Sending all my love ❤️❤️❤️ been watching your channel since I was 13 and now I’m 20 so I just want to say you’re the reason I got into feminism and social activism as a young teen
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Matthew, thanks so much for your comment. I’m really overwhelmed to think I played a part in you getting into social activism and feminism. I’m sending you my love right back. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply, but I just wanted you to know that it meant a lot to me to have such a nice message when I was so low xxx
@Char10tti3
2 жыл бұрын
It's weird to me how much of what youte saying I can relate to, many because I've not spoken to many people about it or was able to recognise in myself until I got away from certain things. Especially the extremely over cautious about "being good" but mistrusting of authority and pre judging who to react and protecting people, maybe because I've not heard anyone speak out about those things, I'm not too sure. Definitely that being over cautious / being so timid saved me in a way, it's definitely something I recognised by the time I was a pre teen
@Kalamitye
3 жыл бұрын
So glad to see you on here, was just thinking of you yesterday and re-watched Celestia. I’ve been having some mental health issues also and wanted to let you know that I hope you’re able to get the support you need and we are here if you need us ❤️
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your message. Sorry for the delay in replying. I wanted to thank you for your kindness when I was at my lowest. I hope the universe repays you with happiness xxx
@megancerys7260
3 жыл бұрын
What you say about physical symptoms being dismissed really hit home - it’s embarrassing to admit in a KZitem comment but I used to wet my bed every day until I was in my late teens because of the stress I felt living at home and I went for frequent tests at the hospital but they never found anything wrong with me! It was a case of dealing with so much mental illness that I didn’t even realise I had because I was a child. Hope you feel better soon Claudia, I’ve been watching you for years and have always really enjoyed your videos ❤️
@megancerys7260
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 piss off?
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Megan, thanks for commenting. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply. Don’t be embarrassed, it makes perfect sense that stress would cause that. It’s probably helpful for people to see your comment because there will be a lot of people out there who had the same issue. Thank you for being brave enough to share it. I’m so grateful for your kindness and for the way you offered your own story here. It made me feel better to know that I wasn’t alone. Lots of love xxx
@megancerys7260
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn of course Claudia, I really hope you start to feel better soon
@johnfairley410
3 жыл бұрын
I'm going to reiterate what many of the other commenters have said, but I've been watching your videos for a long time now and have always been very inspired by your strength, intelligence, and compassion. I'm sending you all my love and I really hope you get through what you're going through at the moment. You deserve the world and I'm very proud of you for everything you've done, keep fighting and I'm sending my love
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
John, I wanted to thank you for your kindness. Sorry I’ve taken so long to reply. Your words really touched me and they helped me at a time when I was very low. I can only say the same about your kindness and compassion. You didn’t have to take the time to comment, but you did. You really did play a part in helping me be strong. Thank you so so so very much xxx
@wadnold123
3 жыл бұрын
Honestly Claudia if you made a 7 hour video of you talking I would watch the entire thing so long as you’re still there and using your voice ❤️ You’ve got a big ass group of people here riding along with you.
@wadnold123
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 If you don’t like what she has to say than don’t watch her videos. Simple.
@wadnold123
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 Listening and supporting someone isn’t getting involved in family issues. But now I see the problem. She never identified any legal names like you have. Have a nice day.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. I really do feel your love, and I can’t tell you what it meant to read your message when I was so ill. I was in great danger and I honestly do believe that the kindness of you and others gave me the strength I needed. I know it’s 2 weeks late but I thought you should know that. Your kindness might have saved a life. Thank you also for defending me against the harassment I was receiving. There was no way I was able to deal with that myself. I was so low I was close to going. People like you had my back. Now I am feeling a little stronger I have contacted the authorities and they are dealing with the situation. It still shocks me that someone could do that to a person at their lowest, but then when I feel despair about the lack of humanity, I look at people like you who sent me kindness for no reason at all. There are good people out there and I hope I can be as good as you one day if ever I can help someone in that situation. There aren’t enough words to thank you. Xxx
@wadnold123
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn Honestly Claudia just the fact that you started to smile so much in the video you made telling us you contacted the authorities is thanks enough for me. I don’t usually ever reply to hateful comments under other peoples videos (well I have been doing it more recently) but I feel safe under your videos. I relate so much to when you talk about how you always try to protect Dan and your mother because I too at a very young age put myself in that position and have done that my whole life. To protect those who are most vulnerable at all costs.
@penrenutet
3 жыл бұрын
I was glad to see this vid pop up! Thank you for sharing part of your story. I'm happy that talking about these things is helpful to you, and I want you to know that we all support you and wish you a speedy recovery. Keep reminding yourself of what you said at the end of the video: you've been here before and gotten better. You will get better again. I'm also glad to hear that you plan on making more of these videos. Its always nice to hear from you and see that you're feeling well enough to record 💖
@Luc.Hewett
3 жыл бұрын
Weirdly listening to this video really helped me and finally helped me put a few things into words and accept a few things, thank you
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
I’m so glad it helped. Thank you for your kind comment. I love your little icon too! Seeing Grogu always cheers me up! Xxx
@Luc.Hewett
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn Awww im glad somone appreciates Grogu devouring his son as much as me XD
@Eichhoernchenschreck
3 жыл бұрын
I wish you all the very best. Your mind has already learned how to get out of this. It will manage to do it again. Have faith.
