Shallon I loved your video (as always)! This is my theory: I don’t think that we should call it being addicted to love (it might look similar to addiction but an addiction is causing harm, while I think we just lack romantic love). Hear me out 😅 When we have a nutrient deficiency and we need to take supplements or change our diet, nobody is saying “you’re addicted to that vitamin” - it is natural that you’d need it in order to thrive. An addiction causes harm, a deficiency can be fixed and you’ll feel better. To me, that’s how love is. When I was single I couldn’t see a clear path for my future because I knew at some point my parents won’t be here anymore and they are my tribe. My family is my constant, while my friends have come and gone. I wanted to have my own family, a constant, a marriage that will last. I’m not married yet but a girl can dream 😁 Knowing that I have a relationship makes me feel calmer as I can see a path for my future that is not just job-related. Having a job is great, I love it, but it’s not going to give me a hug at night or kiss me good morning. I’m a human, not a work machine. My tip for finding the perfect partner: You don’t need someone who is perfect, look for someone that is going to support you no matter what and someone who will never give up on you!
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
I love ALL of this so much!! That’s a really good point about a relationship helping you see the future. I feel the same way about my family, and I’ve always been scared about the future for that reason. What happens when they’re gone? I fell in love with someone last year who for the first time made me picture getting old, and feeling OK with it. And ever since then that’s what I’ve been looking for. Not just someone who’s going to be fun here and now, with someone who’s going to be fun then! And you’re right, looking for someone who is supportive is the new goal not just someone who’s going to be perfect or look good on Instagram. Thank you for the wise words!
@eabarza
6 ай бұрын
I agree! I think the emotional get away car isnt to take you away from anything but rather trying to fill a need. Whenever i’m in countries like Romania, Spain, Italy etc i realise how artifically deprived we are of connection. In those countries you have dinner for hours with your extended family, you know your neighbours and go over for a coffee or just outside and someone will join you. Your need to connect is always fulfilled. Here, we have to drive to one another and we have more nights in, scrolling on instagram, than hanging out.
@gwen08g
6 ай бұрын
@@shallonlester you have a lot to offer a partner. You have stability, you have wisdom, and I think that you will find a partner sooner than you think!
@mev2861
6 ай бұрын
Love this feedback. The word “addiction” comes with a negative energy and perhaps using this word is the prelude to why the stigma began when used with the word love.
@narnia139
6 ай бұрын
What a sensible comment...❤ how horribly difficult it has become to find what you so eloquently describe... Best wishes to you and all people thinking like you!
@e.l.lucychiron
6 ай бұрын
Bad relationships are infinitely worse than being single. No matter how much you love love, you should never forget that.
@HurricaneQueen777
6 ай бұрын
That’s right choosing to be single protects you from like 99% of drama like that but at the same time we just wanna be loved…it’s so ugh!!
@TT.3123
6 ай бұрын
I second this. From experience.
@helenjoanna49
6 ай бұрын
But J Lo lies....she still cannot be single ! She wants everyone to think the opposite though and even says 'oh I conquered it!' Big big lie
@animalmania6246
6 ай бұрын
I stopped looking for love instead focus on partnership, and a person I can be best friends with and I got all these things with love. Earlier for me love used to be all chemistry and fireworks, but as I changed the definition for it, I got something even more beautiful.
@ygujt
6 ай бұрын
People judge you if you're single and they also judge you for looking for love .
@faaaduma6876
6 ай бұрын
Specially if you're a woman. You can't win either way.
@SusanaXpeace2u
6 ай бұрын
Cos it JUST HAPPENS 😂😂😂😂
@cangrejitamiry
6 ай бұрын
People don’t judge you if you stay in a relationship where you are just a placeholder, though 😢
@MISSMADISONMEDIA
6 ай бұрын
@@cangrejitamiry i judge this😂
@cangrejitamiry
6 ай бұрын
@@MISSMADISONMEDIA 😬
@hollygrace6814
6 ай бұрын
Shallon, I want love, but I am actually addicted to being alone. and its not good. I hope you could cover this as well
@mlacroix43
6 ай бұрын
Yess!
@19katsandcounting
6 ай бұрын
Avoidant attachment style. Can still be a love addict.
@natalygarciaaraujo631
6 ай бұрын
I think she touched a bit of this topic on her previous video! “Valentine’s Day: Pep Talk”
@kittyfairy662
6 ай бұрын
This is me, even on tinder if a guy messages me I just can't be bothered replying back bc it's tiring, I hate getting to know new people
@AFFTFOMSICHTS
6 ай бұрын
I’ve never related to something more
@GoblinsAreAGirlsBestFriend
6 ай бұрын
I only have no patience for people who "can't be alone" who ACTUALLY can't be alone. I think there's a bit of a difference here. When I refer to people like that, I refer to people who haven't gone ONE adult year without a serious relationship (that's not counting casual dating around). I have a former friend who literally hops from one serious relationship straight into the next - not more than 2 months apart, and I'm talking MOVING IN TOGETHER immediately. And then every time at the end of it she's like "I rushed into this because I was hurt from the relationship before, I'm not actually happy with him", breaks his heart and does the same thing again. I reserve the fucking right to call that out. There's a difference between hopeful romantics and crackheads.
