If we have three generations of adults with attachment disorders it makes sense that everyone has become so antisocial and hostile and that so many people are eschewing marrying and having kids
@pipwhitefeather5768
4 ай бұрын
I read the continuum concept before I had children and realised that we do all the wrong things! It is a fantastic book for everyone ESPECIALLY BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN! Lol It seemed so obvious to me after that. I didn't leave my babies until they were over 3 and I breast fed them until they were ready to stop, it tailed off in the second year to night feeds, or feeds when they were upset from something. I couldn't have left them with a stranger ever. Thank you for this video.
@ellenhendricks4606
4 ай бұрын
I loved the Continuum Concept!!!! Irene mentioned it once randomly in a vlog
@Marie-yx5ie
4 ай бұрын
We definitely need to get our priorities right, we are toooo materialisic and that's such a high price to pay for a healthy society. We need to get back to brass tacks 👍😉🇨🇮☘️Eire
@00samira00
4 ай бұрын
But you have to put in context how bad the American mentality on maternity leave is. No other developed country would even consider a mother returning to work after 6 weeks or even 3 months so the idea of daycare means very different things. Most kids start daycare at around 1 year old here (Sweden) and even that is jarring for a kid. It’s crazy to me that it’s even allowed to leave your infant at daycare, that is child abandonment. They know nothing but the mother and can’t even move by themselves but you just go bye
@ellenhendricks4606
4 ай бұрын
This hurts my soul 💔
@cocojoller
4 ай бұрын
In Switzerland you get 12 weeks of paid maternity leave (80% of your salary). And you work until the day your baby is born - unless your gyn is calling you ‚sick‘ around two weeks before due date. It’s not as bad as in the US, but still nowhere near healthy. If you can afford it, you take an unpaid vacation until the baby is 6mo, but most just can’t. Western society as a whole desperately needs to reevaluate what is important in our limited time on this planet.
@laurah2831
4 ай бұрын
I think what’s missing here is the woman should not be doing this alone. In order to be regulated - partly meaning well rested - she needs other regulated adults on hand whenever she needs including, historically, other lactating women if she has no milk. I don’t think the comparison with animals is relevant as human childbirth is way more dangerous, long recovery, and lifelong impact. Many animal offspring die before they’re independent. Definitely not bears. Maybe elephants, who stay together for their entire lives, but still many die
@Marie-yx5ie
4 ай бұрын
Hi Irene, I certainly agree 100% with you my Mother worked full time when I was young, she provided the best of everything for me except my emotional needs. She died when I was 19 my father died when I was 5. I am 66 I rared 4 of my own children and taken care of other children, I work in daycare and now my grandchildren for the last 8 year's. I am trying to make it right for every child I have minded ever since. It obviously had such an impacted on my childhood. You are doing fantastic work 👏👏👏 👍😉🇨🇮☘️Eire
@sallykins3800
4 ай бұрын
You are correct, a lot of women don’t want to admit it . I am 55 and am still now struggling with the damaging effects of my childhood, both parents worked , as the youngest I came home to a cold empty dark house, walked home alone from age 9 which scared me , I waited 3 hours for siblings and parents to come home . My mother was emotionally and physically absent. I have struggled with depression, anxiety and relationships my entire life and of course my behaviour with my own children
@eleanor4759
4 ай бұрын
God, I'm so sorry.
@Hannah-hv5pc
4 ай бұрын
Thanks for this video. I faced a lot of criticism because I looked after my own babies from birth to kindergarten. I had mornings-only jobs after that, so I could pick them up at lunchtime and be with them in the afternoons. I was viewed as a vegetable by working moms. There was a complete lack of understanding about what a baby needs. I remember being offered a job when my first baby was 4 months old and refusing it. I was also offered a job when my 3rd baby was 6 weeks ago. I was viewed as 'someone who did very little all day', and must really want to do someting more interesting. Job offers came like this, "as you are doing nothing right now, perhaps you could ... ... . There was a total lack of comprehension about the importance of bonding and breastfeeding. I used, 'The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding', as my guide / La Leche League. This book gave me the strength to resist the people who wanted me to do something, that in their view was more meaningful. When in doubt, I remembered the words of advice in the book on-demand feeding, the bit about 'Eve not having a watch. The early years of my children's lives were very precious and especially meaningful.
@eleanor4759
4 ай бұрын
I find this work cuts through the need to understand and unpack all your past difficulties on cognitive level. That's what's most beautiful to me. Omg...the years I spent trying to psychoanalyse everything and many times, just reliving. LOVE somatics ❤
@peacheyearth
4 ай бұрын
❤ feeling this!!
@michaelaklamert2133
4 ай бұрын
what do you do if you have to go back to work, otherwise you‘ll lose your job? it‘s not all about materialism, often it‘s about surviving!
