A lot of people probably suppress their desires. It's similar to being single or being in an unrequited-love scenario.
@Truthhaley
8 күн бұрын
I agree with you that it is unsustainable, and a stepping stone. I am currently two years into a marriage and 2 year gf situation and it is exhausting. I don't want to go deep into my story but Yelp I'm sure it can last for a while but eventually you have to decide.
@TheLateLifeLesbian
8 күн бұрын
I can definitely understand and thank you for sharing some! If you'd ever like to talk more and have some support as you're working through all of this, I'm here for you! You can reach out to me privately on IG @thelatelifelesbian or email me if you'd like thelatelifelesbian@gmail.com
@heisensaul5538
7 ай бұрын
If you're able to repress your desires yes, but it may still lead to a loveless marriage. If you are truthful with yourself, it would be almost impossible to fight your inner urges.
@maryannflannigan7468
7 ай бұрын
It was difficult for me coming out as a trans woman. I literally lost everything. I tried dating men, but that wasn't for me. I am a Lesbian now, not because that's what I decided to do, but because I realized that men are not my thing. Besides I grew up hating men. I am learning about the Lesbian lifestyle and am doing good so far. I hope to have a loving partner one day.
@Becoming0ne
7 ай бұрын
I have seen a lot of people in KZitem comments say things like, “I’m 70 yrs old and gay and have been in a heterosexual relationship for 45 years”. Which always makes me pause and wonder how they did it. For myself, I have been married for 25 years and maybe everything wasn’t amazing for all those years, but it was ok. Surely, I can keep being ok, even though I now know more about myself? Maybe some things would be better in a same-sex marriage, but I would have to destroy a lot to make those gains. And establishing a healthy relationship with some yet unknown person is not guaranteed, whereas what I have now in my hetero marriage is tried and tested. At this point, I think it is better to live with some longing and loss, than destroy the lives of all the people I love.
@spaceparrot8702
7 ай бұрын
This is a textbook example of being stuck in one's comfort zone. I know, probably doesn't feel good to get it this bluntly, however, causing pain isn't what drives me when I tell this to people. I've seen first hand what this comes down to. suppressing your desires creates tension in one's mind. It's not something we consciously recognize, it just slowly eats away at our health psychosomatically. Also people close to us will feel this negative energy and it will shape the way they feel about you on a molecular level. Little by little, trust fades away and so does respect. The person begins to contemplate what could have been and that's when it gets really bad, because it adds more fuel to the fire of longing for something you've never had. If someone enters a marriage they don't want, starts a life different from their hopes and dreams, they lose the clarity and satisfaction of being true to themselves. Sure, people can stay in an unwanted situation for years or sometimes all their lives, but it will hurt them and their loved ones in the long term. Anyone can say anything. The one thing I definitely know to be true is that dysphoria of the mind will eventually manifest itself on the outside and might even destroy some people. We've seen it happen, nothing new.
@TheLateLifeLesbian
7 ай бұрын
@spaceparrot8702 I love this explanation! I haven't heard it out exactly this way before but this is so true! Thank you for sharing ❤️
@spaceparrot8702
7 ай бұрын
@@TheLateLifeLesbian Thanks! Looks like the 4 years of intense research and study in psychology are paying off :) My main focus points in it are narcissism, narcissistic abuse, self-awareness and psychosomatics. Getting invested in these topics naturally brings a person to the realization that traumas and living a life of discontent must be confronted and dealt with. Change is inevitable, I say it's better to be on its good side.
@HorsesTravelVlogsJack
7 ай бұрын
I know some people open up the relationship - or makes a polyamourous relationship but for me it's very hard to think this in my head.
@emilielewis5805
7 ай бұрын
I always have wondered if people have happily made this work
@kunaja257
7 ай бұрын
How can I love lesbians if I'm male, can you help me
@spaceparrot8702
7 ай бұрын
This is an exceptionally great topic. Knowing both of my great-grandparents on my maternal grandfather's side were secretly homosexual living in a heterosexual marriage, it got me thinking a lot back then. I'm not a lesbian woman, but a gay man, so please nobody take offense in case I say something weird :D I have seen dozens upon dozens of married couples who were very unhappy in the marriage. Some were even pathologically miserable, for several years. There are a lot of factors in play here, according to both psychology and what I've seen over the years: traumas related to narcissistic abuse, peer pressure, lack of self-awareness and of course what these all come down to, which is co-dependency (aka relationship addiction). It's completely similar to any biochemical addiction. Co-dependent relationship patterns are pretty much hardwired in many many many people's brains today. The fact that people glorify marriage and having kids more and more by the day just adds fuel to the fire I think. A big family is the desired way of life according to trends, and so people go above and beyond to make this happen at all costs. This is where it all starts to go downhill. People don't take the time to get to know themselves first, they rush into a marriage and parenthood and in their haste, they never truly learn what their own desires, wants and needs truly are. The human soul, however, can't be fooled and put on ice. Living a life other than what aligns with your inner self-image, your wants and needs, causes disharmony within the unconscious. It will eventually seep into our conscious self and begin psychosomatically manifesting itself in our bodies. It begins with a constant feleing of discontent. Feeling out of tune with your own self every second of every day may disrupt healthy sleep patterns, cause anxiety, mood swings, depression and even seemingly unrelated symptoms like occasional joint pain, migraines and sometimes auto-immune diseases. People only ever reach the point of "Sort of OK" with this way of living. It slowly enters their comfort zone, they develop coping mechanisms such as selective hearing and sometimes even complete numbness to the partner's existence. This is the point where they begin saying things like "10 years are 10 years, this isn't something we can just throw away", or "We've worked for years to get this house, I'm not giving it up", or "I'll do it for the kids' sake". These are ways of avoiding responsibility, blame shifting and just lazily sitting in the lukewarm piss that is one's comfort zone. All the while both partners know deep down that they want something else. They both feel the physical and mental pain that they cause by staying in the relationship/situation. What they don't truly know are their true desires in life and their real nature. They lack true self-awareness and that automatically comes down to the inability to properly see life and the world for what it is. If you can't do that, you won't be able to become whole and content with your own life. All in all, I'm in total agreement with you on this. A heterosexual marriage for a lesbian is completely unsustainable, just as it is in any situation that one or maybe even both people in the relationship don't want. Us humans have both a physical and mental need for living a life true to our nature. Clever people said back then: what plagues the mind will poison the body.
@TheLateLifeLesbian
7 ай бұрын
This is all so great! Would you mind if I copy and pasted your comment and shared it without the community I run? So many women in this situation are saying the exact things you said and I think that hearing this from a psychological standpoint and what it can do to the mind and body may be helpful for them
@spaceparrot8702
7 ай бұрын
@@TheLateLifeLesbian Feel free to do so. Brings me peace if I can help even just one person through this. I really feel especially for women, the peer pressure and sexism they face along with life's hardships disgust me. Society could learn a thing or two from lesbians. I only know just a few, and yet their capacity for caring and honesty are beyond exemplary.
@TheLateLifeLesbian
7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much and for all your support. I hope we can all live in a place one day where we can all feel free to be who we are!
@spaceparrot8702
7 ай бұрын
@@TheLateLifeLesbian That would be so great indeed! We still have a long way to go, and they should really implement self-awareness classes into the education of high schoolers. I finished it 6 years ago and it could have been a much easier 6 years if we had actual life stuff taught there :D
@TheLateLifeLesbian
7 ай бұрын
@@spaceparrot8702 I agree! We absolutely need more life skills taught and also emotional and self awareness
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