@Nani-qg9vc
6 ай бұрын
Well also if someone isn’t taking the time to heal from a past relationship, isn’t looking at their objective patterns and taking corrective action, then they’re not self aware enough to even know the pain they’re causing. I don’t have patience for that type of thing either because it’s acting like a hopeless romantic but it’s someone who’s detrimental to themselves and the well being of others.
@ania5038
6 ай бұрын
I haven't been single since 18 but I've only been in the same one relationship. I don't think that makes me a crackhead.
@AFFTFOMSICHTS
6 ай бұрын
@@ania5038that’s not the same though.
@AFFTFOMSICHTS
6 ай бұрын
THIS!!!! There’s a HUGE difference !!! I also have a friend like this and she’s my only friend who hasn’t grown much as a person since high school.
@tinydreamerrr
6 ай бұрын
YUP
@HIGHIMALYSSA
6 ай бұрын
Every relationship you have is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
@marissaanderson3647
2 ай бұрын
That is one of the wisest things I have ever heard
@SusanaXpeace2u
6 ай бұрын
That "bored on your own at home" feeling is still less frequent and less annoying than being annoyed by the presence of somebody a bit annoying......
@AFFTFOMSICHTS
6 ай бұрын
Absolutely 💯
@nzarzecki
6 ай бұрын
A million percent... sometimes a crush is just a lack of information. 😮😮💨
@Nani-qg9vc
6 ай бұрын
I was talking to my therapist about really wanting a healthy, happy, committed and loving relationship. My therapist listened to me go around and around about not wanting someone then wanting someone then not then wanting someone. Finally he cut it short and was like “so…something I’m gathering you want is a healthy relationship….and you know that’s something reasonable to want? That legitimately made me cry in the moment because as someone who has been grinding through undergrad and law school for the past 6 years…I just never considered that love was something I could want, and that love could want me back? I’d been single for 2 years at that point, caught up in a 4 year long situationship. After embracing the mindset of “it’s okay to want a healthy and loving relationship” I started looking for healthier relationship dynamics because I finally embraced that it isn’t so crazy to want that! If you’re trying to keep yourself single and out of love so hard, you’re depriving yourself of love, and at some point you finally get thrown a breadcrumb and you take any scrap you can get because you’re starving yourself and then when it fails, it’s because you’re not boots on the ground investing in your love life. Love is a strategy of merging two equals. Find someone who you are attracted to, but primarily someone who you can work with. Someone who you can picture your future with and they’re picturing the same thing for themselves. Allow yourself to choose a healthy relationship. Look at your patterns and do the same for others. Observe what you do versus just what you say and you’ll start doing the same for others. And know you’re perfectly sane for wanting a healthy relationship, but don’t settle for anything else :)
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
I had almost the exact same conversation with my therapist one time. If he’s like you know… It’s OK to want love?? And truly no one had really said that to me. 🤯🤯 and he was kind of laughing like yeah no shit you wanna meet someone that’s normal. And after 15 years in New York that was definitely not the message I had been getting. And you’re so right about the scrap mentality. You get a little of it and then you go crazy and then you do end up making those pathetic desperate decisions, the very ones you were afraid of making, the ones that kept you single for so long !
@Nani-qg9vc
6 ай бұрын
@@shallonlester I get how the NY mentality can play into that too, it’s a lot of, “If I can achieve x,y,z but not find a healthy relationship…maybe there’s no such thing.” Especially just seeing how many talented, gorgeous, and cool people there are out there. It ultimately turns into denial of our own definition of holistic success as we give into the narrative, and fail to confront the habits or patterns that lead us to unhealthy (or unsatisfying) dynamics. Still, I’ve learned that prior experiences aren’t failures, they’re showing us what doesn’t align so we can take corrective action. Thanks for your response Shallon! My friends and I love your advice and you’ve helped us all get through so many heartbreaks and inspire us to keep trying to be our best selves!
@Xtheearthchildx
6 ай бұрын
I’m addicted to being alone and this year I’m being intentional about spending more time with my family and friends.
@RomyElizabeth
6 ай бұрын
I’m fucking HOWLING at the banned from Tinder part. 🤣 Legendary.
@Skier4Life-d4g
6 ай бұрын
But you are better on your own that’s why the odds aren’t in your favor for a life partner. You can’t undo the progress you’ve made in reaching the self-actualized version of Shallon Lester. That’s why no man feels right for you because you’re so far above them. It’s like being a physicist attending a 7th grade science class. What could you possibly get out of it? You’re an incredibly rare type of woman and the man you’re looking for is equally rare.
@mepulley7913
6 ай бұрын
Preach it!
@staceybiro4303
6 ай бұрын
So much of this resonated with me. I married my now husband in my 40s. It was my first marriage after many years of really being married to my career. I realize now that I had so many fears in my past relationships, fears of letting someone in, fears of really being myself. I know this comes from having a verbally abusive step-father who constantly told me I was fat and stupid (I was neither). But in forming my adult self-concept, I reinforced it with some pretty strong walls. I picked men who I knew would leave me. Finally, when I met my now husband, I really thought we would be just friends. It surprised us both to catch feelings, but it was cool to fall for someone I could be myself around. Shalon, the right person will come to you. Don't listen to any negativity.