@SharonPhilip89
3 жыл бұрын
You're amazing. Thanks for being so open about this. Much love to you.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your kindness. It means the world. Much love to you too! Xxx
@Kim44422
3 жыл бұрын
you remind me of myself 4 or 5 years ago... i was in the same place... completely in denial, had a million mental, emotional and physical symptoms, etc, etc... then it all disappear in one or two years... i think it was what people call "death of the soul", it was literally like being re-born, and feeling like human for the first time. it basically happened because i went NC (no contact) with most of the toxic/sociopathic people in my life and then began to realize a million things about the past, etc... i never write on youtube... especially because english isn't even my first language... but i'm writing this because i wish someone told me this years ago... and even if one person reads this and helps them... then i'm glad.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
I’m stunned that English isn’t your first language! You’re incredible! I couldn’t even pass my German GCSE! ‘Death of the soul’ is the perfect description. That’s how it feels. I feel like the old me is dying, the child me, the one that endured the abuse. I guess I have to try and grow the new version of me now. I’ve contacted the authorities about some of the toxic family members who were harassing me, and I am hoping to be able to go true ‘no contact’ so they can never so much as message me again. It gave me hope to read your message, and that meant the world when I was in such a bad state. Thank you for telling me about your experience and I hope it helps others too. It reminded me that there’s always hope. Xxx
@raspberryitalia3464
3 жыл бұрын
I was just thinking about you, I'm glad you're still here 💜 we're here for you however we can be
@amiyeyo
3 жыл бұрын
so many wise, honest words here. as a fellow eldest sister struggling to become myself, i felt seen.
@ghoulage
3 жыл бұрын
Still wishing the total best for you, and for each day to be easier than the last ❤ I really related to a number of things you said, specifically about when parents say 'You can call up x relative and explain to them yourself', and cheating on tests to fulfil that perfectionism.. I also have a... difficult uncle who is the twin brother of my dad. My dad is very controlling, and my uncle is very dependent, and after an incident on my mum's side of the family, he became vile, and filled with hatred. Started saying cruel things to my young cousin, and spreading strange rumours around the village about my mum until he was eventually banned from a few places, and some time after that he disowned us all. I was 17-18 at the time of all that, so I was old enough to see that he wasn't evil, just really unwell. I tried to talk to my parents about this, because the change in behaviour - from being depressed and quiet for many years, to suddenly spending a lot of money and yelling at strangers - was clearly not normal, but I don't think they knew what to do about it... I always worry that I'll turn out like my uncle. My older sister is very controlling, and I'm very dependent. My uncle is very alone, but my dad has two daughters and a wife. I'm very alone, but my sister has a partner and a daughter. I stress so much over this sort of stuff, wanting and trying to break the cycle, hoping one day I can get there. Definitely hoping the support you get will help you, and move you forward and beyond
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Seeing your mum be targeted can be really tough. I hope your young cousin is doing better now too. I don't think you'll turn out like him. You seem really kind and self aware. I believe you can break the cycle. I believe in you xxx
@ghoulage
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn Thank you Claudia!!! Such nice words, I really appreciate you saying this haha Wishing the best for you!!
@Angie-Waters
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Claudia! I've been following you on Tumblr since 2014, I think, so I've seen your journey for a very long time, and I just want to say: you, as a child, did nothing wrong. Even if you had lashed out and been "naughty", you would have had worth. You don't need to "prove" that you were a good kid - I believe you! I had a VERY similar upbringing (BPD squad unite) and I recognise so much of my feelings in you. All I can say is that you don't have to be ashamed. That intense shame is so strong and internalised, but it is not correct in its judgement of you. Nothing that has happened to you is your fault. I completely understand forgiving those who have done you harm, and I admire it. I only wish that maybe 10% of that forgiveness could be directed towards yourself. You talking about your family doesn't mean that you "badmouth" them - you're not badmouthing, you're just speaking openly about your experiences and being authentically you. You are worthy of love and kindness, and you deserve at least 20% of the love, forgiveness and kindness you direct towards other people to be directed to yourself.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this message. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. I’m so glad it didn’t come across like I was badmouthing. I’m still learning to hold my experiences and be honest without feeling guilty. I guess I internalised a lot of stuff and it became a bit of a prison. I still get that voice being like ‘don’t speak! You’re bad! You’re naughty! It was your fault! You deserved it!’ - and I’m starting to try and ignore it. I hope it goes away eventually. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. It means so much that you get it, and that you wrote all that for me. It really really helped. BPD squad unite! Xxx
@Angie-Waters
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 sir/ma'am when u start threatening to doxx your relative posting about their mental health I think u lost the moral highground.
@Angie-Waters
3 жыл бұрын
(very much not interested in continuing this conversation, just couldn't let that comment stand unopposed lmao.)