@ellenhendricks4606
4 ай бұрын
I have been avoiding this video because it's completely true. I am prior military and we are bound by law to return to work after around 3 months. I narrowly avoided this by getting out when I could, but I have friends who will have to face it. I don't have the heart to share this with them because there's nothing they can do. But I know you're right. It just hurts.
@GoldandPinkLight
4 ай бұрын
I'm so glad this is being talked about. I got pregnant at age 27. I was not married nor did I want to stay with the father of the child (who was really struggling financially). I knew I would have to go back to work soon after childbirth and that I would have to put the child in day care. This was almost 27 years ago now. I knew that I could not cope with the heart break, for myself and my child, of putting a child in daycare. I had an abortion. I'm so glad my feelings are being validated.
@eleanor4759
4 ай бұрын
❤
@noblethoughts4500
4 ай бұрын
I agree with all of this so passionately and appreciate the courage it takes to speak these fundamental truths out loud. I first read Jean Liedloff back in the early 90's when my first child was absent 2. So validating and instructive. Furthermore I would go even farther than the age 3. My spiritual guide once said that if baby can remain with mother until age 7, then that baby can become anything in life. Deep love, regulation implied. Of course, we all basically need this always throughout life in one form or another! Loved this video. Thank you.
@Tigergrrll
4 ай бұрын
What do you think about people having babies close together? Do you feel as if it’s best to wait 3 years apart to have children?
@kelciamoree
4 ай бұрын
Excellent question and now I’m wondering the same
@lovesupreme81
4 ай бұрын
That video is not a good example of what you’re talking about if we are speaking about the US. I think other countries are far more developed in this sense. It is brutal and cruel to suggest child care is harmful when there’s literally no other option for most families. 1) OF COURSE we need 3 years of bonding time. There’s a huge body of work correlating all manner of behavioral challenges with lack of bonding time. But the focus cannot simply be on the behaviors and choices of families, because in the US there is no paid family leave. Families do not have the same familial resources and systems depending on culture. Most folks cannot afford a nanny (most families actually can’t afford child care here in the US). And often other family members who might watch children have their own economic burdens. We are truly in a crisis all around, and at this point things are so awful easily accessible, safe, nurturing and affordable child care would be a welcome serivce for those who Have to keep their lights on and families fed. 2) We don’t have a QUALITY ECE system in the US, which after 3+ can be incredibly developmentally appropriate. There is an entire body of child hood development research that supports this. I appreciate the tools presented as an offering of healing, for all of us still surviving US captialism, and a lack of public investment in families.
@Lina-dq9qb
4 ай бұрын
I think comparing raising kids to raising animals isnt a fair comparison. The level of complexity is at another level with kids. I ve done both. With kids - saying its easy is really not an accurate description. Raising animals? Sure "easy" can be an applicable term
@rmroberts94
4 ай бұрын
So important! My generation of moms had an "awakening" to some of this back in the 90s and early 2000s. I was a huge fan of The Continuum Concept. I was encouraged that maybe societal awareness was changing. But fast forward to 2024 and we seem farther away from these ideas than ever. 😞
@ellenhendricks4606
4 ай бұрын
Commenting again as I watch... I feel like the US is going to have this hard transition where we learn these things from you and other pioneers, and we begin to implement them, but its mych harder to implement when we DO have generational abuse and trauma in the family system. The hardest turning point might be NOW, when the millenials/gen Z are having babies the "right" way like in The Continuum Concept but doing it largely on their own because they don't want to expose their babies to their family's toxicity. Talk about the weight of the world on your shoulders 🥴
@eleanor4759
4 ай бұрын
21:26 what about the adult children who are seeing the ripple effects in their parents? 🤣
@rohinplays2677
4 ай бұрын
Hi Irene , I am Indian from South Africa . We were many living under one roof , very comfortable . The best thing was that 3 of us mums had babies a year after each other . So each child had 3 mums a set of grand parents aunts and uncles and their children . Was amazing . If I had my children now I would do it over again . Our rural Africans say “ when a chid is born it is the responsibility of the community. Although times are changing because of abuse and many other little problems. Thank you !!
@marisayounge3226
4 ай бұрын
I am also from SA....I agree with you
@tamikaroselove
2 ай бұрын
Always so beautifully expressed Irene. Appreciate and totally agree with all you've said. Our Western world basically creates trauma. It is upside down and back to front.
@kaja9490
2 ай бұрын
I love this video, so true! And can we now have daycare for moms with babies and toddlers, so the moms can focus on their young's needs while other adults focus on the mom's needs 😊
@bettycoutts4739
4 ай бұрын
But we are different than animals in that our human relationships with each other are more advanced and intellectual. So we do want a relationship with both parents, not just our mothers.