@bluecollarlit
6 ай бұрын
Why would your mother marry someone who was horrible to you? I don't understand this.
@staceybiro4303
6 ай бұрын
@@bluecollarlit wasn't my choice. I can't speak for her.
@colleenmariet
6 ай бұрын
I take Vyvanse for ADHD and it helped me finally leave my situationship. The stimulation was replaced.
@niziangely5469
6 ай бұрын
I truly relate with loving everyone but yourself! Also when we come from traumatic housholds we tend to seek partners that emulate what we lacked in childhood. Therefore, repeating the same cicles you hate. What worked for me is to get out of the victim mentality and it took my early 20’s for me to get to 28 now and accept that no one is going to come save me from myself. No parent, no friend, no man can do that but you.
@imjacobthornton
6 ай бұрын
28 now as well and I've been on the same journey. We should congratulate ourselves for taking on such an arduous task that so many people never confront.
@Alicia85208
6 ай бұрын
“It takes so much strength to keep believing” This reminds me of Charlotte from Sex and the City. She never gave up and was the biggest believer in true love. Speaking of, can you do a video on the SATC character archetypes? ❤️
@violet7752
6 ай бұрын
She’s the only one from the show that never got married in real life.
@ashleylacombe8935
6 ай бұрын
Shallon, one day, can you do a video on when it's time to fire your therapist or how to know you're getting good advice/help from them? Something along those lines? I always have a problem finding a good therapist. I feel like most of them just tell me what they think I want to hear.
@crystalglopez91623
6 ай бұрын
There’s a point where you realize , it’s more beneficial to hire a coach than a therapist.
@linnetteveloso4465
6 ай бұрын
I would love this as well. I had to “break up” with two different therapists
@tih6317
6 ай бұрын
If you truly are "a narcissist, with a baby n" then, what you're referring to as 'love addiction' could actually be 'narcissistic supply.' Narcissistic people can be super successful in many areas of their lives, but the disorder inherently means that they'll *always* struggle with the relationship that they have with themselves.. 'Supply' is the ultimate distraction from that. The very few that become self-aware, and consistently go to a Psychologist, who specialises is Cluster B personality disorders, are the only ones that have a chance of somewhat reducing their struggle.
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
I think you may be right
@georgiannanebel348
6 ай бұрын
I like your view, you're so smart. Can't stand Jlo. I got married because I didn't know how to deal with love, so that was my way to fill that blank, the "task of finding a partner and get done with it"..So that was not smart and very painful. I did that at 29 , I'm 66 , divorced and still trying to fill the love blank and at the same time running from it. And yes Im not ashamed of keeping the faith and the illlusion . I still feel like Im 29 and having faith that someday somehow I will experience a true love story for the first time. So Shallon Im sure you' re gonna make it too.🤗 (Sorry for my grammar, english is not my first language)
@bluecollarlit
6 ай бұрын
Your English and grammar are fine, good comment.
@aimveryhigh
6 ай бұрын
I couldn’t make it through the first 10 minutes of the “movie.” It’s too “pick me” for my taste and I’m surprised you related to her like this. Great video nonetheless. I don’t understand how JLo got to this place of “I’m great on my own” when she hasn’t experienced it. She releases this very over the top production not long after marrying an ex, who is still (at the least) an alcoholic, doesn’t appear to respect his children’s mother, and is barely there for his own kids. He is hot though 😂. I’ve never been able to put “authentic” and Jennifer Lopez in the same sentence, and this movie/music video solidified that for me unfortunately. You’re a boss Shallon. JLo should look up to you. Not the other way around.
@danidiaz2377
6 ай бұрын
I honestly prefer people who are honest about wanting to be in a relationship than people who constantly demonize them almost to convince themselves it’s not what they want. It’s okay to be single because you don’t want to settle for all the garbage men out there while still acknowledging that you would like to be in aa hood relationship rather than being single
@uhhhhh4748
6 ай бұрын
Shallon and J Lo both aren't picky enough with men
@Bunny11344
6 ай бұрын
@@uhhhhh4748this is why I think shallon is single. She dates younger men.. not saying that’s a bad thing.. but we talking like a massive age gap where you know there isn’t a future. Dating anyone in their early 20s is a red flag in itself ..
@doctorajaguar
6 ай бұрын
When you compare different types of relationships to put in perspective the "its ok if I never find a partner again" to "its ok if I never make friends again" it makes it truly sound insane and I dont know how to feel about it. I have always view the capacity to be alone as a strenght, as truly powerful, because I believe that your happiness should come from within, not given from an outside source (just like selfsteem). We want a partner to share that with, to share life, moments and memories, but without becoming dependent on them I guess.
@lpidoforaemmanouilidou3156
6 ай бұрын
I love that analogy!