@deilen961
3 жыл бұрын
thank you 💜 i'm so sorry you had such painful experiences, but thank you for sharing and creating a space where people who relate can feel seen, and thank you for stepping back and seeing those generational traumas and wanting to break the cycle if you want to do daily check ins and ever want a prompt - i'd love to hear more about your connection to wanda (and pietro) if you want to talk about it in a stream of consciousness format like this. i've been around for a few years so have seen your videos on them, but i just really like hearing people talk about media/characters they see themselves in and feel seen by and have been impacted by. only if you want to though 💜 love you loads and wishing you the best 💜
@michaeltuohy3835
3 жыл бұрын
I said this in the last video and I'll say it again, I think it's such a good idea to talk like this, it can only help you get better. You seem better in this video as well which is nice and I loved the bit at the end when you said that you'd been like this before and gotten better, it makes me so happy to see you reassuring yourself like that. I also wanted to say that I've also been trying to understand people when they do bad things and hearing you talk about it from your point of view really helped me put that idea in perspective, I think I'm gonna internalise a lot of what you said and it's going to help me become more compassionate and I'm so grateful to you for that. Stay strong Claudia, you've been like this before and you got better, you can do it again ❤❤❤❤❤❤
@patrickwsu
3 жыл бұрын
Realizing you hadn't shared those stories and many of them just connected with me is both frightening and also kinda like a good feeling of "being seen"
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
It was weird making this video but I’m glad now that I did. I feel lighter somehow. I’ve been holding so much of this stuff in and I do believe it weighs on you. There’s so much more I wish I could say, but can’t, but even just this has felt like getting to exhale! I’m sorry you connected with them, though. I know how difficult it is. I hope you’re healing and have good support around you. Xxx
@minahl5167
3 жыл бұрын
sending love❤️ sounds like you've been through a lot, no wonder you're struggling so much. it must be so difficult living with trauma, and it sounds like you haven't gotten as much help and support as you should have
@Laau_laau
3 жыл бұрын
This world needs more people like you, so happy you are still around 🙂
@howdyhowdyhelga
3 жыл бұрын
i really related to to the way you speak about feeling like you had to sort of shield dan and your cousin, and wanting to take your life but not being bold enough to do it. i hope you start to feel more stable soon!
@howdyhowdyhelga
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 how am i supposed to learn that. this about her *personal life*. so we'd only be receiving information she tells us. i question how you know it.
@howdyhowdyhelga
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 no offense, but i have a hard time believing that. besides, what would her cousin gain from shit talking her on a youtube video?
@howdyhowdyhelga
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 this is the first time she's spoken about her family on here though? and the woman has a mental illness, how is that 'fantasy'? whether you're her cousin or not, it's extraordinarily cruel to just insist everything she's saying is a lie. Besides, just commenting 'it's all lies' is petty ass bullshit for someone who's probably an adult. get better hobbies.
@wadnold123
3 жыл бұрын
@@howdyhowdyhelga This family member of hers has been replying to other comments as well like mine and saying Claudias full legal name and shitting on her.
@howdyhowdyhelga
3 жыл бұрын
@@wadnold123 i did notice that, yeah. are we even sure that's her legal name? if so, that's really shitty.
@time4chai995
3 жыл бұрын
We’re glad to see you
@archibaldzidlicka8960
3 жыл бұрын
Hi. I just want to say that I hope you will get better. Stay strong.
@loozziee
3 жыл бұрын
We're here for you Claudia. Please keep creating even if it's just vlogs. Much love and I'm always thinking of you! 💜💜💜
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much Lauren. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply. You have supported me at a time when I’ve been at my most vulnerable and I won’t ever forget it. I really hope there’s some justice in this universe and you are given happiness. You were so kind and supportive even when you didn’t have to be. It means such a lot xxx
@loozziee
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn You are so welcome Claudia. I have loved your videos for a few years now and you have always been such a comfort to me. Thank you for uploading and being the person that you are. You are such a bright light in a dark world and I want you to keep on shining. You are so amazing Claudia. I hope you are blessed throughout your life. 💜💜💜
@mablebeel1619
3 жыл бұрын
I hope things get better for you soon. A lot of your experiences and interests resonate with me. I have always taken solace in your videos when I come across them so thank you for sharing all of these. But of course like you said we should not worry about you, we (the audience) do not know you, but still, I wish you well and a speedy recovery.
