet. Just because you can be self aware of what you did wrong and you want to change it, doesn't mean you're actually tackling the route cause of this. Which isn't your childhood, it's you. It's your whole perspective. The most important lesson I learned with relationships is that it's never about you. You need to be a servant to each other in a relationship. Considering she even acknowledged this behavior may creep back up from time to time is concerning and just proves my point that being self aware doesn't solve anything. She needs a therapist, life coach and psychologist.
@nomansland6376
Ай бұрын
@@Anthony123212 completely agree and sadly, this is how 99.99% of women think. Not just her age, but going back. Social media has just shown a light on it. It’s generational. Me, me, me, I want, I want.. and he better give it all to me unconditionally, because I deserve it. They don’t know how to reciprocate.
@CedarRoofsOnly
Ай бұрын
95% of women don't take ACCOUNTABILTY. Kudos to you! 80%+ of women can't survive financially without a man also. FACTS
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@CedarRoofsOnlythank you! I can do and I am doing both.
@bartley7953
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites Good luck Karolina .
@nomansland6376
Ай бұрын
@@CedarRoofsOnly this isn’t taking accountability. This is all kinds of mental gymnastics to not actually take accountability.. she sees the problem, but doesn’t take accountability. She projects, blame shifts, plays the victim and more all throughout the video.. don’t applaud that crap. That isn’t accountability.
@deyahdn3
Ай бұрын
Taking responsibility is laudable. This video reinforces many current woes in modern relationships. Take more responsibility. -- "...he was a great guy. He was an angel." This mindset creates hopelessness in men. Why struggle for a relationship when she will leave anyway? Men are now starting to work for themselves and get vilified for selfishness. "...he struggled with setting boundaries." This is blaming him for her destructive behaviour, even if she tried to reason otherwise. It was not a mismatch. Every human is imperfect and those imperfections clash inevitably. She is the one who gave up on the relationship. "...if I hadn't known these things I would have continued hurting him." Do you have to murder before you can know that murder is wrong? Of course not. Do you have to cheat on your fiance to know cheating is wrong? Of course not. Do you have to blame your partner for your imperfections and break up because they create friction in your relationship to know that everyone has imperfections that create friction in relationships? OF COURSE NOT. "I wish I could go back in time" = I have regrets. "No regrets" Right. What do you even need to learn then, if there are no regrets? -- I dated a woman just like her. Just like her. Thousands of miles away. My ex spoke a different language and said ALL OF THE SAME THINGS. Casual sex makes relationships disposable, men sex-starved beasts objectifying women, and women entitled and irresponsible abusers of men. We have to stop it. Spread the word. Traditions are solutions to problems we forgot existed.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@deyahdn3 learning doesn't only come from regret. FYI, no one ever cheated on anyone as I feel like people are starting to put their own narrative on my story, which is frustrating to say the least. The boundaries thing, someone else told me thing and in hindsight perhaps he did struggle with setting boundaries, but I would never blame him for my behaviours because of that. I don't know how many times I need to say this. My point isn't that if I had stayed I would have continued to hurt him. My point from all this is that unfortunately I thought I had to leave him to learn things and to allow him to realize that I wasn't and couldn't be my best version of me for him at the time for whatever reason. It is sad but it happened and the lessons I've learned are invaluable.
@deyahdn3
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites Fair enough. Thank you for your reply. I did not mean anyone cheated in your relationship. My ex told me, word for word, "I hate how my behaviour hurts you." which I have taken as one of the justifications she had for the breakup. You said something very similar. I have found that common themes repeat in modern relationships. Did you consider have some time apart, during the relationship, to find yourself as an individual? I don't think our Western culture recognizes this opportunity. People jump from relationship to relationship, explaining their problems with "compatibility issues", which I find a poor explanation and a tragedy. I am happy to hear you have learned lessons. And I don't think anyone of us will ever be ready. There are always future lessons to be learned.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@deyahdn3 you are right in the sense that I felt that my behaviour was hurting him and the best thing was to break up (I no longer think that that was the best thing to do). I never considered taking a break, it never crossed my mind, I thought that if we separate then it's forever. That was wrong and old fashioned thinking. I think a break could have saved our relationship. I wish I could have looked at things differently then, the way I see them now.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@deyahdn3 thank you for your comments and your advice. Really useful perspective.
@deyahdn3
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites Thank you. Your self-reflection gives me hope.
@ahdwar
Ай бұрын
This is good, all the crap you're experiencing now with your current partner are seeds that you've sown from past behaviors, and I'm glad it's catching up with you.
@TheKproductionsful
Ай бұрын
I try not to be vindicative, but yeah it's hard to feel bad for her. She's now on the receiving end of the bullshit she put her previous boyfriend through. It's the universe's way of making you look into a mirror to examine your past mistakes, and you can either learn from them and make the effort to stop your problematic behaviour or continue life being delusional. I'm thankful that she now realizes what it's like to be on the receiving end of an uncooperative partner and appears genuine about wanting to change, but as I said, it's hard to feel bad for her.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@TheKproductionsful not here for pity.