@flyleelee5351
6 ай бұрын
Jlo is codependent and the movie is her story about realizing it
@ShadyBooty
6 ай бұрын
Keanu, Jim Carrey (pretty sure), Brandon Boyd, Hayden Christensen.. just a few seemingly amazing men who have never married and have spent many years alone. Getting right with being solo is key. If someone comes along that's a major plus. It's not make it or break it. I think that's being successful in self love and autonomy. Being addicted to chaos is not the answer. Happy you haven't caved into the love addiction tick. It's never easy. Cheers to you for opening up and helping us all out too.
@lisav6583
6 ай бұрын
Love or narcissistic supply? 🤔
@RachelGerrard
6 ай бұрын
In AA they call that mindset you describe as “restless, irritable and discontent” and that’s when the relapses tend to happen. Neurologically, that “hunger” is dopamine building up - the anticipation of seeking a reward. Addictions live in the survival part of the brain - it’s like a glitch that happens from repetition of seeking strong brain chemicals the same way we would if we were physically hungry. The channel Healthy Gamer is awesome at breaking down addictions and what to do about them x
@LunaLu-00
6 ай бұрын
Yup! That is why the man is constantly miserable,24/7. His first love is that kind of dopamine which he can never get from any woman...
@user-kh7ef4ho4d
6 ай бұрын
Emotionally immature parents lead to low self-esteem and inability to securely attach
@AnaRamos-ob8hv
6 ай бұрын
As usual..you are brilliant and so freaking spot ON with your observations.. I don't always align with your perspective but your analysis about emotions are on POINT.
@annakowalenko7002
6 ай бұрын
Recently asked a spiritual teacher who was discussing addictions if desire for a partner could also be an addiction. He said yes..I believe this. I have been single for a while and this is helping me.
@benjamindavis2475
6 ай бұрын
There's a difference between love and attachment. Love is when you selflessly care for someone (can be yourself or another) and attachment is wanting things for yourself. Attachments are an addiction but that doesn't mean it's abnormal. Attachments Keep us alive. People need community and resources and status in order to have a good life and reproduce
@user-qw7wx4kr9r
6 ай бұрын
Alternative view: women aren't designed to sit alone in middle age in a house with no-one. We were built for tribes, community, family. We are floundering because this is all new and also antithetical to millions of years of survival. We need connection.
@GoblinsAreAGirlsBestFriend
6 ай бұрын
Marriage and children are not the only form of connection or community, and endorsing the idea we're "not built" to go without that is really fucking toxic to be honest. I guess the widows who couldn't conceive can just go fuck themselves once they're middle age then, because there's no way for them to fulfill their biological requirements.
@Wild_flower_415
6 ай бұрын
How is that an “alternative view” to the video? Shallon says it’s fine and natural to want connection.
@rayoffuckingsunshine
6 ай бұрын
Meh.
@candylove49
6 ай бұрын
@@Wild_flower_415 Yes, it is an “alternate view” because so many people view romantic relationships as the end-all-be-all in order to feel fulfilment and get that human connection. Romance (from ONE individual) in the way people view it today, is a relatively recent invention in modern history. For hundreds of thousands of years we lived in tribes and procreated amongst those tribes and “romance” wasn’t a thing in the way it is today.
@user-qw7wx4kr9r
6 ай бұрын
@@Wild_flower_415 Because she then goes on to talk about her desire to connect being like an addiction. She talks about all the ways she has to distract herself with modern world pursuits to numb out that need. No other generation of women in history has had to experience this. We are all increasingly living alone and we weren't designed to live alone.
@aimveryhigh
6 ай бұрын
I WAS FINALLY ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP SHALLON!! 😭😭😂😂
@mlacroix43
6 ай бұрын
😂 right !! Lol
@jennahope4353
6 ай бұрын
same! hi from Austin Texas 🤘🏼
@missm.166
6 ай бұрын
Same Toronto Canada 🇨🇦
@TheReagDawg
6 ай бұрын
Here is the solution Get really clear with your core values and purpose And don’t date based on attraction alone date based on compatibility and life path alignment Anything else is just doing drugs It won’t get you anywhere but distracted and hungover
@mepulley7913
6 ай бұрын
Powerful words and realization, Bravo!
@samanthau1380
6 ай бұрын
I so badly want to like JLo; she’s very well spoken and seems intelligent. She’s certainly an incredible dancer/performer. I just have heard too many horrible stories about how she treats employees, wait staff, etc. Of course there’s a chance that none of it’s true, but when those rumors are so ubiquitous and have been for years…it makes you wonder
@kaleyjoplinRAWRR
6 ай бұрын
Same, I liked her in a few movies (Selena, monster in law to name a few) but I can’t like her at all. I have also heard she me very difficult and not friendly whatsoever. But in general, I just could never be a fan of hers lol. She seems mean to me.
@Rachel4momo
6 ай бұрын
I love that J.Lo released this film about wanting Love & such.
@Hannielle.
6 ай бұрын
I love your progression over the years Shallon. I’ve followed you a long time and continue to grow and challenge yourself. They things you share are so helpful because you are sharing your experience with others, which is something that really does help others.