@MGthief26
3 жыл бұрын
❤️❤️❤️
@Fairly-odd-kel
3 жыл бұрын
Just going to reiterate what my fellow commenters are saying, I wish you well, I understand what you're going through and you can get through this, we support you but no pressure, I really wish you well ❤️❤️❤️ I've never related to something as much as this video.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Kel, your message meant so much to me in a time where I was low. I can’t ever thank you enough xxx
@Fairly-odd-kel
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn I'm just glad to see you doing better day by day ❤️ we're always here for you! Thank you for raising awareness for people who feel like they have no voice :)
@Hollie0601
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Claudia
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
I love a redemption arc too. I find it so hard to accept (although I know I have to) that some people are just malicious and unkind. I always want to try and see the good and change them. But I do think that for a lot of people, there is hope. People who only know unkindness become unkind. We can only become what we see around us. I just pray that those people can come back from the darkness. I know I could have gone the other way, and so I know that it’s hard to take those steps. I still get the more negative impulses, and I’m trying not to feel so ashamed of them, because those things are what we learned - they don’t have to be who we are now. It’s going to be a lifelong job to try and unlearn that stuff, but I think it’s worth it. Your comment made perfect sense and I’m just floored by your kindness. To think that you were in a bad place yourself and you reached out to me - it means a lot. I hope you’re feeling a little better now. Xxx
@Hollie0601
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn thank you, I’ve been feeling really good today :) xxx
@aaronmishaling1065
3 жыл бұрын
Sending hugggs! You will get through this. You don't need to solve every problem at once, just take it one bit at a time. Like taking each day at a time. And you've got plenty of people who want to listen and help. I've also sent you some pictures of my cats on twitter to cheer you up :3 :) xx
@mickeyonieke2861
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Claudia. Don't give up on getting better. Take one day at a time and remember that there are good days ahead. Happy days from the past can happen again. I'm rooting for you. 💜❤️🌈
@geraldineharrington6210
3 жыл бұрын
I'm glad you posted and this and hope it helps. Thank you for sharing I relate to a lot of the family stuff and it was helpful for me.Wishing you the best..
@lanawilson5910
3 жыл бұрын
Your an inspiration to me, always thinking of you. I'm very like yourself, 1 min wanting to commit suicide the next wanting to help myself. My BPD therapy group helps quite a bit. Take care xx
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Lana. Thank you so much for your message. I’m so happy and proud that you think of me, but I just want you to know that I feel exactly the same about you. The fact you took the time to write something so kind when you didn’t have to means a lot. You’re one of the good people out there, the ones that give me hope and remind me that there is kindness and that there is hope. I’m glad your therapy group is helping. Mine was great for me too. I hope the universe repays your kindness somehow. Thank you so so much xxx
@Ashley389100
3 жыл бұрын
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying having had problems at home then during my working life being unable to cope with extreme stress had my ups and downs things can and do get better glad you have support of your family that's so important i do hope you feel better soon ❤❤❤
@mrRuss11108
3 жыл бұрын
I've only recently subscribed to you but have enjoyed the content you put out. Im not sure about your story but how you feel is how i feel at times. Just remember you are not alone. People out there feel the same as you, we feel you. Don't stop fighting.
@lasiurus
3 жыл бұрын
I could tell you and dan had been through a lot together by the way you interact...your banter reminds me so much of my sister and I who grew up in a tumultuous household. talking about how hard it was for you doesn't make you sound selfish and it's not betraying your mother. sending you all my love claudia!
@zoeherdman670
3 жыл бұрын
Sorry you've had bad comments. I feel for you. Lots of people love you. Xxx
@qo692
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Claudia
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
I can’t even tell you what reading this message meant when I was at my lowest. Thank you so SO much xxx
@paleylewis7440
3 жыл бұрын
Sometimes over dwelling over painful stuff from that past doesnt help. But in my own experiences if its something that keeps coming into your mind, and your brain is dwelling on it anyways, not talking about it just keeps the emotions that come along with it bottled up. You talk about things because its what your feeling. It doesnt have to be enlightening or purposeful. When i was in therapy i didnt talk about my fathers substance abuse very much since it was mostly passed and sometimes i would dwell to much. But everyonce in a while i would feel all the same things again so why not let them out. Ofcourse therapy is much diffrent than youtube. Its just something that ive had to give myself permission to do, even if its not technucally "useful" but is about respecting my emotions
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks Paley. Your advice made me feel a lot better. It can be good to finally let things out, even if you can’t talk about it in detail. I’m in therapy now and we talk about it all. She’s really helping me to process a lot. I want to learn to respect my emotions. Xxx
@kupotenshi
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing
@rikititi1848
3 жыл бұрын
Every day you keep going is an achievement. You are so strong and so brave.