@lodersracing
Ай бұрын
I remember getting silent treatment from an ex. It's absolutely awful. Glad i'm not with her anymore.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@lodersracing happy for you too.
@kiddytube3915
Ай бұрын
How’s your relationship with your dad? Are you disrespectful to all the men in your life? Is your mum the one who wears the pants in the house and she treats your father like a doormat? Quite often, you mirror your parents relationship the way that you’ve been brought up .
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@kiddytube3915 Thanks for the comment. I will go over these things in future videos. A lot of it has to do with my childhood, but blaming my childhood doesn't help- one has to take responsibility for their actions. I'm self-aware of the reasons why I'm like this. My childhood was complicated, but I'm not the little girl from 15 years ago. I'm an adult- a completely different person. The only thing that I can do is identify the problems and the triggers and learn to be/act better. P.S. I will do a video explaining my childhood. But in short, my parents got divorced, I never saw what it was like to have a healthy relationship. There was a lot of abandonment and neglect
@karolinajakobczyk9221
Ай бұрын
It's heartwarming to take accountability
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@karolinajakobczyk9221 thanks for the comment, and thanks for sharing your vulnerabilities with me. The first step is realising that something you do could be hurting your partner- which you have done. So, well done! We should be proud of ourselves for the little realisations that we have. Next step, of course, is doing something about it. Changing how you react when you get triggered etc. Therapy will definitely help with that, and reading more books will do too. 'Non-violent Communication' and 'Fighting for Your Marriage' are two amazing books I wish I'd read sooner. The one thing to remember is that we shouldn't want to change our partner. We can grow together and become better for each other, but changing someone else should never be our goal. Just think about how hard it is to change your own behaviours, with that in mind how hard do you think it is to change someone else? This really made me think after my last relationship fell apart. Hope this helps you Karolina 😊
@sturmgewehr449
Ай бұрын
let the poor guy go please
@karolinajakobczyk9221
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites just started reading this book :) Thanks for your advice
@MoistOwlettes
Ай бұрын
The part where you mention constantly threatening the relationship. Were you threatening it simply because you weren’t getting what you wanted in that moment? Or were boundaries you had set for yourself in a relationship not being respected? I guess I’m also asking if you were demanding changes from him that were legitimate things he needed to work on or if they were just things you were being overly critical about and unable to accept.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@MoistOwlettes hi, and thanks for leaving a comment. To give an example, one thing I wanted him to change was the fact that he was glued to his phone 24/7, even when we were out with family or friends. And it made me feel like he didn't care. I know that that wasn't true, and I probably shouldn't have wanted him to change it that badly if he didn't see the issue. It was an issue very frequently and it felt like he couldn't respect my request. He was a very ambitious and hard working guy, but often times when he was on his phone he was playing games (even when hanging out with family etc.). I wish I could have just accepted that, and I don't know if I blew it out of proportion. Do you think I should have just accepted it? This is just one example, among many other things, which will be discussed in future videos.
@JustSmilePsycho
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWritesWell it is up to you if you want to accept it or not. Nobody can answer that for you. People are all different with different personality. You are the only person that would know the best about your partner and it is up to you to decide if you are okay with some of the flaws from your partner. And it depends on what is important to you, and your life goals that you want with your partner. And btw, I wouldn't say a flaw but a person habits/behaviors more like. I would say list everything out that is pro and con from your partner before you decide to go all in and waste your and his time. Selecting a life partner is not something anyone should go in lightly and don't go much deeper. A lot of times especially in today times, life is all about fast pace for a lot of people and that goes with the finding the right partner.
@JustSmilePsycho
Ай бұрын
It is all about give and take. For you, I guess with him being on the phone alot seems to bother you. But for others they might overlook that because that person might have other great qualities that overlook his small habits and behavior like being on the phone alot. Especially, when you said you know he is not doing anything shady. So you can see how anyone can't answer that question, it is up to you and how you are as a person.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@JustSmilePsycho thank you. I agree with your point here that people should just go into relationships and hope for the best. We should know what we can and can't put up with.
@MoistOwlettes
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites hm. I had a similar issue in my last relationship. One of her complaints was the same thing. I’m glued to my phone. If we were out or with friends/family I wasn’t. It was just when I was at home from what I can recall. I do think this can go either way though. If the time being spent on the phone is interfering with the relationship by causing you to feel like he doesn’t care then i would think it is a healthy boundary to set for him to spend less time on it. Not saying to cut it out completely, but devoting some of the time on it instead to spending it with you actively and not just passively being there with divided attention. Basically I can see both sides of this one. I don’t believe you were wholly in the wrong for that one.