@Karmalitasworld
6 ай бұрын
This eye makeup ate and left no crumbs ❤
@Speakup117
6 ай бұрын
Yess I love Keke's delivery and shes so mindful and honest in her interactions
@CarolineVictoriaable
6 ай бұрын
Shallon, sometimes im like what the fuck are you thinking or saying, but then I always am brought back around by your absolutely raw honesty. It is so refreshing. Ya, been going to love addicts anonymous meetings for past year, join the club
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
Wait is there really a love addict anonymous club?! I literally thought this is something Jennifer Lopez made up for the movie! I might investigate this
@sophiaeletskaya1104
6 ай бұрын
@@shallonlester yes it is, it is one of the very popular 12 step programs! you can start by reading their literature which I guess should be freely available
@Ella_muse-ic
6 ай бұрын
I’ve always admired your strength and independence Shallon. Your life is amazing. You have freedom, career, all the nice stuff. But it also sounds like it could be a lonely life being at the “top”. Like you said, you were always alone as a child. You had a lifetime to practice being alone. Everyone longs for something meaningful. Sometimes the meaningful things aren’t always in the nice things. Needing someone can be great. Commitment and lots of compromise is gonna be needed. Happiness will come and go. But to find something meaningful I think will be more fulfilling.
@hollygrace6814
6 ай бұрын
When men want to be alone, theyre alone. When men want love, they get love. Sigh
@MoMo-nk9jk
6 ай бұрын
Not true. It’s not fair to assume that men don’t struggle or yearn for love. There are A LOT of lonely men out there.
@hollygrace6814
6 ай бұрын
i agree, but i still also stand by my statement too. I feel like men are lonely for other reasons. but if they wanted a relationship at any point, boom, they get it. @@MoMo-nk9jk
@amarjotsingh8455
6 ай бұрын
there will always be incels but its easier for a successful man to date than a successful woman.. @@MoMo-nk9jk
@@MoMo-nk9jkno I do agree for sure, but I feel like they’re lonely for separate issues, if they wanted a girlfriend they’d get one pretty fast.
@bananafanalll6651
6 ай бұрын
I detoxed myself from love.. I was totally addicted and now… I give no efs. It a wonderful feeling to be over needing those dopamine and oxytocin hits.
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
I envy you
@LunaLu-00
6 ай бұрын
Me too! Plus I get plenty of it from my dog! And I prefer to get it & give it to my dog(s)! So much more fullfiling and 100% safe (if you know what I mean - no chance of disappointment whatsoever)
@bluecollarlit
6 ай бұрын
Cats and dogs are the best friends.
@dhrubaintisher8169
6 ай бұрын
I was waiting for this!! The movie was absolutely spectacular!!! I should mention that I'm not a Jennifer Lopez fan. But this movie and the stellar album made me admire and respect her very very much.
@alishaelizabeth7149
5 ай бұрын
This video resonated so much. Rollercoaster of emotions listening to this. Broke up with my boyfriend and moved out 2 weeks ago and every word struck a chord. Cried for the first time in 2 weeks which I’ve been telling my friends I’ve been needing. Thank you girl 🙏
@Sonia-pw4jy
6 ай бұрын
Just in time for my morning coffee omg
@SheisGraceful
6 ай бұрын
Sameee😍
@larajin9531
6 ай бұрын
Same 💯
@faaaduma6876
6 ай бұрын
LOL! Same here.
@85pickica85
6 ай бұрын
Same ☕
@gal5402
6 ай бұрын
People with NPD cannot last without a partner
@ElisaMarieKing
25 күн бұрын
I call it a movie/ extended video /film" or musical production 😄 But truly, this is what I've been waiting for from her. Now she's the unofficial face of Love Addiction. Hopefully, in time, people get into their own understanding of their insecure attachment and can appreciate the message.
@CymbaletteJaneMS
6 ай бұрын
Well, in Jennifer Lopez's case, I think she just eventually pushes people away with her behavior. They say that if someone is mean to everyone but you, it's just not your turn yet. She is repeatedly touted as one of the most horrible people to work with and for. Incredibly, openly rude, and I'm not talking about an assertive, boundary-setting career woman that others like to *accuse* of being rude to knock her down. Just patently awful to anyone she thinks is lower than her. I have no problem believing that she actually thought *everyone but her* was broken at some point. So yeah, unless she's willing to look even deeper than the wounded child trope and start addressing the way she thinks about and treats people she percieves as less than, she will just have to be okay with being alone.
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
I know some people who have worked with her and they didn’t describe her as rude just very focused and no nonsense. Like she’s a totally different person when work mode is on. Which I very much get. But, a lot of career driven people, not just women, don’t know how to turn it off when it comes to their personal life. They boss people around as if they are employees. And for some men, that can work if they have a submissive wife. But. Not a lot of alpha men, which is what an alpha woman like J Lo would ultimately want, would be OK with this.
@ShutUpTamra
6 ай бұрын
I agree. Difficult to serve and a terrible tipper. 🙄JLo keeps coming up as one of the rudest celebrities to waitstaff and drivers.
@laurita2225
6 ай бұрын
It’s ridiculous to think humans shouldn’t want love. I’m an alpha female working in tech at one of the biggest companies in the world making six figures. But that was easy to accomplish 🤣 Finding my husband and having my daughter is what I’ll always be most proud of. It’s okay to want it all, and it IS possible.