@TheCatBiscuit
3 жыл бұрын
sending so much love Claudia 💕 I have emetophobia too, so I'm so so sorry about what happened. I fear so much about it happening to me.. somehow, I'm sending you strength to get through this 💌 I hope so much you recover soon🌈
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
I’m sorry you’re a fellow sufferer. It’s a horrible horrible phobia and I sometimes think only people who have experienced it can fully understand how frightening it is. You can run from a spider, if you’re scared of them, but you can’t run from your own body. Your comment helped me keep my strength and I’m on the mend. I hope you remain well and that you can thrive. Xxx
@MsLivinglegend19
3 жыл бұрын
I absolutely relate to the anger or upset that you felt being a young child and not having people notice or realise that something was very wrong. I had a similar situation at the same age. I hope you get better soon, thank you for being vulnerable ❤️
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your message and sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. Yes, that’s something I feel really conflicted about, because I wish I’d been helped sooner and got that support. I might not have had to get so bad and lose so many years. But I know I can’t change the past, so I’m trying to make peace with it. In some ways I was very lucky. I had Dan, and that was the greatest gift the universe could ever have given me. I think in the past people just weren’t as aware or understanding of mental health issues. I hope that’s different for kids today. Lots of love xxx
@MsLivinglegend19
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn I 100% relate to this, I think it makes you feel that a lot of years were taken away from you due to mental illness and often end up pondering about whether things could’ve turned out differently. Happy that you have such a good support system now though and I’m glad to hear things are getting slightly better ❤️ wishing you all the best in your continued recovery xx
@azarahwagner2749
3 жыл бұрын
🕊🕊🕊🕊 I can so empathize with you dear Big Angel hugs and blessings to you and yours 💜💜💜💜
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Angel hugs and blessings to you too xxx
@syalkandari
3 жыл бұрын
I love you so dearly, Claudia. I hope you heal & get better.♡♡♡
@jamesstewartwilliams
3 жыл бұрын
This was tough to watch. I’m a male living with EUPD from London, and I had my very first breakdown last February after a bad breakup. The pain was beyond earth shattering - it was like being shot in the head every moment of every minute, hour, and day for months on end. In fact; that description probably doesn’t do the pain justice, really. I literally begged to be sectioned at St Thomas’ hospital, but they didn’t believe me, and I was consequently turned away. I was very lucky to walk away with my life because I had virtually no support. Sending my regards Claudia, thank you for being such an excellent spokesperson for this wretched illness. Safe recovery xX
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Hi James. Sorry to hear that you too suffer with EUPD. I can only imagine how horrific that was. In some ways us feeling so strongly can be a strength, but at other times it feels like torture, doesn’t it? The mental pain is just so strong. Thank God you somehow survived and got through it. I hope you’re doing better now, although I know that for people like us we’re never really ‘ok’ in the sense other people might be. I believe we can get through this, though. Thank you for your kindness and I wish you the best xxx
@beethovenjunkie
3 жыл бұрын
Not watching the video to avoid triggers, just sending love your way. Hope you feel better very soon.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate that you sent me good wishes. Xxx
@ben3223
3 жыл бұрын
I have no place to judge considering how fucked I am but; 1. You're too kind but I understand it 2. Politics and media will break a vulnerable soul, I understand the activism but probably worth staying far away until your soul is at peace, what you can and can't control has a big affect on how you see the world. World gets a whole lot smaller and simpler when all you see is what's in front of you. 3. Perhaps your external needs to change, friends, house, routine. only you can know 4. Religion, not an awful way to go if you're lost it doesn't have to be dogmatic but kindness can reside there. Buddhism and meditation helps me. 5. Responsibility, having a responsibility in any capacity can often help, local perhaps or maybe a pet. I recommend a tortoise so cute. 6. That uncle needs a slap 7. If anything I said sounds stupid it probably is.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Hi, thank you so much for your comment. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply! Yeah, I'm trying to work out how too manage activism and politics alongside my mental health. Number 3 really helped me. Your whole message helped a lot. I am starting the process now of changing my external. I'm putting up barriers when necessary in order to protect myself. I am actually religious and have become more so recently. I don't have a specific religion I believe in, I just know I do believe in *something*. It's helped me a lot. I'd love to have a cat! We did talk about it but I don't know if it's realistic right now. I definitely want one in the future though. Nothing you said sounds stupid! I'm sorry you bore the brunt of some of the abuse I've been receiving. I've taken the advice of people here, you included, and I'm taking action about the harassment and abuse. The authorities are aware and I'm hoping that will keep the toxicity at bay! Since your comment said uncle (if I even have to call him that) has been threatening me etc, so as much as I disagree with violence, I can understand the sentiment! I've been in touch with the authorities and I think that I might finally be able to put an end to that. Your advice really helped me and I appreciate that you took the time to offer it to me. Thank you so much. I hope that at some point in the future I can help you out and repay you in some way. You say you are 'fucked' but to me you sound very wise! xxx
@butterflypooo
3 жыл бұрын
Hey Claudia, I was so happy to see your video pop up on KZitem. Thanks so much for keeping us in the loop. I know you do it bc it helps you feel better a bit, but I really appreciate it so so much. I’m really proud of you every time I see you. I know that you don’t tell us everything about ur life and that’s reasonable. You don’t have to follow any of these details with “not to be ungrateful” or “not to say I’m so perfect” etc., bc none of us are for one moment thinking like that ever. I’m really glad that you and Dan are by each others side. I do believe that some people are here to disrupt and break toxic cycles. Sometimes though, we have to take care of ourselves first. You are an amazing woman. You can get through this. We support you 10000% and are here for you. I know you can do this. I know it. 💞