@GoodGuyPlayer2
Ай бұрын
The self-relfection is ok... but please, for the love of god, if there is an opportinity, contact that poor soul and express your sincere apologies to him... because probably you may enjoy the privilege of saying "no regrets" and that it was ok because "we learned something" and you're even in a new relationship RIGHT NOW, but theres a huge chance that poor man is still carrying that weight and that pain, with no closure and no rest, constantly thinking on how he was ditched and mistreated no matter how good he tried. So... for dear lord and for ALL of the guys that were dumped and forced to just deal with it, please find and apologize to him...
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@GoodGuyPlayer2 I have.
@GoodGuyPlayer2
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites I sincerely hope that man is doing ok.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@GoodGuyPlayer2 that man is doing perfectly fine.
@GoodGuyPlayer2
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites That's a relief, thanks.
@jimbashh
Ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing! I rarely encounter someone who realizes the damage of their past behavior like this, so I wonder if you could share your view. For almost two years, my ex gf actively manipulated and gaslighted me to keep the security of having a boyfriend while still appearing single publicly. I was in love and terrible at setting boundaries. She eventually dumped me for another guy. This destroyed me. After the breakup, I tried explaining to her how much her behavior hurt me, but to me it seems like she either doesn’t understand or refuses to. She claims to be sorry and to take responsibility, but her words feel very empty and insincere. I know we're all different people, but do you think she'll ever truly understand the impact of her actions unless she experiences the same treatment in a future relationship?
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@jimbashh I think in her case, she will need to experience the same behaviour to understand the feelings you went through when she treated you that way. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm not sure if everyone is capable of improving themselves on that level, I would like to think so, but there are people out there who believe they have nothing to learn, and that is dangerous. If I were you I wouldn't fixate on whether she'll ever understand. Don't give your energy to even thinking about it. She treated you very badly, and you don't deserve that. You need to take your energy and focus it on something that matters to you. I wish you all the best.
@mix0nix
Ай бұрын
Hopefully he learned to know what kind of women to avoid and see the warning signs way earlier
@latendresseaa
Ай бұрын
What a strong person, with an Pure heart 🇨🇦, all my ex was real horrible, 🌈
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@latendresseaa thank you for your kind words :)
@latendresseaa
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWrites I knew in this life, i am 54 now, that we share same deep pattern, that attract each other, for the better and make inlight and grow inside, always be positive. 🎁
@edferguson8991
Ай бұрын
First lesson, knowing yourself!
@perfectscotty
Ай бұрын
Women hit the wall pretty early so better not waste much more time.
@jbdsvld8175
Ай бұрын
Accountability. Wow. Way to go!
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@jbdsvld8175 thanks!
@ccdj35
Ай бұрын
That experience may have caused your previous boyfriend to never pursue women again. Good thing you self project though.
@allien5329
Ай бұрын
My simple question - why do you girls even seek out for men...when you people are NOT ready for a relationship ? Its so easy for girls to sit and talk but none of you know what goes inside a man's mind and heart when you all fake your love to your partner and on the next opportunity leave him...how easy it is for women to sit and say "oh I was a horrible partner to my ex-" but do you even understand what it does to your partner on the other hand ? Please don't simply get into relation for validation or to boost your ego if you are NOT sure.... today for women situation have changed.. you all can earn your own living without being dependent on anyone..so before you people get into relationship please select your partner and communicate properly because all i have seen after being in relations for every women - looks come first and heart comes second and when they are at the end of their life cycle they settle for their life style with no "accountability" and "responsibility" and some women seldom are able to get out of infatuation stage and when responsibilities fall they run and end up declaring themselves as some life coach and destroying other young women..by giving bad advises.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@allien5329 did I ever say I was seeking a partner? No. You're making a lot of assumptions in this comment without even knowing me or my story. The issue is often with people like you, 'keyboard warriors', who think they know everything and shame those people who actually admit they don't know stuff and are learning. The world is unpleasant because of people who behave like this, not people who admit their mistakes to try and help people.
@gettingschooled3094
Ай бұрын
Kudos to you for sharing this. My ex girlfriend would never admit that.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@gettingschooled3094 I'm so sorry. Thank you for leaving a comment.
@papabatsy
Ай бұрын
He sounds like he was weak. Cute blonde.
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@papabatsy he wasn't weak. Thanks.
@papabatsy
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWritesWell, you've changed my mind. Your welcome.
@dantimber
Ай бұрын
You know you're driving yourself crazy overanalyzing this breakup. You're perfectly normal. :-)
@KarolinaWrites
Ай бұрын
@@dantimber I appreciate your comment, but I promise I'm not driving myself crazy (at least I don't see it that way) :)
@JustSmilePsycho
Ай бұрын
@@KarolinaWritesBtw, it is excellent for anyone to do self analyzing. It is call Self Awareness. This is how a person can tweak or improve their behavior if it has a negative outcomes for you. For a person to say, don't go crazy on analyzing is just turning a blind eye and not try to learn, grow and improve yourself as a person, especially if you're the toxic one. And that is NOT bad at all to do on yourself.
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