@kittyfairy662
6 ай бұрын
Well- I'm definitely not a love addict I just can't be bothered replying back even on tinder men are so tiring and draining, I love being at home alone. However, my life's dream is to find my soulmate I honestly wish I had more of that 'drive' to find a partner that others have, I'm too much at the opposite side of the spectrum where it also becomes a problem because I'm chronically single even though I really want a boyfriend
@gmac1384
6 ай бұрын
I love your advice and videos Shallon!! I think when you were tearing up when you asked yourself “for what?”, something is there for you to extract and explore. It hit something deep to sit with. I remember feeling this way and I knew it came from deep feeling of low self worth (you mentioned that in one of your videos). Insecurity vs. low self worth. I didn’t feel I was deserving in a deep level so my ego would take over and I would use men and the attention they can give me to help that emptiness inside. They were a distraction from myself.
@wonderkid-wr7mh
6 ай бұрын
Shallon, so much here. Thank you for doing this. I loved the movie..it was over the top and entertaining, and even profound like the moment where J Lo "embraces her inner child". As a happily divorced and financially secure mid 40s woman, I would say there is a huge difference between getting a job or losing extra pounds or getting ahead in one's career ...........and finding a soulmate. Because the later depends on another person! And we may just be at a point in humanity where there aren't male humans that are good enough for women any more. Even look at J Lo-Ben Affleck-Jennifer Garner. My head tried to pit the 2 ladies against each other but it did not work....I identify with JG as a mother myself but cannot help but admire the sensational J Lo. I am at the point where I feel Ben Affleck is the weakest link... why does he have to shuffle between the 2 women ?! It's almost archetypal. What one really wants is a man who will not only desire you, but will be honest and strong enough to stand his ground and STAY, instead of abandoning you when it gets uncomfortable ( J Lo - 2000s) .....a man who will stay single long enough to conquer his demons and then come back to home and hearth instead of flitting away from nanny to co star to old flame. It's sad. But there it is. These woman ( and us) deserve better!!
@goread5544
6 ай бұрын
Shallon it’s not that every man she dates wants to marry her - it’s that she only dates men that she knows will want to marry her instead of men she actually wants to marry. It’s all ego and fear of rejection.
@KB-tf8vp
6 ай бұрын
Agreed
@amandawebster7244
5 ай бұрын
I was really impressed w her movie. She really made this a meta journey. The message is great.
@kristenlei9472
6 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing this stance! I can’t stand it when people guilt you for looking for love.. nobody is happy being alone for an extended period of time. It’s natural for humans to feel fulfilled by having a partner and society shames women for some reason for not wanting to be alone.
@lauradiaz1888
2 ай бұрын
Thank you saying this. You also have to take into account that the Latin culture also pressures you to have a man and it is worse if you are Caribbean. I was born in Peru and I noticed this from a lot of women that were friends that were Brazilians, Venezuelans, etc. This not saying that all of them are like that but she comes from an older generation. I am a romantic and I want love in my life and I just turned 70 and have been alone for 6 years without anyone. I wish all of us lots of luck in finding the right person that loves❤❤❤
@sibymiller
6 ай бұрын
Everything👏🏻can👏🏻be👏🏻summarized👏🏻with👏🏻the👏🏻Barbie👏🏻monologue👏🏻 GOD! that was good movie. It should win the Oscar!
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
EVERYTHING circles back to the Barbie monologue. Everything.
@gingermofo
6 ай бұрын
Love the Siddartha reference 😂I love that book.
@teri3965
6 ай бұрын
Love addiction is a real thing. I’m 63 and completely uninterested in a boyfriend situation. I just love being single. I do have a “friend” who is much younger than me and enjoy the companionship on my terms. It’s exhausting being in the addiction.
@ambs9564
6 ай бұрын
crying bc you’re speaking facts. legit was just talking about this to my therapy.
@xFlorrible
6 ай бұрын
I've been watching your videos since the pandemic when you were staying with your mom in California and I just wanted to say this is by far your best video, I love what you're doing, you're changing for the better and actively showing us how to improve and the hardships that come with it. I appreciate it, thank you.
@michelelee909
6 ай бұрын
Miss Lester, you’re looking absolutely gorgeous. Sending tons of positive thoughts❤
@TK-xh1xc
5 ай бұрын
This was amazing Shallon! Thank you for your honesty and great insights as always.
@cherryblossom789
6 ай бұрын
I will never feel ashamed for wanting a boyfriend/girlfriend (I’m bi). It’s a natural human emotion. I try to listen to my deepest needs even though society tells me something different at times. It’s what makes me happiest in the end. I remember buying into the hype that we all needed to be the cool girl, not too feminine in a way (a misinterpretation of feminism maybe) but that always felt wrong to my core, so much so that I would watch ru Paul’s drag race and be envious of the contestants for being so shamelessly feminine, and even i as a cis woman felt that I wasn’t allowed to be as feminine and princessy as I really wanted (sounds strange, but that’s the thoughts I had) So now I try to listen to my needs over societal pressures more. Life is short, I want to make the most of it 😊
@yoyokanamihue6183
6 ай бұрын
Omg I’m so early! Hey shallon can you do videos about parents and their impact on their kids?