@ariannadibenedetto8658
3 жыл бұрын
So much of what you've said hits so close to home. It's scary to think how impacted we are as children by adults's bad behaviors, and how much we drag those traumas with us. I wish all the best. You rock ♥️
@Aster_Risk
3 жыл бұрын
It's especially strange when you've told yourself your childhood was great and totally just fine and then you're 30 and finally seeing a lot of the terrible things that actually happened.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks Arianna. I really appreciate your message. Yeah, it’s hard to unpack that stuff. I guess it brings up a lot of anger about how things should have been. Still, I’m going to try and use that energy in a positive way xxx
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
@@Aster_Risk That’s exactly it. Even though I knew deep down things weren’t okay, on the outside things seemed fine, so I got used to just ignoring it almost? It’s hard to describe. It’s like it’s too traumatic to truly face so you swallow it and act like it’s fine. It’s upsetting to be having to work through that stuff now, and to think of the lost years, but I guess we all feel that way. I hope I can do something positive now xxx
@hayleyx8214
3 жыл бұрын
I dont have the time to watch this the whole way through at the minit but will soon as I find these videos helpful for me too. But just leaving a commwnt to say I felt such relief to see a vid from you. Im sad to see your still suffering but glad your still with us because I have real hope for you x Take care x
@hayleyx8214
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 I take it from other comments that you might be family or whatever. Not trying to get involved in family stuff but someone talking about their thoughts and feelings whilst not identifying specific people is a healthy way to work through issues, getting support, being listened to, etc. Clearly she's in a lot of distress so commenting insensently stuff like this doesnt help. Please be more compassionate. If you cant comment compassionately, move the fuck on.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Haley, thank you for your comment. Sorry I'm taking so long to reply! I really feel like I owe you guys for your kindness! Thank you for sending me that hope. I also want to thank you for your engagement with some of the negativity here. I'm not sure what's going on there (totally bizarre) but it really does mean the world that you had my back when I wasn't strong enough myself. I'll always be grateful to you for sending me that love. I wanted to reply so that you knew I'd seen and that it helped me. Thank you xxx
@amiyeyo
3 жыл бұрын
I'm in a difficult place at the moment and today I thought about you and how I look up to your honesty and resilience. And there we go - you've uploaded! I'm so sorry you're in such a terrible place, but your content really helps me, so the happiness I felt at the notification was amazing. Thank you
@tamaral7842
3 жыл бұрын
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. Please keep creating videos, we're sending you lots of love
@jane7997
3 жыл бұрын
im so sorry that you're going through this. sending you lots of love.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you Jane, sorry it took me so long to reply. I’m sending you love too. Xxx
@charlottehubert3418
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing your story, you are so strong and I have admired you for many many years. Sending you all my love and good wishes for your recovery ❤️
@neilcliffe733
3 жыл бұрын
So glad you're still here. The last video was so upsetting. Keep going Claudia you'll get there x
@terencetan711
3 жыл бұрын
much love
@Lanoira13
3 жыл бұрын
Glad you were feeling well enough to talk with us, and very glad you shared some of your stories and insight with us. It really does mean a lot, Claudia. Hope your symptoms lighten up soon and you can start to recover in peace. What you said at the end there means a lot, because it's exactly what I tell myself when I'm feeling suicidal. I've already been through my worst, and I pushed through, even though I didn't want to at the time. And I got better, I got to recover and feel better than I ever had before. And now every time I have depressive pits, I just remind myself I've been through so much worse, and as long as I push through and keep moving, I will survive and I will get better, because that's the only thing I can do as long as I don't act on my thoughts and urges. The only place you can go from the bottom of a hole is up.
@kaitlynarsenault3156
3 жыл бұрын
I'm sending you so much love and light and positivity, even though I doubt it will help. Thinking of you, and proud of you for having the courage to stay.
@814912
3 жыл бұрын
I really hope you're doing okay! I've been thinking of you since your last video and hoping you're all right. You're amazing for getting through this up till now - and things WILL get better, I promise.
@claudiacook619
3 жыл бұрын
Glad to see you're staying alive, you're doing great taking it day by day. Sending you big big love. You can do this ❤
@karlcardona8381
3 жыл бұрын
You are beautiful, Claudia, thanks for letting us see into your heart. I listened to the whole thing, and enjoyed hearing your inner thoughts. Love you.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being so kind, Karl. I’m sending you love too. Xxx
@cosmickitten22
3 жыл бұрын
The part about never really learning who you are as your own person and as an adult really hit hard. I'm currently going through my worst mental health episode and its terrifying but one of the biggest feelings has been that I somehow ended up here nearly 28 years old and I still feel very much like a child in a lot of ways. I never figured out what I wanted to do after high school because I never really thought I would get here and now i just feel like I am drowning all the time and I have no clue what I should be doing. Thank you for posting these. I hope things start to get easier soon.
@kiranhussain554
3 жыл бұрын
Sending you so much love Claudia, I'm so glad you're here and on this platform. You always lead with compassion and I hope you feel the love we have for you too ❤️
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks Kiran. Sorry my reply is so late. I really honestly do feel the love. It’s been overwhelming in the best way. Your kindness has played a part in keeping me here and I just wanted you to know that when I was at my lowest, you helped. Xxx
@kiranhussain554
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn please don't apologise, I'm grateful I could help in a small way because you've also helped me in the times when I felt lowest too over the years even though you may not have known it. You are truly appreciated ❤️❤️
@priscillamcrmy
3 жыл бұрын
i'm sending you all my love, Claudia ❤
@skyartisan8873
3 жыл бұрын
Feel better Claudia i'm rooting for you ❤
@xixeoxeno
3 жыл бұрын
You're a shining light.