@yannickmaya4811
4 ай бұрын
@Irene Lyon please answer this as I am also curious about this, also please provide us a solution for the women who need to work and stay far away from their family, as this case happens commonly on today society, what choice we could take to minimise the risk in the future for the child, if us as a woman needs to work and provide ourself? Thank you so much @Irene Lyon
@tonyawilliams4053
4 ай бұрын
You are 100% correct!!!!
@lindam4133
4 ай бұрын
I'm totally honest when I say that I couldn't yet watch much more than the first bit, with the ladies talking about how terrible it is for young kids to be put into daycare. It's too painful to watch when, as a mother, you didn't have much of a choice but seek support from daycare facilities. Personally, I had no support from family, as I had moved abroad, and the husband's family was nowhere near either. Well, to be quite honest, I didn't really want his family to be involved much (narcissistic parents)... As an older mum with a history of depression of anxiety (i.e. dysregulation), I needed help, I needed a break every now and then, as I would have lost the plot otherwise. Both boys went from around 2 years of age, not fulltime but a few mornings a week, slowly increasing to longer days. I'm based in the UK where kids start school at around 4 years of age. I think my first son (now 12) found it harder to settle into nursery, whereas my second son (4) has been loving going to his nursery where he's made some lovely friends. There's loads of outdoor play, large garden, no plasticky toys etc etc. But I digress. I believe that Irene is right and in an ideal world mums are supported by a large family without needing any external, paid help. But let's not forget that there are also other ways to bond with your kid, eg by extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping. In fact, both kids still sleep in my bed and my 4-year still occasionally breastfeeds at night (yes, there's still milk, believe it or not). We're all very close and even if my 12-year old is slowly turning into a little teenager, I have no doubt that both kids feel deeply loved. Anyway, it would be great to live in an ideal world... I'm glad there are such teachings and practices that help people heal, so thank you Irene, you're wonderful.
@philosophiedesgesundwerden8274
4 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing, I see some similarities in my own experience I just put in the comments. You did a great job to find a good balance, very inspiring!
@renee9844
3 ай бұрын
I am a preschool teacher and I can tell you I love these babies and so do my coworkers. They are loved, given our full attention and they love coming in the door every morning . It gives moms the break they desperately need!
@veronicaostling5194
3 ай бұрын
I am to but I think we did a big mistake with leaving our small children at The preeschool ..No teacher in the world can never replace the Mother. If I could do it all over again I would take care of my children myself instead of leaving them at The daycare..
@niebieskimotyl3308
4 ай бұрын
Humans are not close to bears, cats or dogs. We're close to monkeys, especially chimpanzee, who live in a large family group, with father also being around. But females, aunts and cousins are the main help to mothers. But still, little chimpanzee stay close to the mother until age 6 and they breastfeed for that time. In comparison, cats do it only for couple of weeks, big cats for couple of months.
@ellenhendricks4606
4 ай бұрын
Cats and dogs stay with their mothers longer than American babies are allowed to 🤦♀️
@veraw2121
4 ай бұрын
Yes! The ideal situation is regulated mom who lives her life in a close tribe like community, in a way where the baby can be constantly close to her but doesn't revolve around that baby
@tarakadir9259
4 ай бұрын
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤
@frfr72
4 ай бұрын
My mom when I was born ,she was studyng to be a Dentist ,and my grandma was my first care giver , and when I have my daughters , her mother start working 3 or 4 month later and I became the first care giver . The only thing that I couldn't do is giving breastfeed . And now I am suffering from chronic pain on my back sin 2011 after 5 low back surgeries . Thank you Irene . How can I heal myself ? Please need help ❤❤❤
@IreneLyon
4 ай бұрын
Hello @frfr72, Sophia here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment and for sharing about what is going on for you and your family. We don't generally assess individual symptoms because of the complex nature of this work. Irene's work helps most people heal at the nervous system level, which generally has a positive impact on the entire human system. But, we can not say whether or not it will help heal a specific ailment as it would be unethical to do so. What we can say is that this work has impacted a lot of people positively who have suffered from a wide variety of syndromes, diseases, etc. We invite you to check out the student testimonials to see what they have to say. irenelyon.com/successstories/ Many folks find this nervous system work at its heart is about becoming who YOU truly are and finally learning what it means to go from living in a state of survival, stress and anxiety to a place of hope, possibility and solid well-being. A good place to start would be Irene's free resources and mini training "Healing Trauma", all of which are housed under this link: irenelyon.com/free-resources/ If diving into this world of nervous system education and its practices speak to you and you want to go deeper than what she offers through her free resources (which are pretty extensive!), then be sure to check out both of her online programs, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune-Up 21daytuneup.com/ and SmartBody SmartMind™ smartbodysmartmind.com/, which are designed to work with all types of trauma at the deep level of the nervous system to fundamentally change the way you are in relationship to yourself, others, and the environment around you. Feel free to reach out to our support inbox if you have any further queries. All the best.
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