@florvallejomanchon519
4 ай бұрын
You look amazing with that hair and that makeup
@tiffanypassiondolls
5 ай бұрын
This episode just changed my life. Thank you Shallon, you get it.
@MA-yc7pz
5 ай бұрын
So true it gets a lot of strength to keep believing..I felt that P.S replace the decor with a mirror and real flowers
@Lisajed
6 ай бұрын
i AM happiest when I don't have anything scheduled for the whole week! That allows me to be spontaneous, creative and in 'flow' with the universe! I laughed so hard when Shallon said "Good for you Siddartha!!" 😅😅
@heathergillespie4904
6 ай бұрын
Hey, Shall!💗💋 I'm not a love addict but many of your work throughs resonate for productive reasons. I'm reconstructing my and my Mom's lives to run smoother. It's about the progress. However slow🙏🏾
@JohnDoe-pg9oq
6 ай бұрын
Like you’ve said in past videos, people don’t stay in relationship dynamics that don’t provide some sort of emotional payout for them. What emotional payout are you getting from serial dating? Keep working at it I know you’ll find the love of your life one day!
@johannapiard5784
6 ай бұрын
Ramble away, Shallon. This video is speaking to my soul. Definitely will be watching it now 🤍
@Tricialicia
6 ай бұрын
As women we really need to stop identifying ourselves by whether or not we are being loved by a man. I’ve been a model and a singer my entire adult life, and now at 36 I’m done trying to find a man to measure up. They fall short the more you value your worth. But I am greatly admired and desired. There’s always greener grass. Let’s focus on the greatness of being too good for anyone’s bad breath, unhealed trauma, poor habits and vices, dirty clothes on the floor, disrespect, disdain, abuse, toxic behavior, disappointing dates, or boring routines. They’re not even in the same league as a self sufficient woman with an interesting life.
@candylove49
6 ай бұрын
Totally agree with this comment! Be careful, people might fight you tooth and nail about this.
@ShadyBooty
6 ай бұрын
Men don't measure up. Got it.
@dp6755
6 ай бұрын
Yes!!!!!
@skydream25
6 ай бұрын
Giiirrrl have you been watching The Queen Maker too?!
@bananafanalll6651
6 ай бұрын
Yep 💅
@Kkk-jj7de
6 ай бұрын
Finally someone said it!!! My Queen Jen needs some women solidarity
@kay6692
6 ай бұрын
For me it’s like a narcissist fantasy life , being speacial and unique and making everything about yourself even love is about you.
@francescatrocca990
6 ай бұрын
Please Shallon, could you make a video about Andrew Tate? Whole analysis and break down of: 1) what we are dealing with? 2) why do you think he is so popular? 3) what women can do in context of existence of this phenomenon? What is he right about? Why is he still popular among women? And most importantly: how can we turn that into advantage and how can we weaponize man’s ego against him self? What should we learn from him? What red flegs shoud we look for? How should we deal with men like this? Etc… Thank you for your videos ❤
@Megami87
6 ай бұрын
The only way to deal with men like Tate is avoid like a plague. If a guy shows any bit of similar behavior like Tate’s followers then dump him and block him. There is no need for Shallon to waste her time and energy on this „guru” BS.
@erinoliver3063
6 ай бұрын
If is loneliest not boredom. It is not good to be alone. You are a very loving and feminine you need a good relationship.
@andhdc
6 ай бұрын
JLo delivering such a relevant message is the last thing I was expecting on this fine Wednesday morning
@marnybassett4906
6 ай бұрын
Has anyone mentioned, perhaps a therapist, that this constant need for stimulation and business is CLASSIC ADHD? You perfectly described my brain and anxiety toward money and finances. Different fixation, but same angst and worry. ADHD / trauma brain all day long.
@moonling_0_0
6 ай бұрын
You should so become high class esc0rt! You get treated like a queen, get to dress up and often taken to nice places, villas, 5 star hotels, get loads of compliments and ego boost so you get that dopamine hit plus a great big envelope or cheque on top 🥰 Plus you just choose who you accept and make your own rules 🙏
@alexaaa1193
6 ай бұрын
OMG!! You’re also reading Iron Flame!! Me too. I didnt peg you as a fantasy reader. 💕
@en2186
6 ай бұрын
Shallon please I need a video on how to flirt😅 I really don't know what is appropriate when to do and say. Like how can I show him that I like him
@kristendiaz3113
6 ай бұрын
Shallon, I think MEDITATION would do you a world of good. Just 15 minutes a day. I know a lot of people are getting onto the mediation train, but it is for good reason. It literally changes your brain chemistry. You will not feel as impulsive, better decision making and it will allow you to figure out why you are so bothered with sitting with yourself.
@kstepk5003
6 ай бұрын
Yes this definitely counts for love. While I’m not an alpha, I feel for you. People need love as much as they need air. People need people, we’re not made to be islands.