@xixeoxeno
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 why do you say that?
@xixeoxeno
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 but I don't??
@xixeoxeno
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 Maybe don't leave pointed comments on my comment if you are going to be vague and bitter. Do better.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
You are so kind, thank you. I really do appreciate it. xxx
@xixeoxeno
3 жыл бұрын
@@ClaudiaBoleyn You're welcome, hun. I'm not sure if the nasty comment is related to the person who has been harassing you. Either way, I'm so proud of you. Keep going. ❤️
@purplecelery7380
3 жыл бұрын
Hang in there, and take good care of yourself. Sounds like you're in a rough spot right now, but you can get through this!
@MrVikingsjoe
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Boleyn hope your doing ok 👌
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Joseph, thank you. I'm doing my best to recover. I really appreciate you leaving me a message xxx
@claudiacook619
3 жыл бұрын
Second comment having finished the video!! I'm bad too right now. So much of what you said in this video resonates with me. I understand the feeling of being scared that you'll die without ever saying... 'it'. All of this; the whys and hows and whens. I've been feeling that too recently. I'm so thankful that you put this video out there- it was very brave. I'm thankful to be able and allowed to hear you and listen to your story and your point of view. Many people care about what you have to say, and find your strength inspiring. You having hope after all you've been through gives me a little hope too. You are a truly kind person and you've managed to make yourself that out of all the shit you've been given. Keep going- 1 day or hour or minute at a time. You're worth it ❤
@Tayloraurrekoetxea
3 жыл бұрын
Hey Claudia! I’ve been following you on yt since I found you in 2015 and I’ve always loved your content and your style. I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling and I sincerely hope things improve soon. I wish you the best. Sending you love
@qweensara7072
3 жыл бұрын
I watched this video twice and it's amazing to see how you seemed like you were feeling quite a bit better after saying what you had to say. If after you finish watching the video you go back to the beginning it's quite baffling how much more organized your thoughts and how much 'calmer' you seem at the end, I hope that if doing this really helps you feel better, people don't say horrible stuff in the comments to make you shy away from doing things like this again, if they help you. I hope to see you doing well again as soon as possible. I send you all of the love in my heart and wish you the best
@joysfulljourney
3 жыл бұрын
I can't watch her last two videos right now (because of their length), but can anyone tell me how she is and if she's managed to get help??
@Batedelarge
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Claudia. I don't often comment on videos much but you're a brave soul for making this. I know the mental health system, in the UK especially, is a joke and is in dire need of an upgrade. The only advice I can offer is to continue talking and uploading the vlogs, even if it makes you feel just that slightest bit better. I'm 26, and after several years I'm STILL currently awaiting a diagnosis of Aspergers. My high school days, like yours, were a living nightmare for me as I always felt alien to my peers, yet I had no clue why. So I can completely understand the intense depression and anxiety you constantly feel. Yes, it'll always be a part of you, but if this comment section has proven anything, it's that there are people online who are 100% in your corner, and will listen to you and try their best to help whenever you feel at your lowest. If you ever need to talk or rant to anyone 1 on 1, you can message me or anyone else in this comment section. We're all here for you. I do hope you feel better soon Claudia. Stay Strong! You've come this far in life, and I say you've done pretty damn well. Don't give up now.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this comment. It really touched my heart. I won't give up. You're so kind and I wish I had the words to tell you what it meant to read this when I was at my lowest xxx
@AlexRoshanStewart
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you. This helps.
@Aster_Risk
3 жыл бұрын
I hope that just sitting there and saying these things out loud helped you in some way. I appreciated you opening up and it helped me in a way, so thank you.
@Meri_Luo
3 жыл бұрын
Claudia I was just thinking about you a couple of days ago and wondering how you're doing, so nice to hear from you! Thank you for sharing these stories. I totally relate to the thing you said about having physical symptoms and no one realizing they are caused by mental health problems. I suffered from horrible nausea for years and no one could figure out what was wrong with me. Turns out it was because of anxiety. Also the part where you talked about your childhood and being hyper aware all the time. That was me as child as well and it led to severe mental health problems later in my life. It's really valuable that you share your experiences because it makes people like me feel less alone. You are a fighter and you can get better, I believe in you Claudia and I send you lots of love!💜
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your kindness. Being hyper aware is rough, isn't it? I used to think everyone was like that, so it was a shock when I realised it was only a few of us! I think a lot of kids with physical symptoms were probably let down by a system that didn't know better. I just hope it's better for kids now! xxx
@catbeholden
3 жыл бұрын
Sending you lots of love, I'm so glad ur still here
@alisonjane7068
3 жыл бұрын
just so happy to see your face.
@misssammypie123
3 жыл бұрын
just listening to you talk makes me happy. please stay strong you are so important to so many people..
@enchantedforestprincess7968
3 жыл бұрын
Sending you all the love, Claudia! I hope things get better for you
3 жыл бұрын
Sending you lots of love ❤
@kellyl6495
3 жыл бұрын
I’m very sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. I appreciate your honesty. It helps to know more of your story and, as you said, there are definitely things that are generational through no fault of our parents that get passed to us. I feel like life is a learning process and we are always finding out more about ourselves well into adulthood. This hard time will pass and you will get better.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks Kelly. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. Yes, I'm really interested in these generational things. It's a trauma that sort of passes through us and either destroys us, makes us part of the system, or (and I hope this is me and Dan!) someone puts a wall up and says no. I think there are so many wounds that families carry, but the positive I'm trying to cling to is that we're getting more okay with talking about this stuff, so hopefully the 'stiff upper lip' mentality and the idea that strength = endurance and silence rather than change will start to shift. I'm just so glad I have Dan to go through all this with. Together, hopefully we can make things a bit brighter. xxx
@VashtaNeradaDW
3 жыл бұрын
Oh, Claudia, my heart is breaking for you. You’re right, I’ve been following you since tumblr days and I’ve never seen you unwell. And I’m so sorry you’re going through such terrible pain. But I also know that you’re so strong and I hope someday soon you feel better. Also, a bit off topic, I guess, but you mentioned quite a few times the shame you feel about your anger and urges to snap back (which is all too familiar to me as well), and I just wanted to remind you that a lot of therapists suggest people to view rage not as this bad evil thing, but as a healthy part of you that knows when you’re being abused/mistreated and wants to protect you from the harm.
@VashtaNeradaDW
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 and you’re using the real name (presumably) of a person who’s been receiving threats in the comments for what reason exactly?
@VashtaNeradaDW
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 so, you’re consciously endangering a person in crisis because you perceive the events differently? And you’re calling this situation ‘justice’?
@VashtaNeradaDW
3 жыл бұрын
@@treatthetrich3129 i don’t think you understand that the issue here is not the family situation. It’s not about your and even Claudia’s take on the truth. The issue is your conscious choice to put a person in already vulnerable position at risk over nothing.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry this is so late but I am only just now feeling strong enough to reply. I wanted to thank you from the very bottom of my heart, from the depths of my soul. I was especially vulnerable and in that moment when I couldn't look after myself, it meant so much to see that you (and so many kind others) had stepped in. I'm sure the situation is clearer now, as unfortunately it got to a point where I had to address it and take action, but I'm honestly forever grateful. Thank you for your words about anger. I'm starting to learn that it isn't a bad thing, and that it's a natural and even healthy reaction to abuse and mistreatment. I think for so long I had to let it go or ignore it or try not to rock the boat that I sort of learned that being a good person meant accepting abuse. You also get used to things I guess. I've had a bit of an epiphany there, and again you and others who stepped in and made me realise how very toxic and awful this was are partly responsible for that. You get used to certain things within a family and in private. If it's what you've known, it can take those outside people flagging the problem to give you the strength to stand up. As distressing as it is to see it spill into your personal space online, seeing others saying how abusive and awful it was woke me up! It gave me the strength to know that I wasn't going mad. Others could see it was abusive and harassment, and that finally let me accept that it was too, and that I didn't have to put up with it, and never ever should have. It played a part in me going to the authorities and standing my ground. I won't ever be able to thank you enough. You've played a part in changing my life and I wanted you to know how much that means. You defended me when you didn't have to, you protected a perfect stranger. I wish there was some way I could repay you. I'm a new person now. It happened quite suddenly, and I think this awfulness online, the way it became public, was the catalyst. I hope you're well and happy and I wish you the absolute best. xxx
@knessing7681
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Claudia, get well soon ... well wishes and thoughts goes out to you.
@kanaler5924
3 жыл бұрын
Look up healthy aggression. I think it is good to get that out in a safe way.
@meineschnursenkel2092
3 жыл бұрын
You need ads on your videos...💕💕
@prenticedarlington2720
3 жыл бұрын
I won't look at the other comments here until I've sent this one. Oh my goodness, this makes so much sense. There are minor echoes in my life. It looks like some fuse got broken when your immediate environment mismatched and/or conflicted with your actions and feelings. Life kind of betrayed you and a paranoia set in. I hear your story and your pain. I so wish I was with you as a comfort and to give you support and hugs while you're going through this. I agree with everything you said but your focus tends to get a bit lost when you start talking about political matters or matters on a large scale out in the world. And so our focus must get a bit lost because there are too many factors at play and we only ever have (or are given) incomplete information. That aside, we are all partly subject to our biology, so don't ignore the role evolution plays in the game of human interaction in term of greed and altruism. I council you not to dwell too long on political/global matters as it will only reinforce how powerless you feel. (I bet you'll automatically do the opposite now!) Take care and I hope you can come to a place soon, where you can allow yourself to get better. I feel like I'm with you in as much as I can be (and hope that I haven't stepped so wide of the mark that I might require your forgiveness) ;) Love, A.
@ClaudiaBoleyn
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you Prentice (A). I often see your comments and I truly appreciate your kindness and your honesty. I wanted to thank you for the time you have taken to help me and to offer me comfort and words of advice. It doesn’t go unnoticed xxx
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