@jenniferhutter4698
6 ай бұрын
There’s a micro- full moon forcing us Aquarius placements to be introspective and emotional right now.
@calideeslife3224
6 ай бұрын
I saw the film and the message was great...Problem is: Jennifer DID NOT do what the movie says she did. In the movie, she recognizes that she neglected her inner child in the pursuit of love. So she takes time to herself, not dating anyone and pouring all her love unto herself, and THAT'S when her true love (Ben) came back to her. But in real life there was some serious overlap between the end of her relationship with Alex Rodriguez and the rekindling with Ben. In fact, it's very possible her and Ben started secretly talking while she was still with ARod. Until Jlo starts practicing what she preaches, I'm going to keep my side-eye on her. In conclusion: Great message/Terrible messenger.
@thegardener3650
6 ай бұрын
Please talk more about how to deal with that boredom. I TEALLY need help with this
@konnyu.torna.kezdoknek
6 ай бұрын
Funny how different we are. You were bored as a child and now you keep yourself busy. I was on high alert as a child all the time, so now I kinda have to force myself to be active. 😏
@user-kh7ef4ho4d
6 ай бұрын
SHALLON! You NEED to dive into the silence and what your psyche is telling you! Journal it!!!!
@francine6485
6 ай бұрын
Don't get me wrong She looks fantastic for her age She dances fantastic and she is out there creating. However, I thought it was very self-indulgent. I thought it was boring. All I kept thinking is this is not going to age well there ain't a chance in hell that her and Ben or her in anyone will last. Ben is a narcissist himself he'll only take being devalued for so long also he will devalue her That's what narcissists do. If you're with a narcissist you will always always ALWAYS be devalued. That's how they operate. Unless there's a narcissistic symmetry like with King Charles and Camilla. Donald Trump and Melania. Bill and Hillary Clinton. You get the picture.
@shallonlester
6 ай бұрын
I kind of wonder if it will age better if her and Ben break up. Because the end of it is not oh she finds Ben and it’s all good and he’s fixed her. It’s that she’s OK being alone.… But she still hopeful about the future, so in a way she has found a balance and a middle path.
@francine6485
6 ай бұрын
@@shallonlester I remember she did an interview with Oprah She was in a yellow outfit and it was right before she started dating the hot dog... The New York Yankee guy. And she talked about taking time to be alone and that she felt like she was okay being alone. But immediately after she broke up with the Yankee she started dating Ben.
@KB-tf8vp
6 ай бұрын
Those were some great couple examples. 🤔
@neliland
6 ай бұрын
I dont see a problem with it being self-indulgent. She is so faaab❤ can’t get enough of jLo !!!
@LovedByYou
6 ай бұрын
She’s been married like 6 times. I think this rebrand comes from her knowing she’s in her 50’s and can’t do it again……
@bluecollarlit
6 ай бұрын
I think she has had four husbands. Waiter Dancer Marc Anthony Ben Affleck
@SnakePoison777
6 ай бұрын
I’d love to hear your take on limerence, Shallon
@allabarkan671
6 ай бұрын
I think there are many different kinds of love besides romantic love, self love, platonic love, love for family. I think it’s perfectly possible to build a rich and beautiful life without a romantic partner. It’s something that we don’t have full control over at the end of the day and that’s why hinging happiness or a sense of completeness on it can be destructive.
@nwunnoticewhatyounotice6136
6 ай бұрын
I sense the self-realizations you're noticing about what you're bringing (or not) to a relationship are HUGE, Shallon (like around 19:00). Way to go - it's an opportunity to create new paths!
@TeeAlee143
6 ай бұрын
25:10 your afraid of having to walk through the pain you first HAD to run from to survive through the loss of your father and those surrounding years.. your so close to myself just in a different way.. Its work, Im still doing😂😒🙄😔🤔🫣🫣🤫🫶🙌🔥We can solve anything, its just a matter of time & work process/*data* thank you for teaching me these words and purposes🙏❣️you look like your 27 rightnow... everyone is missing out on the things they think theyre "missing out on" but things take time to go through, screw what everyone else thinks, whats good for the goose is good for the gander, You will reach what you want becase you are stomping through the work, inspiring!❤
@shoshanakirya-ziraba8216
6 ай бұрын
I love being married and being a wife is something something really special to me.
@Juicyxcouture
6 ай бұрын
I love her takes with these celebrities and it’s helpful lol. Much love ❤
@astrologydivathayer4531
6 ай бұрын
I haven't watched it yet, but J.Lo totally gets it. I totally am that girl that checks astrology signs, looking for signs, wishing this could be me.
@katiej8295
6 ай бұрын
I clicked on this so fast
@sadiedeville6884
6 ай бұрын
200th fastest! 😂
@Classic_literature
6 ай бұрын
I really respect the fact that you’re so honest, like Where are all my engagement rings lol😂
@ThisisDaniel
6 ай бұрын
This resonated a lot. I love your vulnerability and self-awareness, as always. I have no doubt you'll continue to ascend in life and love as you continue to pour that love into yourself (and us) 😘
@missrea3938
6 ай бұрын
Finally Shallon,this is the video what I waited for!❤
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